cuff model 2

8/4/2019 CUFF Model 2

1/37

#1

In reading The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald the character which I chose

to analyze was Jay Gatsby, or should I say Jimmy Gatz. When composing my group

presentation we made a variety of different decisions themed around Gatsbys view of

success and progression of change throughout the novel. For example, we chose to pair

Gatsby with the color green because he believed that life was all about how much

money you had rather than the people you had in it. We also chose green because he

was envious of Tom and Daisys relationship, wishing he too could have had her in his

life. We chose the quotes to show how shady Gatsby was as a character and how

society viewed him as a mysterious and elite figure. Most importantly we chose our last

quote when Gatsbys father is speaking to Nick because it showed how much of a liar

Gatsby actually was. Throughout the entire novel Gatsby referred to himself as Jay

Gatsby, however it is revealed by his father that his actual name was Jimmy Gatz.

Lastly, we chose the song If I had a Million Dollars, by Bare Naked Ladies to represent

all the things that Gatsby would have done for Daisy if she gave him the opportunity.

Gatsbys journey and progression of change throughout the novel was highly

influenced by his desire for Daisy. In chapter 4 we learn that Gatsby moved to East Egg

to be directly across the bay from her, It was a strange coincidence, I said But it

wasnt a coincidence at all. Why not? Gatsby bought that house so that Daisy would

be just across the bay (p. ). After learning this information we know that Gatsbys

purpose in life is to win Daisy back. In the end of the novel after Gatsby has passed

away Nick tries to get Daisy to come and mourn the loss of her lover, I called up Daisy

Comment [1]: How does one cite titles of b

Comment [2]: I like how you introduce the in the first sentence, letting the reader know ex

what you are going to be talking about =) Also,

how you INtroduce us to what you are going to

talking about!

Comment [3R2]: I like how you not only pthis out but tell why its importanthelps the

student know what and why to do it again J

CLARITY

Comment [4]: What quotes led you to this

realization?

Comment [5R4]: A great probing questionpoints toward a strategy (rather than just a fix)

CHALLENGING

Comment [6]: Which ones were these?

Comment [7]: Where does a comma belongBefore or after quotation marks?

Comment [8R7]: To me, this seems like a l

comment to have to write for this kind of error.might you do this more efficiently and still help

students to learn why?

CONCISE/CLARITY

Comment [9]: I like how you introduce yougroups thought process when it came to decidi

how to portray Gatsby =) Now, how would you

all of this up into some kind of thesis?

Comment [10]: I like how you give the readtextual evidence to back up what you are sayin

Now, how does one formulate a correct quote?

Comment [11R10]: Great that youre buildon praise and using the Now strategy CARJ

Comment [12]: What is the correct punctua

to form a quote?


2/37

half an hour after we found him, called her instinctively and without hesitation. But she

and Tom had gone away early that afternoon, and taken baggage with them (p.). The

fact that Daisy never called, stopped by, or attending the burial service of Gatsby shows

that she has to leave her relationship and love for him in the past. Although I do believe

at one time Daisy did have passion for Gatsby, it was too much of a risk for her to relive

that love now. Therefore, Gatsby died because his view of success was not about

friendships, love, or family, he believed that money, power, and lust were the key to

happiness but in fact they were the recipe for failure.

Comment [13]: Page number?

Comment [14]: Check verb agreement


3/37

GatsbyFormal Journal Entry Rubric

Author _______________________ Responder___________________________

Criteria 4 Excellent! 3 Good! 2 - Fair 1 - Poor

Organization

There is a clearand logicalprogression of

ideas. All evidencebuilds on top of

each other andclearly supports

the thesis.

There is a logicalprogression of ideasthat is sometimes

clear. The evidence isrelated and supports

the thesis with someexceptions.

There may be aprogression ofideas, but it is

somewhat illogicaland murky. The

evidence is slightlyrelated to the

thesis, but does notrelate to itself.

There is no senseof anorganization or

logicalprogression of

ideas. Evidencedoes not relate to

the thesis.

Evidence

Thesis is worth

arguing and

debatable. There

are enough quality

quotes to support

the thesis, but nottoo many to lose

the students voice.

Thesis is debatable but

may not provide much

insight into the work.

There may be quality

quotes, but there are

either too few tosupport the thesis or

too many to allow the

student their own

voice.

Thesis is not

debatable. Some

quotes are

included, but they

are unrelated to the

thesis or do notsupport the

students

argument.

There is no

thesis. Quotes

may be absent or

incorrectly used.

Readability

Mechanics areappropriate to the

content area of thepaper, and any

mistakes do notcompromise the

papers coherency.

Mechanics may not be

immediatelyconnected to the

content of the paper.Mistakes may make

the paper harder toread, but not

impossible.

Mechanics are

incorrect for thecontent area, but

the paper is stillmostly coherent.

Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.

Mistakes makethe paper

unreadable.

Grade: B-

Comments: I really like how you end with a strong feeling of what you wanted the reader to

come away with. Now, try to incorporate more quotes into your journal entries that can back upwhat you are trying to get across to your audience =) Comment [15]: CONCISElike how this

proposes a focus on one important thing J


4/37

#2Group Explanation:

The Nick Carraway Group chose to use a PowerPoint presentation for their medium

rather than other options, because collectively we felt it was the easiest way to put our ideas

together in a cohesive, organized, and easy to understand way. It was very important to all of us

to have a clean look to our presentation, and also have it so everyone could easily follow along.

It was also easier for us as a group to work together using PowerPoint, because it was accessible

to us through our class wiki, while a poster or other medium would have made it more difficult

for everyone to have a part in thepreparation.

The image that the Nick Carraway Group chose was really interesting. We stumbled

upon it by Googling watching and an image of a man looking in binoculars turned up in the

search results. On the lens of the binoculars though, you could see a graph with a downward

trend, like you could see associated with the stock market. As soon as we saw this image we

were able to apply it to Nicks character. He was mostly an observer, and what he observed was

the downfall of those around him.

