web viewwells makes the case that the christian life does not follow a script with defined acts,...

Habits that Sustain Ministry Summer 2016Craig Stephans Spiritual Autobiography

My Christian maturity has occurred in equal measure through the

influence of the body of Christ and from my experience of the Lord in

solitude. This may be indicative of the journey my spiritual path has taken

as well as my personality type of an INFP or an ENFP depending on the day of

the week. My faith developed from within a Roman Catholic family that

attended church regularly each Sunday. From this faith foundation, God has

brought me to the priesthood in the Anglican Church of North America.

Along the way, I have spent several years in interdenominational,

charismatic, evangelical, African-American and Pentecostal streams of the

faith. Throughout my spiritual journey, many Christian leaders have blessed

me with their guidance and ministry.

I recently shared with my congregation the blessing of growing up in

the Catholic Church of St. John the Baptist in Edmond, OK. Every Sunday, I

experienced worship while gazing at Jesus Christ upon the cross. I would

receive Holy Communion each Sunday, return to my pew and pray with the

assurance that God loved me and Jesus died to forgive my sins. Through

praying the Lord’s Prayer, I grew up knowing God as my Father in Heaven

who forgives my sins. This faith in Jesus and the Father was no small thing in

my life; however, my relationship with the Lord did not extend much past

this basic knowledge.

Through much of my youth, I prayed often, but my prayers were on a

range of limited topics. They mostly addressed a few things: 1. Asking God

to forgive me for sins. 2. Asking God to get me out of trouble. 3. Asking

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God for help with school, sports and girls. God miraculously kept me safe

and unscathed through my teen years.

I considered myself “good” in comparison to other kids but not “too

good” as to be weird or necessarily religious. My arbitrary arrangement with

God consisted of me trying to be good most of the time, and he would get

me out of trouble and forgive my sins each week. I didn’t know that there

was more to the faith than this sort of arrangement.

During high school, I went to Young Life. When given the opportunity, I

asked Jesus into my heart, because “Why wouldn’t someone want Jesus in

their heart?” The summer after my junior year in high school, I worked at a

Catholic hospital in Oklahoma City where my dad was an administrator.

Each day I gladly performed the duty of sweeping and cleaning up a prayer

garden outside the entrance of the hospital. The garden was below the level

of the grounds and secluded. A life-size statue of Jesus oversaw the statue. I

remember meditating on the presence of Jesus during my few minutes spent

in the garden. Several times I placed my hand on the statue of Jesus’ hand

as if he might come alive or bless me through this touch of faith or curiosity.

God seems to have used this process of what Nouwen might describe as

visio divina or “sacred looking” with the statue to confirm his loving presence

with me.

As graduation from high school approached, I began to pray earnestly

for God to grant me a soccer scholarship to a college on the east or west

coast. God fulfilled this request in the most unexpected ways. For his good

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purpose, I believe that God tricked me into accepting a scholarship at The

Citadel, The Military College of South Carolina. Located in Charleston, SC,

the all-male military school is a school I still can’t believe I agreed to attend.

The choice can only be explained by God’s providence and my ignorance of

the reality of the school. God gave me only the information that would

entice me to go and withheld the balance. I’m convinced to this day that the

Trinity and my angel had a good laugh about doing this for my own good.

The Citadel is where my spiritual formation was forged upon the earlier

foundation of Roman Catholicism. Looking back at my time at The Citadel, I

see God leading me through a sort of Hours of the Daily Office, as Leighton

Ford describes them in The Attentive Life. In the crucible of The Citadel I was

inspired to become attentive. From the first month to the last week of

graduation, I attended a weekly prayer meeting with other cadets. The first

year, I participated in a weekly discipleship gatherings of The Navigators led

by a local minister named Larry Sherbondy. During my first year at the

school, I learned to pray with others and to read Scripture and have a daily

quiet time with God. It was amazing to me that I could have a personal

relationship with the Lord and have a real knowledge of Scripture. I attended

Catholic mass on campus and was growing through the influence of these

other spiritual practices. I participated in two Navigator retreats during the

year that contributed to a growing faith in the Lord.

