common unhelpful thinking habits - · pdf filecbtandfeelinggood.com worksheet handout page 1...

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Common unhelpful thinking habits / irrational cognitions: modernpsychotherapytellsusthatwhenstressbecomesadisorderit

causesashiftinthinking–andwefilterandprocesssituationsandeventsthoughadistortedandgloomylens.The'picture'isofftrack,anditisnotthesituationthatiscausingourupset,itisourjudgementofthesituation(toparaphrasethephilosopherEpictetus).Thefollowingarethemostcommonthinkingpatternspeoplewithanxietyanddepressiondevelop.Note:allofusdosomeofthesesomeofthetime,butwhenweadoptmanyofthemasournaturaldefaultposition,wehaveaproblem.Canyouseeyourselfhere?Ifyoucan,don'tworry,that'sagoodthing!Itmeansyouhavetheabilitytoselfcritique,andthatifyou

puttheworkin,youcandismantlethosehabitsandbuildnewonesusingrationalthinkingskillswithCBT.

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TheFORTUNETELLINGhabit:

Thisiswhenwehaveahabitofpredictingnegativeoutcomesforsituationsandevents: ‘I’mnotdatingthatperson,itwouldneverworkout’.‘I’llgobutIwon’tenjoymyself’.‘Thatwon’tworkout,sohere’snopointintrying’.‘Iwouldn’tbeableforthat.Maybeinafewweeksorafewmonths’.‘I’llawaysbealone.’‘Nothingever

worksoutforme’.

Wethinkthatweareanticipatingandproblemsolvingwhenwedothis,savingourselvesfrompointlesseffortorhurtordisappointment–butactuallyWEDONOTHAVEFORTUNETELLINGSKILLS,sotheseabsolutestatementsandbeliefs,thisselftalk,cannotbetrusted–believingthesethoughtswillcauseselfsabotagingbehaviour(especiallyavoidantbehaviour),andwillstopushavingastimulatinglifewherewetakerisksandseeopportunitiesandexcitementandliveinthemoment–ratherthanviewingeverythingasanegativeandahazardtobeavoided.Consider:ifyouwerelovedupandreallyhappyinlifewouldyouhavethiskindofthinkinghabit?No,youwouldbeviewinglifethroughadifferentlens.So,itisn’t‘life’,it’syourviewofit.Isthereanyevidenceforyourthoughtandbelief?Isthereanyevidenceagainstit?Whatarethefacts?Buildawarenessofyourthoughts,andexamineandchallengethem.Review,reappraiseandreframe.Changinghowyouthinkchangeshowyoufeelwhichchangeshowyoubehave….Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:

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TheMINDREADINGhabit:

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‘HethinksI’manidiot’.‘Shewantsthebosstohateme’.‘MyhusbandthinksI’mdisgusting’.‘She’sabitch,shedidthatoutofspiteandjealousy’.‘TheinterviewerthoughtIwasspoofing’.

Ifyouwereconfidentandhappywouldyouhavethiskindofhabitwhereyouconstantlyascribenegativethoughtsandtraitstopeople?WEDONOTHAVEMINDREADINGSKILLS.Thoseareyourthoughts,nottheirs.Thoseareyourassumptions–andtheycannotberelieduponwhenwehaveanemotionalhealthdisorderandwe’refilteringlifethroughthenegativelens.Thoughtstopandreframe.Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



TheEMOTIONALREASONINGhabit:

‘Ifeelbad,thereforeitisbad’.‘Ifeelangrythereforethereisareasontobeangry’.

Actually,no,FEELINGSARENOTFACTS.Thisishugelyimportantinunderstandingandmanagingyouremotionalhealthwhenyou’reoverlyupsetoften,andhaveapatternofselfsabotagingbehaviours.Humanbeingshaveaprimal‘fightorflight’physiologicalresponsetostressandfear–releasingthestresshormonesAdrenalineandCortisol,whichpumpupourbodytohandleaphysicalthreatorpredator,eventhoughtoday'sthreatsaremostlypsychological.Thismeansourstressresponsetosituationsisnotjustemotional,it’sliterallyphysicaltoo–symptomsoffightorflightincludearacingheart,toomuchoxygen,thedigestivesystemandimmunesystemshuttingdown,veinsdilatingandcausingblushing,thebodysweatingtocoolitselfdown,andshakingandspacingoutfromanoxygenandadrenalinestimulus.Physicalpumpingupwouldbeveryhandytofightorrunfromatiger,butit’sveryunhelpfulaswetrytogoaboutthebusinessofeverydaylifeisn'tit?Ifwehaveanxietyordepression,evenlowtomoderate,wearehardwiredforfear‐andformanyofusoursystemscansimmerinfightorflightmodeinappropriatelyonandoffthroughouteachday,withusnotknowingwhatitis,justfeelingshakyandnotright.Inextremeanxietythesesymptomsescalatetoactualpanicattacks.Acceptingtheabovemeansthatifweuse‘emotionalreasoning’,ifwedependonhowwe‘feel’tointerpretsituations,wewillmisinterpretwhat'sgoingon.AdoptCBTcopingskills.Buildawarenessofyourthinkingandfeeling(bothemotionalandphysical)andbehaving.Examineit.Understandandacceptyourbodyandyourprimalcondition.Whenyoufeelshakyandupset:pause,practicedeepbreathingtoregulateyouroverloadofoxygen,considerthefactsofthesituation,andreappraiseandreframewithnewselftalk.Tellyourself'Thereisnotiger.'Youhaveananxietydisorder,yourbodyisexercisingit’sdesignflawwhenitinterpretssomethingasadangerorhazard.Itiswhatitis.Youcanhandleit.CHANGEYOURMIND,CHANGEYOURMOOD.Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:|



