contoh memo
TRANSCRIPT
Ineffective Information Memo
Date: May 1, 200x
To: Department Managers
From: Waldo Hightower
Subject: Hiring
As summer approaches, we have been thinking about hiring new employees. This is to inform you that we have scheduled three employment interviewing sessions. Your presence is required at these sessions to help us avoid making poor selections.
Please mark your calendar for the three times. The first meeting is May 3 in the conference room. The second meeting is May 9 in Office 22 (the conference room was scheduled). On May 15 we can finish up in the conference room. In view of the fact that your projects need talented new team members, I should not have to urge you to attend and be well prepared.
Please examine all the candidates' résumés and send me your ranking lists
Faults:
1. Starts indirectly with an explanation instead of the main idea.
2. Does not provide helpful subject line.
3. Fails to develop reader benefits.
4. Sounds negative ("avoid making poor selections"; "your
presence required"; "should not have to urge you")
5. Fails to list dates for improved readability.
6. Does not include end date for returning lists.
7. Includes wordy phrases ("This is to inform you," "In view of the fact that").
Improved Information Memo
Date: May 1, 200x
To: Department Managers
From: Waldo Hightower
Subject: Schedule for Employment Interviews
To help you find talented new team members for your projects, we have scheduled the following three employment interviewing sessions:
May 3 Conference Room
May 9 Office 22
May 15 Conference Room
Before the meetings, please examine all the candidates’ résumés. Send me your ranking lists before May 1 so that we can work together to hire the top people you select.
Improvements:
1. Includes subject line that accurately summarizes memo topic.
2. Opens directly with main idea.
3. Looks at subject from reader's perspective.
4. Eliminates wordy expressions.
5. Lists dates in columns for improved readability.
6. Avoids negativity; achieves positive tone throughout.
7. Concludes with end date and reason.
8. Emphasizes reader's benefits.