Conflict ManagementConflict ManagementSolving the PuzzleSolving the Puzzle

Communication ProblemsCommunication Problems

You may not be talking to each other Trying to impress Trying to trip other side

You may not be hearing each other Thinking of what you want to say next Other distractions Not understanding their language

Words are easily misunderstood “A Problem Well Defined is a Problem Half Solved” Assuming that what is important to you is important to

everyone

You may not be talking to each other Trying to impress Trying to trip other side

You may not be hearing each other Thinking of what you want to say next Other distractions Not understanding their language

Words are easily misunderstood “A Problem Well Defined is a Problem Half Solved” Assuming that what is important to you is important to

everyone

PerceptionsPerceptions

Remember: Your perceptions can be as inaccurate as you perceive their perceptions

to be.

I know you think you understood what you thought I said, but what you don’t

understand is that what you heard was not what I meant to say!

Remember: Your perceptions can be as inaccurate as you perceive their perceptions

to be.

I know you think you understood what you thought I said, but what you don’t

understand is that what you heard was not what I meant to say!

Conflict Builds with Unsatisfied Needs

Conflict Builds with Unsatisfied Needs

Conflict is the result of: Incompatible needs and wants Limited consumable resources (time and goods) Differences in ideals or opinions

Childhood Examples: There is one cookie remaining. Two children want it. Johnny wants to play but mom says it is nap time. Two children want to push the button on the elevator.

Conflict is the result of: Incompatible needs and wants Limited consumable resources (time and goods) Differences in ideals or opinions

Childhood Examples: There is one cookie remaining. Two children want it. Johnny wants to play but mom says it is nap time. Two children want to push the button on the elevator.

Conflict Builds with Unsatisfied Needs

Conflict Builds with Unsatisfied Needs

Conflict can arise between Individuals Departments (intra-company) Institutions (between companies) Nations Ethnic Groups Congregations Neighbors Rival Schools Etc…

Conflict can arise between Individuals Departments (intra-company) Institutions (between companies) Nations Ethnic Groups Congregations Neighbors Rival Schools Etc…

The Language of ConflictThe Language of Conflict

How does our society represent conflict through language?

Group Exercise: Look for examples of conflict (battle imagery, boxing metaphors). List sayings that express “common wisdom” about conflict (“If you’re not a winner, you’re a loser.” “There are two sides to every argument.”). Compare popular television shows dealing with controversy ( Face-Off, Hard Ball, Survivor, NFL).

Discuss: What beliefs about conflict do these examples represent and perpetuate?

Belief Scale: List some common beliefs about conflict (conflicts lead to fights, the world is made up of the haves and the have not). Discuss where these beliefs come from.

Antecedents to ConflictAntecedents to Conflict

Ambiguous jurisdiction – Who’s in charge? Who has final say?

Conflict of interest – Competition for limited resources Communication barriers – Time, space, terminology,

physical, etc. Over-dependency on one party – … for resources, input,

task accomplishment, etc. Differentiation within the organization – levels of authority,

types of tasks Association of the parties – Leads to more opportunities for

conflict; however, major conflict incidents decrease Need for consensus – Escalation when all must agree Behavior regulations – Potential for differing

interpretations Unresolved prior conflicts – Build-up can lead to explosion;

underscores need to resolve each as they arise

Resolution ModesResolution Modes Withdrawal. Retreating or withdrawing from an

actual or potential disagreement. Smoothing. De-emphasizing or avoiding areas of

difference and emphasizing areas of agreement. Compromising. Bargaining and searching for

solutions that bring some degree of satisfaction to the parties in a dispute. Characterized by a “give-and-take” attitude.

Forcing. Exerting one’s viewpoint at the potential expense of another. Often characterized by competitiveness and a win-lose situation.

Confrontation. Facing the conflict directly, which involves a problem-solving approach whereby affected parties work through their disagreements.

Resolution ProceduresResolution ProceduresPausing and thinking before reactingBuilding trustTrying to understand the conflict

motivesListening to all involved partiesMaintaining a give-and-take attitudeEducating others tactfully on your

viewsBeing willing to say when you were

wrong

Methods Offer AlternativesMethods Offer Alternatives

IndependentResolution

Mediation Intervention Prevention

Effective Negotiation Resolves Conflict

Effective Negotiation Resolves Conflict

Positional Negotiations result in win-loose settlements Feuding parties stand firm to their position Individuals become the center of the feud – “You” Conflict continues until one side surrenders

Results Loser may be demoralized, upset, angry, seek revenge Winner may become more stubborn

Positional Negotiations result in win-loose settlements Feuding parties stand firm to their position Individuals become the center of the feud – “You” Conflict continues until one side surrenders

Results Loser may be demoralized, upset, angry, seek revenge Winner may become more stubborn

Ineffective EffectivePositional

NegotiationsPrincipled

Negotiations

Effective Negotiation Resolves Conflict

Effective Negotiation Resolves Conflict

Principled Negotiations result in win-win agreements Focus on the problem, not individuals Focus on the interests of parties involved, not positions Focus on creative resolutions Ensure that the outcome provides mutual gain

Results Both sides win because both are enriched and improved Working relationships are strengthened

Principled Negotiations result in win-win agreements Focus on the problem, not individuals Focus on the interests of parties involved, not positions Focus on creative resolutions Ensure that the outcome provides mutual gain

Results Both sides win because both are enriched and improved Working relationships are strengthened

Ineffective EffectivePositional

NegotiationsPrincipled

Negotiations

Intervention Diffuses the Conflict

Intervention Diffuses the Conflict

Conflicts require intervention as a last measure when:Individuals are stubbornEmotions are running too highThe conflict produces negative side-effectsBodily or material harm becomes a possibility

Conflicts require intervention as a last measure when:Individuals are stubbornEmotions are running too highThe conflict produces negative side-effectsBodily or material harm becomes a possibility

Why Learn Negotiation?Why Learn Negotiation?

