communicating with challenging customers
TRANSCRIPT
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COMMUNICATING WITH CHALLENGING CUSTOMERS
Presented by Flagstaff Child and Family Counseling Center Carrie Hargrave, LPC Kelli Sieczkowski, LCSW
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General Communication Skills
First understand accepted rules of good communication
– Listening – Reflection – Clarifying – I statements
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General Communication Skills
Acknowledge and Validate Emotions– Attend to emotional distress first, problem second.
Assume that the Customer has a right to be angry Don’t personalize the individuals statements Be Patient Don’t Interrupt while the person is talking/venting. Speak softly Own the problem
– Assure the customer that you will help them to find a solution.
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CHALLENGING CUSTOMERS
PEOPLE WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES INTOXICATED INDIVIDUALS TEENAGERS ANGRY PEOPLE PEOPLE WITH UNREALISTIC
EXPECTIONS OTHERS…….
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CHALLENGES
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF SERVICE
INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUES
OUR OWN PERCEPTIONS OTHERS……..
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MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES “Don’ts”
Don’t criticize, accuse, or blame Don’t assume, clarify by asking questions Don’t bring up the persons diagnosis Don’t raise your voice or attempt to
“discipline” the person Avoid sounding condescending, or talking to
person like a child
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Mental Health Issues---Don’ts
Don’t use sarcasm Avoid humor in difficult situations Never ever promise what you can’t deliver
– It may calm things now but will reduce trust in the future
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Mental Health Issues “Do’s”
Relax and stay calm Listen and make eye contact (unless person
feels threatened by eye contact) Discuss one topic at a time Acknowledge persons words and feelings
even when you don’t agree
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Mental Health Issues “Do’s”
Ask for opinions and suggestions Stick to the present issue, don’t refer to the
past Use “I” statements avoid “you” statements Use reflective listening skills “If I understand
you correctly, we need to……Is that what you are saying”
Focus on observable facts, “When you came in here…..”
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DEALING WITH INTOXICATED CUSTOMERS
Intoxicated individuals are less self reflective, do not assume they are aware of their own behavior.
Alcohol prevents one from perceiving several cues at once & engage in problem solving.
Affects memory, individuals are less able to recall previous consequences to actions.
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DEALING WITH INTOXICATED CUSTOMERS
Alcohol reduces frustration tolerance. – Speak to individual respectfully – Use empathic/reflective listening skills to
communicate that you understand. Alcohol increases the likelihood of risk taking
and aggression, do not assume you know what this person will do.
BE PREPARED TO CALL THE POLICE FOR ASSISTANCE
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TEENAGERS
WHAT DO THEY WANT? – To be treated with respect
Watch out for hooking questions using them or having them used with you
– To be approved of Validation is very important and must be
sincere
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TEENAGERS
HOW DO I DO THIS? – Same guidelines as for adults
See General Communication skills Be aware of stereotypical assumptions about
teens– Separate the teen from his peers if possible
One on One they are totally different No need to save face when they are alone with
you
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WORDS OF WISDOM
“SPEAK WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY, AND YOU’LL GIVE THE BEST SPEECH THAT YOU WILL EVER REGRET”
LAWRENCE J. PETER
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EVALUATING OUR OWN COMMUNICATION STYLE
NONCOMMUNICATION TECHNIQUES
– HOOKING QUESTIONS – ADVICE GIVING – SELF LISTENING
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AVOID HOOKING QUESTIONS
QUESTIONS THAT HAVE AN UNSPOKEN JUDGEMENT OR STATEMENT BEHIND THEM.
A SPECIFIC ANSWER IS EXPECTED – Are you trying to cause trouble? – Why do you always bother people?
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AVOID HOOKING QUESTIONS
QUESTION IS AT TIMES A CHALLENGE OR A TRAP– Is your room clean?
Parent already knows the answer, either answer from child makes him wrong
– Are you Drunk? Again answer already known, either answer
makes person wrong
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USE SOLICITING QUESTIONS OR MAKE INTENDED STATEMENTS
Soliciting questions genuinely request information . – Your activity over here is bothering the other
customers, is there something I can help you find?
Intended statements state your desire or states a fact.– I noticed you haven’t cleaned your room, I would
like to see it done by 3:00. – It looks to me like you have been drinking.
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RESPONDING TO A HOOKING QUESTION
Allow the person to finish the question before responding, they may make the statement after the question. – Is it hot in here? I am really hot
Ask the person to restate the question– I’m sorry I didn’t understand your question
could you help me understand please.
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RESPONDING TO A HOOKING QUESTION
Reflect back your understanding of the question. – Question: Why are you doing that?– Response: I get the impression you
think there is something else I should be doing.
