composing effective personal statements

8/12/2019 Composing Effective Personal Statements

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Composing Effective Personal Statements

Table of Contents

Part 1. Introduction ................................................................................................................... 1

A. What is a Personal Statement (PS)? ................................................................................. 1

B. How is a PS distinct from other application essays?........................................................ 2

Part 2. The Components of an Effective PS ............................................................................. 3

A. An appropriate outline ..................................................................................................... 3

B. An excellent introduction ................................................................................................. 3

C. A solid body ..................................................................................................................... 4

D. An integrating conclusion ................................................................................................ 4

Part 3. Composing an Effective PS........................................................................................... 5A. Preparing and planning your essay .................................................................................. 5

i Conducting background research from related sites ................................................. 5

ii Identifying a basic idea or theme.............................................................................. 5

iii Writing an outline...6

iv Making a list of all information to be disclosed7

B. Questions a PS should answer.......................................................................................... 8

C. How do field experiences enhance your application? ...................................................... 8

D. Always consider the audience.......................................................................................... 8

E. Writing the draft ............................................................................................................... 8

i The body ................................................................................................................... 9

ii The conclusion ........................................................................................................ 11

iii The introduction...................................................................................................... 11

F. Polishing your essay ....................................................................................................... 13

i Conducting a read-through ..................................................................................... 13

ii Revising and proofreading...................................................................................... 13

Part 4. Common Errors in Composing Personal Statements .................................................. 17

Part 5. Steps to Follow to Ensure the Further Improvement of a PS...................................... 17

A. Follow a simple checklist............................................................................................ 18

B. Consult the opinions of your advisor/mentor/colleagues............................................ 18

C. Have your essay reviewed by professionals.........18


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Part 1. Introduction

A. What is a Personal Statement (PS)?

Congratulations! You are now at the forefront of another academic milestone as youplan to rise to the next level and pursue advanced studies. Whether you intend topursue graduate studies in a local school or abroad, you will have to undergo a rigidadmission process, which will require you to submit various application documents,foremost of which is the Personal Statement.

What is a PS? What type of information should it contain, and why is it a cornerstoneof your application?

In terms of content, a PS is a formal essay stating your personal and academicbackground, pertinent achievements, goals, qualities, and characteristics, whichmight help influence the decision of the admissions committee to accept you in yourschool of choice. Perhaps, the most important point we should consider is that a PSis required by most schools as their method of gauging a few important factors:

1) Obtaining a glimpse into your personality, which they cannot observe justby perusing your transcript;

2) Evaluating the way you organize your thoughts; and

3) Checking your level of English proficiency.

A PS is one of the most important components of your application because thisdocument, when written correctly, will offer your readers, namely the admissionscommittee members, a quick glance into your life story so far and which direction youplan to take. You are inviting the reader to share your experiences as you disclosewho you are as an applicant. Through your PS, you are providing them a generalpicture of your background and qualifications, knowledge of which will allow them toevaluate your suitability for admission to their school accurately.

Another important role of the PS is that it allows you to explain, although briefly,some information that may not be accurately represented by your transcript orCurriculum Vitae. For example, your GPA might be low because your school places

a cap on grades given to students belonging to your major. Another example wouldbe explaining the connection between your undergraduate major and your chosengraduate major, which might seem incongruous at first inspection. For these reasonsalone, it is extremely important that you follow a guideline in composing your ownPS.

Finally, a PS is a formal essay, and appropriate language should therefore beemployed. Care should be exercised in avoiding a range of errors that usually plaguefirst-time writers. We have included a list of these errors in the latter part of the


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booklet. Additionally, a good PS should range between 600-1000 words, unlessotherwise specified. There is strictly no limit in terms of paragraph count, but a good

rule of thumb is to have between six to eight paragraphs.

