Cockney-English

FREELANG: Cockney-English dictionary and English-Cockney dictionaryThis dictionary was made by Bertrand Girardi.

Cockney-English (below)  

English-Cockney (click)

 

COCKNEY ENGLISH USE AND CULTURAL MATTERS

 A

Abergavenny Penny  

Abraham Lincoln

Stinkin  

Acker Bilk Milk Would you like Acker in your coffee? Acker Bilk (born Bernard Stanley Bilk) was born in 1929 is a master of the clarinet and leader of the Paramount Jazz Band. Interestingly, his nickname Acker is a Somerset term meaning friend or mate

Ackers Money  

Adam and Eve Believe I don't Adam and Eve it! [Usually full slang expression is used]

Adam Ant Pants Get your adam's on

Adrian Quist Pissed  

Airs and Graces

Faces  

Airs and Graces

Braces He's got his new airs on.

Alan Minter Splinter Picked up this wood and got a terrible Alan in me finger. Alan Minter is a British boxer with a current record of 39-9 (23 by KO)]

Alan Whickers Knickers The 'lastics gone in me alans. Alan Whicker used to host a TV programme called Whickers

World

Alans Pants  

Alderman's Nail

Tail He's always wagging his alderman's.

Ali McGraw Straw  

All Night Rave Shave  

All Time Loser Boozer  

Allan Border Out of Order He's bang Allan. used when someone does something to another person that is not looked upon favourably. Allan Border was the Australian cricket captain in the late 80's/early 90's so we now have our first example of international rhyming slang.

Alligator Later  

Almond Rocks Socks Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched?

Alphonse Ponce  

Ancient Greek Reek  

Andy Cain Rain  

Anna Maria Fire  

Anneka Rice Ice  

'appeny dip Ship  

Apple Core Score (�20) I gave me last apple to that old paraffin.

Apple Fritter Bitter (beer) I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon [Salmon and trout - stout].

Apple Tart Fart  

Apples and Pears

Stairs Get yourself up the apples.

April fool Stool  

April fool Tool  

April Fools Football Pools  

April in Paris Arse I'm 'aving terrible trouble with me April How can such a simple word have so many convoluted references? April in Paris -> Aris (from Aristotle -> bottle which is from bottle and glass -> arse.)

April Showers Flowers I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home.

Archer 2000  

Are you George?

Are you sure?  

Aris Arse  

Aristotle Bottle If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep. Every now and again they throw a curve at you. One person has suggested that, not being familiar with Aristotle, early Cockney's might have assumed the name was Harry Stottle!

Army and Navy

Gravy Can I have some army for my mashed?

Arnold Palmer Farmer (see usage)

e's a right Arnold. I love this one - it refers to a golfer who spends a lot of time in the long grass around a course

Artful Dodger Lodger She's taken in an artful to help pay the way.

Arthur Ashe Cash That blokes not short of Arthur

Arthur Bliss Piss I'm just popping out for an Arthur .Arthur Bliss was a famous English composer (1891-1975).

Arthur Scargill Gargle (drunk) e's right Authur'd

Ascot Races Braces  

Aunt Nell Smell He don't half Aunt Nell

Auntie Annie Fanny She's just sitting at home on her Auntie Annie

Auntie Dot Hot  

Auntie Ella Umbrella Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella.

Auntie Lily Silly  

Auntie Nellie Belly I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.

Ayrton Senna Tenner ere, lend us an aryton me old china. Ayrton Senna was a Formula One driver

 B

Babbling Brook

Crook He's always on the babble. Meaning he's always planning something crooked. See also Cook.

Babbling Brook

Cook My missus couldn't babble to save her life. See also Crook.

Bacon and Eggs

Legs Lovely set of bacons.

Bacon Rind Blind Are you completely bacon?

Bacon Sarnie Pakistani They've hired a new bloke at the shop - he's a bacon. Sarnie is a slang term for sandwich (and

if you haven't eaten a cold bacon sandwich you haven't lived.

Bag of Fruit Suit  

Bag of Sand Grand He owes me a bag.

Bag of Yeast Priest  

Baked Bean Queen (Elizabeth II)

 

Baked Potato Later I'll see ya baked.

Baker's Dozen Cousin  

Bale of Hay Gay Don't bother Britany - he's bale.

Bale of Straw Raw  

Ball of Chalk Walk After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square.

Balloon Car Saloon Bar I'll be at the balloon.

Ballroom Blitz Tits (breasts) She's got marvellous ballrooms. Ballroom Blitz is a song by a group named Sweet.

Band of Hope Soap  

Bangers and Mash

Cash I knew his cheques were dodgy, so I got him to pay me in bangers.

Bar 1000000  

Barclays Bank Wank He's having a barclays.

Barn Owl Row (argument)

Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk. Not satisfied with the slang, the word is extended to 'Barney' to thoroughly confuse everyone.

Barnaby Rudge Judge I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.

Barnacle Bills Testicles  

Barnet Fair Hair She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.

Barney Marlin M'Darlin  

Barney Rubble Trouble Stay away from him. He's really Barney.

Barry Crocker Shocker  

Barry Mcguigan

Biggun (big one)

 

Barry White Shite (shit) I need a Barry White.

Basil Fawlty Balti  

Basil Fawlty 40  

Basin of Gravy Baby  

Bat and Wicket Ticket I've got a bat for tonight's train.

Battle Cruiser Boozer (liquor store)

I've got to get to the battle before I go to the party.

Battle of Waterloo

Stew  

Bazaar Bar  

Beans on Toast Evening Post Go and buy the beans on toast will you son.

bear's paw Saw  

Bed and Breakfast

26  

Beecham's Pill Bill (statement)

I got my Beecham's from the tax people.

Beecham's Pill Still  

Bees and Honey

Money Can't go in there without any bees.

Bee's Knees Business  

beggar my neighbour

Labour  

Ben Cartwright Shite  

Bended Knees Cheese  

Bengal Lancer Chancer (someone not qualified)

News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen.

Benny Hills Pills  

Berlin Walls Balls Me pants are too tight and making me berlins wobbly.

Bernard Matthew

Queue  

Bernie Flint Skint  

Bernie Winter Printer  

Betty Grable Table  

Bexley Heath Teeth  

Biffo the Bear Hair Me biffo's not looking the best today. Biffo the Bear was on the cover of Beano from 1948 to 1974.

Big Ben Ten  

Big Dippers Slippers  

Bill Murray Curry  

Billie Jean Clean  

Billie Piper Windshield Wiper

 

Billies Bunter Punters  

Billy Goat Throat I've got a sore billy goat.

Bin Lid Quid  

Bird Lime Time What's the bird?

Bird's Nest Chest I had to punch him in the bird's nest.

Biscuit and Cookie

Rookie  

Biscuit Tin Chin He's got a big biscuit.

Biscuits and Cheese

Knees I've been on my biscuits all day.

bladder of lard Card  

Blood Red Head She likes to give blood.

Blushing Bride Girl Guide  

Bo Diddley Kidney Me bo's are giving me gyp.

Boat Race Face Nice legs, shame about the boat. Also a good song by The Monks.

Bob 1 Shilling (5 pence)

 

Bob Cryer Liar Shut up you Bob - yer talking out yer aris. Sergeant Bob Cryer is a character in "The Bill".

Bob Hope Dope (marijuana)

I think he's been smoking a bit of Bob Hope.

Bob Hope Soap  

Bob McNab Cab  

Bob Squash Wash  

Bobble Hat Laugh  

Bobby & Dick Sick  

Bobby Moore Sure  

Bobby Moore Score You know the Bobby. Bobby Moore was a great footballer who died in 1993.

Boiler House Spouse Me boiler's always yammerin' on.

Bonney Fair Hair She's got beautiful shiny bonney.

Boom and Mizzen

Prison e's off to the boom for a bit.

Bo-Peep Sleep What I need is a good bo-peep.

Borassic Lint Skint (broke) He's right boric.

Boris Karloff Cough That's a nasty old boris you've got there son.

Boris the Bold Cold  

Born and Bred Bed  

Bottle and Glass

Arse I gave him a good kick up the bottle.

Bottle and Glass

Class  

Bottle and Stopper

Copper (Police Officer)

 

Bottle of bass Gas  

Bottle of Glue 2  

Bottle of porter Daughter  

Bottle of Sauce Horse  

Bottles and Stoppers

Coppers (police)

Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me!

Boutrous Gali Charlie (cocaine)

 

Bow and Arrow

Sparrow Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest. Usually the full slang expression is used.

Bow and Arrow

Barrow  

Bow and Arrows

Farrahs (trousers)

Nice pair of bow and arrows. Use your best Cockney accent here.

Bowl of Fruit Suit Are you wearing your bowl of fruit tonight?

Bowler Hat Chat Let's get together for a bowler.

Box of Toys Noise Hold your box - they can hear you miles away!

Brace and Bits Tits (breasts) Blimey - what a brace!

Brad Pitt Shit I right need a Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt Tit (breast) Nice pair of brads.

Brahms and Liszt

Pissed (drunk) He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink.

Brass Tacks Facts Ere, you've got your brass wrong!

Bread & Jam Van  

Bread and Butter

Gutter Found him laying in the bread and butter. Usually full slang expression is used.

Bread and Cheese

Sneeze I hate allergies - one good bread after another.

Bread and Honey

Money Let's drink with him - he's got bread. This one has enjoyed very common usage.

Bread knife Wife  

Brenda Lee Key Where's me brenda's?

Brian Clough Rough  

Bricks and Mortar

Daughter  

Brigham Young

Tongue  

Bright and Breezy

Easy  

Brighton Pier Queer (homosexual)

That blokes a bit of a Brighton.

Briney Marlin Darlin' You look lovely tonight, me old briney.

Bristol Cities Titties (breasts)

She's got a lovely pair of Bristols.

Bristol Pistol Brassiere  

British Rail Mail  

Brittney Spears Beers ow about a Brittney?

Brixton Riot Diet  

Bromley by bow's

Toes  

Brown Bread Dead I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread

Bruce Lee's Keys Have you seen me brucies?

Brussel Sprout Shout  

Brussel Sprouts

Scouts He's always been a brussel.

Bubble and Squeak

Greek E's not a bad bloke for a bubble. Bubble and squeak is a uniquely British dish of fried mashed potatoes and something green (usually cabbage, but left over brussel sprouts work well)

Bubble and Week  

Squeak

Bubble Bath Laugh You're 'avin a bubble aren't ya?

Bucket and Pail

Jail One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket.

Bugle Nose  

Bugs Bunny Money I've got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub.

Bull and Cow Row (argument)

Had a right bull with my misses last night.

Bullock's Horn Pawn (as in-pawn)

 

Bungle & Zippy

Nippy  

Bunny Talk  

Burnt Cinder Window Close the bloody burnt. This works if you mispronounce window... winda - and cinder... cinda as any good Englishman would.

Burton on Trent

Rent They've raised my burton again.

Bushel and Peck

Neck He's got a bushel like tree trunk.

Bushey Park Joke  

Bushey Park Lark  

Buster Keaton Meetin' (meeting)

We'll see you at the Buster.

Butcher's Hook Look Here - take a butcher's at this.

 C

Cab Rank Bank I won't be long - just going to the cab rank.

Cadbury's (snack)

Back  

Cain and Abel Table Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper).

Callards Trousers  

Calvin Klein 9  

Calvin Klein Fine I'm calvin today.

Cambridge and Oxford

Ugly Face  

Camel's Hump Dump (shit) Just going for a quick camels.

Can of Oil Boil e'd be nice looking once his canov's clear up.

canal boat Tote  

Canary Fairy (Gay)  

Candle Wax Tax  

Candlesticks Zits  

Canoes Shoes  

Cape of Good Hope

Soap Go wash yourself - and use the cape.

Captain Cook Look  

Captain Hook Book I've read this captain.

Captain Kirk Work  

Cardboard Box Pox  

Carpet 3  

Carpet Pile Smile  

Cash and Carried

Married Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend.

Cat and Cages Wages  

Cat and Dog Bog (Toilet)  

Cat and Mouse House Went 'round to his cat to wake him up.

Century 100  

Chalfont St Giles

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Me chalfonts are playing up.

Chalk Farm Arm He broke his chalk.

Charing Cross Horse  

Charlie Brown Clown  

Charlie Chan Tan  

Charlie Dicken Chicken  

Charlie Hunt Cunt (Fool)  

Charlie Nash Slash  

Charlie Pride Ride  

Charlie Ronce Ponce  

Chas and Dave Shave I'm off for a chas.

Cheerful Giver Liver Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight.

Cheese & Ham Scram  

Cheese & Kisses

Missus  

Cheese and Rice

Jesus Christ  

Cheese Gratter Raver  

Cheese rind Four of a Kind  

Cheesy Quaver Favour Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site.

Chelsea Pier Queer  

Cheltenham Bold

Cold  

Cheque Gregory Peck I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory.

Cherry Hogg Dog My bloody cherry is off again.

Cherry Ripe Pipe  

Chevy Chase Face She's got a lovely Chevy Chase.

