Darby O'Gill and the Leprechaun Queen

a musical based on the original Darby O'Gill folk tales

Act One - abridged

music by Ron Barnett book and lyrics by Scott Guy

CAST:

Darby O’Gill, 17 ...............................................................................................Christopher Maikish Pegeen O'Gill, Darby’s sister, 18 ................................................................................. Noel Britton Kinsman ...................................................................................................................... Sari Rose Poll Kinsman 2 .................................................................................................................. David Holmes Other Kinsmen ........................................................................................................................... ALL The Leprechaun Queen ................................................................................................. Rachel Tyler The Leprechaun King ..................................................................................................... Tedd Szeto Murtagh, next in line for the leprechaun throne ...........................................................Peter Welkin Durga............................................................................................................................ Andrea Press Daigle ......................................................................................................................... David Holmes Hobb ................................................................................................................................ Tedd Szeto The Banshee ...................................................... Evelyn Halus, (possibly add Noel, Sari & Andrea) The Goblin King ........................................................................................................ David Holmes Goblin .......................................................................................................................... Evelyn Halus Goblins (sounds; battle) ............................................................................................................. ALL Narrator ............................................................................................................................. Scott Guy

TIME:

early 18th-century

PLACE: Mythic Ireland

MUSICAL NUMBERS

Darby O'Gill ...............................................................................................Darby, Pegeen, Kinsmen Goblin Attack .............................................................................................................. All but Queen Peeky Peeky Crocky ...................................................................................... King, Murtagh, Durga Chuala Mé Tú ......................................................................................................................... Queen I'll Be the King ............................................................................................ Murtagh, Durga, Daigle Never Be Lost ......................................................................................................................... Queen We'll Do Battle Together ............................................................................................ Darby, Queen

1

ACT ONE ABRIDGED

NARRATOR

This is an abridged version of Act One of "Darby O'Gill and the Leprechaun Queen," written with Cathy Rigby in mind for the role of the Leprechaun Queen, music by Ron Barnett and book and lyrics by Scott Guy. It's based on the original Darby O'Gill folk tales, which are in turn based on old Celtic legends and myths. We're going to present bits and pieces of scenes and songs, summarizing a lot of the action along the way. We begin on a mountain ravine in mythic Ireland; early 18th-century. Darby O'Gill rushes in, triumphant, followed by his sister, Pegeen, and a giddy band of fellow kinsmen, shedding various bits of orange goblin costumes: masks, claws, and so forth.

DARBY Tricked 'em! Tricked the goblins I did!

PEGEEN So an' y'did, brother! Fool ME for a goblin!

KINSMAN Fooled us all.

KINSMAN 2 I never thought it'd work, Darby, disguisin' ourselves up as to pass for goblins under their noses.

DARBY Under their stinkin' flatsy orange noses.

KINSMAN Well I never doubted ye, Darby O'Gill.

DARBY Liar, liar! Y'all doubted me.

(Laughter. Darby O'Gill.)

2

ALL

NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD UNFOLD TO SEE A HUMAN STEAL THE GOLD. CREPT INSIDE THE GOBLIN HOLD DID DARBY. GATHER ROUND YE YOUNG AND OLD TO SING HIS PRAISE A HUNDREDFOLD. WHO'S THE LAD WHO STOLE THE GOLD? IT'S DARBY. BRR-AH! BRR-AH! BRR-AH! BRR-AH! DARBY. DARBY. DARBY O'GILL RR-RAH! TELL THE TATTLE, THE TALE BE TOLD T-TAH, T-TAH, T-TAH!

3

NARRATOR

Darby feigns false modesty, saying surely others before him have stolen goblin gold.

DARBY Y'mean NO one before me's done a such a thing?

ALL No, you're the first, Darby O'Gill.

DARBY But what ye're saying can't be true, else I'd be the cleverest, I'd be the trickiest, I'd be admired by all of Eire as the bravest --

ALL You are!

DARBY The strongest.

ALL You are!

DARBY The handsomest!

(Sudden silence.)

DARBY

In all seriousness, boys, fact is, it's only a pinch o' gold. Tain't going to do us much at all.

KINSMAN 2 A pinch is more'n I woulda gotten.

DARBY A pinch is poot, a nothing, a naught. We need more! There's one thing goblins fear. An' that's leprechaun gold. Large enough piece of it'll kill 'em. We know this. That's why the goblins try to steal it from the leprechauns. Not to be rich. But so it can't be used as poison against 'em.

PEGEEN Very well then, Darby. Let us pilfer more.

4

DARBY

What! This from my cautious sister!

KINSMEN (amusement)

NARRATOR

Darby's sister tells the kinsmen about a hidden stash of leprechaun gold which the goblins have stolen and hidden.

PEGEEN As a matter of fact. Y'see that darkening ravine down there, thrusting into the bracken grove?

DARBY Aye.

PEGEEN I've been there.

DARBY Y'haven't.

PEGEEN A hundred yards into the bracken, there's gold.

DARBY What're y'talkin?

PEGEEN Camouflage! That ain't all gnarly trees. Some of it hides a mausoleum.

DARBY Makin it up.

PEGEEN Old, ancient gathering place for druids. Gone now. Goblins got 'em. But in the mausoleum, oh, Darby, a trove of gold! More'n we could never want. Ours for the taking. Come, follow me. Follow, Darby. Follow me, follow....

NARRATOR But Darby doesn't follow his sister.

5

DARBY Something's not quite right with ye, Pegeen.

PEGEEN Aww, but wait, don't you want the gold? Is it poor all your life ye be wanting, and forcing all of us, not just you, all of us to be poor now and ever then and evermore, never having enough, clothes never warm enough, all the while the rich rich leprechauns strutting around in fancy jewel-buckled shoes and trim-n-tip-top hats, and us begging and scraping for a hint o' meat in our soup?

