david sullivan - university of texas at austin · when dr. david sullivan was a boy. “when i was...
TRANSCRIPT
300word story
Tips on writing a Spartan story that isn’t Greek to your readers.
Monday, June 25, 12
David Sullivan What is the story about? Reduce it to a single sentence.
Dr. David Sullivan is giving back to a community that has changed significantly since his childhood.
Monday, June 25, 12
What’s Your Angle? Do not write a news lead.
Dr. David Sullivan is a 1970 graduate. He is now a local dentist. Once a week for the past eight years, he leaves his office to teach a class on dentistry to seventh graders as part of a district after-school program, Kids First.
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Duh...
Never open with a statement of the obvious.
At one time or another, all of us will need to see a dentist, so that means the nation needs plenty of them. Dr. David Sullivan is working to make sure the nation’s need is met.
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Tooth Decay
Do not open with a goofy statement.
Unlike the tooth fairy, who teaches children to trade their teeth for loose change, Dr. David Sullivan educates seventh graders about dental care and dentistry.
Monday, June 25, 12
YouBoob
Avoid second person.
Do you want to learn more about gum disease and root canals and tooth decay? Well, if so, you might want to chat with Dr. David Sullivan. He is teaching area children all about what it’s like to become a dentist.
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Thanks A Million No editorial comments.
There are many fine and generous people in this community but none as fine and generous as Dr. David Sullivan.
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He said | She said No quote leads.
“This is just a way for me to give back to the community I grew up in,” Dr. David Sullivan said.
Monday, June 25, 12
How to write a 300-word story (lead) Paraphrase your best quote. Use it as your lead.
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How to write a 300-word story (body) Put quotes in a logical order. Transitions: data or paraphrase quote
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How to write a 300-word story (closing) Find a quote that takes the reader from either the past to the present, or from the present into the future. End with a direct quote from the major character. Don’t end with attribution
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Transitions Put your quotes in order. Write them out. Paraphrase first sentence of a quote block. Begin the direct quote with the second sentence. Next transition: either the last sentence of the first quote block, or the first sentence of the next quote block. Transition sentence/paragraph should present fact, not opinion, elaboration or clarification.
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Attribution Place attribution after the first sentence. Noun (who is talking) precedes verb (said.). Use the verb said unless you have a reason not to. Use past tense verb (said, not says).
Monday, June 25, 12
Massage your quotes
Full quote
“I’m impressed with the kids I’ve met so far. They’re curious. They want to know things. How does the jaw work? What causes tooth and gum problems? What’s the difference between a bridge and a crown? A few seem interested enough to perhaps pursue a career in dentistry. I’ll be disappointed if some of these kids don’t grow up to become dentists themselves.”
Monday, June 25, 12
Paraphrase first sentence
Sullivan said he is impressed with the kids he’s met.
Finish with the rest of the quote
“They’re curious,” he said. “They want to know things. How does the jaw work? What causes tooth and gum problems? What’s the difference between a bridge and a crown? A few seem interested enough to perhaps pursue a career in dentistry. I’ll be disappointed if some of these kids don’t grow up to become dentists themselves.”
Monday, June 25, 12
Lazy + Dumb = Pablum
Dr. David Sullivan graduated from here in 1970 and has lived here since. Now, he’s trying to improve it.
“This is just a way for me to give back to the community I grew up in,” he said.
He leaves his dental office once a week to teach seventh graders as part of a district after-school program, Kids First.
“I’m impressed with the kids I’ve met so far,” he said, adding that he thinks some of them may go on to become dentists.
“I had one seventh grade girl ask me, ‘Do you think I’m smart enough to be a dentist?’” he said. “And I told her, ‘Absolutely.’”
Don’t hatchet full, rich quotes into goofy snippets.
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Good Lead I
Bryan is a different place than it was 30 years ago when Dr. David Sullivan was a boy.
“When I was young, we were thought of as country kids,” he said. “Not anymore. This is a city with lots of city problems. That’s OK so long as people are doing their best to confront and solve the problems.”
