comm231 final portfolio

8/18/2019 Comm231 Final Portfolio

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(more) #age 'Target ,udience:

#otential medical marijuana candidates.

o They would be interested because it deals with the old stigmas that used to follow

marijuana users. The story details how opinions are very open to the use ofmarijuana for medical purposes.

(tudents interested in the marijuana industry

o With legalization occurring in different states the opportunity for students to enter

the marijuana industry is becoming more prevalent. There is a potential for a lotof money to be made as there is no established market as of yet. (tudents who

are looking to take their careers in the direction of marijuana would be interestedto know policy law and public opinion.

)))


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*evin +oughW,-) T/ )01ec 02 '203&omm'4052'20

/)0 #o(6 Medical Marijuana -7W-IT7

S'$: UM1 residents share opinions on Maryland medical marijuana

UM1 residents react to medical marijuana in MarylandWidespread support from students reflects Maryland’s moving toard progressive las!

The ne$t in a long line of states 8 Maryland has approved regulations for a full5scale

medical marijuana program to begin operation in '209. Maryland joins the '4 states to have

legalized the distribution of marijuana as a medicine to patients with a doctor:s approval.

Medical marijuana is already a huge change from the criminalization of cannabis in the past but

students at UM1 seem to support full recreational legalization.

(more)


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+ough; #age '

#egal -s Medical

/ll the students interviewed agreed that medical marijuana was a benefit to the state

more than half also saidthat recreational legalization was a better approach. 1anny (alsbury a

junior business student said he thinks marijuana should be recreationally available.

have access to legal marijuana they are far less likely to have to deal with sketchy people?

(alsbury said.


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(more)

+ough; #age 4

#et.s tal" legal

With the e$istence of pseudo5legal marijuana in Maryland as a decriminalized

substance there is still a limited legal penalty for users. /ustin Weaver a junior computer

science student thinks he shouldn:t pay for users: jail cells. should use marijuana to make money instead.?

said Weaver.

(tudents in favor of legalization often mentioned alcohol as their measuring stick. They

believed that a substance less dangerous than alcohol should be regulated and sold to people over

age '0.


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F&ut needless words )404,4CG

• 1ut out graf in subhead one

o condensed my main idea

• 1ut out 2 grafs in subhead three

o Irrelevant information

• 1ut out $*3'd

o It was littered throughout my story I eliminated it wherever I found it and made

sure all opinion came from interviewees.

• 1ut out irrele-ant uote

o -emoved part of my "uote kicker at the end.

F&ontribute )D,23G

• ,dded more neutral language

o Wherever I found op5ed I reworded my thoughts and the interviewees thoughts to

be less opinionated.

• ,dded a better photo caption

F&lean up e$amples

• Mo-ed uote +y ,ustin Wea-er

o With so many cuts in my word count and topic I moved his "uote to a reworked

subhead.

• Rewor"ed su+head three


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o It was a horrible subhead originally with no topic. /dded in a more informative

subhead with reworked "uotes and material.

• For(atting

o Made sure formatting was correct removed some awkward "uote positions along

with page breaks.

(more)

*evin +ough W,- ) 3 &:s pg. 'H+(#(

• 1leaned and cut out unnecessary filler words

o 1elete ?a? from


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Synopsis For Final Portfolio: Comm231

Story Title: The $nion

Type of story:

Hard news story is the type of story. It is a report on the most important parts of the

presentation.

Topic/Focus:

The main bar is about recapping the events of the meeting. I found that they stressed

headlines and fact checking. I also tried to incorporate plenty of audience curiosity andhow they helped move the discussion forward. The J/ took nearly half of the time ofthe presentation so focusing on the audience also helped recap events and repeating keyconcepts that came up in the responses from Mc+raw and /ffonso.

W/R techniues:

F$R&

o Mc+raw and /ffonso appear throughout and I made an effort to relate everything

back to fact5checking and headlines. These were the main points and I wanted tostress them within my writing as /ffonso and Mc+raw stressed them within the presentation.

4escripti-e #ead

o I described the atmosphere before the presentation to effectively place the reader

into the audience. It allowed me to hook the reader into the hard news aspect of the story.

&ey 'le(ents:

o Repetition of key people and phrases was critical for sticking to my theme.

o Su+heads allowed me to pop out key ideas in each section.

News )alues:

'ntertain(ent:

o The Anion is written to entertain and people interested in the satirical

comedy would be interested in how they make fake news entertaining. Italso involved the actual show which was nearly a comedy event with theway it was presented.


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Helpfulness:

o The skills part of the presentation and report are helpful to a variety of

different students and people. !elping people to succeed by reiteratingskills was the main focus of the presentation.

