copyright, edyoung, phd, 3-1999 1 lesson 9 existential conflicts produced by identity crises across...

copyright, edyoung, PhD, 3-1999

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Lesson 9

EXISTENTIAL CONFLICTS PRODUCED BY IDENTITY CRISES

ACROSS LIFE STAGES


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Table of contentsExistential Conflicts Produced By Identity Crises

Across Life Stages

1. The Hidden Life of Feelings and Instincts That Are Incompatible With Public Identity

2. Identity and Existential Crisis in Late Adolescence3. Identity And Social Comparison Anxiety Crisis In Late

Adolescence4. IDENTITY CRISIS IN CHILDHOOD: Am I Vulnerable to Being

Destroyed With No Parent or Adult There to Save Me or Even Who Cares?

5. IDENTITY CRISIS IN EARLY ADOLESCENCE: Dealing with Anxiety, Fear, and Cowardice

6. Relationship Formation and Changes in Identity and Behavior7. Beginning Crystallization of Identity Configuration in Late

Adolescence and the Development of Styles of Relating to Identity8. Identity and Anxiety over the Social Comparison Crises During

Young Adulthood


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The Hidden Life of Feelings and Instincts That Are Incompatible With Public Identity

• The passage into and through stages of life involves an increasing split between the private and public personality. The incorporation of adult cultural values and mores, particularly taboos, result in suppression of the unbridled instincts and emotions of childhood.

• Observable things that have happened to the person or have been observed to have Observable things that have happened to the person or have been observed to have emanated from the person become more or less permanent qualifiers of that person’s emanated from the person become more or less permanent qualifiers of that person’s public identity. All of the factors below that affect identity, whether positive or public identity. All of the factors below that affect identity, whether positive or negative, can result in feelings that can not be expressed publicly because they are negative, can result in feelings that can not be expressed publicly because they are inconsistent with some identity attribute. A person harboring these inconsistencies inconsistent with some identity attribute. A person harboring these inconsistencies and hiding the related feelings, becomes aware of the discrepancy between the public and hiding the related feelings, becomes aware of the discrepancy between the public identity and the private self and this presents a stressful problem which the person identity and the private self and this presents a stressful problem which the person has to learn to live with and somehow master. Hiding the feelings related to these has to learn to live with and somehow master. Hiding the feelings related to these identity qualifiers results in having to keep up a perpetual façade.identity qualifiers results in having to keep up a perpetual façade.

• Things that alter and qualify one’s identity:Things that alter and qualify one’s identity:– Happening to the person:Happening to the person:

• EventsEvents• Accidents Accidents • External evaluations and rankingExternal evaluations and ranking

– Emanating from the person: Emanating from the person: • Acts committed. Acts committed. • Feelings and Emotions Expressed. Feelings and Emotions Expressed. • Ambitions. Ambitions. • Desires.Desires.

• This public-private split leaves each person vulnerable to the possibility of emotional This public-private split leaves each person vulnerable to the possibility of emotional blackmail by anyone who might have a motive to do so. This exerts a powerful blackmail by anyone who might have a motive to do so. This exerts a powerful pressure to keep one’s identity in good repair, but is also extremely inhibiting.pressure to keep one’s identity in good repair, but is also extremely inhibiting.


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Identity and Existential

Crisisin Late

Adolescence

It is just me the earth and the moon and stars. Where did it all come from? What is

going to happen to

me?

Teens in the dark about their world.

I haven’t a clue as to what all this is about??

And, I don’t want any body to know it, but being totally in the dark scares the hell out of me!!


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Identity And Social Comparison Anxiety Crisis In Late Adolescence:

• In childhood and early adolescence, identity changes quickly. They ‘take on’ the identities of fictional characters or pretend to ‘be’ certain ways as an experimentation to see how it feels and how others react. Parental labeling does not immediately become a permanent part of the identity. That happens gradually and then in middle adolescence is thrown off while experimenting with identities among peers. A mid-teen can become temporarily upset when an identity is challenged by peers, but then just insolently shrug it off when challenged by a parent. In late adolescence, identities begin to be more enduring. When these identities are challenged, anxiety, self doubt, and resentment can become intense and prolonged.