Chicken & Hen 10  

Chicken and Rice

Nice  

Chicken Oriental

Mental (crazy) It was chicken oriental down the nuclear on Friday night.

Chicker Haircut  

China Plate Mate How are you, my old china?

Chinese Blind Mind You're out of you little chinese mate.

Ching 5  

Chipmunks Trunks  

Chips & Peas Knees  

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Cockney Rhyming Slang

We're talking about chitty chitty on this web site.

Chocolate Fudge

Judge  

chopsticks Six  

Christian Slater Later See you Christian Slater.

Christmas crackered

Knackered  

Church Boys Customs & Excise

 

Cilla Black Back  

Cilla Black Late You're a bit Cilla today, mate.

Claire Rayners Trainers (running shoes)

I've got me new Claire Rayners on. Claire Rayner is an author.

Claret (red wine)

Blood  

Clement Freud hemorrhoid Oooh, me clements!

clickety click Sixty-six  

Clothes Peg Egg  

Coals and Coke

Broke  

Coat Hanger Clanger (mistake)

He dropped a coat. A clanger is when you really put your foot in it.

Cobbler's Awls Balls (testicles)

Go on! Kick him in the cobblers! Can also be used to express disbelief, such as "Cobblers! That's not the way it is."

Cock and Hen Ten I didn't get much change back from a cock

cock linnet Minute  

Cock Sparrow Barrow He's wheeling his cock 'round the market.

Cockle Tenner  

Cockle and Mussells

Brussells (sprouts)

 

Colonel Gadaffi

Cafe  

Comedy Dave Rave (dance) You coming to the comedy? Comedy Dave is a Radio 1 DJ

Comic Cuts Guts  

Conan Doyle Boil This one was sent to me - I'm not familiar with it. Don't know if it means boil as in hot water or boil as in 'better see a doctor'

Constantino Rocca

Shocker Played a round of golf yesterday - had a complete Constantino .Constantino Rocca is an Italian golfer

Corn on the Cob

Job e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn

Cough and Drag

Fag (cigarette) I'm going out for a quick cough and drag

Council Gritter Shitter When I sat down there was a pin on my chair!

(rectum) Right up the council gritter! He reports that a council gritter is the machine that comes around and puts grit on icy roads

country cousin Dozen  

Cow and Calf Half (a pint) I could use a cow and calf. He reports that there's a pub in Grenoside (near Sheffield) called the Cow and Calf

Cows Calf Laugh Your having a cows calf, ain't you

Cozzer's Cops  

Cream cookies Bookies  

Cream Crackered

Knackered (tired)

I'm cream crackered, mate.

Crosby, Stills, Nash

Cash That blokes not short of Crosby

Crown Jewels Tools  

Crust of Bread Head Use your crust, mate.

Cucumbers Numbers  

Cuddle and Kiss

Miss She's a cute little cuddle.

Currant Bun Son He's awfully proud of his currant.

Current Bun Nun My meanest teachers were currents

Current Bun Sun Old current bun's out today

Custard and Jelly

Telly (TV) As usual, nothing on the custard tonight.

Cuts and Scratches

Matches Do you have any cuts?

 D

Daffy Down Dilly

Silly e's a bit daffy. Daffy Down Dilly is a line of dolls from Madam Alexander.

Daft and Barmy

Army He was promoted in the daft.

Daily Mail Tale  

Daisy Dancers Stairs Get yerself up the daisy dancers. This one's a bit convoluted: Daisy Dancer => Dancing Bears => Stairs. The daisy dancer reference is a twist on the Dancing Bears=>Stairs slang.

Daisy Roots Boots You can't go out in the rain without your daisies.

Dame Judy Stench A right Dame Judy in here

Dench

Dancing Bears Stairs Get yerself up the dancing bears

Dancing Fleas Keys  

Daniel Boone Spoon Pass me a daniel

Danny La Rue Clue He ain't got a danny.

Danny Marr Car (flash one)  

Darby and Joan Moan  

Darling Daughter

Water  

Darren Gough Cough This Darren is killing me pants and vest Darren Gough is one heck of a cricketer.

David Boon Spoon Pass me that David Boon. David Boon is an Australian cricketer

David Bowie Blowy (Windy)

 

David Gower Shower I'd just got out of the David Gower. David Gower is an English cricketer

David Gowers Towers  

David Mellors Stellas (beers)  

Day's Work 100  

Dead Horse Sauce Pass the dead horse

Dead Loss Boss  

Dead Ross Tomato Sauce  

Deaf and Dumb

Bum  

Deep Sea Diver

Fiver  

Deep sea glider Cider  

Dental Flosser Tosser  

Derby Kelly Belly That's the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well .From old cockney song Boiled Beef and Carrots - pronounced Darby.

Desmond Hackett

Jacket  

Desmond Tutu 2:2 (lower second class degree)

He's got his Desmond

Desperate Dan Suntan  

Desperate Dans

Cans (headphones)

ere - put your desperates on

Dick Van Dyke Bike  

Dickory Dock Clock What's the time on the dickory?

Dicky Bird Word He left without so much as a dicky.

Dicky Dirt Shirt Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here.

Dig in the Grave

Shave A quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go.

Ding Dong Song Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong. Usually the full slang expression is used

Ding Dong Bell

Hell  

Dinky Do Twenty-two  

Dinky Doos Shoes  

Dirty Den 10  

Dixie Deans Jeans  

Do me Good Wood  

Doctor Crippen Dripping  

Doctor Dre Gay (homosexual)

E's a bit of a doctor. Dr. Dre is a rap artist

Dog and Bone Phone She's always on the dog.

Dog's Eye Meat Pie  

Dog's Knob Job Me new motor is just the dog's knob

Dolly Dimple Simple She's a bit Dolly Dimple

Dolly Mixtures Pictures  

Donald Duck Luck How's your Donald?

Donald Duck F**k  

Donald Peers Ears  

Donald Trump Dump (shit) I've got to go for a donald

Donkey Rides Strides (trousers)

He's wearing black donkeys

Donkey's Ears Years Ain't seen you in donkeys mate.

Dorothy Dicks 6  

Dorothy Tyres  

Squires

Dot and Dash Cash  

Dot Cotton Rotten  

Doug McClure Whore  

Douglas Hurd Turd (shit) I need to dump a Douglas . Douglas Hurd is a politician.

Dover Harbour Barber I'm off to Dover to get me barnet sorted

Down the Drains

Brains  

D'Oyly Carte Fart Have you done a d'oyly? D'Oyly Carte is a light opera company

Drip Dry Cry  

Drum and Bass Face  

Drum and Fife Knife  

Drum Roll Hole Let's pop 'round to my drum (referring to someone's house).

Drummond and Roce

Knife and Fork  

Duane Eddies Readies (cash)  

Duchess of Fife

Wife Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight?

Duchess of Teck

Cheque  

Duck and Dive Skive  

Duck's Arse Grass (Informant)

 

Dudley Moore's

Sores  

Duke of Argyles

Piles  

Duke of Kent Rent I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week

Duke of York Chalk  

Duke of York Fork Keep your fingers out of your grub, man. Use a duke

Duke Of York Cork  

Dunkirk Work  

Dunlop Tyre Liar 'e's a bit of a dunlop

Dustbin Lids Kids A nice girl but too many dustbin's.

Dustins Hoffman

Rothmans  

 E

Ear'ole (Ear Hole)

Dole (welfare) If I get the tin tack I'm going on the ear'ole

Early Hour Flower  

Eartha Kitt Shit I'm going for an Eartha

Eartha Kitts Tits (breasts) Nice Eartha's

Earwig Twig  

East and West Vest  

East Ham Mad  

East West Breast 'ave a look at her easts

Easy Rider Cider Pint of Easy Rider please

Eau de cologne Phone  

Eddie Grundies Undies  

Edgar Alan Poe

Tow  

Edinburgh Fringe

Minge  

Edna Everage Beverage Would you like an Edna? Edna Everage (aka Dame Edna) is a star, darling!

Edward Heath Teeth He got smacked in the Edwards. Edward Heath was PM in the early 1970's

Egg Yolk Joke  

Eiffel Tower Shower  

Eighteen Pence Sense  

Elephant and Castle

Arsehole  

Elephant's Trunk

Drunk He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.

Elliot Ness Mess My drum's a right Elliot

Elsie Tanner Spanner (wrench)

Can I borrow your elsie

Elsie Tanner Planner  

Emma Freuds Hemorrhoids Me Emma's are playing me up. Emma is a BBC DJ on Radio 1

Ernie Marsh Grass  

Errol Flynn Chin  

Euan Blair Leicester Square

We're getting off the train at Euan Blair station

Evening Breeze

Cheese  

Everton Toffee Coffee I'll have an everton

Eyes of Blue True  

 F

Fainting Fits Tits (breasts) Wouldn't mind getting me germans on her faintings

Faith and Hope Soap Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands

Falun Gong Wrong It seems to have all gone a bit falun gong. From semi-obscure evil Chinese cult with tendency to inaccuracy, therefore appropriate.

Family Tree Lavatory  

Fanny Blair Hair  

Fanny Craddock

Haddock  

Fanny Hill Pill (Contraceptive)

 

Far East Priest  

Farmer Giles Piles (hemorrhoids)

Blimey, I ain't 'alf suffering from me farmers

Farmer's Daughter

Quarter  

Fat and Skinny Mini  

Fat and Wide Bride  

Fatboy Slim Gym I'm going down to the fatboy .Fatboy Slim is a recording artist

Father Ted Dead  

Feathers 33  

Fibre of your fabric

Loot (money) C'mon, let me feel the fibre of your fabric. fabric=>suit=>loot]

Fiddle De Dee Pee / Wee  

Field of Wheat Street He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus.

Fine and Dandy

Brandy A small drop of fine would suit me.

Finger and Thumb

Rum  

Finlay Quaye Gay (homosexual)

That boozer is Finlay ub .Finlay Quaye is a musician

Finsbury Park Mark  

Fireman's Hose Nose Look at the size of his fireman's

First Aid Kits Tits  

Fish and Chips Tips (Gratuities)

 

Fish Hook Book I've read the new fish by Deighton.

Fisherman's Daughter

Water  

Five to Two Jew If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.

Flight Lieutenant Biggles

Giggles  

Flowers and Frolics

Bollocks  

Flowery Dell Cell I've got three more years in this flower.

Fly-by-Nights Tights  

Foot pump Dump  

Fore and Aft Daft  

Fork and Knife Wife  

Forrest Gump Dump (shit) "Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first".

Forsythe Saga Lager Mines a forsythe

Four by Two Jew He's not from around here - he's a four.

Four Seasons Reasons  

Four Wheeler Sheila  

Francis Drakes Brakes  

Frank Bough Off  

Frankie Howard

Coward  

Frankie Vaughan

Porn Is there any Frankie on the telly tonight?

Frankie Vaughan

Prawn  

Fred Astaire Hair  

Fred McMurrays

Worries  

French Kiss Piss (Urinate)  

Friar Tuck Luck E always had a bit of friar tuck.

Fridge Freezer Geezer  

Frog and Toad Road Don't ride your bike on the frog. See Road => Kermit

Front Door Bore  

Front Wheel Skid

Yid (Jew) He's a front wheel.

Fruit Gum Chum How yer doing, my old fruit

Frying Pan Fan  

Fugly Ugly  

 G

Gamma Ray Stray That Mary's a bit of a gamma

Gang and Mob Gob (mouth) He's got a big gang

Garden Gate 8  

Garden Gate Magistrate  

Garden Gate Late  

Garden Gate Mate  

Gary Abblets Tablets (Ecstasy)

 

Gary Glitter Bitter (beer) Give us a pint of gary

Gary Glitter Shitter (rectum)

He kicked him right up the Gary

Gary Player All Dayer (all day drinking)

Let's make it a Gary Player

Gates of Rome Home  

Gathers Cops  

Gavvers Police  

Gay & Hearty Party  

Gay and Frisky Whisky I'll have a gay and I'm off. Be careful where you use this

Gay Gordon Parking Warden

 

General Election

Erection  

Geoff Hurst Burst (urinate) I'm dying for a Geoff. Geoff Hurst's World Cup Final hat-trick v West Germany at Wembley in 1966 and six goals v Sunderland (19.10.68) two years later, have been woven into the fabric of football folklore.

Geoff Hurst Thirst I've got a Geoff on tonight Sir Geoff Hurst was the only footballer to score three goals in a World Cup final.

Geoffrey Chaucer

Saucer  

George and Zippy

Nippy (cold) It's a bit George. Eli Davenport reports that George & Zippy are from an old BBC kids show called Rainbow

George Bernard Shaw

Door  

George Best Chest (In football) Over 'ere son, on me Georgie . George Best is a famous footballer

George Martin Farting  

George Raft Draft There's a bit of a george in here.

Georgie Bests Breasts  

Georgio Armani

Sarnie (Sandwich)

 

German Bands Hands Get your germans off my missus.

Gertie Gitana Banana I like a gertie on my cereal .Possibly an old music hall star

Giggle and Titter

Bitter (beer) ere. I could use a giggle.

