connection mastery manual

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© Copyright 2010-2011 Larry Benet, Connection Mastery Institute Inc. All Rights Reserved.

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Confidential Business Information ………………………………………………………………………………………………This documentation is proprietary information of Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. and is not to be copied, reproduced, lent or disposed of, nor used for any purpose other than that for which it is specifically provided without the written permission of Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. Prepared By: Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. All rights reserved. The unauthorized possession, use, reproduction, distribution, display or disclosure of this material or the information contained herein is prohibited. In preparing and providing this publication, Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. is not rendering legal, accounting, or other similar professional services. Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. makes no claims that an institution's use of this publication or the materials for which it is provided will insure compliance with applicable federal or state laws, rules, or regulations. Each organization should seek legal, accounting and other similar professional services from competent providers of the organization's own choosing. Connection Mastery Institute, Inc., the Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. logo , and the Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. Banner, are trademarks or registered trademarks of Connection Mastery Institute, Inc. or its subsidiaries in the U.S. and other countries. All other trade names are trademarks or registered trademarks of their respective holders.

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Table of Contents The First Magic Question ............................................................................................. 5 Connection Defined ...................................................................................................... 9 You are a VC – a Value Creator ............................................................................... 12

The Importance of Follow-Up ................................................................................ 15 The Traits of a Master Connector ....................................................................... 18

Credibility ................................................................................................................. 19 Trustworthiness ....................................................................................................... 23 Reliability ................................................................................................................. 26 Being a Great Listener ........................................................................................... 31 Mindset .................................................................................................................... 32 Mindset .................................................................................................................... 32

The 10 Day Challenge ........................................................................................ 34 Preparedness .......................................................................................................... 35 Action Oriented ....................................................................................................... 38 Memorability ............................................................................................................ 41 Persistence .............................................................................................................. 46 The Memory of an Elephant .................................................................................. 51

Becoming a POI ........................................................................................................ 61 One Connection Away ............................................................................................... 68 Building a Network vs. Creating a Connection .................................................. 71

Creating Balanced Partnerships ............................................................................. 74 Finding Complimentary Skills ............................................................................ 76 Finding the Perfect Clients ................................................................................. 77

Appraising Your Network ........................................................................................... 82 Ways to Organize your Relationships ................................................................... 84 The Connectivity Worksheet ................................................................................ 100

The Power of Giving ................................................................................................. 101 Magic Questions ....................................................................................................... 113 Mistakes to Avoid ................................................................................................... 130 Playing the Bigger Game ......................................................................................... 146 Earning Access ........................................................................................................ 161

Social Media .......................................................................................................... 174 Gaining Access ......................................................................................................... 179 Appendix 1 – Connectivity Worksheet .................................................................... 187 Appendix 2 – 21 Days of Connectivity .................................................................... 212 Appendix 3 – The Social Networking Survival Guide ............................................ 221 About Larry Benet ..................................................................................................... 234

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The First Magic Question

I will never forget the first time I heard THE magic question: The question that would change the direction of my business and my adventures. My journey for self-discovery led me to seek out new courses of study, new mentors, and new challenges. During this time, I decided to attend an event presented by a group that had brought in Donald Trump as a speaker. I was even more excited about the event when I was asked by a good friend to ask Trump a question. I pondered what exactly I would ask someone like him: a business tycoon, an expert in his field, a man of vast experience. The funny part is, for all of my diligence and preparation, it wasn’t my question that changed my life. No, it was the question the guy after me asked that changed my life and altered its direction:

Question: “Mr. Trump, what would you do if you lost all of your money?” Donald Trump: “I will be rich. That is all that there is to it. Next question.”

His clear and confident answer rang through my ears. “I will be rich. Next question.”

That was my light bulb moment. That was it - I knew I needed to do exactly what it is I had always done so well. I needed to go out and build relationships, to build connections. Building connections with people is an integral part of who I

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am. it has always come naturally to me. In that moment, I knew that is exactly what I need to spend all of my time doing. I knew I could build relationships with anyone. Just as Trump knew that he would always be rich, I knew that I could always connect to and build a relationship with anyone, anyone in the world.

Soon, I was able to prove that very belief and make it

manifest. Not 60 days after my conversation with Donald Trump, I had the privilege of meeting Mr. Richard Branson at a charity event. In a very brief five-minute conversation, I was able to obtain his private e-mail address. Not his assistant’s e-mail, not his office e-mail, but his actual personal, private e-mail. That little five-minute meeting would lead to follow-up meetings, breakfast, dinners, and a combining of forces to support a charity we both believe in.

Here is one of the first e-mails between us, early in our

relationship, which laid the groundwork for our connection. Notice that I had not only begun to assist him with his charity, I had also started connecting him to people who could advance the projects that were dear to him. I didn’t wait. I didn’t wait to become a VC for one of the most influential men in the world.

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Over the years, I have had the honor and privilege of

connecting to many powerful public figures and global influencers – the leaders and the doers. My network is deep and continues to grow. My circle of influence expands as I expand my horizons and journey toward new successes and new adventures. I have an amazing life today. I have the life that I’ve always wanted. And the people I want in my life are in my life today!

Can you say the same for yourself today? Can you say that you are one phone call away from getting what you need and want out of life? Chances are – not YET. That is what my course is about. That is what you came to me for. And THAT is what I am going to teach you. I am going to pass on to you the secrets of my success and the secrets of Connection Mastery.

Let me tell you upfront that this is so much easier than you ever expected. It is so fundamental to who we are as social creatures and your connection success will come naturally and easily once you implement the methods and practices that I am going to demonstrate for you.

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Connection Defined Webster’s defines connection as “a relation of personal

intimacy.”

Now this very simple definition contains two very specific and very critical elements – the personal and intimacy.

Let me ask you a very fundamental question: What is the one thing that makes the world turn? What makes projects move forward? What turns an unknown teenager into a pop sensation? What brings wars to an end? What is it that makes people fall in love, have babies, and keep the human race going?

Connections

True connections allow people to not only communicate with each other but to touch each other, affect each other, and integrate each other into their lives. When you connect with a person, you are sharing a part of your life with them. It is not just about talking to them. It’s about knowing what they need in their lives and about being able to step back and understand who they are, where they’re coming from, and where they want to go.

When you meet someone, you may know their name and contact information. But when you CONNECT with someone, you KNOW something about them. You are seeking to integrate

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them into your inner circle. It is the personal and intimate nature of interpersonal connections that ensures that people who master connections - rather than contacts - will propel themselves and those within their circles forward faster and will more effectively reach their goals.

Now I am sure that you have attended a networking event at one time or another. The truth is that we all network each and every day, but networking events are those special occasions where we are very purposefully dedicated to meeting and interacting with a specific group of people.

Traditional networking mastery would tell you to fill your pockets full of business cards and get ready to trade contact information with as many people as you can at the event. You have been taught to speak to as many people as you can and bring home as much data as possible. I am going to tell you right now that it is NOT enough to exchange information. It is not enough to bring home business cards. What you must do in order to be truly successful is make connections and bring home relationships.

Of course, these connections will take time to grow and you will not walk out of events with a slew of new best friends. However, you should leave with much more than a name and an e-mail address. What you must take away from that first meeting is some piece of who they are. What are they seeking? What are they working on? What is their biggest goal at the moment?

If you walk away with this information, you will be able to not only follow up with them but also set in motion a series

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of follow-ups that will allow you to connect with the people you truly want to bring into your inner circle.

Most people have contacts, which Webster’s defines as a “union or junction of surfaces.” But you want more than surface-level communication. You want to connect.

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You Are a VC – a Value Creator How is it that you are going to move from being a great

networker toward being a great connector? The answer is simple: you must become a Value Creator. You must become a great VC.

Now the traditional use of the term “VC” refers to venture capitalist, one who “funds” a project or a company. A venture capitalist gives an entity the funding it needs to progress toward its goals and aspirations. A VC provides the money to fund the venture.

Well, a value creator really isn’t all that much different. But instead of providing funds, you are providing resources from within your network. This is why it is so imperative that you seek to obtain more than just contact information during your interactions with people. You need to learn about what is important to them.

Why? Because if you know what is important to them, you can add value to their lives. It is a natural consequence of social interaction that we gravitate toward people who add value to our lives. If you want to be significant enough that someone will remember you and reach out to you, then offer value to them first.

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The Connection Mindset: Focus on GIVING AND ADDING VALUE to those in your life.

While it is standard practice in networking environments to exchange ideas, goods, and services, this is not an effective way to approach a new relationship. The truth is that if you focus on giving instead of receiving, you will have more of what you want coming your way.

When someone explains their goals to you, the first thing that you should do is concentrate on what value you can offer.

While value may seem like an abstract term, it is actually

very concrete. Webster’s defines value as “a fair return or equivalent in goods, services, or money for something exchanged.” So when you are speaking with a new person that you wish to connect with, GIVE FIRST. In doing so, you set the stage to allow that person to give back to you. What you will likely find is that you will receive more in return than what you would have thought of as “equivalent.”

Now, how do you know WHAT to offer someone you wish to connect with? Well, you will know once you determine what it is that they hold dear. This course will teach you how to do just that. The crucial point in this section is to shift the way you approach each and every conversation. Instead of waiting for your turn to explain what it is you want to obtain from the person you are talking to, concentrate on what it is you can give them.

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Let’s take a look at an example that everyone can relate to. All of us have had the experience of walking into a store and having a salesperson approach and tell us about the specials that day or ask us if they can help us “find anything.” Most of us react by saying that we’re “just looking,” then avoiding the salespeople as they gawk from afar.

Now think back to a time when you did not avoid the salesperson. Think about a time when a salesperson was able to assist you in finding what you were looking for. Chances are, he or she was able to assist you because the conversation started differently. I am willing to bet that instead of being told what was on sale, you were asked a question along the lines of “What is it that you’re looking for today?” or “Is there something in particular you are looking for?” What a world of difference those questions make.

Instead of prompting you to look at what the store has highlighted, the salesperson seeks to obtain from you what you want and, in doing so, is able to take you right to it. They eliminate the additional noise and focus right in on the sound you want to hear. This is the mark of a solid salesperson and the mark of a great VC. In this case, the salesperson added value to your life by saving you the time and effort of searching through the store. They simply present you with exactly what you’re looking for.

This is the exact way you need to approach relationships that you want to turn into connections. You need to stop and determine what it the people that you are connecting with desire and then help nudge them toward it. This may take the form of you introducing them to someone in a particular field

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or someone with information they require. You may have a plethora of things to offer a new connection but you will never know what you have that is most valuable to them until you are able to ascertain what it is they want.

When you walk into a conversation with the purpose of determining what it is the person desires and hold on to the intention of helping them obtain it, you are moving out of the realm of traditional and ineffective “networking” and moving into Connection Mastery.

The Importance of Follow-Up

Let me make a very important point at this juncture: There is something that is very critical to your success, no matter what business you are in or what level of success you are at.

Follow Up!!

Don’t waste the information that has been shared with you and don’t waste another person’s time. If you say that you are going to do something, do it. If you take the time to sit down with someone and learn about what is important to them, follow up as soon as you can and let them know that you remember what they shared with you. More importantly, let them know that helping them obtain what is important to them

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is very important to you. This is the first step to ensuring a solid relationship.

Follow up as soon as you can. The trick to remember with this is that the follow-up does not have to be elaborate, it just has to be meaningful. You can find the time to send a text letting the person know that you will be in touch soon. Point out something that you discussed and let them know that you are going to find one way or another of taking action on a topic that you shared.

The faster you follow up, the faster you let the person know that you are intent on creating a solid relationship. Don’t waste time. Don’t wait until the next day at the office. Don’t do what everyone else from the event is doing. Follow up immediately and personally.

For example, I travel to many different events and it is

not unusual for me to run across new speakers and authors as I travel. I make it a point to share with them the opportunities that my Speakers and Authors Networking Group (SANG) holds for them. It is an amazing yearly get-together for the most established and connected professionals from both the speaking and authoring worlds. So when I meet someone who is an appropriate fit for the group, I make sure to follow up with them as soon as possible to reinforce my connection with them and to invite them to come and check out SANG. I make sure to get a text or a letter out to them as soon as I can.

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The Traits of a Master Connector Now I am sure that many of you have read the book

“The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” It is easy to see that there are common traits to all successful people. Being an exceptional connector is no different. What is it that separates those who have deeply rooted relationships from those who do not? What is it that puts some people in a speed dial slot while others never make it into a cell phone? What is it that separates you from all of the other people vying for the attention of a person of significance?

The answer lies in a set of common traits. People who connect with those around them easily stand out in a crowd because they offer something extra: value. So how can you spot a real VC? Easy! Look for the following traits. When you find them all encapsulated within a single person, you have found a master connector. A Master Connector is … 1. Credible 2. Trustworthy 3. Reliable 4. A great listener 5. A master of the right mindset 6. Prepared 7. Action-oriented and decisive 8. Memorable 9. Persistent 10. Personal and sentimental

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Credibility

While no one is certain if it was Frank Outlaw or someone else who first spoke the following words, we are certain that the words themselves ring true:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Watch your words, for they become your actions. Watch your actions, for they become your habits. Watch your habits, for they become your character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

Character is a choice. Choose wisely.

It is a choice that we make each and every day. Who we are - and who others see us as - is not the result of one given moment, but of the culmination of moments in our life. If you seek to be a person of significance, of importance, of success, then mind your character.

This may seem like advice your mother gave you as a child. Well, your mother was right. If you want to be taken seriously, then ensure that you are someone who is well respected.

The news media was very quick to carry story after story during the fall of Tiger Woods in 2009. I am sure that there is not a single person reading this book who is unaware of the

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personal problems that Tiger faced so very publicly. Why did Tiger’s personal life become such an issue? Why is it that Tiger went from being one of the most sought after sports figures for endorsements to losing endorsement deal after endorsement deal? Why did Gillette and Gatorade pull advertisements bearing his likeness? Why did they drop him as quickly as they could? The answer is that his character came into question.

Tiger’s personal decisions did not affect his golf game.

He was - and still is - one of the greatest golf players of all time. He is still a savvy businessman and a top competitor. However, his actions caused people to question who he was as a person.

The truth is that Nike, Gillette, and TAG Heuer were not paying large sums of money to Tiger Woods solely based on his golfing ability. No, they were paying for the use of his image and persona. Before his extramarital affairs were made public, Tiger was seen as an all-American golden boy in the eyes of practically everyone. He was not only a prime athlete, he was a reliable business partner and a loving husband and father. When news of his indiscretions broke, the core of who he was came into question.

Your mother likely told you that “you are judged by the friends you keep.” She was also right about this. This is why major corporations spent massive amounts of cash in order to stand next to Tiger Woods for many years. He was considered good company. He was considered upstanding. Their opinions on his personal affairs didn’t matter, nor did the issue of whether or not they should have become primetime news.

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Paying top dollar to have Tiger Woods represent their brands was no longer worth the investment.

While many of us will never have to face public scrutiny or suffer huge financial hits if we make a mistake in our personal lives, his story illustrates vividly just how important character is to the people who will choose to do business with you and who will allow you into their inner circles.

When presenting yourself to other people, it is important to be genuine. There is no need to exaggerate your accomplishments or embellish the successes that you enjoy. Be proud of what you have done and don’t be shy to talk about it. Be aware of the fact that when you tell people about who you are and what you have done, they may indeed do some research on you when they choose to do business with you. The world really is a small place and you will find that relationships overlap more often than not. As such, make sure that what you tell others coincides with what they will hear about you from your mutual connections. Be who you are and be proud of it.

The second part to understanding the importance of interconnected relationships is that you should be very aware of the fact that people will be talking about you when you are not in the room. So give them amazing things to say.

When you practice the habits of giving to others on a regular basis and adding value to the people that you want to meet, you will find that this is the very thing that people will say about you, whether you are in or out of the room.

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Be someone that has integrity. Be someone that has depth. Be the person that others want their names associated with. You may not be seeking a Nike endorsement but you do want others to be proud to put their names next to yours.

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Trustworthiness

Master connectors are trustworthy. They are known experts in their fields. People depend on them for information; their opinions matter.

Being trustworthy as a Connection Master is more than just a good handshake. It is more than saying that you are honest. Rather, what it means is that you are credible.

Trustworthiness in this sense means that you are knowledgeable and that when you deliver an opinion, it is not arbitrarily contrived. Your opinion is based on your analysis of information synthesized through your experience.

Short of a long-term relationship in which the other person has the opportunity to see your consistent pattern of integrity, how do you establish trustworthiness? The answer is simple and it is called “transference of authority.” This phrase refers to the concept that others will trust you because people they already trust already trust you. It takes a long time to establish a relationship in which people see and experience trustworthiness from you. So use the ones that you already have in place.

Get people to talk about you! Get people to talk about how you add value to their lives. Gather testimonials because nothing says you can be trusted than past results.

Of course, it would be far from smooth to drop a list of people willing to give you a glowing review during the first

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conversations with someone you want to connect with. But what you can do is find out what mutual friends you have and share that information with them. If they are interested in getting to know you (and they will when you implement the lessons you will learn in this course!), you will see them reach out to your mutual relationships to talk about you. So go and find out you who you might know in common.

Additionally, there are other little tricks that you can use. Make sure you have a section on your web site or blog that shows testimonials from your past clients and business partners. Drop a link to that page in your email footer. When someone is just getting to know you and is looking for more information on you, they will use any information that they can. Make it easy for them to find out who you are and make it come from a mouth that is not your own. Testimonials are a brilliant way to allow other people to see you from the eyes of other people just like them.

Another great way to build a trustworthy reputation in your field is to point new connections toward blogs you post on or clubs that you belong to. Again, remember that association is everything. Provide new connections with sources they can use to learn more about you and who you are. Show them who already believes in you and your chances of having them reach that same level of trust just quadrupled!

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Reliability

Master Connectors are reliable people – period!

You should always be where you are say you are going to be and do what you say you are going to do. It is a sad truth of our current era that reliability has become more rare than not. If you want to stand out in business, be someone that can be depended upon.

I want you to take a moment and think to yourself who you would call right now if I told you that you were about to be handed all of the tools and supplies you needed to successfully implement your most important business plan for the coming year, BUT you are not allowed to utilize any of these resources yourself. You must pick 3 people to run the entire project for you. Think about who you would call in the next 5 minutes.

I guarantee you that the 3 people you are thinking about calling are the 3 most reliable people you know that have the knowledge to pull off your project. Why would you choose a reliable person? Because, you, like everyone else, seeks out people that they can depend on. When it matters most, we call upon those whom we can depend on.

Sometimes, it is the little things that demonstrate right away that you are a reliable person. If you are running 10 minutes late, call and let the person waiting for you know that you are delayed. If you are on a conference call that is running late, send a text to the person in your next call slot if

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you absolutely cannot disconnect yourself from the call that you are on. Simply put, let people know when things change. It is rarely an issue if you are proactive in communication.

Now, there is another aspect to reliability that might not seem apparent to you at first, but it is critical to your success. Here it is – Be your fresh for each person.

What does this mean? It means that people are relying on you to be at your best for them. One of the worst connection mistakes you can make is to not demonstrate to someone that they are important to you. And, you demonstrate importance by being “present” for them. Being “present” is much more than showing up in physical proximity or on a phone call with someone. It goes beyond showing up. Being present means that you are focused on the interaction and you are devoting your attention and your mind to what is occurring right then and there.

We all have bad days. We all also have times where we might not feel 100%. What do you do when you feel this way, but need to continue connection actions?

The answer is that you should not proceed with your connection until such time as you are ready. No matter what has happened in your day, the next person that you interact with deserves your full attention and your full presence. So, if you need to take a break – do so.

There are many days where I need to make 10-20 calls in a row. This can be very demanding on my not just physically, but mentally. However, the people that I am

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connecting with not only deserve my attention, but are also people who I personally desire to give my time and attention to. So, I have a few different tips and tricks which I utilize to re-energize and refocus myself when I start to feel myself getting tired.

I keep reminders of my purpose and my goals around

me. A good example of this is one that has gained popularity over the last few years. Bracelets. Many various organizations today have bracelets which they sell or distribute which carries a message or meaning about their purpose. The intent of the bracelet is to remind the person on a consistent basis of the message of the organization. The first popular example of this are the Lance Armstrong “Live Strong” bracelets that originated as a personal reminder of the fact that cancer can be overcome and that rather than focusing on the fear of dying, people should focus on living strong. The wrist is

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a good spot on which to place a reminder because it is a part of the body that you look at frequently.

A necklace would not be as effective since you would have to look into the mirror to see it. That said, how can a bracelet or other object help you in resetting yourself to stay fresh for your next connection meeting? Well, a reminder about your bigger purpose can help you overcome those moments of fatigue. If you realize that every action you take leads you either closer to or further away from your big goals, then you can give your next actions that attention and focus they deserve. The call you are about to make is not just another call. It is you taking another step toward your goals and you need to make each step count. Find whatever reminder works best for you, and place it where you can see it frequently.

