Creating the Personal Statement

English IV

Definition

“The content of the Personal Statement should add clarity, richness and meaning to the information you present in other parts of your application, enabling the Office of Admissions to form the best impression of you.”

University of California at Santa Barbara

No really, what are they?• Essays written in response to a question or questions which ask for

some sort of sustained response.

• Some applications ask more specific questions than others. There is no set formula to follow in shaping your response, only choices for you to make, such as whether you should write an essay that is more autobiographically focused or one that is more professionally focused.

• From application to application, requested personal statements also vary widely in length, ranging from a couple of paragraphs to a series of essays of a page or so each.

Why should I care?

• Since personal statements will most often be read as part of your "package," they offer an opportunity to show aspects of yourself that will not be developed in other areas of your application. • It may be helpful to think of the statement as the single opportunity

in your package to allow the admissions committee to hear your voice. • Given that information, you will want your statement to readily

engage the readers, and to clearly demonstrate what makes you a unique candidate--apart from the rest of the stack.

What if I don’t want to go to college?

The kind of information you present in your personal statement – descriptions of who you are, where you come from and how you have triumphed over adversity – is exactly the kind of information you are likely to be asked in job interviews.

We’re so glad you overcame your addiction to serial killing!

What do admissions offices look for?

• Initiative, motivation, leadership, persistence, service to others, special potential, substantial experience with other cultures• Achievement in light of the opportunities available to you• Unusual circumstances or hardships you have faced, and the ways you

have overcome or responded to them, as well as what you learned from the experience.

Still confused?

• Your Personal Statement is the story you choose to tell about yourself.• How did you become who

you are today?• What’s important is not

what happened to you or what you accomplished, but what you learned from the experience.

It’s All About You Be sure the personal statement is ultimately about you. Writing about your parents, your hometown, or your passions is wonderful – but find a way to make the essay about you, not them. Remember, the essay is about “I,” not “you.”

I showed up with the intention of being snooty and angry all day, and left with a changed view on life. It really made me the person I am today. Without this great experience, I imagine myself being the same rebellious kid I was. It truly made me understand how cruel and harsh life can be for others, but how easy it was to make these people’s lives a lot better by spending time with them and cooking for them.

Your Dreams and Passions

If you describe something as your “dream” or your “passion,” you should follow that with a description of how you have already been working to turn your dream into reality. Already – not someday.

As a kid, I always wanted to be a skeleton figure for Halloween, but due to my parents’ religion, that was considered “demonic.” So I made a deal with my dad that if I could learn every single bone in the body, he would have to let me wear it. Of course I learned all the bones and got to wear the costume, but I realized that I loved learning and writing about human anatomy.

Your Dreams and Passions

• In sixth grade is when I realized that art is something that was necessary to my survival. I would constantly wake up in the middle of the night to draw, and my notebooks for school had more drawings than notes. During P.E. classes, I was that strange girl who didn’t participate in dodge ball and secluded myself somewhere to draw.

• I was inspired to learn the (Korean) language, because I would always need to wait for subbed videos on YouTube. Since I had no one to teach me, I decided to search on the Internet and found the site “Talk to Me in Korean.” Ever since then, my Korean has improved so much.

Your FutureThis is particularly true of your career. Don’t just tack on “and I want to be a nurse/astronaut/cowboy” at the end of your essay. If this goal is important to you, tell the reader why – and again, what you are doing to achieve it. I remember the frequent gunshots at night outside our complex, the police raids with K-9 units through our backyard in search of hidden contraband, the sirens I would hear from a distance that would only get louder and louder until I could see the lights flashing through my blinds…These life experiences shaped me to want to improve other communities, to assist them any way I possibly could and to ensure the safety of other residents. I soon realized I wanted to serve and protect people as a police officer.

Introductions

Get to the point. You don’t have the space – and your reader doesn’t have the time – for cute or clever introductory statements that have nothing to do with the topic at hand.

I could instantly tell something wasn’t right. He was too suspicious and looked like he had nothing good to offer. He came in, dressed ruggedly, cowboy hat and sunglasses on. “I need you to do me a favor,” he instantly said, as he approached me at the counter. “Give me the money, or I’m gonna shoot you.

Introductions

• Another unique trait of my community is that so many people do good. That may sound broad, and it is, but it taught me that you can do good, but to stand out, you must do something extraordinary. I strive to achieve beyond good.

• In races I am all alone, except for the rhythmic pounding of my feet, my quick, wheezing breaths, sweat rolling down my face, the blistering sun, a blissful breeze and the occasional cheer from my teammates.

Introductions

Your first paragraph is a promise to the reader. Be sure you fulfill that promise. Write what you say you are going to write about.

The world I come from is a very extraordinary place. It’s full of violence and disasters, but also kindness and appreciation.

Be Active

Don’t be a passive observer in your own life. Tell the reader what you did, rather than what happened to you. • I learned that I did not really care what others thought of me while I

was on stage. I just fought through my fears and I am very proud of what I accomplished those nights. I realized that I do have the potential to do whatever I set my mind to.• I gained so many great experiences interacting with other people who

also shared the same love for French. I showed my passion, and was elected as president the next year.

Be Active• My junior and senior year I became the treasurer and vice president of

the Medical Club and a founding member of the Medical Academy…Creating an academy takes strong leadership, a clear mission, a safe and orderly climate and high expectations.

• My family kept telling me it was thanks to my soccer games and practices with my brother that had motivated him to play and chase his dreams. Because of my brother, I was able to meet one of my idols. And according to my brother, it was me playing soccer that had inspired him to play, and got him to where he was today.

Relate Activities to Academic Life

If the events you are describing took place on the athletic field, the stage or during some other extracurricular activity, be sure you tell the reader how the skills, teamwork, courage, etc. you learned as a result of this experience translate to other aspects of your life – including the academic.As a captain of the wrestling team, I have had an influence on my other teammates. I have taught them to work harder, be respectful, and be disciplined. One of those times was when one of my teammates was just barely on weight, and couldn’t eat anything for dinner when we had gone out to a restaurant. I was a few pounds under, and could have eaten a nice, hearty dinner, but I stuck to a salad. I was sitting with my teammate, and wanted to show I supported him in being disciplined.

Words Matter

• Be aware of your word count. Make every word count. That includes your title.• Remember: you are writing to a college admissions officer. Keep your

diction formal.• Don’t beg.• When talking about “success,” “dreams,” “goals,” “a good job” or “a

good life,” be as specific as possible. Don’t assume that your reader agrees with you or even that they know what you are talking about.

Words Matter

• Success to me means working so hard for something that, even if obstacles get in the way of you completing it, at the end, you still accomplish your goal or dream. A person who never gives up is a successful person, no matter what it is – being a president, or being a company owner, or working, doing whatever you want to do. • It’s often measured by dollars signs or fancy cars or big houses, but

true success should be measured by contentment and the ability to fall and get back up.

Turn Your Weaknesses Into StrengthsRather than saying “I don’t like school” or “I have no idea what I want to do with my life,” say “I have worked hard to earn good grades in classes I found challenging” or “Rocket science, neurosurgery, ancient Greek – there are so many subjects that interest me that it’s hard to choose just one.” This is a job for… you!