He is.The 1970 grad leaves his dental office once a week
to teach seventh graders as part of a district after-school program, Kids First.
Paraphrase part of a quote and use it as the lead.
Monday, June 25, 12
Good Lead II
A seventh grade girl stepped forward and asked Dr. David Sullivan, “Do you think I’m smart enough to be a dentist?”
His response? “Absolutely. You’re plenty smart. You just
have to be willing to work hard enough.”Sullivan fields questions like these once a
week. As part of a district after-school program, Kids First, he teaches dental hygiene, lab technology and business management.
Transitions provide the facts. Quotes provide elaboration or opinion.
Monday, June 25, 12
“Do you think I’m smart enough to be a dentist?” the seventh grade girl asked.
Absolutely, Dr. David Sullivan replied. “You’re plenty smart. You just have to be willing to work hard enough.”
That’s the message Sullivan has taken to seventh graders for the past eight years. Sullivan, a 1970 Bryan High alum, leaves his dental office to teach a class on dentistry as part of a district after-school program, Kids First. Students learn about careers in dental hygiene, lab technology and business management.
Dialogue lead. Nice flow. No dead zones.
Monday, June 25, 12
Sullivan said he’s impressed with the kids he’s met so far.
“They’re curious,” he said. “They want to know things. How does the jaw work? What causes tooth and gum problems? What’s the difference between a bridge and a crown? I’ll be disappointed if some of these kids don’t grow up to become dentists themselves.”
Why all the effort?“This is just a way for me to give back to the
community that I grew up in,” Sullivan said. “It’s a different place from what it was 30 years ago when I was growing up. More people. More congested. When I was young, we were thought of as country kids. Not anymore, Bryan is a city with lots of city problems. That’s OK so long as people are doing their best to confront and solve the problems. I’m just trying to do my share.”
Dialogue lead. Nice flow. No dead zones.
Monday, June 25, 12
300 Word Story: Roy Neary What is the story about? Reduce to a single sentence:
Roy Neary uses music to teach physics.
Monday, June 25, 12
Duh... Being a student here is hard. Anyone can attest to that. Taking classes like AP Physics is even worse. However, teacher Roy Neary has made a breakthrough in studying techniques: songs to go with the information he teaches.
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Tune out... Songs are a good way to learn new things and to memorize facts. We all know that. AP Physics teacher Roy Neary uses singing songs that he has written himself to help his students learn complex math and science principles.
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Sleep aid With science being one of the most difficult subjects, AP Physics teacher Rob Neary hopes to turn that around through music.
No one teaches AP Physics quite like Roy Neary. Unlike other teachers, he has been making his class fun and easy for years.
Monday, June 25, 12
Bone-a-fide loser Hannah Montana made “The Bone Dance” a hit on her TV show, teaching kids the bones of the body. Now, AP Physics teacher Roy Neary is also using his own music to teach his students a thing or two about physics.
Monday, June 25, 12
Me hate Physics! Physics is not exactly the most riveting subject in the world. At least not for anyone who doesn’t lie awake at night dreaming of thermodynamics. But AP Physics teacher Roy Neary has used his past experience in a heavy metal band to make his class tolerable, even enjoyable.
Monday, June 25, 12
Interview Roy Neary When did you write your first song? What’s the point of having students sing? What has been the general student reaction? Any chance you’ll package these and try to sell them? Were you ever in a band or group? What was that like? Anything else you want to add or think I should know?
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Neary lead: Good
Through high school and college, AP Physics teacher Roy Neary played lead guitar in a heavy metal band called “Experimental Error.”
They weren’t very good, but Neary had a great time. Still, he knew his future wasn’t in music. It was in the classroom. Then, as a beginning teacher, he found a way to fuse his two passions.
“I was looking for a way to help students memorize and understand the basic concepts in the Periodic Table,” he said. “I thought, ‘Maybe if I chant it, they’ll remember.’”
A tune popped into his head, and a star was born.