B. How is a PS dist inct f rom other appl ication essays?

There are schools that require an applicant to submit a Statement of Purposeinstead of a PS,the thrust of which is to present an applicants goals in terms of whatmajor to pursue, what research direction to take, and other specific study and careerplans, if any. Therefore, in this case, you are required to submit a similar essay butwith greater emphasis on your specific study and career plans. Most applicants areconfused with the difference between a PS and a Statement of Purpose. To help youdistinguish between the two, we have prepared the table below.

Personal Statement Statement of Purpose

Description

Utilizes various presentationtechniques ranging fromsimple narratives to morecreative approaches

Utilizes a simple narrativetechnique; more formaland more direct to thepoint

ObjectiveTo present an applicantsgeneral background

To state an applicantsspecific study and/orcareer plans

Focus

Previous life experiences

(family, education,achievement, activities,personality)

Educational background,

employment experience,and future study andcareer plans

Length Usually 600-900 words Usually 500-700 words

This is not to say, however, that a PS cannot be a Statement of Purpose and viceversa, because as you will discover in the next section, these two can actuallyoverlap depending on the outline you have created.

Meanwhile, not a few schools require a third type of application document, which is

the Question and Answer (Q and A) essay. Although this may take the form of aquasi-PS, the questions require that you answer them in a specific manner. Thisessay usually ranges from 300 to 600 words, thereby limiting the amount ofinformation that should be included. Nevertheless, Q and A essays belong to anentirely different category and will not be explained here. Instead, in the followinguseful guide, we will explain everything you need to know in creating your own PSand offer useful suggestions to help you polish your essay further.


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Part 2. The Components of an Effective PS

Having come across thousands of personal statements, we have realized an effective PS isone that is concise yet substantial, informative and interesting, andone that leaves amark on its readers. Similar to other forms of discourse, a PS should demonstrate a mainunderlying theme that will anchor the narration of details to prevent the essay from beingjust an enumeration of information. From experience, we know all applicants are capable ofpresenting their ideas in an essay, but only a few are capable of accomplishing this in anorganized manner.

Why is organization important in a PS? As wi th any essay, there is a minimumrequirementto arrange your ideas into a cohesive whole. This is the reason whyformal English divides an essay into three basic parts: an introduction, a body, and a

conclusion. So important is organization that this is the first factor we consider in composingor reviewing any essay that goes through our English language service. This is the mostelusive component yet the most useful once we master its creation. From this, all othercomponents will follow.

Below, let us identify the four core components of an effective PS:

A. An appropriate outl ine

There are several different ways to structure an essay, but the most common formatincludes an introduction, a body, and a concluding paragraph. Most applicants

believe that the more information they cram into their PS, the better their essays willturn out, and thus the greater their chances of being accepted. However, in theirattempt to do so, they simply enumerate information and do not establish transitionsbetween paragraphs, resulting in a rsum or autobiography written in prose. This iswrong. While it is true that an effective PS should be informative, keep in mind that itshould be more than a simple enumeration of relevant data such as grades, awardsreceived, and the like. A PS should be a creative presentation of details executed inan interesting and coherent manner. This is where an outline comes in. If you wish topresent more specific details such as titles of papers, awards, internship experience,and extracurricular activities, we suggest you include these facts in your CurriculumVitae instead.

B. An excellent introductionThe first goal of any PS is to generate a compelling lead and engage the readers.Start with a powerful selling point to catch the readers (usually an admission officer)eye. Given the high volume of application submissions, admission officers generallygive each personal statement a quick scan before separating the outstandingsubmissions for a more thorough reading. Therefore, it is extremely important for thepersonal statement, specifically the lead, to be compelling and unique. This meansthat your words need to be short and punchy.


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The members of an admissions committee pore over thousands of submissions on adaily basis. From these, only a handful will catch their attention from the outset. They

do not have the time to go over each of these essays, thus an essays introductionshould be arresting enough to make the readers want to continue reading on. Anexcellent introduction is therefore crucial if you wish your essay to stand out from therest. In the next section, we will present ways to achieve an excellent introductionand some samples to demonstrate these.