– Gender is a focus of identity in late adolescence. By late adolescence, the range of gender identities are well known as well as the value attached to each by different groups. If a preferred identity is challenged by one’s own peer group, the emotional reaction can be volatile. Identities are situational, but, if one’s gender identities in two different situations are extremely inconsistent and this is discovered, intense anxiety is provoked.

– Status in adolescence is, for the most part, derived but is beginning to be earned on the basis of one’s own behavior. Socio-economic status and status in school as a member or officer in organized groups or sports contributes to the adolescent's identity and is, therefore, also a form of derived status. Being an outsider in school groups leads to chronic anxiety over identity and is resolved by identification with an informal group or gang. Being totally ostracized leads to suicidal thoughts and behavior that is self destructive or accident proneness without appearing to be deliberately suicidal. Being such a powerful influence in the late teen’s life, they begin to struggle to gain some kind of identity based on their own manner of behaving and own achievements. Since this identity is in the process of being achieved and depends on recognition by others, it is initially unstable and is one of the major causes behind the stormy emotions exhibited by so many late adolescents.

• As identities become more enduring, the late adolescent begins to look to the future and imagine and plan for advanced education and/or occupations based on these developing identities. Since it is difficult for a teen to know what future possible occupations or schools of advanced education are really like, they are often told that their choices do not fit them. These pronouncements by others can result in deep feelings of hurt, resignation, and despair or resentment and defiance, but sometimes can cause pervasive anxiety. To combat these feelings, the late teen will often fabricate stories about their future prospects and plans.

•Gender•Status

•Future Plans and Prospects


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But I can’t let anybody

know what I’m feeling.

IDENTITY CRISIS IN CHILDHOOD: Am I Vulnerable to Being Destroyed With No Parent or Adult There to Save Me or Even Who Cares?

This thunder and lightening is going to get me for sure!

I’m really scared!


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Anxiety Over Threats to Identity• Identity is in the eye of the beholder. The ‘other’ holds the power to alter, promote,

maintain, demote, or erase one’s identity. The ‘other’ can attempt to alter someone’s identity for purely private motivations, completely independent of that person’s actual behavior. The ‘other’ can seek to maintain someone’s identity in spite of the fact that that person’s actual behavior has become far superior to, inferior to, or simply different from their prior identity. When the ‘other’s’ stance, with respect to someone’s identity, changes, this can be and usually is a threat and source of anxiety. When the ‘other’ is recalcitrant and refuses to revise an identity, the reaction is deep seated bitterness.

• Any deviation presents some degree of threat and the challenge of coping with this threat always involves some degree of anxiety. The exact degree of anxiety is a matter of how the person relates to identity and its degree of consistency with self concept and actual behavior.

• Comfort with an identity or altered identity comes from within the person. One’s behavior and/or self concept can deviate from one’s identity, either in public or private, and this deviation becomes something the person must cope with. How the person copes with these deviations, which occur throughout life, is a matter of their style of relating or manner of relating to the identity attributes which are either ascribed to the person or which are presented by the person to the world. Styles of relating or coping are of critical importance to each person’s adjustment in life and to life.


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IDENTITY CRISIS IN EARLY ADOLESCENCE:

Dealing with Anxiety, Fear, and Cowardice

Oh my god! Here I am all alone in the middle of the night walking past a graveyard and what are those terrifying eyes staring out of the dark?

If I run or scream it will surely come after me. If I stay here it will come after me anyway. I’m frozen in my tracks and lost my voice. I hope, if I get out alive, nobody finds out how scared I was. I’m supposed to be

brave and incapable of being spooked in a situation like this.

What does this say about me??

End Of The Road Graveyard


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Relationship Formation and Changes in Identity and Behavior• Most relationships form on the basis of important similarities in aspects of identity. Both partners are

identified as being fairly equal in appearance, socio-economic standing, education, intelligence, degree appearance of conventionality. Their community identifies them as having, and expects from them, fairly similar behavior with respect to these obvious aspects.

• Once relationships are formed and the two are identified as a couple, the community first quickly notices if they behave in concert with respect to these aspects. Second, the community notices if there are differences between them on less obvious aspects or dimensions such as sociability, spending money, affection, and general interests. The famous statements begin with ‘Well he . . . , but she . . .’ or ‘She/He used to be . . . until they got together.’