Gin and Tonic Supersonic  

Ginger Ale Jail e's doing time in the ginger.

Ginger Beer Engineer He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.

Ginger Beer Queer (odd) I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger.

Gipsy's Warning

Morning  

Giraffe Laugh You're havin' a giraffe, mate.

Girls and Boys Noise  

Glasgow Ranger

Stranger  

Glass of Plonk Conk (Nose)  

Glass of Water Quarter  

Glenn Hoddle Doddle (easy or straight forward)

That jobs a Glen Hoddle. Glenn Hoddle is the coach of the English football team replacing Terry Venables.

Gloria Gaynors Trainers (running shoes)

That's a nice pair of Gloria's

Gobstopper Chopper (Penis)

 

God Forbids Kids Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.

Gold Watch Scotch (Whisky)

E enjoys his gold watch

Goldie Locks (Goldies)

Socks  

Goose's Neck Cheque He stuck me with a bouncing goose.

Gordon & Gotch

Watch  

Grand 1000  

Grass in the Park

Nark  

Grasshopper Copper (police)

He got nabbed by the grasshoppers.

Gravel and grit Shit  

Gravy lumps Dumps  

Grease and Grime

Time  

Green eggs and ham

Exam  

Greengages Wages I've blown the greengages down at the dogs

Gregory Peck Cheque I never 'ad any bread on me, so I 'ad to pay by Gregory. I'm going down to the iron to sausage a gregory.

Gregory Peck Specs (spectacles)

Where's me gregs

Gregory Peck Neck Wind you Gregory in

Gypsy Nell Hell My knee is giving me gyp today.

Gypsy's Kiss Piss Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's.

 H

Habitual Knitter

Bitter  

Haddock and Bloater

Motor (car) I've gone and locked me keys in the haddock

Hair Gel Bell  

Hairy knees Please  

Hairy Nips Chips  

Half a Gross Dose  

Half Inch Pinch (steal) Someone's half-inched me pint!

Half inched Pinched  

Half Past Three Tea Where's me bleeding cuppa arf past?

Ham and Cheesy

Easy  

Ham and Eggs Legs  

Ham Shank Bank  

Ham Shanks Yanks  

Hammer and Tack

Back Ooh! Me 'ammer and tack's playing me up again.

Hampden Roar Score You know the hampden. The Hampden Roar is is a commonly used term that refers to the noise made when fans cheer on Scotland at Hampden Park

Hampstead Heath

Teeth His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime.

Hampton Wick Prick He gets on my wick. Don't even try to understand this one - just accept it

Hank Marvin Starvin' I'm bloody Hank Marvin. I haven't eaten all day Hank Marvin was the guitarist for The Shadows from the 1960's to the 1990's.

Hansel and Gretel

Kettle  

Harold Wilson's

Stilsons (Pipe Wrenches)

 

Harris Tweed Weed  

Harry Bash Cash  

Harry Dash Flash (natty) e was alway a bit of an 'arry

Harry Kewell Cool  

Harry Lime Time What's the Harry Lime? Harry Lime is a character in 'The Third Man'

Harry Lin Chin  

Harry Monk Spunk (semen) This glue's as sticky as a load of Harry. Harry Monk was an old music hall entertainer.

Harry Nash Cash There's a discount if you're paying Harry Nash - if anyone knows the origin of this I'd appreciate it

Harry Rag Fag (cigarette) Have you got a harry? I don't know who or what a "Harry Rag is. If you know please tell me.

Harry Randall Candle Look at all the Harry's on his cake.

Harry Wragg Fag (cigarette) Have you got a harry? Frank Baynham reports that Harry Wragg was a famous jockey

Harvey Nichol Pickle  

Hat Rack Back  

Hay Stack Back  

Heap of Coke Bloke  

Hearts of Oak Broke (financial)

I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.

Hedge and Ditch

Pitch (Stall or Stand)

 

Henry Eighth  

Henry Moore Door They broke the 'enry down at number thirty two

Here and there Chair  

Herring bone Phone  

Hey Diddle Diddle

Middle  

Hide and Seek Cheek He kissed me on my hide and seek

Highland Fling Ring  

Hillman Hunters

Punters  

Hit and Miss Piss I've got to have a hit before we go out.

hit and miss Kiss  

Hobsons Choice

Voice  

Holly Hox Pox  

Holy Friar Liar 'e's a bit of a holy friar

Holy Ghost Toast How about another round of 'oly.

Holy Ghost Racing Post  

Hopping Pot Lot (Serving or share)

That's your hopping mate. Meaning, that's all you get. this may have originated with Londoners who traveled to Kent and other districts to gather hops for beer

Horace Batchelor

Spatula  

Horse and Cart Fart Have you just horse & carted?

Horse and Cart Heart  

Hot Cross Bun Nun  

Hot Cross Bun Son  

Hotpoint Fridge

Severn Bridge  

House to Let Bet  

Housemaid's Knee

Sea  

How d'you Do Shoe  

How's your father?

Lather  

Hum & Song Pong (smell)  

 I

I Suppose Nose That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.

Ian Beale Deal  

Ian Wrights Lights  

Ice cream freezer  

Ice Cream Freezer

Geezer e's not a bad old ice cream

I'm Afloat Overcoat  

Inky Smudge Judge  

Ins and Outs Snouts (Cigarettes)

ere mate, got any ins and outs? (See Salmon and Trout)

Irish Jig Wig I think that blokes wearing an Irish

Irish Rose Nose She gave me a kiss on my Irish.

Iron Hoof Poof He's a bit of an iron.

(homosexual)

Iron Tank Bank He lost his house to the iron.

Isle of Wight Right  

Isle of Wight Light  

Itch and Scratch

Match  

Itchy Teeth Beef  

Ivory Band Hand  

 J

J. Arthur Rank Wank (masturbate)

e's off having a J. Arthur

Jack & Jill Till (Cash register)

E got nicked with 'is 'ands in the old jack and jill

Jack an' Dandy Handy  

Jack and Danny

Fanny She's just sitting at home on her Jack and Danny

Jack and Jill Bill (statement)

I'm going home - can I have my Jack?

Jack and Jill Pill (birth control)

She's on the Jack

Jack and Jill Hill The store is up the jack. [See also Bill]

Jack and Jill Till  

Jack Jones Alone  

Jack Jones Alone He went to the pub all Jack.

Jack Jones Own  

Jack 'n' Danny Fanny  

Jack Palance Dance  

Jack Tar Bar (pub) I'm off to the Jack. See also 'Alone' and Bar (pub). Could be very confusing if you're going alone - "I'm off to the jack jack". Or, if you were telling your brother Jack, "I'm off to the jack jack, Jack"

Jack the Dandy Brandy  

Jack the Ripper Stripper I love me jack the rippers

Jack the Ripper Kipper  

Jackanory Story  

jackdaw Jaw  

Jackie Chan Scran (food) I'm Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner

Jacks alive Five  

Jackson Pollock

Bollocks This modern art's a load of old Jacksons . Pollock is a "20th Century strange artist".

Jacobs Crackers

Knackers (testicles)

That toe-rag kicked me in the Jacobs

Jam Jar Car Bloody jam is down again.

Jam Roll Arsehole That geezer is a right jam roll.

Jam Tart Heart  

James Dean Obscene  

Jamie Redknapp

Crap  

Jazz Bands Hands Get yer jazz bands off me

Jeckyll and Hyde

Snide 'e's a bit Jeckyll

Jekyll and Hyde

Pride You lost your jekyll or something?

Jekyll and Hydes

Strides [trousers)

Just bought a new pair of Jekylls

Jenny Lee Key  

Jeremiah Fire  

Jerry Cottle Bottle  

Jerry O'Gorman

Mormon  

Jim Skinner Dinner Is my Jim ready yet?

Jimmy Hill Bill (statement)

Have we paid the Jimmy Hill yet? . Jimmy Hill is a football pundit and former player

Jimmy Hill Pill  

Jimmy Hill Ill  

Jimmy Nail Hell  

Jimmy Orner Corner  

Jimmy Riddle Piddle (urinate)

I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy.

Joanna Piano He sparkles on the joanna. Just to confuse you, they mispronounce the word you're trying say, so instead of 'piano' they call it a 'piana'

Jockey Whips Chips I'll have a large plate of jockey's

Jockey's whip Kip  

Jodrell Bank Wank Just off for a Jodrell .Jodrell Bank was the site of a University of Manchester botanical station, about 20 miles south of Manchester, back in the 1940's. Today, Jodrell Bank is a leading radio astronomy facility.

Joe Baxi Taxi Mind if I share your Joe Baxi? William Coward says Joe Baxi was a heavyweight boxer who knocked out British champ George Woodcock around 1950.

Joe Blake Steak  

Joe Blake Snake  

Joe Brown Town  

Joe Goss Boss Never trust a joe .Joe Goss was a talented boxer

Joe Hook Book  

Joe Rook Crook  

John Cleese Keys 'ave you seen me johns

John Cleese Peas Eat yer John Cleese - they're good for you

John Cleese Cheese I'm meeting the big John Cleese today at work

John Major Pager Me John Major's just gone off

John Major Wager (bet)  

John O'Groat Throat 'e cleared his groat whilst wiping his mincers with 'is germans

John Skinner Dinner  

John Wayne Train  

Johnnie Horner Corner I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.

Johnny Horner Corner  

Johnny Mutter Butter  

Johnny Vaughn

Yawn Can't hold back a good Johnny .Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast

Johnny Vaughn

Porn I enjoy a bit of Johnny .Johnny Vaughn was the star of The Big Breakfast

Judge Jules Tools  

Julian Clary Fairy  

Julius Caesar Geezer ere, look at the 'ampsteads on that Julius

Jumping Jack Back  

 K

Kareem Abdul Jabbar

Car Bloody kareem is down again. Kareem Abdul Jabbar is a basketball player in the U.S. How he got into rhyming slang I'll never know!

Kate Steak  

Kate and Sydney

Steak and Kidney

A lovely Kate and Sydney pie [Not really rhyming slang - more a matter of getting your mords wixed up]

Kate Karney Army He's off and joined the Kate.

Kate Moss Toss I couldn't give a Kate Moss.

Kate Mossed It Lost It  

Kathy Burke Work  

Keith (Chegwin)

Pregnant  

Keith Deller Stella (Artois)  

Ken Boon 4 Door Saloon  

Ken Smee Pee  

Kermit Road e took off down the kermit. From Kermit the Frog => frog and toad => road.

Kermit the Frog

Bog  

Kerry Packer Knackered (tired)

I'm right Kerry'd - Kerry Packer is an Australian media magnate (and bleeding rich!)

Kettle and Hob Watch (fob watch)

That's a lovely kettle. I got the following from Dudley who wondered about the connection between a kettle and a watch - he passed on the following story:

Kevin Keegan Vegan  

Khyber Pass Arse Stick it up your khyber.

Kick and Prance

Dance  

Kick Start Tart Is this a lads night or are we taking the kicks

kidney punch Lunch  

King Lear Queer (homosexual)

e's a bit King Lear.

King Lear Ear  

King Tut Gut  

Kingdom Bum He just sat on his kingdom all day

Come

King's Death Breath  

Kippers Slippers  

Kitchen Sink Clink (jail) After that last episode he'll be in the kitchen for a while

Kitchen Sink Drink  

Kite Cheque  

Knobbly Knees Keys Have you got your knobblies with you?

Knobbly Knees Peas We're havin' sexton and knobblies

Kungfu Fighter Lighter  

Kuwaity Tanker

Wanker  

 L

Lady from Bristol

Pistol  

Lady Godiva Fiver (5 pound note)

Ere, that bloke still owes me lady!

Lager and Lime

Spine  

Lah-di-dah Star  

Lamb & Mint Skint  

Lar-dee-dar Cigar  

Lards Trousers 'e was caught with 'is lards down. Lards is from Callards & Bowsers, makers of fine toffee's.

last card in the pack

Sack  

Laugh and Titter

Bitter (Beer)  

Lee Marvin Starvin' I'm Lee Marvin... if you're really hungry you could say, "I'm Hank, and his brother Lee". Lee Marvin was an American actor. See other entry for starvin' (Hank Marvin). And no - they're not related.

Left in the Lurch

Church  

Legs 11  

Lemon Curd Girlfriend  

Lemon Dash Flash Don't act so lemon

Lemon Lime Crime Not one lemon reported all night

Lemon Squeesy

Easy  

Lemon Squeezer

Geezer  

Leo Fender Bender (homosexual)

That blokes a bit leo after all. The late Leo Fender was the inventor of the Stratocaster guitar

Leo Sayer All Dayer (all day drinking session)

Let's make it a Leo Sayer.

Lesley Crowthers

Trousers  

Lester Piggot Bigot  

Light and bitter Shitter  

Light and Dark Park  

Lilian Gish Fish Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.

Lilley & Skinner

Beginner  

Lilley and Skinner

Dinner  

Lillian Gish Pish  

Lilly and Skinner

Dinner What's for lilly and skinner

Linda Lusardi Cardy (cardigan)

Oh my God - look at that awful Linda he's wearing

Linen Draper Paper (newspaper)

Has the morning linen come yet?