C. A solid body

The body of the essay is where you include all pertinent information you wish toshare with the admissions committee. This comprises the bulk of the essay andshould therefore be written well with the necessary transitions provided to ensure its

cohesion with the introduction and conclusion. Within each paragraph of the personalstatement, include details of the most impressive or relevant achievements you haveaccumulated.

The introduction and the body of the PS should be about your career andachievements. This is the area of the PS where you should demonstrate yourcapabilities and provide a compelling argument as to why you should be admitted.

For freshman applicants, a PS should reflect ones backgroundfor example, family,community, or schooland explain how this background has shaped ones dreamsand aspirations. For transfer applicants, identify the intended major. Discuss howones interest in the subject developed and describe any experiences in the field.This could include volunteer work, internships and employment, and participation instudent organizations and activities. It is important to include what has been gained

from ones involvement.

It is good to elaborate on personal qualities, talents, accomplishments, andcontributions or experiences that hold significance to you as an applicant. Youshould consider including personal qualities or accomplishments that you are proudof and include the ways these helped shape who you are.

D. An integrating conclusionFinally, the concluding section wraps up the essay neatly and reminds the reader ofits purpose. The conclusion should deftly integrate all information presented. Onemethod to ensure consistency is echoing in the conclusion the ideas presented in the

introduction. More on this will be explained in a latter section of this booklet.

The PS should always end on a positive note, and the conclusion should summarizethe body of the statement. It is important to reiterate the primary message of thepersonal statement and thank the audience for their consideration. This will leave thereader with positive images of the applicant as they put the personal statementdown.


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Part 3. Composing an Effective PS

Now that we have provided an introduction of a PSs characteristics as well as a rundown ofits basic components, let us turn our attention to the most important step in the processcomposing the PS itself. It would be unwise if you started writing without a clear direction orgoal. Personal Statements can vary in word count and style. However, what they have incommon is they comprise an attempt to explain your point of view. They should therefore beskillfully written in the sense that the information they present is clear and informative. Toachieve this end,a process of preparing, drafting, and polishing needs to be followed.

A. Preparing and p lanning your essay

i Conducting background research from related sites

This entails a visit to the Web site of your chosen school and other relevantWeb sites from which you might glean information. The main purpose ofconducting research is to ensure your essay will meet ALL the requirementsof your chosen school in terms of word count and content, and that you willbe able to zero in on the qualities they are looking for in an applicant andinclude these in your essay.

ii Identifying a basic idea or theme

Using a single basic theme is one method you can employ to guarantee youressays coherence and effectiveness. It forces you to organize your thoughts

and ideas and helps keep the essay focused. Without a theme, your essaywill simply look like a haphazard collection of facts thrown together to impressthe reader. With a main theme, the essay will have a focal point upon whichyou will develop the rest of the paragraphs.

In conceptualizing a theme, you have to consider the main question, Whatwould you like to say with your essay? For example, do you want theadmissions committee to understand your choice of major and career inrelation to your family background, or do you want to share your passion foryour chosen field and your desire to achieve excellence in it? Whichevertheme you come up with, this has to be unique to you as an applicantand should be related to your personal background, choice of major,

and choice of career. The more unique a theme is, the more interesting theessay will be. In this sense, you can capitalize on personal facts you believeare noteworthy of exposition.

Sample themes:

Passion for traveling and being fascinated with multiculturalism andglobalization;

Having received primary education abroad and the experiences gainedtherein;


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Concern for the current status of your chosen field or industry in onescountry;

Proficiency in the areas of leadership, communication, and teamcooperation as advantages;

Pursuit of excellence;

Personal qualities such as adaptability, resilience, persistence; and asense of social responsibility, or

Motivation to enhance ones knowledge and skills and the potential topursue advanced studies

iii Writing an outli ne

From the table we presented in Part 1, we mentioned that a PS normallyutilizes various presentation techniques ranging from simple narratives tomore creative approaches. With this in mind, you must first decide what type

of approach you will employ and draft an outline based on this. For the twocommon types of discourse, Narration and Exposition, here are twosuggested outlines:

Sample Outline A: Chronological Narration or Exposit ionThis is a chronological presentation of basic information on the applicant.Depending on ones preference, the amount of information on ones past andfuture can be adjusted.