NARRATOR Darby's suspicions about his sister's uncharacteriscally bold behaviour turn out to be well-founded, for just at that moment, Pegeen's face turns dark, then darker still, an ochre shade of orange. And Pegeen whisks off her head of hair to reveal she's no human at all, she's in fact, a goblin, and the real Pegeen is gagged and tucked under the goblin's skeletous arm! At the same moment, multiple GOBLINS appear, outnumbering Darby and his kinsmen. We're not going to stage the battle sequence which happens here, but instead we're going to play an instrumental track, during which a lot of action happens. The goblins attack; the kinsmen put up a brave front. But when one of the goblins corners Pegeen and bites her, she gnarls up and begins before our very eyes to turn into a goblin. Darby tries to leap to her side, but she and the battle are both lost, and in order to save Darby, the kinsmen drag him away.

DARBY Pegeen! I'll come back. I'll come back for you, Pegeen, if it's the last thing I do!

NARRATOR You'll hear in the music where the goblin attacks Pegeen and the kinsmen carry Darby away...and Pegeen's soul begins to separate from her body and float away. The next thing that happens is the entrance of the Leprechaun Queen, who comes to Pegeen's rescue, gathering up her body, and making attempts to gather up her soul as well, but a terrifying spectral ghosty figure sweeps in, snatching up portions of Pegeen's soul, while the Queen opens up the entire side of the mountain with an incantation, pulling what's left of Pegeen and her soul into the safety into the side of the mountain. Here's that battle sequence, beginning from the moment the goblins attack.

(Goblin Attack.)

6

GOBLIN

Elvakított a Csak Csak!

DARBY Pegeen!

GOBLIN Kapzsiság egy kraak ekk frelka!

(The GOBLIN points downwards into the ravine, which begins to glow with a nasty orange firelight.)

GOBLIN Kövess kövess!

DARBY Not goin' without a fight!

(A battle ensues. Darby is unsurprisingly agile, and eludes the first onslaught. But the tide soon turns, his kinsmen are outnumbered and Darby grows desperate.)

DARBY

I've got a pinch!

(HE holds aloft the pinch of gold. The goblins recoil.)

DARBY

I'll use it. Stand back or I'll use it!

(The goblins make thrust-and-parry moves. One goblin closes in on the throat of the Second Kinsman.)

KINSMAN 2 Use it on my goblin...!

(But DARBY already has his mark: the goblin holding Pegeen. DARBY throws the pinch upon the goblin.)

KINSMAN 2 Or that one.

7

(The gold has an immediate effect upon the goblin, like acid upon its skin. The goblin howls in pain, and his muscles lock and tumble him to the earth, writhing him, which frees Pegeen.)

GOBLIN 2 (pointing at Pegeen: his weak spot!)

Az ő gyenge pontja!

(The writhing/dying goblin, filled with venom, bites Pegeen on the leg.)

DARBY

No!

(To Darby's horror, Pegeen's life fluids drain, and she begins to transform into a pale goblin herself. DARBY makes a move to rescue Pegeen, but the remaining goblins form a phalanx and attack. Darby tries to stand his ground, but his kinsmen grab him, and haul him away.)

KINSMAN We're outnumbered, Darby. Stay and we all die.

DARBY I'll not leave her.

KINSMAN I'm afraid ye must.

DARBY I'll come back. I'll come back for you, Pegeen, if it's the last thing I do!

8

(The pursuit is in earnest now, and the goblins chase away the humans, leaving now only the writhing goblin and two others who stand watch over Pegeen, delighting in her turning. Pegeen's SOUL now starts to seep out of her body, and hovers in the air like a sticky fog.

NARRATOR This is where Pegeen's soul starts to seep out of her body. And then...to her rescue comes the Leprechaun Queen.

(It appears that Pegeen is lost, when there appears a shimmering green figure...a powerful warrior female leprechaun...the LEPRECHAUN QUEEN. The rest of the goblins flee!

GOBLIN

(pointing) Eskrekk! Eskrekk Leprechaun!

GOBLINS (fleeing)

Leprechaun, leprechaun, leprechaun....

(The QUEEN winds a tendrilly cloak thrice around Pegeen's body, just as the few pallid remaining wisps of Pegeen's soul seep out, joining the rest of the fog.

NARRATOR This is the spectral figure which frightens the Queen.

9

However, yet another force now enters the landscape. In the night sky there is a black scraping-shape (like a phantasmagoric claw) in the night sky, accompanied by a terrible shriek. A frightening sound and shape, which sends the Leprechaun Queen into utter, irrational, horror. THE QUEEN, in fight-or-flight flight, whirls away with Pegeen, terrified for both of their lives. The insubstantial CLAW sweeps in, clutching up PEGEEN'S SOUL with nearly unbearable savagery. Flashes of terrible light in both the ravine below and above in the night sky. Then sudden darkness.)

10

NARRATOR

We're now going to skip to Scene Three. But what happens in Scene Two is Darby's accepting the fact that his sister is dead, beyond his ability to rescue her. He vows

DARBY I want revenge. I want us all safe, McCulloch.

(a moment more; then:) I've got it.

KINSMAN What've ye got, Darby? Now you've thrown away the one pinch you had, you've got nothing.

DARBY That's it, though. Ye saw the goblins shrivel up at one pinch of leprechaun gold. What if we had a wheelbarrow full of the stuff? Not ordinary leprechaun gold coins; no, I'll to steal the magic leprechaun King's Crock of Gold. Y'saw the goblin's writhe with a pinch of ordinary leprechaun gold. Well, I'm here to tell you the Leprechaun King's Crock is what makes his gold all magical, and a hundred times more lethal to a goblin. Kills 'em on touch. I'll steal the Crock, I will, with enough gold dust in it to run a ring around our village. The goblins won't be able to get in, we'll be invulnerable, I tell you. In the name of my dead sister, I vow I will protect my kinsmen forever more. Or die in the attempt! Now who's with me!?

KINSMAN 2 Errr....