Negotiation is a critical business skillNearly everyone negotiatesVery few are really good at itEffective negotiators are more productiveThe skill will set you apart from the

competitionAs a skill, you need to WANT to do itAs a skill, you must practiceAs a skill, you will be able to reduce

conflict

Negotiation is a critical business skillNearly everyone negotiatesVery few are really good at itEffective negotiators are more productiveThe skill will set you apart from the

competitionAs a skill, you need to WANT to do itAs a skill, you must practiceAs a skill, you will be able to reduce

conflict

Negotiation Life CycleNegotiation Life Cycle

Account/Opportunity

Research/

Qualification

Proposal Close

If you wait until now,

it’s too late!

Negotiate

Negotiation Life CycleNegotiation Life Cycle

Account Research/

QualificationOpportunity/

Proposal Close

Negotiate Deal

Move the negotiation dial to the beginning

Identify negotiating value elements Deal structuring

Negotiation PlanningNegotiation Planning Define your own goals, your opponent’s goals the ones

you share and the conflict. • Define your strategy and tactics. • Gather the facts• Perform a complete price/cost analysis Define the things you are willing to trade and their value

to your opponent. Do the same for the other side: what might they offer you and how much is it worth to you.

Define your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement).

Realize that you are not weaker or stronger than your opponents.

Get every prospect and customer to say "No one ever asked me that before."

Always enter negotiations with your ethics and character intact

Always leave negotiations with your ethics and character intact

Define your own goals, your opponent’s goals the ones you share and the conflict.

• Define your strategy and tactics. • Gather the facts• Perform a complete price/cost analysis Define the things you are willing to trade and their value

to your opponent. Do the same for the other side: what might they offer you and how much is it worth to you.

Define your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement).

Realize that you are not weaker or stronger than your opponents.

Get every prospect and customer to say "No one ever asked me that before."

Always enter negotiations with your ethics and character intact

Always leave negotiations with your ethics and character intact

The Third SideThe Third SideWilliam L. Ury William L. Ury

"When spider webs unite, they can halt even a lion."

African Proverb

"When spider webs unite, they can halt even a lion."

African Proverb

So much depends on our ability to handle our conflicts peacefully - our happiness at home, our performance at work, and the livability of our communities.

The Third Side is the community - us - in action protecting our most precious interests in safety and well-being. Each of our individual actions is like a single spider web, fragile perhaps but, when united with others, capable of halting the lion of war. Although the Third Side is in its infancy in our modern-day societies, it has been used effectively by simpler cultures for millennia to reduce violence and promote dialogue.

What is the Third Side?What is the Third Side?

The Third Side is a way of looking at the conflicts around us not just from one side or the other but from the larger perspective of the surrounding community.

Taking the Third Side means Seeking to understand both sides of the

conflict Encouraging a process of cooperative

negotiation Supporting a wise solution - one that fairly

meets the essential needs of both sides and the community You can have natural sympathies for one side or the other and still choose to take the Third Side.

The Challenge

What will it take to transform

Destructive conflict into…

Constructive conflict?

Two Sides of the Conflict

Side 1 Side 2

Side 3

The Third Side of the Conflict

Side 1 Side 2

Outsiders( managers, peers, neutrals, bystanders)

Who is the Third Side?

1Insiders

(parties themselves)Side 1 Side 21

Conflict ExerciseConflict Exercise

This exercise is designed to give you an opportunity to tell others about your experiences resolving conflict constructively. By sharing a personal story about how you helped deal with a conflict constructively you are also explaining how you have acted as Thirdsiders without even knowing it.

Briefly explain a conflict that you helped deal with constructively – whether it friends, a family member, a coworker, etc…

You should present a scenario, describing the context and parties involved, and then shift to how things ultimately were constructively managed.

What Will It Take?

A Mobilized Community

Acting Systematically

Motivated by a New Story

A Mobilized Community

Everyone is a

Thirdsider

Acting Systematically

Focus on

Prevention

Resolution

Containment

Escalation of Conflict

Latent Tensions

Overt Conflict

Power Struggle

Destructive Violence

Why Conflict Escalates

Latent Tensions

Overt Conflict

Power Struggle

Destructive Violence

Frustrated needs

Poor skills

Weak relationships

Why Conflict Escalates

Latent Tensions

Overt Conflict

Power Struggle

Destructive Violence

Conflicting interests

Disputed rights

Unequal power

Injured relationships

Why Conflict Escalates

Latent Tensions

Overt Conflict

Power Struggle

Destructive Violence

No attention

No limitation

No protection

Catching Conflict Before it Escalates

Prevent

Resolve

ContainPower

Struggle

Overt Conflict

Latent Tensions

Destructive Violence

Fighting is ...

Preventable

Coexistence for 99%

It is human choice

There is the Third Side

Inevitable

We have always fought

It is human nature

There is no other way

ReferencesReferences

http://www.managementhelp.org/intrpsnl/basics.htm

http://www2.ctic.purdue.edu/KYW/Brochures/ManageConflict.html

http://www.ncte.org/profdev/online/ideas/116456.htm

http://www.thirdside.org/tools.cfm