Convention EarThe ...54 Years of telling it like it isn’t

The official publication of the National Senior Classical League for the National Junior Classical League

Friday, August 1, 2014 Volume LV, Issue V

Emory vs. Zombies25 Hour Convention Coverage

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The NJCL Forecast:

JCLers Guide to Emory:• It’s August everybody!

Everybody!• The current exchange

rate is one JCLer for two zombies.

• The Convention Ear staff deeply apologizes for the lack of cupcakes in this issue. We burned the batch we made yester-day.

• “How to clap” for JCLers: 1. Find a justifiable reason to clap, but wait until the end 2. Make sure your hands are empty 3. Extend both arms outward, on either side of your body, in a semi-circular motion 4. Ensure that the palms of both hands meet above your head 5. Generate the clap in question 6. Pull hands apart slightly 7. Push hands back together 8. Repeat as necessary

The illustrious Geri Dutra descended from her position on Mt. Olympus to grace us plebians with her presence for a special That’s Entertainment dedicated in her honor. The SCL managed to turn 37 pizzas, four bags of chips, three cases of Pepsi, three packages of chocolate, and an undisclosed number of cupcakes in to a menagerie of comedy, music, and slightly outdated pop culture references and incest jokes. Lolz. In third place were Carson Bucco’s shoes. Second place went to Peter Chung and Maggie Veltri, who each won a very specific sum of $12.50. Brothers Raffy and Frances from South Carolina, who played and sang their way to first place, induced many a swoon among the audience. During That’s Entertainment, we were reminded by an SCLer host that a cell phone, in fact, is not equal to a watch. Additionally, the German delegation took home the World Cup of Certamen trophy, thanks to the dedication of *deep breath* Rindfleischetikettiersungsuberwachungsaufgabenubertragungsgesets, Klose and Opene. The zombie outbreak begun by Suarez last night continues to plague cam-pus, and all JCLers are advised to carry Pepsi on them at all times, provided that the Pepsi does not come from the Chipotle on the other side of the street. A lively JCL executive board performed their JCL song, in which we were reminded to “Please hold your applause until the points have been announced.” Tragically, the spritely youths were reduced to brain-hungry zombies at the hands of the SCL (lead by ZomBri Forney) not 10 minutes after. However, the university has offered to employ the freshly zombified board as their official chair movers, as they seem to excel at that.

Certamen FinalsNovice: FL, MA, IL

Intermediate: GA, TX, VAAdvanced: TX, MA, VA

. .

Dear readers, Do you hear it? Off in the distance? Gradually rising in excitement? Is it a spirit overwhelming you? Is there a friendly hand reaching out from the rapidly swelling horde? For the beginning of all things are small. Worry not, gentle reader, for we are one. One people, with an Ear to the ground. And now, the weather... Seeking the best, the highest our goal. Working for greatness through glories of old. Searching the realms of the golden past; we follow the classics’ truths that last. In knowledge, truth, and fellowship, we’re growing everyday. The friendly hand of JCL aids in every way. In Rome’s proud steps we’re marching on, with every true colleague, And forever we’ll hold to the Purple and Gold, of the Junior Classical League.

2 My Personal Favorite Pun HereDear Ruiqi, I am so proud of you for all your tire-less effort and undying dedication to all the things you love, especially the mater lingua and the JCL. You have realized the dream you’ve been pursuing since Wake Forest and I (am Taylor Swift!) am so excited for what you’re about to do! ē corde

Magistra Marquis,Congratulations on your 40th NJCL convention! We are incredibly thankful that we have been able to share it with you. Thank you so much for EVERY-THING you do for us. Te amamus!Anastasia, Carmen, Aemilia, and Pau-lina

Dear MY PRINCESSES;Ali/Rapunzel, SWong/Cinderella, Kate/Sleeping Beauty, Novak/Merida, Mac/Tiana, and Devyn/Belle, you have been the most incredible friends and board members: have fun in college or serv-ing with me again. Tulsi, Nicole and Val, thank you for becoming part of my JCL family! You are amazing princesses and sisters! -Seth Meyers

Dear my Papageno,Thank you for convincing me to sing w/ you on Sunday! I will miss you so much next year, but I know you’ll be amazing at Yale! Don’t stop singing!!!Love,Your PapagenaP.S. I still want girls!