KINSMAN It's that word "die"....Could it instead be, or laugh in the attempt? I might consider.

DARBY Fine. I'll go alone.

KINSMAN Now in that, I'm right there beside you!

KINSMAN 2 Ye're a brave man, Darby O'Gill.

11

NARRATOR So off Darby goes to steal the Crock of Gold from the Leprechaun King, whom we meet at the top of Scene Three, scurrying back and forth along a shallow pathway which overhangs a jagged promontory. With the King is the High Chamberlain (Murtagh), and two lesser servants, Durga and Draigle.

KING (measuring with his eyes and hands)

Atmospheric hydrocoelescence nearly ideal. Spectral event imminent...!

DURGA (aside to Draigle)

What's he saying?

DRAIGLE (equally aside)

We're about to have a rainbow.

(Then the KING suddenly crouches down, intent on the ground and its shadows, as though searching for a small dog or lost child. His COURT attempts not to watch the King's infantile behavior. Peeky Peeky Crocky.)

12

KING

KRIKKY WOCKY CROCKY, CHOOBEE WOOBEE WOCK. PIDDY PIDDY PIDDY PIDDY RAINBOW...WHERE'S MY CROCK?

KING

HIDEY WIDEY RAINBOW PEEKY, PEEKY PEEKY BOO! WHERE'S BY BRICKY WOCKY CROCKY? RAINBOW, SHOW ME, DO!

WHERE YE GON T'BE, MY RAINBOW? WHERE'S MY CROCK O' GOLD? IT'S THE CLOUDS REFUSE TO PART. DO NA MAKE ME SCOLD! YA! YA!

DURGA

(trying to calm him) Patience, yer Majesty.

MURTAGH Don't patronize him, Durga, he's not a child.

KING (like a child)

PEEKABOO! PEEKABOO!

MURTAGH Go ahead and patronize him.

KING THEY'RE PARTING, THEY'RE PARTING! THE CLOUDS ARE MAKING WAY. I THOUGHT THE RAINBOW'D NEVER COOM, O BLESSED BE THE DAY!

DAIGLE

Sire, you do remember how many times a day it rains in Ireland...?

13

KING Here it cooms, here it cooms!

KRIKKY WOCKY CROCKY. CHOOKEE WOOKEE WOCK. RAINBOW DROPPING, RAINBOW TOUCHING. AND..AHA! THERE'S MY CROCK!

NARRATOR

The clouds part; the rainbow descends, and the King's Crock of Gold appears at the foot of the rainbow.

KING (snuggling his nose up against it; hugging it like an infant)

Whuhhhhh! Daddums miss'ems! Roogy roogy roogy, peekaboo! Peekaboo!

14

(From afar, we hear the QUEEN approaching.)

QUEEN (off)

Norbert...!

DAIGLE (a warning to the King)

The Queen!

MURTAGH Thank God.

KING The Queen! Thank you for the warning, Daigle.

DAIGLE All in a day's duty, sir.

(The KING rises; suddenly quite stately and majestic; no longer the silly man snuggling with an iron pot. The LEPRCHAUN QUEEN sweeps in, in a dither. A docile and vacuous PEGEEN trails behind, then stops when the Queen sits her down upon a boulder.)

QUEEN (entering) There's no time for rainbow-watching, Norbert, we --

KING (beaming; no artifice at all; genuine)

My beautiful and always radiant Queen.

QUEEN Stop it. We're in crisis, so we -- well, maybe time for one....

KING As mystical as the day she rose from the clovers.

QUEEN (melting with love for him)

You do have a way with words.

15

MURTAGH (under his breath)

Crocky wocky wocky....

KING You inspire me!

QUEEN As do you me.

(seeing the crock) Ahhh...she's up!

(as though to a child) Good morning, wee one....

KING I remind you he prefers being called Crocky.

QUEEN (sweetly; no bile)

It doesn't prefer anything, dear, I'm saying good morning to it only because it pleases you, but a reminder it's just a pot.

KING (covering the crock's ears)

Shh, shh, there there....she didn't mean anyth --

QUEEN Norbert, I love you, but I'm not having this discussion every day. Listen, I'm not in the jolliest of moods. I'm disgusted with my paltry showing in last night's haul. One human, only one. Pfaugh!.

(indicating Pegeen) At least it's a pathetic specimen I saved, so the philanthropist in me is well-soothed. Murtagh....

MURTAGH Yes, your Majesty.

QUEEN Take the night's haul to --

KING (halting Murtagh with a gesture)

That's not a specimen! I know this one. That's...do you know who that is!?

16

QUEEN She doesn't have a number yet, so no.

KING It's Pegeen O'Gill!

QUEEN (recoiling; an over-reaction)

Pegeen O'Gill! Oh no! (then blandly:)

What does that mean, Pegeen O'Gill?

KING Sister of Darby O'Gill, the trickiest human in all of Ireland. I've watched 'im! Evading the bridgemen, the Fantee, and the pixie-posies without breakin' his cap! Now his sister, here. He can be after only one thing. My Crock o' Gold, my Crock, my Crock, my Crock!

QUEEN All right, calm yourself.

KING (but he won't)

My yoong-un, my tether! Ban that girl, my Queen, afore her brother be upon us.

QUEEN I dun' care who the girl be. She's all I hauled last night, and one more human to work the gold mines.

KING Ye're underestimating the Darby, my Queen. Once he finds out his sister warn't killed entire by the goblins, he'll come for her and my Crock o' Gold.

(kneeling beside the crock) Don't ye worry yer pretty little cast-iron feet now, little one. Your Da won't let nothin' awful come to ya.

QUEEN See, it's times like this I worry for you, Northbert. Next thing you'll be buyin' the pot a bonnet to wear.

KING Say....

17

QUEEN Don't start.

KING Just hide the girl. For me, will you?

QUEEN I will. Prime Minister Murtagh...take her away to the mines.

(MURTAGH escorts the vacuous Pegeen off to the mines. Left alone now are the QUEEN, KING, and a small entourage of attendants-in-waiting.)