(more)

#age 'Target ,udience

5ournalis(/Writing (ajors:

o The skills imparted at the Anion are incredibly relevant to anyone

interested in disseminating information or writing effectively. The topicsfocused heavily on how to use fact5checking and headlines to grab areader into your story and keep them attached to it.

*olitical Science (ajorso 7ven if you don:t necessarily care for the skills needed to present fake

Kand realL news the political satire in the Anion is enough to keep peoplewith an appetite for politics comically satisfied. The skills were presentedthrough published stories and headlines that highlight political and socialissues of the time they are released.

666


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S'$: The $nion tal"s journalis( and co(edy

The $nion schools students on facts of fa"e news

"#e $nion %rings t#e laug#s and t#e &noledge it# t#eir innovative approac# to imparting

reporting s&ills and tips!

%y *evin +ough

(tudents begin to pour into the already crowded (tamp grand ballroom chattering

eagerly about the show to come. /s the two men on stage introduced themselves the room fell

into a hush of anticipation. They began officially speaking of skills used in the digital world

while preparing their powerpoint..


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Ironically to make the detailed fake news the Anion is known for a massive amount of

fact5checking is re"uired. Mc+raw said


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The evening ended as e$citedly as it began with the audience laughing at the answers to

their own "uestions. Mc+raw and /ffonso actually ran out of time to answer "uestions but left

the audience with a clear message6 learn to write headlines and do not forget to fact check.

5425

S'$: The $nion tal"s (isco((unication at 8M4

When reporting goes wrong9 fa"e3news gets real co-erage

"#e $nion editors discuss mainstream media misinterpreting stories

'y evin oug#

!ijinks are bound to happen when you have a fake news

source and lazy reporters. The Anion:s satirical content stays that

way. %ut what happens when real news outlets like @o$ ews reports

stories about a 32225word email from president AbamaB Oou have

apologies public outrage and embarrassment from the broadcaster. The Anion is a master of

satire and with the diligence that goes into writing the stories it:s no surprise people are taking

them seriously.

@o$ ews isn:t the only one who has reported on the AnionP often times &hinese news

outlets will get ahold of a story as well.


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highlight the absurdity of the post to demonstrate the evils of planned parenthood but fell on his

face when the article was fake.

@lemming is just an unfortunate e$ample of the Anion claiming another victim:s

credibility and as a public figure credibility is everything. /nd nothing can kill your credibility

faster than the Anion.

542

The $nion +rings co(edy to 8M4

Writing for laughs9 the $nion presents at ST,M*%y *evin +ough

Thursday Act. 03 1an Mc+raw and Nermaine /ffonso two editors from the Anion

present on digital story strategiesat the grand ballroom. Mc+raw and /ffonso will discuss

strategies for writing headlines and the importance of fact checking. %ring your "uestions for the

J/ after the presentation to get to know 1an and Nermaine. #lease contact us at

stamp493univdeptQumd.edu with any "uestions about obtaining tickets.

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mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


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• 1ut part of introduction

o It was poorly written and not good enough writing to try to rework. 7nded up not

being essential to the coverage.

• 1ut passi-e -oice

o Took passive voice down to 'G from 03G. I went through paragraph by

paragraph and the only place it is left is in the captions.

• 1ut (ain+ar conclusion

o It just didn:t flow and I didn:t want to keep such an irrelevant part of the

assignment.F&ontribute )3',23G

• 1ontri+uted a new conclusion to (ain+ar

o I rewrote conclusion to main bar better Kbut still not greatL transition into the end

of the story.

1ontri+uted +etter language to side+ar


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o My sidebar need reworked language so I tried to change some of the stranger

wordings and make the whole story flow better.

1ontri+uted a photo to side+ar

o /dded a visual element

8F&lean up e$amplesR• ,d-ancer

o &leaned up the irrelevant information and provided much need contact

information.

• Main+ar conclusion

o It was awful writing and it needed to be rewritten to flow better with the rest of

the paper.

(more)

*evin +ough W,- ) 3 &:s pg. 'H+(#(

• ,dded co((as

o -un on sentences were rampant so I added commas to breakup some of the

writing.

• 'li(inated (isplaced (odifiers

o I found modifiers which were in the wrong place due to poor sentence structure.

I rewrote the sentences and replaced the modifiers.

HW,-5ed

• 1ut +ad adjecti-es

o I found adjectives that added nothing to my story and removed the e$tra words.

F&ollaborate (how5tell how,what feedback from peers colleagues T/,-T you incorporated

• ,dded pictures and caption

o I used the Anion logo to enhance my sidebar:s visual.

