d ifficult c onversations : t ips for success d ifficult c onversations : t ips for success maria c....
TRANSCRIPT
![Page 1: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/1.jpg)
DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS:TIPS FOR SUCCESS
Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.PMarch 13, 2013
![Page 2: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/2.jpg)
“Crucial Conversations”• A discussion between two people where– Stakes are high– Opinions vary– Emotions run strong
» Paterson, K., et. al., Crucial Conversations, 2011
![Page 3: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/3.jpg)
“Difficult Conversations”
• A difficult conversation is anything you find hard to talk about
» Stone D., et. al., Difficult Conversations
![Page 4: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/4.jpg)
Conversations are easy
• When opinions are congruent• When delivering good news• When the stakes aren’t high
![Page 5: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/5.jpg)
Conversations are difficult• When behaviors need to improve• When disappointment is involved• When standards need to be enforced• When advocating for your own interests• When you have to say no but want to say yes– Or, when you have to say yes but want to say no
![Page 6: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/6.jpg)
Usual Approach to Difficult Conversations
• Fight• Flight
![Page 7: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/7.jpg)
Steps for Success• Know your heart and stay focused on your goals• Foster open dialogue • Establish a mutual purpose• Work from facts and not from “stories”
![Page 8: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/8.jpg)
Know Your Heart• What are you trying to accomplish?• What is the real problem?• What do you really want?• Can you state your goal or the problem in one
sentence?
![Page 9: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/9.jpg)
Foster Open Dialogue• No one likes to feel attacked• No one likes to be blindsided• Everyone wants to feel respected
![Page 10: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/10.jpg)
Mutual Purpose• What do you want to have happen with the
relationship?• Where is there common ground?• Where are your goals and interests aligned?
![Page 11: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/11.jpg)
Work from Facts• Don’t assume• Don’t assign motivations
![Page 12: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/12.jpg)
Steps for Success
• Don’t assume others know• Don’t be afraid of a “no”• And don’t put it off
![Page 13: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/13.jpg)
Set the Stage• Avoid unplanned encounters• Prepare and be prepared• Set the agenda or at least know it• Before opinions, give facts• Test the conclusions from the facts• Try for agreement• Test for understanding
![Page 14: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/14.jpg)
Set the Tone• How you start has a strong influence on
whether you will be successful• A positive tone sets a positive climate for
discussion
![Page 15: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/15.jpg)
When Confronting a Problem
• Why would a reasonable, rational person do what the person did?
• Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes
![Page 16: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/16.jpg)
When Asking for Something
• Anticipate his/her emotions• Anticipate his/her responses– Yes– Maybe– No
• But don’t presume to know the answer• Be prepared for each response
![Page 17: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/17.jpg)
Why Things Go South
• Something “pushes your buttons”• It is the last straw• You see villains• You feel victimized• You are ambivalent or feel guilty
![Page 18: D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS D IFFICULT C ONVERSATIONS : T IPS FOR SUCCESS Maria C. Savoia, M.D., F.A.C.P March 13, 2013](https://reader036.vdocument.in/reader036/viewer/2022081518/551be8ac550346af588b6269/html5/thumbnails/18.jpg)
“The Energizer Bunny Approach”
“Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty, and I’ll show you a man.”
Erica Jong
“Time wounds all heels.”
Groucho Marx