Breathing exercises also help me refocus myself on the task at hand. It is amazing what a few minutes of taking deep breaths can do for your energy levels. We often are running at such a fast pace that we feel as though there is not time to slow down. However, the last thing that you want to do is to show anyone that you are trying to rush through your time with them. Do not let the day overwhelm you. When you are getting tired, take a minute to sit quietly and just breath. You will find that the influx of oxygen will do wonders for your concentration.

Stretches! If you need more than just air to refresh you, take a few minutes to do some stretching. Stretching is a great way to relieve tension and get your circulation going.

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Here is a trick that kindergarten teachers have been using for years – take a quick nap. 20 minutes is the perfect amount of time. It is ample time to rest your eyes and reset your mind, but not long enough for you to fall into a deep sleep. It is better than a cup of coffee and gets you ready for your next powerful conversation.

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Being a Great Listener

You have two ears and one mouth. Mind the proportion, and use them accordingly.

Too many people do not engage in true conversation. Rather than listening, they are simply awaiting their turn to speak. Do not be one of those people. The one simple act of remaining quiet and truly paying attention to what someone is trying to tell you will make all of the difference in the world of your communications. People are telling you what they want and need in their lives, which is the critical information you need to help them move toward their goals. So, just sit back and use your ears and you will have all the data you need to make a solid connection.

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Mindset

Everything, I repeat, everything, begins in the mind. Whether or not you realize it, your mindset and your attitude toward the things in your life affects exactly what you are brining into it.

The Law of Attraction in it’s simplest state explains that what you focus on expands. Hence, focus on adding value to others and your ability to do so will expand. Do not get distracted with negative things, or on the things that you wish you had. Instead, focus on the amazing things that you do have and see what it is you want your future to be in the most real and vivid manner. See yourself reaching your goals. See yourself prosperous and happy. See yourself as you know you will be in 5 years. If you do this, and do it with precise clarity and real concentration, you will find yourself pleasantly content the day you realize that everything that you were seeking has actually materialized into your life.

For the purposes of this course, what you need to focus on and expand is your ability to connect with others. As we have discussed, this is the result of adding value to others. So, focus your attention and your efforts on doing just that. See yourself adding incredible value to those around you, you’re your thoughts become your action, and watch the amazing abundance of good that comes back to you. What does focusing on giving and adding value demonstrate about you as a person?

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First, it demonstrates that you are someone who is focused on building long-term deep relationships. Demonstrating this intention has become more and more important in recent years. With the dramatic influx of email communications and various other contact methods, the personal touches of yesterday have become less frequent. To stand out, you must return to basics. Focus on giving personally to others and you will see your relationships deepen.

Secondly, it demonstrates that you are a person who believes in an abundance mentality. Having an abundance mentality means that you believe that there is enough of the good things in life to go around. It means that you are not worried about keeping your resources and your tools for yourself. It means that you understand that success is not scarce, and that by working together, we are all destined for even greater things.

Thirdly, it demonstrates that you are laser focused on your success and the success of those around you. By focusing your energy on helping others obtain their goals, you are consistently sending the message that you are someone who is set upon improving the lives of those around you. This demonstration draws people closer to you. Think about it. Don’t we all want to have people in our lives who are positive and who add value to our lives? Absolutely, so keep your mind focused on doing just that and your ability to do so will expand in pace with the depth of your connections to the people of value you seek to being into your life.

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The 10 Day Challenge

Now, I know that there are many of you out there who may not yet have felt the positively powerful impact of positive thinking. Too often, we focus on what is wrong or what we do not want to have enter our lives. The result of this natural tendency to evaluate and focus on what we do not want, actually has the effect of bringing more of it into our live. So, stop it!

I am going to present you with a challenge that will change not only the nature of the relationships that you have today, but the state of your entire life. I challenge you to monitor your thoughts very closely starting now.

For the next 10 days, watch what you think. Frame your thoughts in positive tones. When you notice that you have a negative or placid thought – reframe the mental focus you have on that particular topic to be positive and vibrant in nature. Do not be wishy-washy. Be direct. Be precise. Be affirmative.

Here is a trick that I use to help myself in this regard. Write down what you want. Have it with you at all times. If a symbolic item such as a bracelet does not bring to mind all of the concrete goals you carry, then keep a list. Keep your list with you at all times. When you start to feel negative energy creeping toward you, pull out that list and reset your mind to focus on the things that you do want.

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Preparedness “Success always comes when preparation meets opportunity” – Henry Hartman Remember earlier in this manual when we were discussing

the importance of follow-up? Well, now let me show you just how it is you are going to take that follow-up to a whole new level.

What if instead of just sending over a “It was very nice to meet you” text, you were able to follow up with the person and immediately provide them with something of value to them. What if you were able to start your giving right away? That is move of a powerful connector.

What is important to note, is that your ability to do so means that you must be prepared in advance to offer this value. To accomplish this task, you must be organized in advance. In this day and age, the speed with which you can access information is more than critical – it is the lifeblood of your business. As such, it is imperative that you organize the data, tools and resources that you have in a manner which allows you to access the information quickly and easily. While the task of organizing your tools and information may seem daunting at first, you will find that it is an easy habit to develop and one that shows its value immediately.

I would like to share with you now, a strategy that I have used time and time again. It’s simple and something each

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and every one of you should do – categorize and file your emails.

Yes, it is that simple. Go to your inbox and create individual folders for specific topics, or for specific people. Store the data in a manner which makes sense to you. Your initial sorting of the data may take you a bit of time, but when you get into the habit of doing this every day, you will see that it will take you no more than 20 minutes a day.

Let me show you a concrete example of how this very trick has allowed me to add value to the lives of others. In every industry, there is going to be some set of information that is very difficult to come by. There is going to be some set of data that everyone wants and may be either difficult to locate or cumbersome to develop. In the book business, this is very true of book proposals.

Book proposals can take a great deal of time and energy to produce. Those who do put them together really would like to get them out into circulation not only because of their desire to get a book deal done, but also because the work that they put into it should create as much value for them as possible. I know this to be true, although book authoring is not my business. That said, my line of business does mean that I do, on occasion, receive book proposals from authors. As soon as I respond appropriately to the person who sent me the book proposal, I file them in a folder called “Book Proposals” in my inbox. I always know where they are and can get to the data quickly from wherever I am.

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Just the other day, I was on the phone with Randy Garn who runs the Prosper Corporation. Randy does publish books and educational materials. Randy is a person who can take a book proposal and turn it into an actual project. Knowing this, I took a mere 90 seconds out of my day ad included the book proposals of a few of my friends in an email to Randy immediately after our call. It took no time at all for me to make that happen. In the process, I put some great new book prospects in front of Randy and was able to help people in my network move closer to their goals of getting their book published.

Now that we have covered what it is you should be doing to be prepared to assist others in obtaining what they need, let us spend some time talking about another aspect of preparedness – You being prepared to discuss what it is you need and you are seeking.

Expect immediate reciprocation and be ready when it presents itself to you. When you ask others to tell you about what is important to them and what they are focused on accomplishing, expect that they will ask the same of you. Knowing that this will take place, be prepared with a concise and direct answer. Know in advance what is most important to you and know what it is you still need to make that happen. Don’t be shy. Share your needs with those you are connecting with. When you are prepared and able to communicate effectively, what you need will come to you.

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Action Oriented

Master connectors are action oriented and decisive. They do not simply talk about connecting other people to those who can help them meet their goals, they do it and they do it immediately. When you are speaking with someone and you are able to quickly identify information or a personal contact of your own that will be of value to them, make the connection for them right away! Do it in the moment.

Here is an example of how I did just that. I had just met Ron Seaver, the coordinator of the National Sports Forum (where all of the executives from professional sports teams get together to share best practices and network with one another), when we were speaking at the same event. I knew right away that Ron was someone that I wanted to connect to.

I recalled from our communications that he was hosting an event for 800 people from his industry, while coordinating the support of over 50 sponsors on his advisory board. Communication is critical to tackling a task this large. I quickly realized that sharing ideas with him about how to keep in touch with the people on his team would add value to him and help him accomplish his task. As soon as this thought occurred to me, I sent the email below. In the email I not only explained the value of utilizing send-out cards as a method of contact, but I also connected him directly to someone in the organization and offered him a quick and easy way to get started. I did more than just offer him an idea, I offered him a means to implement the idea immediately. The important thing to note from the example in this section, is

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that I did it immediately. As soon as the idea hit me, I put it into action.

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My immediate action did many things:

It showed that I did more than speak to him, I listened to his needs.

It demonstrated that I was sincere in my efforts to helping him accomplish his goal of pulling off a stellar event.

It grounded our relationship in a common connection with it’s reference to the promoter that had brought us together.

It gave him a specific action to take in order to move forward in a task that was beneficial to him.

It also communicated to him that I was here to assist him with anything that he might need. A point which is validated by the fact that the offer comes to him during a communication which is already adding value to him and assisting him to move toward his goal.

Be decisive and take immediate action right away.

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Memorability

Master connectors are memorable. They do things that make them stand out. This is imperative given the number of social each and every once of us has each day. We cannot possibly remember every person that we meet. Take a moment right now to think of 3 or more situations where you have forgotten the name of a person you met within an hour of meeting them.

Now, before you go beating yourself up profusely, realize that this isn’t just the product of a poor memory on your part. It is also the product of the fact that they did not ensure that they stood out to you. They did not make themselves memorable.

Before I share some of my own techniques with you, let me share with you a technique that a woman named Mary Miller used on me. This tactic was very effective and is a fantastic example of how a very simple act set her apart and embedded her in my memory.

I met Mary Miller at a networking event where I was speaking. There was nothing so different about her in physical appearance or attire that made her stand out. Yet, I remember Mary better than I remember anyone else from that event. Why? It is because of the way Mary presented her name to me.

When she told me her name was Mary Miller, she immediately followed up the statement of her name with the

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following phrase: “Mary like Merry Christmas, and Miller like the beer.” It was so simple, yet so effective.

Nine months later, I was on a plane and was talking to another woman who said she had a friend at the Learning Annex. As she described the friend, I asked her if her friends name was Mary Miller. It was! I had only met Mary once, but she described herself in such a way that she stuck with me forever.

Make sure that you find a way to stand out. Since my name does not lend itself easily like Mary’s did, I have implemented other ways to ensure that the people I meet remember me.

For example, when I meet a speaker at an event with whom I would like to form a connection with, I take a picture of myself with them. Then, when I send my follow up emails to them, I include the picture. This way, they immediately remember me. I stand out right away because they have a visual that is tied to a shared memory.

A way to take this one step further, if the situation is appropriate for this, is to friend the person on your social media page and post the picture there, as well. This is a great touch that reminds them right away about the time that you shared together. Please note that you should also ensure that the photo you post is one that they will approve of. If you take a bad picture, it is best to leave it on your camera.

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Now another aspect of making yourself memorable is by building a reputation or image on something concrete. Larry King is known as well for his suspenders as he is for being an interviewer with a welcoming and calm disposition. He is the Dad that you can talk to about anything. You can open up to Larry. You can share because you know that he is not going to attack you or push you into answering questions that make your uncomfortable. How do we know this to be the case? This has been how he has consistently handled himself with the guests that come onto his show.

Given his presence on main-stream television, we all can conjure an image of Larry. Chances are, you had the suspenders in your visual image before I ever pointed this out to you. The suspenders are a trademark of his, and they are also a trademark that enhance his persona and image as the friendly man that you can sit and chat freely with.

Another example of a public figure who is well known because of a consistent pattern of behavior which she has exhibited over the years is Barbara Walters. Unlike Larry, Barbara is known for her piercing questions. She has a reputation for cutting to the chase and making sure that you answer the questions that are most poignantly in the minds of her audience. Barbara is not going to Mom you. She is going to hit you hard. As such, she is an excellent choice to interview with for celebrities who seek to ensure that they are perceived as answering the difficult questions. Presenting themselves on her show demonstrates to the public that they are not fearful of telling the truth and they are willing to discuss it openly. It took Barbara years in the industry to

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establish herself in this position, but it is where she sits to day as the result of a consistent pattern of behavior. Since it is unlikely that you will be hosting your own talk show anytime soon, it is important that you look for consistent patterns that you can replicate to become known for something in your space.

A good example of something that you can do is to dress yourself in attire that stands out. For example, I know a very well established stock trader who has some of the most exclusive clients in the market today. When he moved into the information marketing space in order to share some of his trading strategies with more people, he faced the challenge of needing to stand out in a new space. While he was well known on Wall Street, he was just another face in his new arena.

To quickly stand out, he took to wearing brightly colored ties. Not just any brightly colored ties – bright fluorescent green colored neck ties. Why? This was one of the colors in his logo. It is very effective in creating a focal point that is outside the norm, as not many men sport fluorescent green ties at business events; and, it was effective in assisting the proliferation of his brand recognition in his new space. Every

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time he was asked, “Why the green tie?,” he was able to explain its relevance to his business. It became a talking point. While not everyone might remember his name, Christopher Castroviejo, many people remember the “guy with the green tie from Smart Trade Pro.”

Find a way to do this for yourself. Maybe it is a specific title that you give yourself. Maybe it is a jacket that you always wear. Maybe it is the intonation that you use when you say your name. Whatever it is you choose to implement, make sure that it is unique and it sets you apart in a group.

When choosing the method of individualizing yourself, do not be afraid to take risks. Do not be afraid to be different. Master connectors are not fearful of being perceived as being different. Instead, they seek out that very perception.

To help you accomplish this goal, I have included some of my most favorite examples in Appendix 3 of this manual, Memorable Maneuvers.

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Persistence “Energy and persistence conquer all things.”

– Benjamin Franklin

Nothing will ever take the place of persistence. It often takes 7 or more interactions with a potential client to get them to say yes. Your first few efforts at communication may even go totally unnoticed. The important point is to know that this is the case from the beginning and never give up on your goal. If you are persistent, dependable and consistently operate from a place of integrity, you will get others to recognize that and interact with you on personally connected level.

Here is an example of where my own persistence has paid off and helped me obtain one of my own goals.

There was a stage that I really wanted to speak on. It was

a yearly event to crowds of about 900 people. Now, getting that stage is, as with everything else, all about who you know. In this case, I did not know that particular event coordinator.

I did some research and found out who she was. I called a

few times and was not able to get her on the phone. However, about a month later, the two of us happened to be at the same event and I seized the opportunity to meet her.

When I asked her what her major project was for the next

few months, guess what she said? Yes, it was, of course, the event. So, I what her biggest challenges were at present in

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that event. I was able to give her on the spot tips about what is it she could do to help her registrations stick and to add value to the clients before they ever stepped on-site. Now, I of course, followed that meeting up with more emails, filled with more ideas to assist her. I made sure that I passed over the information that I had which could be of use to her.

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Did I stop there? Of course not! I went further and identified people in my connections that might be a valuable asset to her business and her event.

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Now, you are thinking that I was also immediately booked

for the event? No, she wasn't that easy. That year, I attended the event as a participant. However, the next year - yes, I was delighted to obtain the opportunity to speak to their crowd and share my message of Connectivity with them.

The point to my sharing this story with you, is that, well, sometimes it just doesn't go the way that you would like it to or it does not happen immediately. But, a consistent pattern of behavior, paired with a persistent message is one that can help you get to where you want to be. It just may take a little TLC.

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The Memory of an Elephant

Master connectors have amazing memories – period. Now, while a photographic memory may not be one of the tools that you possess, there are methods and utilities to help you appear as if you do.

Look, the bottom line is that the difference between a contact and a connection is that a connection is an exchange of relationship on a personal level. In order to get personal with a new connection, you must first connect to your relationship partner on a personal level. This is imperative to your success.

When you are meeting new people, take note of the information they share about their children, their spouses, their business partners, their likes and dislikes. Remember specific things not just about their business, but about who they are as people.

A great example of this can be demonstrated by my interaction with a businessman that I had connected to. During one conversation, I took a note in the calendar on my phone of the date of his anniversary. It had come up in conversation, and this is the type of information that I seek out when forming a new relationship with someone.

The day before his anniversary, I sent him a simple email congratulating him on his anniversary and sharing with him my wishes that he and his wife had an amazing celebration day. Guess what? He had forgotten that his anniversary was the

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next day! He was so busy, that it actually slipped his mind. Now, my sincere wish that he enjoy the day with his wife, actually saved him from making a horrible mistake in the eyes of his beloved spouse. That day, I actually impacted the happiness of his family, and we have been connected ever since.

While not all of your memorable touches are going to be this significant, they will have a profound effect of the depth of the relationships that you develop. When you demonstrate a a genuine interest in the lives of the people you are connecting with, you become more than just another contact, you become a friend. The tools to help you make this happen are plentiful and readily available – smart phones, outlook, Google calendars. There are so many ways to help you store this information. Store the data in a place where it is easy for you to access to it, then ensure that you start each day spending 15-20 minutes going though the special events that are coming up in the lives of your connections. Use that time to shoot off a quick email or text, letting them know that you remembered and you wish them the best celebration possible.

I am not going to walk you through some examples of

memorable texts that I have sent when someone in my connectivity circle had something happen that was important to them and that I knew they would appreciate support for.

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In this example, my good friend Than had just ranked in the top 15 companies in the Fast Company Influence Project. I was so happy for him and knew that it must have taken quite a bit of effort to rank so high. I took 2 minutes to let him know that I was aware of his accomplishment and couldn't be prouder to count him amongst my friends.

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In this example, my dear friend Chester had a book that was on the Best Seller list. I knew that this in and of itself was a great accomplishment, but that it would also be amazing to hit the very top of the Best Seller list. So, I extended both my acknowledgement of his accomplishment and my support to help him get even further up the list.

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It can be even more simple than that. For example, sports are very important to many people. I make it a point to know who my connections favor in football. On Thanksgiving day, I was watching a football game that I knew a good business colleague of mine had to be watching. Her team was up, and I knew that she was likely grinning in Florida. So, I took 2 minutes to reach out and let her know that I knew that the game I was watching was important to her.

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In this example, My friend Joe was celebrating his birthday. Mark the birthdays of you connections in your phone and send them a simple text that let's them know, that you remembered! Birthday's

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Now, there are many holidays throughout the year that are significant. And, if you remember who they are important to, you should take the time to send them a message that is meaningful. Become a part of their lives and share in the joys that each holiday brings. Thanksgiving

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Christmas

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New Years

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Veteran's Day - a very personal and well earned day of recognition for our current and former service members.

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Becoming a POI

Now that we have covered the traits of master connectors and discussed the important things that you can do to start developing your skills as a connector, it is time that we talk about how it is you are going to position yourself as a person that others do want to share information with and do seek out for connection.

You must become a POI

What does POI stand for? A POI has two meanings. It

means that you are a Person of Influence and a Person of Integrity

You can go and connect with anyone, but if you do not have integrity and influence, you probably are not going to get very far.

So, let us cover Influence first. A person of influence is one whom can affect the decisions of others. They are the people whose opinions matter. To determine how to grow your influence, you must first take a look at the circles and groups in which you hold influence today.

What you may have heard before, but is imperative for me to reiterate here is that you network = your net worth. Where you stand within your circles today is the result of you giving your time, focus and energy to the 5 people closet to you. Remember when we pointed out in an earlier section that you who stand next to says a lot about who you are?

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Let’s revisit that here and examine just how much this can impact your life in total.

Chances are, the circles in which you hold influence are the circles in which you spend most of your time. For the sake of focusing on business, let’s put aside your family circle, unless they are also tied to you in business as well.

In business, you have the ability to impact your inner circle because you are seen as a contributing member of that group. You are seen as critical to the success of that team. As such, your opinion holds value and sway within that circle of people.

Here is the difficult question to ask yourself – are you currently an influential person within the groups that will assist you in reaching your goals? If the answer is yes, then great. You need only expand your existing level of influence. If this is not the case, then you need to change your circles.

While at first glance this may seem cold or callus, it is neither. It is simply good business sense. The truth is that not all relationships are created equally. Further, not all networks are created equally.

I have a good friend with whom I have discussed the difference between public education and private education on several occasions. My friend pays heafty tuition bills each month to provide his children with an education in the private school system. I once asked him why he was so adamant about keeping his children in private school. He replied simply, “Well, Larry, it is either I pay now or I pay later.”

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At first I was a bit confused as to his answer, but further

discussion helped me understand his logic better and helped me understand how this is no different than what I practice. He wanted his children in environments where they were forming relationships and bonds with tomorrow’s influence holders. He understood that the circles they surrounded themselves with today, will be the circles in which they operate when they were older. As such, he was doing what he could to ensure that his children gained early access to influential circles. He was giving them a head start before they ever realized how critical this would be to their later success in life.

He was allowing them to grow their networks early and without even intending to. Now, these networks are ones that start in high-school: student council, athletic teams, and extra-curricular activities. They are building their networks early.

Now, would the have the same opportunities to do so in a public education environment, perhaps. It would all be dependant upon school districts and location. That said, there is no doubt that he has increased their chances of joining influential networks by writing those monthly checks. While it may not seem fair, it is accurate.