Ling and Linger

Ring on Finger  

Lionel Bart Fart  

Lionel Blaire Flares (wide bottom trousers)

Got on his best lionels for the evening. Lionel Blaire is a performer.

Lionel Blaire Nightmare I'm havin' a right lionel Lionel Blaire is a performer.

Lion's Lair Chair Have a lion's while you wait.

Little and Large

Marge  

Little Critter Bullshitter  

Liz Hurley Early 'e's never gotten here liz

Liza Minelli Telly (TV) What's on the Liza?

Loaf of Bread Head Don't just stand there - use your loaf.

Lollipop Shop  

Long Un 1000  

Longers and Lingers

Fingers  

Loop de Loop Soup Nothing like a good loop on a cold day.

Lord Lovel Shovel  

Lord Mayor Swear  

Lord of the Manor

Tanner  

Lords and Peers

Ears  

Louise Wener Tenner (10 pound note)

ere, lend us a louise. Louise Wener is a singer with the band Sleeper

Lousy Brown Crown  

Love and Kisses

Missus (Mrs) Where did your love and kisses go?

L-Rig Girl  

Lucy Locket Pocket Keep it in your Lucy.

 M

Macaroni Pony (25 pound)

 

Macca Crap I'm off for a macca . Comes from Macaroni => pony; Pony & Trap => Crap

Mae West Best I'm Mae West at Cockney Rhyming Slang

Magnus Pike Dyke (Lesbian)

She looks like a right Magnus - Magnus Pike was an 'off the wall' TV personality who would (and could) explain complex scientific concepts to kids

Mahatma Ghandi

Randy  

Major Stevens Evens (betting)  

Man on the Moon

Spoon  

Manchester Scally

Rally  

Manhole Cover Brother My manhole cover is coming for a visit. How does manhole cover rhyme with brother you ask? Simple... if you pronounce brother as "bruvver"!

Mark Ramprakash

Slash  

Mars Bar Scar I fell down the apple and pears trying to answer the dog & bone, hit my head and ended up with a mars bar

Master McGrath

Bra  

Matheson Lang Slang (Cockney Rhyming)

 

Mavis Fritter Shitter  

Melvyn Bragged

Shagged  

Melvynn Bragg

Fag (cigarette) Oi, mate. Can I scrounge a melvynn of you

Merchant Banker

Wanker He's a right merchant

Merlyn Rees Peice (lunch)  

Merry Old Soul

Arsehole 'e's a bit of a merry old soul

Meryl Streep Sleep  

Meryl Streep Cheap  

metric miles Piles  

Michael Caine Train I missed me Michael

Michael Caines Stains  

Michael Miles Piles  

Michael Winner

Dinner I'm Hank Marvin. I could use some top Jackie for me Michael Winner.Michael Winner is the food critic for the Sunday Times

Mick Jagger Lager How about a couple of Mick Jaggers over here?

Mick Mills Pills 'e's always 'ad a weakness for the Mick Mills . Mick Mills played for Ipswich in the '70s

Mickey Bliss Piss (Make fun He's always taking the mickey out of someone

of)

Mickey Duff Puff (marijuana)

Here, mate. Got any Mickey?

Mickey Most Toast  

Mickey Mouse House I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight. Usually means a theatre rather than a residence

Mickey Mouse Scouse  

Mickey Rourke Pork  

Midland Bank Wank (masturbate)

I'm going for a midland

Mikkel Becks Specs [Spectacles)

Where did I put me Mikkel's? - Mikkel Beck is a footballer

Milton Keynes Jeans  

Mince Pies Eyes She got beatiful minces.

Moby Dick Sick I'm feeling a bit Moby today.

Molly O'Morgan

Organ  

Monkey 500  

Monkey Wrench

Wench  

Monkey's cousin

Dozen  

monkey's tail Nail  

Moriarty Party Mental morry mate

Mork and Mindy

Windy Cor, it's bloody mork today, shows you that the slang is constantly evolving

Mother Hubbard

Cupboard There's nothing in the mother.

Mother of Pearl

Girl  

Mother's Ruin Gin Another mothers would sit well.

Mozambique Keek  

Mrs Chant Aunt  

Mrs Duckett Bucket  

Mrs. Chant Aunt He didn't know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas

Mum and Dad Mad He's a bit mum and dad.

Mumbley Pegs Legs Stand on your own mumbleys

Murray mint  

Murray Walker Talker She's a real murray 6 just can't get her to shut up!

Murray-mint Skint  

Mutt and Jeff Deaf Poor buggers mutt and jeff. Usually full slang expression is used. very often the expression is shortened to mutton as in "Poor buggers mutton".

Mutter and Stutter

Butter  

Mystic Meg Leg  

 N

Nails and Tacks

Fax  

Nanny Goat Throat Get that down your nanny

Nanny Goat Boat I took my nanny out on the river.

Nanny Goat Coat Put your nannies on - it's taters out.

Nat King Cole Dole (welfare) I've got to sign on the old Nat King

Natter Chat  

Near and Far Bar (pub) I saw him at the near.

Ned Kelly Telly  

Needle and Pin Gin I'll have a small needle and tonic.

Nelson Eddy's Readies (pound notes)

e's got a pile of nelsons!

Nelson Mandelas

Stella (beer) A couple of nelsons please

Nena 99  

Nervo 9  

nervo and Knox

Box  

Nervous Wreck

Cheque  

Neves 7  

New Delhi Belly  

Newington Butts

Guts (stomach) My newingtons are giving me some gyp today. Newington Butts is in an area of London (SE1?)

commonly known as The Elephant and Castle

Niagara Falls Balls (testicles)

I got him in his niagara's

Niffty 50  

Nifty n Frifty Shifty  

Nightboat to Cairo

Giro  

Nix 86  

Nix/Nixies Nothing  

No Surrenders Suspenders  

Noah's Ark Park I'm taking my misses to the Noah.

Noah's Ark Shark  

Noah's Ark Lark  

Nobby Stiles Piles (hemorrhoids)

Me nobbies are acting up again .Nobby Stiles was a great footballer from years gone by

Norman Watts Pots  

North and South

Mouth I gave him a punch up the north.

Nose and Chin Gin I'll have a drop of nose and chin

Nuclear Sub Pub I'll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o'clock

Nuns 'n Habits Rabbits  

Nuremberg Trials

Piles Me Nuremberg's are really playing me up

 O

Ocean Mate  

Ocean Going Squid

Quid  

Ocean Pearl Girl  

Oily Rag Fag (cigarette) Give us an oily.

Okey Doke Poke  

Old Bill Police  

Old Pot And Pan

Husband  

Oliver Twist Fist Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.

Oliver Twist Pissed (drunk) I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered. See also 'Fist' and 'Brahms

& Liszt'

Omar Sharif Grief  

on the floor Poor  

Once a Week Cheek  

One and t'other Brother ere's me one and t'other now.

One and two's Shoes Where's me one 'n two's?

One Time Looker

Hooker  

Ones and Twos Shoes  

Ooh Aah Stella Artois (beer)

I'll have an ooh aah

Orange Peel Feel I fancy an orange of her Bristols!

Orchestra Stalls

Balls (testicles)

He nearly got hit in the orchestra

Oxford Scholar Dollar Stupid horse cost me an Oxford. Pre-war the dollar was worth just less than 5 shillings, so an Oxford is worth 5 shillings or a crown

Oxo cube Tube (underground)

 

 P

Pam Shriver Fiver  

Pants and Vest Chest This cough is killing me pants and vest

Paper Hat Prat  

Paraffin Lamp Tramp (hobo) I gave me last apple to that old paraffin

Pat and Mick Sick  

Pat Cash Slash  

Pat Malone Alone I'm all pat tonight.

Paul Cousins Baker's dozens  

Paul McKenna Tenner (�10) I'm don to me last Paul McKenna . Paul McKenna is a famous hypnotist

Paul Weller Stella (beer) Give us a Paul Weller - Paul Weller is (or was) a musician with The Jam. Stella refers to Stella Artois

Pea shooter Hooter (nose)  

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Belly  

Pear Halved Starved "Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I'm a bit pear."

Pearly Queen Seen  

Peas in a Pot Hot Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.

Peckham Rye Tie I'm putting on me best whistle and me new peckham.

Peddle and Crank

Wank (masturbate)

I'm off for a peddle!

Pen and Ink Stink That's a bit of a pen and ink.

Perpetual Loser

Boozer  

Persian Rugs Drugs 'ere mate. Got any Persians?

Pete Tong Wrong It's all gone a bit Pete .Pete Tong is an English DJ

Peter Pan Tan  

Peter Powell Towel  

Petrol Tanks Yanks  

Philharmonic Gin and Tonic  

Picadilly Chilly  

Piccadilly Silly I've always said he was piccadilly

Pie and Apple Chunk

Drunk  

Pie and Liquor Vicar  

Pie and Mash Slash (piss) I'm poppin' out for a pie and mash

Pieces of Eight Weight She'd better watch her pieces of eight

Pig's Ear Beer Can I buy you a pig?

Pillar and Post Ghost Looks like he's seen a pillar

Pillar and Post Host Who's the pillar and post for tonight?

Pimple and Botch

Scotch He enjoys a good pimple.

Pineapple Chapel  

Pineapple Chunk

Bunk (bed) I could use a couple of hours in the pineapple

Ping Pong Strong I need a ping pong drink

Pinky and Perky

Turkey  

Pins & Pegs Legs  

Pipe your Eye Cry  

Pitch and Toss Boss My bloody pitch kept me late again.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Peelers (police)

 

Planet of the Apes

Grapes  

Plaster Arse  

Plates and Dishes

Misses  

Plates of Meat Feet Get your plates of the table.

Pleasure and Pain

Rain Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming.

Plimsoll Mark Park  

Plink Plonk (Wine)  

Polo Mint Bint  

Pony 25  

Pony and Trap Crap Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony Or, another usage if something's a bit off (i.e.. not of good quality) - That's a bit pony mate!

Pope in Rome Home Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.

Pope on the rope

Dope  

Porcupine Wine Where's the porc waiter

Pork Chops Pigs (Police)  

Pork Pies Lies Blimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies.

Porridge Knife Life (term) e's doing a stay in the porridge

Posh 'n Becks Sex Had a bit of posh with the missus last night Posh refers to Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) of the Spice Girls while Becks refers to David Beckham, the famous footballer she married. Another example of Rhyming Slang evolving to reflect the times. See also Decks -> Posh 'n Becks

Posh 'n Becks Decks (turntables)

Have you got yer posh 'n becks yet, see Sex -> Posh 'n Becks

Pot and Pan Old Man (Father)

I was talking to me old pot just yesterday.

Pot and Pan Old man (husband)

 

Pot of Glue Clue  

Potatoes in the mould

Cold Cor, taters out there init?

Prairie Hat Prat  

Present and Past

Last  

Prison Time Bird (Lime)  

Profit & Loss Boss  

 Q

Quaker Oat Coat  

Queen mum Bum  

Queen's Park Ranger

Stranger Who's that Queen's Park Ranger standing over there?

Quid Pounds (currency)

 

 R

Rabbit and Pork

Talk He's always rabbitting on about something.

Radio Rental Mental He's a bit radio

Rainbow Trout Kraut (German)

Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night!

Randolph Scott Spot (acne) I've got a great big randolph on my chin

Raspberry Ripple

Nipple Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts!

Raspberry Ripple

Cripple The old boy's a raspberry

Raspberry Tart Fart He blew a raspberry.

Rats and Mice Dice  

Ravi Shankar Wanker That referee is a right Ravi

Razor Blazer  

Read and Write Fight He'd rather read than walk away.

Red sock Dock  

Reels of Cotton Rotten  

Reg Grundies Undies  

Reg Varney Pakistani Martin's new bird's a Reg .Reg played Stan Butler on 'On the Buses', one of the 1970's BritComs

Rex Mossop Gossip What's the latest Rex, love? Rex is an Aussie sports commentator

Rhythm and Blues

Shoes Get your rhythm and blues on

Richard the Third

Bird Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!

Richard the Third

Turd (shit) He's a bit of a Richard.

Rick Whitter Shitter (toilet or rectum)

Back in a sec - I'm off to the rick. Rick Whitter is a singer in the group Shed7

Ricki Lake Fake  

Riff Raff Café (pronounced caff)

I'm off to the riff raff

Rifle Range Change  

Rink-a-dink Chink (Chinese)

We're going to get rinky take-away.

Rio Grande 1000  

Roast Pork Fork  

Roath 4  

Rob Roy Boy  

Robin Hood Good That sounds like it's robin

Rock and Roll Dole (welfare) e hasn't worked a day in 'is life... 'e's always been on the rock and roll.

Rockford Files Piles (hemorrhoids)

Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip! Jim Rockford was the central character in the TV show The Rockford Files.