The color that we chose to represent Nicks character was gray. Gray is a color that we

felt represented Nicks observe qualities. Gray in itself is rather boring, but has the ability to

make other colors around it stand out. Similarly to how Nick makes Gatsby stand out as

someone who is interesting and mysterious. Additionally gray is a modest color. It doesnt

stand out similarly to how Nick doesnt speak out, or express much of his feelings to other

throughout the novella.

The song that we chose to represent Nick was Honestly, by Billy Joel. The quote the

novella that made us chose this song was when Nicksaid, I am one of the few honest people

that I have ever known. This idea of being the only honest person is the main reason for Joels

Comment [16]: I like how you tell your reayour groups thought process when it came to

deciding how to most effectively present your

information =)

Comment [17]: What part of this is your th

Comment [18]: I love this! What a great wa

distinguish such an ambiguous character =)

Comment [19R18]: Like that you respondperson, as well as a teacher CARINGJ

Comment [20]: Should these two sentences

combined?

Comment [21]: FORM

Comment [22]: Spelling

Comment [23]: Great way to introduce the

and let the audience know what you are going t

focus on =)

Comment [24]: How does one cite a quote?


5/37

song and can be clearly seen in this excerpt, [h]onesty is such a lonely word / Everyone is so

untrue / Honesty is hardly ever heard / And mostly what I need from you. Together we felt that

this song really showed how Nicks was affected by the other characters in the novella, and the

distance he places between themand himself.

The quotations that we chose to represent Nick in our presentation were selected above

others because we felt that they highlighted important parts of the novella for his character. In

particular, the quotation that explained how he felt Daisy and Tom smashed things up and left

them for others, really showed the way that Nickfeltabout what had happened to Gatsby. This

was important because it showed Nicks development in expressing his feelingseven if it was

only to himself.

Nicks Relationship with Gatsby:

Nicks relationship with Gatsby was by far the most interesting to me in The Great

Gatsby. When Nick first meets Jay Gatsby, he is instantly intrigued with who he is and what he

does. Nick narrates the first time he sees Gatsby,

I saw that I was not alone - fifty feet away a figure had emerged from the shadow of my

neighbor's mansion and was standing with his hands in his pockets regarding the silver

pepper of the stars. Something in his leisurely movements and the secure position of his

feet upon the lawn suggested that it was Mr. Gatsby himself, come out to determine what

share was his of our local heavens. (20)

At this point in the novella I dont think Nick knew himself what he wanted out of lifebut from

this quotation I think it becomes clear to the reader that Nick was trying to tell Gatsbys story

to make it mean something.

Comment [25]: I really like how you pick oquote from the song to connote the same feelin

you get with Nick =)

Comment [26]: Is this a quote?

Comment [27]: Include quotation marks he

Comment [28]: I love how you interpret thiquote a great way to tell the audience your fee

and why you chose to include this.


6/37

At the end of his tale Nick thinks to himself that he will never be able to forgive Tom and

Daisy for how they treat other people. Nick thinks to himself,

I couldn't forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was, to him, entirely

justified. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Tom and

Daisy - they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or

their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people

clean up the mess they had made....(179)

This passage really shows the importance to how Nicks life was changed because of Gatsby

Gatsbys dead, in a way, gave Nick something to live for. Nick and Gatsbys friendship, and

how it grew and developedhow it changed Nicks relationship with Tom, Daisy, and even

Jordan, really demonstrates how these two characters were connected and how Nicks success

was dependant on Gatsbys fortunes as well.

Comment [29]: Gatsbys dead, or Gatsbys

death?

Comment [30]: You may want to considerrephrasing this sentence it is a little unclear. you trying to say that everything in Nicks life

dependent on Gatsbys actions? Such as Nicks

relationships, and even his success?

Comment [31R30]: I like how you encourclarity by showing the author how you read this

what you (mis)understoodprovides a sense o

audience/consequences for writing CLARITY


7/37




Organization

There is a clearand logical

progression ofideas. All evidence

builds on top ofeach other and

clearly supportsthe thesis.

There is a logicalprogression of ideas

that is sometimesclear. The evidence is

related and supportsthe thesis with some

exceptions.

There may be aprogression of

ideas, but it issomewhat illogical

and murky. Theevidence is slightly

related to thethesis, but does not

relate to itself.

There is no senseof an

organization orlogical

progression ofideas. Evidence

does not relate tothe thesis.

Evidence

Thesis is wortharguing and

debatable. Thereare enough quality

quotes to support

the thesis, but nottoo many to losethe students voice.

Thesis is debatable butmay not provide much

insight into the work.There may be quality


either too few tosupport the thesis ortoo many to allow the

student their ownvoice.

Thesis is notdebatable. Some

quotes areincluded, but they


thesis or do notsupport thestudents

argument.

There is nothesis. Quotes

may be absent orincorrectly used.

Readability

Mechanics are

appropriate to thecontent area of the

paper, and anymistakes do not

compromise thepapers coherency.





impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: B+

Comments: I really like how you provide lots of quotes to back up what you are trying to say.

Not only do you introduce the quotes, but you also explain them which is a great way to properlyuse quotes. Now, focus on the structure of your journal entries and reword some of your

sentences to make them a little more clear =)

Comment [32]: How might you explain thiCLEARLY as you do the successful moves in t

previous sentence?


8/37

#3

InTheGreatGatsby,Tomisonecharacterwhoweseethatreallyaffectshowweseeothercharacters.

Tomisacoldpersonwhoonlylooksoutforhimself.Wechoseinourpresentationtousethecolorred

forhimbecauseitisanevilcolorandTomisevil.RedisassociatedwithhatredandTomhatesGatsby.