So, why this importance on getting his children into a position of influence within what he perceives to be more significant networks? Quite simply, he does so because he knows that not all networks are created equally. Let me ask you a question, do you believe that your network is as strong and influential as Oprah Winfrey’s?

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The answer is obviously no. There are few networks on this planet that hold more influence than Oprah’s. Why is this? It is because the people that Oprah has within her inner-circle are themselves wielders of huge influence in their given areas. Oprah is a focal figure for them, but they all also wield power in their own right. By bringing them together and by keeping them close within her inner circle, she is able to access and utilize the combined power of their influence and resources. Most of us here would go to extremes to enter that circle.

Understanding this, and understanding that we are not likely to jump into Oprah’s inner circle tomorrow, it is imperative that we make moves to place ourselves in a position where we do have influence over decisions and actions that will help us reach our own goals and that we become integral members of networks that will help is move closer toward those goals.

You can demonstrate your influence and grow your network by doing 2 things: 1. Bringing people together and 2. Placing yourself in the position to be recognized for the role that you played. By bringing people together to move them toward their common goals, you help propel them forward and addd value to their lives. By being the catalyst for this, you create a circle in which you hold influence and generate a network where your roots are deeper than they were before. Do not be afraid of taking the lead and creating your circles of influence – make it happen.

Identify up front the 3-5 top people in your industry within the circles that you wish to be a part of in your area. For example, if you are a financial planner, perhaps you seek out

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3-5 real estate agents, 3-5 mortgage brokers and the top 3-5 CPA’s and attorney’s in your area. Reach out to them. Go and physically visit them and explain to them that you would greatly value the opportunity to bring them new business. Once you have connected to them, connect them to each other. Host a group meeting. You may even decide to bring in some of your clients into the group. In doing so, you have brought them closer to each other and have created a circle in which you are influential.

I am currently in the process of implementing this very strategy in Hollywood. I recently introduced Ken Kragen (the creator of We Are the World) to the former manager of the Bee Gees, Lionel Richie and Kenny Rogers. This same gentleman also produced the presidential ball for Bill Clinton. This is allowing me to bring together two very strong booking agents, creating value for them and ensuring I stay in front of 2 very powerful booking agents.

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What is not immediately apparent, but is critical for you to take note of is that my communication follows a simple pattern that I can recreate quickly time and time again. Find a formula that works and stick to it. My formula includes the following: A brief introduction for each party to the other A brief overview of how I cam to be connected to each

of them A description of who they are and what some of their

most notable accomplishments are. (Note: This builds instant credibility for me as well. Remember that credibility transfers, so by aligning myself with accomplished and credible people, I also build up my own stature.)

A brief description of how it is I believe that they can work together. I point out what needs it is I believe that they can meet for one another.

I use this template on a daily basis. Once you find the

one that works best for you, you will use it every day, too.

Now, here is the magic question that will lead us into the next section: Who do you need to connect to? Who do you need to attract into your inner circle? You must begin with the end in mind, so let us begin now.

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One Connection Away I want you to imagine for a moment the “perfect”

connection for your business or personal life. What if your aunt was a venture capitalist? What if your best childhood friend grew up to become a Hollywood superstar? What if your father was the US ambassador to China? Can you imagine the types of doors those sorts of connections could open for you?

Now stop for a moment and realize that there are two aspects to those sorts of powerful connections, as I mentioned them. The first is obviously the stature of the jobs that I was describing, but the other was the closeness of the connection that was implied in the relationships – Aunt, Best Friend, Father. These are some of the strongest connections we could ever ask for, so when you start thinking about being one connection away, you have to think both in terms of the doors on the other side, but also how easily it is to ask to turn the handle!

Think about the most powerful and successful business people today and throughout history. Henry Ford, for instance, had no idea how to make an automobile. His marketing savvy included such remarks as, “If I asked the customer what kind of transportation they had wanted, they’d have asked me for a faster horse,” and “You can have your car in any color you’d like, as long as it’s black.”

In the United States, Henry Ford is considered the creator of not only the first mass-produced automobile, he is also considered the creator of the mass-production process!

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But, do you think Henry Ford spent his time on the assembly line, toiling with putting a bumper on a shiny new Model T? Of course not! His skill was connecting – and he worked through as many problems as he could not by doing every piece himself, but by connecting with the people who could get him what he wanted. In most instances, those connections were happy to oblige, not only because they were his friend or business associate, but because they wanted something in return from him.

Remember, connecting with people is about understanding motivations. We all have an altruistic streak in ourselves, but we cannot simply “give” endlessly. We have to build our lives around relationships where we can reciprocate. Of course, a major part of this book is realizing within yourself all the powerful ways that you can offer value in the lives of the people you interact with. But let’s return back to our imagination for a moment:

Imagine what a single connection could do for you.

Let’s say you’re a real estate prospector, seeking out deals. Sure, you need connections to find deals, bring together buyers and sellers, etc. But wouldn’t it be amazing if you had a person on your speed dial, who you absolutely, without a doubt could say “I need $20,000 to fund a deal I just found,” and know that the answer will be “You got it, I’ll wire it right now.”

What if you were an aspiring screen writer? Wouldn’t it be incredible to have a studio executive on your speed dial, ready

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to read your latest script; regardless of the other twenty projects sitting on his desk? What if you were about to launch a new line of cosmetics for women? Imagine if you could make one phone call and have your product mentioned by Oprah during a fashion show?

Hopefully now you’re starting to grasp the concept of high-level connections – and the idea of being one connection away from what you’re trying to achieve.

So often, we hear about “networking” opportunities. But what does “networking” really mean? Sure, having a lot of connections might make it easier to name drop, or find a wide range of people to bounce ideas off of. But in reality, most of us typically are looking for deep connections – those people whom we can trust implicitly, who we can rely on, and also who truly appreciate us for who we are. So, for us to truly embrace the concept of being “one connection away” from what we want to achieve, the first thing we have to do is re-evaluate our relationship with “networking.”

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Building a Network vs. Creating a Connection

As we discussed in previous sections, there is a distinct difference between networking and connecting. Both are important, but both do different things in our life. Networking is basically playing a number’s game – if you’re networking you’re assembling the roster of people who may or may not be able to help you, or who you may or may not be able to help. Nobody’s sure what the best fits are. That’s part of why we all do it to one degree or another – you can’t connect with people unless you’re networking with people. So step number one is to put a ton of networked acquaintances into the hopper and see what you can come up with.

But, when you move beyond the networking stage, what you really want are a handful of great individual connections. For instance – how many dentists do you really need? 20? No, you need one. It might take trips to five or ten different dentist offices before you find the one you want, but ask nearly anyone who’s lived in a community for more than a couple of years, and most people will adamantly recommend their individual dentist. This same thing goes for nearly any profession. We start with a big pool of candidates, and then over time we develop relationships with the ones who truly fit our bill for “best.” The funny part is, the “best” doesn’t necessarily have to be the most experienced, the most proficient, or the most highly trained. “Best” can be completely subjective to individual tastes and preferences.

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Which means, that the obvious choice isn’t always the one that people go with in the long run.

Look at a company like JetBlue airlines. Many travelers, once experiencing a JetBlue flight, start to look at the traditional domestic carriers in a whole new light. It wasn’t until a flyer realized that he or she could enjoy in-flight televisions, quieter planes, and friendlier staff, that their previous airline became less desirable. We do that with our connections as well – which is why networking still plays an important role in our lives, even within the context of trying to find those one or two critical must have connections as well. We maintain strong networks because it is from those networks that we can create lasting and worthwhile connections.

Creating Connections that Matter

As you progress from networking to connecting, you may want to think strategically about what you’re looking for in the connections that you’re making. The best connectors on the planet are constantly thinking about the gaps in their capabilities, and looking for great people to fill those gaps. In turn, you should also spend a considerable amount of time thinking about what kind of value you can add to your connections. It’s a constant process.

Let’s take a moment to think about creating one of the most important relationships a business professional can have – partnerships. These might be partnerships to build a company together, or it might be strategic partners who you want to work with for the benefit of everyone. In the most

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open sense, let’s think of partners as anyone who we can work with for the betterment of both parties. Now, I wholeheartedly agree that this should also be pretty close to the definition of a client relationship as well, but obviously the one key difference being that typically one partner doesn’t charge the other partner for the service or product they’re providing. There are exceptions, and we’ll talk about creating client connections that matter in a little bit.

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Creating Balanced Partnerships

Creating a partnership requires not just a good personal connection – it requires understanding what keeps the partnership together. In most cases, the dominant requirement in a successful partnership is the appearance or belief of balance between the parties. Look, in every relationship, someone is at some sort of advantage over the other. It’s virtually impossible to find an absolutely true equal partnership. Perhaps one person has better education, more money, or greater connections to other resources. Perhaps one person is skilled in one area, which compliments the other. This is a normal and healthy part of your relationships, and you shouldn’t seek out absolutely equal partners. To get ahead in your chosen field of business, you’ll likely need to find connections who are better connected and have more resources – that’s what you need, right?

So, take a little while and think about the traits that you’d want to look for in a great partner. There are virtually countless traits that could be sought after, but let’s think of a few of the more obvious ones:

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Experience in the Industry: If you’re

connecting with someone to achieve

something great for yourself and

your business, you probably want

to partner with people who have a

high level of experience in your

field.

Quality Connections: Thinking about

the concept of being “One

Connection Away” from what you

want to achieve – wouldn’t you

want to partner with someone who

can open doors for you down the

road?

Flexible Thinker: The most powerful

people in the world also tend to be

the most open-minded and flexible

in their thinking. You should seek

out partners who will be open to

new ideas and fresh approaches.

Optimistic: Life is too short to

waste time on pessimistic people.

Seek out those eternal optimists

who can find opportunity or

positivity when the going gets

tough. You don’t want to be the

one constantly cheering on the

team.

Strong Moral Code: Find people

who demonstrate their desire to

achieve great things and do right

by others. Most people are ethical

when things are easy – but the

best partners will be the ones who

don’t waver when the going gets

tough.

Strong Communicator: Great

partnerships require being able to

communicate between one another

freely and openly. If you can’t

understand what your partner

means when they describe

something, you will struggle to help

them as time goes on.

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Finding Complimentary Skills

In most of the successful partnerships that I’ve witnessed, the overriding force that keeps those parties together is that they don’t inherently compete with one another. Think about a football team: Every player on the field has one role to fill at any given time. That’s your organization (and realistically, your life!). If you want to create extremely balanced partnerships, you want to find people who understand what you do, but realize that you can do it better than they can. And to the same vein, you want to know that what they bring to the table is a skill or talent that you’re not as good as executing. Oftentimes, partners in small companies will bring too much similarity to the table, and that can be fun for a while. But unless there’s balance in the relationship when it comes to supporting each others’ skills, oftentimes one person will feel like they give too much or aren’t receiving enough from the work they perform. Even more likely, with too much similarity, major opportunities will be missed. Again, think about Henry Ford’s assembly line. He didn’t need to know how to build the machines to assemble the parts for the car; he simply chose partners and employees who knew that was their area of expertise, and let them do what they did best.

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Finding the Perfect Clients

Just like creating great partnerships, creating great client relationships is all about connecting as well. Think about the best sales experiences you’ve ever had. In most cases, the reason why you probably recall a positive sales experience wasn’t necessarily the product – but the way the saleperson made you feel about what you were buying. The best salespeople connect in rapid-fire ways to find how to solve problems, demonstrate solutions, and build value in their relationships.

So, with that in mind, think about how you can create client value in quick time frames and with massive value. This requires realizing that you are the connection your customer needs! Think about that for a moment. So often we think about sales in a negative way because there are lots of salespeople selling things we don’t want. They’re slimy, pushy, and only care about taking money. But great salespeople are different. They realize that without the solution they’re offering, their customers are worse-off than before they had met. So, no matter what you do – become that perfect salesperson! Sell people what they want because if you don’t, they’ll be worse off! Why would you want the people that you connect with to be worse? You don’t, of course. So take

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advantage of the opportunity to sell your solutions, and if your solution isn’t right, create value in their experience anyways.

The first thing to think about in the sales / connection process is to make sure your message is reaching the right audience, and that you’re available when people respond to your message. Have you ever been interested in a company or a service, only to be the recipient of a less than stellar customer service experience on the first phone call? Or, even more likely these days – to end up in a phone queue? Don’t just think about your messages, think about the recipients, the actions that you want them to take (because if they don’t take them, you can’t solve their problems!) and how you will create value and positivity throughout the duration of the relationship.

As you meet a new client, again realize that you are the one connection they’ve needed – they just didn’t know it! Dig as deep as you can in to their background, what they’ve already reviewed or considered, and what the real root of their problems are. There are lots of great books about the best sales techniques; and this book is not focused on teaching you how become the most effective sales person. We are here to focus on growing your connection. Just realize, that as you’re connecting with your new client, seek out not only how you can help them, but also consider creative ways that you can further add value to their lives (beyond whatever you’re immediately trying to sell to them). On top of that –

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find out if there are ways that they can open doors for you as well.

One of the best techniques strong salespeople employ is to ask for referrals in a positive way. It may seem difficult to ask, but great sales people (Value Creators!) know that if you’ve helped someone, it’s not rude to ask for more access to their network to help support their connections. Networking, connecting, sales, and value are all related. Tap in to your existing successes to propel yourself to the next success. Ask anyone who’s been in sales for a while the power of momentum. They’ll answer that the best sales that they’ve ever had were probably in the middle of a winning streak. When you’re hot, you’re hot! So if you’ve successfully created value in a clients’ life, don’t be afraid to ask them to keep your momentum going!

Again, I want to impress upon you this important

distinction: A product is not “sold” when your client needs what you’re selling. A product (or service) is a solution to a problem. The problem might be “I need a great house, and a real estate agent I can trust.” If you’re a real estate agent – become the solution to their problem. Don’t just sell them a great house, sell them the RIGHT house – the one that fills all (or many) of their needs and wants. To that same vein, don’t be afraid to tell your customers the truth about their needs and wants. If you’re a real estate agent, and your client says “I want a 5 bedroom on the beach in Southern California and I

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want to spend $200,000,” it’s your responsibility to tell them, “Well, beach houses aren’t quite in that ballpark, but let’s find out what else is important to you.” It is your responsibility to level with your customers, ensure them that you’ll work hard for their behalf, and then do so. As long as you continue to build value in the relationship, you’re going to do well, at least in the long run.

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Knowing that your intent is to generate solutions for your future clients, it is important that you gather as much information as possible about you ideal client in advance. You need to understand who they are:

What fields do they work in?

What is their average age?

Where do they live?

Where do they look for information when they need it?

Who else do they do business with?

As we move into actual exercise of evaluating just how exactly you are going to go about growing your network and growing your client base, it is imperative that you keep in mind the characteristics that we just went over about who your partners need to be and who your clients are. Seek out the people who meet the criteria that best fit your needs. If you do this you will attract these very people and you will attract success.

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Appraising Your Network

One thing that is important to building high-quality relationships is to actually sit down and think about what those relationships mean to you and to the people you’re connecting with. You may approach this process with some apprehension – after all, who wants to think about our network in a technical way. Friendship shouldn’t be analyzed in a spreadsheet, right? Well, in fact, the most successful networkers and connectors know that finding the best possible ways to help the people who we want to create the most value for (and with) requires stepping back and taking a more analytical approach sometimes.

The classic example of appraisal is quite common, when you really think about it. We often write down people’s birthdays in our day planner – that’s keeping a reminder of when to stay in touch with someone. When at a tradeshow or networking event, you’ll commonly see people jot down quick notes on the back of business cards that they just received. That’s another example of making sure that an opportunity doesn’t get missed in the relationship. Appraisal doesn’t mean judging. This isn’t a process to say one person is “better” than any others; it just means that you want to really be able to take a step back and evaluate how everyone fits in to your social networking activities, and figure out what you need to do to increase the value for everyone involved.

So, with this in mind, realize that when I say appraise your network and your connections, I’m really suggesting that you take the time to organize and plan how you can make the

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best use of your time, your partners, friends, clients, family, and anyone else that is involved in your life. The one absolute challenge that everyone faces in their life is that we’re limited to a mere 24 hours, every day. If we had more time, perhaps we could build more lasting relationships and connections, perhaps with people who we haven’t been able to spend the time to foster a deep connection. But the truth is, we must make the most with the limited resources we have available, so organizing and appraising your connections is well worth your time.

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Ways to Organize your Relationships

First, let us cover the fundamental contact day that you must gather as you begin to organize your network. Let’s take a moment to think about some pretty basic questions that you should know the answer to for the people you connect with. While I say this is fundamental, please know that I understand that you will not have most of this information handy right now. How do I know this? Well, because that is why you are spending time with me, to learn how to form true connections with the people in your life. As such, you are only now starting to gain a deeper understanding of what it is you need to gather up in order to build connections.

At the end of this section, you will take some time to complete an organized form for each of your 10 closest business contacts. I do want you to eventually get to having your top 100 handy. However, let’s walk before we run and start with your top 10. Once you get learn to form this data gathering as a habit, you will see that obtaining the information, noting it and accessing it quickly will begin to come very naturally to you.

With that in mind, let us get right to the fundamental data that you need to gather.

Name: Note any nickname that they prefer to use. It is important that you address your connections the way that they wish to be addressed. Hopefully, they do not

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change their preferences as frequently as Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/P-Diddy. I dare say that few people actually change their names as frequently as he does. The point being, know what they prefer to be called by you and keep that in your notes.

Title: What is it that they do? What position do they hold? Start thinking about who it is they have influence over given the current position that they are in.

Company: Do they operate their own business, or work for a corporation? Again, start thinking about connections that they may need and/or other persons that you might know within their existing organizations.

Specialty: What skills do they possess that they are currently marketing? What areas are they experts in? What is it that makes them special? If you know this, then you will be much more agile and finding proper connection pairings for them. Know what they do really well, and let the other people in your network know it, too.

Important Goals/Projects: What is important to them? What are the 3 most important things they need to accomplish in the next year to get them where they desire to be? This information will help you determine who is your network is the absolute best fit for them. By knowing what is important to them, you will much more easily identify who you know that can assist them in getting there. You will be able to identify connection synergies.

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Favorite Charity/Cause: What cause calls them to action? What groups do they seek to assist? Few things are more compelling to a person’s purpose than the causes and charities that they support. Understanding who it is they seek to serve, will offer you valuable insight into who they are and what drives them. Charity work is a choice, and it is unlike other choices that a person might make, such as where to be employed or what business partner to select. Choosing a charity is a choosing who it is they seek to give their heart to. It is time without direct financial or material benefit to themselves. Hence, charity work is one of the most clear windows you will have into who they are and what is truly important to them

Family/Personal Information: Are they married? What is their spouses name? Do they have children? How old are their children. These are the personal touches that you need to take note of.

Contact Information: When you seek to reach out to them, what is the best way to communicate with them? Some people prefer email, others text. Some people prefer an old-fashioned personal phone call. It is important when you gather this information that you not just collect the data to connect to them, but also that you determine and notate how it is they want to receive that communication.

Now that we have covered the fundamentals, let’s move into some more areas that will require you to begin to synthesize

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and categorize the information that you gathered from them in the fundamentals section. These items are ones which you must often derive. The answers are there, and there is never an issue with asking a direct question, but you may have some deductive work on your hands. Be ready to analyze.

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Now, there are a wide range of factors that you can consider when organizing your network. In no particular order, here are the additional components that you need to think about when sitting down and organizing your relationships:

Needs: In the most basic sense, what does this person need? Obviously, for the sake of this book we’re not talking about air or water or the basic needs people require to survive. Needs might include things like: New customers for their café, a better way to manage their email accounts, or a fulfillment company that can print their product on t-shirts for a decent price.

Wants: Unlike needs, wants aren’t as vital, and often come with less pain attached if they’re unfulfilled. That doesn’t mean they’re not important, and in the world of networking, you’ll probably have to consider wants more than raw needs. Wants could include things like: Season tickets to the LA Lakers, a new designer who does killer web graphics, or an easier way to organize customers in their CRM system. Again, think of wants as lying more towards the pleasure-end of the pain-pleasure scale. And think about how you can fulfill them!

Likes: A good way to organize contacts and connections is to think about what those individuals like. For instance, if you know that three of your best customers are all fans of the Indianapolis Colts, jot that down somewhere! When the opportunity presents itself, you can align yourself to their likes and preferences, or you can

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connect them with other people who share in their interests. Common interests are one of the most powerful ways that we interconnect with people.