Rocking Horse Sauce  

Rodney Marsh Harsh  

Roger Moore Door  

Roger Moore Whore  

Roger Nellie Telly  

Roland Joffe Coffee  

Roller Coaster Toaster  

Ronald Riches Bitches  

Ronnie & Reggie (Kray)

Veggie  

Ronnie Barker Marker (pen)  

Roof Rack Back  

Rory O'Moore Door  

Rory O'Moore Floor  

Rosy Lea Tea I've just put the rosy on.

Rouf Cinque 45  

Round the Houses

Trousers e's got hisself a new set of round the houses

Roy Hudd's Spuds  

Rub a Dub Sub (pay advance)

Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day.

Rub-a-dub-dub Pub I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub.

Rubber bands Hands  

Rubber Dub Sub  

Rubber Duck Cook  

Rubber Glove Love  

Rubric's Cube Pube (pubic hair)

When your having a shower make sure you wash your rubric's

Ruby Murray Curry I'm going for a ruby. Ruby Murray was a singer in Glasgow back in the 30's or 40's - thanks to Peter Cotterell for the Ruby Murray info. N. Matthews tells me that Ruby was an Irish singer (1935-1996) popular in the mid to late 1950's. Got a note from Sandy Everitt who knew Ruby Murray 6 Ruby was a top recording star in the 1950's who achieved the rare feat of having five songs in the top 20 at one time. Ruby died in 1996

Rum and Coke Joke  

Runner Beans Jeans  

Ruof 4  

Russell Harty Party I've phoned for a sherbert to take us to the Russell - Russell Harty is a TV host

Rusty Nail Jail  

 S

Salmon and Trout

Snout (cigarette)

Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out.If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it. Martin McKerrell has written that Snout comes from

snout rag meaning handkerchief (I'm thinking snot rag - JA) so Snout Rag = Fag = cigarrette. Also, Richard Beveridge has suggested that the term snout comes from prison life when the prisoners, who would take their daily exercise in silence, would signal a tobacco supplier that he needed cigarettes by touching his nose.- See "ins and outs"

Salmon and Trout

Snout (cigarette)

Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. If you know where the expression 'snout' for cigarette comes from I'd like to include it

Salvador Dali Drink  

San Moritz Shit's  

Sandshoe Thank-you  

Sans Fairy Ann I don't mind  

Santa's Grotto Blotto (drunk)  

Saucepan Handle

Candle  

Saucepan Lids Kids I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids

Sausage and Mash

Cash I haven't got a sausage. A little bit different, but fairly common in many English speaking countries

Sausage and Mash

Crash He was in a fearsome sausage.

Sausage Roll Dole (welfare) He ain't worked in years - he's on the sausage.

Sausage Roll Goal  

Scapa Flow Go Scapa off! Actually pronounce 'Scarper' - just one example of not being satisfied with the slang, they then mispronounce the word to thoroughly confuse everyone

Schindlers List Pissed (drunk) I'm a bit schindlers after a too many forsythes

Scooby-Doo Clue I haven't got a scooby

Scooby-Doo Subaru Let's have a go in ya scooby-doo

Score 20  

Scotch Mist Pissed (drunk) e was completely scotch mist last night.

Scotch Pegs Legs Sit down and take a load off your pegs. For whatever reason, the common usage is the rhyming word rather than the first

Scott Gibbs Fibs (lies) He's been telling scotts again. Scott Gibbs is a rugby star

Scott Mills Pills  

Scratch yer head (Scratcher)

Bed  

Screaming Alice

Crystal Palace  

Screw Prison Officer  

Scuffers Police  

Sebastion Coe Toe  

Septic Tank Yank He's not very bright... septic, you know.

Sexton Blake Fake He wears a Cartier but it's a sexton See also 'Sexton Blake->cake'

Sexton Blake Cake ow about a nice slice of sexton? Possible that Sexton Blake was a detective in comic book stories (?)

Shake and Shiver

River He jumped right into the shake

Shannon Tweed

Weed  

Shaun Ryder Cider  

Shawshank Redemption

Pension  

Sherbet Dab Cab (taxi) e's been on the sherbert for five years (driving a cab).

Sherman Tank Wank (masturbate)

e's a right sherman

Sherman Tank Yank  

Shit Brace and Bit Just off or a brace

Shoe Scooby Doo Where are me Scooby's?

Shovel and Pick

Nick (prison) He's spending a bit of time in the shovel.

Sieg Heils Piles (hemorrhoids)

I'll stand if you don't mind - me sieg heils are acting up today.

Sigorney Weaver

Beaver  

Simon Said Dead  

Sinbad the Sailor

Tailor  

Single Fish Pish  

Skin and Blister

Sister She may be his blister but she's nothing like him.

Sky Diver Fiver  

Sky Rocket Pocket I've got nothing in my skies.

Slay 'em in the aisles

Piles (hemorrhoids)

Me slay 'ems are playing me up.

Slits in a Dress Mess  

Snake's hiss Piss  

Snout Cigarette  

Snout Informant  

Snow and Slush

Flush  

Sock and Blister

Sister  

Soldiers Bold Cold  

Son 'n Daughter'd

Slaughtered  

Sorry and Sad Bad That dinner was a bit sorry.

Soup and Gravy

Navy  

Sovs Pounds (currency)

 

Spanish Archer Elbow  

Spark and Smoulder

Shoulder  

Spotted Dick Sick We don't have a goalie 6 John's spotted .Spotted Dick is a dessert make with raisins

Sprarsy Anna Tanner (sixpence)

Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags (cigarettes)

St. Martins-Le-Grand

Hand I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago

Stammer and Stutter

Butter Extra stammer for me.

Stand at Ease Cheese Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. For whatever reason this one is backwards - the only rule is that there are no rules!

Steak & kidney Sydney  

Steam Tug Mug (fool)  

Steffi Graf Laugh  

Steffi Graf Bath I'm just going for a steffi

Steffi Graf Laugh You're having a Steffi

Stench Dame Judy (Dench)

 

Steve Claridge Garage I've just gotta go down the Steve for some petrol . It helps if you realize that garage, which commonly rhymes with mirage in North America, more usually rhymes with carriage in Britain. A great Tony Hancock piece has him trying to act all condescending and pronouncing it the American way, confusing the ears off a local constable. Steve Claridge is a venerable striker, late of Leicester.

Steve McGarret

50  

Steve McQueens

Jean's Me new steves are a bit tight

Stevey Bould Cold  

Stevie Cinema  

Sticky Toffee Coffee  

Stinging nettle Kettle  

Stoke on Trent Bent (criminal) e's stoke he is

Stoke on Trent Bent (homosexual)

That bloke's a bit stoke See also 'Bent (criminal)'

Strange'n'Weird

Beard  

Strawberry Rhone

Phone  

Strawberry Split

Git (twit) That bloke's a right strawberry

Strawberry Tart

Heart  

Suez Canal Flannel  

Sugar Candy Handy  

Supersonic Tonic How about a nice Vera and super (Gin & Tonic)

Supersonic Gin and Tonic  

Swanee River Liver We're having swanee for dinner again?

Sweaty Sock Jock (Scot) There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat...

Sweaty Sock Scot  

Sweeney Todd Flying Squad Here comes the Sweeney [the Flying Squad are the police]

Sydney Kidney  

Syrup of Figs Wig What a syrup.

 T

T and H 8  

Talk and Mutter

Butter Would you like some talk on your toast

Taters in the Mould

Cold  

Tea Caddy Paddy Did you know Kevin is a tea caddy?

Tea Leaf Thief He's always been a bit of a tea leaf. [Usually the fully slang expression is used]

Tea Leafing Thieving  

Teapot Lid Quid I'm down a teapot already.

Teapot Lids Kids I'm taking my little teapot to country.

Ted Ray Gay (homosexual)

He's a bit Ted. Ted Ray was an actor/comedian in the sixties. This association actually comes from a particularly bad movie "My Wife's Family" where he played a character called Jack Gay.

Telecom Tower

Shower  

Ten Furlongs (Mile and a quarter)

Water I'll have a gold watch and ten

Ten Speed Gears

Ears Look at the size of 'is ten speeds

Tennis Racquet Jacket I bought a new tennis racquet

Terry Waite Late You're a bit Terry Waite

Texas Ranger Stranger This pub is full of Texas Rangers these days

There you are Bar  

Thirteen Amp Tramp (hobo) Look at that bunch of thirteen amps over there. thirteen amps is the standard electrical receptacle in Britain

This and That Cat  

Three Card Trick

Dick (penis) She couldn't keep her jazz bands off my three card trick

Three Wheel Trike

Dyke (Lesbian)

She's a bit of a three wheeler

Thr'penny Bit Tits (breasts) Look at the Thr'penny's on her.

Thumb and Pinky

Chinky  

tic tac Sack  

Tick Tock  

Tick-Tock Clock  

Tiddley Wink Drink Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.

Tilbury Docks Socks  

Tile Hairstyle  

Tin Bath Laugh  

Tin Flute Suit I'll be wearing me tin flute

Tin Lids Kids I can't put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids.

Tin Tack Sack (fired) He got the tin tack the other day.

Tin Tank Bank  

Tit for Tat Hat Lovely titfer.

Tit Willow Pillow  

Toblerone On My Own He's over there on his toblerone.

Toby Ale Rail 'e's traveling by toby.

Toby Jug Mug (chump) I'm tired of people taking me for a toby

Todd Sloan Alone Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight.

Todd Sloane On your own  

Toe Rag Slag (prostitute)

She's a right toe rag.

Toe-Rag Fag (cigarette) Lend us a sprarsy - I wanna get some toe-rags. Toe-rags refer to the rags people used to wrap around their feet when they didn't have shoes... we used to call our socks toe-rags which is probably the same origin. He also says his old dad used to call some people a toe-rag and suspects it might have been an insult (reference to fag = queer). Toe rag couls also refer to a

small time petty thief, in his words "the sort of dirty little toe rag who would live next door and break into your house and nick the Christmas presents", "term is commonly used, at least in Scotland, meaning just a bit stronger than "rascal" and probably spelled without the e: 'You little torag.' I always thought it did come from terms used to refer to travelling people.

Tom and Dick Sick He's feeling a bit Tom.

Tom and Jerry Merry E's a tommy bloke.

Tom Foolery Jewellery That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom.

Tom Jones Bones Ooh, me toms are clicking.

Tom Mix 6  

Tom Tank Wank  

Tom Thumb Rum A wee bit of Tom and I'm off.

Tom Tit Shit I'm going for a Tom Tit.

Tom, Dick and Harry

Dictionary I'll just check the meaning in the tom.

Tommy Tank Bank I'm going 'round the tommy to pay in a gooses.

Tommy Tank Wank (masturbate)

She's probably at home doing a tommy.

Tommy Tucker Supper You can sing for your Tommy.

Ton 100  

Tonic Philharmonic I'll have a Vera and Phil (gin and tonic).

Tony Blair Hair  

Tony Slattery Battery  

Top Hat Chat  

Town Halls Balls  

Tramp on a bench

Wench  

Trap One Toilet  

Treacle Tart  

Tree trunk Skunk  

Trombone Phone  

Trouble and Strife

Wife I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.

Tufnell Park Lark (fun) Always one for a tufnell.

Tumble down the sink

Drink  

Turkish Bath Laugh He's havin' a turkish.

Turkish Delight

Shite  

Turtle Dove Love All right me old turtle.

Turtle Dove's Gloves Where's me turtle dove's.

Twist and Shouts

Sprouts I love bubble and squeak made with Twist and Shouts.

Twist and Twirl

Girl She looks like a nice twist.

Two and Eight State (anguish) He's in a two and eight over it.

Two Bob Bit Shit  

Two Fat Ladies 88  

Two Little Ducks

22  

Two-Bob Bits Shits (diarrhoea)

I've got a real case of the two-bob bits.

 U

Uncle Bert Shirt I've got to press my uncle.

Uncle Billy Chilly  

Uncle Bob Knob 'e's a bit proud of his Uncle Bob.

Uncle Dick Sick I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick.

Uncle Fred Bread Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?

Uncle Fred Dead  

Uncle Ned Head  

Uncle Reg Veg  

Uncle Sam Ham  

Uncle Ted Bed I'm off to Uncle Ted.

Uncle Toms Bombs  

Uncle Willy Silly  

 V

Valerie Singleton

1  

Van Gogh Ear Left Here  

Vera Lynn Skin (cigarette paper)

Got any vera's?

Vera Lynn Gin I'll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad.

Vincent Price Ice  

Vindaloo Clue He hasn't got a bloody vinda.

Vodka and Tonic

VAT (value added tax)

 

Von Trappe Crap  

 W

Wallace and Gromit

Vomit One more pint and I'll Wallace, mate.

Wally Grout Shout (round) It's your wally, mate (ie. It's your turn to buy a round of drinks). Wally Grout was an Australian cricketer who died in 1968.

Wally's Scarf Laugh He's having a wally.

Walter Mitty Titty (breast) She's got a lovely set of walters.

Watford Gap Slap I'm gonna give you a Watford 'round yer chevy.

Weakest Link Drink  

Weasel and Stoat

Coat I left my weasel in the pub.

Weavers' Chair Prayer Haven't got a weaver's of getting into her alans. A weaver's chair has a low profile back allowing free movement of the arms.