Monday, June 25, 12
Neary lead: Better
As a beginning teacher, Roy Neary was searching for a way to help his physics students memorize and understand the basic concepts of the Periodic Table and thought, “Maybe if I chant it, they’ll remember.”
After all, he knows a little about music. He’s a former lead guitarist in a heavy metal band.
“A tune popped into my head,” he said. “I sat down with my guitar, and I wrote out words and music.”
The result? “Oxidation Information.”That was 1991. Since then, he’s written 17 songs to
help students learn about science.
Monday, June 25, 12
Neary lead: Rockin’
If Albert Einstein and Gene Simmons had a love child, it would be Roy Neary. This former rock guitarist turned AP Physics teacher has found a new method to reach students.
“As a beginning teacher, I was looking for a way to help student memorize and understand basic concepts of the Periodic Table,” he said. “I thought, ‘Maybe if I chant it, they’ll remember.’”
Monday, June 25, 12
Through high school and college, AP Physics teacher Roy Neary played lead guitar in a heavy metal band named Experimental Error. He had a great time, but he knew his future wasn’t on stage. It was in the classroom.
Then, as a beginning teacher in 1991, Neary was searching for a way to help students memorize and understand the basic concepts in the Periodic Table and thought, “Maybe if I chant it, they’ll remember.”
A tune popped into his head. He sat down with his guitar, worked out a nice riff, jotted down a few lyrics, and his first song, “Oxidation Information” rolled out.
Since then, he’s penned 17 songs to help students learn about and understand science.
Dialogue lead. Nice flow. No dead zones.
Monday, June 25, 12
“I’m not trying to trivialize science,” Neary said. “Far from it. I’ve found that singing along really helps learning and retention. I have kids who can still remember things five to six years after they learned it. Kids come back from college to visit, and we sing ‘Valence Electrons.’ Sure, some of the kids think this is goofy or weird, and maybe they are. But like those stupid jingles in television commercials, people tend to remember them.”
He said he doubts he’ll try to cash in on his collection of songs any time soon.
“Maybe when I retire,” he said. “I actually had a kid say to me, ‘You should go on American Idol.’ I said, ‘Sorry. I’m too old. I don’t think they have a senior edition.’ And besides, I doubt Simon Cowell wants to hear a song about the Periodic Table.”
Dialogue lead. Nice flow. No dead zones.
Monday, June 25, 12
Lazy + Apathetic = Dumb
AP Physics teacher Roy Neary uses music to help his students learn complicated scientific principles.
“As a beginning teacher, I was looking for a way to help students memorize and understand the basic concepts of the Periodic Table,” he said.
So, he chose music.“I’ve found that singing along really helps learning
and retention,” he said.He doesn’t think he should go on American Idol.“Sorry,” he said. “I’m too old.”
Monday, June 25, 12
300 Word Story: Rick Deckard What is the story about? Reduce it to a single sentence:
A homeless man teaches photo teacher Rick Deckard how to see the city.
Monday, June 25, 12
Pauper Paparazzi Homeless people aren’t like celebrities and star athletes who get their pictures taken all of the time. By and large, they are invisible unless they’re standing on a street corner, holding a cardboard sign, begging for food or money. Be that as it may, photo teacher Rick Deckard has spent the past year or so taking photos of them anyway.
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Guess who? Rick Deckard, photographer teacher, is taking part in an effort to assist the homeless. You would never guess that Deckard was once homeless himself. He lived in his car and knows that anyone can end up homeless.
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Seeking converts Please join us as we meet Rick Deckard, photography teacher, who takes on yet another duty along with being a hard-working and dedicated educator. After his teaching day is over, he converts himself into a person who genuinely cares for the homeless. It has been said that the best work is mostly done away from your natural career, and that certainly seems to be the case with Mr. Deckard.
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Photo teacher uses camera!!! Rick Deckard doesn’t just snap pictures. He documents lives. Traveling from one homeless shelter to the next, this photography teacher uses his camera and his own experience to change our community by helping one person at a time.
Monday, June 25, 12
A bum lead...