RedisalsoassociatedwithmurderandbloodandalthoughTomdidnotmurderGatsby,Tomtold

WilsonthatGatsbyhadbeentheownerofthecarthathadkilledhiswife.Thisofcoursewasgoingto

makeWilsonwantrevengeonGatsbyandotherwiseputtheguninWilsonshandtokill Gatsby.

NicksaidIcouldntforgivehimorlikehim,butIsawthatwhathehaddonewas,tohim,entirely

justifies.Itwasallverycarelessandconfused.Theywerecarelesspeople,AtomandDaisy-They

smashedupthingsandcreaturesandthenretreatedbackinto thiermoneyorthiervastcarelessness,or

whateveritwasthatkeptthemtogetherandletotherpeoplecleanupthemesstheyhadmade( pg

179)ThisquoteshowsthatTomdoesntcareaboutwhatotherpeoplethinkofhimorwhathedoesto

hurtothers.Heonlycaresabouthispossessionsandhavingthebestthingsin life.

NotonlydoesheaffectGatsbyslifebuthealsoaffectsDaisys.Hiswifeisveryloyaltohim,butwhenhe

feelsthreatenedbyGatsby,hefeelshemustfindawaytokeephimawayfromhiswife.Tomdoesnt

evenreallycareaboutDaisy.Hewasnteventhereforthebirthoftheirchild.Hejustcaresaboutthe

ideaofhavingDaisy.Thisaltersherlifethenintheend.

Comment [33]: How does one cite the title

book?

Comment [34]: What makes you think thisWhat quotes could you include to back this up?

Comment [35]: I like how you introducedifferent parts of the story that back up why yo

chose the color red. Now, try to focus on provid

textual evidence to make your assumptions val




Comment [39]: How does one cite a quote

a book?

Comment [40R39]: Consider more CONCways to address these kinds of errors (for your

sake, as well as students)? E.g., SP or citation

format?

Comment [41]: I like how you explain the you chose =)


9/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence



quotes to supportthe thesis, but not

too many to lose

the students voice.



quotes, but there areeither too few to

support the thesis or

too many to allow thestudent their ownvoice.



are unrelated to thethesis or do not

support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: C

Comments: I like how you introduce the quote you use and then explain it. Try to work onincluding more quotes to make your assumptions more valid and work on the fluidity of your

paper.

Comment [42]: Helpful explanation of why

matters CLARITYJHow does this contribute to fluidity?


10/37

#4

IndividualProjectExplanation

IbelieveourGatsbypresentationwasverypositive.Weturnedacharacterwholife

consistedonFitzgeraldspagesandgavehimlifeviahissuccessstory.Wechosethecolorgreen

tosymbolizeJayandhissuccessbecausegreenisthecolorofmoney.Allhislife,evenwhen

Jaywasayoungboy(underadifferentname),hewasaftermoneyandmakingitbig.Also,

greenisthecolorofenvywhichishowJayfeelstowardanothermaincharacter,Tom.Jayis

veryjealousofTomslifeandthefactthatheismarriedtoDaisy,theloveofJayslifeand(we

findoutlater),oneofthedrivingforcesbehindhissearchforwealth.Ourgroupchosethesong

IfIHadAMillionDollarsbytheBarenakedLadiesasoursongtorepresentGatsbyandhis

journey.Thesongis,basically,aboutsomeoneconcoctingideasaboutwhattheywoulddoand

buyshouldgetobtainamilliondollars.Themainline,however,isIfIhadamilliondollars,I

wouldbuyyourlove.ThatisperfectlyrepresentativeofGatsbybecause,inthelatterpartof

thetext,weseethatGatsbythrowspartiestoimpressDaisyandhostsalltheselavishgala

eventstograbherattentionandhopefullystealherbackforhim.Helivesacrossthewayfrom

Daisyinhopesthatshewillseehislarge,beautifulhomeandgobacktohim.Gatsbyisavery

wishfulthinker,butitworkstohisdemise.

Asfarasquotesgo,thebookiswrittenabouttheentirestoryofJay,sothereareplenty.

Thefirstquotethat,Ibelieve,representsJayisonpage21ofthetext.ThisisGatsbymakeshis

firstappearance.Thequotereadsthathestretchedouthisarmstowardthedarkwaterina

curiousway,and,farasIwasfromhim,Icouldhaveswornhewastrembling.InvoluntarilyI

glancedseawardanddistinguishednothingexceptasinglegreenlight,minuteandfaraway,

thatmighthavebeentheendofadock.WhenIlookedoncemoreforGatsbyhehasvanished,

andIwasaloneagainintheunquietdarkness(21).ThisshowsGatsbylongingafterthe

success/money/wealth/Daisyacrossthelake.Thisrepresentsallthelonginginthetext.Gatsby

maymakelotsofmoneyandhavemanyfancythings,butheisstilllongingandhopingafter

somethingthatcannotbeachieved.ThatsomethingisDaisy.Gatsbyisneverandwillneverbe

satisfieduntilsheishis.

Comment [43]: Spelling?

Comment [44]: I like how you introduce thcolor that you chose for Gatsby and then tell yo

reader why you chose that color =)

Comment [45]: Great realization!

Comment [46]: I like how you tell us what song is about this would be helpful to a reade

has never heard the song before =)

Comment [47]: This is a strong thesis it gacross your main point in a easy to understand

=)

Comment [48]: Missing word?


11/37




Organization

There is a clear

and logicalprogression of

ideas. All evidencebuilds on top of

each other andclearly supports

the thesis.

There is a logical

progression of ideasthat is sometimes

clear. The evidence isrelated and supports

the thesis with someexceptions.

There may be a

progression ofideas, but it is

somewhat illogicaland murky. The

evidence is slightlyrelated to the

thesis, but does notrelate to itself.

There is no sense

of anorganization or

logicalprogression of

ideas. Evidencedoes not relate to

the thesis.

