Communication - Negative / Constructive Feedback

With a Positive ToneFacilitators:Wilma P. Robinson PhD & Janice M Carter

What Just Happened? What Just Happened? The Power of Your The Power of Your

WordsWordsand Toneand Tone

How Do Your Words Define How Do Your Words Define You or Do They?You or Do They?

You are not your position but you are your words

Positions define responsibilities not character

Reputation is what people think of you Character is a set of qualities that people know about you

Who shows up at the meeting?Who shows up at the meeting?

PositionReputationCharacter

STEPS FOR SHARING STEPS FOR SHARING CONSTRUCTIVE/NEGATIVE CONSTRUCTIVE/NEGATIVE FEEDBACKFEEDBACK

Preparing for the Meeting Setting the Stage for the MeetingConducting the MeetingClosing the Meeting

Preparing for the Meeting Preparing for the Meeting Gather the factsDo your homework on the material that you will

be sharing Always review information to be shared If this is an informal meeting and you do not

have a document to share, jot down key points that you want to discuss

Preparing for the Meeting Preparing for the Meeting

Employ IRS Leadership Competencies (Communication, Adaptability, Political Savvy, etc)

Prepare for the unexpected Remember the two “Fs”, Facts vs. Feelings

Setting the StageSetting the Stage

“Most people consider life a battle”. It is not a battle, it is like a skillfully orchestrated game of chess using your words as pieces on the chess board

You gain more Credibility and Respect by treating people with Dignity

Setting the StageSetting the Stage

Create an environment that is not defensive or adversarial.

“Closing the door, opens the door”Be prepared for anything –

Defensiveness, Outbursts, Negativity, Crying, etc

Always be in control of the meeting, even if it means rescheduling

Setting the StageSetting the StagePut yourself in the other person’s

position and be prepared to answer their unexpected questions. If you don’t know the answer, tell the person you will get back with them.

Control and filter personal baggage /emotions

Clear your mind of any perceptions

Perception Defined as a process for acquiring,

interpreting, selecting, and organizing sensory information (sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch).

Comes from the Latin word percepio, meaning “receiving, collecting, action of taking possession.

What do the words, “selecting” or “taking possession” mean to you?

The Answer

It Means You have Control

You are doing the selecting

You are doing the taking

You are doing the possessing

You choose what you: See, Listen to, taste,

touch and Say

Seeing, Hearing and Saying – Your Choice

Our Focus – Seeing & Hearing When you are interacting with people you can choose or select what you see and hear about them.

You can also choose to possess or take in what you have seen and heard or ….not.

Often in communication our perceptions can be skewed by our own values, experiences, biases and beliefs.

It is ok to make a negative choice as long as we are self aware enough to recognize it and choose to shift.

Dragons Our perception choices often raise up

in us and in others, fire and smoke. If fueled by nourishment it can

become the driving forces that shift our focus.

Focusing on negative actions, destructive behaviors and bringing to life a tooth and claw impulse.

An impulse to select counter productive actions instead of choosing productive and relation-building solutions.

Dragons

Approval Control

Safety

Approval

SafetySafety ApprovalApproval ControlControl

Stay out of trouble Peace at any price Winning isn’t everything – it’s the only thing

Play it safe, low profile, hides out

Fly under the radar, avoids risk

Perceives the need to criticize from a distance

Say “yes” when you want to say “no”

Avoid conflict & controversy

Perceive yourself as powerless

Take charge Needs to win Forceful,

aggressive Perceives the

need to be seen as the best

Dragons

Approval Dragon Safety Dragon Control Dragon

See conflict and controversy as unacceptable?

Avoid decision-making situations?

Easily angered, irritable or defensive in response to criticism?

Delays action until it is clear what the boss needs or wants?

Procrastinates in planning activities or making decisions?

Needs to be in charge leaving little room for others to take responsibility?

Says “yes” when you really want to say no?

Keeps a low profile and take an unforgiving posture toward yourself?

Has a tendency to make sarcastic comments to others and fears failure?

Frequently seeks advice and counsel from others before making a decision?

Avoids risk and tends to shift responsibilities up or down the organization?

Tend to beat others rather than work cooperatively

Check the Behaviors familiar to your

The Key to Dragon Taming - Awareness

Awareness can be Hard Work

First you have to recognize which dragon is breathing down your neck

Then you have to recognize how the dragon limits you

Next you must recognize the payoffs you may get by feeding/ nourishing the dragon.

What are your thoughts about dragon limitations and payoffs?

Dragon Taming Takes authentic leadership Authentic leadership is determined by the

depth of awareness you bring to choosing your actions and interactions.

