crucial conversations pg
TRANSCRIPT
Crucial Conversations Participant Guide
Welcome to this life-changing course! This course has the potential to
improve your life in many ways, by providing you with tools to handle
life’s most difficult conversations.
This course is based on the book: Crucial Conversations, Tools for Talking
When Stakes are High, written by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron
McMillian and Al Switzler.
Today will help you identify symptoms, and develop strategies to work
through challenges, enabling you to move from “crucial” to “dialogue”
when conversations matter most.
• Have you ever found yourself in deep weeds in a conversation?
• Feeling trapped, wanting to run for cover?
• Have you ever become overly aggressive with someone over
something they said?
• Have you ever yelled at someone, or been yelled at during a
conversation?
These are all symptoms of conversations that have become crucial.
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How do these circumstances make conversations more
challenging?
High Stakes:_____________________________________________________
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Opposing Opinions:____________________________________________
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Strong Emotions:_______________________________________________
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Crucial Conversations
Fight:ControllingLabelingA2acking
Flight:MaskingAvoidingWithdrawing
Sucker’s Choice
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Physiology:______________________________________________________
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Fight:_____________________________________________________________
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Flight:____________________________________________________________
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Crucial Conversation Model
Explain in your own words how the model works:
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Why is this such a game changer?
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Role Play #1
• You ask your roommate to move her things in the refrigerator off your
shelves, and onto hers.
• You thought it was no big deal, simply a request to share the space evenly,
and you went to all the trouble to label each shelf.
• You have no hidden agenda. You like this roommate a great deal.
• She comes back with: “There you go again, telling me how to run my life.”
• I can’t change the vacuum cleaner bag without you jumping in and giving
me advice.”
Master My Stories
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Why are motives so important?
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Are there any motives on the left you would like to
move to the right column? Why?___________________________
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10
WhatHappensasEmo?onsEscalate?
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WhatCanWeDo?
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Heart Problems
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Practice
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Workwithapartneronthisac?vitytoanswertheques?ons.
Whathappenedemo?onally?__________________________________
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HowmightCrucialConversa?onschangethisconversa?on?________
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Whatwerethemo?ves?______________________________________
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Howcouldrightmo?veschangetheresultsofthisconversa?on?____
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Role Play #2
• Member calls into Communications, says he wants to deposit
a large check, then use it to buy a car. He is told to make the
deposit, and a supervisor will release the money for him on
the next business day.
• Member makes a $37,000 deposit 2/19 (Friday).
• He needs the funds released 2/22 (Monday) for the purchase of
his car.
• He calls irate that we can’t release his funds.
• We ask for a copy of his check.
• He says he doesn’t have a copy– no one told him he needed it!
Use what you have learned so far to de-escalate this call.
Our Stories: Salomeh Diaz
• Ifit’s_______youcantalkabout____________with____________.
• Our_________createouremo?ons,andwe
createour__________.
• Wetakein80%ofour____________throughour
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• Weneedtoholdon________toour_________.
VictorFranco,inMan’sSearchforMeaning:
“Wheneverythingistakenfromusonethingremains–the
powertochooseone’sa?tudeinanygivencircumstance.”
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Contrasting Statements
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Use“Don’t”Statementstoexpresswhatyoudidnot______or________.
Use“Do”Statementstoconfirm________and_____________.
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Make the Conversation Safe: Apologize Use Contrast Create Mutual Purpose
Make it Safe
Role Play #3
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Respondtothefollowingstatementswithyourpartner:
• “Youcomeprancinginherelikeyouowntheplace.”
• “Nevermind;ifyouthinkthewhiteonelooksbe2er,Iguess
youknowwhat’sbest.”
• “You’renotgoingtoactuallysendthatle2erareyou?”
• (Lookingupsetanddiscouraged.)“Don’tworry.I’mjustfine.”
• “OnemorestuntlikethatandI’mgoingtotheboss.”
Role Play #3
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Respond to the following statements with your partner:
• “You come prancing in here like you own the place.”
• “Never mind; if you think the white one looks better, I
guess you know what’s best.”
• “You’re not going to actually send that letter are you?”
• (Looking upset and discouraged.) “Don’t worry. I’m
just fine.”
• “One more stunt like that and I’m going to the boss.”
Our Stories are the Master Key
• WhatisthecostifI________up?• WhatisthecostifI_____________up?• 90%ofUSworkerssaytheyareworkingonaprojectthatthey
knowwill_________.• 83%ofleaderssaytheyencounter__________________,
whileonly13%saytheycaneffecKvely________it.
• MutualRespectislike___________.Themomentitisgone,youcan’t____________anymore.
• MutualRespect:ifyoudon’thave__________,forsomeoneyouwillhaveto______some.Sothatwecanhavedialogue.
• MutualPurpose:howcanyou_________thatyoualso________aboutsomethingtheotherpersoncaresabout?
• MutualPurpose:howcanyou________commonground?
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Paths to Success
• LookforEarly_______Signs
• StepOutoftheContextofthe____________,
Re-Establish___________.
• ShowthatYou_________AboutTheirBest_________.
• ShowthatYou_________About_________.
• StepBackIntothe____________.
• AskYourself,“WhatDoIReally_________?”
• AskYourself,“IfThisisWhatIReally________,
isThisHowIWouldbe__________?”
• StepOutofContext,Re-Build_________,
thenReturnto_________.
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Conversation Practice
Work with your partner and plan a difficult
conversation using the attached Conversation
Planning document. Use the information you
have learned so far in your plan.
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Mission “Empower people to create quality conversations
& thereby improve the quality of their life.”
The concepts of Crucial Conversations fit into the culture at Firefighters First in 3 of our
Core Values. Write a few sentences below to describe this from your point of view. Competence DemonstrateKnowledge:WehavethedepthandbreadthofknowledgerequiredtoprovidesoluKonsthatwillimproveourmembers’financiallives.EnsureQuality:WepayaWenKontodetailanddeliveraccuracyinallourwork.GetResults:WeacceptresponsibilityforouracKonsandactwithasenseofurgency.
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Excellence LeadbyExample:WemanagebyfactandsethighexpectaKonsforourselvesandforthosewithwhomwework,includingourthird-partypartners.CareaboutMeans:WhiletheboWomlineisimportant,howwegettheremaWers.SeekImprovement:WesystemaKcallymakeimprovementsandconsistentlyraiseourperformancebar.
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Positivity HaveFun:Wevaluebringinglaughterandhumorintotheworkplace.RemoveBarriers:WemaintainaposiKveoutlookandfindcomposureandresiliencyinthefaceofadversity.AssumeBestInten?ons:WeworktocreateandsustainposiKverelaKonships.
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