Website Sight Get out of me website.

Weeping Willow

Pillow ere. Get yer head off my weeping willow.

West End Thespian

Lesbian She's a lovely girl but she is west end, you know.

West Ham Reserves

Nerves e's got a bad case of the West Ham's.

Westminster Abbey

Shabby He's turned out a bit westminster today.

Weston-Super-Mare

Nightmare Went for an interview yesterday - it was a total Weston-Super. Weston Super Mare is the main coastal resort of North Somerset.

Wheeltappers and Shunters

Punters  

Whiskey and Soda

Voda (mobile phone)

 

Whiskey Malt Fault  

Whistle and Flute

Suit He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.

White Mice Ice  

Widow Twanky

Hanky  

Wilson Picket Ticket I want to go to New York, but I can't afford the wilsons.

Wind and Kite Web Site Check out me wind and kite.

Windjammer Hammer  

Winona Ryder Cider Can I get two pints of winona please.

Wobbly Jelly Telly  

Wooden Plank Yank Then this wooden bloke walked in.

Wooly Hat and Scarf

Laugh  

Wyatt Earp Burp  

 Y

Yabba-Dabba-Doo

Shoes Nice pair of yabba's mate. For them what don't have a classical education, "Yabba-Dabba-Doo" was the catch phrase of Fred Flintstone.

You and Me Tea Fancy a cup of you and me?

You Must Crust  

You're having a Giraffe

Laugh  

Yuri Geller Stella  

 Z

Zig and Zag Shag  

FREELANG: English-Cockney

This dictionary was made by Bertrand Girardi.

Cockney-English (click)  

English-Cockney (below)

ENGLISH COCKNEY

1 Valerie Singleton

2 Bottle of Glue

3 Carpet

4 Roath

4 Ruof

5 Ching

6 Dorothy Dicks

6 Tom Mix

7 Neves

8 Garden Gate

8 T and H

9 Calvin Klein

9 Nervo

10 Chicken & Hen

10 Dirty Den

11 Legs

20 Score

22 Two Little Ducks

25 Pony

26 Bed and Breakfast

33 Feathers

40 Basil Fawlty

45 Rouf Cinque

50 Niffty

50 Steve McGarret

86 Nix

88 Two Fat Ladies

99 Nena

100 Century

100 Day's Work

100 Ton

500 Monkey

1000 Grand

1000 Long Un

1000 Rio Grande

2000 Archer

1000000 Bar

1 Shilling (5 pence) Bob

2:2 (lower second class degree) Desmond Tutu

4 Door Saloon Ken Boon

All Dayer (all day drinking session) Leo Sayer

All Dayer (all day drinking) Gary Player

Alone Jack Jones

Alone Jack Jones

Alone Pat Malone

Alone Todd Sloan

Are you sure? Are you George?

Arm Chalk Farm

Army Daft and Barmy

Army Kate Karney

Arse April in Paris

Arse Aris

Arse Bottle and Glass

Arse Khyber Pass

Arse Plaster

Arsehole Elephant and Castle

Arsehole Jam Roll

Arsehole Merry Old Soul

Aunt Mrs Chant

Aunt Mrs. Chant

Baby Basin of Gravy

Back Cadbury's (snack)

Back Cilla Black

Back Hammer and Tack

Back Hat Rack

Back Hay Stack

Back Jumping Jack

Back Roof Rack

Bad Sorry and Sad

Baker's dozens Paul Cousins

Balls Berlin Walls

Balls Town Halls

Balls (testicles) Cobbler's Awls

Balls (testicles) Niagara Falls

Balls (testicles) Orchestra Stalls

Balti Basil Fawlty

Banana Gertie Gitana

Bank Cab Rank

Bank Ham Shank

Bank Iron Tank

Bank Tin Tank

Bank Tommy Tank

Bar Bazaar

Bar There you are

Bar (pub) Jack Tar

Bar (pub) Near and Far

Barber Dover Harbour

Barrow Bow and Arrow

Barrow Cock Sparrow

Bath Steffi Graf

Battery Tony Slattery

Beard Strange'n'Weird

Beaver Sigorney Weaver

Bed Born and Bred

Bed Scratch yer head (Scratcher)

Bed Uncle Ted

Beef Itchy Teeth

Beer Pig's Ear

Beers Brittney Spears

Beginner Lilley & Skinner

Believe Adam and Eve

Bell Hair Gel

Belly Auntie Nellie

Belly Derby Kelly

Belly New Delhi

Belly Peanut Butter and Jelly

Bender (homosexual) Leo Fender

Bent (criminal) Stoke on Trent

Bent (homosexual) Stoke on Trent

Best Mae West

Bet House to Let

Beverage Edna Everage

Biggun (big one) Barry Mcguigan

Bigot Lester Piggot

Bike Dick Van Dyke

Bill (statement) Beecham's Pill

Bill (statement) Jack and Jill

Bill (statement) Jimmy Hill

Bint Polo Mint

Bird Richard the Third

Bird (Lime) Prison Time

Bitches Ronald Riches

Bitter Habitual Knitter

Bitter (beer) Apple Fritter

Bitter (beer) Gary Glitter

Bitter (beer) Giggle and Titter

Bitter (Beer) Laugh and Titter

Blazer Razor

Blind Bacon Rind

Bloke Heap of Coke

Blood Claret (red wine)

Blotto (drunk) Santa's Grotto

Blowy (Windy) David Bowie

Boat Nanny Goat

Bog Kermit the Frog

Bog (Toilet) Cat and Dog

Boil Can of Oil

Boil Conan Doyle

Bollocks Flowers and Frolics

Bollocks Jackson Pollock

Bombs Uncle Toms

Bones Tom Jones

Book Captain Hook

Book Fish Hook

Book Joe Hook

Bookies Cream cookies

Boots Daisy Roots

Boozer All Time Loser

Boozer Perpetual Loser

Boozer (liquor store) Battle Cruiser

Bore Front Door

Boss Dead Loss

Boss Joe Goss

Boss Pitch and Toss

Boss Profit & Loss

Bottle Aristotle

Bottle Jerry Cottle

Box nervo and Knox

Boy Rob Roy

Bra Master McGrath

Brace and Bit Shit

Braces Airs and Graces

Braces Ascot Races

Brains Down the Drains

Brakes Francis Drakes

Brandy Fine and Dandy

Brandy Jack the Dandy

Brassiere Bristol Pistol

Bread Uncle Fred

Breast East West

Breasts Georgie Bests

Breath King's Death

Bride Fat and Wide

Broke Coals and Coke

Broke (financial) Hearts of Oak

Brother Manhole Cover

Brother One and t'other

Brussells (sprouts) Cockle and Mussells

Bucket Mrs Duckett

Bullshitter Little Critter

Bum Deaf and Dumb

Bum Kingdom Come

Bum Queen mum

Bunk (bed) Pineapple Chunk

Burp Wyatt Earp

Burst (urinate) Geoff Hurst

Business Bee's Knees

Butter Johnny Mutter

Butter Mutter and Stutter

Butter Stammer and Stutter

Butter Talk and Mutter

Cab Bob McNab

Cab (taxi) Sherbet Dab

Cafe Colonel Gadaffi

Café (pronounced caff) Riff Raff

Cake Sexton Blake

Candle Harry Randall

Candle Saucepan Handle

Cans (headphones) Desperate Dans

Car Jam Jar

Car Kareem Abdul Jabbar

Car (flash one) Danny Marr

Card bladder of lard

Cardy (cardigan) Linda Lusardi

Cash Arthur Ashe

Cash Bangers and Mash

Cash Crosby, Stills, Nash

Cash Dot and Dash

Cash Harry Bash

Cash Harry Nash

Cash Sausage and Mash

Cat This and That

Cell Flowery Dell

Chair Here and there

Chair Lion's Lair

Chalk Duke of York

Chancer (someone not qualified) Bengal Lancer

Change Rifle Range

Chapel Pineapple

Charlie (cocaine) Boutrous Gali

Chat Bowler Hat

Chat Natter

Chat Top Hat

Cheap Meryl Streep

Cheek Hide and Seek

Cheek Once a Week

Cheese Bended Knees

Cheese Evening Breeze

Cheese John Cleese

Cheese Stand at Ease

Cheque Duchess of Teck

Cheque Goose's Neck

Cheque Gregory Peck

Cheque Kite

Cheque Nervous Wreck

Chest Bird's Nest

Chest George Best

Chest Pants and Vest

Chicken Charlie Dicken

Chilly Picadilly

Chilly Uncle Billy

Chin Biscuit Tin

Chin Errol Flynn

Chin Harry Lin

Chink (Chinese) Rink-a-dink

Chinky Thumb and Pinky

Chips Hairy Nips

Chips Jockey Whips

Chopper (Penis) Gobstopper

Chum Fruit Gum

Church Left in the Lurch

Cider Deep sea glider

Cider Easy Rider

Cider Shaun Ryder

Cider Winona Ryder

Cigar Lar-dee-dar

Cigarette Snout

Cinema Stevie

Clanger (mistake) Coat Hanger

Class Bottle and Glass

Clean Billie Jean

Clink (jail) Kitchen Sink

Clock Dickory Dock

Clock Tick-Tock

Clown Charlie Brown

Clue Danny La Rue

Clue Danny LaRue

Clue Pot of Glue

Clue Scooby-Doo

Clue Vindaloo

Coat Nanny Goat

Coat Quaker Oat

Coat Weasel and Stoat

Cockney Rhyming Slang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Coffee Everton Toffee

Coffee Roland Joffe

Coffee Sticky Toffee

Cold Boris the Bold

Cold Cheltenham Bold

Cold Potatoes in the mould

Cold Soldiers Bold

Cold Stevey Bould

Cold Taters in the Mould

Conk (Nose) Glass of Plonk

Cook Babbling Brook

Cook Rubber Duck

Cool Harry Kewell

Copper (Police Officer) Bottle and Stopper

Copper (police) Grasshopper

Coppers (police) Bottles and Stoppers

Cops Cozzer's

Cops Gathers

Cork Duke Of York

Corner Jimmy Orner

Corner Johnnie Horner

Corner Johnny Horner

Cough Boris Karloff

Cough Darren Gough

Cousin Baker's Dozen

Coward Frankie Howard

Crap Jamie Redknapp

Crap Macca

Crap Pony and Trap

Crap Von Trappe

Crash Sausage and Mash

cream freezer Ice

Crime Lemon Lime

Cripple Raspberry Ripple

Crook Babbling Brook

Crook Joe Rook

Crown Lousy Brown

Crust You Must

Cry Drip Dry

Cry Pipe your Eye

Crystal Palace Screaming Alice

Cunt (Fool) Charlie Hunt

Cupboard Mother Hubbard

Curry Bill Murray

Curry Ruby Murray

Customs & Excise Church Boys

Daft Fore and Aft

Dame Judy (Dench) Stench

Dance Jack Palance

Dance Kick and Prance

Darlin' Briney Marlin

Daughter Bottle of porter

Daughter Bricks and Mortar

Dead Brown Bread

Dead Father Ted

Dead Simon Said

Dead Uncle Fred

Deaf Mutt and Jeff

Deal Ian Beale

Decks (turntables) Posh �n Becks

Dice Rats and Mice

Dick (penis) Three Card Trick

Dictionary Tom, Dick and Harry

Diet Brixton Riot

Dinner Jim Skinner

Dinner John Skinner

Dinner Lilley and Skinner

Dinner Lilly and Skinner

Dinner Michael Winner

Dock Red sock

Doddle (easy or straight forward) Glenn Hoddle

Dog Cherry Hogg

Dole (welfare) Ear�ole (Ear Hole)

