Coaching Parents and Caregivers of Multi-Stressed Families

Jackie Woodside CPC, LICSWwww.JackieWoodside.com508-333-5520

Setting Your Intention for the Day What I intend to experience or

take away from this day is…

Course Objectives

Understand coaching Understand how context impacts

experience Understand levels of consciousness

and how it impacts caregivers and service providers

Develop a coaching model for coaching caregivers in multi stress families

Multi Stressed Families

Violence or corporal punishment Substance abuse and other addictions Poverty Lack of employment or under employment Mental health problems Multi-generational problems Engaged with various service providers

Multi Stressed Families

Lower educational levels Lacking positive role models Often lowered self-esteem Multiple problems over multiple

generations

Parents of Multi-Stressed Families

Frazzled Overwhelmed Stressed Often feel defeated Want to do well in life Uncertain how to improve Lack of opportunity Stigmatized Low level of consciousness

Service Providers of Multi Stressed Families

Often experiencing secondary trauma Lack of resources Excessive administrative demands (stats

and numbers) Interacting with multiple service sectors Changing service models and regulations Stigmatized Overwhelmed with work load and demands Stressed

Danger Zone

The Challenge:

Levels of Consciousness

Survival:

Predominant feeling that life is hard Often feels victimized by things and

people Apathy and disengagement Angry that life is so hard Blames others

Stress

Life is difficult but I try to do better Hard worker Resigned Willing to learn more to get ahead Able to work with others in a

cooperative fashion

Stress

Transformation

Living beyond the notion that life is hard Committed to personal growth and the

growth of all that one is involved with Recognizes the natural flow of life and is

able to align with it Takes little personally and maintains

harmonious relations with all people and circumstances

Transformation

Transcendence Lives in peaceful harmony and joy Recognizes the ease and sacredness in life Able to create extraordinary outcomes for

oneself and for large groups of people Natural motivator Feels at one with life and humanity

Transcendence

Therefore, creating a high consciousness context of self-care is KEY!

Understanding Context

The attitudinal or energetic environment inside of which anything lives

Context gives rise to experience What is the context of multi

stressed families? What is the context of service

providers of multi stressed families?

10 Ways to Practice Self Care at Work

1. Start your day with an intention. 2. Remove yourself from negative

conversations. 3. Never gossip, complain or blame others. 4. Take a breath-break between every activity. 5. Plan your day and what you want to

accomplish. Leave room in your schedule for unplanned interruptions.

10 Ways to Practice Self Care at Work

6. Express appreciation and gratitude to coworkers. 7. Express appreciation and gratitude to your

supervisors and managers. 8. Eat lunch and healthy snacks throughout the day. 9. Drink plenty of water. 10. Go for a walk, move your body.

Content vs. Context

Establishing Your Personal Context

Your values as a child welfare worker

Your professional collegial values

Coaching Defined

An action-oriented discipline designed to help people achieve their dreams, goals and visions.

Coaching Process

Engage

Engagement

Establish a positive connection between self and caregiver Evaluate and intentionally determine your

perception of the client: who do you say they are?

Handling the business side of the relationship: paperwork, rules, policies

Affirming the caregivers desire for a better future Establishing an empowering perspective:

Focus on what they want and are doing well.

Envision

Envision Help clients think about and create a vision for

what they want for their children and family. Ask open-ended, compelling questions like:

In a perfect world, how would you be parenting your children.

What is the best possible image of your family life. What do you wish it was like?

What are you already doing that is similar to this vision?

What would you like to be doing more of?

Assess

Assess

This phase of coaching helps to identify the gap between the client’s vision for what they want and how they are actually living and behaving.

Use self assessment inventories, self-monitoring tools and checklists to help them identify the areas for skill development.

Design

Design

Create a plan of action to move toward the vision

What resources are needed? What behavior changes are needed? What support does the client need to change

those behaviors?

Integrate

Integrate

The new behavior becomes more ingrained. A new normal is being established. Help client identify their progress – however

small that progress may be.

1. Self-Awareness2. Social Awareness3. Self-Management4. Relationship Skills5. Responsible Decision Making

The 5 EQ Competencies

Coaching Parents to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children

Emotional Intelligence Competencies

Self-Awareness

Accurately assessing one’s own thoughts, feelings, interests, values, and strengths

Recognizing how they influence choices and actions

Maintaining a well-grounded sense of self-confidence

Across Development

Elementary Grades:

Able to recognize and accurately label simple emotions such as sadness, anger, and happiness

Middle School:Should be able to analyze factors that trigger their stress reactions.