From my sophomore year through graduation, I attended a weekly

discipleship group led by a fiery A.M.E. preacher named the Rev. Harry

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Burns. Rev. Burns introduced me to many elements of the Christian faith

and demonstrated an intense passion for the Lord, his word and discipleship.

During my junior year, two professors Dr. Clark Bowman and Captain

Harrison, USN Ret., started a campus version of the Full Gospel

Businessmen’s Fellowship International (FGBMFI). This is a full-gospel

organization that gathers to hear testimonies and to pray for one another.

At one of my first meetings on campus, students were invited to come

forward and “receive the power of God.” I remember responding by thinking

“Who wouldn’t want to receive the power of God?” Several cadets came

forward to receive prayer. The leaders prayed for us and laid their hands

upon us. They led us in a prayer asking for the baptism of the Holy Spirit,

and they encouraged us to begin imitating them as they prayed in tongues

over us. I had no awareness or knowledge of praying in tongues. Although

this was out of my comfort zone, like a good cadet I did what I was told and

soon was praying in tongues on my own.

Even today, this event assures me that we are not restricted by our

personality types or denominational upbringing. If we are willing, we can

cross into other Traditions’ streams of ministry and worship. Both of the

above weekly gatherings would not have occurred apart from the sacrificial

ministry and gifts of men committed to mentoring students.

In spring of my junior year, I met my future wife Missy. She had little

experience in the Christian faith and was eager to learn. Her family had only

recently began attending an Episcopal Church. She began accompanying

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me to both the AME and FGBMFI groups on campus. After my experience

with praying in tongues, I prayed for her in the car in front of her dorm at the

College of Charleston, and she received the gift of praying in tongues. God

moved mightily in my car as I imitated what I had seen and heard in the

previous weeks. The Spirit was gracious in his working and honored our

simple faith and sincere prayers.

I almost immediately took up the habit of praying in tongues whenever

I was walking around The Citadel campus. The gift has been a great

resource of edification for me. Another habit or rule that I developed

occurred early in my college career. Soon after entering The Citadel, I began

the habit of going into Summerall Chapel on campus at least once a day and

praying quietly or just sitting in the sacred space with God. In the silent

refuge of the chapel, I experienced God’s peaceful presence during my four

years as a cadet. It was there that God especially surprised me one day.

During the spring of my senior year, I was feeling burdened and stressed. I

prayed in the chapel for a while, and as I turned to leave I walked down the

side aisle. I looked up, and it seemed as though all of the sunlight shining

from outside was focused through one small panel of a stained glass window.

That small panel had one word: “Hope.” “Hope” literally glowed that day.

When I returned to my room, God led me to a Scripture I had recently

read, “We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering

produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

(Romans 5:3-4) There was hope. I knew that through the sunlight in the

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window and through the Scriptures, God had really spoken to me and

answered my prayers, because “hope does not disappoint.” (Romans 5:5)

The summer following my junior year, I worked at a Christian sports

camp called Kamp Kanakuk near Branson, MO. At this camp, I learned to

disciple youths and be a spiritual leader for them. The following summer I

participated in a sports mission trip through Europe. Through prayer and by

God’s grace and the help of mentors, I raised $3500 for the trip. Receiving

this money from folks I didn’t know showed me how God answers prayers

through the generosity of his people for the sake of his mission. This was the

first experience of sharing my faith with strangers and participating in

ministry with others.

My Citadel experience inspired several spiritual disciplines that I

continue to practice and promote to this day. Each practice’s impact is

described below:

1. Participate in a prayer group. Since my freshman year at The

Citadel, I have rarely been without a weekly prayer group. God has

blessed me with faithful friends in several settings that have prayed

for me, encouraged me and held me accountable in my walk with

Jesus. I have been blessed to be in prayer groups with all sorts of

people and to eagerly pray with anyone who is willing to pray with

me. Participation in prayer groups leads to a constant awareness of

God answering prayers.

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2. Quiet Time with God and his Word. Through the influence of The

Navigators, I learned the value and necessity of daily time of

Scripture and prayer. The rhythm, times and content of my quiet

times has varied over the years, but the practice has always fueled

my faith and kept me in tune with the Lord.