QUEEN

As for Darby O'Gill....

KING I hereby BAN that name from ever being spoken in my presence.

QUEEN I'm not afraid of him. I'll have him working in the mines too.

KING Wish I believed you could.

QUEEN Really!? Well, I'll prove it, then.

(The QUEEN begins to prepare an incantation. Chuala Mé Tú.)

18

QUEEN

TARCHUGAM DARBY. COME TO DO BANRION. CARRAIG BOGADKH CARNÁN

KING

No. No, what're you doin'? Leave it all well enough alone.

QUEEN I'll lure him here.

KING Don't now.

QUEEN I'll lure him an' you'll see whose tricks can never fool the Leprechaun Queen.

KING No need. I'll form an extra platoon....

QUEEN (summoning)

BODADH CHUGAN EIS TEACHT TEACHT TEACHT LE DO BANRION.

KING

I love to hear you sing.

QUEEN Tsh! Here be the burden:

BHFUIL TÚ AG EÍSTACHT LIOM?

DARBY (off) (approaching)

CHUALA MÉ TÚ.

KING Well, who wouldn't be lured by the sound of your voice?

(then, alarmed; spying something down the hill) Heh!? It's Darby O'Gill! Quick, clouds, cover the rainbow, hide the Crock! Oh, no, all is lost!

19

QUEEN Panic is not the best color on you. Trust me. I've got this one tamed and in my pepperbox.

CHUALA MÉ TÚ.

QUEEN AND DARBY CHUALA MÉ TÚ.

(DARBY enters, pushing an empty wheelbarrow, wide-eyed and utterly helpless in the mesmerizing magic of the Queen's spell.)

QUEEN (luring him upwards, towards the King)

Follow the sound of my voice, Darby. BHFUIL TÚ AG EÍSTACHT LIOM?

DARBY

CHUALA MÉ TÚ.

QUEEN AND DARBY CHUALA MÉ TÚ. CHUALA MÉ TÚ.

20

QUEEN

Now, leave that wheel'd thing and your shillelagh an' climb up to here and kneel at my feet.

(DARBY leaves his wheelbarrow in the clearing, abandons his shillelagh, and ascends the narrow pathway, to the Queen, and kneels at her feet.)

QUEEN (gloating, to the King)

Like glazier's putty!

KING (admiringly of the Queen)

Like sealing wax.

QUEEN Like a needle drawn to the Pole.

KING Like a moth to the light that is you.

QUEEN (shivers)

Ooo, fancy one, that. Reward y'for that later. Now kneel, o' great Darby O'Gill.

DARBY Aye, my Queen.

QUEEN (to the King; scoffing)

And you were afraid.

DARBY My Queen. My ruler.

QUEEN (basking)

That's right.

DARBY My Imminent Mistress, who owns all the riches in all of Eire.

21

QUEEN I like this one.

DARBY Whose jewels and emeralds and golds can never compare to the pricelessness of her own beauty....

KING He's up to something.

QUEEN Sh!

DARBY Such that none of we poor folk can mind nor object that she owns it all, and leaves us nothing but scrabble to ourselves.

QUEEN I'm beginning to tire of his --

DARBY But such is the way of the world. For to take from the destitute keeps them weak and at bay.

KING Hold on there....

QUEEN It's all right. For a few words more, and I'll have him for treason.

KING No, look! Is the Crock O' Gold moving? On its own?

QUEEN I told ye, it's not a child.

KING No, it's moving! Look, it's sliding. Stop it Crocky!

(pointing at Darby) He's making it move!

QUEEN Don't be silly now. He can't make it move unless he can make the rainbow itself move.

22

KING That's it! That's what he's doing. He's moving the rainbow, reflecting it with his shield. Stop him, stop it!

DARBY Too late. Over the edge it goes!

NARRATOR Sure enough, the crock of gold has been slowly sliding toward the edge of the overcropping, pushed by Darby's reflecting the rainbow's pathway in his shield. And the Crock tips over the edge of the outcropping, and lands with a plooomph! into Darby's patient wheelbarrow, below.

KING

Nahhhhr! Crocky!

QUEEN (to Darby; impressed)

How did you do that? I had you spellbound.

DARBY (cleaning his ears)

Sorry, ma'am, let me pull the mud out of my ears, so I can hear you.

QUEEN Trickery!

DARBY That I heard. So now the crock's in my barrow. An' I'll wheel it away, and ye'll rue the day y'ever heard the name of Darby, of Darby, of Darby O'Gill! Yaaaa!

KING Yaaaa!

QUEEN Quiet! Quiet, ye fools, lest ye alert the....

NARRATOR Sure enough, all the commotion has attracted the attention of a band of goblins, and in the action that follows a number of things then happen simultaneously: Two GOBLINS leap out and bind the King and haul him away.

23

QUEEN No!!

NARRATOR One of the Queen's protecting courtiers is bitten by goblins....

HOBB (hissing in pain)

NARRATOR

Darby leaps off the promontory next to his wheelbarrow....

DARBY (calling up; his arms outstretched)

Jump! Jump, my Lady. I'll catch ye and ye'll be safe back next to your gold again.

QUEEN (even though she is athletically engaged with battling the combat, she still has the capacity to spit sideways at Darby:)

Ye'll not catch me, it's another trick!

DARBY I swear it isn't. Look, no fingers hidden to cross behind my back.

QUEEN I don't trust ye.

DARBY Do ye trust the goblins more?

NARRATOR Whilst Darby is engaged with the Queen, one opportunistic goblin seizes the handles of the wheelbarrow, and wheels it away with a whhsk, into the darkness.

QUEEN The gold!

DARBY It's because he don't have to touch it....

24

NARRATOR All the remaining goblins run after the wheelbarrow, its contents infinitely more important to them than any leprechaun or human. And suddenly, except for the writhing Hobb, Darby and the Queen are alone.

