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Create Family Memories

in Hospice

An Activity Book to Encourage Storytelling and Special Activities

with Loved Ones in Hospice Care

by

Jody Ann Tucker

Access Music Therapy, llc2645 Midway RoadDuluth, MN 55810

Copyright 2014, Access Music Therapy, llcAll rights reserved. No part of this book can be reproduced in any form without written consent of the author.

Please visit our website at www.accessmusictherapy.comWritten by: Jody Ann TuckerFor families with a loved one in hospice care.

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Table of Contents

........................................................................................Tell Your Story 4

.......................................................................................Writing Letters 5

....................................................................Tell Your Story Instructions 6

....................................................Great Questions to Start Storytelling 7

.............................................Activity Keepsakes for Lasting Memories 10

...................................................................................Simple Pleasures 11

.................................................................................Leave a Handprint 12

.................................................................................Hand Print Plaque 13

.........................................................................Thumb Print Necklaces 14

............................................................................Conversation Starters 15

...........................................................................................Take Photos 16

....................................................................................Movies Together 16

.....................................................................................Songs & Music 16

.............................................................................Scripture & Readings 17

........................................................................Laugh, Tell Some Jokes 18

................................................................................Books for Children 21

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Te! Your StoryYour stories are precious, and family members will cherish a written memoir or an audio recording of your life stories. A memoir is just one story from your life, or a countless collection of memories. Maybe you have one pivotal event that stands out that you would like to share, or maybe you have many stories of your life you would like to record. What kind of legacy would you like to leave?

In this part of the book, you will find questions to help prompt your stories. I encourage you to record your stories by writing them or recording them through audio format by using a recorder from a cell phone or video recorder. This is a great way to save them for years to come. Your stories will become treasured heirlooms!

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Wr"ng Le#ersThink about writing a goodbye letter for people in your life.

• Spouse• Children• Family• Friends• People with whom you struggled• Other

Subjects to wr$e about

• First day of school• Children’s wedding day• Graduation• Birth of first child• Anniversary• Birthday• Any significant event• Saying Goodbye, I’m sorry, Forgive Me, I Love You

Consider when you would like the person to receive the letter/recording/video?

Options: before death, before funeral, at funeral, at graveside, etc.

For letters, use nice paper and envelopes. If you would like to audio record your letter, I suggest using an audio recorder from a cell phone or use some other type of recording device. If you would like to video your message, use your video camera on your phone.

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Te! a Story Instruc%onsYour stories are precious, and family members will cherish a writtenmemoir or an audio recording of your life stories. A memoir is just onestory from your life, or a countless collection of memories. Maybe youhave one pivotal event that stands out that you would like to share, or maybe you have many stories of your life you would like to record. What kind of legacy would you like to leave?

Ways to Preserve Your Legacy• Written• Audio recordings

Create for yourself, a special notebook. In this book there are questions to help prompt your stories. I encourage you to use a recorder of any type to record your stories for your family members to keep forever.

Recording Your Stories Using a Digital Recorder

1. Select an interview partner. As the interviewer, let the person know you would be honored to record his/her stories.2. Create a list of 5-10 questions. Attached are some great questions to start the storytelling.3. Decide if you want your stories to be written or audio recorded.4. Choose a quiet place. Turn off the TV or radio. Close the door.Make the space peaceful and calm by turning down the lights low.5. During the audio recording, try not to fidget or touch your recording device as will probably pick up those sounds.6. Begin the interview by having the patient state his/her name, age,date and location of the interview.7. Place both of you within a distance of three feet from the recorder to be sure your voice is recorded adequately. Speak as clear as possible.

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Great Ques%ons to Start Storyte!ingResource from: http://www.storycorps.org/great-questions/

Questions for Anyone What was the happiest moment of your life? The saddest? Who has been the biggest influence on your life? What lessons did

they teach you? What is your earliest memory? Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to pass along to me? What are you most proud of in your life? How would you like to be remembered? Do you have any regrets? What activities such as music, art, reading, massage, touch provide

peace and comfort to you? What spiritual or religious practices bring you comfort? Are there particular things that you feel still need to be said to your

loved ones or things that you would want to take the time to say once again?