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ALTERNATIVES FOR HOOKING QUESTIONS
HOOKING ???sWhat if…?
Would you like…?Why did you?.... What do you want for
dinner? What are you doing
Friday?
DIRECT MESSAGEMy belief, hope, prediction
is…I would like/prefer….. I don’t like it when…. I’d like….
I’d like to see you Friday.
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ALTERNATIVES TO HOOKING QUESTIONS cont.
HOOKING ???sHow’s it going…? When was the last
time…? Don’t you think….? How does this decision
conflict with the policy set at our last meeting?
DIRECT MESSAGEI want to talk to you
about… I think it is time you….I think…. I believe this decision
conflicts with the policy set at our last meeting.
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AVOID ADVICE GIVING
Places the sender in an authority role Solutions are lost Invites disagreements
– Yes but…. – Won’t work – Other discounting statements
Focus is on opinions rather than solutions
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Alternatives to advice giving
Sharing your experience– Does not suggest what others should do but what we
have done in the past and suggests what is possible in the future.
Listening Actively and Reflectively– Allows the person to get a clearer perspective on their
situation and discover their own solutions
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Broken Record Technique
Persistently sending the same message to a listener.– I am not interested in what you have to sell – I am not able to provide what you are
requesting– I will be happy to help you, if you can wait
just a minute
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Broken Record Technique
Guidelines for effective use– Limit supply of free information – Repeat the statement without raising voice
volume or adding to the statement, relies on repetition not Loudness or persuasiveness.
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Misuses of Broken Record
Avoid – Repeating hooking questions – Advice giving You should get here on timeYou should be patient
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Suggestions for minimizing misuse
See General Guidelines for Communication– Self Disclosure – Active Listening – I Statements
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DISARMING ANGER
TYPICAL/INEFFECTIVE RESPONSES– FIGHT – FLIGHT – FREEZE
TRYING TO REASON WITH THE ANGRY PERSON– TYPICALLY UNSUCCESSFUL
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DISARMING ANGER
EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUES – BROKEN RECORD – REFLECTIVE LISTENING– EMPATHETIC STATEMENT
I AM SORRY THAT HAPPENED TO YOU. LET’S SEE WHAT WE CAN DO
I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE ANGRY.
– OWNING PART OF THE PROBLEM LET ME CHECK INTO THAT
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Avoid Self Listening
Self Listening is attending to our own responses instead of what the person is saying. – This can cause misunderstanding – Distorted view of the other persons intent due to
our own emotional and physical reactions. These are fueled by irrational beliefs
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Types of Self Listening
Irrational Beliefs Rehearsal Self Criticism Making Assumptions
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Irrational Beliefs
Irrational Beliefs– I must be thoroughly
competent and achieving
Intentions – To be right – To be viewed as
competent – To get a job done – To look good – To get immediate
action and results
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Irrational Beliefs
Irrational Belief
– I must be liked or approved of
– I must be treated fairly (Fairness Doctrine)
– You must be punished
Intention– To be liked, – To be loved – To be approved of– To be respected
– To get my own way– To be treat fairly– To not be frustrated
– To punish others– To get them– To pay them back.
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Irrational Beliefs
Irrational Belief
– I must be comfortable
– I must not be frustrated
Intentions– To relieve tension – To feel good – To avoid upset – To not be frustrated
– To avoid hard work – To avoid frustration – To get immediate action
and results
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Rehearsal
Net effect we don’t hear what is being communicated because of the internal noise we generate ourselves
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Self Criticism
Verbal abuse of self– Causes more mistakes – Self punishment for errors – Similar to perfectionism – Interferes with sending and receiving messages
We can misinterpret intent of another's message as criticism
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Self Criticism
When the inner critic is quiet we will be better able to understand the communications of others.
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Making Assumptions
Listening to our own beliefs or expectations about what the person needs or wants.
Assuming we understand what they mean
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Alternatives to Self Listening
Quiet your mind & focus on the present moment
Focus on breath while you listen to others Use Active Reflective Listening
– avoids using rehearsal– Share your understanding of the other persons
statement
Use Clarifying statements
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UNREALISTIC V. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
If I’m good at my job, I should know all the answers
I will never know all the answers: an expert is a person who knows where to go to get the answers
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UNREALISTIC V. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Telling someone to calm down will help them to calm down.
Listening to someone will help them calm down.
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UNREALISTIC V. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
If there is a problem, someone did something wrong.
Anger happens, problems happen. No one is to blame
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Scenarios
What worked ?
What didn’t work ?
What would you do differently ?