QUEEN (frantic)

Run after him. Rescue your King!

DARBY Might be your King, your Majesty, but he's not worth my risking being bit over. Look at that fella.

QUEEN His name is Hobb. He's loyal, trying to save his majesties! Go after the King or I'll have you on grounds of treason.

DARBY You go yourself. I'll live to find another day to get your gold.

QUEEN But I can't, I can't go myself. I'm the Queen. I do the bidding, you do the following.

DARBY How's that working out for you?

QUEEN But but but that's the way it is.

DARBY Well, ye got me there. If that's the way it is, then off to the jaws of certain death go I, because my Queen hath bid, and glad be I to go, to go, because my Queen hath bid.

QUEEN That's better.

DARBY I was trying to be sarcastic.

QUEEN And I imperious.

25

DARBY So. Off I go now.

(HE heads off...in the direction opposite the King's kidnapping.)

QUEEN

Ah, it's that way.

DARBY What is?

QUEEN They took the King to the North.

DARBY To the South is what I saw.

QUEEN No, North.

DARBY I'll start this way. Meantime, if you want, you can go to the North. Top of the mornin'.

QUEEN (uncharacteristically vulnerable)

No. Wait. Darby. I -- I -- can't.

DARBY What's this?

QUEEN I can't go t'the North.

DARBY And why is that now? Spoil yer fancy boots, would you?

26

QUEEN To the North lies, to the North is the Banshee. What you don't know and y'can't tell anyone, is I'm not in my right mind when it comes to the Banshee. Some folks fear snakes, some fear spiders. I fear the Banshee. She's coming for me one day. And one day will suck my soul from me. I've dreamt it. I feared it ever since I was yay high, in my nightmares, in my dark frightened moments alone without my King by my side. I fear her, Darby. I fear the Banshee more than anything else, and I can't go North. I'd go mad. She'd frenzy me. I've seen it.

DARBY (surprised, but unswayed)

Banshee to the North. I'll to the South.

QUEEN No. I can't go. The Banshee is, she is, I'll do anything not to go North, Darby. I'll give you my boots you're spying.

DARBY Thanks, I'm good with mine.

QUEEN I'll give you a crock o' gold.

DARBY No you won't. I'm off now.

QUEEN I'll give you back your sister.

DARBY My sister. What do you know about my sister? You're bluffing. You're taking a wild stab.

QUEEN Her name is Pegeen. She warn't killed entire by goblins. She's still alive.

DARBY She isn't.

QUEEN She's safe, Darby. In the caverns of my fortress, Mount Sleivenavon.

27

DARBY Mount Sleivenavon!

QUEEN Now listen here. It's beneath the dignity of the Queen to bargain, so that's not what I'm doing, but if you, Darby O'Gill, stealth around the goblin territory to the North as my spy until you can find the whereabouts of my precious King so I can raise a platoon to rescue him, if you use your trickery to help me, then I...will return your sister to you. What do you say?

(DARBY's mouth flaps open; HE is, perhaps for the first time in his life, speechless.)

QUEEN

Darby?

NARRATOR Blackout. In the next scene, we're in a dark cavern in the bowels of Mount Sleivenamon. The Queen's Lord High Chamberlain, MURTAGH, studies a terrain map, while the dunderheaded courtiers DURGA and DAIGLE try to look imperious.

(I'll Be King.)

28

MURTAGH

IF MY MAP AND CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT --

DAIGLE and DURGA AND THEY ARE!

MURTAGH

THEN THE KING IS WHISKED AWAY.

DAIGLE HE'S GONE AFAR.

DURGA GONE AFAR!

DAIGLE AND...REMIND US WHY A WHISKING IT BE SUCH A BLESSED THING?

MURTAGH

'CAUSE AS THE NEXT IN LINE, THEN I BE KING.

DAIGLE AS THE NEXT IN LINE, THEN I BE KING!

(double-check) I BE KING?

DURGA YOU BE KING?

DAIGLE I BE KING!

DURGA CAN I HAVE DIBS ON QUEEN...?

MURTAGH

Look at the map....

29

DURGA (much more interested in her own world:)

IT'S NOT SO MUCH THE THRONE I'D WANT AS, LA!, HER FANCY SHOES. I LOVE HER SHOES, HER POINTY SHOES, IT'S THEM I'D WANT TO CHOOSE. INSTEAD OF THESE MY CRUSTY BOOTS, WHICH ALL IS COME UNGLUES.

Sorry, what're we talking about? I'M GUESSIN'S NOT MY SHOES.

MURTAGH

AND THE HORRIBLE PART THAT'S NOT TO LAUGH IS YOU'RE THE SMARTEST TWO OF MY STAFF.

DAIGLE

WHY IS IT A HORRIBLE PART FOR US TO BE THIS SMART?

MURTAGH

THE SMARTEST OF THE NOT-SO-SMART IS NOT SO SMART I FIND. I FIND THE KIND OF MIND BEHIND THE KIND OF MIND I FIND I ONLY MIND WHEN I'VE DIVINED MY MIND'S THE ONLY MIND.

DAIGLE

What?

MURTAGH Exactly. Now, listen, minions....

DAIGLE Minions!

IS THAT THE THING TO SAY TO A KING? IS THAT HOW TO TALK TO YOUR KING?

MURTAGH

YOU'RE NOT THE KING.

DAIGLE YOU SAID I WAS.

30

MURTAGH I SAID THAT I'M THE KING.

DAIGLE WELL, THERE IT IS, A SECOND BRING! YOU SAID THAT I'M THE KING. I'M THE KING, I'M THE KING, I'M THE KING!

MURTAGH

I'll say this carefully, in unlikely hope you'll catch on. IT'S I, LORD HIGH CHAMBERLAIN, MURTAGH BY FAMILY NAME, MY RANK MAKES ME THE NEXT IN LINE. THE THRONE SHALL I SOON CLAIM. IF ON THE NIGHT OF FIRST FROST OUR COUNTRY HAS NO KING, THEN THE LAW IS CLEAR: THE NEXT IN LINE INHERITS EVERYTHING.