ILJCL Delegates,YOU ARE B-AN-AN-A-S! I love you so much!!! You have taught me so much over the past two years! My best JCL memories have you in it. Thank you so, so much for the spirit and kindness you carry w/ you!-Your ILJCL 1st VP/Seth

Dear Belle,These past few years in the JCL w/ you have been amazing. Thank you so much for all our JCL memories. I can’t imagine what would have happened if we hadn’t joined Latin. We certainly would be best friends! -Your 1st JCLove/best friend/ILJCL 1st VP

Don’t associate with Texas!-LJCL Pres.EDITOR’S NOTE: Uh, rude.

Aliyah Quereshi,Are you single?-A random JCLer

Andrew Jeng from Ga,Are you the REAL bridge grandmaster?From,Brandon, Brandon, Brandon, Brandon and Scott from CA

Dear Kayla Riker,Thanks for being an awesome roomie for the past two years. Love, Your RoomieP.S. I stole some of your perfume, sorry.

Kyle, The bromance is back!~Joey

Dear Abbey Haines,On behalf of Massachusetts, how turnt are you?Love,The MA half of MOMAJCL

Dranny Tunzo,WE WILL NEVER FORGET.WE WILL NEVER FORGIVE.-Ohio

All hail Queso-us, appearently god of rain in addition to a trophy

Dear Abbey Haines,Hope you stay turnt as you are when you

go to CA.Sincerely, Brandon Kim, NJCL Parliamentarian and popcorn enthusiast

Dearest Abigail Haines,MDJCL hopes you stay more turnt than Lil Jon eating old bay chips.<3 JCLove,Elliott and his crabs

Dear Abbey Haines,You’re more turnt than the leaning tower of Pisa.Sincerely,Jack Godar, Elliott Rebello, Brandon Kim, Chairs, Keeping my Abbey Turnt Committee

Dear Abbey,Stay turnt 25/8Sincerely,Your neighborhood NJCL Editor, Jack Godar

Reggie,Amazing Job. Kobs is proud! Ready for San Antonio!?Magistra

Gerard, I haven’t seen you as much this Nationals. Probably because you’re busy sitting next to Kurt #SCГ

Watch out everyone, Natalie Bush is street legal! Happy sweet 16!-Drew A.

Louisiana, you make me a proud presi-dent

The sunbears will take over NJCL. Mark my words, they will.

Thiru from LA has not seen any of the Toy Story movies. Get him.

Dear CA H Players, Bees?-P

3NJCL Delegate Emotional

State Tracker:

In true JCLove fashion, Grady and Kaye Warren are celebrat-ing the fiftieth anniversary of their first date – the farewell dance at the 1964 convention at the University of Illinois.

Rap like Pavus Wayne: “Looking for my imaginary friend, call that finding.”-Y. Jang (aka herba vita)-Y. Patel (aka fascis)Stay tuned for more Parvus Wayne! #HebronHS

Quot passus sunt inter meum cubiculum et illud DUC? Nimis! Sic dicit G. Canis.

G. Canis certaminatoribus suis dicit: In proelio scientiam magnam, honorem honestum, virtutem maximam ostendis-tis, sed illa die non satis erat ad adversarios vincendos. Hodie, tamen, iter ad Texatem incipit. Munite vos scientiā et honre et virtute, nam in illis est primus gressus ad victoriam.

Magister Nifong, thank you for always supporting your little Latinists no matter what. I hope you know that we’ll always support you, too. Amamus te. -Ali

To my Glabriolae, the Dog Whisperer and Vispsania:Seeing you two improve over the year was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. You’re two of my greatest friends AND two of the best, most dedicated ceramenators I’ve ever met. I’m sorry this year didn’t work out, but your futures are so bright, I need shades. I love you both. You beasted it.

To my babies and my family – I couldn’t be prouder of you. It’s been so fun practic-ing, studying, and having fun (#juan #josesjalapenohotline

Personals tines, like a fork. We’re tired.Virginia advanced and intermediate teams,It has truly been an honor to be y’all’s assistant Certamen coach this year! Ben, Will, Owen and Sherry, playing vicariously through you guys and seeing your amazing progress from last year has been a wonderful experience. Mitch, Landon, Ryan and Merritt, you guys will never cease to amaze me with your performance. All of y’all have made my first convention as a non-competitor totally worth it!~The creamsicle cat lady

Lisa,I hope you are having a great first convention. I am in awe what you have helped Queen’s Grant accomplish in the short 3 years of Latin and JCL.