• Re(o-ed passi-e -oice

o @ound all the passive voice and eliminated it added 'G in the caption of my

visual.

• %(pro-ed uotes

o -eworked commas and "uotation mark placement around sandwich attribution

"uotes

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Synopsis

For Final Portfolio: Comm231

Story Title: Nic" 'a"in

Type of story:

*rofile

o &enters around the growth of ick 7akin through his e$periences in high school

with his friends.

Topic/Focus:

The focus is ick:s journey as a high school student and his growth as a person. I use a

metaphor of breaking through when I discuss his anecdotal lead e$perience at the beginning.

W/R techniues:

,necdotal #ead

o Talked about ick being pulled through ice and saved by his father. Used this to

build on a metaphor of ick breaking through his depression.

WS5 for(ula

o Used the wall street journal formula to take advantage of the suspense that my

anecdotal lead build.&ey 'le(ents:

Sections

o I was able to use subheads to transition the reader through the chronology of my

story. %y breaking apart ick:s e$perience into various chronological periods Iam able to lead the reader through the narrative I wanted to pave.

o they droned on.

)arying Sentence #ength

o %y using sentences of various lengths I create contrast and flow through the

profile to compliment the parallelism.


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News )alues:

Hu(an %nterest

o The dynamic of the friendship apparent in the story helps build connection with

the characters especially ick in the (ain+ar and Noey in the side+ar< %ydeveloping the characters and their relationships it helps to create a sense of

involvement and interest in their lives. In order to play up this news value % usedfirst na(es for Nic" and 5oey to create a personal relationship +etween the(

and the reader<

%ssues in the 1o((unity

ick:s struggle with depression is becoming more and more commonplace among

people. Mental health is a rising concern for many /merican:s and the stigma behind depression and other mental illnesses is beginning to fade as time goes on.!ighlighting ick:s e$perience with depression builds on the acceptance of theissue.

(more)


,udiences connect with this story because most students are young people many

of whom can connect with loneliness and friend struggles. It allows the reader tostep into ick:s shoes as he maneuvers through his life and recognizes who he is andwhy he is important.

5425


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*evin +oughW,- ) T/ )0&omm'4052'20 ov. 42 '203 ick 7akin6 Mainbar

S'$: Nic" 'a"in finds friends and fights depressionSu((ary =lur+:

/s friends come and go ick 7akin learns the real value of the people who call him a friend. /story of triumph and loss ick:s tumultuous teenage years bring more than just maturity.

Trapped +eneath the %ce*ometimes t#e pain of sorro %rings out t#e strengt# of friends

/s ick 7akin plunged into the icy water he felt as though the cold swallowed him. /s

if the dark freezing pond had sucked the very life from his body rendering him unable to even

reach out and grasp at cracked ice above him. %ut it wasn:t fear that gripped himP it was a

resignation to hopelessness and despair. !e remained suspended in this half5life for what he said

was


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!e felt a sense of liberation washed over his body as he looked into the eyes of his rescuersP he

had been ready to die but had somehow lived.

ick:s father leapt into a frozen pond to drag his son back to dry land undoubtedly

saving 95year5old ick:s life. /s a child ick had never felt more valuable than on that day.

%ut as ick grew older his self5worth plummeted like the child in the frozen lake. /s he entered

his high school years he found himself plagued by a different chillP the chill of loneliness of

depression as he stumbled his way through early adolescence searching for someone to drag him

from the depths of himself.

(more)

*evin +ough W,- ) &omm'4052'20 ov. 42 '203 ick 7akin pg. '

Suspended ,ni(ation

7ntering high school was the beginning of his spiral into

depression. ick had started his first relationship just a few months

prior and slowly had his time monopolized by what he called a


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(more)

*evin +ough W,- ) &omm'4052'20 ov. 42 '203 ick 7akin pg. 4

Friends in high places

ick slowly fell into a crowd that played fast

and loose with e$perimentation. /lways one to see the

best in others he never "uestioned the drugs and

drinking that accompanied his new found friends. Ane

of these friends Noey %onavitacola "uickly became a

staple in ick:s life. ick said

I could:ve asked for. !e was down for anything

whether it was robbing a bank or sitting on a porch I

know me and Noe could:ve had the time of our lives

doing it.?

The Friends:

• /ustin and (pencer

#hillipso

&ollege students• &hris Mc7lligott

o (ailor in the avy

• #hil !arman

o &hildhood best

friend


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Noey and ick stuck together through the latter half of high school attracting the likes of

ick:s current friends with their antics. They began falling in with the pair whenever they saw

the two together. ick:s friends have a penchant for describing him and Noey as a couple of

goofballs.