1. Introduction (a quote, an interesting story, an anecdote, etc.)2.Personal/Family Background3. Academic and non-academic/co-curricular achievements while in

school (Research works undertaken, trainings attended, etc.)

4. Interest in the field5. Reason/s for choosing the school6. Plans for the future7. Conclusion

Sample Outline B: Sectional Narration or ExpositionTo minimize the difficulty of establishing transitions between paragraphs, aswell as to emphasize key points such as academic background, personality,and future plans, this second approach can be employed. To make itcreative, section headings with an underlying theme may be used. In thefollowing, ones life is likened to traveling.

Section 1: A Roadmap - A section detailing ones academic and

professional background.

Section 2: A Journey - A section detailing the steps one has takenin order to prepare for ones future.

Section 3: A Destination - A section detailing the applicants studyand career goals for the future and his overall vision in relation to hisprevious achievements and undertakings.


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If you wish to use Sample Outline A, you may want to consult this simpleinstructional outline:

IntroductionSection 2Topic sentence related to the main themeFirst supporting pointEvidenceSection 3Topic sentence that relates the above paragraph to the nextSecond supporting pointEvidenceSection 4Topic sentence that relates the above paragraph to the next

Second supporting pointEvidenceConclusionConclusion that reiterates the main theme and echoes the ideasstated in the introduction

iv Making a list of all information to be disclosed

Armed with a theme and an outline, the next step is to consider whichaspects of your personal background and experiences can be shared inrelation to this theme. To fully present all the information you want included, itis imperative you gather them and make a list from which you will be able toback up the thesis statements you will compose later on. Creating a listallows you to identify which information is important (e.g., why I chose thismajor) and which information should be considered optional in relation to yourtheme. Keep in mind that all information should be related to the main themeand should serve to substantiate the theme and not deviate from it.

The goal of a PS is to present usefulinformation, thus all or just a little of theinformation listed below should typically be included in a PS:

A brief educational background; The reasons for choosing your major, what interests you about your

chosen subject, and the details of what you have read about thesubject;

The career plans you have laid out upon completion of the program;

Employment experience, voluntary work done, particularly if it is relevantto the subject, and the skills and experiences gained from theseactivities;

Any involvement in enrichment activities such as special trainings orcamps, and

Extracurricular activities, social, sports, or leisure interests.

To further aid you in the task of identifying important information for inclusion,consider the following:


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B. Questions a PS should answer* What positive characteristics do you possess (e.g., honest, compassionate, loyal)?* What skills do you have (e.g., analytical, communication, organizational)?* How have you changed or grown over the years? What challenges have you faced

and overcome, and how have they made you more mature?* What makes you unique? What sets you apart from other applicants?* Why should the admissions committee consider you?* How have past experiences impacted your life? Can you relate these experiences

to your goals?* What are your study and career goals?

C. How do field experiences enhance your application?* What internships and/or jobs have you had in the past?* What have you learned from your internship and/or job experiences? What skills

have you acquired through your internship and/or job?* How are your internship and/or job experiences related to your field of interest?

Have your internship and/or job experiences prepared you for your future career?* Have you been involved in any social services? How has the experience

contributed to your growth, and how are these experiences related to your goals?* What extracurricular activities have you participated in and how do they contribute

to your professional goals?

D. Always consider the audience* Who will be reading the personal statement?* How can the essay be more compelling to the readers?* Why are you applying to this program?* Why are you applying to this institution?* How will attending this graduate school help you grow as an individual and prepare

you for your career goals?* What do you have to offer the graduate program? Why should a faculty member

take you under his supervision?

E. Writing the draftNow that you have identified a theme, prepared an outline, and created a list of allthe information you need, you can integrate them into an essay. This is the time tothresh out the ideas you have listed and combine them into manageable paragraphsthat can be revised and re-revised later on. Whenwriting your draft, a very importantthing to consider is to write first and edit later. Do not worry about word count limitat this point, as you might prematurely edit your essay and unwittingly removeinteresting or important information.