Evidence

Thesis is worth

arguing anddebatable. There

are enough qualityquotes to support

the thesis, but not

too many to losethe students voice.

Thesis is debatable but

may not provide muchinsight into the work.

There may be qualityquotes, but there are

either too few to

support the thesis ortoo many to allow thestudent their own

voice.

Thesis is not

debatable. Somequotes are

included, but theyare unrelated to the

thesis or do not

support thestudentsargument.

There is no

thesis. Quotesmay be absent or

incorrectly used.

Readability

Mechanics are

appropriate to the

content area of the

paper, and any

mistakes do not

compromise the

papers coherency.

Mechanics may not beimmediately

connected to thecontent of the paper.

Mistakes may makethe paper harder to

read, but notimpossible.

Mechanics areincorrect for the

content area, butthe paper is still

mostly coherent.

Mechanics areglaringly

incorrect.Mistakes make

the paperunreadable.

Grade: A

Comments: I love how you introduce your character and what it is that your group came up with.You did a great job of relating the color, song, and theme of your presentation to your character

and used a quote that was appropriate. Now, try to include more appropriate quotes to back upyour assumptions! Comment [49]: Consistently using the now

strategy CARINGJ

And even CHALLENGING an A paper to do

betterJ


12/37

#5

Gatsby Misses Success

In The Great Gatsby, I think that Gatsby look successful at the beginning, but by the end

of the novel we see him as a failure. Here I will talk about why we chose the quotes we did as a

group, as well as the color and the song. We were trying to make a PowerPoint slide that

represents Gatsby throughout the book, we thought this would be the most efficient medium in

which to represent this information.

We chose green to represent Gatsby because it stands for money, growth and envy.

Gatsby went from being at the bottom of the socioeconomic status to being so rich he didnt

really know what to do with all his money. One woman who tore her dress at a party he had got

a new one sent to her in the mail shortly afterwards. This shows the reader how he has extra

money to just toss around. The green light at the end of Daisys dock represents Gatsbys envy

of Tom having Daisy as well as Gatsbys desire to have Daisys love.

The second quote we chose: Somebody told me they thought he killed a man once,

shows the reader that no one really knows who Gatsby is or how he made his fortune. He is a

man of mystery throughout the book. He is shrouded in unknowns and stories run ramped about

him to fill the gaps!

The third quote we took from the part where Gatsby is trying to get Daisy to say that she

never loved Tom. I never loved him, She said with perceptible reluctance. p. 132. Daisy

actually admits that she never loved Tom, but retracts this statement in the next few minutes.

This is the turning point in Gatsbys pursuit of Daisy because he realizes that even though she

may have once loved him there is not chance at winning her over now. He just looks really

Comment [50]: Great title!

Comment [51]: Form

Comment [52]: This sentence is a littleunclearfocus on rewording it to make it a litt

easier for the reader to understand.

Comment [53]: I like how you provide anexample of how Gatsby is frivolous with his m

=)

Comment [54]: This sentence is a little uncfocus on rewording it to make it a little easier f

reader to understand.

Comment [55R54]: I know its hard to expfor those of us to whom this comes naturally,

butcan you help the student to see HOW to

rephrase? CLARITYTo me, its the word choice and punctuation he

Tom having Daisy as well as

Comment [56]: Try to introduce the quote yare talking about to prepare the reader for what

come.

Comment [57]: How does one cite a quote a book?

Comment [58]: This is a great metaphor, bulittle unclear. Work on rewording it to make it

for the reader to understand.

Comment [59]: Formation of quotes


13/37

desperate in this scene; forcing Daisy to say that she never loved her husband, right in front of

her. Maybe it was what Gatsby deserves not to have Daisy at his funeral after this escapade!

Gatsby has a great effect on Nick throughout the book so much that he tells this story.

Nick feels it is his responsibility to get people to attend Gatsbys funeral. He has felt like a close

friend of Gatsbys even though he really doesnt know much about the mystery that surrounds

him.

We chose If I had 1,000,000 dollars as the song to represent Gatsby at the beginning.

He thought if he was wealthy enough and threw huge parties, Daisy would love him. All he

wanted was Daisys love and he couldnt get that in the end so I would say he was not really

a success.

Comment [60]: Do you mean that becauseGatsby is trying to force Daisy to say that he do

love her, this is the reason why she doesnt atte

funeral? This sentence is a little unclear.

Comment [61R60]: Like that you show whis unclear by providing your reading CLARITY

Comment [62]: Verb agreement

Comment [63]: 1,000,000 or Million?

Comment [64]: What about the song made think of Gatsby? Maybe provide different quot

go with the song you chose.


14/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: C

Comments: You provide some strong evidence as to why you chose to associate Gatsby withcertain things, but try to work on including more quotes instead of it being opinion based. Also,work on the formation and structure of your sentences so that your journal entry flows better. Comment [65]: Perhaps a CONCISE, CLE

example here since this is the focus? To me, it

so much the structure as the style: short sentenc

informal language. Combining simple sentence

complex ones might help this reader sound mor

academic.


15/37

#6

Daisy

Our group had Daisy for our final assessment, we chose to do portray Daisy in girly

colors, such as pink and white. This is because Daisy is often seen in white and she is so ditzy

we felt pink was a perfect, although stereotypical color for girls. We chose the song Barbie

Girl for our song, because it was reflective of who Daisy is as a character, I also chose to put the

song Material Girl by Madonna because I felt that this was a good way to sum Daisy up as a

character. Daisy is a weak and dumb character which is why we chose the quotes we did.

There is one point where Daisy shows her stupidity when talking about her daughter, 'I'm

glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a

beautiful little fool.' "You see I think everything's terrible anyhow,." she went on in a convinced

way. This shows how Daisys idea of success is to be a fool and nothing more.