What have you learned in life that you would want to pass along to others?

What are the most important roles you have played in life (roles within family, vocational, community-service, etc)?

Are there words or perhaps even instructions that you would like to offer your family to help prepare them for the future?

Questions for ParentsHow did you choose my name?What was I like as a baby? As a young child?Do you remember the songs you used to sing to me? Can you sing them now?What are your dreams for me?How did you meet mom/dad?What were the hardest moments you had when I was growing up?

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Questions for GrandparentsWhere were you born?What was your childhood like?Where did you go to school?Did you ever attend a one-room school house?Whom did you most admire when you were young?When did your family first acquire its first car?Were you ever away from home as a child?What do you have to say about all the changes that have taken place within your lifetime?

Questions for FriendsWhat is your first memory of me?What makes us such good friends?Is there anything you’ve always wanted to tell me but haven’t?

Questions about Growing UpWhen and where were you born?Who were your parents? What were they like?Did you have a nickname? How did you get it?Can you tell me any favorite stories/memories from your

childhood?

Questions about Love & RelationshipsWhen did you first fall in love?What lessons have you learned from your relationships?

Questions about Marriage & PartnershipsHow did you meet your husband/wife/partner?How did you know he/she was “the one”?What were the best times? The most difficult times?What advice do you have for young couples?

Questions about WorkingWhat do/did you do for a living?Tell me about how you got into your line of work.Do you have any favorite stories from your work life?

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Questions about Military ServiceWere you in the military? Were you drafted or did enlist?Why did you pick the service branch you joined?Do you recall your first day of service?Which war(s) did you serve in?Where exactly did you go?Did you see combat?Talk about a couple of your most memorable experiences?Were you awarded any medals or citations?In the service, how did you stay in touch with your family?What was the food like?Were there entertainers?Did you and others pull pranks, and if so, describe some?What did you think of officers or fellow soldiers?Did you keep a personal diary? Do you have photographs?After the service, do you recall the day your service ended? How did you feel?What did you do the days and weeks that followed?Did you make any close friendships while in the service?Did you join a veteran’s organization?Later, what did you do as a career after your service?Did you military experiences influence your thinking about war or about the military in general?If you’re in a veteran’s organization, what kind of activities does your post or association have?Is there anything you would like to add that we did not cover?

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Ac%v$y Keepsakes for

Las%ng Memories

In this part of the book, you will find activities that will build lasting memories. Memories are a powerful thing. Spend time in these following activities, take photos of the experiences,

cherish your time together.

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Simple PleasuresProviding comfort to help minimize bodily discomfort can be a gift to your loved one. Here are some suggestions I encourage you to feel free to offer to your loved one:

• Quiet music

• Gentle massage

• Hair brushing

• Paint nails

• Lotion skin

• Moisten lips

• Use wash cloths to soothe forehead

• Spa baths are available to patients

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Leave a Hand PrintCreate a keepsake for family and friends to have a memory of the patient’s handprint. Involve family members by coupling their handprints with your loved one’s.

How to Make Hand Prints

1. Children must be supervised by an adult.

2. Use the washable ink blotters

provided.

3. Place the card stock paper

provided a hard surface.

4. Thoroughly coat palm of hand with

ink

5. Firmly press palm of hand onto

paper, making sure to press down

each finger evenly.

6. Air dry.

7. Wash hands.

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Hand Print Plaque

Purchase a kit from Michael’s Store to create a 3-dimensional handprint keepsake of your loved one’s hand. Or, use the recipe below to create your own salt dough.