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To help you begin the writing phase, it is advantageous to split the writing task intothree parts: the body, the conclusion, and the introduction. You can do so

chronologically or follow your own sequence depending on your personal preferenceand style.

Here are five important tips to consider when composing your draft:1. Do not include information that does not support and complement your theme.2. Do not try to impress your reader with your vocabulary.3. Do not launch into a lengthy discussion explaining your low GPA or test scores.

Instead, try to focus on more positive experiences.4. Do not invent information, exaggerate, or make things up.5. Do not be afraid to start over if the draft you produce is not satisfactory.

i The body

To compose the body, go back to your theme and identify the major ideasthat could support that theme (which has now become your main thesisstatement). Each point should be supported by specific evidence, examples,or arguments. Quantify your achievements and use clear, positive language.Write about unique personal information because this is what the evaluationscommittee wants to read.Continue brainstorming. Write the topic sentencefor your first body paragraph. Make sure it provides a focus for yourparagraph and is not overly general. Do the same for the other bodyparagraphs. To generate interest, try searching for examples related to theliterature (direct quotes, paraphrasing, etc.) that you can use in your first bodyparagraph.

In the samples below, notice how the first sentences establish the idea for therest of the paragraph:

Example 1:This program complements and enhances the knowledge and experiences Ihave gained in the past. My passion for this allowed me to understand theintimate relationship between culture and the arts. From a practicalperspective, it is my desire to possess an organic and holistic understandingof the many forms of art in our industry. Your interdisciplinary program allowsstudents to utilize a broad range of analytical tools from sociology, history,and cultural studies, and draw on the teaching, research, and professionalexpertise offered by the school. This is one of the most important reasonswhy I chose xxxx College.

Example 2:As the team leader, I ensured my teammates diverse talents were used toour advantage. My approach was to initiate group discussions to examineour understanding of the entire project. This effectively led to the generationof improved ideas. Furthermore, motivating my teammates proved essentialin the accomplishment of tasks. Overall, my experiences provided relevantinsights into finance and management, and more importantly, lessons inteam work.


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Use your outline as guide and present the information in full sentences thatflow logically from one to the next. After writing down all your points, arrange

these points such that they smoothly follow one section after another. In thesamples below, notice how the paragraphs are composed of sentences thatflow smoothly from one to the other:

Example 1:My recent academic and work experience, including my view on theinevitable importance of Law in society, further strengthened my resolve topursue advanced studies in the field. Particularly, I wish to study at theUniversity of xxxxx, a renowned academic institution providing among thebest programs in the region. Similarly, its location at the heart of xxxx, knownas a world-class financial and trading center, brings the opportunity to dealwith people from diverse cultures, allowing me to develop my skills and

learning attitudes in dynamic situations.

Example 2:It might seem incongruous at first, yet I should point out the special linkexisting between my undergraduate major and the program I am applying for.In my few years of studying, internship, and employment in xxx, I realizedthere are limited areas that co-exist smoothly with our daily lives quite asintimately and as importantly as finance and marketing. In a dynamic modernmarket economy, economic units constantly deal with other financialinstitutions using currency as the medium of exchange, and it is marketingthat hastens this exchange. This inescapable part of our daily rituals comesto mind as I define my choice of specialization.

Next, write your concluding statements for each paragraph. Note that itshould clearly state the point you are trying to make and lead it into your nextbody paragraph. Use concrete examples from your life experiences tosupport your theme and distinguish yourself from other applicants.

In the samples below, examine how the last sentences conclude theparagraphs effectively and transition smoothly onto the next:

Example 1:Engaging in research, I was an active participant in practical projects. Theseallowed me to apply and enhance the knowledge I have acquired. Amongothers, I was a Project Assistant for the xxxx Laboratory, and a bronze and

gold medalist for the xxxx Cup National Undergraduate Electronic DesignContest and the xxxx Intel Cup Undergraduate Electronic Design Contest -Embedded System Design Invitational Contest, respectively; I was alsoemployed as a part-time Software Engineer for the University ComputerCenter. However, enriching as these achievements may have been, I realizethe necessity to engage in further studies in my quest to constantly improvemyself. My purpose was to test the validity of my previously acquiredknowledge and seek better methods to contribute relevant research in myfield of interest.