Dislikes: Along a similar vein as likes, knowing what someone dislikes can be just as important! Imagine you’re planning a dinner event for your top 25 prospects – wouldn’t it be great to know what foods to avoid serving? To the same extent, dislikes can be a source of common interest, though typically outside of the complex world of politics, you probably don’t want to attach yourself to people based entirely on the pillars of a common disliking to something. Other things worth noting when thinking about dislikes include: Who to avoid discussing within industry circles (perhaps a past business deal gone wrong), what foods / styles / music they don’t like, or just about anything to do with personal preference. You don’t have to point out someone’s dislikes specifically to them, but it’s good to note somewhere what they like and don’t. Another thing that’s great to note regarding dislikes: Communications times and preferences. Sometimes people really get irked with a phone call in the evening, other people prefer not to receive messages via email or text message. Respond to those preferences and avoid doing things in a manner they don’t like.

Accomplishments: While you don’t have to keep a complete biography handy of all your contacts and relationships, knowing some of the notable accomplishments in someone’s life can provide you a

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strong anchor for current and future conversations with them. Accomplishments can be wide ranging, but a few examples might include: Have they won notable awards in the industry? Have they started businesses or organizations? What about college degrees, achievements in sports, or perhaps notable accomplishments in their hobbies or public service? Take note of important accomplishments as you learn of them – this can help you build a complete picture of who your connections are and what they’ve built and achieved in their lives. This can be a great lead-in during casual conversation, and it can also give you a point to connect them to other similarly accomplished people in your network.

Goals: While accomplishments look backwards in our lives, perhaps the most powerful force that we all carry are our goals. For most people, goals provide something to look forward to, and can be a powerful motivating force in our lives. Most people carry a range of goals in their lives for each dimension and for many time-frames. Some examples of goals that are worth noting include things like: Do they have specific retirement plans, such as a worldwide vacation or a retirement cabin in the woods? Are they attempting to reach a sales milestone or growth objective for their firm? Do they want to give their children the resources and ability to get in to Harvard Law School? Do they want to contribute a portion of their income or their time to an important cause or social program? Again, goals may come in super-short intervals

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as rapidly as the next few days, or could stretch years or decades. Knowing as many of those goals as possible, and remembering them for future conversations can help you not only converse and relate to them better, but you can also keep your eyes open for ways to help them achieve their goals. We all respond to the people who help make our goals more achievable – wouldn’t you want to be that person?

Networks: Just as you’re involved in a variety of networks (both formal and informal), so are your connections. Of course, we’re not talking about computer networks, but social networks such as clubs, businesses, alumni groups, shared social causes, etc. In most cases, it’s easier to access a network through someone who is already in it than to have to break in to it fresh on your own. So, with this in mind, it’s not only smart business to learn what networks your associations are involved in, but it also makes for a great conversation topic as well. We all love to share our experiences about what we know well. Examples of networks that you may want to learn about include things like: What college or educational background are your connections from, and do they stay active in that network as alumni? What about professional networking or social groups, such as the chamber of commerce, marketing, or business clubs? Are they a member of any trade associations? Our networks can define us greatly, so recognize and learn about where your connections are involved. This is also a powerful

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thing to help organize your connections upon as well because oftentimes, you will run in to people with similar backgrounds and from similar networks. This is especially true when meeting people who went to the same colleges or are in the same union or trade group, and provides not only a common conversation element, but also a good way to interconnect the people you already associate with.

Background: As you develop a relationship with someone, you frequently learn about their general background in the process. This can include things like their home town, basic details about their family or childhood friends, and general life experiences that may not fit neatly in to any other categories. However, someone’s background can be not only useful to know for general conversation, but can also be very interesting to hear! Especially when talking to people with a dramatically different background from your own, take the time to learn as much as you can – things like cultural differences, travel, family, and personal history can be well worth the time to hear, enjoy, and learn about.

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As you organize your people, keep these 8 factors in your mind – and if you are the heavily organized type, jot down notes about all 8 of these factors when you can. It doesn’t have to be deep, but sometimes just a few notes are worthwhile. Here’s an example of contact notes along these 8 dimensions:

Prospect card: Tom Smith Updated:

2/15/2011

Needs:

-New Customer

service Rep

-Trade credit

from XYZ

manufacturer

Wants:

-Take kids to

Disneyland this

summer

-An Apple iPad

Likes:

-New Orleans

jazz music

-Acura cars

-Virgin America

airline

Dislikes:

-Not a fan of

sushi or Thai

food

-Do not call

after 8pm!

Accomplishments:

-Graduated from

Georgetown

-Rec’d distributor

of the year in

2008

Goals:

-Wants to

donate more to

Habitat for

Humanity

-Wants to ship

widgets to Brazil

next quarter

Networks:

-Member of

Louisiana

Business Council

-On the board

of advisors for

ABC Associates

Background:

-Raised in

Hawaii, father

was Navy

-Spent 3 years

after college as

a bartender in

Baltimore

As you can see above, it’s not too painful to jot down just a few notes about someone, especially if you’ve had several interactions with them and know some useful details.

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You don’t have to spend ages writing every specific detail – just leave yourself enough notes so that you can refer to them later if you need them. This is actually more important for those connections you may not interact with frequently. The people we interact with constantly are part of our active network. In that regard, we tend to keep details fresher in our minds. For people who we don’t interact with on a daily or weekly basis, these sorts of connection notes can prove to be invaluable in the long run.

Now, imagine you had this level of basic details for all your hundreds of contacts. Do you think, from those details, you might be able to discover commonalities, patterns, and groupings? Of course! That’s why getting started on organizing your networks and relationships is crucial. Even from the example above, let’s see if we couldn’t figure out a few ways to utilize what we know about Tom:

He’s looking for a new customer service rep. Do you happen to know anyone looking for a job in that field?

He likes New Orleans style jazz music – could you pick up a CD that he might like, and send it to him sometime in the next few weeks? It might be an affordable way to prompt another conversation together in the near future, and he might enjoy the gift.

He’s a member of the Louisiana Business Council – do they have an event coming up that you might like to attend? His introduction might go a long way towards landing other clients and prospects in the same group.

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He wants to ship his widgets to Brazil – do you know anyone in your network familiar with the logistics of distributing goods in South America?

As you can see, even just from a few casual notes, there is a wide range of opportunity to create new value in your relationship with Tom. As a full-time “connector”, you can tap in to the rest of your network to connect the dots to help and support not only Tom, but everyone else that you know. The beauty of connections and relationship building is that every time you build a new relationship, you are able to bring them in to your entire network. In the example above, Tom could not only be your prospect, but his connections could help bridge a need that one of your other connections might have.

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Don’t Just Take Notes – Use them!

The reality is, most of you reading this book will probably try to note down a few things about a couple of people. But, if you’re really serious about building your connections and developing your relationship networks, you must make this a habit! You should set aside a few minutes each day to do your best to organize your notes about the people you interact with.

The other important part about this is that you will want to make your notes easily accessible. It does not do you any good if you have all your notes carefully written down in a notebook sitting on your desk if you’re out at a tradeshow or across the country at a company meeting. In this regard, technology has advanced quite a bit and can be a great tool to take advantage of.

For instance, in my cell phone, I’ve taken just one simple step towards categorizing certain people that I’m connected with. If I speak with someone and realize that they can specifically support my business activities, I add a quick amendment to their contact name: “SP” for “Strategic Partnership opportunity.” That means that whenever I want to reach out for the purpose of growing my business, I can just look through my phone for anyone marked as “SP”. That doesn’t mean the people who don’t have that mark aren’t important or relevant for my business, but this handful of strategic partners can be invaluable when trying to solve a problem or grow a new opportunity.

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With modern cell phones and contact organizers, you can add many more details about the people who you are networked and connected with – and always have that information in the palm of your hand. On top of that, social networking and online technologies have made it quicker and easier than ever to organize your professional, marketing, and personal relationships.

An Important Note about Appraisals

As I close out this section, I want to leave you with one other important thought – very similar to what your mom told you many years ago. If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all. Every now and then, we’ll encounter people who we just don’t want to interact with, or who we just don’t get along with for one reason or another. When you’re organizing your networking notes and jotting them down, realize that whatever you jot down could be viewed by someone other than you. You might leave your notebook out in the open, or your computer’s contact notes open while you walk away. Keep your notes honest, but do yourself a favor – keep them positive.

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Finding People who Take Action There’s a classic saying that I want to remind you of –

“Ideas are a dime a dozen!” It’s true today as it was a when the dime was brand new! Ideas, while important, are just the first step in a much longer path towards success and prosperity. So surround yourself not only with people who have great ideas and like to think big – but people who are willing to take action and try to accomplish things. We all know people who are just stuck, for one reason or another. They keep themselves from achieving many of the things that they really could do if they just set their mind to it. You may even be one of them! So, if you are – stop stalling and take action! And if you know people who aren’t willing to take action, don’t spend too much time harvesting those relationships. You want to surround yourself with people who are not only interested in doing great things, but are also willing to take the steps to get there. When it comes to building relationships, this is especially true when cross-connecting people from your social circles. When you refer someone you’ve met to someone else in your network, you’re not just letting the two of them run off to never be heard from again. You’re attaching your reputation, your personality, and your best guess that it’s a good fit to every contact and relationship you pass along. With this in mind, would you want to be responsible for a bad relationship? Of course not! You want to find people who not only are interested in networking, mixing, and mingling, but who are also ready to take steps and actions to better themselves and those around them. Look for the people who take action, and align yourself with them. When you cross-connect those types

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of people, there is virtually no limit to what can be accomplished. Here is an example of a quick and easy way to connect two people who are mutually beneficial to each other. It doesn't take much at all.

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The Connectivity Worksheet

Now that we have reviewed the information that you need in order to turn your relationships into connections, our next step is going to be taking some time to evaluate your top 10 relationships not. Appendix 1 contains 11 blank connectivity worksheets. Why 11? Well, the first 10 are ones that you are going to complete right now. The last one, is for you to tear out of this manual and make copies of. As I stated earlier, you need to gather this information for your top 100 connections. However, during our time together, we will focus on your first 10.

Again, note that you will likely not be able to complete all of the sections even for your closest 10 connections. This is not important at the moment as you are just beginning to unlock your connection mastery prowess. What is important is that you learn what information you are missing for these top 10 and spend some of your time during your 21 days of connectivity exercise (explained later) gathering up that data for your top 10 and then your top 100.

Please go to Appendix 1, the Connectivity Worksheet now and complete the forms.

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The Power of Giving

“If you help enough people get what they want, you will get what you want.”

~ Zig Zigler

One of the most powerful forces in human nature is perhaps our best one as well – the power and the goodness of giving. There are many facets to giving and many beliefs about what is appropriate or genuine. Is it wrong to do something good for someone with the expectation that it will be returned down the road? Is there some sort of unseen checklist of good deeds that you may have done – which will mean you can cash in favors down the road if you need them? The simple fact of the matter is that good begets good, in most cases. Being a good person and helping out friends, family, or even strangers is part of our very fabric, but there’s no scorekeeper. Sometimes, you might feel like you’re giving more than you’re receiving, but the reality is that if you can find substance from the act of giving, you’re going to find yourself living in a world of abundance of your own making. In today’s marketing-driven world, it may feel like “giving” is the same as “spending money.” We might feel obligated by a moral or social conscious to donate money to a cause, or buy something for someone. But, even without huge sums of money at our disposal, it amazes me to see how much people give in all sorts of ways every single day. We give our time, we give

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an ear to listen to someone’s concerns, we give access to our resources or expertise. As the quote that Zig Zigler so simply stated that I’ve placed at the beginning of this chapter, it really is true that the law of reciprocity is alive and well. Ultimately, it’s up to you to become willing to discover what sort of good things you can do for the people in your life – both existing connections and the ones that you’re just starting to form. Adding more value to more people in your life may require you to do more things in your “spare” time, but imagine how substantially better the world might be if you really took the time to stop and think about what sort of good things you could do with your time and how you can make a difference. It’s a staple of college commencement speeches everywhere, but it’s still true: “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” ~ Mohandas Ghandi.

There are two ways to approach becoming a more giving person. The first is to think about the people that you care about, and start actively working to create value in their lives. For instance, maybe you have a former colleague who is looking for work? Perhaps you could spend a few minutes each day looking at job boards online, sending the links to the jobs that sound just “perfect” to her. That sort of action doesn’t require much more than attention on your part – but just imagine how great she would feel if one of the jobs that you discovered was perfect and she’d just missed it during her search? What if, by spending a few minutes each day to do something for her, you helped her find her dream job that led her to enjoy countless greater benefits in her life? That’s not

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only going to make her feel good – that alone will make you feel good too! Even if there’s no financial reward, you can be assured that your cousin will remember who tipped them to the thing that changed her life, and that will strengthen the bond between the two of you and ensure that she’ll definitely take your call if you’re ever in need of a favor. You may even be able to go a step further. Let's say that someone you know is the perfect fit for a job opening that someone else is your connection network is seeking to fill. You can assist both parties by bringing them together. Here is an example of where I did just that.

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I didn't earn a referral fee, or seek any reward. I simply brought two people together who turned out to be a solid match for each other's needs. Did it strengthen my connectivity with both parties? Absolutely! Important to keep in mind in the act of giving is the concept of The Golden Rule. Of course, you know the rule by heart I’m sure, but it’s not a bad thing to see again and again, because it reminds us so simply of the very nature of what it means to be human: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. This mindset can be extremely important when thinking about who to spend your time focused on, because you will discover that there unfortunately are some people who just don’t know how to respect it. Steer clear of the people in the world who will simply take and take, and who don’t seem to realize the true meaning of the Golden Rule. Most people not only understand it, they live it every day. So, before we go further in the chapter, I want you to take a moment and think about some of the things that you might be able to do for other people – that doesn’t involve money! The other “golden rule” is that the person with money makes the rules; but that’s not the way that you’re going to achieve financial independence or personal satisfaction. Look within yourself and think about the things that you’re inherently good at, or the resources that you have access to that other people might not necessarily have. How can you leverage the things you’re capable of to do more good things for the people you come in to contact with? How can you create lasting connections and valuable relationships with people through the

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act of doing good, valuable things for them? There are lots of areas that you might think about. Here are a few ideas to consider:

• Specialized skills – For most of us, we’ve spent some considerable amount of time honing a skill (or many skills) over the years. This might be personal or professional, but one way or another, if you’ve done something for any considerable amount of time, you might be able to offer that skill (or the result of that skill) to someone who would benefit. For instance, if you’re a talented singer or musician, maybe you might want to apply that skill to writing a song to brighten up someone’s day? It doesn’t have to be perfect or recorded on anything sophisticated; just something to share with the right person at the right time. If you’re a great golfer, maybe offer a friend some lessons for free just to get him started? If you’re a technical whiz, maybe offer your help in setting up someone’s computer.

• Tapping Your Network – One of the most useful things that you can do for people in a virtually free way is to reach in to your own network and offer a connection. Ultimately, this is one of the core foundations of this book and of my own life. Connecting people together is one of the most vital things we can do for each other to create positive outcomes, and usually it comes with no more cost than a few phone calls or a few quick emails. The only important thing to keep in mind is that when you do reach in to your network, make sure you’re respecting everyone’s time. Take a moment to ensure that the people you want to connect will actually be able to

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assist each other towards mutual goals. If not, you may want to find another way to help, because it probably won’t do much good if one person is getting everything out of a new relationship and the other is just getting less available time and nothing more.

• Ease a Burden – There are lots of “burdens” that arise in our everyday lives, with all sorts of constraints for timing, energy requirements, or costs associated. One of the most understood moments in nearly everyone’s life at some point is the dreaded “move.” Certainly for younger adults, moving is hardly ever a professional affair. It’s a few phone calls, a case of beer, a couple pizzas, and a whole lot of sweat! But there are so many things much like moving that pop up in our lives, where we’re so prone to saying, “Gosh, I wish someone would give me a hand with this!” It’s things like staying late to work on a project at work, or finding a babysitter, or trying to find a mechanic you can trust. The list just seems to go on and on. But it takes someone who is paying attention to the opportunities to do good things for others to step in, without being asked, and help ease a burden.

• Listening – One of perhaps the most valuable things that we can do for one another rarely costs much more than the minutes on our cell phone plan or a cup of coffee at the neighborhood Starbucks. Just the act of listening can create tremendous value in someone’s life and provide the attention that many people desire. Listening is NOT the same as conversing, so don’t mistake the opportunity

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to listen for a chance to talk about yourself. In times of grief or extraordinary challenge, listening seems like the obvious thing to do; but when it’s not obviously necessary, it can mean quite a bit to the person on the other end. Ask questions, and then allow them to share their thoughts. Ask more questions, and continue to allow them to share. And don’t interrupt them with a story that you want to share – just listen.

Doing good for others is probably part of your nature, but what I want you to take away from this course requires more than just the same-old strategy. That’s why I’ve created a 21-day challenge, which you will find in the Appendix. In that challenge, there is room for 7 people, across the span of 3 weeks. I want you to figure out what you can do for 7 other people, and figure out a way to do it over the course of 3 conversations; first to figure out what they might need or want, second to start solving that need, and third to ensure that you’ve successfully supported them. However, before you get there, I want to also add a few caveats and warnings to the business of doing good for others. Most notably, where I’ve seen many people stumble is that doing good things for people requires that you reach in to the time that you have available, and give it to others. Furthermore, the outcome may not be obvious. There’s always a chance that something you do for someone might never be fully appreciated; in which case you will have to learn to

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accept the success of doing something good for someone without receiving the recognition for it. You’ll have to be okay with those circumstances, because it’s definitely bad form (and potentially more harmful to the relationship in the long run) if you make a big deal about the recognition you think you deserve. Your actions might be perceived as petty or disingenuous. It’s hard to argue the notion that a good deed done with the expectation of something in return is hardly an altruistic act. Reciprocity is one thing, but if you only do good things for others who you expect things back from; that’s not reciprocity. That’s bartering. Be realistic with your time, and be realistic with the expectations you lay out for the people you offer to help. If your friend says they need a ride to their airport, and you know for a fact it’s timed at such a point that you really can’t help them, don’t offer to help! At most, offer to see if you can find someone else who can help, but don’t make promises that you can’t support. It’s okay to admit to someone that you cannot help them, and they’ll appreciate the fact that you considered helping in the first place. Along similar lines, it’s also important to manage how many things you’ve committed yourself to. The average “soccer mom” in the US knows what I’m talking about – between rehearsals, practices, games, and other activities, it’s amazing how well most parents are able to juggle all the copious responsibilities placed on them. Be selective in your approach

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to helping people, and only offer the help if you’ve actually thought about what it will cost you away from something else. I think we could all agree that helping someone is more valuable than a half-hour of TV time, but if you’re already saturated with obligations, don’t let people down with the false hope of support just so you can try to fit in more “good” in your life. Do good things however you can, but most importantly be sincere and genuine in your offers. Plan out what you can do for other people and set aside the time to help them just like it’s a meeting or a scheduled event. If you use Outlook or another calendar application, create a reminder for the thing you need to do. Say, with our cousin example from earlier, perhaps every Monday evening, schedule an event for an hour titled, “Help look for jobs for Suzie.” It doesn’t have to be more complicated than that. When you take the 21-day challenge, you’ll already have a framework for how to learn about what the people you’re connecting with might need for help or support. There are boxes where you can write in the ideas and figure out what to do. But, don’t just rely on this book – use whatever personal organization method you already have working for you, and integrate this process in to your regular routine. There’s a reason why it’s a 21-day challenge – it’s been said that it takes about 3 weeks to form a habit. Imagine being in the habit of scheduling time to reach out and help people!

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If you put this plan into action well, and take the time to work through your steps, soon, you will be connecting people to each other with proficiency. The next page is an example of an email that I sent that connected a great friend of mine (who is a top booking agent in the LA area), with a potential client of well known success. It took me only 10 minutes to put together a detailed email, that may actually change the course of my very well-connected friends career. This is an example of where giving, for the sake of giving, can endear you to those people whom you already know.

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As a final note on this section, I want to remind you that you won’t always be able to do everything that you might want to do. There’s truth to the fact that we need our personal “down” time, to recuperate and recover from the stresses of our daily lives. Even Mother Teresa needed at least a few hours of sleep each night, right? So be sure to balance doing good for others and taking care of yourself, in emotional, physical, and mental aspects. It will be true that sometimes, in trying to do good things for people, you may not succeed. You might become overwhelmed and have to tell someone that you can’t help them. You might help someone and never receive recognition or anything in return except for the knowledge in your own heart that you did something valuable. Be prepared for those sorts of small set-backs, but be more prepared for the incredible amount of abundance that you will receive if you stick with it. Doing good things for good people is one of the best habits you could ever get in to, so I encourage you to start small, but start!

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Magic Questions The foundation to connecting with other people is being able to understand what is important to them. Think about all the valuable relationships in your life at present. Odds are, you have a reasonably good idea of what matters to them. If your client just had a baby, you’d probably have a good idea of what you might be able to do to support your client– perhaps news clippings about safe baby toys or an offer to help out with chores. If your friend expressed interest in volunteering for a charity, perhaps you might offer to volunteer with him. There are a million examples of ways that we inherently know the answers to the “magic” questions for the people that we care about, because we asked the questions a long time ago (or, in the case of family – maybe never had to ask at all). When you forge a new relationship, however, questions become vitally important. There are many schools of thought when it comes to asking questions, so adopt the techniques that feel appropriate to you, and make them authentic. I will share with you some of the best techniques, and some of the things I employ, but conversations don’t just follow a simple roadmap. Creating lasting, worthwhile connections requires more than just playing a game of 20 questions. It requires being quick on your feet, but also genuine concern and attention.

