c.o.n.t.r.o.l. talk lecture 16a talk, talk, talk!
TRANSCRIPT
C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALKC.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALKLecture 16aLecture 16a
TALK, TALK, TALK!TALK, TALK, TALK!
THREE TYPES OF TALKTHREE TYPES OF TALK
PROBLEMPROBLEM
CONNECT TALKCONNECT TALK
REFLEXREFLEX
C.O.N.T.R.O.L.C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALKTALK BE RIGHTBE RIGHT
LIGHTLIGHT
HEAVYHEAVY
COMPLIANCECOMPLIANCE WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL
AGREEMENTAGREEMENTCOMPROMISECOMPROMISE
JUDGEMENT
Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. Works In The Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. Works In The “Right” Context: Summary “Right” Context: Summary
• The other person really needs or wants what we have
• Has far less power or knowledge than we do
• Feels they have little to contribute in the situation.
• We get what we want - a change in them
When
But, Outside of the “right” contextBut, Outside of the “right” context
• They don’t see themselves as needing what we have
• They Resist us– They have their own ideas They think we are imposing.– They simply resist to show independence
• So the other responds with Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • We resist their efforts and come back with more
Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. becomes competitive
VIDEO EXAMPLEVIDEO EXAMPLE
• THE CONTENDER• The president wants this junior congressman to support
his appointment for Vice President - a woman!!!!
• He uses his positional power and his persuasive power of light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. with threatening heavy C.O.N.T.R.O.L. to get his way with a junior congressman
• Note the tactis of influence he expresses towards the end of the conversation as the young man resists
C.O.N.T.R.O.L. AND INFLUENCEC.O.N.T.R.O.L. AND INFLUENCE
• TACTICS - PASSIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TACTICS - PASSIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • Negative Expertise - Negative Expertise - punished by the nature of thingspunished by the nature of things
• Negative Self-Feelings- Negative Self-Feelings- say other will feel worsesay other will feel worse
• Negative AltercastingNegative Altercasting - - cast them into (-) rolecast them into (-) role
• Negative esteem - Negative esteem - people will think badly of otherpeople will think badly of other
• DebtDebt - call in past favors - call in past favors
CC
HH
OO
II
CC
EE
T.T.
ACTIVEACTIVE
IN OUR MODEL IT LOOKS LIKE THISIN OUR MODEL IT LOOKS LIKE THIS
TRY AGAINTRY AGAIN
OFFER SAME OFFER SAME INFORMATIONINFORMATIONOR ADD NEWOR ADD NEW
PASSIVEPASSIVE
TRY AGAINTRY AGAINOFFER SAME OFFER SAME INFORMATIONINFORMATIONOR ADD NEWOR ADD NEW
TECHNIQUES USE IN COMPETITIVE TECHNIQUES USE IN COMPETITIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L.LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
• Trivialize: make light of what they’re sayingTrivialize: make light of what they’re saying
• Tell them they don’t have enough data; or bad dataTell them they don’t have enough data; or bad data
• Demand proofDemand proof
• Ignore themIgnore them
• Interrupt themInterrupt them
• Discount what they say “You gotta be kidding”Discount what they say “You gotta be kidding”
• Ask leading questionsAsk leading questions
• Neutralize their opinion - Neutralize their opinion - “So what, everybody knows that.”“So what, everybody knows that.”
Competing to be “right”Competing to be “right”
COMPETITIVECOMPETITIVE LIGHT CONTROL LIGHT CONTROL CAN BECOME A LOOPCAN BECOME A LOOP
DOES THIS SOUND LIKE SOMETHING DOES THIS SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU’VE HEARD BEFORE?YOU’VE HEARD BEFORE?
COMPETITIVECOMPETITIVE LIGHT CONTROL LIGHT CONTROL CAN BECOME A LOOPCAN BECOME A LOOP
CC
HH
OO
II
CC
EE
T.T.
ACTIVE AND ACTIVE AND PASSIVEPASSIVE
IF UNSUCCESSFUL?IF UNSUCCESSFUL?
TRY AGAINTRY AGAIN
OFFER SAME OFFER SAME INFORMATIONINFORMATIONOR ADD NEWOR ADD NEW
TAKE IT TAKE IT PERSONALLYPERSONALLY
THREAT FEELINGSTHREAT FEELINGS
MOVE TOMOVE TOHEAVY CONTROLHEAVY CONTROL
TERMINATETERMINATEBREAK OFFBREAK OFF
GIVE UPGIVE UP
SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.
HH
EE
AA
VV
YY
0.0.
L.L.
RIGHTEOUS RIGHTEOUS ANGERANGER
HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.LHEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L
OVERTOVERTAGGRESSIONAGGRESSION
PUT DOWNPUT DOWNLABELLABELMINDREADMINDREADCOMMANDCOMMANDVENTVENTDEMANDDEMANDTHREATENTHREATENCRITICIZECRITICIZERIDICULERIDICULEUSE SARCASMUSE SARCASMLIELIE
LAY LAY BLAMEBLAME
OVERT OVERT PASSIVEPASSIVE
AGRESSIVEAGRESSIVE
INTENSE INTENSE COMPLAINTCOMPLAINTDISQUALIFY DISQUALIFY WORDSWORDSWHINEWHINEPLAY MARTYRPLAY MARTYRWITHHOLDWITHHOLDDENYDENYPUT DOWN SELFPUT DOWN SELF
GIVE EXCUSESGIVE EXCUSESPROCRASTINATEPROCRASTINATE
R.R.RIGHTEOUS RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATIONINDIGNATION
LAY LAY BLAMEBLAME