Dole (welfare) Nat King Cole

Dole (welfare) Rock and Roll

Dole (welfare) Sausage Roll

Dollar Oxford Scholar

Door George Bernard Shaw

Door Henry Moore

Door Roger Moore

Door Rory O'Moore

Dope Pope on the rope

Dope (marijuana) Bob Hope

Dose Half a Gross

Dozen Monkey's cousin

Dozen country cousin

Draft George Raft

Drink Kitchen Sink

Drink Salvador Dali

Drink Tiddley Wink

Drink Tumble down the sink

Drink Weakest Link

Dripping Doctor Crippen

Drugs Persian Rugs

Drunk Elephant's Trunk

Drunk Pie and Apple Chunk

Dump Foot pump

Dump (shit) Camel's Hump

Dump (shit) Donald Trump

Dump (shit) Forrest Gump

Dumps Gravy lumps

Dyke (Lesbian) Magnus Pike

Dyke (Lesbian) Three Wheel Trike

Ear King Lear

Early Liz Hurley

Ears Donald Peers

Ears Lords and Peers

Ears Ten Speed Gears

Easy Bright and Breezy

Easy Ham and Cheesy

Easy Lemon Squeesy

Egg Clothes Peg

Eighth Henry

Elbow Spanish Archer

Engineer Ginger Beer

Erection General Election

Evening Post Beans on Toast

Evens (betting) Major Stevens

Exam Green eggs and ham

Eyes Mince Pies

F**k Donald Duck

Face Boat Race

Face Chevy Chase

Face Drum and Bass

Faces Airs and Graces

Facts Brass Tacks

Fag (cigarette) Cough and Drag

Fag (cigarette) Harry Rag

Fag (cigarette) Harry Wragg

Fag (cigarette) Melvynn Bragg

Fag (cigarette) Oily Rag

Fag (cigarette) Toe-Rag

Fairy Julian Clary

Fairy (Gay) Canary

Fake Ricki Lake

Fake Sexton Blake

Fan Frying Pan

Fanny Auntie Annie

Fanny Jack and Danny

Fanny Jack 'n' Danny

Farmer (see usage) Arnold Palmer

Farrahs (trousers) Bow and Arrows

Fart Apple Tart

Fart D'Oyly Carte

Fart Horse and Cart

Fart Lionel Bart

Fart Raspberry Tart

Farting George Martin

Fault Whiskey Malt

Favour Cheesy Quaver

Fax Nails and Tacks

Feel Orange Peel

Feet Plates of Meat

Fibs (lies) Scott Gibbs

Fight Read and Write

Fine Calvin Klein

Fingers Longers and Lingers

Fire Jeremiah

Fire Anna Maria

Fish Lilian Gish

Fist Oliver Twist

Five Jacks alive

Fiver Deep Sea Diver

Fiver Pam Shriver

Fiver Sky Diver

Fiver (5 pound note) Lady Godiva

Flannel Suez Canal

Flares (wide bottom trousers) Lionel Blaire

Flash Lemon Dash

Flash (natty) Harry Dash

Floor Rory O'Moore

Flower Early Hour

Flowers April Showers

Flush Snow and Slush

Flying Squad Sweeney Todd

Football Pools April Fools

Fork Duke of York

Fork Roast Pork

Four of a Kind Cheese rind

Garage Steve Claridge

Gargle (drunk) Arthur Scargill

Gas Bottle of bass

Gay Bale of Hay

Gay (homosexual) Doctor Dre

Gay (homosexual) Finlay Quaye

Gay (homosexual) Ted Ray

Geezer Fridge Freezer

Geezer Ice Cream Freezer

Geezer Julius Caesar

Geezer Lemon Squeezer

Ghost Pillar and Post

Giggles Flight Lieutenant Biggles

Gin Mother's Ruin

Gin Needle and Pin

Gin Nose and Chin

Gin Vera Lynn

Gin and Tonic Philharmonic

Gin and Tonic Supersonic

Girl L-Rig

Girl Mother of Pearl

Girl Ocean Pearl

Girl Twist and Twirl

Girl Guide Blushing Bride

Girlfriend Lemon Curd

Giro Nightboat to Cairo

Git (twit) Strawberry Split

Gloves Turtle Dove's

Go Scapa Flow

Goal Sausage Roll

Gob (mouth) Gang and Mob

Good Robin Hood

Gossip Rex Mossop

Grand Bag of Sand

Grapes Planet of the Apes

Grass Ernie Marsh

Grass (Informant) Duck's Arse

Gravy Army and Navy

Greek Bubble and Squeak

Gregory Peck Cheque

Grief Omar Sharif

Gut King Tut

Guts Comic Cuts

Guts (stomach) Newington Butts

Gutter Bread and Butter

Gym Fatboy Slim

Haddock Fanny Craddock

Hair Barnet Fair

Hair Biffo the Bear

Hair Bonney Fair

Hair Fanny Blair

Hair Fred Astaire

Hair Tony Blair

Haircut Chicker

Hairstyle Tile

Half (a pint) Cow and Calf

Ham Uncle Sam

Hammer Windjammer

Hand Ivory Band

Hand St. Martins-Le-Grand

Hands German Bands

Hands Jazz Bands

Hands Rubber bands

Handy Jack an' Dandy

Handy Sugar Candy

Hanky Widow Twanky

Harsh Rodney Marsh

Hat Tit for Tat

Head Blood Red

Head Crust of Bread

Head Loaf of Bread

Head Uncle Ned

Heart Horse and Cart

Heart Jam Tart

Heart Strawberry Tart

Hell Ding Dong Bell

Hell Gypsy Nell

Hell Jimmy Nail

hemorrhoid Clement Freud

Hemorrhoids Emma Freuds

Hill Jack and Jill

Hole Drum Roll

Home Gates of Rome

Home Pope in Rome

Hooker One Time Looker

Hooter (nose) Pea shooter

Horse Bottle of Sauce

Horse Charing Cross

Host Pillar and Post

Hot Auntie Dot

Hot Peas in a Pot

House Cat and Mouse

House Mickey Mouse

Husband Old Pot And Pan

I don't mind Sans Fairy Ann

Ice Anneka Rice

Ice Vincent Price

Ice White Mice

Ill Jimmy Hill

Informant Snout

Jacket Desmond Hackett

Jacket Tennis Racquet

Jail Bucket and Pail

Jail Ginger Ale

Jail Rusty Nail

Jaw jackdaw

Jean�s Steve McQueens

Jeans Dixie Deans

Jeans Milton Keynes

Jeans Runner Beans

Jesus Christ Cheese and Rice

Jew Five to Two

Jew Four by Two

Jewellery Tom Foolery

Job Corn on the Cob

Job Dog's Knob

Jock (Scot) Sweaty Sock

Joke Egg Yolk

Joke Rum and Coke

Joke Bushey Park

Judge Barnaby Rudge

Judge Chocolate Fudge

Judge Inky Smudge

Keek Mozambique

Kettle Hansel and Gretel

Kettle Stinging nettle

Key Brenda Lee

Key Jenny Lee

Keys Bruce Lee�s

Keys Dancing Fleas

Keys John Cleese

Keys Knobbly Knees

Kidney Bo Diddley

Kidney Sydney

Kids Dustbin Lids

Kids God Forbids

Kids Saucepan Lids

Kids Teapot Lids

Kids Tin Lids

Kip Jockey's whip

Kipper Jack the Ripper

Kiss hit and miss

Knackered Christmas crackered

Knackered (tired) Cream Crackered

Knackered (tired) Kerry Packer

Knackers (testicles) Jacobs Crackers

Knees Biscuits and Cheese

Knees Chips & Peas

Knickers Alan Whickers

Knife Drum and Fife

Knife and Fork Drummond and Roce

Knob Uncle Bob

Kraut (German) Rainbow Trout

Labour beggar my neighbour

Lager Forsythe Saga

Lager Mick Jagger

Lark Noah's Ark

Lark Bushey Park

Lark (fun) Tufnell Park

Last Present and Past

Late Cilla Black

Late Garden Gate

Late Terry Waite

Later Baked Potato

Later Christian Slater

Later Alligator

Lather How's your father?

Laugh Bobble Hat

Laugh Bubble Bath

Laugh Cows Calf

Laugh Giraffe

Laugh Steffi Graf

Laugh Steffi Graf

Laugh Tin Bath

Laugh Turkish Bath

Laugh Wally's Scarf

Laugh Wooly Hat and Scarf

Laugh You're having a Giraffe

Lavatory Family Tree

Left Here Van Gogh Ear

Leg Mystic Meg

Legs Bacon and Eggs

Legs Ham and Eggs

Legs Mumbley Pegs

Legs Pins & Pegs

Legs Scotch Pegs

Leicester Square Euan Blair

Lesbian West End Thespian

Liar Bob Cryer

Liar Dunlop Tyre

Liar Holy Friar

Lies Pork Pies

Life (term) Porridge Knife

Light Isle of Wight

Lighter Kungfu Fighter

Lights Ian Wrights

Liver Cheerful Giver

Liver Swanee River

Lodger Artful Dodger

Look Butcher's Hook

Look Captain Cook

Loot (money) Fibre of your fabric

Lost It Kate Mossed It

Lot (Serving or share) Hopping Pot

Love Rubber Glove

Love Turtle Dove

Luck Donald Duck

Luck Friar Tuck

Lunch kidney punch

Mad East Ham

Mad Mum and Dad

Magistrate Garden Gate

Mail British Rail

Marge Little and Large

Mark Finsbury Park

Marker (pen) Ronnie Barker

Married Cash and Carried

Match Itch and Scratch

Matches Cuts and Scratches

Mate China Plate

Mate Garden Gate

Mate Ocean

M'Darlin Barney Marlin

Meat Pie Dog's Eye

Meetin' (meeting) Buster Keaton

Mental Radio Rental

Mental (crazy) Chicken Oriental

Merry Tom and Jerry

Mess Elliot Ness

Mess Slits in a Dress

Middle Hey Diddle Diddle

Milk Acker Bilk

Mind Chinese Blind

Minge Edinburgh Fringe

Mini Fat and Skinny

mint Murray

Minute cock linnet

Miss Cuddle and Kiss

Misses Plates and Dishes

Missus Cheese & Kisses

Missus (Mrs) Love and Kisses

Moan Darby and Joan

Money Ackers

Money Bees and Honey

Money Bread and Honey

Money Bugs Bunny

Mormon Jerry O'Gorman

Morning Gipsy's Warning

Motor (car) Haddock and Bloater

Mouth North and South

Mug (chump) Toby Jug

Mug (fool) Steam Tug

Nail monkey's tail

Nark Grass in the Park

Navy Soup and Gravy

Neck Bushel and Peck

Neck Gregory Peck

Nerves West Ham Reserves

Nice Chicken and Rice

Nick (prison) Shovel and Pick

Nightmare Lionel Blaire

Nightmare Weston-Super-Mare

Nipple Raspberry Ripple

Nippy Bungle & Zippy

Nippy (cold) George and Zippy

Noise Box of Toys

Noise Girls and Boys

Nose Bugle

Nose Fireman's Hose

Nose I Suppose

Nose Irish Rose

Nothing Nix/Nixies

Numbers Cucumbers

Nun Current Bun

Nun Hot Cross Bun

Obscene James Dean

Off Frank Bough

Old Man (Father) Pot and Pan

Old man (husband) Pot and Pan

On My Own Toblerone

On your own Todd Sloane

Organ Molly O'Morgan

Out of Order Allan Border

Overcoat I'm Afloat

Own Jack Jones

Paddy Tea Caddy

Pager John Major

Pakistani Bacon Sarnie

Pakistani Reg Varney

Pants Adam Ant

Pants Alans

Paper (newspaper) Linen Draper

Park Light and Dark

Park Noah's Ark

Park Plimsoll Mark

Parking Warden Gay Gordon

Party Gay & Hearty

Party Moriarty

Party Russell Harty

Pawn (as in-pawn) Bullock's Horn

Peas John Cleese

Peas Knobbly Knees

Pee Ken Smee

Pee / Wee Fiddle De Dee

Peelers (police) Pittsburgh Steelers

Peice (lunch) Merlyn Rees

Penny Abergavenny

Pension Shawshank Redemption

Philharmonic Tonic

Phone Dog and Bone

Phone Eau de cologne

Phone Herring bone

Phone Strawberry Rhone

Phone Trombone

Piano Joanna

Pickle Harvey Nichol

Pictures Dolly Mixtures

Piddle (urinate) Jimmy Riddle

Pigs (Police) Pork Chops

Piles Duke of Argyles

Piles metric miles

Piles Michael Miles

Piles Nuremberg Trials

Piles (hemorrhoids) Chalfont St Giles

Piles (hemorrhoids) Farmer Giles

Piles (hemorrhoids) Nobby Stiles

Piles (hemorrhoids) Rockford Files

Piles (hemorrhoids) Sieg Heils

Piles (hemorrhoids) Slay 'em in the aisles

Pill Jimmy Hill

Pill (birth control) Jack and Jill

Pill (Contraceptive) Fanny Hill

Pillow Tit Willow

Pillow Weeping Willow

Pills Benny Hills

Pills Mick Mills

Pills Scott Mills

Pinch (steal) Half Inch

Pinched Half inched

Pipe Cherry Ripe

Pish Lillian Gish

Pish Single Fish

Piss Arthur Bliss

Piss Gypsy's Kiss

Piss Hit and Miss

Piss Snake's hiss

Piss (Make fun of) Mickey Bliss

Piss (Urinate) French Kiss

Pissed Adrian Quist

Pissed (drunk) Brahms and Liszt

Pissed (drunk) Oliver Twist

Pissed (drunk) Schindlers List

Pissed (drunk) Scotch Mist

Pistol Lady from Bristol

Pitch (Stall or Stand) Hedge and Ditch

Planner Elsie Tanner

Please Hairy knees

Plonk (Wine) Plink

Pocket Lucy Locket

Pocket Sky Rocket

Poke Okey Doke

Police Gavvers

Police Old Bill

Police Scuffers

Ponce Charlie Ronce

Ponce Alphonse

Pong (smell) Hum & Song

Pony (25 pound) Macaroni

Poof (homosexual) Iron Hoof

Poor on the floor

Pork Mickey Rourke

Porn Frankie Vaughan

Porn Johnny Vaughn

Pots Norman Watts

Pounds (currency) Quid

Pounds (currency) Sovs

Pox Cardboard Box

Pox Holly Hox

Prat Paper Hat

Prat Prairie Hat

Prawn Frankie Vaughan

Prayer Weavers' Chair

Pregnant Keith (Chegwin)