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Throughout life, we’re prompted to meet people in a variety of different ways, in a multitude of different circumstances. Meeting someone at your wife’s office holiday party is far different from attending a networking event, which is far different from showing up at your kids’ little league game. But more often than not, if you want to expand your network and build quality connections, you’ll realize that the quality of the questions that you ask will directly influence the size and scale of the network you’re developing. And, as discussed, the broader and more comprehensive your network, the more likely it is that you’ll be able to create value for those people you want to help, as well as for yourself. So don’t think of social gatherings in limited terms of what you are looking for – think of social gatherings as the opportunity to meet people from all walks of life and who may or may not be someone you can connect with substantially. Getting back to the point: You must learn how to become a great question-asker, no matter what the environment. And, just like with most everything else in life, the only way to become really good at something is to practice! Some people are inherently inquisitive. Think about journalists, or even scientists or expert musicians. Those sorts of people naturally have the desire to ask questions about things, and find out what the answers really mean to people. If you’re friends with anyone involved in journalism, I encourage you to ask them some of their thoughts on how they approach a new

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story – how the earn the trust of the sources that they’re speaking with, and how they cope with the uncertainty of the next conversation that they’ll have. With the friends that I have in journalism, the answer usually revolves around simply trusting that people want to share their story. That, once prompted, people tend to open up very quickly and share even the most astounding details of their lives with virtually complete strangers. We’re all naturally wired to want to talk about ourselves. Your job, as a master connector, is to encourage people to do so. One way that you can think about the approach to asking magic questions is to write down a variety of questions, and then think about how you might phrase them or how they might pop up in conversation. Index cards are great for this purpose, because you can gradually build up a collection of questions that you might use to break the ice, or delve deeper in to someone’s core areas of concern and involvement. On each index card, just use one side, and write down the simplest version of a question that you might ask someone. At first, this may feel a little silly to you. Writing down questions? Seems like going back-to-basics, doesn’t it? But, don’t think of them as just questions. Think of them as one side of the dialog in a script. Like I said earlier, don’t just lock yourself in the exact phrasing of the question. But imagine if you could pivot a conversation from point to point, at your discretion. That would provide you with the ability to control much of the conversation and steer it towards your objectives or towards

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areas that you’re familiar with, helping you discover those opportunities where you can help someone solve a problem or meet a goal. And the more you help other people, the more other people will come to help you. Another important note to think about is the element of self-confidence and outward perception, when it comes to communicating with other people. There’s an expression in the world of public speaking that goes like this: 70% is how you look, 20% is how you sound, and 10% is what you say. Though I’m not going to go in to whether or not the “stats” are absolutely true, there is at least a hint of truth to the expression. We respond directly to people’s appearance, tone, and demeanor. Though I do believe it’s far more important to be thoughtful about what you say than a mere 10% of your attention, it is true that there are other things that people will be looking for when carrying a discussion with you. For instance, if you toss out a series of uninspired and pre-written questions in a dull monotony, do you think people will answer with enthusiasm and energy? No, of course not! To the same extent, if you show up at a meeting of potential clients wearing flip flops and a Tommy Bahama shirt, do you think your questions will carry much weight? Well, unless you work in the surfboard industry, probably not. You must pay attention to your personal demeanor, the tone, inflection, and energy of your questions, and you also want to dress yourself in a manner that conveys that you’re “worth” the conversation.

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People are bombarded with irrelevant questions and marketing & sales come-on’s all day every day. To create a valuable connection, you’ll need to rise above all that background noise and actually capture someone’s attention and interest. People’s time is valuable, and like it or not, we all make snap decisions about someone we meet based on their outward appearance and attire. When you travel, do you wear the most comfortable clothes you can find? Or do you dress like you’re going to an important business meeting? If you’re used to traveling casually, try switching it up next time you fly. Dress like a professional and see the difference in response from the casual conversations you have with people in the airport, in line, or on board. People will respond to a professionally dressed person differently than they would a casually dressed person. This is true for nearly every time you’re out of your house – and as a master connector you’ll want to seek out new opportunities to engage with people. With this in mind, remember to keep your energy level high, your attention and interest engaging, and your physical appearance clean and as professional as is appropriate for the situation. Think about it further: Would you do business at a bank full of bankers wearing sweatshirts? Would you choose an attorney who greeted you in shorts? Would you buy a car from a guy wearing a baseball cap? No, of course not! And, as a point of fact, there’s almost never a time where being the best-dressed person in the room will hurt you or other peoples’ opinion of

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you. Moreover, you might be uncomfortable with being the best-dressed person in the room precisely because people are paying attention to you. Creating Magic Questions If you’ve ever talked to a lawyer, they’ll tell you that all those law shows on TV are just good television. The real world of law involves asking lots of basic questions to get the jury or the judge to listen to one specific statement. People don’t suddenly break down on the stand and reveal the who-done-it. Most lawyers live by the adage: Don’t ask a question that you don’t already know the answer to. When thinking about asking great, deep questions, your adage should probably be more like: Don’t ask questions that you can’t ask another question afterwards! Salespeople live this rule every day.

A great salesperson will tell you that the secret to a powerful sale is to get the customer to openly state that the thing you’re selling them is the thing that they’ve wanted all along. Once a customer says, “Yes, I think the XR-9000 is probably the only thing that will help solve my problem,” you’re not selling the XR-9000 anymore. They’ve already bought it. They just need to sign the credit slip and it’s theirs. So how, as a connector, can you get people to think of you as a solver of problems? Well, you first have to know what their problems are – then you have to actually solve them.

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There are two ways to create a set of questions to start creating a connection. You can go for the direct route, or the indirect route. The direct route is how most good salespeople sell, or how a person manning a tradeshow booth might carry on a conversation. A direct set of questions might include things like:

• “What sort of problems are you having?”

• “What sorts of solutions have you tried so far?” and the

follow up, “Well, you’re still here talking to me, so what

hasn’t worked about the solutions you’ve tried?”

• “What sort of questions do you have about our products

or services?”

• “If I could provide a perfect solution to your problem,

what would it look like?”

Notice how those questions are all extremely direct, allowing a sales or marketing person to steer the conversation down an obvious path. They may be extremely genuine and well spoken,

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and they might even result in a sale! That’s a great outcome for the short term, but as a master connector, you want to pay attention not only to the short term opportunity to sell something, but at the long-term value of the relationship. That’s where indirect questions become more advantageous. As a starter, here is my absolute favorite “magic question”:

“How can I help you?”

Here’s the problem with that question: It’s usually asked by salespeople standing at a counter. They’re not asking the question “How can I help you?”, they’re asking more specifically: “How can I help you buy something from me?” But the truth is, asking someone what you might be able to do to help them – in any aspect of their life – can be a profound opportunity to create a powerful relationship with someone. Whether you believe in karma or not, there’s a profound sense of accomplishment that we can experience when we’ve helped someone who is genuinely in need of assistance. The reality is, often we don’t know who to ask for help; and we don’t believe the people who tell us that they can help. Another way of phrasing the question could be, “What can I do for you?”

Of course, getting to that question might involve much more open discussion ahead of time. Let’s consider a few more indirect magic questions:

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• “What do you like to do for fun in your free time?” – This question can help you quickly determine if you share similar interests with the person you’re talking to. The truth is, some people may have a tough time answering, especially if they’re at a work function – they might not want to admit that they have free time! So, you might want to try this as a different way of phrasing the same general question: “If you wound up with a week’s worth of free time, what sort of things would you do?”

• “What sort of charities or causes do you wish you could get more involved in?” – People are profoundly moved by numerous social causes and purposes. To many people, charity and helping others is one of those things that always feels like it gets pushed to the back-burner. Most people ask the more direct question: “What charities do you volunteer for or donate to?” but I find that it’s too forward. What if the person you’re speaking to doesn’t have a cause they’re passionate about? Then you’ve just asked them to announce to you that they’re not giving to charity. Asking the less-direct question actually may result in a more substantial answer, because they won’t feel put on the spot to think about how much of a deduction they took on last years’ tax filing.

• “If money were no object, what would you do with yourself?” – This is the “career-counselor” question: What do you love to do? I’ve met countless millionaires and even a few billionaires and I can tell you even they sit every now and then and dream about what they’d do

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with more time and financial freedom. This question will prompt people to share their dreams and ideas, and can lead to important discoveries about who they are and where they came from. It will amaze you as you ask these questions how frequently people aren’t doing anything close to what they say they’d do if money weren’t a factor.

• “What sort of hobbies do you enjoy?” – Again, this is an indirect question inspired to allow you to see a more complete picture of the person whom you’re interacting with. The same goes with several other classic icebreakers, like, “What sports do you follow?”, “What’s your favorite team?”, or “What do you like to do for evening entertainment?” The shows we watch, the media we consume – all of these things help influence what we think as well as what we demonstrate concern for.

• “Do you have siblings? What are they like?” – For most people, family is central to our life. Most people jump straight to the discussion about kids because everyone knows that a parent can’t help but discuss their children. You might surprise someone by asking about their siblings or even their own parents – it’s an area of discussion that they’re probably just as likely to have great stories to share, but on a topic they get to discuss far less frequently.

• "What do you want your legacy to be?" - This works great for highly successful and famous people. When you are interacting with people who have had a lot of

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success, they are likely well beyond a point where they are just thinking about their lifetime and their needs. Chances are, they are so secure in who they are that they are looking to leave something behind. Find out what it is. By doing this, you will find out what is truly important to them.

• "Who is one person you have not yet met that you would like to meet?" - This question will give you insight into who they admire and what values they hold dear. It is a great open-ended question which leads to WHY they want to meet this person. Who knows, YOU may be able to help them connect with the very person they are seeking to connect with.

One thing that’s important to note at this stage is the fact that there are ultimately 2 kinds of questions in the world: Open and closed. Closed questions are the anathema of connecting. A closed question is one that results in just a yes or a no answer. So, if you were trying to sell someone a car, you might think, “Do you want to buy the car?” is a good question to ask. And it might be, if you know the answer will be, “YES!” But more realistically, unless you’ve done lots to sell the car and you’re just double-checking that you’re not out of line, the answer will probably be everyone’s preferred default answer: NO. And that might mean the end of the conversation. At a certain point, conversations must come to a close, but don’t ask closed ended questions unless you’re absolutely okay with receiving a closed-ended answer in response.

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Open-ended questions are those that prompt the person answering to come up with a more complete answer; and are what really tends to drive conversations forward. Notice how in the few magic questions that I listed above, only one of them was even close to closed-ended (regarding siblings). And even there, you can direct the conversation about being an only child if their answer was no (say, for instance, “So if you’d had a sibling, would you have preferred a brother or a sister?”). Most magic questions are powerful, provocative, and open-ended, prompting the recipient to provide a complete answer rather than a true or false. When thinking about connecting, do so with purpose in mind. Your objective is to turn the people who you’re around in to valued friends and resources that you can reach out to and who can reach to you for assistance. You’re only ever one connection away from achieving something really important to you, so why not try to learn about what is important to the people who you interact with? Here are some more topics and question ideas that you might want to try to incorporate in to your repertoire.

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Topic areas:

• Food & cuisine – Most people love to talk about their favorite foods, restaurants, health tips, or favorite things to splurge on.

• Travel – Whether for work or play, people travel considerably, and it makes a significant mark on who they are and how they view the world. Asking questions about travel can include not only where they’ve been, but also where they’ve lived, the best travel methods or companies, and the notable sights they’ve seen.

• Shopping – Whether talking fashion or trips to the grocery store, our shopping habits and preferences can be an area of interest. Especially since the past recession, people are more inclined to share shopping tips, coupons, and brand preferences that shape their lives.

• Technology – Some people love tech, some people can’t stand it. Most people have at least something to say about the technology that shapes the way they interact with their personal and professional lives. Let me share with you now a time when I leveraged a discussion about technology to enhance and connection. I do not claim to be a technology expert. I understand the tools I use and what I need to use them for. However, I do very deeply understand the purpose of technology and how valuable the right tools are to the right people. When I met the agent for Justin Bieber,

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Scooter Braun, I was looking for ways to add value to him. Now, many people might mistakenly think that because he has successful artists on his client lists, he knows everything that he needs to know about building fan bases and getting publicity for his clients. However, because I asked the right question, I was able to find out that Scooter was seeking out new technology to assist with the Social Media promotion for Justin Bieber. I just so happen to know someone else who had come out with a new utility to solve just that need. So, what did I do? Correct - I connected them!

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•

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• Society – Social issues can be a tough nut to crack;

things like politics and religion can be brutal in the early stages of a relationship because your views may differ greatly from theirs. But the truth is, people make all sorts of decisions about their views on society and many welcome a debate or discussion on issues they find relevant.

• Health & Wellness – Finding the right balance in life to become healthy and personal happiness is very important to many people. Some perceive personal well-being to be one of the most important activities in their lives that shapes who they are and what they do, and often if they’ve found something that works for them, they want to share those ideas.

• The Future – Though it can be a difficult thing to fit in to an early conversation, people often have an imagination about what they want to do in the future. People close to retirement might be dreaming of driving an RV across the country. Parents are thinking about where their kids will go to college. People of all walks of life at virtually any age might be thinking about starting a business, or changing careers, or writing a book, or trying out a new hobby or activity. Our future goals and dreams help define what we’re doing today, so the more you can understand those goals and dreams, the more you’re likely to be able to create important value in their lives today.

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More magic questions:

• “What was the last book you read that you really enjoyed?”

• “When was the last time you took a vacation? Where did you go? What did you do?”

• “What sort of art do you like?” • “What kind of music do you like?” • “If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you

move to? Why?” • “If you could go back to college, what would you study?” • “What are your top 3 goals for the coming year?” • “Who are people that you wish you could have on speed

dial?” Notice, when it comes to magic questions, they’re often more consequential than the usual banter you hear at networking events. To create powerful and meaningful connections with people you want to really understand who they are, why they think about things the way they do, and start connecting your thoughts of what they might need to the things that you might be able to do to help them. Remember, every relationship begins somewhere, so ask questions that are important to you to understand whether or not there’s a foundation for a lasting connection in front of you by asking relevant questions early and often.

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Mistakes to Avoid

Let’s be honest here. We’ve all met them. You go out to a networking event and there’s that one person who just seems to be missing the point. Instead of creating value in the discussion, they spend as much time as possible talking about themselves. Instead of asking questions in an effort to learn about other people, they ask questions so that they can talk about themselves. I once had a friend explain it in statistical terms to me: The law of large numbers. As you get a large enough sample size, you’ll find more people trending towards the expectations, but you’ll simultaneously increase the probability of finding something far outside the norm. You get 5 people in a room, they’ll probably all be friendly and you’ll probably have the chance to make some great connections. Get 500 people in a room, and odds are one or two of them will be (as my friend Jennifer calls them) “whack-a-doodles!” So, let’s use this chapter to talk candidly not just about how to not be “that guy,” but to avoid the common mistakes that you see throughout the world of networking and connecting. A little self-evaluation and personal critiquing can go a long way towards becoming better at anything – and connecting is no different. Being open to recognizing our flaws and improving important skills is a critical ingredient to success with anything.

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Stop Pitching

One of the most common things that I see at the numerous social events that I attend is the tendency to revert to pitching. Some people are just wired to want to hype themselves, their accomplishments, their company, or whatever else they feel like they need to announce and sell. Typically, this isn’t so much that those people are self-absorbed. It frequently comes down to the fact that people get nervous in social environments, and often can’t stop themselves from talking about what they know or think they ought to be talking about. Think about the nature of most networking events, for most people. You’re supposed to walk in to a room, hand out some business cards, and figure out who is worth talking to the next day to buy your product or service. Few people walk in to a networking event saying to themselves, “I’m going to meet some amazing people who could be the most important connections of my life. I’m going to add value to their lives, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure they feel important and remarkable. I’m going to walk out tonight with the beginnings of a dozen new friendships.” But, for you, as you’ve absorbed the Connection Mastery mindset – you may discover that this is exactly how you approach these opportunities. You can now realize that you don’t have to sell yourself or everything your company offers at all times. You

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can put the pitch down for a period of time, create value in someone else’s life by identifying what’s important to them, and fulfill their needs or wants in a powerful and personal way.

Ask Great Questions

As you read in the previous chapter, asking great questions will lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships – both from a personal and professional slant. Obviously, you shouldn’t expect to walk in to a networking or professional meeting event and walk out with a new best friend. That’s not realistic. It takes years of small activities to create a lasting friendship or professional relationship with someone. But, you could start the ball rolling towards those meaningful connections by asking great questions.

As a connector myself, one of the most powerful questions I can ask is simply this: “What is the most important project that you are currently working on?” And to that, I almost always try to ask the follow up question, “How can I help you?” Remember how that’s one of the most important questions? Instead of being stuck behind a perfume counter at a department store asking a customer walking by, “How can I help you [buy something from me]?” you’re asking them how you can help with genuine interest in supporting their goals

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and objectives. Because I have spent so much of my life focusing on building world-class relationships with highly influential people, I often try to discover who in my network I could apply towards their important project – whether it be a business activity, a personal accomplishment, or a social cause.

Have a Great Verbal Business Card

In some environments, you’ll have the convenience of a name badge or a tradeshow booth to stand in to help convey who you are and what you do. But in most cases, you’ll simply have yourself, a smile, a handshake, and maybe 10-20 seconds of someone’s attention. So that means that you’ve got 10-20 seconds to earn another minute of attention. You better have a good verbal business card! Other people call it by another name: The elevator pitch. Imagine you jumped on an elevator, riding 50 stories to the top of a building, and the most important potential connection also happens to be riding in the car with you. Nobody else to distract, nobody else to blame. If you don’t speak – you may have blown your chance for good. Better have something compelling to offer to pique the other persons’ interest, right?

In most cases, it won’t be as nerve-wracking as an elevator ride with the venture capitalist of your dreams. In most cases, you’ll be face to face with prospects and peers

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and colleagues who will usually ask the question, “So what do you do?” And in the next few seconds, you’ll have the chance to create an impression or give them the basic title and company name that is on most people’s business cards.

One of my good friends is a woman named Ann Convery, and her business is built around crafting these sorts of powerful messages. If you have the chance to hear her speak, I highly suggest you take advantage of the opportunity – it’s worth hearing! But one of the fundamental ideas of her program is that you can take the opportunity when someone asks you what you do, and turn it in to a memorable and worthwhile explanation of who you are and what you might bring to the table. Let’s think about this example:

“I’m the manager of an online marketing company in South Carolina.”

Seems a little ambiguous, right? Of course, if someone were really interested in any of those things, they might ask more questions – but in many cases the message won’t have any real meaning. Well, what if you really amplified the moment – took the opportunity for all it’s worth and really described what you do.

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“I manage a team of experts who help our customers navigate the complexities of finding new customers for their business online.”

Sounds a more appealing, right? If you were running a company, and you were looking for new customers online, you’d probably have a lot of questions for this guy, right? Suddenly, a small descriptor has turned in to a tremendous business opportunity, just with a quick turn of phrase. You can amp it up even further:

“I manage a team of highly-trained marketing experts who have come from top companies all around the country like Google, Microsoft, and Ask.com. We work with small and medium sized businesses to develop online marketing strategies, and our typical customer realizes about a three-fold return on their investment within 3 months.”

There are entire books about the art of crafting powerful and meaningful verbal business cards, but let’s at least consider how “online marketing manager” became an opportunity to not just announce what it is you do but even start demonstrating results and qualities they’re looking for in a client. If you were thinking about doing online marketing, and you just met this person, you’re now thinking that this new connection has

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expertise from Google and Microsoft, works with companies small like yours, and just said that in 3 months he could triple a return on investment. That sounds pretty impressive – better find out more about him! Depending on the niche or specificity of your target customer, you could be talking to a new prospect every time you open your mouth, or hardly at all. If you’re running a restaurant – there’s no reason every person you meet in that town should leave a conversation with you without thinking about when they’ll stop in to try a meal. If you’re a real estate agent, everyone who wants to own or sell their home should leave a conversation thinking about the big move. Obviously, some networking spaces will be more conducive to making your introduction meaningful, but just assume that if you meet 100 people – odds are at least 1 of them will be an ideal client. Don’t be afraid to go a little over the top on the people who aren’t your ideal client or someone you can create a powerful relationship with. It’s okay to realize that many people you’ll meet just aren’t ideal connections – whether personal or professional. But by honing your verbal business card on the people who it doesn’t sink in on, that means you’re more likely to have it well versed when the timing matters.

