conflict resolution ralph whalen & parents october 2, 2009
TRANSCRIPT
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Conflict Resolution
Ralph Whalen & ParentsOctober 2, 2009
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Goals for the Meeting
Parents will learn one idea that will help them with conflict resolution.
Parents will connect with each other.
We will learn from each other.
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Meeting FormatConflict examples
TQ: Examples and questions
Grade 4 guidance
TQ: What has worked for you when your kids come to you?
Conflicts at home
Family meetings
DQ: Could you adapt this?
General questions and handouts
9:40 Evaluation
Next meeting
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Kids’ Conflicts in 2009Home
Bro calls me namesSis annoys meBro takes my thingsS/he mad when I use his/her things“I was here first”Disagree where to eatDisagree what to eatMom says “no”
Playground
Other team unfairGoal or notNot want to be “it”Disagree with leaderPeople not let me playEveryone wants to be leader
Other Places
Teased about nameTeased about how I lookGossiped aboutSomeone cuts in lineDisagree with a friend
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Conflicts Kids See in 2009Playground
Two kids argue
Argue goal or not
Friend teased
Who gets soccer nets
Bully pick on my friend
Heard, “I don’t want to be your friend”
Home
2 brothers fight over computer
Cousins fight about what
to do
Parents disagree
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Examples of Conflict Introduce yourself
What examples of conflict have you seen regarding your children?
What questions do you want answered?
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Conflict Reaction OptionsPassive Give In You win, I lose
Aggressive Get your way I win, You lose.
Assertive Stand up for your rights, but think of rights of others I win, You win.
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Video Clip
Just the Two of Us
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Solving a Conflict
Quiet Down
Quiet Place
Talk and Listen
Use “I” Messages
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“I” Message
I feel ________
When/Because __
I would like _____
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How We Handle School Conflicts
Listen to the feeling
Help develop options
Give hope, have faith
Get kids together maybe
Check back
If serious, VLP
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Child Reports Conflict to YouListen to the feeling
Have faith in your child to work it out
Contact the teacher or counselor maybe
DON’T call the other child’s parent
Monitor (but not daily)
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Group Question
What has worked for you when your child comes home talking about a conflict?
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Sibling Conflict Levels
Level 1 Normal bickering
Level 2 Adult intervention helpful
Level 3 Possibly dangerous
Level 4 Definitely dangerous
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Sibling Conflicts: Key Points
Sibling shenanigans
Kids learn important skills
Need to learn to share parents
Equal vs. fair
Various reasons
How to tell if you're Mom's favorite
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Sibling Conflict: What To Do
Get kids calm
Don’t take sides
Teach
Model
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Parent/Child ConflictsQuiet down
Talk later
Family meeting
Choose your battles
Not = relationship
Reasonable expectations
Disrespect vs. frustration
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Major Conflicts
When to get help
Conflict disorders
See someone at TAS
Community Service Center
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Group Question
What has helped you in solving conflicts that happen at home?
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What Is a Family Meeting?
Regular time together
Celebrate (catch being good)
Talk about family business
Build memories
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Why Have Family Meetings? Provides a set time to discuss important business
Time when everyone is calm
Provides stability & connects the family
Provides leadership opportunities
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Family Meetings: Nuts and Bolts
Regular agreed upon schedule
Agenda posted
Rotate leadership
Everyone share success & challengeCelebrate with food
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Family Meetings: Parts
Feel Good About, Compliments
Bothering Me, Low Point
Agenda, Including Calendar
Celebrate, Money
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Reducing Number of Conflicts
Set boundaries & have rules
Own toys, own space, own time
Anticipate problems
Teach eldest
Don’t compare kids
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Discussion Question
Have you ever been involved in family meetings?
What do you think would work for your family?
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General Questions & Handouts
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Additional Resources
Siblings Without Rivalry
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen
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Book Group Option
Book is Ordered
Room is reserved
Space is limited
Let me know what day does not work for you
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Next Seminars/ Announcements
Social Skills: Tuesday, Oct. 6
Please complete the evaluation