CONSTANT CRITICS: Developing Personal ResilienceRelationship Detox – Part 3Message #1364Pastor Keith StewartJanuary 21-22, 2017

Expanded Message Resources So where does that leave you when you criticize a brother? And where does that leave you when you condescend to a sister? I'd say it leaves you looking pretty silly--or worse. Eventually, we're all going to end up kneeling side by side in the place of judgment, facing God. Your critical and condescending ways aren't going to improve your position there one bit…You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God. Forget about deciding what's right for each other. Here's what you need to be concerned about: that you don't get in the way of someone else, making life more difficult than it already is. Romans 14.10-13 (The Message) 1. REASONS FOR CRITICISM  ! Some people hate themselves. “Without exception, the people who have the greatest number of faults are themselves the most merciless in their criticism of others.”- DeWitt Talmage “It's a dead giveaway when you meet a person who is always criticizing and finding fault with another brother. 99 times out of a 100 he's trying to divert attention from his own sin by pointing an accusing finger at someone else.”- Dr. M.R. De Haan “It is often our own imperfection which makes us reprove the imperfection of others.”- François Fenelon, 17th-century French churchman ! Some people envy you.

“Don't be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” - Zig Ziglar “Criticism is something you can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing and being nothing.” - Aristotle “No matter what you do, people will be shooting at you. If you are afraid of being shot at, you are whipped before you start.”- General George Patton ! Some people love you. Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Proverbs 27.5 2. REQUIREMENTS FOR CRITICS ! Are my motives pure? (Psalm 139.23-24) ! Are my emotions stable? (Proverbs 29.22) An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.Proverbs 29.22  ! Are my words constructive? (Proverbs 12.18) Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.Proverbs 12.18 Fred Rogers (image) “I was judging and she was needing, and the Holy Spirit responded to need, not to judgment.” – Fred Rogers

3. REACTIONS TO CRITICISM 1. The Alert Stage2. The Analysis Stage3. The Action Stage- Dr. Deborah Bright, Criticism in Your Life

! The Alert Stage “I'm, sorry, but I can't seem to get my car started, but if you'll go up there and try to start it for me, I'll stay back here and honk your horn for you.”- Wayne Dyer • I feel attacked. “Lord, deliver me from the lust of vindicating myself.” - Augustine • I’m not in control. • It hits too close to home. “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”- Winston Churchill

With me it is a small thing that I should be judged by you—or anybody else for that matter. I do not even judge myself….It is the Lord who judges me. 1 Corinthians 4.3-4

“…it takes about five positive events to make up for one negative event.”

– Roy Baumeister, Florida State University ! The Analysis Stage “Personally I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.”- Winston Churchill • I can be blind to my own faults. • God may have a message for me in the criticism. Let the godly smite me! It will be a kindness! If they reprove me, it is medicine! Don't let me refuse it. Psalm 141.5 Then Abishai...said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.” But king David said... “If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’” 2 Samuel 16.9-10 “If I were to try to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how--the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won't amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”- Abraham Lincoln Those we most resent receiving criticism from...1.) In-laws 2.) One's mate 3.) One's subordinates

q The Action Stage If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face; confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don't waste your time on a scoffer; all you'll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life, that's different they'll love you for it! Save your breath for the wise they'll be wiser for it; tell good people what you know they'll profit from it. Proverbs 9.8-9 (The Message) • I need help. • It makes me more effective. “Criticism is the manure in which the Lord's servants grow best.”- Bishop Stephen Neill “Don’t look at the wall. Your car goes where your eyes go.” – Mario Andretti