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Have A Business Card – And Maybe More! I’ll admit that I’m guilty of the sin of forgetting my cards on the desk at home, or in my hotel room. But the reality is that you want to make sure the person you’re talking to walks away with something to remind them later about the encounter. Even if you’ve made an astounding impression on someone, other distractions (both large and small) may let someone forget about who you are or what you had told them. A business card is a minimal starting point – it’s guaranteed to fit in a pocket or wallet and everyone expects them. But, don’t be afraid to take more than just a business card with you, where appropriate. If you’re running your own business, there’s no reason you can’t carry along a simple brochure or flyer outlining some of the products and services you provide. If you’re a piano teacher, you could have little booklets made of how to play Chopsticks or some other introductory song – with a note on the back saying, “If you want to play something different, give me a call!” In that instance, you’re not just giving out a way to contact you – you’re actually handing someone a place to start. If you owned a yoga studio, you could have postcard-sized cards made describing a specific starter position or meditation exercise, with an email, phone number, and website listed. You could

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even add a stamp and encourage people to mail it to a friend (in which case, you’d probably want to hand them two).

If you begin a worthwhile conversation, and you’re technology-minded, you can even use apps to share your complete contact information directly, as well as collect theirs. Text messages can work well too, if you’re out of business cards or want to make sure that both parties are in each others’ phone. Make sure they leave with something from you, and make sure you leave with something from them (if they didn’t forget about this all-important rule too)!

Be Memorable

At the typical networking event, you might expect to meet someone new every 5 minutes. Over the course of two hours, that means that you could have met 24 new people – maybe more. Who is going to stand out in your mind?

Being memorable requires drawing attention to yourself, but more than that, it requires creating a personal connection with the people you interact with. Of course, if you’re the only man in a room full of women, you’ll likely be somewhat memorable – but maybe only in the fact that you stood out like a sore thumb. Part of asking great questions, having a strong verbal

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business card, being dressed for success, and all the other parts that go in to a great first connection opportunity is to create an aura of significance to the chance encounters that we all have.

My friend Jim Kukral wrote an entire book on the subject, titled Attention. The concept is simple – he went out in search of people who have honed the craft of creating a memorable experience when you meet them so that you can’t forget about the encounter. It can be an over-the-top outfit, a funny way of introducing yourself, or the way you ask valuable questions and immediately start becoming a Value Creator in the course of the conversation. Whatever your hook might be, make it good, and keep trying new things until you start seeing success from it – and then stick with it and use it twice as often!

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Don’t be a “Hijack Hal”

As I described earlier in this chapter, we’ve met people in personal and professional networking encounters that are prone to hijacking conversations. If you’ve practiced the art of asking great questions and seeking remarkable personal connections with other people, you’ll discover that it’s easy to avoid accidentally hijacking a conversation because you’ll be so keyed in to what the other person is talking about that it just won’t occur to you. However, when the conversation turns to you, you should take the opportunity to speak briefly and substantively. The expression that I like to use when thinking about how to avoid becoming a conversation hijacker is this: You were given two ears and one mouth; use in that proportion. If you find yourself talking more than the person you’re conversing with, find an appropriate place to pause and then return to one of your powerful “magic questions.” At any time you should be able to whip out many questions that can get the other person talking about themselves, and you can learn more about what they need and want and how you can add value in the long run.

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Build Rapport through Mirroring You’ll find yourself in a variety of different social environments – from business networking events, personal activities, or even flying on an airplane. You should make sure to adjust your tone and body language appropriately for the environment that you’re in. Even if you’re sitting next to the biggest venture capitalist in the country and you’re desperately trying to fund your new startup – if you’re at a baseball game, figure out what he thinks is appropriate and mirror him (within, obviously, your own comfort level). Mirroring isn’t about becoming a carbon-copy of the person that you’re interacting with, but it is about taking the time to recognize the tone, posture, and unspoken cues that should let you understand what “normal” is for the other person. If you’re at a baseball game and happen to find yourself next to a powerful person of influence, don’t treat it like a business networking event. And vice-versa is true as well: if you’re at a business networking event, don’t slouch in your chair or act like you’re at a baseball game! Adaptation isn’t about being disingenuous. Don’t think that because you’re adapting to the environment or the people you’re speaking with that you’re not being true to yourself. It’s easy to adapt to the place without losing sense of who you are, and it’s easy to adapt to the expectations of others by slightly adjusting your tone and demeanor to better fit what they’re demonstrating to you. Just be sure they’re not doing

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the same! About the last thing you want is for the two of you to be unable to move or act due to the slow degradation of non-verbal cues between each other.

Follow Up Fast The average US adult receives thousands of marketing messages from a dozen different mediums throughout every single day. You may have caught someone’s attention yesterday, but what happens today? It’s up to you to follow up rapidly and with substance. There’s really no sense in delaying a great opportunity or an encounter to add value in someone else’s life, so why wait? In some cases when I attend networking events, I will return to my home or hotel room and write thank-you notes and follow up emails that very same evening. The one way to ensure that you’re not missing the timing of your follow up is to just ask during your first meeting. Find out what someone’s schedule looks like and see if you can schedule the follow-up event. The only important caveat to that plan is that if you schedule something – be sure to follow through with it! Otherwise, I’d say don’t be afraid to follow up as quickly as you feel like you’ve got something worth saying. You should also remember that the follow-up is nearly as important as the first encounter. Perhaps you shined at the

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introductory step, but if your follow up is a mere “Nice to meet you, let’s stay in touch.” – What sort of value are you creating? Demonstrate that you were listening to their answers by finding a way to personalize the follow up. Also worth noting is to follow up once quickly, but then don’t be a pest. Perhaps the introduction didn’t go as well as you thought it did, or perhaps the other person is simply overwhelmed with critical issues or responsibilities. Give them a few days to respond, and then provide another follow up. If that still doesn’t yield a response, try one more time, maybe a week later. After 2-3 tries, if you still don’t get a response, don’t take it personally. Simply realize that not every single person we meet is going to be a connection, and stay focused on the other people you met and add value to them.

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Believe You Can Add Value I want to close this chapter to dispel the doubt that many people have in their minds that they cannot create value in the lives of the people that they meet. That is simply not true, and I hope you are already thinking about ways to reach out to your existing connections and start adding new value in to the lives of people you already know. There’s a reason why I’ve created a 21-day plan – because becoming a VC can and should be habitual. It’s easy to let small missteps overwhelm you or get you down, but if you stay at it you’ll discover that you’re able to create a tremendous amount of value in the lives of all sorts of people. It’s also not true that just because someone is in a position of power or wealth that there aren’t things you might be able to do to genuinely add value to their lives, without costing you to deplete your bank account.

Become creative in your manner of value creation, and become consistent in your determination to do so. It’s also okay to realize that sometimes you’re just not in a position to help all of the people with everything. You can put some connections on the back-burner for a period of time and not give them your full attention. Depending on how you decide to organize your relationships and communications, you should have what most salespeople call a “tickler” file – a list of people you’ve interacted with, know you can create some sort of value for, but never quite figured it out. Reach in to your

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tickler file and drop some notes from time to time. Personal letters are a treat for most people – don’t be afraid to write a letter saying hello and suggesting something of relevant value to the recipient. Even if it’s simply a recipe cut out or an article from the newspaper that they might find interesting. Even small acts of personal goodness are appreciated and worthwhile.

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Playing the Bigger Game What would you do if you were in charge? Not just of your business (maybe you already are), but of the big picture? Do you think you’d know how to run a Fortune 500 company? What about become a congress person? Obviously, this book isn’t about trying to get you to go out and run for office or take charge of General Electric – but I do want you to think about playing the bigger game. Ultimately, if you’re doing something of consequence that really matters to the people who listen to your message and receive value in the things you do – you’ll want to reach more and more people. You’ll want to get in to the bigger markets, you’ll want to touch and positively affect as many lives as you can. If you’re a personal trainer and know a workout that can absolutely improve someone’s health, sense of well being, be less stressed and more alert, and live a longer, happier life – why wouldn’t you want to share that message and those methods with everyone you possibly could? If you’re a real estate agent and you know all the neighborhoods and the best schools and the best way to help people afford the home of their dreams – why wouldn’t you want to get as many customers as possible? If you’re a dating coach, and you can help someone present themselves in the best possible way to attract the man (or woman) of their dreams, and you can

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show them how to find deep, meaningful love in their life – why would you keep those techniques a secret?

No matter what you’re interested in doing or what you’re doing today, it’s your responsibility to do it the best you possibly can. Once you’ve created a way for people to embrace it and realize it’s full potential – it’s up to you to get yourself in to the big game. There are four key ways that people and businesses earn new customers, and I want to draw examples from the biggest and best players because why would you bother modeling yourself after anyone else? If you want to read an entire book about this concept, read the excellent book Good to Great by Jim Collins. For the moment though, let’s dial in on the four key ways to earn business, and start thinking about how you can add value, earn new business, and expand your earnings dramatically.

One – Better Marketing If you want to know about better marketing, look no further than a little company based in Cupertino, California. You may have heard of them: Apple. Apple has mastered the art of the product launch in such a way that it’s almost unbelievable to imagine that this little

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computer company was nearly bankrupt and gone not two decades ago. They are (as of this writing) the number-one technology company in the world, with a market capitalization of $327 billion dollars. By market capitalization alone, Apple is second only to Exxon Mobil. They provide a premium-quality product that has many competitors, yet they continue to dominate in just about every sector they play in. Even their personal computer market – once the laughable computer of school kids and Mac-friendly creative types – is gaining market share and position. Travel to any conference or seminar, and look at how many Apple logos you see on the desks of people working.

So what’s the secret to how Apple is playing the big game? Well, in this case, it’s the Apple hype magic machine. Since the early 2000’s, Apple has had a string of virtually nonstop successes. They introduced the iPod in 2001 as a portable music device that could hold “1,000 songs in your pocket.” But this was competing within an already crowded market of MP3 players. How did it become the ubiquitous device? How did the white ear bud become the de facto standard of portable music?

The answer is that Apple played a powerful marketing message over and over. They provided a clear benefit to owning an iPod – it was a classically Apple product. Cleanly designed,

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easy to use and operate, sturdy, and not entirely unaffordable. Of course, Apple had the pronounced benefit also of having a core fan base of customers to adopt the product early, and those early customers become huge brand advocates of the iPod product line.

They further pushed the marketing envelope by creating stunning “launch” events, happening at a rapid clip since the launch of the i-Devices. At the Macworld annual event in San Francisco, for years all in attendance would crowd the auditorium at the Moscone center to hear Steve Jobs share his vision of what was the new “cool.” Time and time again, they really were. Marketing is so much more than just the pitch and the ad campaign. Apple paid attention to virtually every detail as they built new versions of the iPod – later to include the iPhone, iPad, the new MacBooks, the Apple TV’s, and who knows what else will be revealed in the future. They paid attention to the packaging. The boxes were made from sturdy cardboard that felt smooth to the touch. Even before you got the product in your hand, you felt more sophisticated. Once you had the product in your hands, you couldn’t help but admire the manufacturing quality. The lines were clean. The metals and plastics were solid yet smooth. Things fit together just right. It didn’t feel like the cheap CD players that had been the solution throughout the 90’s. Suddenly, you could store every

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CD you’d ever owned, with room for new music, in a device that fit in your hand and slipped neatly in your pocket. And the unique white ear buds you placed in your ear would announce your sophisticated taste in high quality electronics. In the last few years, Apple product launches have become social and media events. People line up outside of Apple’s gorgeous retail stores for days ahead of time for the chance to be the first out the door with a new iPhone. But what prompted people to even be in line at the stores ahead of time? The unbelievable presentation powers of Steve Jobs. I have watched many of Steve Jobs’ presentations online (and you can too, they’re available on Apple’s website as well as on iTunes), and I have to say they’re worth watching for anyone interested in learning how to do a presentation right. He is the master – the absolute master – of presenting a product in the context of a big idea. He uses powerfully emotive words, such as love, great, incredible, amazing, awesome, wonderful, and many more. He’s exuberant and excited, and he doesn’t let up throughout a presentation. His visual presentation is clean and uncluttered, allowing the viewer to quickly absorb the important messages both visually and audibly. It helps that the products they are producing are well designed and innovative, but more than that – by the end of the presentation he’s created tremendous value in the mind of the consumer. You can’t watch a Steve Jobs presentation and at least want to try out one of the products he’s announced.

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So what does this mean for you, and how does all of this apply to your connection mastery? Well, what I want to reinforce is that you’re always marketing – you’re always selling. Every last detail is worth considering, because you never know who is paying attention to what. I’ve met people who said they were impressed with the shoes I was wearing when I met them. Think again about the experience of Apple’s product packaging – if they care enough about the packaging to pay attention to it, doesn’t that start to leave you thinking that perhaps the product is really amazing too? When you’re connecting with people, connect as if you’re Steve Jobs. Use powerful and evocative words, and follow up with really worthwhile products and services. Marketing is more than just an ad campaign and a fancy tagline.

Two – Better Distribution

When you think distribution, there should be only one name that rises above all others. That name is Walmart. They are the largest Fortune 500 company, and employ more people than some countries. The secret to their success was never more complicated than getting the things people wanted, in abundance, to the places they wanted to shop, and to price it as cheaply as possible. Walmart competed with grocery stores, department stores, electronics retailers, furniture stores, outlet

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stores, hardware stores, automotive supply stores, and many others. Yet, as each competitor tried to compete – they discovered that they just couldn’t match the juggernaut from Arkansas.

Walmart was founded by Sam Walton in the early 1960’s as a general department store, but didn’t become the powerhouse it is today overnight. It took decades of trial-and-error, new models, gradual expansion, and increased purchasing power before it really became synonymous with shopping throughout the US for millions of people. Now, in some markets, it’s virtually the only place people go shopping. You can buy everything from big-screen televisions to underwear, from windshield cleaner to avocados. If you want it, odds are, Walmart’s got it – at a price that will make it easy for you to say “yes.”

How did they become this amazingly powerful retailer? In the late 80’s and early 90’s, they made critical investments in to their distribution network, which allowed them to become so much more flexible yet knowledgeable about the desires of their customers and the best possible way to get products to the places that people wanted to buy them. As computer technology became available (much of which was pioneered at Walmart’s demand), stores could update inventory in real time – which meant that the distribution center could know exactly

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how many more cases of Dawn dishwashing soap to put on the truck headed out to the store in Atlanta that evening. They knew exactly what price would yield the most sales, and pressured their suppliers to slash prices – all for the customers’ benefit. They kept their stores spartan and uniform; a customer could walk in to a Walmart anywhere across the country and know their way around. They created an entire universe in Bentonville, Arkansas where businesses would go to pitch their products to Walmart’s buyers. They worked every penny out of every step of the supply chain on every product – even demanding new formulations of products or new packaging sizes to meet their strict shelving and shipping requirements. China supplied huge quantities of goods to American brand names because the demand for lower-cost goods forced US companies to move production overseas in an effort to reduce labor and supply costs.

Not everything about Walmart is appreciated by everyone. Certainly, Target has found itself able to compete against Walmart by providing many of the same types of products, but with more flair and design styling. Many people in the US choose not to shop at Walmart because they prefer to support smaller, local businesses; even if it means paying higher prices. But to millions of Americans, Walmart has worked the distribution model so well that the prices just make all the difference. Walmart has created astounding abundance of consumption ability – they’ve created tremendous value for

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their customers. Even a non-Walmart shopper at a competitor saves money because of the demands to lower prices in the markets they play in.

So what does the notion of distribution have to do with becoming a master connector? Well, first and foremost, it means that if you want to play the bigger game, you better be distributing yourself far and wide. You better work to wring out as many costs as you can from everything that you do, so that the price and value of your offer (whatever you’re offering) is undeniable.

Distribution is about more than just warehouses and delivery trucks. It’s about recognizing what customers want as quickly as the customer does; about getting that solution to the customer as quickly as they’ve realized it, and pricing it so that the customer simply can’t figure out a reason to say “no.” Even if you’re a small niche player in a small marketplace, it’s important to realize that you need to be where your customers are. If you sell accordion lessons, you better get yourself to as many places that aspiring accordion players might be. And more to the point, you probably want to figure out how to put your accordion lessons on DVD’s, in books, on CD’s, on the Internet, and anywhere else that you can distribute your solution. Get your solutions to the lowest cost to the widest market, and you’ll find yourself playing in the bigger game.

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Three – More Innovative

While it might seem like the Apple story would be appropriate for this section as well, it’s not entirely true. There were already MP3 players when the iPod was launched. There were already smart phones when the iPhone took off. But no, if you want to look at one of the most remarkable innovation stories of the last quarter-century, look no further than the company who has made itself the king of the information world during the Information Age. Google. Founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin – a pair of Stanford graduate students at the time – Google began actually as a research experiment. It wasn’t dreamed up by a pair of corporate tycoon wannabe’s. They were simply two college kids working on trying to figure out how to organize this new thing called the Internet. Yahoo was already a major player at the time, and other companies like AOL, Excite, and Alta Vista were all vying for position in the market. What made Google different? Well, in the simplest terms, they created a different way of looking at the importance of web pages online. While most early search engines simply ranked websites based on how frequently the search terms appeared on a web page, Google took a new approach. Since the

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Internet was initially created to make it easy for websites to “link” to one another, they created a system to determine what sites on what particular topics were linked to more frequently. They realized that influence is a direct result of how frequently people say you’re relevant. The more people who say you’re important (by linking from their web page to yours) the more Google would value your website on that particular topic.

For instance, as the web was just starting up, there were only a few places online to find things. Search engines would “crawl” pages to seek out keywords, such as “pecan pie.” If someone searched for “pecan pie,” on Yahoo in the early days, the results would be whatever pages had the most iterations of that term. People could reasonably easily game the system by adding more of the same “keywords” to a page. Google, on the other hand, would look at all the pages on the web that linked to that one recipe about pecan pie. If more people linked to it, that probably meant that it was the best pecan pie recipe online, and therefore Google would give it the highest ranking in its search results. As more websites were built and millions and then billions of people came online, it became critically important to find high-quality results quickly. Google’s innovative algorithm had worked the best, and to this day is the definitive search engine on the web. Google’s innovation led to tremendous value for its users, and it also created a fantastic new category for advertisers. If you

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were in the market for a new mattress, you might start by looking online and doing a Google search for “best mattress.” Well, if you were a mattress supplier, you’d probably be really eager to get your brand in front of that customer at that very moment. For the first time in history, advertisers could be virtually guaranteed to be in front of customers at the very moment the customer was starting their buying decision. This type of advertising market is called contextual marketing, and has proven to be one of the most powerful marketing innovations since the television commercial.

So, what does Google’s innovation mean to you as a connector? Most importantly, I believe it’s important to realize that their innovation was essentially taking something complex and providing a simple solution. Think about even Google’s home page. Though it’s undergone some revisions over the years, it’s pretty much just a blank search box and a couple of buttons. You type in a word, and it spits out a reasonably clean list of results. The innovation wasn’t in creating something complicated and futuristic. The innovation was taking something complicated and futuristic and making it simple and accessible. Are you as simple and accessible? When people hear your company’s name, or hear your name, do they have a clear understanding of what it is they’re dealing with?

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Innovation isn’t necessarily about technology either (though that’s probably the most obvious place it’s apparent). Innovation is about exploring new ways of doing things, and discovering what works better or doesn’t. If it’s better, keep it, and keep improving it. If it’s not better, get rid of it quickly and move on. When you meet new people, try innovating new techniques to capture their interest or create value for them. Don’t be afraid to push an envelope or two. You want to become memorable – you want to stand out as the most distinguished [insert what you are here] that you can be! Doing what everyone else is doing might be safe and comfortable, but if that’s your plan than you better get used to falling behind. Other people are innovating; it’s up to you to decide to lead, follow, or get out of the game.

Four: Better Connected

I’ll put it this way. In a world of influence and connections – becoming a masterful connector is perhaps as critical as putting on a Steve Jobs’-quality presentation, or creating a Walmart-scale distribution model, or innovating a pioneering new way to retrieve information. The classic saying of “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know” is true more today than perhaps ever before – especially in this hyper-connected, social media, 24/7 world we live in now. In the past, people could be power brokers by simply masking their connections from those

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who wanted them. Today, the barriers to connect with many people are down to just a phone number or an email address. A single connection – a well placed recommendation – could change your entire life. And it’s not unreasonable to imagine that you can access that connection simply by learning how to communicate with people and create value for others.

