column: male friendships

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92 LEONG WAI KIT admits he’s pretty gay whenever he’s with the Best Friend. He talks about the bros and cons of loving another male. Give us a break. We’re not BROKEBACK view 92 THE BEST FRIEND almost choked on his saliva when I suggested writing about our bromance. Eh, you’d better check the definition first. Bromance sounds very suggestive, leh, said Mr Tan. Yes, the mood’s always bright and gay whenever we hang out (which is at least once a week since we live a few blocks away from each other). But there’s nothing suggestive about our 18-year bromance. Though I do love him, there’s no romance involved in our relationship. Choy! Yikes! Pui! Of course, no one can blame the Best Friend for being wary. After all, we live in a liberal society where modernization has ironically turned some of us into prudes. Marathon relationship: Best friend Beng turning up to support me during my triathlon race. One of our common interests during our 18-year-friendship is running marathons. Despite being at least one hour faster than I, he never fails to slow down for me just so we can finish together (Awwww –the Ed). Two muscular guys hanging out? Aiyah, sure gay, lah. Your unmarried uncle’s best friend is a hairstylist? Poor Granny. There goes her hopes for grandchildren. Now, let’s time-travel back to say, the 50s – before technology and social media introduced words like “metrosexual” and “bromance”, and when Gay World was a perfectly straight amusement park. Would we have given dirty looks to two muscular coolies, chilling out over cheap beer at the kopitiam? And surely, we wouldn’t have labelled Tan Ah Kow a metrosexual just because he likes pink shirts? Yet, it’s because we’re better informed these days, that we begin to stereotype. Case in point. My friends J and D are both relatively good looking, sporty and extremely muscular guys who work out at the gym with a passion. They’ve been sharing a flat for quite some time now. Hands up, those of you who’ve raised an eyebrow already. Truth is, J and D are just really good friends. They’re also as straight as a cheekopek (and yes, they both have girlfriends). But they get stared at by their neighbors so often that one day, while riding the lift with their kaypoh neighbours, D decided to place his arm around J’s shoulder and said, “dear, what do you feel like eating today”? Good on them – because male-male friendships are nothing to be embarrassed about, so ignore the narrowminded. While it’s perfectly fine for gal-gal friendships, we guys tend to be viewed in a dierent light if we’re openly close to each other. lifestyle Feb 2010 93 93 93 But like how girls bond over high tea and shopping, we guys need the company of our own gender too. So it’s perfectly natural to spend time with our dear male companions because, in the words of Ms Tan Yen Yen, a psychology lecturer at the Singapore Polytechnic, “It is important to many males to bond with their guy pals because these experiences can’t be replicated with their girlfriend.” “Guy-guy friendships, like gal-gal friendships, give males emotional support. It takes a dierent form – guys go out for drinks and talk about girls, jobs, money, sports, tech toys, because these are ways their emotional needs are being met,” she adds. And although Tan Yen Yen disagrees, I feel it’s so much easier to maintain a guy-guy friendship because guys – being less emo than gals – are less complicated. Thus, we don’t get mad with each other over something we mindlessly said, or at times when we don’t keep in touch because we’re busy. To quote Ms Sim, my teacher friend, “If you reprimand a male student today, he’ll grin at you the next day. But if it’s a female student, she’ll sulk for an entire week.” How true. Gals and their estrogen. Plus, I don’t have to play Aunt Agony as I have to with my gal pals (I don’t want to be agonized, and I don’t want to be an Auntie). And if I can find a girl today – who has zero girly problems (do you think he loves me? Why didn’t he call? Tell me, am I fat?) – I’ll be her bestest friend in the whole wide world any day (oops, sorry, Lynette!). So, guys and gals, the next time you see two fit and good looking guys hanging out (mainly my Best Friend and I), you can be sure they are in a bromance. And there’s nothing queer about bromance. 36 , /RYH <RX %HQJ Subscription Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mr/Mdm _______________________________ ___________________________________________________ Date of Birth ____________________NRIC ______________ Occupation _________________________________________ Income ____________________________________________ Address ___________________________________________ __________________________________________________ _______________________Postal Code _________________ Telephone(HP)______________________________________ (H)_______________________(O) _______________________ Email ______________________________________________ YES! I would like to subscribe to 12 issues (1 year) of Lifestyle Magazine at $36 Simply ll in the form below and send it back to us with your cheque payment TERMS AND CONDITIONS PAYMENT DETAILS MAIL TO ENQUIRE AT English Edition Chinese Edition

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Page 1: Column: Male friendships

92

LEONG WAI KIT admits he’s pretty gay whenever he’s with the Best

Friend. He talks about the bros and cons of loving another male.