We also picked the quote where she is telling Gatsby that she loves him, "You know I

love you,." she murmured. This shows that she is foolish and falls in love easily. One minute

she loves Tom and the next she loves Gatsby, it seems that Daisy loves who ever is paying her

attention at the moment.

A final quote we looked at was the description of the death car The "death car." as the

newspapers called it, didn't stop; it came out of the gathering darkness, wavered tragically for a

moment, and then disappeared around the next bend. Michaelis wasn't even sure of its color - he

told the first policeman that it was light green. The other car, the one going toward New York,

came to rest a hundred yards beyond, and its driver hurried back to where Myrtle Wilson, her life

violently extinguished, knelt in the road and mingled her thick dark blood with the dust. This

seems to show how far Daisy has fallen and how she has been reduced to nothing and in the

Comment [66]: FORM

Comment [67]: Slight confusion is pink a

stereotypical color for ditzy girls, or is it not?

Comment [68]: Should be the end of the

sentence.

Comment [69]: I, or we?

Comment [70]: Is this your opinion or is Ispelled out that she is weak and dumb?

Comment [71]: I like how you introduce thquote =)

Comment [72]: How do you correctly formquote?

Comment [73]: This is one interpretation oquote, but could there be more?

Comment [74R73]: I know what youre geat here, but this is one place where a question m

not do the job: how else could you CHALLENG

this author? Perhaps point out other moments/a

of this character that contradict this interpretati


Comment [76]: This is an interesting idea, focus on the formation of your sentences.

Comment [77]: Is this a part of the quote?



16/37

process she drug Gatsby down with her, well actually she drove Gatsby below her and used him

as a stepping stone.


17/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: C-

Comments: You have good insights as to what you think Daisys character represents, but try tokeep in mind that there are multiple ideas and views of Daisy. Try to work on your sentencestructure so that your entries are easier to follow and understand. Also, try to focus on the

formation of quotes.

Comment [79]: The danger here is that the

student understand this as the teacher just doeagree with me. But I think your response conc

EVIDENCE, and how a particular quote or acti

read in relation to the rest of the text (not just omoment, or ones own cultural assumptions).


18/37

#7

The Great Gatsby Individual Project

For our Gatsby project, my group decided to use a powerpoint because it was the easiest

and fastest way to do the project. We chose all of the quotes that we did because we believed it

showed Gatsbys attempt at success really well. For instance, our first quote is about Gatsby

staring off across the water, longing for Daisy, and our last quote is of after Gatsbys death. The

beginning shows that Gatsby was trying to be part of Daisys life and our closing quote showed

the outcome of that attempt. We decided that the color green fit Gatsbys character really well

for a couple different reasons. First, Gatsby is very money driven because he wants to live a life

that Daisy would approve of. Also, green fits in because Gatsby is envious of the life that Daisy

and Tom have. A single green light, minute and faraway, that might have been the end of a

dock. The reason that we chose the song If I had a Million Dollars is that we thought it

represented Gatsbys monetary ambitions to winning Daisys love. "[Gatsby] wanted to recover

something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving Daisy. His life had been

confused and disordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go

over it all slowly, he could find out what that thing was."

The journey that Gatsby went through impacted Daisy because he tried to interfere with

her marriage and ended up making her move away. He brought strain into her life with Tom, but

it is possible to claim that he impacted her in a positive light because he gave her someone to

really love, not just to comfort that Tom offered.

Gatsbys story is very sad. It stinks that he spent his whole life trying to get Daisy and

then, right when she was almost his, everything goes wrong. I liked this story a lot.

Comment [80]: I like how you tell the readwhy you include quotes =)

Comment [81]: This is a great way to introyour paper to the reader and also a great way to

symbolize the change in the character =)

Comment [82]: Great way to include the cogreen and relate it to the story!

Comment [83]: How does one cite a quote?

Comment [84]: How does one format a quo

Does this quote stand in for your thesis?

Comment [85]: This is a great insight to hoGatsby impacted Daisys life =) Maybe include

quote here to make it more credible.


19/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: A-

Comments: You have great insights all throughout your paper and use proper quotes to explainyour findings. Try to work on expanding your thesis into something that sums up the entire paperinstead of it just being opinion based =)


20/37

#8

Nick

F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby depicts the rise and fall of one man, Jay Gatsby, in

the pursuit of love and success. Fitzgerald places the immortal fate of Jay Gatsby in the hands of

an average bond broker from the West, Nick Carraway. Nick acts as the novels narrator

throughout the entire story; he describes and details the attitudes and moves of Gatsby as well as

Tom and Daisy Buchanan. The former soldier turned businessman attempts to act as a bystander

at the beginning of the book by removing all judgments and acting as a wallflower; however, his

account begins to incorporate more personal judgments as the storyprogresses. Nick becomes

too caught up in the East way of life; he can no longer separate himself from the story; therefore

he moves backWest.

From the very beginning of the novel, the audience is made aware of the narrators intent

to stay unbiased: "In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that

Ive been turning over in my mind ever since. Whenever you feel like criticizing any one, he

told me, just remember that all the people in this world havent had the advantages that youve

had (1). Nick conveys this message to the readers on the first page to set the tone for the rest

of the book. The audience may consider his account to be more reliable now that he has

addressed the issue of judgments and biases. However, Nick is only human as the audience

witnesses later in the novel.

As Nick begins to become wrapped up in the glamour and fast pace lifestyle of the East

coast, he begins to lose his partialness. At the very end of the novel, after Gatsby's murder, Nick

sees Tom Buchanan out on the street. After remaining quite neutral throughout the novel

regarding his feelings towards others, Nick comments on his attitude toward Daisy and Tom It

Comment [86]: Great introductory sentenc

Comment [87R86]: Because?CLARITY

Comment [88]: I like how you give us abackground of Nick and the type of person that

what hes been through, and where he is when

meet him in the story.