To illustrate the amazing power of connectivity, think about Oprah Winfrey, and Oprah’s Book Club. Inclusion in to the Oprah book club list is the same as saying, “Here, have a million dollars.” There’s no comparison in the literary world. She says you’re good, and suddenly your marginally successful book just became the #1 New York Times bestseller for that month. It’s almost a certainty. But Oprah’s tremendous influence didn’t come overnight. It wasn’t as if she didn’t ward of competitors for the decades that she’s been on television. Her program began as just another daytime talk show, competing with Phil Donahue, Sally Jesse Raphael, and other mid-day hosts. Guests would come on and discuss their dramatic lives, and the audience would laugh or cry accordingly. But throughout the mid-1990’s, Oprah decided to dramatically change the format of her show, and in doing so became one of the most influential media figures in the world. She turned a talk show centered around taboo topics and tabloid-style voyeurism to one of hope, optimism, self-improvement, and enlightenment. Instead of interviewing the

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most ridiculous and despicable characters, she brought in people who would discuss important self-discovery, or new ways of thinking about meaningful parts of life (predominantly woman-oriented, to cater to her massively loyal audience of women). Clearly, if you had Oprah on speed dial (and she actually took your phone call!), you would be a powerfully influential person in your own right. Imagine if you could discover something that was important to you, give Oprah a call, and share with her what you consider valuable and worthwhile. Maybe she might have something else on her mind; but maybe you prompt her to discover that she too is interested in the topic. CNBC hosted an entire one-hour special about this: it was titled “The Oprah Effect.” Think about how powerful she is that not only does she have an influential show, her show is so influential that an entire news hour was dedicated to sharing the story about how much her influence can change other peoples’ lives. One connection. You may be just a single connection away from having access to everything you could possibly need or want to accomplish anything that you set your mind to. This is absolutely real and absolutely worth pursuing. To recap, there are really four major ways that you can play the bigger game:

Better marketing. Better distribution.

Better innovation. And Better connectivity.

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Earning Access If you want “in” – to virtually anything in life – then you need to get the people of influence to understand that they need you there. Seth Godin wrote a hugely popular book on this concept, aptly titled Linchpin. If you want to be important – be important! Wanting does not make it so. Doing things will. You have to take the time to create things of value that people will want or need. Once you’ve done that, you’ll then need to determine the best way to make sure that the people who want or need what you’re offering is available to them. This is practically the definition of value, and it’s the foundation of business since the first wheel was traded for the secret of how to light your own fire.

For most people, the process of gaining access seems overwhelming. It seems filled with challenges that they can’t overcome or aren’t willing to try to attempt. The reality is that creating value in people’s lives is simply fulfilling wants and needs. The most powerful way to become influential is entirely wrapped in the notion of being irreplaceable. That was the foundation of Seth Godin’s book. If you are so important that the thought of replacing you is unimaginable, well then you’ve become exceptionally influential. You’ve become a Person of Influence, and from that point you can determine what you think is important or worth caring about and get other people to rally to your cry. If you’re a product manager with a high

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degree of influence and you can’t be easily replaced, then odds are the features that you feel are most important will be what’s baked in to the next version of your company’s new product. Think about the enormous amount of influence that an industrial designer has at Apple, or the supply chain operations director has at Walmart. Moreover, since only a small handful of people in the world might be able to do the job as well as those people, they can command a high degree of rewards, financially as well as in terms of personal freedom and self-expression.

To become influential in the world today, you need to focus on becoming a thought leader in your area of expertise. You need to pick something that you’re already good at and figure out how to package your ideas and solutions in such a way that you become the definitive expert. There are many things that you can do to help people recognize the work that you’ve invested in becoming worth considering in your market space.

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Have a Book

If you want to be considered an expert on something, one of the best ways to gain traction and attention is to write a book on the subject. Since the invention of the printing press, the ability to harness the written word is one of the core foundations of influence. Even in our technological information age, the book is still a standard bearer for expertise. The amusing part is, for many people in influential positions, they don’t even necessarily have time to read your book. They might admire the cover, see who wrote the introduction or provided a quote on the back cover, and deem you worthy of being “in.”

Writing and publishing a book is easier today than ever. So many tools are available to help people author and publish books, it’s amazing that everyone doesn’t have at least one or two titles sitting on shelves somewhere. If you’re not a very good writer, but have valuable things to say, you don’t even necessarily have to be the one to put every word to paper. You can do things like take audio recordings of yourself and send it off to professional transcriptionists who will turn your speeches in to clear writing. Higher quality ones will even clean up your meaning and language, allowing you to not only spread your message but also ensure that it’s written with the deft hand of a skilled copywriter. Once you’ve written your

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book, did you know that you can self-publish it? Sites like Lulu.com make it easy to order minute quantities (even just a single copy). You can pay a small fee on self-publishing sites like Lulu to receive an ISBN (International Standard Book Number) and get your book listed on Amazon.com; printed on-demand whenever someone orders a copy. If you have a powerful network already, you may be able to catapult your book to “best seller” status in one of the niche categories, granting you the marketable position of “best selling author” or “author of the #1 selling book on dog grooming on Amazon.” It might not be the NY Times literature list, but it’s a laudable accomplishment and will certainly garner the attention of those influential people you’re trying to connect with. At a minimum, it gives you the aura of credibility.

Write Articles and Give Reports

Did you know that most magazines are only staffed by a handful of “house” writers? Even the largest and most popular magazines tend to provide some room in their issues for submissions by freelance writers. Of course, the more popular the magazine, the more difficult it will be to get your article placed in their pages. That doesn’t mean that writing articles isn’t worth pursuing. For one, I suggest you look for smaller, niche magazines – especially trade journals. Trade journals are typically driven by freelance submissions by people just like

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you – seeking to share their ideas and gain recognition through the publishing of their work.

To submit an article, you’ll want to make sure that you understand the audience that magazine, website, or trade journal is targeting. Don’t write an article about green energy policy and try to get it published in Modern Bride. Do NOT, under any circumstances, write an article about yourself or your company. Not only does it mean there’s close to zero credibility, the reality is that it probably won’t be very good. Unless you’re sharing the top 10 things that went horribly wrong, and you’re willing to let everyone in on your faults, your article will probably end up being self-engrossing and absurd. Write about things that are relevant to your peers, relevant to the people whom you desire to influence, current, specific, and original.

Participate Online

Years ago, a study was performed that said that of all the comments online, only 4% of people online actually participated in the generation of new content. That means that 96% of the people online were just spectators. While those numbers have shifted (people are far more likely to host a blog, participate in online forums, or comment on websites,

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videos, or articles they’ve discovered) the truth is that you can gain influence if you participate.

If your goal is to be perceived as the dominant expert on a topic in your field of interest, you’ll probably want to scour the online world to find out who’s in that position already. Look up who’s blogs appear towards the top of the Google results, and figure out what they’re saying and what people’s responses are. Comment on their blog. Start discussions on your own website that contradict points that the current “experts” are making (but, of course, only do this when you actually disagree). If it’s a highly saturated environment – say like political commentators – don’t go after Rush Limbaugh. He’s too big, and too many people already have built a cottage industry around disagreeing or agreeing with him. Look for people who are just a step ahead of you, and discover what they say and do that attracts followers. Emulate, but don’t copy, their methods. Strike up debates, and encourage people to shout back at you online.

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Sponsor a Study

If you’re in an industry that’s in flux (which, right about now is pretty much all of them), the people in influential positions are yearning for concrete information. Research reports of varying degrees of importance can be commissioned and developed by yourself or by third-parties (from college students to professional research & reporting firms). Seek out an issue of concern that doesn’t have clear answers or understanding, and spend some time trying to find clear data about it. From there, compile that data and then turn that data in to information. Provide a clear executive summary, and distribute it far and wide throughout your industry – by mail, by email, by fax – whatever method you can use. Issue press releases about your findings and send those releases to all the trade publications and news outlets that might be even slightly interested in the topic. The notion of the “news cycle” is almost a thing of the past – at this point, journalists are pressured to fill a nearly perpetual demand for fresh news on just about everything. If you want to be perceived as the expert in a field, get your name on the report that everyone is talking about.

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Interview Experts

Whether you interview experts to create blog articles, write articles for trade journals, push podcasts on to iTunes or through your website, or publish the videos on YouTube, it doesn’t really much matter how you convey the information. The important fact is that if an expert is talking to you, that grants you some degree of credibility and authority. If you’ve interviewed the top 10 experts in your industry, that means that you’ve probably become not only an expert yourself, but also a POI. If people perceive that you have the ability to capture the top 10 experts for a few minutes of their time on a consistent basis, they’ll assume that you’re friends with those people (or at least a professional colleague).

Create Your Own Group

Want to become President of the Westchester Community Real Estate Marketing Alliance? Done. It’s that simple. Just make up a group and anoint yourself in charge. Realistically for this to have any impact, you’ll probably want to have, well, members. But the fact is, there’s really nothing stopping you from creating a social or professional group. Websites like Meetup.com exist entirely to facilitate these sorts of ad hoc organizations, and there’s plenty of niches that have yet to be filled. Creating a group doesn’t require vast sums of money or

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even a large amount of existing influence. You simply need to provide the context for the group to exist, and then see if anyone bites.

Create Artificial Leverage

This step is a little trickier, but what I mean by “artificial” leverage is to tap in to whatever you already have at your disposal and see if you can make an end-run to the people you want to connect with. For instance, what’s stopping you from writing an open letter to the CEO’s of the top companies that you want to influence, outlining what you believe to be the largest market opportunity currently being overlooked. You might even publicly carbon copy each recipient of your letter, to make sure the recipients are aware of whoever else is reading this. If it’s an accurate and worthwhile idea, not only will you have shared an idea; you’ll have demonstrated that you know who the players are as well. If you’re really breaking ground in the industry space, one (or several) of those CEO’s might reach out to you for further discussion. If for no other reason, than to make sure that the other recipients don’t get to you first. Maybe you don’t start at the CEO level. They get too much in front of them anyways. But the idea is ultimately very simple: create the illusion of leverage or influence, and it may just

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appear. However, it’s important that you take in to account that there may be moving parts to the industry or relationships that you’re trying to establish that you don’t fully realize. Don’t do something as brazen as sending a letter describing the faults of one of the CEO’s in charge of one of the companies and expect a positive response. Create value, don’t incite anger or resentment.

Influence the Influencer’s Influencer

I can’t help but write that headline. It’s actually exactly what I want to convey. Who can you access easier than the core person that you’re interested in influencing? Typically, the people of powerful influence trust many degrees of assistants and advisors well outside of what might be considered their “peer” group. To illustrate the point, I will share how I found myself on stage with T. Harv Ecker at his Masters of Influence conference. It started literally a year before, when I discovered that the opportunity existed but I didn’t have a direct way of gaining access to T. Harv. However, I had heard that one of his trusted support personnel was also working on some other projects for people that I did know. So, I called my friend Bill Bartman and flew out to see him. At the event that he was throwing (where I helped out in a variety of ways), this woman was there too (I’ll refer to her as Mrs. X). Her and I spoke, exchanged ideas about some things, and tried to find ways to

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help and support one another. Though nothing immediately came to pass, we continued to stay in touch, and I continued to discover ways to add value throughout the course of the year. Finally, I got a phone call from Mrs. X announcing that she’d pulled a few strings and I was invited to come be on the Masters of Influence stage and share my message next to T. Harv Ecker himself. This is a prime example of the importance of the gate keeper! Don’t ever underestimate the importance that their word carries up the ladder. You can add a lot of value to them as well, and not only does that mean they’ll have more time or joy in their lives, but it may provide you special access when the time is right. Be patient and be supportive.

Stay Informed on Who Is Influential

When you’re at a networking event, or when you’re writing articles, or when you’re thinking about who to write an introductory letter to, it’s important that you have a clear understanding of who is actually in a position of influence within the industry or space that you’re trying to gain access to. It doesn’t do you much good if you believe that person A is the influential one, only to spend your time, energy, and resources to learn that it was person B all along!

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Gaining access to certain circles will require that you’re abreast not only of the changes that will happen in the industry at large, but also about the people who are central to that space. Keep a list of the top 10-20 people who you want to gain access to, and make sure you’ve got a decent idea of what they are up to. If you hear that someone is about to publish a book, go pre-order it on Amazon, and write a blog post about your anticipation of the forthcoming release. Share that post with your existing contacts and connections. If nothing else, you’ve created value for the person that you’re trying to reach. At best, you might get noticed by that influential person, and therefore gain (though it might be small) some access in to the environment you’re seeking to become a part of.

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Stay Social

The next chapter is about social networking. Though this book is not about connecting through social networking sites, I would be remiss if I left them out entirely. Social networking is an important part of the contemporary connection landscape, and as such you should participate in it as best you can. Gaining access to the influential networks and connections you desire is a challenging activity. It requires staying on top of your industry and the many moving targets that it’s comprised of. It requires publishing and creating new things of value that those people can read about and identify you as an expert in the field. There’s no single thing that you can do that will elevate your status to become remarkable to everyone all at once. You’ll want to try new ideas, stay focused on your goals and objectives, and actively work to create new contributions to the body of knowledge and expertise that you desire recognition from.

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Social Media Social Media is an amazing way to deepen your connections to other people. Look around you right now, and, chances are, you will easily find someone posting a Facebook update or tweeting about their plans for the evening. Through the use of these tools, people are now able to find people that they have not seen or heard from in 40 years. That said, Social Media is not just about the past, it is about connecting to new people. If you pay close attention to any Facebook page, you will identify a wealth of information about - who they are, their background, what they are working on, their families, their goals, events they are attending - ect. Facebook isn't just about friending and having 5,000 friends. It is about having the ability to communicate all about who you are in once central location, where everyone who cares enough to know can check in on you. The use of Social Media is two-fold for you. On one hand, you must utilize it to stand out, to establish your area of expertise, to give to others, to establish your reputation, and to connect to those who you seek to bring into your own network. So, on one hand, it is about you. On the other hand, Social Media is about you connecting to others. It is a way to determine what is important to those in your network,

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to determine which of your connections overlap, to seek out a connection to a person you do not yet know well, to find out what those that are important to you are shouting to the world. Leading marketing experts all agree SM should be a strategic part of your business. However, many people quickly find themselves overwhelmed and not effectively utilizing or benefiting from social media. The truth is that it really is not all that complicated. It is just rather new.

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The Power of Your Social Network It’s not just about who you know, it’s about who your contacts know, and your ability to access their resources, or your ability to enroll your contacts to refer you or recommend you. Social media can be used as a Marketing, Public Relations and Networking resource. What you need: A social media strategy. I am by no means a social media expert. What I can tell you, however, is that I do frequently use social media to connect to those I care about. Facebook and Twitter allow me a quick and easy way to reach out to my network. So, my plan is centered around my goals. You should develop a plan that is right for you.

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Commitment: Social Media is not a get rich quick process, although when done right, results can be quick. You need to have a 30 day getting started and at least a 3 month commitment for consistent day to day activity. Ideally you want a 6 month strategy integrated Social Media / marketing strategy outlined.

Now, there are a ton of Social Media outlets and new ones arising every day. I do NOT recommend that you try to use them all. That would just waste time. But, there are a set of Social Media outlets that are relevant and are important today. Those, in my opinion, are:

• Facebook • Linked In • Twitter • Your website • Blogs

Please have a look at Appendix 3 - "The Social Networking Survival Guide" for detailed steps to get your Social Networking started.

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Gaining Access The previous chapter was all about the things you can do to gain access – but how do you actually get yourself there? How do you transition from sitting at home and not doing these activities to creating leverage and influence in the space that you want to affect? You need start by realizing that the most important thing that you can do is to take action. Action is the catalyst for results. If you don’t do anything, then you can’t expect anything to be different later, right? So you need to come up with a plan of action that takes in to account your actual capabilities, availability, and of course your objectives and goals. It doesn’t do much good to come up with a 57 step plan of action that will only result in you getting one step closer to your goal. There’s a classic saying in the business world that seems appropriate here: Those who fail to plan, plan to fail. Central to your plan of action should be how you’re going to create curiosity. Believe it or not, curiosity is the genesis of virtually all sales. You’ll want to figure out how to describe your solutions and methods without actually telling people your solutions and methods. If you give away the horse, the cart won’t do you much good, right? Figure out how to phrase your ideas and solutions in such a way that when packaged together you can shroud it in a veil of mystery; something

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elusive that only the privileged few can gain access to. While it’s absolutely true that you should create value in other people’s lives, it’s also been entirely true that you need to earn a living as well. Unless you’re sitting on a pile of cash at the moment, you must temper those value offers that you provide with something that will make people curious and something that will allow people to invest in your solution or product. This is critical to helping you realize that your goal should have a monetary end to it, though that monetary component shouldn’t be the only reason why you’re pursuing your goals.

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Where to Go

Nearly every industry has at least one professional organization already established. Many industries or fields of interest have dozens, if not hundreds of niche and hyper-niche events designed to cater to the far-flung interests of a wide variety of people. You should closely monitor every trade publication that is related to your industry, and you should keep a close eye on events calendars. Some major events are worth traveling across the country to attend, because that may be the only time you’ll be able to get in front of the influential people you need to reach. Other events may be smaller and more localized; it’s not critical that you spend your entire life traveling from point to point in pursuit of every half-decent idea or connection opportunity.

From your previous work in figuring out who is highly influential in your industry space, you should also take note of where those individuals will be in attendance. Find out what conferences or seminars they’ll be speaking at and do your best to attend as many of those as you can. In some cases, you may have to pony up quite a bit of money for conference passes, hotel stays, and travel, so don’t just jump at the first chance you get. Take the time to really research the

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opportunities, and look for ways to hedge your costs and minimize your expense. For instance, would it be more useful to forgo attending an event next month, and instead spend your time to work on publishing a new research report that might gain industry recognition? Another event that may be just as good could be just a few months around the corner. When you’re just starting out on your new connection method, you’ll be well advised to appreciate the fact that sometimes you only get one or two chances to engage with someone. If you’re not prepared, don’t rush fully in to the situation. Take some time to prepare your business cards, your marketing materials, your articles, your research, etc. A great way to hedge your costs when attending seminars or conferences is to find out as early as possible when they’re going on, and reach out to the event coordinators or promoters. Speak with them about possibly volunteering part time, in order to gain access to the event. Not only does this mean that you could potentially gain a discount (or even a free pass), but you’ll be a central figure for many people. If you’re staffing the information booth at the event, you might get the opportunity to speak with dozens of people who wouldn’t otherwise be inclined to seek you out in the middle of a crowded networking room. Another technique to gain access in a practical manner is to volunteer with industry committees or trade group advisory boards. Often, these sorts of positions become available quietly

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and usually just get filled by the first person to raise their hand to say they’ll assist. Obviously the scope of the industry will make a huge difference (the American Medical Association, for instance, is probably seeking highly qualified and experienced candidates to join their boards or committees). But the concept is clear – get involved any way that you can, and try to focus on highly social activities where you can be visible and make worthwhile connections.

One of the other reasons why I stress charities and good causes is that they are great places to actively volunteer and participate in the community of their volunteers and donors. If you have more time than money, volunteer your time. If you have more money than time, attend charity events and fundraisers. Often, those fundraising events are the ideal networking space – so if you know what charities your target executives or key influencer will be likely to attend, you can, in a sense, buy your way in to their circle. While this may not seem like the most altruistic of motives, the charity certainly won’t be upset about cashing your check!

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Once You Get There – Stay There!

Once you’ve become part of a social circle, don’t show up so rarely that people don’t remember you. And definitely don’t just show up at times when you need something from the people in the space. As you pick the opportunities and the places that you want to go to, try to be a consistent member of the community. Over time, people will note that you “keep showing up,” and that alone can be profoundly powerful.

Once you’ve established yourself in a space, it’s important that you stay involved through not just face-to-face meetings and networking events, but also in the correspondence that will keep those relationships alive between meetings and greetings. My personal favorite method to employ at a bare minimum is to keep close tabs on people’s anniversaries and birthdays – and especially their children’s birthdays. A simple birthday card can go a long way towards making people feel like they’re important and remembered, so once you get someone to share their birthday, don’t ignore that piece of information. Save it in your records and add a note in your calendar at least a week beforehand to send them a birthday card.

Stay in touch with the people at an entire organization, not just the key influencer who you may have gained access to. Their support staff and coworkers can be incredibly powerful

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and remarkable people in their own right, so be sure to pay attention to them on a regular basis. Thank everyone graciously as frequently as possible, and strike up conversations when you have the chance. Don’t just treat people as a means to an end, the Golden Rule applies to everyone, so use it!

Create a drip marketing campaign that you can automate to some degree. Online email newsletters work well; where you can update things once and share with everyone in your sphere of influence. You can be less personal in this space and more general – it’s simply another method for creating a reminder in the minds of the people who you have connections with.

Finally, I wanted to close this section by sharing briefly the fact that the things that are in this book absolutely do work. I have done some version of nearly all of these things in an effort to create my own brand, to get in front of highly influential and powerful people, and to ensure that my voice is heard and can help shape and influence others in a positive way. The culmination of all of this really occurred when I set out to found SANG, the Speakers and Authors Networking Group that I co-founded with Chet Holmes (author of The Ultimate Sales Machine) and Stephen Pierce.

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We’ve had 4 SANG events since it’s inception, and each one has been better than the previous. But think about it – without the desire to create a sustaining and value-driven conference event, and without realizing that I was going to have to bring interesting and value-driven speakers to come speak, none of it would have ever existed. But once I made the decision to start it up, I tapped in to all my resources to make it happen. The amazing thing is, that now that I have created it, it’s now one of the key things that people know me for. I’ve created leverage and influence by creating something of tremendous value where nothing existed before.