• After the first few months the relationship honeymoon is over. When the couple is alone, they each begin to bring up these differences in public perception and personal preferences. Each begins to put pressure on the other to reduce the contrasts in the way they appear in public and the way they order or conduct their lives in private. The familiar accusation is, ‘You are not what I thought you were. You were not that way when we got together.’ Each pressures the other to bring their public behavior into conformity with the way they think the community sees them and what they think the community expects of them. On the other hand, each pressures the other to return to their original behavior or to accommodate to their needs and preferences in the relationship. When their behaviors in public and private are considerably inconsistent, they will use these inconsistencies to pressure the mate to either bring the private into line with the public or vice versus, depending upon whether it is the public or private that is objectionable.

• After an extended period of time, each either resigns to having to accept the objectionable inconsistencies, begins a process of separation, or reorganizes their lives so as to meet their needs with other people or in other different patterns.

• Over time, identities either converge or are crystallized as being irremediably different and inconsistent.• In either case, if the outcome is a widening of the difference between the public identity and private self or

prized preferences and needs, the person feels a part of themselves has been lost and feels despair. They either lose something important about themselves or lose something they needed from the relationship. Their styles of relating to their identities determines the paths they take with respect to these relationship generated identity crises.


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Beginning Crystallization of Identity Configuration in Late Adolescence and the Development of Styles of Relating to Identity.

Porous Rigid Effacing Chameleon Pretentious Hidden Styles of Relating to: Identity, Persona, Image Presentation

These styles relate to the manner in which identity attributes are adopted or presented and to the manner of coping with discrepancies and threats.


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Identity and Anxiety over the Social Comparison Crises During Young Adulthood• The person and the other, both, first are playing with identity In childhood and then

experimenting with identity in late adolescence. The uncertainty, lack of knowledge, and instability that infects the quest for identity up through late adolescence is accepted as normal, though to many adults is quite unsettling. Nevertheless, these were stages that inevitably had to be passed through.

• During these stages, the person develops their style of relating to identity. Dealing with ephemeral, chimerical identities and the reactions of others to these changes is a proving ground for developing their style. Also, as one emerges from these stages, personality traits tend to stabilize and to become permanent fixtures designated by a battery of adjectives that define the way the person acts in relation to others.

• The next stage, young adulthood, involves the acquisition of cultural labels derived from educational and occupational choices, affiliations with formal social organizations, and preferences for recreational activities. The person begins to be described primarily by occupational titles and positions and types of organizations and roles within organizations. These titles, positions, roles, etc. all carry valuations so that each person is ranked by them. The valuation will differ depending on whether it is an in-group member or an outsider doing the ranking.

• Regardless of who is ranking, one’s relative standing in someone’s eyes is a cause for grave concern. Any comments about one’s rank brings immediate attention. Movement up or down or sideways is always a source of some degree of anxiety. The question always arises, “What do they think of me or what are they going to think of me?” This type of concern is inwardly felt as meeting or departing from one’s own criteria for the necessary conditions of their existence. When these conditions are grossly out of line with one’s criteria, the result can be anxiety and despair, even, in some cases, to the point of considering suicide.

• In young adulthood, when these positions and ranks are first being established, and one is so frequently queried about their prospective or actual positions, the emotions run high from elation to despair, from dread to smugness and can change very rapidly.


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SUMMARY of LESSON 9From Late Adolescence to Young Adulthood,

Existential Crises Over Identity Abound

1.Things happen to people, particularly from late adolescence to young adulthood, that can elevate or smear their identity, seemingly, for life.

2. Identity deviations during this period are more the rule than the exception and usually are perceived as a threat. Therefore, learning how to cope with identity threats is a stage-specific, critical, developmental task.

3.During this period, people find they have to face their differences, frailties, vulnerabilities, and limitations, yet, at the same time, must hide this from their public. The public-private split in one’s personality is most acute and disturbing during this period.

4.During this period, identities, with respect to gender and status, become increasingly, clearly, and permanently delineated and objectively classified and perceived as one’s life-fate.

5.Two major landmarks for identity classification during this period are marriage and occupation. In each case, one’s choices seem to seal one’s identity as one’s life-fate.

6.For many, entering these fateful doors is a life and death terror. For many others, the terror begins when they realize they are trapped and their identity is sealed as a life-fate.

copyright, edyoung, phd, 3-1999 1 lesson 9 existential conflicts produced by identity crises across...

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