-Henkel

#stats) with you this year. You’re the best Novice team I’ve ever seen, I love you, and good luck – not like you need it! Love, CerMOMen

To IL Advanced, I’m so proud of you guys for pulling together so well. Juniors (and Lina), can’t wait to see you next year, and P. Chung – you’re a shining starfish. -Ali

Magister, Nifong,Dura et temet rebus serva secundis. Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit. Amamus te. Magnopere. Tui Discipuli

Novice IL, Gratulationes et optimam fortunam. Si ludebamus magno-pere, luditis maxime. DW and DJP.S. You’re the legend now.

Ali, More than a lit player, no matter how good, IL ths year needed a CerMOMen. Thanks for proving that a family can dominate. Danny

Dear the Sam,Thank you for putting up with our Certamen insainty. You da best. All Your Friends

Dear Vipsania,I’ve been working out for you. My back muscles are exqui-site.

4World Series Schedule 2014

Personally, I think there are a lot of these... Tiberius

2013-2014 IJCL Officers,It was a tough first year for all of us without Denny, but you all were awesome.2014-2015 officers – you’re off to a great start. Keep up the good work. Ambulator

Dear NJCL National Committee,You rock! It’s been a blast. Gratias, Ambulator

Hey NJCL,You rock! Thanks for allowing me to serve you for the last ten years. Ambulator

DW –I don’t care that we’re not play-ing Certamen together anymore. You’re still my number one team-mate– AMP.S. World Series 2k15

Why does everyone have red blood?!?(Pst, they’re all mutants! – GHB)

Sam –

Three conventions together and I still think you’re pretty cute.Ali

Magister Jacobs,Masximas gratias tibi ago. I cannot thank you enough for your dedication, support, and patience for all four years I had you. Without you, I would not be where I am today.Ex animo,Hannah

To all the JCLers, SCLers, and chap-erones who contributed to “Shirts for Anna” . . . My beautiful JCL t-shirt quilt was the most amazing surprise I have ever re-ceived . All your JCLove has brought me to tears.Thanks you so much,a very grateful Anna from Indiana

Attention Metalheads – We will be having our own farewell dance at the same time in room Ø in Atomic Rooster Hall. EDITOR’S NOTE: We do not publish room numbers or halls, fools.

You thought the Latin language was the only dead thing walking? Think again. Sorannah is back.

Dear Meadows JCLers – It has been an honor to be your teacher and fellow troublemaker. There is no way I can tell you how much I love you. So instead of goodbye, I’ll just say “smell you later”! Jankowski

Ambulator,I’ll never be able to thank you enough for introducing me to the JCL. Who knew my journey with this fine organi-zation would come this far. It has been a joy and an honor to call you a teacher, mentor and colleague. Tua discipula, semper.

LOST KEY!!! Lost around Longstreet Means hall (most likely). Please return to lost & found!

What a great group of people we have in JCL. I have hardly opened a door all week. So many people are ready to help a Grannie with a cane. Kids, adults, and Emory people are so polite, kind, and fun!!! Gratias Ago to all. P.S. Wisconsin is the Best.

All hail the Royal Order of Sun Bears!#TongueofJustice

Gratias Maximas to Anastasia + Car-men for the awesome job on stage today. Gratias quoque to Amelia + Paulina for

Round 1Room Teams 208 A - Aurelia et Familia Sua Ingens/ B - #LetMeTakeASCeLfie/ C - Rem Acu Tetigisti 207 D - Dauntless/ E - Mettius Fufetius Confettius/ F - The Bad Larrys 206 G - The Saint & The Sinners/ H - Connecticut-Cali Connection /I - Grady’s Little Beauties 101 J - The Thirsty Chickens/ K - Nomen Factionis/ L - Mala Māla Malumus 205 M - The Bad Larrys are Harder to Kidnapp/ N - Swagammem- non/ O - Drad Ditched Us 110 P - Robert’s Fools of Order/ Q - Vacuae Sella/ R - The Massachusharks

111 S - In Nimis Vini, Nimis Veritatis/ T - Exuviae/ U - Spiritnado 2: The Noismak- ers Return

Room Teams 208 G/ E/ C 207 M/ K/ I 206 P/ N/ L 101 S/ Q/ O 205 J/ H/ F 110 D/ B/ U 111 A/ T/ R

Round 2

5Still Personals...no jokebeing awesome delegates.Cum amore, Vestra Magistra

DLW – Another great convention is almost over! Looking forward to next year in TX! Almost XX!SCDW

This just in listeners – a museum has been named after Carlos! You know, perfect Carlos and his perfect hair…his teeth straight and white as a military cemetery…I personally want to congratulate Strex Corp – the awesome Strex Corp – on this monu-mental accom- I have been informed it is not Carlos but Car-loss museum. Darn. (Shout out to Tim and Shiva and Angel and that guy)