Two points of view. Two different realities. It all depends on whether you’re holding the sign or the steering wheel. One person sees a bum with a piece of cardboard asking for a handout so he can buy another pint of cheap vodka. The other sees a heartless jerk who’ll spend $25 on a pair of socks but who won’t toss a quarter — much less a dollar — to a homeless beggar on the streets.
Monday, June 25, 12
Coming to a theatre near you…
In a world without homes, anarchy rules over mankind. But one man is out to make some changes. Some say he’s mad, others say he’s from California but all will agree he is out to change the world forever. He’s out for revenge against homelessness because he was once homeless himself. How many people will join his quest? Remember, there are things in this world worth fighting and dying for.
Monday, June 25, 12
Smart - Honesty = AP English
Often times, when we see a homeless man or woman, we think of them as just another addict begging for change to buy another high. But look again. Maybe the person isn’t an addict. Maybe he or she lives on the street for reasons beyond their choice or control. Consider, for example, Dwayne, a homeless man who was scraping out a meager existence living on the periphery of society when he befriended photo teacher Rick Deckard and changed his life forever.
Monday, June 25, 12
Deckard lead: Good
Even though he once lived in his car, photo teacher Rick Deckard has never thought of himself as homeless.
“I had a job that provided me a place to shower, but I couldn’t sleep there at night,” he said. “So, I slept in my Chevrolet Monte Carlo. Now, when I’m taking photos of homeless people, I often see myself and realize that the difference between living in a brick home and on the streets is razor thin.”
Last year, Deckard began documenting the lives of homeless people here and across the nation.
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His name was Dwayne. He was living in and out of various downtown homeless shelters when photojournalism teacher Rick Deckard met him while shooting a project on city architecture.
“He became my guide, took me around to the shelters, showed me all sorts of nooks and crannies and interesting angles and perspectives,” Deckard said. “He died a couple of months after I met him, but he had a profound impact on my photography. He showed me a whole new way of looking at the city.”
Since then, Deckard has photographed hundreds of homeless people across the nation and is now taking part in homeless-related events ranging from speaking engagements to housing and feeding the homeless.
Story is about setting: the city. It makes sense to open with a scene.
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“I want to allow people to see the people I shoot as individuals,” he said. “I want to allow people to see the people I shoot as individuals. I want people to stop or at least slow down, acknowledge that these people are human beings, not unlike themselves in any way, and to wonder how different they are from themselves. If they’ll do that, they’ll have a greater respect for the fates of time and place and nature.”
Story is about setting: the city. It makes sense to open with a scene.
Monday, June 25, 12
Deckard was homeless himself back in the early 1980s. He’d moved to California with little money or support, broke up with a girlfriend and found himself living in a car for a week or so.
“I had a job, which provided me a place to shower, but I couldn’t sleep there at night, so I slept in my Chevrolet Monte Carlo,” he said. “It’s funny. Now, when I’m taking photos of homeless people, I often see myself and realize that the difference between living in a brick home and on the streets is razor thin.”
Monday, June 25, 12
Clueless + Hungover = Insipid
Rick Deckard teaches photography and documents the lives of homeless people. He was homeless himself back in the 1990s.
“I found myself living in my car for a week or so,” he said.
He became interested in photographing homeless people when he was shooting a project on city architecture. He met a man named Dwayne.
“He became my guide,” Deckard said. “He showed me a whole new way of looking at the city.”
Monday, June 25, 12
300 Word Story: Bryan Bennett What is the story about? Reduce it to a single sentence.
Senior learns that Rock Paper Scissors isn’t always about luck.
Monday, June 25, 12
Do NOT go there... High school boys do some weird stuff with their hands. But in Bryan Bennett’s case, it’s not what you think. He plays Rock Paper Scissors and is good enough to place fourth in the world! You might even say he’s mastered it.
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Boring
Senior Bryan Bennett participates in the Rock Paper Scissors team for his high school. Bennett had the privilege of competing at the World Rock Paper Scissors Championship in Toronto. He finished fourth.