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Example 2:To obtain the necessary skills and specialization entails years of studying

and training in the proper school. Therefore, I enrolled in the University ofxxxxx, which graced me with the opportunity to build a solid foundation inbusiness while allowing me to enroll in modules that enhanced myknowledge in accounting and finance. A deep comparison of my career goalsand my educational background led me to realize the amount of training I stillneed. This is in accordance with my goal of becoming a qualified financialmanager who can contribute to the development of the field of Finance inChina. This awareness led me to the realization that achieving my goalsentails a pursuit of higher learning.

ii The conclusion

Afterwards, go over your draft and try to summarize your points. Do notsuddenly introduce any new information in this section; read through the bodyof your paragraph again and base your concluding paragraph from it. Youneed to reiterate all the points you made in the body and briefly relate them toyour theme to show how they are all connected. More importantly, theconclusion should reiterate your main theme and tie up to the introduction toneatly sum up your essay.

Example 1: My intensive and extensive networking will facilitate and benefitbilateral business and the academic interaction between these two countries,and I am determined to improve the trade relationship between them. As Idesire to bridge the existing technology and trade gap, I am certain xxxxx is

the best venue for me to achieve this goal.

Example 2:Once I have gained adequate training and expertise in the fieldof finance, I will return to my country to be of service to my fellowmen. In theprocess, I will be in a position to aid people in being free from the questionsof life. This, after all, is the essence of financial management, and this iswhat I aim to achieve.

Example 3: Ultimately, I am a person who never backs down from achallenge, and undertaking advanced study and research in AppliedChemistry certainly counts as a challenge. I am capable of facing up to thechallenges this field offers, and I am certain my theoretical foundation andmy ample communication skills will aid me in my quest.

iii The introduction

This may sound strange but saving the introduction for last is moreadvantageous than it may seem. Having written the body and theconclusion, you are now in the best position to tell the reader, as creativelyas possible, what they are reading into. In the introduction, explain yourthesis statement and how you are going to affirm it without being too


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specific. Do not use typical introductions such as"This essay is about..." or"The topic of this essay is..." or "I will now show that..." It is not only boring

but also uncreative.

Example: I grew up in a small quaint town near the city of xxxxx in China.For neighbors who are generally laid back, one could imagine that the dreamof working for an Information Technology company, which I have aspired ofachieving since childhood, is considered an astounding feat.

Instead, say:In the small town of xxxx where I grew up, life is generally laid back. Theaspiration to gain employment from an Information Technology company,which I have nurtured since childhood, is considered an astounding feat.

One approach is to begin with an interesting statement, then follow it with abrief overview of your main theme.

Example: In her historic speech addressed to the US Congress in 1943,Madame Chiang Kai Shek said, The term hands and feet is often used inChina to signify the relationship between brothers. Since internationalinterdependence is now so universally recognized, can we not also say thatall nations should become members of one corporate body?This statement,made 65 years ago, embodied the general principle students of InternationalAffairs such as myself embrace and uphold in our respective endeavors.

Be creative with your introductory paragraph. Another approach to make itunique is to use personal information that distinguishes you from the restand makes the essay stand out from others.

Example: As a Munchu, I have heard many stories of the Qing Dynastyfrom my great grandmother. These imbibed a sense of attachment to myhome country and my culture, and although my rich educational journey hasbeen interesting and multicultural, I find myself looking back at my roots witha desire to study further.

Another approach is to use a fact or a literary concept, which is relevant toyour theme. Paraphrase it or use a direct quote, and add in whatever pointyou are trying to make.

