coun 407, final present, 4 27
TRANSCRIPT
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Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a Partner…Partner…Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a Partner…Partner… Preventing
Emotional Disconnect for Midlife Women Experiencing Partner Loss…
Jen Gargrave
Nancy McGinnis
April 27, 2006
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Urgent Call to Disconnect
The Enemy Is IsolationThe Enemy Is IsolationThe Enemy Is IsolationThe Enemy Is Isolation
Life Becomes Unbalanced, Resourceless, Stuck.
Why?
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THE FIVE STAGES OF THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEFGRIEF
(Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D.)
THE FIVE STAGES OF THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEFGRIEF
(Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D.)
•Denial and Isolation
•Anger
•Bargaining
•Depression
•Acceptance
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Our Goal: Meeting These Needs;
4 Tasks of Mourning4 Tasks of MourningJ. William WordenJ. William Worden
4 Tasks of Mourning4 Tasks of MourningJ. William WordenJ. William Worden
To accept the reality of the
loss
Experience the pain of the
loss
Adjust to the new
environment without the
lost object
Reinvest in the new reality
TT
EE
AA
RR
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Needs AssessmentNeeds Assessment
2. Survey for Client Readiness
1. Survey for Type of Loss:
AnticipationDisconnectLoss of Loved OnePartner Loss
3. Survey for Challenges Faced Due to Losses
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Life After Loss of Partner Your assistance is requested to help two graduate students of counseling to develop a group therapy program addressing grieving and loss in general, as well as the delicate subject of partner loss. We are surveying for both readiness to actively participate, as well as the appropriate emotional content of our program. Sharing your life experience would help us immensely. Any sense of relationship loss (friends, family, partners) is applicable to the following surveys, ranging from anticipating break-ups and illness progression, to experiencing separation, divorce, and death of a spouse. Please check the appropriate responses below. READINESS SURVEY YES NO NEUTRAL
1. I have recently been dealing with anticipating the loss of a friend or family member.
2. I have cut off ties with a loved one due to un-reconciled disagreements or behavior. -If answering Yes, how long has the separation lasted?
3. I have experienced the loss of a friend/family member due to debilitating illness, and/or death. -If answering Yes, indicate how long ago.
4. I have recently been dealing with anticipating the loss of my life partner.
5. I have experienced the loss of my life partner due to a major break-up, separation or divorce. -If answering Yes, indicate how long ago.
6. I have experienced the loss of my life partner due to debilitating illness, and/or death. -If answering Yes, indicate how long ago.
7. There is a gap in processing where I stand now and where I wish to be about loss.
8. I am willing to try on different perspectives in my life, even if I’m not sure they will work.
9. I’m currently committed to spending the necessary time and/or money to address the impact of grieving and resolving my sense of this loss.
10. I believe I am fully responsible for my life.
11. I have, or am ready to create a support system in my life.
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Anticipation:
Disconnect:
Loss of Loved One: Partner Loss:
Result AnalysisResult Analysis
Surveys for Type of Loss:
Total Response Rate:
25 of 40= 62%25 of 40= 62%
2 YES responses of 2 YES responses of 44
3 YES responses 3 YES responses
of 25of 25 6 YES responses of 256 YES responses of 25
15 YES responses of 2515 YES responses of 25
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Result Analysis:Result Analysis:Client Readiness:
#7. Seeking answers: 12 Yes of 12 Yes of 2525
#8. Change of perspective: 16 16 Yes of 25Yes of 25
#9. Committed to work on it: 6 6 Yes of 25Yes of 25
#10. Responsible for self: 22 22 Yes of 25Yes of 25
#11. Seeking support system: 21 21 Yes of 25Yes of 25
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Survey #1
10%
62%
14%
52%
57%
19%
86%
81%
86%
38%
81%
29%
14%
33%
10%
10%
5%
0%
5%
19%
29%
48%
5%
10%
0% 10% 20% 30% 40% 50% 60% 70% 80% 90% 100%
#1 (1&4) ANTICIPATING life partner loss
#2 (5) LOSS: separation/Divorce
#3 (3&6) LOSS: illness/death
#4 (7) GAP: seeking answers
#5 (8) Change of PERSPECTIVE
#6 (9) COMMITTED to work on it
#7 (10) RESPONSIBLE for self
#8 (11) Seeking SUPPORT system
YES
NO
Neutral
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Life After Loss of Partner: Please rate the meaningfulness of the following statements: INTEREST/NEEDS SURVEY
Challenges I face due to my losses:
1 DOES NOT APPLY
2 SELDOM CHALLENGING
3 SOMETIMES CHALLENGING
4 OFTEN CHALLENGING
5 CONSTANTLY CHALLENGING
Overall Stress
Sadness
Loneliness
Lack of Inner Strength
Resolve and Relief
Anger
Resentment
Abandonment
Betrayal
Forgiveness of Partner
Forgiveness of Self
Prioritizing My New Needs
Self Image
Addressing My Family’s New Needs
Changing Parenting Style
Emotional Stability
Financial Stability
Disbelief in My Ability to Proceed
Other: (Please Fill In)
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Interest & Needs Survey
12%8%12%
16%24%
12%20%
36%56%
24%16%16%
12%28%
52%8%
20%36%
16%36%28%
40%40%
32%36%
28%16%
32%28%
16%32%
24%28%
24%4%
32%
24%44%
40%28%
28%32%
32%16%
16%20%
32%36%
28%32%
16%52%
20%24%
32%4%
16%16%
8%8%
4%12%
4%8%
20%24%
28%8%
0%4%
36%4%
16%8%
4%0%0%
16%8%8%8%
16%4%
8%0%
8%4%
12%20%
4%
0% 10% 20% 30% 40% 50% 60% 70% 80% 90% 100%
Overall STRESS, (1)
LONELINESS, (1)
RESOLVE & RELIEF, (5)
RESENTMENT, (2)
BETRAYAL, (2)
FORGIVENESS of SELF, (3&5)
SELF IMAGE, ( 4)
CHANGING Parenting Style, (5)
FINANCIAL Stability, (4)