DAIGLE

Everything!? I'll be rich.

MURTAGH I'll be rich.

THE THRONE, THE PURSE, THE CROWN, THE QUEEN. THAT LAST MOST DEARLY CLUTCH. FOR SUCH AS I, WHOM NO ONE LOVES, A QUEEN MAKES UP FOR MUCH.

DURGA

So we need to find the King by First Frost.

MURTAGH N-No....

MAKE SURE THE NIGHT OF FIRST FROST THE KING HAS NOT RETURNED, THEN I'LL APPOINT THE BOTH OF YOU A TITLE YOU'VE NOT EARNED. I'LL DUB YOU DUKE, I'LL DUB A BARON! YOU, DUCHESS IF YOU CHOOSE.

DURGA

SO LONG THE TITLE 'TITLES ME TO WEAR THEM POINTY SHOES.

31

DAIGLE THOUGH HOW TO BOTH BE KING MIGHT STUMP US ALL A WHILE. BUT FEAR Y'NOT, LORD MURTAGH, I'LL GIVE Y'MONTH ON TRIAL.

MURTAGH

TO ENSURE THE KING DOES NOT ESCAPE BEFORE THE WINTER FROST --

DAIGLE A third King??

MURTAGH THE LEPRECHAUN KING.

DAIGLE

THESE FAMILY TREES!

DURGA I'M LOST....

MURTAGH

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS HERE: THIS PEAK UPON THE MAP. STAKE YOURSELVES A LOOKOUT POST AND WATCH THE GOBLIN'S TRAP. AND IF THE KING --

DAIGLE

(starts to interrupt)

MURTAGH (not allowing the interruption)

THE LEPRECHAUN KING ESCAPES, I WANT TO HEAR. ALARM YOU'LL SOUND, A FLARE YOU'LL BURN. THE KING MUST NOT RETURN.

DURGA and DAIGLE

ALARM WE'LL SOUND, A FLARE WE'LL BURN. THE KING MUST NOT RETURN. ALARM WE'LL SOUND, A FLARE WE'LL BURN. THE KING MUST NOT RETURN.

MURTAGH

To the peak!

32

DURGA and DAIGLE

To the post!

MURTAGH and DURGA and DAIGLE RRAUGH!

33

(MURTAGH marches out the room. DURGA and DAIGLE, however, march in contradictory directions, and bash into each other, cracking their skulls. Then THEY run off after MURTAGH, summoning their warrior spirits.)

NARRATOR During the next few scenes, Darby and the Queen make a very uneasy alliance. She takes him inside Mount Sleivenavon and shows him that his sister is alive....

DARBY Pegeen!

PEGEEN (grinning happily)

Oh, so good to see you! What a happy happy day!

DARBY Happy happy indeed. I thought you were gone, Pegeen. I thought you were --

NARRATOR But with only a small wisp of her soul left in her body, Pegeen is a walking empty shell of a human being.

PEGEEN (grinning happily)

Oh, so good to see you! What a happy happy day! Nil sé ró-fhuar....

NARRATOR Nor is Pegeen the only human here in the Leprechaun's caverns inside Mount Sleivenavaon. Many of Darby's kinsmen whom he thought killed by goblins are here, but in the same vacuous state as Pegeen.

DARBY (to the Queen)

What have you done to her? What have you done to all of them?

QUEEN Rescued her is what I've done. All of them.

34

DARBY Rescued her! You've turned her into an idiot. Pegeen....

QUEEN She's actually quite happy.

DARBY I can see that. But my sister's not happy being happy. None of us is; we're Irish: we're happy only when we're miserable.

QUEEN Darby. Your sister and your kinsmen would have been dead, from the goblin bites. I've takin' 'em in to protect 'em. They wouldn't lost an hour out there.

DARBY Y'aren't protectin' them at all! You're using 'em as slaves to mine more of your filthy corrupted gold. Release 'em. I demand y'release my sister and all my kinsmen.

QUEEN First of all, Darby O'Gill, no one makes demands of the Queen. No one. Am I clear? But second, stop an' think. If you were to liberate 'em, you would be endangering 'em for all eternity.

DARBY Eh? How's that?

QUEEN Think about it. If their bodies were to die, there would be no hope for them to be reconciled with their souls. They'd be separated from their souls forever.

DARBY Their souls. Where are their souls? What've you done with my sister's soul, you wicked Queen you?

QUEEN Oh, don't be callin' me wicked till you know the truth. I'm not keeping anyone's soul. I'm not keeping 'em; they're not here. I don't want nothing to do with the Otherworld.

DARBY The Otherworld! What're ye talkin'?

QUEEN Their souls are in the keeping of...the Banshee.

35

DARBY

How come I nevver heard of it?

QUEEN You humans nevver heard of a lot of things'd make you cowards for life if you knew.

DARBY You're tryin' to lead me astray. Fine, I'll call your bluff. I demand you take me to the Banshee.

QUEEN Well, it isn't as easy as all that.

DARBY Ach, here we go!

QUEEN First of all, as I last time said first of all, no one makes demands of the Queen. But second, what you don't know, foolish human, is the Banshee lives in the Otherworld. And the only way to get there is to separate your soul from your body. And most of the time you can never get them back together again. That's what happened to Pegeen. That's what happened to all your kinsmen. Their souls are with the Banshee, though their bodies are still here in Mount Sleivenavon. 'Scuse my shivering. Even the thought of the Banshee....

(A moment of silence. DARBY tentatively reaches out to her, but pulls back.)

DARBY

(cautious) I'm -- sorry. I don't know these things.

QUEEN Well, in that I envy you.

DARBY So. Now what?

QUEEN So. Now I've fulfilled my end of the bargain by bringing you to your sister. Your turn now. Stealth and spy on the goblins to find where they've whisked my husband.