Example 1:To paraphrase Einstein, creativity and vision are just as crucialas arming oneself with the proper tools and hypotheses. This is why I now

seek to pursue advanced studies in a well-renowned academic institutionwhich, as I interact with fellow students from all over the world, will ignite thecreative spark to set me off on an academic and professional journey.

Example 2:

Signals are so rich and complex that a single analysis method cannot servethem all.

-Yves Meyer, Wavelets: Algorithms and Applications


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My academic interest is signal processing, in which as Mr. Meyer has said,there are almost as many algorithm analysis methods as there are signals.

This truism may sound discouraging to some, yet it is this notion that attractsme to the subject. The diversity of knowledge and methodologies involved insignal processing has introduced me to various interdisciplinary applicationsas well as encouraged me to approach problems from different perspectives.

As much as you would like to present a good introduction, do not fall into thetrap of making hasty generalizations, sweeping statements, and/or otherpronunciations. Keep the tone light and personal. After all, you are tellingyour own story.

F. Polishing your essay

After going through the steps above, you now have in your hands a working draft ofyour essay. Definitely, however, it is not yet in its best form. At this point, somesections may sound illogical or incongruous with the rest. The entire essay may notbe as coherent as you wish it to be, or it may be plagued by too many paragraphscontaining three or four sentences. Do not be disheartened, for this is the time thatyou enter the next phase and begin polishing your essay.

i Conducting a read-through

A read-through is extremely important. It allows you to step back and

examine the points you have made and their relation to the theme and theentire essay. For example, you might discover a certain section that did nothelp at all in supporting your main theme, or some details that could be betterplaced in the CV instead. Some even prefer to read their essay aloud or haveit read to them so that they can spot lapses or gaps in coherence.

ii Revising and proofreading

Upon examining your essay and discovering a few unwanted elements orgrammatical mistakes, it is now time to start revising it. First, search forgrammatical mistakes and spelling errors. The prompts in most MS Windows

programs help you identify these (green squiggles for grammatical mistakesand red squiggles for spelling errors). As long as they do not appear underproper names, it is safe to modify them. However, do not rely exclusively onyour computer for spell checks. Go over each word on your own.

Often, the first draft is not the essay you originally envisioned. You mighteven discover that your ideas about your theme have changed as you havebeen writing. If you do not like the way certain sections are stated, re-arrangethem. Once you are pleased with the body, make sure the conclusion and


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introduction still match it and complement the way you see your topic at thispoint. If not, rewrite them to fit the essay you did write and the way you see

your topic now.

After grammar and spelling, the next problem that needs be checked istransition. Read your essay. Go through it from end to end, and check tosee if your essay flows smoothly. Does each sentence flow smoothly to thenext? Does each paragraph flow logically to the next? Each statementshould be connected or somehow related to the one before it, not thrownrandomly together. Notice how key words were added in the sample belowto strengthen coherence.

From:

I have worked hard in my major, but did not neglect to explore the possibilities inrelated fields. I have been especially attracted by the opportunities inbioengineering, since polymer has many applications in biotechnology. The basicunits of all living organisms are proteins and nuclear acidi.e. bio-macromolecules. So I have become much more focused on the interfaces betweenpolymer science and biology. I have participated in several related researchprograms in this area. I have worked on grafting hydrophilic chains onto bio-degradable polylactide, investigated biomimetic polymers, and done research intothe uses of egg membranes. These projects exposed me to many innovative waysof thinking and provided me with invaluable experience in solving complexbiological problems by applying polymer science on a micro scale.

You can re-write it to the following:

Although I have worked hard in my major, I nevertheless did not neglect to explore

related fields. I have been especially attracted by the opportunities inbioengineering because polymer has many applications in biotechnology. Thebasic units of all living organisms are proteins and nuclear acid, that is, bio-macromolecules, so I have therefore focused on the interfaces between polymerscience and biology. To aid my exploration, I have participated in several relatedresearch programs in this area and have worked on grafting hydrophilic chainsonto bio-degradable polylactide, investigating biomimetic polymers, and conductingresearch into the uses of egg membranes. In all, these projects exposed me toinnovative ways of thinking and provided me with invaluable experience in solvingcomplex biological problems by applying polymer science on a micro scale.