Prick Hampton Wick

Pride Jekyll and Hyde

Priest Bag of Yeast

Priest Far East

Printer Bernie Winter

Prison Boom and Mizzen

Prison Officer Screw

Pub Nuclear Sub

Pub Rub-a-dub-dub

Pube (pubic hair) Rubric's Cube

Puff (marijuana) Mickey Duff

Punters Billies Bunter

Punters Hillman Hunters

Punters Wheeltappers and Shunters

Quarter Farmer's Daughter

Quarter Glass of Water

Queen (Elizabeth II) Baked Bean

Queer Chelsea Pier

Queer (homosexual) Brighton Pier

Queer (homosexual) King Lear

Queer (odd) Ginger Beer

Queue Bernard Matthew

Quid Bin Lid

Quid Ocean Going Squid

Quid Teapot Lid

Rabbits Nuns 'n Habits

Racing Post Holy Ghost

Rail Toby Ale

Rain Andy Cain

Rain Pleasure and Pain

Rally Manchester Scally

Randy Mahatma Ghandi

Rave (dance) Comedy Dave

Raver Cheese Gratter

Raw Bale of Straw

Readies (cash) Duane Eddies

Readies (pound notes) Nelson Eddy's

Reasons Four Seasons

Reek Ancient Greek

Rent Burton on Trent

Rent Duke of Kent

Ride Charlie Pride

Right Isle of Wight

Ring Highland Fling

Ring on Finger Ling and Linger

River Shake and Shiver

Road Frog and Toad

Road Kermit

Rookie Biscuit and Cookie

Rothmans Dustins Hoffman

Rotten Dot Cotton

Rotten Reels of Cotton

Rough Brian Clough

Row (argument) Barn Owl

Row (argument) Bull and Cow

Rum Finger and Thumb

Rum Tom Thumb

Sack last card in the pack

Sack tic tac

Sack (fired) Tin Tack

Saloon Bar Balloon Car

Sarnie (Sandwich) Georgio Armani

Sauce Dead Horse

Sauce Rocking Horse

Saucer Geoffrey Chaucer

Saw bear's paw

Scar Mars Bar

Scooby Doo Shoe

Score Bobby Moore

Score Hampden Roar

Score (�20) Apple Core

Scot Sweaty Sock

Scotch Pimple and Botch

Scotch (Whisky) Gold Watch

Scouse Mickey Mouse

Scouts Brussel Sprouts

Scram Cheese & Ham

Scran (food) Jackie Chan

Sea Housemaid's Knee

Seen Pearly Queen

Sense Eighteen Pence

Severn Bridge Hotpoint Fridge

Sex Posh �n Becks

Shabby Westminster Abbey

Shag Zig and Zag

Shagged Melvyn Bragged

Shark Noah's Ark

Shave All Night Rave

Shave Chas and Dave

Shave Dig in the Grave

Sheila Four Wheeler

Shifty Nifty n Frifty

Ship 'appeny dip

Shirt Dicky Dirt

Shirt Uncle Bert

Shit Brad Pitt

Shit Eartha Kitt

Shit Gravel and grit

Shit Tom Tit

Shit Two Bob Bit

Shite Ben Cartwright

Shite Turkish Delight

Shite (shit) Barry White

Shit's San Moritz

Shits (diarrhoea) Two-Bob Bits

Shitter Light and bitter

Shitter Mavis Fritter

Shitter (rectum) Council Gritter

Shitter (rectum) Gary Glitter

Shitter (toilet or rectum) Rick Whitter

Shocker Barry Crocker

Shocker Constantino Rocca

Shoe How d'you Do

Shoes Canoes

Shoes Dinky Doos

Shoes One and two's

Shoes Ones and Twos

Shoes Rhythm and Blues

Shoes Yabba-Dabba-Doo

Shop Lollipop

Shoulder Spark and Smoulder

Shout Brussel Sprout

Shout (round) Wally Grout

Shovel Lord Lovel

Shower David Gower

Shower Eiffel Tower

Shower Telecom Tower

Sick Bobby & Dick

Sick Moby Dick

Sick Pat and Mick

Sick Spotted Dick

Sick Tom and Dick

Sick Uncle Dick

Sight Website

Silly Auntie Lily

Silly Daffy Down Dilly

Silly Piccadilly

Silly Uncle Willy

Simple Dolly Dimple

Sister Skin and Blister

Sister Sock and Blister

Six chopsticks

Sixty-six clickety click

Skin (cigarette paper) Vera Lynn

Skint Bernie Flint

Skint Lamb & Mint

Skint Murray-mint

Skint (broke) Borassic Lint

Skive Duck and Dive

Skunk Tree trunk

Slag (prostitute) Toe Rag

Slang (Cockney Rhyming) Matheson Lang

Slap Watford Gap

Slash Charlie Nash

Slash Mark Ramprakash

Slash Pat Cash

Slash (piss) Pie and Mash

Slaughtered Son 'n Daughter'd

Sleep Bo-Peep

Sleep Meryl Streep

Slippers Big Dippers

Slippers Kippers

Smell Aunt Nell

Smile Carpet Pile

Snake Joe Blake

Sneeze Bread and Cheese

Snide Jeckyll and Hyde

Snout (cigarette) Salmon and Trout

Snout (cigarette) Salmon and Trout

Snouts (Cigarettes) Ins and Outs

Soap Band of Hope

Soap Bob Hope

Soap Cape of Good Hope

Soap Faith and Hope

Socks Almond Rocks

Socks Goldie Locks (Goldies)

Socks Tilbury Docks

Son Currant Bun

Son Hot Cross Bun

Song Ding Dong

Sores Dudley Moore's

Soup Loop de Loop

Spanner (wrench) Elsie Tanner

Sparrow Bow and Arrow

Spatula Horace Batchelor

Specs (spectacles) Gregory Peck

Specs [Spectacles) Mikkel Becks

Spine Lager and Lime

Splinter Alan Minter

Spoon Daniel Boone

Spoon David Boon

Spoon Man on the Moon

Spot (acne) Randolph Scott

Spouse Boiler House

Sprouts Twist and Shouts

Spuds Roy Hudd's

Spunk (semen) Harry Monk

Stains Michael Caines

Stairs Apples and Pears

Stairs Daisy Dancers

Stairs Dancing Bears

Star Lah-di-dah

Starved Pear Halved

Starvin' Hank Marvin

Starvin' Lee Marvin

State (anguish) Two and Eight

Steak Joe Blake

Steak Kate

Steak and Kidney Kate and Sydney

Stella Yuri Geller

Stella (Artois) Keith Deller

Stella (beer) Nelson Mandelas

Stella (beer) Paul Weller

Stella Artois (beer) Ooh Aah

Stellas (beers) David Mellors

Stench Dame Judy Dench

Stew Battle of Waterloo

Still Beecham's Pill

Stilsons (Pipe Wrenches) Harold Wilson's

Stink Pen and Ink

Stinkin Abraham Lincoln

Stool April fool

Story Jackanory

Stranger Glasgow Ranger

Stranger Queen�s Park Ranger

Stranger Texas Ranger

Straw Ali McGraw

Stray Gamma Ray

Street Field of Wheat

Strides (trousers) Donkey Rides

Strides [trousers) Jekyll and Hydes

Stripper Jack the Ripper

Strong Ping Pong

Sub Rubber Dub

Sub (pay advance) Rub a Dub

Subaru Scooby-Doo

Suit Bag of Fruit

Suit Bowl of Fruit

Suit Tin Flute

Suit Whistle and Flute

Sun Current Bun

Suntan Desperate Dan

Supersonic Gin and Tonic

Supper Tommy Tucker

Sure Bobby Moore

Suspenders No Surrenders

Swear Lord Mayor

Sydney Steak & kidney

Table Betty Grable

Table Cain and Abel

Tablets (Ecstasy) Gary Abblets

Tail Alderman's Nail

Tailor Sinbad the Sailor

Tale Daily Mail

Talk Bunny

Talk Rabbit and Pork

Talker Murray Walker

Tan Charlie Chan

Tan Peter Pan

Tanner Lord of the Manor

Tanner (sixpence) Sprarsy Anna

Tart Kick Start

Tart Treacle

Tax Candle Wax

Taxi Joe Baxi

Tea Half Past Three

Tea Rosy Lea

Tea You and Me

Teeth Bexley Heath

Teeth Edward Heath

Teeth Hampstead Heath

Telly Ned Kelly

Telly Roger Nellie

Telly Wobbly Jelly

Telly (TV) Custard and Jelly

Telly (TV) Liza Minelli

Ten Big Ben

Ten Cock and Hen

Tenner Ayrton Senna

Tenner Cockle

Tenner (�10) Paul McKenna

Tenner (10 pound note) Louise Wener

Testicles Barnacle Bills

Thank-you Sandshoe

Thief Tea Leaf

Thieving Tea Leafing

Thirst Geoff Hurst

Throat Billy Goat

Throat John O�Groat

Throat Nanny Goat

Ticket Bat and Wicket

Ticket Wilson Picket

Tie Peckham Rye

Tights Fly-by-Nights

Till Jack and Jill

Till (Cash register) Jack & Jill

Time Bird Lime

Time Grease and Grime

Time Harry Lime

Tips (Gratuities) Fish and Chips

Tit (breast) Brad Pitt

Tits First Aid Kits

Tits (breasts) Ballroom Blitz

Tits (breasts) Brace and Bits

Tits (breasts) Eartha Kitts

Tits (breasts) Fainting Fits

Tits (breasts) Thr'penny Bit

Titties (breasts) Bristol Cities

Titty (breast) Walter Mitty

Toast Holy Ghost

Toast Mickey Most

Toaster Roller Coaster

Tock Tick

Toe Sebastion Coe

Toes Bromley by bow's

Toilet Trap One

Tomato Sauce Dead Ross

Tongue Brigham Young

Tonic Supersonic

Tool April fool

Tools Crown Jewels

Tools Judge Jules

Toss Kate Moss

Tosser Dental Flosser

Tote canal boat

Tow Edgar Alan Poe

Towel Peter Powell

Towers David Gowers

Town Joe Brown

Train John Wayne

Train Michael Caine

Trainers (running shoes) Claire Rayners

Trainers (running shoes) Gloria Gaynors

Tramp (hobo) Paraffin Lamp

Tramp (hobo) Thirteen Amp

Trouble Barney Rubble

Trousers Callards

Trousers Lards

Trousers Lesley Crowthers

Trousers Round the Houses

True Eyes of Blue

Trunks Chipmunks

Tube (underground) Oxo cube

Turd (shit) Douglas Hurd

Turd (shit) Richard the Third

Turkey Pinky and Perky

Twenty-two Dinky Do

Twig Earwig

Tyres Dorothy Squires

Ugly Fugly

Ugly Face Cambridge and Oxford

Umbrella Auntie Ella

Undies Eddie Grundies

Undies Reg Grundies

Van Bread & Jam

VAT (value added tax) Vodka and Tonic

Veg Uncle Reg

Vegan Kevin Keegan

Veggie Ronnie & Reggie (Kray)

Vest East and West

Vicar Pie and Liquor

Voda (mobile phone) Whiskey and Soda

Voice Hobsons Choice

Vomit Wallace and Gromit

Wager (bet) John Major

Wages Cat and Cages

Wages Greengages

Walk Ball of Chalk

Wank Barclays Bank

Wank Jodrell Bank

Wank Tom Tank

Wank (masturbate) J. Arthur Rank

Wank (masturbate) Midland Bank

Wank (masturbate) Peddle and Crank

Wank (masturbate) Sherman Tank

Wank (masturbate) Tommy Tank

Wanker Kuwaity Tanker

Wanker Merchant Banker

Wanker Ravi Shankar

Wash Bob Squash

Watch Gordon & Gotch

Watch (fob watch) Kettle and Hob

Water Darling Daughter

Water Fisherman's Daughter

Water Ten Furlongs (Mile and a quarter)

Web Site Wind and Kite

Weed Harris Tweed

Weed Shannon Tweed

Week Bubble and Squeak

Weight Pieces of Eight

Wench Monkey Wrench

Wench Tramp on a bench

Whisky Gay and Frisky

Whore Doug McClure

Whore Roger Moore

Wife Bread knife

Wife Duchess of Fife

Wife Fork and Knife

Wife Trouble and Strife

Wig Irish Jig

Wig Syrup of Figs

Window Burnt Cinder

Windshield Wiper Billie Piper

Windy Mork and Mindy

Wine Porcupine

Wood Do me Good

Word Dicky Bird

Work Captain Kirk

Work Dunkirk

Work Kathy Burke

Worries Fred McMurrays

Wrong Falun Gong

Wrong Pete Tong

Yank Septic Tank

Yank Sherman Tank

Yank Wooden Plank

Yanks Ham Shanks

Yanks Petrol Tanks

Yawn Johnny Vaughn

Years Donkey's Ears

Yid (Jew) Front Wheel Skid

Zits Candlesticks