Courage-Compassion-Love Recovery: A Solution Focused Approach

▪ Dr. Louise A Stanger, Ed.D, LCSW, BRI II, CIP

▪ Faculty SDSU Interwork Institute

▪ Mint Trainer of Trainers

▪ All About Interventions

Objectives of Our Time Together

▪ To Talk about Family , Friend Recovery

▪ To Show Ways in Which Family and Friends May Engage In Healthy Communications

▪ To Demonstrate ways in which Families, Friends can take care of themselves

Courage

▪ It’s not the absence of fear

▪ Rather The ability to move beyond it

▪ Alanon: “ Courage is fear that has said its prayers”

LOVE: What is it ? How does our brain respond ?▪ Lust – Testerone and

in Addiction we tend to lust after something or someone

▪ Romantic Love- First phase this is driven by an increase in dopamine

Romantic Love

▪ Decrease in serotonin when falling in love – so moods are highly unstable

▪ Wild inability to control thoughts during this stage

▪ Love can mimic addiction

Deep Attachment

▪ Hormones Vasopressin and Oxytocin are responsible for creating pleasurable sensations especially calm and security

▪ After the pleasure centers have calmed down we form deep attachment

Definition of Addiction ▪ Addiction is a primary, chronic disease of brain

reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry.

▪ Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations.

▪ This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors.

Healthy Families ( McMannis PHD & McMannis MSW)

▪ Talking & Loving ▪ Expressing Language ▪ Adapting to Change ▪ Sharing Time

Together ▪ Who’s in Charge

▪ Balancing Closeness & Difference

▪ Accepting Difference ▪ Seeing The Positive ▪ Effective Problem

Solving ▪ Parenting Together

The Stanger Process▪ AN ELEVEN-STEP PROCESS FOR A TWELVE-

STEP SOLUTION

Family Systems Minuchin

Parent

SiblingCouple

Before Treatment Families

▪ Confused ▪ Bewildered

▪ Attached to The Problem

▪ Deny ▪ Minimize

Feelings Families Have

▪ Confusion

▪ Anger

▪ Sadness

▪ Love

Recovery Includes Everyone

▪ Letting go of what one cannot control.

▪ Learning how to care for ourselves and not be attached to the problem

▪ Learning about SA/MH Disorders and family systems

What is Recovery ????

Recovery Is ……

▪ Lifelong Growth ▪ Development of new

problem solving skills and strategies

▪ Responding not Reacting

▪ Being Mindful and Compassionate to self and Others

Families and Friends learn

▪ Addiction is a brain disease

▪ Detachment- the 4 C.’s did not cause, can’t control, cure the disorder,

▪ Can celebrate ones recovery and ones self care

▪ To differentiate between the disorder and the person

▪ To learn stress reduction

▪ To build a recovery network of their own, Alanon

Roles

▪ Visitor

▪ Complainant

▪ Customer

How do you Listen ?

What Type of Communication Skills Do you Have?

▪ Echo Key Words ▪ Open Ended

Questions ▪ Paraphrase ▪ Body Language ▪ Summarize ▪ Self -Disclose

How Ready are you To Change????▪ Pre-contemplative ▪ Contemplative ▪ Determined ▪ Action ▪ Maintenance ▪ Relapse

▪ Prochaska & DeClemente’s Stages of Change

7 Principles of Recovery

▪ Abstinence ▪ Peer Support ▪ Medication ▪ Exercise ▪ Ritual ▪ Good Nutrition ▪ Professional

Consultation and Services

Blueprint For Your Sucess

▪ Physical

▪ Emotional

▪ Spiritual or Consistent with your Values

Coping Questions >>>>>

▪ What have you done to take care of yourself?

▪ What do you do to take care of yourself? (physically, emotionally, spiritually)

▪ How are you dealing with all that is going on?