Next, limit the use of I in the beginning of most sentences as it is alreadyobvious that the essay is a piece written by an individual.

For example, instead of saying:I am one of those whom my town folks consider as fortunate for havingparents who are professionals.

Try re-writing it into the following:Acquaintances would consider me fortunate for having parents who areprofessionals.


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Another problem often discovered at this stage is the presence of too manyshort sentences and paragraphs that seem choppy and abrupt. As asolution, try to develop these into longer, more graceful sentences. Formalwriting generally utilizes longer sentences, so try using more compoundand complex sentences. Using long sentences add flavor and variety toyour writing, not to mention the fact that it also showcases your proficiencywith words.

For example, instead of saying:

My university education and subsequent work experience provided me withthe necessary knowledge and proper perspective a rigorous graduateprogram will require. I obtained a degree in xxxxxx from xxxxx University.Choosing this major allowed me to fully understand the system of educationin China and its current status. This fact was further driven home during myteaching practice. To complete the requirements of my course, I participatedin a teaching internship in a high school in xxx for two months. I taughtInformation Technology and handled the day-to-day issues of a class. Myexperiences during this period allowed me to realize the students educationwas inflexible and suffered from lack of innovation. For example, I frequentlyhad to remind them what to do next, because the students did not possessthe initiative to learn and were concerned only with scores. As well, Iobserved that the management in the school was lagging, which wasunfortunate, considering that xxx is a well-developed city in China.

Try re-writing it into the following:

My education and employment experience provided me the necessary

knowledge and proper perspective a rigorous graduate program requires.Choosing xxx as my major allowed me to fully understand xxxs educationsystem and its current status, a fact that was further driven home during myteaching practice. To complete the requirements of my course, I participatedin a two-month teaching internship in a high school in xxxx during which Itaught Information Technology and handled the day-to-day issues of a class.My experiences allowed me to realize how students education was inflexibleand suffered from lack of innovation, such as when I constantly remindedthem what to do next because they did not possess the initiative to learn andwere concerned only with scores. At the same time, I observed that themanagement in the school was lagging, which was unfortunate consideringthat xxx is a well-developed city in xxx.

You can also consider the word-count limit at this time and begin omittingunnecessary details that may only bog down your essay and make itunfocused. How can information be condensed while keeping the essenceand maintaining the relevance of the essay? Take a look at the followingexamples:

Instead of saying:


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Part 4. Common Errors in Composing Personal Statements

The following lists some of the more common errors in most compositions:

Inappropriate use of punctuations such as excessive commas, and incorrectplacement of apostrophes and quotation marks, colons, and semi-colons. When indoubt, consult a basic style guide to check your usage.

Contractions.Contractions dramatically reduce the formality of your composition.Use the more formal cannot, would not, or should not, instead of cant,

wont, or shouldnt.

Slang and common colloquial words and expressions.Words and phrases likea lot, aint, got, big, for sure, gonna, sort of, kinda, and the like shouldnever be used.

Clichs. These make your writing informal and unintentionally funny. However,when employed correctly, they can actually help add variety to your essay.

Repetitive use of words such as (likewise, thus, and the like). Keep athesaurus handy so that you can vary your language. However, do not use bigwords just to impress the reader.

Vagueness. This may lead to open interpretation that does not express your ideasas well as more precise words would. "A few" or "enough" can often be replaced bya word that is more precise. Phrases such as these will only leave the readerconfused. Make your claims clearer and justified.

For example, instead of saying, I supported the change process or I assisted infinancial planning for the company, try re-writing these into, The position involvedanalyzing previous financial performance to identify areas for future improvement,and preparing budgets to ensure sound financial planning.

Part 5. Steps to Follow to Ensure the Further Improvementof a PS

Once you have produced an essay by going through the steps enumerated above, you canimprove it further by going through this last section for added measure. These will help youcheck for final errors.


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