3. Silence in God’s presence. The time I spent in the quietness of the

Citadel chapel taught me how much God speaks and ministers in

our silence with him. Whether silence has occurred in a chapel, a

basement, a park, soccer field or the beach, it has been a much

longed for element of my faith.

4. Prayer walking. Since I began walking and praying around The

Citadel’s campus, prayer walking has been a spiritual discipline and

stress management practice for me. Sometimes during the winter

months when the weather prohibits walking and praying, I find

myself out of sorts. I love to experience God’s presence along

walks in nature with our golden retriever. Several times I have read

through the bible and written meaningful Scriptures on note cards

that I take with me on walks to inspire my prayers.

5. Pursuing ministry and exercising spiritual gifts. The ministry of the

summer camp and summer mission trip along with my participation

with others in discipleship groups were instructive in terms of

serving others. I found that God not only wanted to work in me but

also through me to others.

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After graduating from college, I married Missy and worked for a home

for abused children. I began graduate school pursuing a degree in

counseling. During this time, I began working on a project to write a book

based on the themes of Scripture. I imagined this book could be a basis for

the counseling I expected to do. Over the course of five years, I read the

Bible several times and studied and meditated on Scriptures related to

thematic categories relevant to counseling. I ended up self-publishing the

book, but the main fruit of the book was in my own spiritual life. The process

of writing the book led me to a more intimate relationship with the Lord

through involvement in his word and through prayer. This project also

shaped in me a habit of studying Scripture and seeking the Lord in a

somewhat methodical way. I had an almost constant pull to enter into

solitude with the Lord. I still experience this pull to withdraw from

stimulation of the world and the flesh and seek the presence of the Lord and

his expression through some means of grace.

My career since college has taken some twists and turns. I have

worked in the counseling field, various sales and marketing jobs, public

relations and managing a small business. While in college, I imagined

entering ministry in a full-time capacity; however, I was either led astray by

worldly pursuits or ran into closed doors in ministry. The world was

constantly knocking on my door to lure me away from the plans and gifts of

God. Sometimes it felt like I was leading parallel lives: my spiritual pursuits

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and my job. I recognize today the error and danger of this type of dichotomy

between spiritual and secular. The only solution for it has been a dying to

the world and to myself. My journey of Christian maturity has not been an

upward spiral toward holiness but a pattern of two steps forward and one

step backwards.

After we were married, Missy and I were led to an inter-denominational

church that would soon after become part of the Church of God (Cleveland,

TN). We were active and leaders in this church for ten years. Being leaders

in a small family of faith helped us become active in ministering to others.

The church was Pentecostal in style and held a high view of Scripture, prayer

and evangelism. The pastor of the church was a good mentor and worked to

raise me up to pursue being a pastor in the Church of God. I completed a

yearlong Ministerial Internship Program in the Church of God; however, I

became convinced that the Church of God was not to be my home for

ministry.

We were led to a nearby Episcopal church where we immediately felt

at home spiritually and relationally. St. James Episcopal Church in

Charleston, SC was minutes from our home. I was pleasantly surprised to

discover a liturgical church that had several elements I loved from the

Catholic Church. The two priests who led the church were Spirit-filled and

had developed a charismatic ministry at the church. I experienced what I

considered the balance of the best of the Catholic and Pentecostal traditions.

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I became active at St. James and was commissioned as a Lay Minister.

At that time, I surrendered my hopes of entering full-time ministry and

resolved to serve in the church as a layperson. I went to work with my step-

dad with plans to run and then buy his small business. At this time, my

priest and two other priests I knew in the area all approached me separately

and suggested I enter discernment for seminary and the priesthood. I was

amazed at how God worked this out and agreed to enter the process of

discernment.

Through the course of a year, God confirmed his call for us to leave

Charleston, our very good jobs, our home and comfort and pursue seminary

in Ambridge, PA. With a five year old daughter and a brand new son, we

moved and spent 2 ½ years in Ambridge while I completed an M.Div. degree

at Trinity School for Ministry.

Prior to entering seminary, I thought I knew the Bible and had a good

idea about worship and ministry. Seminary was a humbling and enlightening

experience. During the time in seminary, God instructed me, worked in me

and empowered me. Perhaps the most important learning that occurred in

seminary was realizing how much I don’t know and how dependent I am

upon God and the body of Christ for help in ministry.