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Speling matturs Rock, paper or sissors? This choice has accumulated into Bryan Bennett’s 4th place in the World Rock Paper Sissors Championship.
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Dumb… Bryan Bennett did not write the book on Rock Paper Scissors. But he did read it.
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Two flying… He is your average senior. He has every period “off” and constantly throws up his graduating year’s sign as if anybody gives two flying turds about the class of 2012. On the surface, he’s just like you and me, but deep down, he’s a killer. He seeks mental flaws and calculates your every move like a TI-84. He is Bryan Bennett, and he’ll steamroll you in Rock Paper Scissors.
Monday, June 25, 12
Lazy + Dumb = Pathetic
Senior Bryan Bennett placed fourth in World Rock Paper Scissors Championship in Toronto. He lost to some woman.
He started playing in third grade.“The more I played, the better I got,” he said. Bennett said there’s no trick to the game.“I say it’s about predicting what your opponent
predicts you will throw,” he said, adding that nerds like paper.
No throw is totally random, he said.“Tossing a coin. That’s random,” he concluded.
Monday, June 25, 12
Bennett lead: Good
Bryan Bennett started playing Rock Paper Scissors in the third grade. The more he played, the better he got. By high school, he and his buddies were pulling all-nighters.
“We’d play for really high stakes,” he said. “Like, who got to hold the TV remote, who had to pay for the pizza, who kept the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. Stuff like that.”
They even signed up for a strategy course and read the game’s Bible: “The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide.”
At that point, Bennett decided it was time to take on the world.
Monday, June 25, 12
Jocks and meatheads like rock. Women are partial to scissors. Nerds prefer paper. That’s how senior Bryan Bennett figures it, and he should know. Last October, he finished fourth over 500 other competitors in the World Rock Paper Scissors Championship in Toronto.
“There’s no trick to Rock Paper Scissors,” Bennett said. “Some people say it’s all about predicting what your opponent will throw. I say it about predicting what your opponent predicts you will throw.”
Bennett began playing Rock Paper Scissors in the third grade. The more he played, the better he became. By high school, he and his friends were engaged in all-night tournaments. The stakes? Who got to hold the remote control. Who paid for the pizza. Who kept the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated.
Paraphrase Bryan’s statement about meatheads.
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They even signed up for a course on strategy and read the Bible of Rock Paper Scissors: “The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide.” When they heard about the tournament in Toronto, they figured, “Why not?”
He lost to 28-year-old Kathleen King of Hanover, Massachusetts.
“I prefer to play against guys because I can read their body language better and I can play against their patterns,” Bennett said. “I believe no throw is totally random. A computer can generate a series of random numbers, but a person can never be completely random. So I try to detect a pattern, or at least a hint of a pattern. That’s all the advantage I need.”
Tossing a coin, he says, is random. “A lot of people think Rock Paper Scissors is luck,” he
added, “but it’s luck you can control.”
Paraphrase Bryan’s statement about meatheads.
Monday, June 25, 12
The Perfect 300 Word Story
It is easy to dwell on Jennieann Maffeo’s misfortune—she did not even work at the World Trade Center. But first, some words about the life she had.
She had the giving gene. She volunteered for all kinds of charities, helping children learn to read, raising money for juvenile diabetes research and regularly providing meals for a handicapped co-worker.
When her god-daughter was born, she was so eager to pitch in that she offered to baby-sit even though she had no experience with newborns. The result: a contented baby, diapered backwards.
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She was 40, single, and a senior programmer at UBS PaineWebber in New Jersey. That morning, she was waiting for a bus in the the shadow of the towers, one leg of her commute from her home in Bensonhurst to her job, when the first plane hit, dousing her with flaming jet fuel. She spent 41 days in a burn unit before dying.
“We had a short miracle,” her sister, Andrea Maffeo, said. “We were able to be with her. We talked to her, although she couldn’t talk to us. They said they had never seen more visitors in the hospital.”
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The Oracle has Spoken!
Bobby Hawthorne 2012
Monday, June 25, 12