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family and friends rushed back home ick felt himself strangely detached from the wave of

emotion.


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1escribed by his friends as a


25/56

morning after a party sparking pacts among friends to stay away from the hard stuff: in honor of

his memory.

5425

Synopsis


Story Title: 1huc"town shootout

Type of story:

Feature news story

o I used feature to lead the reader through the story with chronological and

background events. I kept the suspense on by including a play5by5play of theshooting.

Topic/Focus:

The shooting at a bank in &hucktown and an officer:s response are the main points of thearticle. I can:t speculate on the legal end of the shooting even if it is an interesting angle.

W/R techniues:

Note ta"ing

o We had to take notes in order to get all the information down in the crime lab. I

used a video recording to take notes.


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S$= attri+ution

o Used to reference police reports and police references.

&ey 'le(ents:

1hronological story telling

o Used to lead the reader through the shooting through the eyes of an eye witness.

News )alues:

Ti(eliness

o The story is a recent report on a potential bank robbery. This is only relevant

while it the alleged robbery is a recent memory.

%ssues in the co((unity

o /rmed robbery is an issue in the community but it also demonstrates the

efficiency of law enforcement.

Target ,udience

#ocal co((unity (e(+ers

o They would care because of a bank robbery in close pro$imity. It also proves that

the police force is keeping the general public safe.

*olice $fficers

o #olice officers would be interested because it involves a violent shootout that

prevented a crime.

666

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o 1ut out all references to underco-er

There was no confirmation from the police that it was ethical to release his

undercover status.o 1ut out Mess.s suspension

It was irrelevant to go into so much detail over an unrelated event that may

jeopardize his credibility.o 1ut whole ending

I rewrote ending to flow better with the rest of the piece.

• &ontribute )'D,24GG

o ,dded Tweet

There was no tweet included so I added a tweet and a hashtag.

o ,dded new ending

The new ending is only a few words longer but seems to wrap the story up

much more effectively.

• ,dded +etter language

o

7liminated jargon and terms that added unnecessary detail so I could e$pand onthe ending.

• &lean up e$amplesR

o 'nding

1idn:t have any detail and just abruptly shifted to the hospital. I decided

to rework it to include more time at the scene and improve on thetransitioning.

o >shot? -s >hit?

I decided to keep shot instead of hit because saying hit with a bullet is

unnecessarily wordy.

(more)

*evin +ough W,- )0 &omm'4052'20 3 &:s pg. '

• +(#(

o !uote cleanup

o /dded a comma in aggler:s split "uote.

o &ept tense consistent

o @ound all inconsistencies in the tense and removed them by changing verbs.

• HW,-5ed

o *lainclothes officer

o I kept plainclothes to make it evident that Nefferson did not commit this crime in

front what he knew to be a police officer.

• &ollaborate (how5tell how,what feedback from peers colleagues T/,-T you

incorporated


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o Re(o-ed underco-er officer re-eal

-T commented that I revealed the undercover officer and potentially could

be in an ethical grey area.o Re(o-ed jargon


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The tornado that struck &hucktown and the results of the tornado were the main topics of

my story. I tried to also include information relevant to people impacted by the tornadoin order to inform ne$t day readers.

W/R techniues:

8pdated #eado #rovided a ne$t day lead for follow up information. This allowed me to create

important news angles for ne$t day readers who needed to know about the crisis.

!uotes

o Used Nerrie #otter:s information to create a real5life situation within the school.

This let me bring the reader into the tornado environment as everything wascollapsing around someone.

&ey 'le(ents:

Ne@t day infor(ation

o Without ne$t day information the story would not be relevant to the ne$t day

community.

,necdotes

o Nerrie #otter:s story in the school created a good relatability factor to the reader

where they can place themselves in her shoes during the tornado.

News )alues:

%ssues in the 1o((unity

o The tornado caused a huge amount of damage and knocked out power along with

phone lines. This means the community will be interested in the cost and theestimated time that phone lines will be available.

Hu(an %nteresto #eople will be interested in the deaths and injuries of community members. This

will entice them to read on to find out more potentially names of the dead orinformation about the injured.

(more)


Residents of 1huc"town

o -esidents of &hucktown are the most affected and this means they are most likelyto read news related to the tornado

%nsurance agencies

o Insurance agencies will be interested because they are the ones paying for most of

the damage done by the hurricane. The information in the article is relevant tothem because they are able to get a sense of the total damage that the tornadocaused.