Christian community and the value of the Body of Christ had been

undervalued by me. Sadly, it barely got a mention in my book on the

themes of the Bible. Our time at seminary, emphasized the value of

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Christian community. God also showed me how the Christian community

must intentionally intermix with those outside the church.

My time at seminary contributed to the depth and breadth of my

spiritual growth. From the classroom to the sanctuary, I increased my

knowledge of the faith and experienced a closer intimacy with Jesus. I

developed more appreciation for the means of grace like the sacraments and

liturgy. The study of church history and theology added substance to my

faith. At our seminary, we were blessed by close relationships with students

from Africa and South America. I learned to see myself as part of the global

body of Christ and to take responsibility for my brothers and sisters in Christ

around the world.

While at seminary, my wife and I were surprisingly led to a small,

Anglo-Catholic Anglican church, Grace Church, that boasted of a small, close-

knit parish family. The priest at the church was the Rev. John Porter. He is a

man after God’s heart who practices the disciplines of high church liturgy

and personal devotion. He graciously served as my mentor during seminary

and also as an exemplar of the priestly ministry and calling. I remain

thankful for his presence in my training. During my first years in the

priesthood, I would often consider the teachings and models of Fr. John

Porter and two of my seminary professors, the Rev. Dr. Leander Harding and

the Rev. Dr. Rod Whitacre, who also served at Grace Church.

Following God’s calling to become Rector of a small Anglican parish in

Camden, NC has led to a host of adventures and challenges in my spiritual

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life. Being a pastor seems to be a vocation in which a person can never

become competent; rather, one can only become more trusting that God will

fill the faith gap between what needs to be done and what one can do. I

have faced unexpected, even shocking trials as pastor and priest. I am

thankful that these have coincided with wonderful manifestations of the

Lord’s loving and gracious presence.

Prior to completing seminary, I reviewed a book by the Rev. Dr. Samuel

Wells, an Anglican priest, on Christian ethics called Improvisation. Wells

makes the case that the Christian life does not follow a script with defined

acts, scenes or lines as if it were a play or movie. The Christian life is more

like improv theatre. Wells asserts that improv theatre actually requires

expertise in all of the basics of acting and theatre. It is only the seasoned

and trained actor that can pull off the successful improvisational acts

spontaneously.

The Lord has shown me that the foundations of my faith and the

spiritual disciplines of prayer, Scripture, community, worship, solitude and

silence provide the springboard from which to move improvisationally in

ministry. I have learned to be content with the “fear and trembling of Paul”

and to depend on the Holy Spirit to manifest and demonstrate his presence.

This approach contrasts the image of pastor as expert, CEO or self-help

guide for all things. With the authority of the priesthood and the position of

pastor, dependency on the Holy Spirit is more vital than ever for me.

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Ministry has been a constant journey of learning my calling, vocation

and spiritual giftedness. I have also learned to discern the same for the

church I pastor that is right across the street from another church and down

the street from yet another, etc., etc. This has led to an appreciation for the

body of Christ with me, around me and across the world from me. I consider

our church to be a “Spirit-filled liturgical church that worships in the Anglican

tradition.” Our church is located in the area of Elizabeth City, NC that is

called the “Harbor of Hospitality.” Early in my ministry as pastor, God put in

my mind for our church to be a “Spiritual Harbor of Hospitality.” Later God

inspired me to add “and a place of healing for all who come.”

These two descriptors also indicate areas of growth in my own life and

ministry. In addition to devotion to worship, mission, discipleship and

fellowship in my life and the church, I focus on Christian hospitality and

healing. These ministries have led me closer to the Lord and to be more

intentional about reaching out to the church, community and world with his

love.

I have been blessed to experience several healing and deliverance

ministries during my Christian walk. The most recent of these occurred

when I was included with a group of Anglican priests attending an Intensive

Prayer Ministry at Christian Healing Ministries (CHM) with Francis and Judith

MacNutt. This experience of receiving healing prayer and spending time at

CHM confirmed to me the vision to emphasize the ministry of healing and

deliverance more at Church of the Redeemer. My own experiences with

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receiving prayer and praying for others has led me to commit to praying for

people anywhere and everywhere. This involves taking our ministry of

hospitality and healing into the community and marketplace.