Give us a break.

We’re not BROKEBACK

view92

THE BEST FRIEND almost choked on his saliva when I suggested writing about our bromance.

Eh, you’d better check the defi nition fi rst. Bromance sounds very suggestive, leh, said Mr Tan.

Yes, the mood’s always bright and gay whenever we hang out (which is at least once a week since we live a few blocks away from each other). But there’s nothing suggestive about our 18-year bromance. Though I do love him, there’s no romance involved in our relationship. Choy! Yikes! Pui!

Of course, no one can blame the Best Friend for being wary. After all, we live in a liberal society where modernization has ironically turned some of us into prudes.

Marathon relationship: Best friend Beng turning up to

support me during my triathlon race. One of our common interests during our

18-year-friendship is running marathons. Despite being at least one hour faster than I,

he never fails to slow down for me just so we can fi nish together (Awwww –the Ed).

Two muscular guys hanging out? Aiyah, sure gay, lah. Your unmarried uncle’s best friend is a hairstylist? Poor Granny. There goes her hopes for grandchildren.

Now, let’s time-travel back to say, the 50s – before technology and social media introduced words like “metrosexual” and “bromance”, and when Gay World was a perfectly straight amusement park. Would we have given dirty looks to two muscular coolies, chilling out over cheap beer at the kopitiam? And surely, we wouldn’t have labelled Tan Ah Kow a metrosexual just because he likes pink shirts?

Yet, it’s because we’re better informed these days, that we begin to stereotype. Case in point. My friends J and D are both relatively good looking, sporty and extremely muscular guys who work out at the gym with a passion. They’ve been sharing a fl at for quite some time now. Hands up, those of you who’ve raised an eyebrow already.

Truth is, J and D are just really good friends. They’re also as straight as a cheekopek (and yes, they both have girlfriends). But they get stared at by their neighbors so often that one day, while riding the lift with their

kaypoh neighbours, D decided to place his arm around J’s shoulder and said, “dear, what do you feel like eating today”?

Good on them – because male-male friendships are nothing to be embarrassed about, so ignore the narrowminded.

While it’s perfectly fi ne for gal-gal friendships, we guys tend to be viewed in a di! erent light if we’re openly close to each other.

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YS

T

lifestyle Feb 2010 939393

But like how girls bond over high tea and shopping, we guys need the company of our own gender too.

So it’s perfectly natural to spend time with our dear male companions because, in the words of Ms Tan Yen Yen, a psychology lecturer at the Singapore Polytechnic, “It is important to many males to bond with their guy pals because these experiences can’t be replicated with their girlfriend.”

“Guy-guy friendships, like gal-gal friendships, give males emotional support. It takes a di! erent form – guys go out for drinks and talk about girls, jobs, money, sports, tech toys, because these are ways their emotional needs are being met,” she adds.

And although Tan Yen Yen disagrees, I feel it’s so much easier to maintain a guy-guy friendship because guys – being less emo than gals – are less complicated. Thus, we don’t get mad with each other over something we mindlessly said, or at times when we don’t keep in touch because we’re busy.

To quote Ms Sim, my teacher friend, “If you reprimand a male student today, he’ll grin at you the next day. But if it’s a female student, she’ll sulk for an entire week.”

How true. Gals and their estrogen.

Plus, I don’t have to play Aunt Agony as I have to with my gal pals (I don’t want to be agonized, and I don’t want to be an Auntie). And if I can fi nd a girl today – who has zero girly problems (do you think he loves me? Why didn’t he call? Tell me, am I fat?) – I’ll be her bestest friend in the whole wide world any day (oops, sorry, Lynette!).

So, guys and gals, the next time you see two fi t and good looking guys hanging out (mainly my Best Friend and I), you can be sure they are in a bromance.

And there’s nothing queer about bromance.

Subscription

Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mr/Mdm _______________________________

___________________________________________________

Date of Birth ____________________NRIC ______________

Occupation _________________________________________

Income ____________________________________________

Address ___________________________________________

__________________________________________________

_______________________Postal Code _________________

Telephone(HP)______________________________________

(H)_______________________(O) _______________________

Email ______________________________________________

YES! I would like to subscribe to 12 issues (1 year) of Lifestyle Magazine at $36Simply !ll in the form below and send it back to us with your cheque payment

TERMS AND CONDITIONS

PAYMENT DETAILS

MAIL TO

ENQUIRE AT

English Edition Chinese Edition