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F&ut needless words )DD,00G

• 1ut >ly? words

o 7liminated fortunately in order to clean up loose words.• Tightened the second su+head

o %rought the view inside of the school to a more manageable length.

• 1ut out (isplaced tense

o Tomorrow should have been written as today for the updated article.

F&ontribute )'4,9G

• 1ontri+uted acti-e -oice

o -eworked a few sentences altogether in order to eliminate unwanted passive

voice.

•

1ontri+uted accurate ,* styleo &hanged damages to cost of damage

8F&lean up e$amplesR

• ,* style cleanup

o 1amage to damages and 0250'V million

• *assi-e -oice cleanup

o I found that when I indirectly use information from a source I tend to word it in

passive voice.

H+(#(

• AB3A2C (illion

• Misplaced tense

o The tomorrow morning to today was my biggest mistake when it came to +(#( in

this story.

(more)

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1hanged dec" and header to (ore +etter wording

o The header especially was really awkward


• Tense align(ent

o -T pointed out my ne$t day lead was off in my final graf

• Re(o-ed $p3ed


32/56

o /nywhere I found my opinion I tried to remove it completely and add in the

direct opinion of the source.

)))

S'$: FD tornado makes ground in 1huc"town

1huc"town (ourns after tornado lea-es three dead

"amoon residents re%uild and regroup in t#e a&e of a deadly storm

%y *evin +ough


33/56

-esidents today are waking up to a shattered scene within &hucktown after a tornado

touched down near the University of Maryland. Ivy See a spokesperson for the University

Medical &enter said that there are three deaths at the current time. 'C Injured people are

receiving care at the University Medical &enter while property damages are continuing to be

estimated.

%etween 42 and D2 homes have severe damage in addition to damages to /dams

7lementary (chool. /n insurance adjuster has estimated the total damages to the local area to be

between 02 and 0'V million. These costs of the damage are at deadline but officials: estimate

that clean5up and repair will likely continue for the ne$t several days. To stay up to date on the

latest news for this story follow up with us at www.diamondbackonline.com.

School nearly e(pty during tornado

@or the teachers at /dams elementary they were on a school retreat when the tornado

passed over. #rincipal Nerrie #otter however was not lucky enough to have left to attend the

retreat yet.


34/56

counselor in need of medical assistance. %oth of these individuals are receiving care at the

University Medical &enter.

*ower and phones out

The power in the (outh side of town is suffering from downed lines. /ccording to

&hucktown Sight and #ower about 4222 homes and 022 businesses are without power. Names

Watt said


35/56

Tweet: &hucktown gathers together in mourning after a tornado leaves three dead.)#rayfor&hucktown

5425

Synopsis


Story Title: 1hurch '(+ezzler


36/56

Type of story:

Radio story

o Written to be read on radio may include passive voice in order to sound

conversational.

Topic/Focus:

1hurch e(+ezzler -on #oteet pleads guilty to embezzlement and awaits sentencing.

The story is written to get only the most important points across rather than e$plainingany given event that happened.

W/R techniues:

1apital usage

o Using capitals indicates that the writing is meant to be read out loud in a

broadcast format.

,/) directions

o /llows the broadcast to be read and aired with the correct timing. Includes thevideo times and soundbite entries to keep everything running smoothly.

&ey 'le(ents:

,/) directions

o /s a broadcast assignment making sure the timing and entry of speakers is one of

the most important components.

1on-ersational tone

o /s this assignment was meant to be read a conversational tone was re"uired. If

this was not incorporated the story has no meaning because it is not clear to

listeners of the broadcast.

News )alues:

Ti(eliness

o The charges against #oteet are reported today as a breaking news story. This

makes the news story relevant for anyone who previously knew about the #oteetscandal.

Hu(an %nterest

o -obbing a church will always be a particularly heinous crime. It is likely that

people who are members of that denomination are particularly angry thatsomeone embezzled funds.

Target ,udience:

Me(+ers of the ro++ed church

o They would be interested because their money had been embezzled. /ny money

that is lost by a public is newsworthy.#age '

Surrounding churchgoers


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o The embezzled money from #oteet:s scheme might cause suspicion among

surrounding churches. o one wants their money to go to a thief.

)))

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38/56

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)))

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39/56

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42/56


Story Title: Minority 'nroll(ent

Type of story:Hard news story

o 1iscusses how minority enrollment has grown over the past 3 years. It lets readers

know how and why minority enrollment has grown.

Topic/Focus:

Minority enroll(ent

o The increase in minority enrollment is due to the University:s commitment to

diversity.W/R techniues:

4ata in ta+le for(at

o Set:s us the reader see the percentage of increase more easily.