Comment [89]: Does this serve as your the

Comment [90]: You do a great job ofintroducing, inserting and interpreting the quot

this paragraph. It is a great display of what Nick

stands for and how the audience is supposed to

him.

Comment [91R90]: I like that youvecommented consistently on this feature of the

writingyour students will be more likely to h

this trend and improveJ

Possible mini-lesson?

Comment [92]: Punctuation?


21/37

was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Tom and Daisy they smashed

up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or

whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made. .

. (120). Nick is frustrated with the way, Daisy and Tom live their lives, and he does not try and

hide his emotions to the reader. To Tom, however, he remains the same calm cool and collected

Nick, from beginning to end. It is only the reader who knows his true human emotions.

With out many conflicting schedules, our group chose to do a Power Point presentation

because it was more accessible to every group member than a poster. Every member could work

on the PowerPoint at their convenience. Steve, Megan, Jeremy, Bob and I choose the color gray

to represent Nick. The narrator wavers through shades of gray as he goes in and out of his

judgment of others. He first attempts to remain an "outsider" and gather the details away from

the crowd, but he becomes a part of the story, and although he remains an outsider, he is too

involved with the characters to not care and pass judgment. Jeremy made a really good

comparison between Nick and a snow flurry. Nick is like snow flurry, he leaves his mark just as

snow peppers the ground. However, once snow has been around for a couple of weeks, it

becomes dirty and gray. Nick is not purely innocent of judgment; he has his biases and flaws.

His judgments are more prevalent as the story continues.

Our group choose the song "I'll be watching You" by Sting and The Police to further

highlight Nick Carraway's job as the narrator of the novel: Every breath you take and every

move you make/Every bond you break/Every step you take, I'll be watching you/Every single

day and every word you say/Every game you play(Police 1983). The lyrics really emphasize

Nick watching the immoral corrupt people of Gatsbys world.

Comment [93]: Punctuation? FORM



Comment [96]: Great insight to Nicks cha

Comment [97]: I love how you inform the ras to why you chose the color gray to represent

You do a great job of telling us many reasons w

this color is a perfect depiction of this characte

Comment [98]: I like how you include quofrom the song to show specific ways in which i

relates to the character of Nick.

Comment [99R98]: The word specific rhelps to explain why this matters, encouraging

students to develop criteria for what works J


22/37

Fitzgerald, F Scott. The Great Gatsby. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1953. Print. Police.

Ill be Watching You. Synchronicity. Hugh Padgham 1983


23/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence



quotes to support

the thesis, but nottoo many to losethe students voice.




either too few tosupport the thesis ortoo many to allow the

student their ownvoice.




thesis or do notsupport thestudents

argument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: A

Comments: you have a really strong paper that depicts to your reader exactly what your group

found out about the character of Nick. I really like how you include quotes not only from The

Great Gatsby, but also from your song that you associate with Nick. A few mechanic mistakes,

but nothing to take away from the paper as a whole.


24/37

#9

Final Journal Response

The character that I was assigned to follow throughout the novel was Tom Buchanan. For

our project we decided to use the song I love the way you lie by Eminem because throughout

the novel Tom lied on a consistent basis. He often lied to his wife Daisy about having an affair

with Myrtle, however, he was rather boisterous about it to other members of the community. We

chose the color red and the color grey as a major color in our presentation as well because Tom

is self absorbed and feels as though he is the shade of grey. He gets away with things that the

average person would never get away with, to him there is no black and white. Even though its

terrible to cheat on a spouse, he can cheat on his wife with no repercussions. He can flaunt his

money and his power, and talk down to everyone with no repercussions. We felt that the color

red symbolized his passion, and his perpetuity to lie. The term caught red handed comes to mind

with Tom, even if there is no punishment for the crimes that he commits. The quote I suppose

the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife. Well, if

that's the idea you can count me out. Because we thought it was interesting how Tom in the start

of the novel cheats on Daisy with Myrtle and then when he suspects Gatsby is attempting to take

Daisy from him he gets mad.

Tom stayed fairly consistent throughout the novel in regard to his idea of success and just

his overall demeanor. He started the novel as a loud, sexist and often racist, wealthy man that did

not care what people thought of him. He ended the novel as that same man, if anything more full

of himself because he got Daisy all to himself and beat Gatsby. I specifically liked this quote

which is said by Nick about Tom They were careless people, Tom and Daisy - they smashed up

things and creatures and then retreated back into their money of their vast carelessness, or

Comment [100]: I like how you introduce tsong you chose and then tell the reader why thi

relates to Tom =)

Comment [101]: How does the color gray ato being self-absorbed? Does Tom believe that

the color of gray?

Comment [102]: Punctuation form

Comment [103]: Word choice

Comment [104]: I like how you describe wyou chose the color red to represent him thisrelevant to his character =)

Comment [105]: Great insight!

Comment [106]: How does one cite a quot

Comment [107]: This sentence is a little un- do you mean it is interesting to note how in t

beginning of the novel, Tom cheats on Daisy w

Myrtle, but when Tom suspects that Gatsby is t

to win Daisy over, he is angry ?

Comment [108R107]: How might you

encourage this student to rephrase without doinfor him/her?

CHALLENGING

Comment [109]: How does one punctuallyintroduce a quote?


25/37

whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.

That quote just basically sums up everything Tom and seemingly Daisy are about throughout the

novel. Tom started out the novel feeling as though that a successful man has a lot of money, has

a lot of power, and can get any girl he wants. He ended the novel this way as well, hurting Daisy

all along the way with how he treated her. Tom affected Daisys character the most in the story

because I feel without Tom treating her the way he did Daisy never would have wanted to go

back to Gatsby. Along with that the fact that Tom had money and she was living a stable lifestyle

also contributed to the choices she made throughout the novel. Overall, Tom stayed the same

from start to finish, and I guess it is true what they say, nice guys do finish last.

Comment [110]: Citation for the quote?