Salt dough recipe:1 cup salt1 cup plain flourHalf a cup of warm water

Mix together into a large bowl and knead it until smooth and stretchy. This last part is important otherwise the dough remains sticky and quite granular from the salt. If it is still too sticky add a bit more flour, if too dry and crumbly then add a tiny touch more water. A little bit of trial and error is all that is needed and it really is so easy!Once the dough is kneaded, divided it into equal parts and use a shallow bowl that was big enough to accommodate the size of an adult’s hand. Then, squish one part into the bowl and flattened it around to the edges.Tease away the edges and flip it out onto a plate. The underside should have a smooth finish.Lastly, place on a baking parchment or greaseproof paper so it doesn’t stick. The plaque goes into the oven for 3 hours at around 200 degrees F. It needs to be on a very low heat for a length of time to thoroughly dry out and harden. If the oven is too hot they will rise and “cook”. The thinner the dough and the lower the temperature, the better these will turn out! If they are still doughy in the centre after 3 hours then turn them over and put them back in for another 2 hours.The next day, the plaque can be painted with acrylic paint.

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Thumb Print NecklacesPurchase Model Magic Air-Dry or Sculptey (oven-bake clay) (both available at Michael’s Store) to create a hand print plaque or a thumbprint necklace.

1. To get started, break off a small amount of clay and roll it into a tiny ball.

2. Make sure each ball is smooth and doesn’t have any cracks in it. Next, press your loved one’s fingerprint into the clay ball. The ball will flatten as you press his/her finger into the clay. And, the fingerprint should appear.

3. Once each charm has a print, use a paper clip or needle to poke a hole at the top of the charm for the string.

4. Place the charms on a cookie sheet and bake them at 275 degrees F for 15 minutes. Be sure to check the packaging for any baking variations.

5. Once, the thumbprints have cooled, they can have a thin coat of metallic spray paint on both sides.

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Conversa%on StartersWe all reminisce and tell stories of our loved ones at funeralsand memorial services. These services pay tribute to them and celebrate their lives. Why do we wait? Relatives and friends can begin that process way before the funeral service. Talk at the bedside of your loved one, formal or informal.

Talk About . . .Memories

LoveForgiveness

What you’re feelingHeaven

Who’s ThereWhat You Cherish About Me

Scripture & O&er 'ems to ReadPsalmsGospels

Favorite booksPoems, other

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Take PhotosWe encourage you to take photos with your loved ones. Photo memories are wonderful keepsakes. Please feel free to use your own cameras, and make some lasting memories.

Movies Toge&erWatch a movie together. Bring in your favorite movie to share. If you are

at a facility, ask the front desk if they have a movie selection.

Songs & MusicMusic is a wonderful source of comfort, and is great for creating special memories. If you have access to a music therapist in the facility, ask the staff if the music therapist can make a visit.

Suggestions to incorporate music

Bring your favorite music via CD’s or iPod with speaker.

★ Music of the following:★ Faith★ Childhood years of life★ Early years of life★ Current favorite music★ Music for relaxation★ Music to energize★ Music of ethnic heritage★ Music to enjoy!

★ Utilize any CD’s provided by the facility.

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Scripture Subjects• Prayer and meditation• Comfort• Forgiveness and love• Life• Heaven, God or the afterlife• Death• Favorites• Early years of faith or life• Praise and worship• Quotes from other sources• Thanks• Hopes for family and the world• Other

Prayer• For comfort• About death• About forgiveness or love• For your loved ones• About God’s sovereignty• Favorites

• If a family member or friend plays the guitar or another instrument, request him/her to play it for you. Encourage that you would love to hear him/her.

• Use your voices: Sing using sing-a-long books. Ask the facility.• Request a music therapy visit. The music therapist can help in

writing a song to helping to express your feelings, hopes, or wisdom.• Accept a volunteer musician visit when offered.

Scripture & ReadingsReading scripture or prayer can be used in the moment or to plan ahead for a bedside vigil, for the wake, for the service, for the graveside or other times. If you are connected with a hospice spiritual care coordinator, he/she can assist you in finding specific readings.

