Creating a Healthy Marriage

Presented by Military & Family Life Counselors

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Objectives

» Discuss the myths of marriage

» Examine the stages of marriage

» Understand the behaviors that lead to and intensify marital conflict

» Learn the keys to creating and maintaining a healthy marriage

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Marriage Myths

What are some common myths about marriage?

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Marriage Myths

A Great Relationship:» Depends on a great meeting of the minds» Requires a great romance» Requires great problem solving» Requires common interests» Is always a peaceful one» Lets you vent all of your feelings» Has nothing to do with sex» Cannot survive a flawed partner» Requires you to do things the “right way”» Requires you to straighten your partner out

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Stages of Marriage

» Romantic Love» Disillusionment/the Power Struggle» Cooperation» Acceptance» Transformation

Reference: Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks

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Behaviors That Intensify Conflict

» What are some of the behaviors we engage in that cause or intensify conflict in our marriages?

» What are some of the behaviors we engage in that can help reduce conflict?

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Behaviors That Intensify Conflict

» Criticism» Contempt» Defensiveness» Stonewalling» Flooding

Reference: Gottman & Silver, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work

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Dealing with Differences & Conflict

» Set boundaries

» Clearly communicate your needs

» Learn the art of negotiation

» Identify and own your feelings

» Check out your assumptions

» Consider your spouse’s point of view

» Create win-win solutions

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Principles for Creating a Healthy Marriage

» Have a solid friendship

» Know your spouse

» Strive for emotional intimacy

» Make time to be together

» Let your partner influence you

» Solve the solvable issues

» Create shared meaning

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Tools for Maintaining Healthy Relationships

» Active listening

» Nonverbal communication

» Own your messages

» Keep anger contained

» Remember to have fun

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Love…

… is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

- H.L. Menicken

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Questions

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Resources

» Military Community Services

» Chaplain and Local Clergy

» Military OneSource (800) 342-9647

» TRICARE www.tricare.osd.mil

» Behavioral Health Services

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References

Internet– www.familydigest.com– www.relationshipjourney.com– www.drphil.com

Books– Barnett, Doyle. 20 Communication Tips for Couples: A 30-Minute

Guide to a Better Relationship. New World Library.– Gottman, John M & Silver, Nan. The Seven Principles for Making

Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.– Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want. Owl Books.– Stone, Douglas, Patton, Bruce, Heen, Sheila, & Fisher, Roger. Difficult

Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Penguin, USA.