Comment [111]: That, or this?

Comment [112]: Interesting note to end on


26/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: B

Comments: You do a great job of introducing your character to the reader and using quotes thatare appropriate and enhance the presentation of your topic. Now, try to focus on the formationand structure of your sentences to make it easier to read and follow =) Comment [113]: Sounds like this is a cons

language-level problem: what would you do ne

with your class?


27/37

#10

Daisy

Daisys character color is white, which usually mean purity an innocence, but for Daisy

white is more of a color of wealth, shallowness, and foolish. I would call Daisy a pathetic,

cowardly character because she hides behind her money and allows Gatsby to take the blame for

Myrtles demise.

Daisy has a daughter. In chapter one she says, I hope shell be a foolthats the best

thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool. Most mothers you know probably

wouldnt speak of their child this way. Daisy seems to have a disinterest in her daughter; she

doesnt speak of the baby often. Daisy seems to be supporting ignorance. The less women know

about the realities of life, and the hardships that can be faced, the better off women would be. In

a way this quote can be very wise, but on the other hand, ignorance disrupts growth and keeps

people oblivious to the realities of life. We see what good it did for Daisy.

Her shallowness and incapableness of accepting responsibility cost two people their lives.

She knew Tom was cheating on her, but rather than leave the support of his wealth, she turned

into a murderer and killed Myrtle. Arguably she is also responsible for Gatsbys death. By

allowing Gatsby to take the blame for Myrtles death she put him in danger. Myrtles husband

goes in to a fit of jealous rage and revenge and kills Gatsby for the death of his wife.

Furthermore Daisy does not attend Gatsbys funeral. This makes us question whether she truly

loved him at all. Instead she and Tom move away without leaving any means of contact in order

to avoid the mess they created. The wealthy continue to hide behind their money rather than take

responsibility for their actions. Daisy is a spoiled, selfish character that doesnt deserve her

privileged life.


Comment [115]: Foolishness?

Comment [116]: This thesis tells us youropinion, but try to state it in a way that is more

contestable and matter-of-fact

Comment [117]: Try to formulate a better tsentence that encapsulates more of what the

paragraph is aiming at.


Comment [119]: These sentences seem a lichoppy; try to incorporate them into a more comsentence rather than stating one fact/opinion fo

sentence.

Comment [120R119]: A great comment:

sentence combining is one of the most effectivelessons a teacher can teach about grammar

(according to research)J

Comment [121]: Whose? Daisys?

Comment [122]: Try to use some textualevidence in this paragraph.


28/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: B-

Comments: You make good points throughout your paper, but some of them are not executed toowell. Try to work on the structure of your sentences to make them more readable and enhancethe fluidity of your paper.


29/37

#11

Forourgroupproject,wedecidedtodoaPowerPointwithanothervisualforDaisy.

Ourcolorwaspink,becauseDaisyisagirlygirlandwethoughtitrepresentedhow

Fitzgeraldcharacterizedherinthenovel.WedecidedtodoaPowerPointbecausewe

thoughtitwouldbethebestwaytoshowourquotes,color,andsong.Forouraddedvisual,

wemadeaDaisyBarbieboxwithaBarbieinsidetoshowthetransformationofDaisy

throughoutthenovel.Wetookoffsomeofherclothesonebyoneinordertoshowhowshe

becamemoreamoralthroughoutthenovel.ThesongwechosewasBarbieGirlbyAqua,

tomatchtheBarbievisual.

DaisyandNicksrelationshipchangedbecauseofhowDaisychangedthroughout

thenovel.Inthebeginningofthenovel,NickthoughtthatDaisyandTomwereveryclassy

andsophisticated.Nickdidnotknowanyoneelseinthecity,soheheldontoDaisyand

Tomasfriendsinanunfamiliarcity.AtthepartyatDaisyandTomshouse,Nicksaysto

Daisy,Youmakemefeeluncivilized,Daisy(Fitzgerald11).Hesaysthisbecausethe

partyismorerelaxedandlaid-backthantheonesheisusedto.Attheendofthenovel,

NickdoesnotlikeDaisyasmuch.HetellsGatsby,TheyrearottencrowdYoureworth

thewholedamnbunchputtogether(Fitzgerald98).AlthoughNickstartedoffthenovelin

aweofeveryoneslifestyleonEastEgg,thisquoteshoesthatnowhehasdecidedthattheir

lifestyleisempty.

DaisyBuchananundergoesatransformationthroughoutthenovel.Shestartsoffas

amorepure,innocentgirlandendsasawomanwhoismuchmoreprovocativeand

Comment [123]: This is a great way to por

the way that you view Daisy. I loved the idea odifferent type of visual aid to enhance your

presentation =)

Comment [124R123]: I like that you praispresentation for its extra effort CARING J

Comment [125]: I like how you provide co

when it comes to the quote that you are insertin

Comment [126]: Careful with the form of aquote.

Comment [127]: Both of these quotes do ajob of showing the fall of Daisy as a character i

eyes of Nick


30/37

amoral.HerrelationshipwithNickisimpacted,andhestopsseeingherasawomanof

sophisticationandinsteadseesherasawomanoflittlevalue.


31/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: A

Comments: Your paper is extremely easy to read, and really portrays your ideas of Daisy well.You do a great job of picking out quotes that show Daisys growth and depiction throughout thenovel.


32/37

#12

The GREAT Gatsby?!

Throughout The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, there are many times where we

dont know if what Gatsby telling us is sincere. In the beginning of the book, it was easy to trust

Gatsby as a character because we had no reason to believe that he was lying. The only reason we

did get a feeling skepticism from him is because he was presented in an extremely peculiar,

mysterious way. As the novel progressed, Gatsby became this ambiguous character who

represented desire for Daisy, a connection with money and many reasons to associate him with

the color green.