TheAWFULISINGhabit:

Alongqueueforlunch?‘ThisisAWFUL’.Badhairday?‘OMG,thisisAWFUL’.Friendsnapsatyou?‘She’sAWFUL’.

Thewaywetalktoourselves,ourselftalk,aboutsituationsandtheworld,themeaningandsignificanceweattachtoevents,causesourphysicalandbehaviouralresponses.Wedevelopahabitofmakingmountainsoutofmolehillswhenweuseextremelanguageinresponsetoprettybenignevents–andwhenwebelieveandtrustthis‘selftalk’–itturnsonfightorflight,andstartsaselffulfillingprophecyofaviciouscirclethatfeedsitself.(Includeotherselftalklike‘Ican’tcope’and‘Ican’tbearthis’inthishabit.)Thislanguagejustservestomaximiseyourdiscomfort.Itispossibletochallengeandchangethishabit,andtodevelopanewhabitofusinglessincendiaryandmoreappropriaterationalwordstodescribeevents:‘I’msayingeverydaynuisancethingsthathappenare‘awful’again,thisisjustabadhabitthatmakesmeoverlyupset,it’s

moretruetosaythatthisisanannoyinginconvenience.butitiswhatitisandI’llacceptanddealwithit’.‘Ahnow,I’msayingIcan’tcopeagain.That’ssillyandjustmakesthingsharder.It’smoretruetosayIcancope,butI’mnot

copingwell,andwouldpreferitifIdidn’thavetocope.I’llbeokay,it’llbeokay.”Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



TheMUSTANDSHOULDhabit:

(alsoknownasmusterbation{really},and‘demandthinking’,andinflexible‘rulesforliving)

‘IwantthereforeImusthave’.

‘Imustbethoroughlycompetentatalltimes,orelseIamincompetent’‘YoumustbehaveasIthinkyououghtto,andyoumusttreatmewithrespectandthoughtfulness,oryouareabadrotten

person’‘ThingsandconditionsmustbeasIwantthemtobe,andmustneverbetoodifficultorfrustrating,orlifeisawful.’

AlbertEllisexplainsthisas“Theideathatitishorriblewhenthingsarenotthewaywelikethemtobe……insteadoftheideathatitistoobad,thatwehadbettertrytochangeorcontrolbadconditionssothattheybecomemoresatisfactory,and,ifthatisnotpossible,wehadbettertemporarilyacceptandgracefullylumptheirexistence.”ReframeandCHANGEMUSTSTOPREFERENCES,becausetheyareillogical(whomadeusaGodoftheworld?Whereisitwritteninthestonesorstarsthatyoucancontroltherandomworldorthethoughtsandbehavioursofothers?).‘IwouldpreferitifIwereperfectandsuccessfulinallthings,butIacceptthatIamexactlywhereIamatthismoment,and

thatI’maflawedhumanbeingthat’sjustdoingmybest.IwillmakechangeswhereIcan.’‘IwouldpreferitifyoubehavedasI’dlikeyoutobehave,butIdon’tdemanditandIacceptthatyouchooseyourbehaviour

becauseofyourthoughtsandbeliefsandfeelings,andthatyouaregovernedbyyourownpriorities.’

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:



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TheBLACKANDWHITEhabit:

(also known as ‘all or nothing thinking’ and the ‘either / or fallacy’)

Thisiswhenwethinkinabsolutes.Thingsorpeopleare:Lovelyorawful..Cleverorstupid.Attractiveorunattractive.Niceorhorrible.Skinnyorfat.Happyormiserable.Successfuloraloser.Cooloranerd.Authenticorfake.(‘Always’and‘Never’featureinblackandwhiteselftalktoo.‘Thingsalwaysgowrong’,‘I’llneverbetrulyhappy’,‘she’salwayslate’,‘he’snevergoingtogrowup’….)Thingsareneverreallyaneither/or.Thereareaawholespectrumofgraysbetweenextremes,butthishabitdoesnotaccountforthat.Changethehabitbymonitoringyourselftalk,andby‘thoughtstopping’andreframingwithnewhealthyrealisticlanguageinstead:‘I’mdoingmyblackandwhitehabitheresayingshe’sahorriblepersonandthatI’llneverspeaktoheragainbecauseshedidn’tbehaveasIexpectedhertobutit’smoretruetosaythatI’msadanddisappointed,thatIthinkshe’sthoughtless’.‘It’ssillytosaymycolleagueisevil–it’smoretruetosaythatwedon’tgeton.andthatIdon’tunderstandhimand

disapproveofsomeofhisbehaviour.

Giveanexampleofhowyoumightusethishabit:


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