Even as God calls me to reach out to pray for people, he continues to

draw me more and more into the contemplative prayers of solitude and

silence. He draws me into times of listening and resting in his presence.

Conversely, he leads me through open doors to minister outside the walls of

the church. In addition to ministering at the church this week, I will minister

at a Teen Challenge program, Pregnancy Resource Center, Christian school,

public elementary school, public high school, Relay for Life banquet, home

for mentally disabled adults, parishioner’s home, coffee shop and restaurant.

I will have a few sessions of pastoral counseling that entail prayers for

healing and deliverance. And then there is coaching my son’s soccer team

that is a whole other story. I simply do not have the personality or

competency to function in these various arenas fruitfully on my own. I have

learned that as long as God is with me in solitude and in crowds, I can be his

vessel for the expression of his kingdom and salvation.

During the last six plus years of ministry, I have learned to become

increasingly involved in prayers of spiritual warfare. The everyday

involvement in the battle between the kingdom of God and the kingdom of

darkness was undoubtedly the neglected topic of my seminary experience.

As an active member in the Church of God, I became aware of spiritual

warfare. In fact, the only written prayer that I prayed during my ten years in

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the Church of God was a Spiritual Warfare Prayer that my pastor had given

me. Upon graduation from seminary, I would have described myself as being

adept at spiritual warfare and ready to go be a priest and pastor.

I was surprised at the intensity and the infiltration of the enemy’s

activity against me, my family and ministry. The enemy has blindsided me

more than once. I must also add that I believe my role as Chaplain to our

local Pregnancy Resource Center has placed me at the forefront of the

spiritual battle for life. As involved as I become in spiritual warfare, I know

that the battle belongs to the Lord who is the creator of all things and reigns

over all things. In all such ministries, I know that it is not by my strength or

competency but by the “Spirit of the Lord” and his heavenly host of angelic

warriors. By God’s grace, I regain my footing and advance stronger and

more equipped against the enemy again and again.

Mentors have helped me throughout my priesthood and especially in

the areas of the healing and deliverance ministry. My bishop, the Rt. Rev.

John Guernsey, a nearby seasoned priest, the Rev. Marty O’Rourke and a

priest in the healing and deliverance ministry, the Rev. Nigel Mumford have

all contributed to my growing fruitfulness in ministry. I am incredibly blessed

by the faithful fellowship of the saints, including most of all my family: my

wife Missy and children Madeline and Jack. Our church family has developed

strong bonds through trials and celebrations. Today, a typical Thursday,

included participating in two prayer services with two groups of church

members and having lunch with a couple that has begun frequenting our

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church. In both of these prayer groups, my family and I were lifted in prayer

to God.

The key to my spiritual growth, as much as anything, has been the

grace and mercy of family and friends who forgive and encourage through

my failures and shortcomings. Perhaps the most profound lesson of my

spiritual walk has been learning the essence of Holy Communion. This is the

reality that my personal faith occurs in and through the community of the

body of Christ in communication and fellowship with the Father through the

Son and by the Holy Spirit.

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St. John the Baptist Catholic Church, Edmond, OK

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Stained glass window from Summerall Chapel, The Citadel, Charleston, SC

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Bibliography

Ford, Leighton. The Attentive Life: Discerning God’s Presence In All Things. IVP Books,2008. Kindle Edition.

Foster, Richard. Streams of Living Water: Celebrating the Great Traditions of ChristianFaith. San Francisco, CA: Harper Collins Publishing, 2001. Kindle Edition.

Johnson, Reginald. Your Personality and the Spiritual Life. Gainesville, FL: CAPT,1999. Kindle Edition.

Mulholland, M. Robert, Jr. Invitation To A Journey: A Road Map for Spiritual Formation.IVP Books 2009. Kindle Edition.

Nouwen, Henri. Spiritual Formation: Following the Movements of the Spirit. HarperCollinse-books, 2010. Kindle Edition.

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web viewwells makes the case that the christian life does not follow a script with defined acts,...

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