OTHER
Ch
alen
ges
1 DNA
2 SELDOM
3 SOME.
4 OFTEN
5 CONST.
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Emotional Stability:Emotional Stability: Sometimes52%52%
Sadness:Sadness: Sometimes44%44%
Loneliness:Loneliness: Sometimes40%40%
Stress, & Self Image:Stress, & Self Image: Often 32%, 32%, & 28%28%
Financial Stability:Financial Stability: 36%36% Often, 20%20% Constantly
Betrayal:Betrayal: Does NOT apply56%56%
Responses for Challenges Faced:
Result Analysis: InterestResult Analysis: Interest
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Issues of Isolation & Denial:
ChallengesChallenges
LonelinessOverall stress
Sadness
Prioritizing new needsAddressing family’s new needs
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ChallengesChallenges
Issues of Acceptance:
Acceptance requires forgivingChanging parenting styleEmotional stability
Financial instability
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ChallengesChallenges
Issues of Depression:
SadnessLack of inner strength
Disbelief in ability to proceedSelf image
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ChallengesChallenges
Issues of Anger:
Expression & RepressionResentment
Abandonment
Betrayal
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Challenges Challenges
Issues of Bargaining:
Forgiveness of partnerForgiveness of self
Reforming sense of
inner strength
Resolve and relief
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Gap Analysis: Gap Analysis: Phoenix Project:Phoenix Project:
•“Container” concept: insular group, maximizes experience, allows emotional safety.
•Consultants for bodywork, energy healing, art & dance therapy, anger therapy, are cohorts.
12 week Individual & group therapy
•Creative projects, & rituals trigger deep unresolved issues.
•Public presentation at “graduation”.
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Gap to fill: Gap to fill: Phoenix ProjectPhoenix Project
•Patriarchal approach.
•Time & money investment is prohibitive.
•“Container” concept: Very insular, too intense.
•Expects high level of self awareness.
Main Barriers to Using this Program
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Gap Analysis: Gap Analysis: Loss of Loss of PartnerPartner
Feminist Approach
Major Differences:
Brief & Affordable
Breaks Through Isolation
Builds Awareness Realistically
Self image work
Coping Skills
Support/Networking in Community
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Partner Loss Program Format:Partner Loss Program Format:6 week Group Therapy:Wk 1: Intro, Issues of Isolation & Denial
Wk 2: Issues of Acceptance
Wk 3: Issues of Depression
Wk 4: Issues of Anger
Wk 5: Issues of Bargaining, Client Evaluation
Wk 6: Feedback, Resolution, Closure Celebration
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Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a PartnerPartner
Humor as a tool to battle depression/stress
Remake self from the inside out
Self Image WorkSelf Image Work
Depression Issues: Depression Issues: PreviewPreview
Retail Therapy
Shoe Therapy
Make-Overs
Group Consultation
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Life After Loss of a Life After Loss of a PartnerPartner
Rewrite the internal scripts with humor:
Acceptance & Acceptance & Bargaining:Bargaining:
Forgiveness WorkForgiveness Work
Journaling
Narrative therapy
Role Playing
Garden Therapy
“Clipping” Meditation
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DIRECT:
Educational programs:
Midlife issue focus
Emotional wellness
Family healing
Group Counseling
Individual Counseling
Career Counseling
Financial Counseling
Community Services: Client Community Services: Client Services:Services:
Outreach Programs:
Grief and Loss
Creativity Coaching
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INDIRECT:Women’s advocacy:
Social policies for midlife
Community Services: Client Community Services: Client Services:Services:
NetworkingConsultation Referrals:
Community Agencies Health Care Professionals
Community awareness: Self Help Groups
Focus Study Groups:
Identify evolving social needs
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Self Assessment:Self Assessment:Distribute/Discuss Response Form
Review Expectations
Review Results of Feedback
Contact Group participants at the 3 month and 6 month markers.
Evaluate Growth and Improvement Areas
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ConclusionConclusionIsolation Broken
Burden is Lighter
Future Brightens
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Sources: Sources: LiteratureCoryell, D. M., (2003-2006). GOOD GRIEF: Healing Through the Shadow of Loss, http://www.griefcounselor.org/
Kubler-Ross, E. On Death and Dying. Scribner (1969) New York.
Miller J., (May 1993). Healing Our Losses: A Journal for Working Through Your Grief .
The Phoenix Project, http://kristo.com/Phoenix/Phoenix.htmlTLC Group, Dallas Texas,(1997). Beware the 5 Stages of "Grief” , http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm
J. William Worden's Four Tasks of Grief Model:
http://www.thenewsongcenter.org/fourtasks.php, also http://www.vitas.com/bereavement/providers1.asp
Worden, J.W. (1991). Grief counseling and grief therapy: A handbook for the mental health practitioner, 2nd edition. New York: Springer.
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SourcesSourcesPhotography/Artwork:http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v248/Tildblog/flaminganger.png
www.misplaced.co.uk/uglybusiness/buffy.php
www.banderasnews.com
spiritwellreiki.com
www.yogahealth.us
http://www.heswallphotosoc.co.uk/images/Isolation.jpg
www.midlifeandmenopause.co.uk/
www.istockphoto.com