=oilerplate

o +ives the reader a sense of what UMd:s policies and attitudes towards students

are about.

&ey 'le(ents:

1ontact %nfo

o Including contact info is critical so people can give feedback on your proposal to

them.

#etterhead

o +ives the news release and proposal credibility and a sense that the report isofficial.

News )alues:

*ro+le(s in society

o Show a pro+le( is occurring throughout corporate and educational /merica.

1all to action

o 1hange the re"uirement for testing

Target ,udience:

'arly education (ajors would be interested because I and aptitude tests are

often used in early education to place children according to ability. The findings published in this book assert that this could be detrimental to the adaptingmaturity of growing children.

8M4 faculty who were forced to submit to drug tests or lie detector tests in order

to receive federal grants a position at the university or any other number of thingsfor which these types of tests are re"uired as a preliminary application.


43/56

)))*evin +oughW,- ) T/ )0&omm'4052'20

3 &:s6 ews -eleases

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Wct: 09C,4' 0DE,499

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Spp: 4,4.4 '.9,D.'

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0#: C.D,00 C.E,02.D

S'$chct: 44,D9 44,D9

=oilerplate

:DD,D' DD,D'

Header: 4,DC 4,DC

F&ut needless words )32,00G

• Re(o-ed recent

o Unnecessary adjective for a timely news story.

• Re(o-ed that

o Unneeded fluff word.

• Re(o-ed steady

o 1escribing a trend which is inherently steady.

F&ontribute )'9,3G

• 8sed percent instead of >(ore than?

o -T wanted more specific data

• 4=& style

o @i$ed UM1 to UMd

• ,dded test to %! test

o -ewrote sentence to include new phrasing.


• Re(o-ed slug +loc"s

o /s per specs

• !uote cleanup

o #resident Soh:s sandwich "uote attribution


44/56

(more)

*evin +ough W,- ) &omm'4052'20 3 &:s pg. '

H+(#(• 1o((as

o /dded a comma after In his book?. /ll the data comes from his book.

• 1hanged their to the

o Wrong possessive


• ,dd percentage to (inorities

o I added the percentage to the minority data in the bullet list

• ,dd ta+le

o I removed the bullet list and added a table to show data instead.

• 4=& styleo I changed letterheads to fit with the news release guidelines.

)))


45/56

&ontact Information6 University of Maryland &ollege #ark M1 '2D' U(/#hone6 4205D2350222 7mail6emailumQumd.edu.

S'$: 8M4 Minority 'nroll(ent %ncrease

=ring 4i-ersity to 1a(pus with New Students

Minority student enrollment is groing on t#e /M0 campus as more people of multicultural%ac&grounds oin t#e student %ody

The University of Maryland reports that minority enrollment has increased by C.G this

fall. Wallace 1. Soh the University president has said that the increase in minority enrollment

is the result of a series of efforts to grow diversity on campus.

With campus enrollment only increasing by one percent this year the jump in minority

enrollment may come as a surprise. !owever the data collected by UMd shows that this is a

pattern of occurrences.

Trends in 'nroll(ent

Minority student enrollment has been on the rise for a few years. 1ata from five years

ago compared to data from the past two years shows there has been a trend of rising enrollment6

o

o 03D2 students o DG

o 0D students o 00G

o 0CEE students o CG

Kmore)

mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


46/56

#age '

/ccording to Soh however the recent efforts are not enough.


47/56

ews release6 #itch

Su+ject: +rowing diversity means growing tensions

@or the eyes of Matt 1ragonette6

+n increase in diversity means acceptance for most people %ut t#ere are t#ose #o ould see&

to segregate and divide us as people! Wit# more diversity on campus t#e real minority students

are t#e closet racists!

Matt

-ecent campus data shows a large increase in the enrollment of minority students. Many

students are e$cited to have more people with different backgrounds on campus but with there is

likely a divide between certain students on campus who would prefer a more segregated campus.

@or a potential feature piece you may be able to write on the true minority on campus

racist,prejudiced students. /s more multicultural individuals enter the university system it:s

possible we may also see a rise in racist incidents. To speak with someone regarding

discrimination on campus follow up with Nazmyn White the acting president of the %lack

(tudent Union at umdbsuQgmail.com.

Oou may also want to speak to the enrollment office as wellP they:ll help you determine

why there is such an influ$ of minority students. #resident Soh was unclear on his specific

methods but did assert efforts have been ongoing to attract a more diverse student body. Thanks

for taking the time to read through feel free to contact me with any other "uestions.