▪ How are you detaching with compassion

Scaling Questions

▪Motivation

▪ Confidence

Ways in Which you may help your loved one in recovery

▪ Encourage continued work in 12 step or other

▪ Understand that immersion in a program does not mean a recovering person does not love you. They go to meetings everyday so they may learn to love themselves

▪ Be honest, no more secrets

▪ Set Boundaries

▪ Use Problem solving skills

▪ Learn to detach with love and stop protective adaptive behaviors that were unhelpful ie paying for everything, bailing out, making excuses etc

▪ COMMUNICATE

▪ Do not keep alcohol or other drugs in the home.

▪ Discuss with your loved one

Steps to Recovery

▪ Embrace the Right Attitude

▪ Use problem solving skills learned

▪ Learn to identify and manage stress over co-occurring disorders –

Steps to Recovery

▪ Build a recovery life style ( abstinence, alternative modalities for chronic pain meal plans etc)

▪ Let go of self defeating behaviors and negative self talk

▪ Stay Focused - a job ▪ Be prepared for life time

growth ▪ Be prepared not everyday is

a celebration. There may be some tough days

HELP WITH HALT

▪ Suggest healthy meal schedule

▪ Encourage a loved one to state feelings rather then act out frustrations

▪ Encourage new friendships . Support a healthy exercise program

▪ Encourage if appropriate relaxation , meditation techniques.

▪ Practice or be willing to try what you suggest

Magic Words

▪ Yes ▪ No ▪ Oh ▪ Really ▪ Whatever

Cultivate Compassion

▪ “Compassion is a sensitivity to suffering with a commitment to try and alleviate and prevent that suffering “

▪ The human brain is different as it has “emotional memory “ Ie we are not the zebra and the lion

▪ Greater Good Science Center UC Berkley

Emotional Memory

▪ Attachment System gets fused with fear

▪ Fear becomes dominant

▪ Emotional loop opens up and fear dominates they are in a loop which focuses on negative behaviors

Emotional Memory

▪ Brain is “Velcro for negative and Threat Based and Teflon for Positive”

▪ Examples : Vacation ▪ Can you think of one

Shifting The Conversation Mindfulness

Exercise : Imagine your excitement over a vacation or possibility of winning the lottery

Switch on purpose to an argument or one of your core worries

Attention and refocusing takes us out of the anger loop

Mattheiu Ricard, “ “Are minds are like gardens they grow naturally”.

Three Kinds of Happy Lives Martin Seligman, 2004 Ted Talk

▪ Pleasant Life- find in life as many things pleasant as you can

▪ The life of engagement –life in work, parenting, love and leisure

▪ The meaningful life- knowing your highest strengths and using them to the fullest in service to something higher then yourselves

Exuberant Human Beings

▪ Surround themselves with other Happy Folks ( Framington Heart Study)

▪ They Smile when they mean it. (Academy of Management Journal)

▪ The Cultivate Resilience (“ Fall 7 Times Stand up 8)

▪ Resilience is the opposite of Depression

Exuberant Human Beings

▪ They are mindful of the good by celebrating small and big victories

▪ They Appreciate Simple Pleasures ( get caught up or carried away in projects – Flat Stanley)

▪ They try to be happy (Fake it till you make it!) Journal of Positive Psychology

▪ Nix Small Talk for Deeper Conversation (Psychological Sciences)

More Habits

▪ They spend money on other people (Science)

▪ Practice Random Kindness

▪ They Make a Point to Listen

▪ They Uphold In-Person Connections

▪ They do not Confuse Temporary with Permanent

And Some More…..

▪ They Value a Good Mixed Tape-Music is Powerful

▪ They Unplug- meditate, disconnect

And Some More….

▪ They LOL Laughter is the best medicine

▪ They walk the walk ▪ They go outside ▪ They devote some

time to giving ▪ They spend some

time on a pillow

RECOVERY is a BEAUTIFUL THING

Resources

▪ Dailygood.org ▪ Alanon Family

Groups ▪ NAMI ▪ Hazelden

Publications ▪ Dr. Louise Stanger ▪ 619-507-1699

Falling Up