Dealing With a Controlling Spouse is Not an

Easy Task!

“Are Couple's Discussions A Battle For Control?”

There are certain basic psychological needs we all share, and the way we pursue them tells a lot

about our relationships.

We all want to feel empowered and in control of our lives. To some extent, we want to be able to

tame our environment, both physical and social to give us what we need and, to this end, we will

seek to control situations and other people.

This need for control runs very deep and can play out in myriad ways, some subtle and some less

so: a child crying is learning to get her own way, a friend shaming his buddy to follow, a boss

bullying his employees.

For some men the need for control makes them view even intimate relationships as a win-lose

game. If the woman is venting her feelings, that puts the focus on her, then she is winning and the

man perceives the situation as going into territory out of his control, then he is losing it.

As a result these men may try to dominate and control the woman, by telling her demeaning

phrases as that she is illogical, out of control or just a pain to deal with because attacking his

“natural control.” One man says, "You want me to be a doormat."

It can be shocking for the female side of the couple, because as much intimacy and connection she

is looking for, she gets more rejection. What is difficult to see is the hidden need for control that

promotes his defensive one-up manship. Is not real superiority, but fear of losing control what is

promoting his reaction.

There is no point in challenging this ingrained concept in the middle of a squabble. The only way,

once things have calmed down, is to bring up the subject of control and domination as a practice

that can be maintained by the couple in a rotating basis: “today is your control day; tomorrow is

mine.” Preposterous as it can be from the male view of superiority, humor can help bring about a

soft, more tolerant view of a human need for control gone crazy.

Nora Femenia, PhD is passionate about supporting people's recovery from emotional abuse once and

for all. Nora has created a powerful set of tools for helping women and men break out of the mind-set

that keeps them trapped in a toxic relationship, by first discovering their unconscious beliefs and family

blueprints that prevent them from seeking their own happiness. To know more about her latest book

"Recovering From Emotionally Abusive Relationships" please visit

http://www.healingemotionalabuse.com