*evin +ough

&ontact Information6 University of Maryland &ollege #ark M1 '2D' U(/#hone6 4205D2350222 7mail6emailumQumd.edu.

mailto:[email protected]://www.admissions.umd.edu/mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]://www.admissions.umd.edu/mailto:[email protected]


48/56

S'$: Hidden conseuences behind ,(erican test ta"ing

How ,ptitude and %ntegrity Tests are Testing for Neither

e researc# indicates t#e +merican standard of testing individuals may %e doing more #arm

t#an good for t#e recipients of aptitude and integrity tests!

1rugs. /lcohol. +ambling. /ddictions of the average /merican. %ut what if I told you

/mericans were falling victim to something far more acceptableB Tests meant to determine

aptitude and integrity might actually be doing "uite the opposite according to research done by

@. /llan !anson a professor of /nthropology at UMd.

!anson asserts that using integrity and aptitude tests can act as a life sentence. The result

of the test binds them to the e$pectation of success or failure. !anson thinks that children taking

I tests at young ages may adapt to the scores as they mature. More specifically a student:s

peers and mentors act to meet the e$pectations of the I test potentially influencing the student:s

e$pectation of themselves and his,her potential for success in the future.

are e$amined and evaluated less for "ualifications or knowledge they already

possess than for what the test results can predict about future actions? !anson says. !e believes

evaluating someone:s practical ability through their potential limits the test giver and taker.

, loo" into the soul

Test taking is one way for people to take a glimpse into the mind of the subjects. %ut to

have another person peruse through your most intimate thoughts unable to retreat into the solace

of one:s own mind may truly be a shattering e$perience for those who take polygraph or lie

detector tests.

(more)

#age '


49/56

/ "uestioner forces an individual to submit to his line of "uestioning while the individual

attaches a device which measures stress. /s the individual answers "uestions the "uestioner

records answers alongside stress levels corresponding with each answer. Truth and lies can

allegedly be determined for each response by the person by deciphering these stress patterns.

!anson thinks these tests are


50/56

@eature -elease6 #itch

Su+ject6 /re you smart or notB

@or the eyes of Michael 7rrigo6

+merica’s o%session it# testing is %eginning to spill over negative conse4uences on t#e

recipients of t#ese tests! + ne %oo& pu%lis#ed %y F! +llan 5anson indicates t#at aptitude and

integrity testing impact a person’s individual apitutde and integrity!

Michael

/ new book written by anthropology professor @. /llan !anson indicates that certain

aptitude tests KI (/TL and integrity KSie detector and drug testsL are actually hampering

/merican:s personal ability and the integrity of the nation.

/ccording to !anson these tests limit both potential employees who are weeded out of a

company:s hiring process and students who perform poorly on aptitude tests. %oth of these

groups of people may fall into a cycle of relying on these tests to determine their own self5worth.

Oou may want to write an article targeting early education faculty and students as early

aptitude tests can severely limit a child:s potential according to !anson. Saura @roh

laurafrohQterpmail.umd.edu is a student in the program and 1r. &hristy Tirrell5&orbin the

director of the program.

Oou may also be able to write an article that provides alternate views to lie detector tests

and their value. !anson was adamantly opposed but there are a fair amount of instances where

these tests have proved very useful. Take a look and let me know if you have any other concerns

or "uestions. Thanks for your time.

*evin +ough5425


Story Title: Se@ual ,ssaults

mailto:[email protected]://www.education.umd.edu/HDQM/ECE/progfaculty.htmlhttp://www.education.umd.edu/HDQM/ECE/progfaculty.htmlhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie_detection#21st_centurymailto:[email protected]://www.education.umd.edu/HDQM/ECE/progfaculty.htmlhttps://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie_detection#21st_century


51/56

Type of story:

Feature lead/news story

Topic/Focus:

(e$ual assault in general. Women specifically were the main focus of victims in mystory.

W/R techniues:

#in"s

o +ave me the opportunity to back up mine and othersP: statements about se$ual

assault.

Su+heads

o I used my subheads to create shock value for the reader. The subheads seemed

effective in forcing the reader to read on whether they agreed or were offended by the subheads.

&ey 'le(ents:

*ercentages

o It is easiest for readers to read numbers alongside percentages so they have a

sense of where the numbers came from.

4angers of Men

o Men are the largest aYrape likely demographic. Therefore they have a

responsibility to stop other men from raping. /lthough most men do not rape themen that do often put women in dangerous situations.

News )alues: %ssues in the co((unity

o &ampus rape is an issue for all college students which are some of the

diamondback:s main publics.