High School: Are expected to analyze how various expressions of emotion affect others.

Social Awareness

Taking others’ perspective and empathizing with them

Recognizing and appreciating individual and group similarities and differences

Recognizing and using family, school, and community resources

ACROSS DEVELOPMENT

ELEMENTARY GRADES:

SHOULD BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY VERBAL, PHYSICAL, AND SITUATIONAL CUES INDICATING HOW OTHERS FEEL.

MIDDLE SCHOOL: SHOULD BE ABLE TO

PREDICT OTHERS’ FEELINGS AND PERSPECTIVES IN VARIOUS SITUATIONS.

HIGH SCHOOL: SHOULD BE ABLE TO

EVALUATE THEIR ABILITY TO EMPATHIZE WITH OTHERS.

Self-Management

Regulating one’s emotions to handle stress, control impulses, and persevere in overcoming obstacles

Setting and monitoring progress toward personal, academic and religious goals

Expressing emotions appropriately

Across Development

Elementary Grades:

Children are expected to describe the steps of setting and working toward goals.

Middle School:

Should be able to set and make a plan to achieve a short-term personal or academic goal.

High School:

Should be able to identify strategies to make use of available school and community resources and overcome obstacles in achieving a long-term goal.

Relationship Skills

Establishing and maintaining healthy and rewarding relationships based on cooperation, respect and mutual support

Resisting inappropriate social pressure Preventing, managing, and resolving

interpersonal conflict Seeking help when needed

Across Development

Elementary Grades:

Should have an ability to describe approaches to making and keeping friends.

Middle School:Are expected to demonstrate co-operation and team-work to promote group goals.

High School:Are expected to evaluate uses of communication skills with peers, teachers and family members.

Responsible Decision-Making

Making decisions based on consideration of: Ethical standards Safety concerns Appropriate social norms Respect for others, and Likely consequences of various actions

Applying decision-making skills to social and academic situations

Contributing to the well-being of one’s family, school and community

Across Developm

ent

Elementary Grades:

Should be able to identify a range of decisions they make at home and school.

Middle School: Should be able to

evaluate strategies for resisting peer pressure to engage in unsafe or unethical activities.

High School: Should be able to

analyze how their current decision-making affects their yeshiva, seminary, or college and career prospects

Family LifeOur first school for emotional learning

Family Life

Feel about ourselves and how others will react to our feelings

Think about these feelings and what choices we have in reacting

Express hopes and fears

Through family life, we learn how to:

Family Life

This learning takes place: In what parents say and do In how adults treat each

otherWhen parents are emotionally competent in their own relationships, they are more capable of helping their children work through their emotional challenges.

Emotionally Intelligent Parent

How to be an

How do Parent’s See Their Role? Gain compliance

Children should do as they are told.

Eliminate negative behaviors and emotions.

Sees negative emotion and behavior as manipulation.

Instills fear rather than gains respect.

Sees self as “The Boss”

Develop the child Sees negative

emotion and behavior as a normal part of the child’s growth.

Helps child label feelings

Sets clear, consistent limits and allows freedom within them.

Shows empathy with the child’s emotional upsets.

Sees self a “Teacher or Guide.”

How Beliefs Shape Our World Common Parental Beliefs:

Life is hard My children must show love and respect to me My children should (must) do what I say I’m the boss My children’s behavior says something about me My job is to make my children behave/gain

compliance Children should have the same expectations as

adults

How Do These Beliefs Impact Behavior?

Seeing the Link How do you want your child to be when

they are grown up? For example: confident, happy,

independent, kind What actions/behavior from you will help

them develop those characteristics? For example: being a role model,

showing unconditional love, helping them learn social skills

Coaching Multi Stressed Families Means

Collaborator Educator Mentor Guide Cheerleader Emotionally intelligent role model Communicator

You are a:

Coaching is taking a people where they want to go but cannot take themselves.

Contact me for more assistance with the important work you do! www.JackieWoodside.com www.Facebook.com/JackieWoodsideSpeaker www.LinkedIn.com/in/JackieWoodside 508-333-5520