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Laugh . . Tell Some JokesLaughter is ageless. It can be the best medicine right when we need it. Tell your loved one a joke or two or three.

Q: What has two hands, a round face, always runs,but stays in place?A: A clock!

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?A: A bull-dozer.

Q: Why are teddy bears never hungry?A: They are always stuffed!

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What do you call a bear with no ears?A: B!

Q: Where do polar bears vote?A: The North Poll

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Q: Knock, knock----Who's There?----lettuce----lettucewho?A: Lettuce in and you'll find out!

Q: What did the ground say to the earthquake?A: You crack me up!

Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?A: So, what's your point!

Q: What did you learn in school today?A: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

Q: Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?A: It always went back four seconds.

Q: Why can't Cinderella play soccer?A: Because she's always running away from the ball.

Q: What do you call a pig who plays basketball?A: A ball hog!

Q: What animal is best at hitting a baseball?A: A bat!

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Q: What type of music are balloons scared of?A: Pop music!

Q: Why did the girl sit on the ladder to sing?A: She wanted to reach the high notes!

Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?A: Nacho cheese!

Q: Why shouldn't you tell an egg a joke?A: Because it might crack up!

Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?A: Because it wasn't peeling well!

Q: What are twins favorite fruit?A: Pears!

Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream?A: Sunday School.

Q: What did the spider do on the computer?A: Made a website!

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Books for Children

Some of these resources for children are available online.

Buscaglia, Leo. The Fall of Freddie the Leaf. Thorofare, NJ: Charles B. Slack, 1982. As Freddie experiences the changing seasons along with his companion leaves, he learns about the delicate balance between life and death.

Hanson, Warren. The Next Place. Waldman House Press, 2003. An inspirational journey of light and hope to a place where earthly hurts are left behind.

Raschka, Chris. The Purple Balloon. Schwartz & Wade Books, 2007.Explains that dying is hard work, for the old and especially for the young. It’s good to have many people help when someone is dying, from medical staff to family and friends to clergy.

Thompson, Christine, L. Scarlet Says Goodbye. United Healthcare Services, Inc., 2012. A heart-felt book for children who has a loved one dying in hospice care. There is a story and activities to do with family to help remember the person who is dying.

Zalben, Jane Breskin. Pearl’s Marigolds for Grandpa. Simon & Schuster, 1997. A young girl copes with the death of her grandfather by remembering all the things she loved about him. Includes information about funeral customs of various religions.

Zolotow, Charlotte. When the Wind Stops. HarperCollins, 1990. A mother explains to her son that in nature an end is also a beginning as day gives way to night, winter ends and spring begins, and, after it stops falling, rain makes clouds for other storms.

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Jody Ann Tucker

Jody Ann Tucker, MA, MT-BC, NMT is a Board Certified Music Therapist, Owner of Access Music Therapy, llc, and Creator of the

Guitten, a guitar head cover (patent pending). Jody spent ten years working in the hospice field as a Music Therapist in the Duluth, MN area. She provides music therapy services to children and adults with special needs through her business, Access Music Therapy, llc. She received her Bachelors of Science in Music Therapy Degree from Augsburg College, Minneapolis, MN, and Master of Arts in Music Therapy Degree from Saint Mary-of-the-Woods College, in Saint Mary-of-the-Woods, Indiana. Jody lives in Duluth, MN with her husband, Joe, and is mother of two lovely young women, and step-mother of two cute little girls.

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Music Therapy Resources

To learn more about music therapy, visit the following websites:

www.accessmusictherapy.comwww.musictherapy.orgwww.musictherapymn.comwww.musictherapywisconsin.orgwww.cmbt.org

Great Questions to Start StorytellingStoryCorps. Celebrating 10 years of listening to Americahttp://www.storycorps.org/great-questions/

Copyright 2014, Access Music Therapy, llcAll materials contained in this eBook are protected by United States copyright law. All rights are reserved. It cannot be posted on any website, electronic bulletin board, or social media site. It may only be obtained through Access Music Therapy, llc.

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