Helpfulness

o %y providing this information it could prevent more women from being

raped,se$ually assaulted.

Target ,udience:

Rape ad-ocates

o These statistics were enough startle me into taking the problem of se$ual

assault more seriously. I always believed myself an advocate for victims butI had no idea there were so many victims.

1ollege wo(en

o Informing women about the dangers of campus se$ual assault is paramount

with information like this.*evin +oughW,- ) T/ )0&omm'4052'20


52/56

3 &:s6 ews -eleases

&AM#/-7Kews,@eatureL %efore /fter

Wct: 09C,4' 0DE,499

Wps : 0D.40.' 0D.2,09.Spp: 4,4.4 '.9,D.'

*) : 2,2 2,2

0#: C.D,00 C.E,02.D

S'$chct: 44,D9 44,D9

=oilerplate

:DD,D' DD,D'

Header: 4,DC 4,DC

F&ut needless words )32,00G

• Re(o-ed recent

o Unnecessary adjective for a timely news story.• Re(o-ed that

o Unneeded fluff word.

• Re(o-ed steady

o 1escribing a trend which is inherently steady.

F&ontribute )'9,3G

• 8sed percent instead of >(ore than?

o -T wanted more specific data

• 4=& style

o @i$ed UM1 to UMd• ,dded test to %! test

o -ewrote sentence to include new phrasing.


• Re(o-ed slug +loc"s

o /s per specs

• !uote cleanup

o #resident Soh:s sandwich "uote attribution

(more)

*evin +ough W,- ) &omm'4052'20 3 &:s pg. '


53/56

H+(#(

• 1o((as

o /dded a comma after In his book?. /ll the data comes from his book.

• 1hanged their to the

o Wrong possessive


• ,dd percentage to (inorities

o I added the percentage to the minority data in the bullet list

• ,dd ta+le

o I removed the bullet list and added a table to show data instead.

• 4=& style

o I changed letterheads to fit with the news release guidelines.

)))


54/56

The Goung and the Se@ually ,ssaulted

S'$: Se@ual ,ssaults and Rape on 1ollege 1a(pus

/mericans are under assault once again. ot by I(I( nor terrorism nor communism.

%ut by our own friends and neighbors many of whom we:ve grown close to during our lives.

(e$ual assaults in /merica especially for minors and college students are occurring to

about 0,3 women. /ccording to a report from the White !ouse women are targets of se$ual

assault far more often than men are with college campuses being the hotspot location for the

majority of cases.

8ni-ersity of Se@ 1ri(es

early 0,3 women who attend college are victims of se$ual assault during that period.

Aften times women know the perpetrator. Most assaults occur when victim is unconscious

potentially after becoming into$icated.

The party atmosphere in college provides perpetrators opportunity to catch women

into$icated and take advantage of the situation. The White !ouse reports that almost 9,02

incapacitated rapes and almost 4,02 forced rapes were at a party.

(more)

http://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/los-angeles-man-convicted-sexually-abusing-minors-while-russiahttp://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/los-angeles-man-convicted-sexually-abusing-minors-while-russiahttps://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/sexual_assault_report_1-21-14.pdfhttps://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/sexual_assault_report_1-21-14.pdfhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/claire-mccaskill/targeting-sexual-assaults_b_5166502.htmlhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/claire-mccaskill/targeting-sexual-assaults_b_5166502.htmlhttp://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/los-angeles-man-convicted-sexually-abusing-minors-while-russiahttps://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/sexual_assault_report_1-21-14.pdfhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/claire-mccaskill/targeting-sexual-assaults_b_5166502.html


55/56

#age '

Wo(en at Ris"

Most victims of se$ual assaults are women but some groups of women are at higher risk

than others. Women in certain demographics see the rape rate soar to over 42G6

• Multiracial K44.3 GL

• ative /merican,/laskan K'GL• %lack K''GL

• White K0EGL

• !ispanic K03GL

The majority of these women know their attacker with only about 0,02 rapes perpetrated by a

stranger. White !ouse data indicates se$ually assaulted women often e$perience a second se$ual

assault. /lmost 0,4 of women who e$perienced rape as minors e$perience it as adultsP

#erpetrators of rape are often serial offenders as well.

Repeat Rapists

/ccording to men who admitted to attempting,committing rape 9,02 admitted they had

committed multiple offenses averaging si$ rapes each. (erial perpetrators are likely to use date

rape drugs and plan other aspects of the crime.

(more)

#age 4

http://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/rape-sexual-violence/pages/victims-perpetrators.aspxhttps://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/http://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/rape-sexual-violence/pages/victims-perpetrators.aspxhttps://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/


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