This is the opportunity that I hope you’ll embrace as you take all the lessons, stories, ideas, and methods to heart. Big, small, young, old, rich, or poor, we’re all capable of amazing things if we set our minds to it. If you believe in your heart that you can create something amazing, and that you just need a little help to get there, I believe you can achieve that success you’ve dreamt of. I want to wish you good luck in your pursuits, and keep me posted on how I might be able to help you.

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Appendix 1 – Connectivity Worksheet General Information

Name Company Title Speciality

Important Goals / Projects

Favorite Charity / Causes

Family / Personal Information Birthday Spouse’s Name Children’s Names

Anniversary

Contact Details Home Phone Office Phone Cell Phone Skype / IM Personal Email Work Email

Home Address

Work Address

Contact Preferences Email Preferred Text Message Preferred Home Phone Work Best Time to Contact: ________ AM PM / Time Zone EST CST MST PST Social Networks

Facebook

LinkedIn Twitter YouTube

Appraisal Needs

Wants Likes Dislikes

Accomplishments

Goals Networks Background

Top Ideas For Adding Value

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General Information

Name Company Title Speciality




Anniversary


Home Address

Work Address


Facebook


Appraisal Needs


Accomplishments



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General Information Name Company Title Speciality




Anniversary


Home Address

Work Address


Facebook


Appraisal Needs


Accomplishments



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Appendix 2 – 21 Days of Connectivity I am going to challenge you to take the contents of this book and put them to good use. Becoming a master connector requires building the proper habits to reinforce the activities and methods that top networkers employ. With that in mind, I am challenging you to a 21 day challenge. They say 3 weeks is required to build a habit, so if you are really serious about becoming a networking and connecting master, adhering to a program like this is the best way to get you there. Action Plan:

Choosing Your Connections

Perhaps the most important part of this process is to determine who you want to better connect with. During the course of my training, I encourage everyone to consider their 10 most important connections. I also suggest that everyone broadens those horizons to at least 25 high-value connections that are worth building in a better way. For the purposes of this 21-day challenge, I would suggest the following: Pick 4 people who you are already reasonably strongly established with. These will be your anchors. You know you can call on them and they’ll respond to your requests. In the quest to build a solid habit, we don’t want to give ourselves too many obstacles to get in the way, so 4 solid connections should do the trick. I also want you to pick 2 moderate connections. People who you have the ability to freely contact and interact with, but perhaps you just haven’t dedicated the time to do so in the

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past. These might be vendors, distant family members, clients from past businesses or long dormant or even old friends that you’ve lost touch with. While those first four people are your anchors for this challenge, these 2 people are worth pursuing to build on the relationship. We’ll call these people your “sparks.” Finally, I want you to also select 1 person to be your “flyer.” That’s a bettor’s term for an unsure thing – a risky proposition that might not yield anything, or might yield a great return. Fortunately, in the world of networking and connecting, you really don’t have much to lose, and you have so much to gain! At worst, pursuing a “flyer” means that you might risk your embarrassment if you say the wrong thing or act the wrong way. I hope you’ve become confident through the course of this book and other training that you don’t have to be afraid! And even if you are, just a little, there’s a reason why I call this a challenge. It takes a little bit of audacity to connect with powerful people, and you may not know right off the bat what you can offer them. But you need to start reaching beyond your established roots if you’re going to be able to accomplish great things. Remember – you’re only one connection away from being able to accomplish everything that you want in this life! Start thinking big, start thinking strategically, and pick a person who you know can stretch your network and amplify your connections.

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So, right here I want you to jot down your 4 “anchors”, your 2 “sparks” and your 1 “flyer”: Anchor #1: Anchor #2: Anchor #3: Anchor #4: Spark #1: Spark #2: Flyer:

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Action Plan:

Creating a plan

For the purposes of this action plan, you can choose to participate a full 7-day a week, or, if you’re really focusing just on business-oriented connections, you can take the weekends off and perform this across 4 business weeks. Whatever is appropriate for you. I can remind you that, in today’s connected and competitive world, most business professionals don’t take weekends off. It’s also a great time to reinforce the personal relationships that you may have with people, even business associates. In the boxes below, under each person, I want you to list at least one action that you will take to connect with these people. You could choose a phone call, an email, a text message, or social network note. The outcome that I want you to aim for is two-fold: Collect as much missing information as you can for your Connectivity Worksheet notes on this person. Ask great questions and give them time to talk about what we’ve covered in the book. Write down what you learn about them so you can start figuring out how to add value to their lives. Schedule a follow-up for 1 week out. With that in mind, have a purpose to the follow-up that you can accomplish within 7 days, to add value to them. This might mean finding someone to connect them to so that they can get one step closer to their goal, or it might mean helping them solve a problem that you’re in a position to help solve. Whatever it is, do not leave

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the conversation without an objective in mind! And once you’ve scheduled that follow up, and you know what you must do – do it! Your reputation is on the line, so don’t let your friends or colleagues down.

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Day 1

Anchor 1

Day 2

Anchor 2

Day 3

Spark 1

Day 4

Anchor 3

Day 5

Flyer

Day 6

Anchor 4

Day 7

Spark 2

Day 8

Anchor 1 Follow Up

Day 9

Anchor 2 Follow Up

Day 10

Spark 1 Follow Up

Day 11

Anchor 3 Follow Up

Day 12

Flyer Follow Up

Day 13

Anchor 4 Follow Up

Day 14

Spark 2 Follow Up

Day 15

Anchor 1 Check In

Day 16

Anchor 2 Check In

Day 17

Spark 1 Check In

Day 18

Anchor 3 Check In

Day 19

Flyer Check In

Day 20

Anchor 4 Check In

Day 21

Spark 2 Check In

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Action Plan:

Measuring Results

As you go about connecting with these people, I want you to use the following chart to help you organize what you say you’ll do, what gets done, and what the outcome is. Notice that this matches the 3-stages of the action plan. You start the conversation; give that person a solution within a week, and then a week later check in to see how things are going. You’re connecting now!

Anchor #1:

What Does He/She Need? How You Added Value What was the result?

Anchor #2:


Anchor #3:


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Anchor #4:


Spark #1:


Spark #2:


Flyer:


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Building Your Habits Now that you’ve got your plan, and are ready to take action, keep this process in your mind for the future. How can you develop meaningful habits from these activities? In the next 3 weeks you’ll work on just these 7 connections, but beyond that you’ll want to apply these same techniques to all of your contacts and associations. Be consistent in your approach to creating value in your relationships, and be sure to follow up! Even from these 7 connections, you might not stick to your plan perfectly, or someone might not have a need that you can help support in the span of 7 days. Regardless, stay focused on building the habits that will allow you to do these tasks naturally and you’ll find yourself becoming better connected and being the recipient of more abundance in the future.

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Appendix 3 – The Social Networking Survival Guide According to Nielsen Research, over 142 million Americans are actively involved in some sort of social networking website. That includes sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Classmates. Odds are, as a reader of this book, that you’re one of those people – tapping in to these social networks to connect with friends, colleagues, and business prospects. However, most people don’t make the most of these networks and resources – even though they’re incredibly powerful and in most instances virtually free to use!

Introduction to Social Networking

The web has been social for quite a long time. In its earliest days, message boards were the most common way for people to share knowledge and interact with one another. As the web evolved, people even began dabbling with setting up their own websites. One of the earliest ways to do that was to use an easy website making piece of software, such as GeoCities. ISP’s like CompUServe, Prodigy, and America OnLine (AOL) each had a social component – including discussion forums, instant messaging software, and chat rooms.

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Over time, the web evolved – and our demands to socialize between one another expanded right along with it. In the late 90’s and the early 2000’s, a new breed of website gained popularity – social networking. The earliest successful social network (for that specific purpose) was probably Friendster. It allowed people to create profiles and link themselves together with their friends. Over the course of the last decade, many companies emerged to fill our virtually never-ending desire to connect and interact with one another. Today, the most popular networks are massive – Facebook alone claims over half-a-billion users at the time of this books’ writing. So let’s look a little closer at the role each of these social networks aims to play in our lives:

Facebook: The dominant social network currently, Facebook is a social & personal space where people interact with one another for both business and personal use. Facebook has a growing number of features which make it an appealing site to use – most notably it has the largest volume of members. When it comes to social networking, the more users that are using it, the more likely that your friends, family, and professional connections will be online. So, in that sense, Facebook is a pretty strong place to start, because you’ll likely immediately be able to find people to connect with. In addition to connecting with people, it’s also fairly easy to use the site to organize and promote events, add photos and galleries, and share updates, links, and other notes. Thanks to

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the creation of many Facebook Apps, the platform is also a starting point for many other services – you can find people who share common interests in books, movies, tv, and more, as well as use it for social gaming. One thing to keep in mind while using Facebook is that there are a lot of privacy settings that you should consider. You can opt to share a lot or very little of your information – and it’s really up to you to decide what you’re most comfortable with.

LinkedIn: The next social network that I want to talk about is LinkedIn. Started around the same time as Facebook, it’s a much smaller social network, but it serves a much different purpose. LinkedIn is primarily a website for business networking, and to that extent it’s typically better when making cold-introductions or finding business contacts in a structured manner. While it shares some of the same features and functions of Facebook, LinkedIn is really designed to keep your profile less public, more professional, and essentially keep a running tab of your business career as it progresses. This is also a great social network to maintain alumni relationships with your former college classmates, because you can easily organize your searches to seek out people from your same schools and graduating year, as well as past coworkers who you may have lost touch with over the years as you’ve changed jobs. Most everything on LinkedIn is searchable one way or another, so you can look people up by job title, company, college, etc.

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Twitter: This is one of the newest social networks, but Twitter is a much different beast than Facebook or LinkedIn. Twitter’s primary purpose is to share short messages between people and as open posts to the world. The maximum length of a message is 140 characters – which means brevity is the name of the game when using the service. However, it has gained a lot of popularity for a number of reasons. For one, there is something refreshing about the format: 140 characters turns out to be just long enough to get a really decent sentence out – but not much else! For two, it’s much easier to create casual and ad-hoc relationships with people. There are two important characters to use when posting on Twitter: The # symbol specifies a topic, and the @ symbol specifies a person (based on their user name). So, if you wanted to post a new message on Twitter, and mention this book and me along the way, you might post something like: “Just finishing #ConnectionMastery by @LarryBenet. Really enjoyed it!” Well, at least, I hope that’s what your message might contain!

YouTube: I included YouTube here because, while it’s a video sharing site, it’s also a popular and powerful social network, as well as one of the leading search engines on the web today. Millions of people upload videos, add comments, and connect with one another using YouTube, and it’s a great way to share videos of just about anything. Some people have become YouTube celebrities by posting up “viral” videos, others simply

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share their thoughts or ideas in video form. Thanks to YouTube’s popularity, most video cameras, cell phones, and camcorders have a way to quickly and easily share videos online with a single-click on your computer.

Meetup: While not strictly a “social network,” I wanted to include Meetup because it’s a great website for translating online connections and interests in to real-life activities and events. Meetup is an easy way to find groups and events in your area that you can get involved in, so check it out. One nice feature that they’ve added recently is the ability to use Facebook Connect – so now you can just log-in using your Facebook account login and you’ll have a profile created automatically. The downside with Meetup is that since there’s no charge to create meeting groups, sometimes you have to dig through many different groups to find the one that’s right for you in the topic that you’re interested in.

MySpace: One of the earliest commercial successes in the social networking space, MySpace has fallen on relatively hard times in the past couple years as it has lost significant ground to Facebook for general social networking. Originally a music-oriented networking space, MySpace is an example of what can go wrong when users have a little too much freedom in adorning their web pages. Unless you’re in the music business, there’s really not a whole lot of reason to head over

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to this site anymore. Facebook has really cornered the market.

Of course, when it comes to the social networking space, things can change quickly, so just keep your ear to the ground as time passes to see what new and exciting things are being cooked up. Even as of this writing, there are already a few new social networks working to capture your attention, such as FourSquare (“check-in” social networking that lets you announce where you are and what you’re doing), Diaspora (an “open source” social network that won’t be run by a centralized company), or Tumblr (a blogging-oriented social network that encourages longer writing and greater customization).

21 Social Networking Survival Tips

Be Authentic: When using these software services, communicate and network just like you would in real-life (as best as you can). Be genuine in your communication, and use your natural voice and tendencies in your writing. Not only will it make sure you don’t lose track of virtual “identities”, but it will also make your connections more inclined to interact with you. Be Respectful: While this one may be obvious to most, every now and then it’s worth a reminder. It’s easy to get caught up

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online, in the comfort of our own homes, and forget that there are people on the other side of every conversation. Even if you completely disagree with someone, find a respectful way to debate, not just rant and rave. Use the Site For Its Purpose: Twitter is not for posting essays, and LinkedIn is not the site to share entire albums of your family’s trip to Disneyworld. Most social networks have a range of acceptable and expected uses. Try to keep your contributions appropriate to the audience. Connect Wisely: Just like in real life, your online social network can be a reflection of yourself as a person. In most cases, you will want to closely manage your LinkedIn profile, since that’s a reflection of your professional life. Facebook, as a personal network, means you probably want to limit yourself to people you know or who you share some sort of common connection with. Create Value: Just like with nearly everything else I’ve said, the best thing you can do while networking and connecting – online or off – is to create value! Share links that are worth visiting, share pictures that include your friends and coworkers (and “tag” the people in the pictures so they can find them), and use the platform as a great way to quickly and casually interconnect people. If someone asks “Does anyone know a good __ [insert career skill here] __?” and you happen to know someone who is – make the connection!

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What Goes Online Stays Online: I’m tempted to write this tip twice, it’s that important to keep in mind. No matter what you post, just assume that when it goes online it’ll be saved somewhere, forever. Even if the network that you use claims that it will delete your profile and all your details when you leave – you never know who’s saved something that you’ve posted. It’s still early in the Internet’s history, so who knows where all this stuff will end up. But as a general rule of thumb, only post things that you’d be willing to have shared on the front page of your hometown newspaper. Keep The Pitch to a Minimum: Along the lines of being authentic, one of the common problems people have when getting started with social networking for a business cause is the desire to sell. Since it’s free, and “friends” are abundantly available, it might seem too good to be true – millions of potential customers right at your fingertips. But most people don’t want to be constantly sold to – they want to create connections and relationships that matter. Do the same online as you would at a networking event, and keep your pitch to a dull roar. Maintain Your Profile: Once you activate an account on a social network, keep up with it. While you aren’t required to post or maintain your profile, if you want to make the most from your new tools, use them! I suggest that you set at least a few minutes each day to monitoring and maintaining your

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profile – whether it’s posting a new update or just seeing what your colleagues are up to passively. Stay active and participate in the discussions. Understand Your Corporate Usage Policies: Many companies have limits on social networking while at work. If you’re self-employed, you can do whatever you want; but if you work for someone else, be sure to know what the acceptable usage policies are if you plan on using social networks while at the office. LinkedIn is usually tolerated by corporate policies, but Twitter and Facebook might be frowned upon. Know what policies or rules you should abide by before using social networks at the office. Use Appropriate Language, Grammar, and Spelling: Though it may be tough without a spell-check, as best you can, be sure to use the best language, grammar, and spelling that you can while using these social networking tools. You want your online profile to be a reflection of yourself as a human being – so act in the best possible manner. Avoid Over-Posting: It’s easy to get caught up using social networking sites. Sometimes you may have a whole lot that you’d like to share, or many things may be happening all at once that you want to contribute. Be respectful of the people who are your friends online and post moderately. You may discover that if you post something every 5 minutes people will

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tire of reading your new updates, and your number of connections may diminish quickly. Comment and Discuss: Just like in real-life networking, it’s often more valuable to spend more time listening than talking. In this regard, social networking sites can be a great place to spur dialogue and discussions – but you have to take the initiative. Cruise on over to your “friend’s” pages and add comments to their posts, where appropriate. Encourage people to share their ideas and thoughts on your page as well, and ask interesting questions to spur debate. Go Mobile: If you have a smart phone, you should definitely download the associated apps for the social networks that you’ve signed on to. The mobile apps are a fun way to casually stay connected, and typically have nearly as many features as the complete website version. Mobile is also practically a pre-requisite of “check-in” social networks like FourSquare, Yelp, and Facebook Places. Start a Page: If you’re building your social network for your business, start a business page as well. For instance, on Facebook, you can create a “Page” that you can manage – dedicated entirely to your business. On twitter, you can create multiple profiles, so you can create one for your personal tweets and another for your business if you’d like. And LinkedIn has a companies section built in so you can

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start your company page right from your profile (if someone else hasn’t already). Connect with Past Acquaintances: One of the best features of social networking websites is the ability to find past friendships and connections that you thought might be long-gone. Once you set up your account, take some time to think about who in your past you’ve lost touch with: old college roommates, past coworkers or mentors, past customers, partners, or vendors? Take some time to list out the people who you’ve lost touch with, and check each network for their presence, and request friendships. This is one of the best ways to use social networking software. Backup Your Network Somewhere: Facebook recently introduced the ability to export your entire profile (under Profile > Account Settings > Download Your Profile), and LinkedIn has some similar functionality. Every now and then (probably at 3- or 6-month intervals) you should do yourself a favor and back up your profile and connections. Obviously these companies are multimillion (billion!) dollar ventures and won’t purposefully go out of their way to lose your information, but you never know. Someone might “hack” your profile or their servers might lose some important piece of information. Just like with anything computer-related, I find that it’s better to be safe than sorry. Share Relevant Articles and Websites: Most social networks make it very easy to share links – so do so! If you find

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websites or articles that are worth reading, use that opportunity to add value to your network and relationships. Most of the services will allow you to simply add a new update with a link, and there are often buttons on blogs or news websites that specifically say “Share This.” Don’t be Afraid to Decline: We all use social networks differently. Some people will openly connect to nearly anyone, while other people will keep their online social network a closely guarded place. If you opt for the latter, don’t be afraid to decline invitations to befriend someone if you’re not comfortable or interested in the relationship. Carefully consider who you create your network around. Depending on your privacy settings, it’s important to realize that as soon as you say “Yes” to a friend request, that person could gain access to your entire social history – including all your friends, your photos, your posts, etc. If you don’t want to share your online life with someone, don’t be afraid to decline their request for friendship. Don’t Forget to Log Out: If you connect to your social networks on a publicly accessible computer – even one at the office – don’t forget to log-out of your account when you’re finished for the day. Every now and then a prankster might get a hold of your account, and do who-knows-what with it. Your connections might not know the difference between you and an imposter, but the damage may be done before you can fix it!

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Be Patient: Building an online network can take a long time. You don’t have to rush in to the process – you can slowly build your friends, followers, and fans. By following the guidelines that I’ve suggested above, especially when it comes to setting aside some time on a regular basis to maintain your profiles, you should be able to harvest a great social network online. Connect Off-Line: Last of all, I want to remind you that these online tools are no replacement for the traditional connections and interactions that have always been important. Phone calls, face-to-face discussions, and even traditional mailed letters are still an important part of the connection mastery mix. For all of their great resources, tools, and abilities, there is still little replacement for the tone of your voice or the shake of a hand. Social networks are part of the networking tool-set, but they aren’t the beginning and end. So, with that in mind, enjoy connecting and building your online relationships, but be sure to make the time to connect with people off line as well.

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About Larry Benet Larry Benet is known as “The Connector” and “The Connector to Billionaires and Millionaires

“. Larry provides resources that can take your business to the next level. He is the past Chairman of theTsunami Disaster Relief Project where he brought top business leaders together to raise money for the victims of the Tsunami.

He is currently the President of the Speakers and Authors Networking Group

, which is made up of some of the most prominent and influential speakers and authors in the world.He is considered a master relationship builder, one of the countries most Outside the Box business strategists, a great connector of people, and has been referred to as “America’s Connection Expert”.

He has shared the platform or interviewed people like Mark Victor Hansen, author of the best seller “Chicken Soup for the Soul” series, Ken Blanchard of the One Minute Manager, Ken Kragen creator of We Are The World, motivational speaker Les Brown, Marketing Genius Jay Abraham, and Harvey Mackay author of

Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive.

His goal is raise 1 billion in his lifetime for worthy charities and non-profit causes thru his ideas, connections and personal money. He frequently volunteers his time to various charities to come up with big ideas on how they can raise money in unique and fun ways. He currently helps the Larry King Cardiac Foundation and the Soul of Africa with Nelson Mendela and Richard Branson, serves on the Board of advisors for the

http://www.lkcf.org/�

http://www.lkcf.org/�

http://www.thesoleofafrica.org/�

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Wyland Foundation Mr. Benet is a graduate of Florida State University. When not busy working, Larry enjoys playing tennis, traveling, reading, listening to music, attending personal development and marketing seminars, and getting to New York to visit his family and see his 2 little nieces Samantha Joy and Brook Benet.

http://www.wyland.com/�

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