36

NARRATOR Darby doesn't trust the Queen, at least not until she offers him a bit of magic protection.

QUEEN This...is a Summonhorn. If ye're ever in dire straits, then y'are t'blow on the Summonhorn and it'll instantly whisk you to my side, wherever I am, and then I'll protect you.

NARRATOR Darby is dubious, but in a bind, so he agrees to burrow into the dark goblin catacombs, where he overhears double-crossing Lord High Chamberlain Murtagh conspiring with the Goblin King.

GOBLIN KING Ez már jobb, jó! Hogy fekszel, akkor fogom etetni, hogy a Berkerbwacka. Comprenez Berkerbwacka?

MURTAGH Ehm. What I am discovering, your Majesty, is we didn't realize we don't speak goblin very well. Or, in my case, at all....

DURGA Oh, we do.

MURTAGH What?

DAIGLE We were taught goblin in school.

MURTAGH Whatever for?

DURGA Oh, that I don't remember.

MURTAGH So what is he saying?

DURGA (to the Goblin King)

Again, please.

DAIGLE (loudly)

Would you repeat yourself!!?

37

GOBLIN KING

Ön hízeleg, hogy tanult a goblin nyelvet. Kérdezze meg undorító Chamberlain itt, amit akar?

DAIGLE Right. He says "The surface of the lobster is a slavering hound." Maybe I'm a little rusty.

DURGA I didn't hear lobster. I thought it was broomstick.

DAIGLE I'm pretty sure lobster.

DURGA Broomstick.

DAIGLE Lobster.

MURTAGH Tell him, we're looking for a good hiding place for the Leprechaun King. And there's a fish in it for him if he likes. Ask him if he likes fish.

DAIGLE (to the Goblin King)

Do you like fish?

MURTAGH In goblin, you moron!

DAIGLE (to the Goblin King)

Do you like fish in goblin, you moron?

MURTAGH No, no, translate it into goblin. Ask him about a hiding place for the King.

DAIGLE But I'm the K --

MURTAGH Don't start that again.

38

GOBLIN KING (in perfect English)

I know a wonderful hiding place.

MURTAGH (not realizing it wasn't goblin)

What did he say?

DURGA Something about the sixth of dunghill, I think?

DAIGLE No, no, the fourth.

DURGA You're right. The fourth of dunghill. Are we done? What are we talking about?

GOBLIN KING I already hid the King. In the Banshee's Cove in the Otherworld.

DAIGLE Wait, I've got this one. Stripes. Something about stripes. Or mechanical monkeys.

MURTAGH No. He said the Otherworld.

DAIGLE Pretty sure it was monkeys.

DURGA Definitely monkeys.

MURTAGH Wait; that's not goblin!

GOBLIN KING What, ye think we don't understand Irish?

MURTAGH It's brilliant! We'll hide the King in the Otherworld, where the Queen is too frightened to go.

39

ALL (laughter)

NARRATOR

Amid all the laughter, Darby decides to make his getaway. But he accidentally dislodges some stones, and he's caught.

ALL BUT DARBY (hissing)

DARBY

What ye don't know is that I have on an invisibility cloak, and none of you can see me.

(THEY make a move towards him, but DARBY makes a gesture with his shillelagh, and they stop with caution.)

DARBY

AND! I have a powerful wizard's staff which will kill ye entire if you make a move.

(THEY make a move. DARBY turns to run, but discovers there's a wall where he thought would have been empty space. The goblins and leprechauns close in. DARBY momentarily panics, but then holds aloft the hunting horn. THAT stops everyone in their tracks.)

DARBY

Ye made a move. WAIT! I've a horn.

DURGA The Queen's horn!

DAIGLE (translating, for the Goblin King's sake)

(A királynő kürt.)

(The GOBLIN KING nods with understanding.)

GOBLIN KING You keep missing the part about my understanding Irish.

40

DARBY I'll be blowing this horn now, and it'll whisk me to the Queen's side, and then you're in for it, as we're off to rescue the King. Three. Two. One!

NARRATOR DARBY blows on the horn. And nothing happens.

DARBY A.ny.moment.now....Maybe instead, I'll...run!

(Chaos. Darby running out seemingly by three exits simultaneously, with goblins and leprechauns a-chase. DURGA and DAIGLE bash into each other again.)

MURTAGH

(trying to stem the chaos) No, no, the other way. Head him off and the Queen before they reach the Banshee's Cove. This way. Follow me!

(But no one's following anyone; everyone has his own plan how to catch Darby O'Gill, and noise and shrieking fades down every goblin corridor in pursuit. As the lights change to:)

NARRATOR Meanwhile, in the Boudoir of the Leprechaun Queen, she has bathed and re dressed and now looks radiant, but sad. SHE conjures a beautiful shimmering image of the KING and addresses it with fervent clutching at hope.

(Never Be Lost.)

41

QUEEN THOUGH YE STAY AWAY TILL THE WINTER FROST FOR NO WAYS BACK HOME THERE BE, THOUGH PATHS BE HID AND THE ROADS BE LOST, YE BE NEVER LOST TO ME. YE'LL NEVER BE LOST TO ME.

BEFORE I'D WED AGAIN, I'D TAKE AWAY MY LIFE. I'LL NEVER BE ANOTHER'S WIFE.

IF I FIND THAT YOU INTO DEATH HAVE CROSSED AND THE SPRING YOU'LL NEVER SEE, NOT EVEN IF YOUR LIFE BE LOST, YOU WILL NOT BE LOST TO ME. YOU'LL NEVER BE LOST TO ME.

42

(But shattering her shimmering image and her lovely reminisces is DARBY, come a-crashing into her boudoir.)

QUEEN What the divvil!

DARBY Say I the same thing.

QUEEN This be a private chamber!

DARBY (slamming the Summonhorn onto a vanity)

And this be a stinknhorn!

QUEEN What d'ye mean stinken?