Does the latin case system baffle you? Do you need help distinguishing your vocative from locative? Visit the awe-some new website www.the latinacad-emy.com

Ground Control to Major Tom – your circuit’s dead; there’s something wrong. Can you hear me Major Tom, can you hear me Major Tom, can you? Here I am sitting in a tin can, high above the moon. Planet Earth is blue, and there’s nothing I can do

Phredos: Te amo. Xoxo Kallia

Dear Team Hawtshtuff,it’s too bad we didn’t take a selfie, but I am glad that I got to play with my best friends. Amo te.– AA

Hey, MO, nice praeterition at GA today! – Cicero

We’re Latin students, shouldn’t the DUC be the “Duke” instead of the “Duck”?

Kudos to the GA teachers! Convention AND prep week? Hard core!Plurimas gratias to all of the Emory Cafeteria staff – you have been gra-cious and generous to this invading hoard! Maryland

Thomas Cooper: You are a great col-loquium co-presenter! Big hug, Jankowski

NJ Soccer Team:Congratulations! Estis Optimi. You’re no. 1 in our hearts too! NJ Teachers

Mike A. of NJYou have the heart of a warrior!Magistra

To the phenomenal members of SO-DALITAS, Your help has been unsur-passed. AUDE ALIQUID DIGNUM

Dear Membership and Public Rela-tions Chair from Indiana…It has been a wonderful 3 years. Thanks for showing me the ropes, buddy! :-)- Sincerely, Programs Chair

Hey Lady who went with me to the spa at Caesars…Congratulations…we will rock! P.S. Have you seen my tote-bag from ACL??

To that rather elevated CASCLer –I couldn’t help but notice how amazing you are. You’ve read my letters; now won’t you respond? – a smitten NHJCLer

Dear NJCL,Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reminding me yet again why this organisation will always be my one true love. To my classicist friends, old and new: amicitiae nostrae memo-riam spero sempiternam fore.– Ruiqi He

A shoutout to The Convention Ear writers for brightening my mornings with jovial laughter– an oooooklahoma delegate

A huge thanks to the OKJCL delega-tion for making my convention awe-some – Heath

Hey Crown Point- I love you guys with all my heart (in the least creepy way possible). Though sometimes my hyper-ness can be grat-ing, I hope you find our “Latin family” as great as I do.Amo te, Anna

Kandino,I’m not worried about the extra points, I just want you to know I care. <3 <3

tyler, ashton, rourke, elizabeth, safadi, kristina, heather, sarah, bri, bobby, erin, and of course all us other old fogies: thanks for making this conven-tion another awesome highlight in the books. here’s to many more!

If we had Convention in a different city, we could make different classi-cal puns for Spirit! Just like Atlanta -> Atalanta, all you need to do is add, lose, or change one letter to get a clas-sical person or place! Future Conven-tion sites: Nice, Atlanta, Dallas, Delhi, Helena, Erie. -Fama, @QueenOfWhis-pers

Re Keyser Soze:“I’m telling you a guy like that comes this close to getting caught and stick his head out? If he comes up for any-thing, it will be to get rid of me. After that... my guess is you’ll never hear from him again.”

Re Keyser Soze:I’m telling you this guy is protected from up on high by the Princeps tene-braum.

6

Lucius Quinctius Cincinnattus Lamar II, official ghost of NJCL 2014, bids

farewell.

Susan Schearer is our spirit animal!

Careful observers will have certainly noted that several of today’s events occupy rather abnormal time windows. According to the schedule, Awards Assembly II, which started at 8:15 a.m., will not conclude until 9:30 p.m. Students have attributed this to the biblical number of graphic arts submissions this year. As the 12+ hour awards ceremony drags on, JCLers have resorted to sending their friends out for food and water. Delegates remain glued to their seats out of fear of missing their chance at receiving ribbons. However, even this tribu-lation pales in comparison to the events which began to unfold this morning. Many JCLers reluctantly abandoned the comfort of their beds at four this morning to begin their toga marching. The schedule, which claims that the Procession goes from 4 a.m. to 4:15 p.m., might at first appear mistaken. However, when a few skeptical students raised ques-tions, sponsors responded that the scheduling was intentional. Genera-tionally advanced conventioneers argue that “in their day” they used to process for days on end while pushing boulders uphill both ways. And so Procession drags on, slowly wearing away at the hearts and minds of sweaty JCLers in bed sheets. Groups shuffle around like zombies, wishing even for the sweet release of a Colloquium to allow them to rest. The death march will hopefully conclude in time for the three-day farewell dance and the seven-month final fellowship.

