conflict resolution participant guide

Successful Conflict ResolutionParticipant Guide

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Berney Associates

Presented by Dr. Liz Berney

Conflict Resolution Skills

To learn how to diagnose conflictTo learn key tactics for conflict managementTo practice active listening & giving/receiving

feedbackTo identify & learn to manage your “hot

buttons”To apply tactics to your organizational

challenges


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Agenda

Jumpstart StorytellingDiagnosing Conflict/CasesKey Conflict TenetsActive Listening/FeedbackConflict/Negotiation Style ProfileHot Buttons/Amygdala Hijack!Managing ResistancePractice CasesActions for Development


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Conflict Defined =

When two or more parties attempting to come to agreement, perceive that they have irresolvable needs, interests and/or goals


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Jumpstart Storytelling

Think of a conflict you have experienced at work or at home in your life that was resolved and from which you learned a great deal.

Tell a 90 second story describing the conflict, how it was resolved and what you learned


Small Group Themes

What Themes did you notice (across people) about:

1.Nature of the Conflicts?2.How Conflict was Resolved? 3.Learnings?


Why Conflict is Necessary

Tuckman Model

FormingStormingPerformingNorming


Stage I: Forming

FORMING: What are our tasks?

How will they be accomplished?How will I contribute to this group?Will group members accept me?How much will I have to compromise?


Stage II: Storming

STORMING:

Who has the most influence?Who is in charge?How can I influence this group? How will we manage conflict?


Stage III: Norming

NORMING:

How will the work get done?What are the explicit and implicit ground

rules?What are the procedures for getting the

work done?How will we make decisions?


Stage IV: Performing

PERFORMING: Group is performing effectivelyGroup members are satisfied with group’s

progressIndividuals have clear sense of group

strengths and areas of developmentGroup members are able to work through

group problems


Diagnosing Conflict in Groups: Nadler Model

Goals: The What

Roles & Responsibilities: The WhoProcedures & Policies: The How

Interpersonal Relations: The How we relate


Causes for Conflict: Case 1

Team of specialists are working together on a project. They are getting stuck continuously around how a particular issue should be addressed. They can’t seem to agree on who gets to do the more interesting components nor on what procedures to use to accomplish the overall project. It is beginning to feel like a bunch of personalities that don’t mesh. The team leader is not present at the meeting.

What is your best guess for what is causing the

conflict, using the Nadler model.



You have been asking your staff person to get a particular project in to you every day now since it was due last week. She says that you have given her so much work that she cannot get to it. You tell her it is a top priority and it needs to be done immediately.

This has been a continual pattern with her and you are not sure how to handle it because she is very competent and you don’t want to lose her.

What may be causing the problem? How might you be contributing to the problem?



You and a colleague from a different department are collaborating on an important inter-departmental decision. You are locked in a win-lose battle where neither of you will budget. Each wants what is best for his/her department and both view the desired resources as part of a zero sum game.

What is contributing to the problem? How can it be reframed?


Interests Vs. Positions

Position: End Result (What You “Have to Have”)

Interests: Why You Have to Have it


Getting to Interests

What is important to you?

What about that is critical for you?

Why is it important?

What do you hope to achieve?

What will you use it for?


Brainstorming

Einstein: Can’t solve problem at same level of consciousness at which it is created

Follow Rules Sit through LullsSeparate Inventing from Deciding Balance Judgers and Perceivers/MBTI


Key Tactics

Getting to Interests (Empathy, Curiosity)Separating Inventing from Deciding

(Open to New Ideas and Processes)Soft on the people, hard on the problem

(Firm and Friendly)Reframing a “Third” Way (Creating Win-

Wins)Going to the Balcony (Manage Hot

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Firm and Friendly

Hard on the Problem: Must Meet Your Interests

Soft on People: Listen, Empathize, Be Curious, Be Respectful


Reframing: Finding a Third Way

Tendency to think in 2’s:Yes/NoBlack/WhitePossible/Not Possible

Tendency for Assumptions to Run the Show

However, Research on Interests shows……


Going to the Balcony

How do you identify Amygdala Hijack?

Strategies for Amygdala Hijack

-- John Gottman -- Change Field of Energy -- Reflect


Film: “From No to Yes”

Listen Actively

Show they you understand

that they feel stronglywhat they feel strongly aboutwhy they feel strongly about it

And PAUSE to let them respond


“From No to Yes”

Win Yourself a Hearing:

Explain your own feelings Refer back to their points State your points firmly, but stay friendly


“From No to Yes”

Work to a Joint Solution

Seek their ideasBuild on their ideasOffer your ideasConstruct the solution from everyone’s needs


Active Listening Tenets

Note your listening objectivesSuspend judgment; be curiousResist distractionsClarify/paraphrase before respondingSeek central themesShow interest non-verballyAsk open-ended questionsDon’t try to solve!


Active Listening Exercise

Identify one challenge at work you are experiencing related to conflict. You can either be part of the conflict or not.

You will have five minutes to discuss your challenge while your partner practices active listening.


Feedback for Conflict Management

Describe the behavior which led to your feedback

Be specific rather than generalShare how behavior impacted youGive it as soon after behavior as possibleCheck for understandingAsk for what you want


Your Feedback Stretch

Think of someone at home or at work to whom you need to give feedback

Following the protocol, create a script for the feedback

Identify your concerns (specifically) about giving the feedback


Negotiation Style Inventory (Glaser & Glaser)

AccommodateBuild

Friendly

Relationships.

Collaborate Creatively

problem-solve

so both parties

win.

Take

whatever

you can get.

Withdraw

Be a winner at

any cost.

Defeat

Con

cern

for

Rel

atio

nshi

p

Concern for Substance

Low Moderate High

High

Mod

LowC4 C1

C2C3

CompromiseSplit the difference

C5


Style Definitions: Defeat: C1

Defeat/Win-Lose:

Defeat the party at any cost

When to Use: High degree of concern for the substance of the conflict and low degree of concern for the relationship.


Style Definitions: Collaborate: C2

Collaborate/Win-Win:

Work to build win-win outcome.

When to Use: High degree of concern for both the substance of the conflict and the relationship


Style Definitions: Accommodate: C3

Accommodate:

Accommodate to the other party’s need.

When to Use: High degree of concern for the relationship, low degree of concern for the substance of the conflict.


Style Definitions: Withdraw: C4

Withdraw/Avoid

Withdraw and remove oneself.

When to Use: Low concern for both the substance of the conflict and relationship with others.


Style Definitions: Compromise: C5

Compromise

Find an acceptable agreement.

When to Use: Moderate degree of concern for substance and relationship


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Amygdala Hijack!

What behaviors drive you most crazy?

How and when do you act this way?

What strategies give you calm & perspective?


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Dealing with Resistance

Move INTO it with curiosity and empathy

Manage your Amygdala

Ask/Listen for Feelings then Facts

Reflect what you hear back with empathy and without judgment

Let go of your need to control!


Your Conflicts at Work

What are typical challenges you experience at work?

Which are most difficult for you in managing?

What, in particular, makes these hard to manage for you?


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My Plan

What about conflict management is most challenging for me?

What one strategy could I employ to help me with managing conflict?

What goal can I set to meet? By when?


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