c.o.n.t.r.o.l. talk lecture 16a talk, talk, talk!

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C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK! TALK, TALK, TALK!

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Page 1: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALKC.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALKLecture 16aLecture 16a

TALK, TALK, TALK!TALK, TALK, TALK!

Page 2: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

THREE TYPES OF TALKTHREE TYPES OF TALK

PROBLEMPROBLEM

CONNECT TALKCONNECT TALK

REFLEXREFLEX

C.O.N.T.R.O.L.C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALKTALK BE RIGHTBE RIGHT

LIGHTLIGHT

HEAVYHEAVY

COMPLIANCECOMPLIANCE WITHDRAWALWITHDRAWAL

AGREEMENTAGREEMENTCOMPROMISECOMPROMISE

JUDGEMENT

Page 3: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. Works In The Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. Works In The “Right” Context: Summary “Right” Context: Summary

• The other person really needs or wants what we have

• Has far less power or knowledge than we do

• Feels they have little to contribute in the situation.

• We get what we want - a change in them

When

Page 4: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

But, Outside of the “right” contextBut, Outside of the “right” context

• They don’t see themselves as needing what we have

• They Resist us– They have their own ideas They think we are imposing.– They simply resist to show independence

• So the other responds with Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • We resist their efforts and come back with more

Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • Light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. becomes competitive

Page 5: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

VIDEO EXAMPLEVIDEO EXAMPLE

• THE CONTENDER• The president wants this junior congressman to support

his appointment for Vice President - a woman!!!!

• He uses his positional power and his persuasive power of light C.O.N.T.R.O.L. with threatening heavy C.O.N.T.R.O.L. to get his way with a junior congressman

• Note the tactis of influence he expresses towards the end of the conversation as the young man resists

Page 6: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

C.O.N.T.R.O.L. AND INFLUENCEC.O.N.T.R.O.L. AND INFLUENCE

• TACTICS - PASSIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TACTICS - PASSIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L. • Negative Expertise - Negative Expertise - punished by the nature of thingspunished by the nature of things

• Negative Self-Feelings- Negative Self-Feelings- say other will feel worsesay other will feel worse

• Negative AltercastingNegative Altercasting - - cast them into (-) rolecast them into (-) role

• Negative esteem - Negative esteem - people will think badly of otherpeople will think badly of other

• DebtDebt - call in past favors - call in past favors

Page 7: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

CC

HH

OO

II

CC

EE

T.T.

ACTIVEACTIVE

IN OUR MODEL IT LOOKS LIKE THISIN OUR MODEL IT LOOKS LIKE THIS

TRY AGAINTRY AGAIN

OFFER SAME OFFER SAME INFORMATIONINFORMATIONOR ADD NEWOR ADD NEW

PASSIVEPASSIVE

TRY AGAINTRY AGAINOFFER SAME OFFER SAME INFORMATIONINFORMATIONOR ADD NEWOR ADD NEW

Page 8: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

TECHNIQUES USE IN COMPETITIVE TECHNIQUES USE IN COMPETITIVE LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L.LIGHT C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

• Trivialize: make light of what they’re sayingTrivialize: make light of what they’re saying

• Tell them they don’t have enough data; or bad dataTell them they don’t have enough data; or bad data

• Demand proofDemand proof

• Ignore themIgnore them

• Interrupt themInterrupt them

• Discount what they say “You gotta be kidding”Discount what they say “You gotta be kidding”

• Ask leading questionsAsk leading questions

• Neutralize their opinion - Neutralize their opinion - “So what, everybody knows that.”“So what, everybody knows that.”

Competing to be “right”Competing to be “right”

Page 9: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

COMPETITIVECOMPETITIVE LIGHT CONTROL LIGHT CONTROL CAN BECOME A LOOPCAN BECOME A LOOP

DOES THIS SOUND LIKE SOMETHING DOES THIS SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU’VE HEARD BEFORE?YOU’VE HEARD BEFORE?

Page 10: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

COMPETITIVECOMPETITIVE LIGHT CONTROL LIGHT CONTROL CAN BECOME A LOOPCAN BECOME A LOOP

Page 11: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

CC

HH

OO

II

CC

EE

T.T.

ACTIVE AND ACTIVE AND PASSIVEPASSIVE

IF UNSUCCESSFUL?IF UNSUCCESSFUL?

TRY AGAINTRY AGAIN

OFFER SAME OFFER SAME INFORMATIONINFORMATIONOR ADD NEWOR ADD NEW

TAKE IT TAKE IT PERSONALLYPERSONALLY

THREAT FEELINGSTHREAT FEELINGS

MOVE TOMOVE TOHEAVY CONTROLHEAVY CONTROL

TERMINATETERMINATEBREAK OFFBREAK OFF

GIVE UPGIVE UP

Page 12: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

Page 13: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.SLIPPING INTO HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L.

Page 14: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!

HH

EE

AA

VV

YY

0.0.

L.L.

RIGHTEOUS RIGHTEOUS ANGERANGER

HEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.LHEAVY C.O.N.T.R.O.L

OVERTOVERTAGGRESSIONAGGRESSION

PUT DOWNPUT DOWNLABELLABELMINDREADMINDREADCOMMANDCOMMANDVENTVENTDEMANDDEMANDTHREATENTHREATENCRITICIZECRITICIZERIDICULERIDICULEUSE SARCASMUSE SARCASMLIELIE

LAY LAY BLAMEBLAME

OVERT OVERT PASSIVEPASSIVE

AGRESSIVEAGRESSIVE

INTENSE INTENSE COMPLAINTCOMPLAINTDISQUALIFY DISQUALIFY WORDSWORDSWHINEWHINEPLAY MARTYRPLAY MARTYRWITHHOLDWITHHOLDDENYDENYPUT DOWN SELFPUT DOWN SELF

GIVE EXCUSESGIVE EXCUSESPROCRASTINATEPROCRASTINATE

R.R.RIGHTEOUS RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATIONINDIGNATION

LAY LAY BLAMEBLAME

Page 15: C.O.N.T.R.O.L. TALK Lecture 16a TALK, TALK, TALK!