DARBY I had to run and scramble for two hours. You said it'd summon me to your side.

QUEEN And here y'are.

DARBY You betrayed me.

QUEEN I did no such thing.

DARBY I don't believe a word you say.

(brandishing the horn again; demonstrating) I blew on the horn and nothing happened.

QUEEN Well, not if you blow on that end.

DARBY What d'ye mean.

QUEEN That's the wrong end ye blew on.

43

DARBY

Well, how'm I supposed to know which end!?

QUEEN Same as how'm I supposed to know you're so ignorant not to know which end to blow!

DARBY Well what kind o' leprechaun would make such a flabber-kibbin-mixed up horn as all that! Anyway, I've done my bit. I found out where the goblins've taken the King.

QUEEN And!?

DARBY The Banshee's Cove.

QUEEN Banshee's C -- I don't believe ye. Convenient! Ye're making it up just so I'll escort ye to the edge of the Otherworld where lies yer sister's soul. Pfaugh! Ye got cold feet an' never made it to the Goblin Throne Room.

DARBY Never made it, didn't I? Never saw a throne made of stone, an' never saw no statues o' goblin kings.

QUEEN Ye could have heard about that.

DARBY And never saw your High Chamberlain Murtagh there, offering fish to the Goblin King.

QUEEN Murtagh! Now I know you're lyin'! For what would my Lord High Chamberlain be doin' fraternizing with goblins?

DARBY Rewardin' 'em with fish carcasses for having done his bidding a-kidnapping the King until First Frost, so that Murtagh, next in line as he is, can take his place as King.

44

QUEEN No human would ever know about First Frost and certainly not about whose next in line. By Conla, you were there, Darby!

DARBY You couldn't marry Murtagh, would ye, my Lady? Far too old and ugly for you.

QUEEN I was just sayin' to my husband's spirit I would rather die.

DARBY Well, I won't let that happen.

QUEEN What's it to ye?

DARBY Don't want to see you sucked away by the Banshee is all, an' let's leave it at that.

QUEEN I can't go, Darby. I can't face her, the Banshee. Look a' me.

(visibly shivering) Snakes and spiders all ye can toss on me, but I'll wither, I'll die. Darby, Darby, save me!

DARBY Well I will. You and I, we can do it. You get me there, and I'll trick her somehow.

QUEEN "Somehow"? That's not much of a plan. Y'do have a plan, don't ye, Darby?

DARBY 'Course I do. Look. Looky here...what is this?

(HE makes a quick snitchy gesture in mid-air in front of the Queen's face, and produces forth a gold coin, appearing as if out of nowhere.)

DARBY

That's the leprechaun gold coin you keep in your own left hip pocket. See if I didn't steal it from you right this very moment.

45

(The QUEEN inspects her pockets; finds the coin is indeed missing.)

QUEEN You give it back! I'm furious! Furious but impressed.

DARBY If I can fool you, I can fool anyone, including the Banshee. Come, let's go, you and I. I'll get my sister's soul back, and you'll get your husband back. And, if I've anything to say about it, you'll also lose ye're fear o' the Banshee in the bargain. But you must promise me ye won't abandon me the moment I free your King for you.

QUEEN Ah, here we are again. Before I promise that, you have to promise you won't abandon me the moment I free your sister's soul for you.

DARBY Let's pledge it, shall we?

QUEEN We shall! Together! But....

DARBY But...?

(SHE hesitates. We'll Do Battle Together.)

46

QUEEN

NOW, WAIT, LAD, BEFORE I RESPOND. MY WORD IS MY BOND. MY PLEDGE IS TO THE DEATH OR BEYOND. SO IF I MUST TO YOU GIVE YOU MY TRUST, GOD SAVE YE DARBY O'GILL, YOU MAY BETRAY ME STILL.

DARBY

As an Irishman....

QUEEN DO SO AND I WILL SLAY THEE, I WILL. (AN) OATH OF THE QUEEN'S: MARK WELL WHAT THAT MEANS.

QUEEN

SURE AN' IT'S CERTAIN AS CERTAIN THE DAWN WILL BRING THE SUN OR THE CLOUDS'LL BRING RAIN, ONCE PLEDGED, THE DEED IS DONE. SIDLING TOGETHER, THERE BE NOTHING LEFT WAITING FOR, BY TROTH. IF I PLEDGE YOU MY OATH TO YOU EVERMORE.

DARBY

JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE ROYALTY DON'T HOLD NO SWAY. PROVE ME YOUR LOYALTY. NEVER STRAY. THE OATH OF A PEASANT'S JUST AS GOOD AS YOURS. SO THINK YOU TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY:

SURE AN' IT'S CERTAIN AS CERTAIN THE DAWN WILL BRING THE SUN OR THE CLOUDS'LL BRING RAIN, ONCE PLEDGED, THE DEED IS DONE. SIDLING TOGETHER, THERE BE NOTHING LEFT WAITING FOR, BY TROTH. IF I PLEDGE YOU MY OATH TO YOU EVERMORE.

QUEEN

YOU DOUBTING THOMAS.

47

DARBY HAUGHTY ROYALTY!

QUEEN I'LL KEEP MY PROMISE.

DARBY

LOYALTY!

QUEEN and DARBY (THE) OATH OF A ROYAL'S/PEASANT'S JUST AS GOOD AS YOURS. SO HAND IN HAND, THAT'S WHY WE SAY:

QUEEN/DARBY

SIDLING TOGETHER, THERE BE NAUGHT WE CAN'T DO. (BY) TRUTH OR BY TROTH (IF I) PLEDGE YE MY OATH, WITH YOU BY MY SIDE, HONOR BE SPOKEN, ALLEGIENCE NEVER BROKEN. A LOYALTY WE SWORE. WE'LL DO BATTLE TOGETHER NOW AND EVERMORE!

(During which the QUEEN re-pickpockets the gold coin as the lights black out.)

END OF ACT ONE

NARRATOR End of presentation.