Depth of awareness enables leadership practices that honor you and your values by empowering you to: Choose to recognize the dragon in you or

your perception of the dragon in others, Choose to quiet the mind to recognize the

need to reflect and breathe 3 deep breaths Choose to shift the focus from dragon

behaviors to new and more desirable behaviors.

The Main Attraction

Let’s Recap

You’ve Gathered the Facts Set the Stage Faced Perceptions and Dragons

You are now ready for the Main Attraction,

Conducting the Meeting!

Calmly address the facts and not the person’s perception of the meeting

Don’t allow the discussion to become personal

Listen attentively and don’t appear closed minded or eager to get the meeting over

Allow the employee to share their thoughts

Conducting the MeetingConducting the Meeting

Conducting the MeetingConducting the Meeting

Pay close attention to non verbal communication (i.e. body language)

Be cognizant of your tone and body language Establish and gain mutual Respect and Trust Be specific, do not speak in general terms Speak to the behavior not the person

Closing the MeetingClosing the Meeting

Ask if there are any additional issues that need to be clarified

Reach a ‘meeting of the minds” If needed, agree to disagree on some points Summarize the discussion Establish a follow up meeting, if needed Establish controls to ensure any items agreed

upon are completed as agreed upon

Tie in slides behindTie in slides behind

Ask if there are any additional issues that need to be clarified

Reach a ‘meeting of the minds” If needed, agree to disagree on some points Summarize the discussion Establish a follow up meeting, if needed Establish controls to ensure any items agreed

upon are completed as agreed upon

BORN LEARNED

GIFTS OF COMMUNICATION

Communication requires beginning at the

end All communication should begin with the end in mind. The desired end result of all communication should begin by

striving to:

improve the existing relationship

Improving Relationships = Recognizing and Embracing

Differences

earthearthfirefire

airairwaterwater

Elements of Personality Differences /Gifts

Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

Fire gifts include…

Setting and achieving goals Envisioning the future Taking charge Competing to win Setting the pace

Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

Water gifts include…

Mediating conflict Using diplomacy Encouraging, understanding others Facilitating groups Putting people at ease

Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

Earth gifts include…

Detailed planning Organizing anything Creating systems Keeping teams on track Accepting responsibility

Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

Air gifts include…

Adapting to change Improvising Writing Speaking Explaining

Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

Break into groups by Dominant Element.

fire

waterair

earth

Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

Table Group Assignment

• Creative and positive gifts that this element brings to the workplace

• What it looks like when this element gets reactive or negative

• The most challenging element (of the four) for you to understand and harmonize with

• What you need from the others to bring out your best

• What would be your bumper sticker or T-Shirt w/picture on front and statement on the back

Dharma Consulting – Leading Teams IRS

Tips and Pointers

Constructive Feedback Checklist Do’s and Don'ts

Constructive Feedback ChecklistPrior to the meeting Gather your facts Review your information prior to meeting Anticipate probable questions and answers Mentally check your perceptions of the person/situation Have a clear expectation about what you want as the outcome

During the meeting

Maintain eye contact Be honest Be prepared for anything Deflect excuses Attack the problem not the person Be clear about your expectations Summarize what you discussed and actions that resulted Take a pulse check, are you listening or are you thinking about what to say next?

After the meeting

Follow up on problems/concerns that arose during the meeting Follow through with commitments made during the meeting (for assistance etc) Document what occurred, when you held the meeting and who was in attendance. Don’t share an employees personal business with others

Do’s and Don’ts Do’s and Don’ts

Do build working/business relationships with your peers, colleagues, co workers, managers, employees, etc

Do separate personal and business Do establish a foundation of Trust Don’t squirm around the facts – this creates mistrust Don’t share employees’ personal business with

others unless there is a business need Attitude is everything – Recognize when you are

wrong, say I’m sorry Speak to others as you would have them speak to

you Listen with respect – give others time to respond Do maintain a professional tone throughout the

discussion regardless of the other person Always remember everyone deserves to be treated

with dignity and respect regardless of their educational background, title, race, creed or color

YOU ARE YOUR WORDS

Have you ever wondered why some people can handle conflict better than others;

It’s not just magic, just having mutual Respect for one another;Have you ever had to tell someone that they may be fired?Did you treat them with the same professionalism as when they

were hired?

Effectively sharing negative/constructive information is an acquired skill;

Some people never master it, thinking it is no big deal;When you find yourself in a situation like this;Employ Tact, Professionalism and Respect or you’ll surely miss;

Building relationships is also a must;Or you’ll find yourself in a situation of mistrust;While this is not a new phenomenon, “Have you heard?;I am not my position or who I know but I am my word!