Gatsby is not only associated with green because it is the color of money, but it is also the

color of envy. Throughout the entire book Gatsby displays feelings of jealousy towards Tom and

Daisy, wishing that he was by Daisys side instead ofToms. It is the green light on the opposing

side of the dock that lets us know what it is that Gatsby actually desires after. He lusts after a

fulfilled life with a woman that he loves, but finds it hard to position himself in the right ways to

alieve him of his lovesickness.

A quote that really stuck out to me about Gatsby dealt with the green light and what it

symbolized: Involuntarily I glanced seaward and distinguished nothing except a single green

light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock. When I looked once more

for Gatsby he had vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet darkness (Fitzgerald 20).

Although this quote is said by Nick, it tells us a lot about the character of Gatsby. It portrays his

mysterious side, while also incorporating the green light and Gatsbys desires that have to deal

with Daisy and the quest after a successful life.

Comment [128]: I like your thesis it showreader exactly what you associate Gatsby with

tells us what to expect in the following paragrap

Comment [129R128]: Providing a heuristwhat a good thesis should dotells the author

this matters J

CLARITY

Comment [130]: Do you mean he wishes hwere by Daisys side instead ofherbeing by T

Comment [131]: I like how you introduce tquote here =)

Comment [132]: This is a great quote to dewhat it is that Gatsby desires after.


33/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: A-

Comments: You do a good job with the structure of your paper and describing what it is aboutGatsby that is most important. A few more solid quotes would have been helpful and a betterconclusion may have solidified your arguments.


34/37

#13

We chose Powerpoint because it let us work on our parts separately and put it all together

at the end. It also let us put our music right in the slide show, which was convenient. We chose

grey for Nicks color because it is neutral, like Nick, who is an observer who rarely acts. It also

shows how he sometimes contradicts himself, like when he promises not to judge people, but

does, or when he says he never liked Gatsby at the end. This is also why we chose The Polices

Ill Be Watching You.

I think Nicks most important relationship is with Gatsby. Nick is one of the few

characters to see Gatsby with his guard down, instead of just acting like a playboy. This is

partially because he observes him without Gatsbys knowledge and partially because Gatsby

opens up to him somewhat. The first case happens at the end of chapter one when he sees Gatsby

but doesnt call out to him, for he gave a sudden intimation that he was content to be alone- he

stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way, and far as I was from him, I could

have sworn he was trembling. This quote shows how Nick can be an inactive observer since he

does not call out, but also shows how he knows Gatsby better than other characters, since most

of them could not imagine him looking across the water trembling at a tiny spot oflight.

The other quote I chose is after Gatsbys death,And as I sat there brooding on the old,unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end

of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so

close he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere

back in the vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under

the night." This shows how Nick realized what Gatsby wants better than other characters, and

also how Nick himself understood that success is difficult for us to recognize.

Comment [133]: I like how you use the firparagraph to introduce what the essay is going

about =)

What about a thesis?

Comment [134R133]: One of the things Inotice about these is that some of them respond

the checklist as if they were answering the que

in order (rather than writing a paper)what wo

you do about that?

Comment [135]: This is interesting to poin Nick does have an omnipotent view of what i

going on in the story and seems to create a sens

trust between him and Gatsby.


Comment [137]: I like how you describe thquote by touching upon Nicks intuition when i

comes to Gatsby.

Comment [138]: Punctuation for a quote?

Comment [139]: Citing a quote


35/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: A-

Comments: This essay does a good job of portraying Nick as a character and uses quotes that areappropriate and relevant. I like how you introduce all of your quotes, and how you introducewhat you are trying to get at in the first paragraph. Now, try to work on creating a more

contestable thesis. Comment [140]: A great word to describe why is it important?


36/37

#14

My group got Daisy as our character to describe. We had to choose colors to represent

her so we went with the colors pink and white. Pink because she is typical girl who loves pink

and white because she is pure. We had to choose a song too so we chose Barbie Girl because

she acts likea stupid Barbie during the book. She is a dumb character who acts like a plastic

Barbie which is why I chose the upcoming quotes.

I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this

world, a beautiful little fool.' "You see I think everything's terrible anyhow,." she went on in a

convinced way. This is a quote I chose because it shows that Daisy thinks that the only way a

girl can survive in the world is if she is dumb and beautiful. It shows that she does not want to

grow as aperson.

` "You know I love you,." she murmured. This shows that Daisy is foolish because she

does not even know herself. She falls in and out of love too eaily and never shows a stable

character.

Daisy does not grow as a character in this book. She stays foolish throughout the entire

book not caring about anyone else but herself. She believes that the world is easier if one is

nieve, and not taking any resbonsibilities .

Comment [141]: Punctuation

Comment [142]: How does one cite a song


Comment [144]: I would be helpful to introthis quote, especially since it is at the beginning

the paragraph so that the reader knows what yo

trying to portray with it.

Also, work on the formation and structure of qu

Comment [145]: That she does not want toas a person, or that she doesnt want her daught

grow as a person?

Comment [146]: Introduce the quote and f

on structure and formation.





37/37




Organization








exceptions.





relate to itself.





Evidence




too many to lose

the students voice.









support the

studentsargument.



Readability

Mechanics are








impossible.

Mechanics are



Mechanics are

glaringlyincorrect.


unreadable.

Grade: C+

Comments: You do a good job of portraying Daisy, but a lot of your mechanics get in the way ofunderstanding the point of your essay. I like the quote you chose, but be sure to introduce themand then explain why they are important and relevant to describing Daisys character. Comment [150]: Im impressed at the way

use questions throughout as a means of

CHALLENGING authors and pointing them to

strategies, not just fixes J Your comments are

CARING and CLEAR in using specific praise

your sake, and students, what system might you

develop for CONCISELY addressing language

errors (and even sentence structure)? I especial

that you have both praise and criticism for the b

and the worst papers! J

cuff model 2

Documents