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Dealing With Difficult People

Facilitated by: Ron Morris

Our team is committed to providing you with an interactive learning experience that is relevant to your career and your workplace. We believe

that fun is conducive to learning and we look forward to your participation.

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It Isn’t You, It’s Me

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People are Different

Communication Styles Controls

Emotes

Driver Control Responsive Tell Assertive

Analytical

Amiable Expressive

Control Responsive Ask Assertive

Emote Responsive Ask Assertive

Emote Responsive Tell Assertive

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SOCIAL STYLE ModelTM

Analytical Serious Exacting

Indecisive Logical

Driving Independent

Formal Practical

Dominating

Expressive Animated Forceful

Opinionated Impulsive

Amiable Dependable Supportive

Pliable Open

TELLS ASKS

C O N T R O L S

E M O T E S

Key Characteristics of the Social Style

Analytical Need: To Be Right

Orientation: Thinking

Growth Action: To Declare

Need: Results

Orientation: Action

Driving

Growth Action: To Listen

Need: Personal Security

Amiable

Orientation: Relationships

Growth Action: To Initiate

Need: Personal Approval

Expressive

Orientation: Spontaneity

Growth Action: To Check

TELLS ASKS

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It Isn’t Me, It’s You…You Jerk!

Difficult People and Communication Breakdown

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Opinions

Beliefs

History

Opinions

Beliefs

History

Communication: Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning

Little Shared

Meaning

Significant Shared

Meaning

Communication: Fill the Pool of Shared Meaning

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The Need For Communication

Bad organizations –

Poor performers are first ignored, then transferred or fired

Good organizations – Directors eventually deal with the problems

Great organizations - Everyone holds everyone else accountable, regardless of level or position

Conversations Take Training • Pianists practice

the piano!

• Winnipeg Jets practice as a team

• Olympic Athletes train for years!

Conversations take training too!

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Definition:

Day-to-day conversations about tough

issues that affect your work life and team

performance

Courageous Conversations

Courageous Conversations

Courageous Conversations are the responsibility of the person who thinks

they have been wronged, or have knowingly wronged someone else.

• Keep emotions in check

• Address the issue, not the person

• Don’t involve third parties unless absolutely necessary

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Five Steps to Courageous Conversations

What are some things that are difficult to talk about?

• Giving feedback about behaviour either upward or downward

• Critiquing someone’s work

• Talking to a team member who isn’t keeping commitments

• Confronting a coworker who hoards information or resources

• Giving an unfavorable performance review

• Dealing with a personal issue such as substance abuse or personal hygiene

Some Potential Courageous Conversations

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“It’s time for a courageous conversation.”

2. Tell the Truth Fast – 3 Parts

• Before you begin, state your positive intentions. Focus on what you hope to learn, and the intention for the relationship.

• “When… (1 Sentence describing behavior or events).

• “Then… (1 Sentence stating the consequences, thoughts and feelings resulting from When).

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

~Mark Twain~

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3. Mutual Understanding

• Each person discusses their responsibility, position, or point of view of the situation.

• Skills required for Step 3:

Generous listening, clarification, and inquiry.

4. State Desired Changes

Each person states what they want.

What do I want?

What do you want?

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5. Find Common Ground

• Find a resolution to the issue at hand based on your common ground.

• Commit to a plan.

• Follow up on mutual agreements.

Tips and Tools for Dealing With Dips and Tools

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Lateral Violence

Bullying is ultimately about isolation. Isolation from

employees and making them feel inadequate. If this is so, then the antidote is working

together.

Avoid Triggers

• Take the high road

• Remain calm

• Don’t stoop to their level

• Don’t believe what they say

• Remain on the offense

• Don’t argue with a bully … it’s fuel to the fire

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Bullying

Dignity + Respect = No Bullying

The solution approach to address bullying is to promote its real enemy…

DIGNITY & RESPECT

Taking on Bullies

Lesson 1 – Expect the worst from bullies • The battle might be a long one. Bullies don’t give in easily.

Lesson 2 – Expect the worst from yourself • Challenging a bullying will make you feel unsure.

- Don’t lose perspective

- You are not alone.

- Expect to feel overwhelmed at the beginning.

It is worth it to keep on task.

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Taking on Bullies

Lesson 3 – You can win the “war” without ever winning battle

• “war” is for your self respect.

• Standing up to a bully means standing up for yourself.

Knowing what to expect is half the battle!

Uncover A Bully’s True Intention Step 1

Clarify by paraphrasing his/her statement

Powerful Questions:

• Is this what your saying?

• Did I hear you correctly?

• Let me sure I heard you correctly. Is this what you mean?

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Uncover A Bully’s True Intention Step 2

Demand clarification – Don’t let criticism go unanswered.

• Do you think that I’m being__________?

• So you’re saying___________?

• Why?

• I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.

Uncover A Bully’s True Intention Step 3

Aggressively Question the bully.

• Keeps the bully off guard.

• Ask questions rapidly.

• Cut the bully off and ask another question to further keep him/her off balance.

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Did I ever participate in bullying?

Did I support this kind of

behaviour?

Did I intervene if and when I observed it?

Self-Reflection

Gossip

Gossip is an Energy

Vampire!

• Makes people small

• Diminishes the person being talked about

• Diminishes the gossiper

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3. Leave the Room

4. Defend the person

being gossiped

about

5. Go to the source – “Is this true?”

1. “Pile On” – Increase the

Swirl of Toxicity

2. Stay in the room, but

keep silent

5 Ways to Deal with

Gossip

How We Deal With Stress

• 75% talk to family, friends, colleagues

• 50% experience a desire to resign

• 49% lose interest in job, disengage

• 23% use more sick time

• 35% use formal channels:

– 23% Human Resources Representative

– 12% Union Representative or professional organization

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Listening: The Hidden Tool

• The definition of listening is not waiting for your turn to talk

• Better listening can be learned

Listening is about wanting to understand

Thank You for Participating!

Interested in more professional development? Check out our website for more

information!

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