Everlasting Events Ensure Exhaustion

All those opposed to this photo say, “nay.”

Valete, mea amici! Nos

amo.

All Hail Empress Dutra!

That incessant wail you hear coming from the DUC is the sound of sixteen-hundred JCLers si-

multaneously bemoaning the retirement of Geri Dutra, longtime ACL Administrator Extraordinaire. In response to her newly found mounds of free time, Mrs. Dutra plans to become the next Queen-Empress of all things Classical. This list includes, but is not limited to, classical music, classical cars, classical literature, Coca Cola Classic, classical conditioning, and the classic Poke-mon. Her duties encompass constantly reminding those less cul-tured that these things do exist. Her Majesty Susan Schearer will be acting as a confidante to Mrs. Dutra during her time of ascen-sion by helping her really bring out the oomph in the “Eheu” for the Aurelia Passage. Despite our excitement over her new role, we will miss her at NJCL.

7The Convention Ear Staff

Lavender Brown -Kati KrchnavyPenelope Clearwater - Kristina MihajlovicLee Jordan - Mark DiTusaSusan Bones - Carolyn ManionRubeus Hagrid - Steve GentleRemus Lupin - Ian AndersonCedric Diggory - Andrew BoudonSeamus Finnigan - Alex TetreaultOliver Wood - Sid DavisLuna Lovegood - Maddie BrinerMinerva McGonagall - Sara RadosevichFred Weasley - Chris RourkeGeorge Weasley - Tyler CunnionDean Thomas - Christopher WarringtonNeville Longbottom - Bobby McDonaldGinny Weasley - Mollie EfflerBill Weasley - Ryan VinsonNymphadora Tonks - Emily ForneyHermione Granger - Caitlin JohnstonCharlie Weasley - Kurt RistrophColin Creevy - Trace Turner

Thank you so much to this incredible staff of hard-working SCLers. Hope to see you all next year in Texas!

Many of you may have noticed the abundance of a rather creepy skeleton around campus- what with all the random posters, paintings, and of course, that striking statue. Now I know there have been rumors that he is part of an Emory University tradition - an unofficial mascot dubbed “Dool-ey”, brought forth from the depths of the Biology Depart-ment. Well, beloved JCLers, I am here to put these rumors to rest. I am here to finally reveal the truth. “Dooley” is in fact a JCL legend. Our story dates back to 1991, the first NJCL Convention at Emory. A rather famous classicist and well known Pro-fessor at Emory, Mr. Lucius Quinctius Cincinnattus Lamar II, had recently passed away, and under the most mysteri-ous of circumstances. His students were the classiest of classicists, a fine selection of former JCLers. But alas, they were often burdened by the overwhelming stress of his class. They compared the struggle for an A to the cursed fates of Sisyphus and Tantalus, and argued that it would be easier to escape from the Underworld alive than to pass his final translation exam. Well you see, in the midst of all the chaos surrounding his death and replacement, it was hardly noticed when a statue of a skeleton suddenly appeared in central campus. Wearing a smirk and cloaked in darkness, the eerie figure offered out an upturned top hat.

Enter hordes of fresh JCLers, stressing over impossibly hard grammar tests, trying Latin recitations, and overly competitive Ludi guys. Day in and day out, the mysterious Charon-like skeleton beckons them, the upturned hat de-manding payment and promising relief. Then the fateful day arrived, when one JCLer dared to drop a single dollar coin into the hat. Sources say the skeleton’s smirk widened when the coin clattered against the metal bottom. Lo and behold, the delegate was amazed when suddenly he was able to ace every test, and able to dominate every competition. But amidst his success, he was inexplicably drawn back to the statue, until he too mysteriously disap-peared. The next day, a painting materialized: a haunting representation of the delegate as a skeleton. It seemed that in exchange for success at the NJCL Con-vention, he had been summoned to take the place of the famed professor. The doomed delegate now stood as the guardian of the Underworld, promising un-limited ribbons and trophies in exchange for his cursed fate. It is said that the cycle continues to this day. That the current Dooley can be freed into the afterlife by a foolish JCLer seeking success. So next time you’re out around campus, count how many skeletons you see, and pay tribute to our lost JCLers. But above all, be sure that you don’t become one of them. After all, these competitions are all in good fun, right?

Skeleton Statue Exposed!

Page *@!#If you don’t know what this is by now,

you should probably just go home.

That’s Entertainment Edition

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