dealing with guilt

8/9/2019 Dealing With Guilt

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Guilt

The first rule of happiness is If you

like a thing, enjoy it.

There are only two reasons not to

enjoy something you like; fear and

guilt.

More than any other emotion, guiltputs a heavy burden upon us both

spiritually and mentally.

Guilt has been laid upon our

shoulders by many authority figures -

by parents, teachers, and friends; bythe media; by our government and

our educational and religious

institutions.

This burden of guilt is placed on us

for two reasons: to control, and/or topunish.

To understand guilt we must first be

aware of what precedes and what

comes after guilt. For guilt is part of a

threesome, accompanied by two


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fellow travelers, sin and punishment.

Lets define all three words.

Sin is a missing of the mark.

Guilt is a compulsion to repeat an act

correctly.

Punishment is a reminder that comesalong when the act is not repeated

correctly.

An Innocent KissA brief story illustrates how this trio

works together. Helen Moran had

been brought up to believe that

kissing a boy the first time she went

out with him was wrong.Helen is now twenty-two years old

and has forgotten that the original

programming of this belief came from

her mother when she went to a

friends birthday party at age eleven.


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On every date she is very careful to

keep her principles intact, and does

not allow even the most innocent of

kisses.

If she were to remember the incident

of the birthday party, she would recall

that although excited, she was

apprehensive as well.

Her mother was to drop her off at her

girlfriend Arlene Alberts house and

leave her there.

There were to be a lot of strange boysattending, and this was the first time

she had ever attended a mixed party.

As her mother laid down the rules to

protect her little girl, Helen felt a bit

of confusion about the entire event.

(Apprehension and confusion provide

a perfect breeding ground for

programming).

Now, Helen, darling, her mother


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began, I want you to remember that

you are a pretty little girl and some of

the boys are going to want to kiss

you.

Helens eyes opened wide as her

mother spoke. She drank in the words

from this great authority figure, the

source of all the good things in her

life.

Every word was accepted as gospel as

Helen concentrated, staring into her

mothers eyes.If any boy tries to kiss you, you are

to walk away from him. Do you

understand that?

Helen nodded solemnly as her mother

continued, What are you going to doif a boy tries to kiss you, darling?

Im going to walk away from him,

Helen responded, emphasizing each

word with a nod of her head.


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Her mother smiled and patted her

little girl. Thats right, dear, walk

away.

Remember this always, Helen. Never,

ever, allow a boy to kiss you the first

time you meet him or on the first

date. Remember that and you will

always be all right.

The line was drawn, the mark set. It

was sinful to be kissed on the first

date.

One day, many years later, Helenmeets her dream man and out the

window fly her principles.

They not only kiss but go in for some

heavy petting as well. She has missed

the mark that had been set. She hasshattered the commandment set by

the great authority figure, her mother.

Theres the sin (so far as Helen is

concerned), but where is the guilt?


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The next day Helen wakes up with a

smile on her face. But then there

is a nagging feeling of having done

something wrong. She feels uneasy

and her mind is split.

On the one hand she feels wonderful,

on the other terrible. She starts

thinking things like Loss of respect,

and How could I allow that?

She tosses and turns in her bed as she

analyzes the previous evening.

Time passes and the fellow doesnt

call back. Helen was all right, but he

has many other women friends and

she was just an incident in his life,

already forgotten.

But Helen doesnt forget. She is now

convinced that he did not call again

because of the terrible sin she had

committed in allowing him to kiss her

on the first date. (Thats her


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programming, remember.)

And now guilt enters the scene. Whydid I do that? she thinks. If only I

could undo it.

But how? The more she thinks about

the incident, the more energy she

gives it to strengthen the guilt.

Guilt is a Compulsion to Repeat the

Act Correctly

But the act has taken place. How canshe undo something that has already

happened? She cant repeat it

correctly. She cant undo what has

been done.

And so the third member of the triocomes in to torment her, punishment.

Actually punishment is simply a

reminder: Natures reminder that the

act had not been corrected.


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There are many different methods

that Helen can use to punish herself

for being a bad girl. She chooses

food. (Note: All the avenues one

chooses to punish oneself are below

the level of consciousness.)

Subconsciously she decides to fatten

herself up to make herself

unappealing to men so it will not be

necessary for her to tell them she will

not kiss them.

If she makes herself unappealingenough, there will not be many dates

with goodlooking men and it will be

easier for her.

She begins a regimen of eating high-

calorie foods and puts on more andmore weight.

In the meantime, on the conscious

level she is thinking, I must go on a

diet, I look horrible.

She goes on a dozen diets but nothing


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seems to work. Finally she

rationalizes her new look by thinking

something like, Well, some people

were just born to be overweight. She

doesnt realize that she is caught up

in the progression from sin to guilt to

punishment.

This story is, of course an

oversimplification meant to serve as

an example. We must remember that

our present society seems to admire

the emaciated look seen on so many

fashion-magazine covers.

Other countries and other times have

considered a bit more meat on the

bones to be more desirable and

healthier.

We picked weight as an example only

because so many people are weight

conscious. Beauty is in the eye of the

beholder, after all.

This example can be seen as symbolic


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of many other guilt-producing

situations.

What would the kiss represent in your

life? And what would be your

equivalent of overeating?

Now let us examine the sin, guilt,

punishment trio from a differentperspective, one component at a time.

First there is the sin.

An outside agency, such as a parent,

an institution (religious oreducational), a peer, the government,

or the media, sets a mark for you,

telling you that this is the way it must

be.

If you do not follow the rules that arebeing laid out for you, it is implied,

then you are doing something wrong

and you will be punished for it.

Generally these rules are set before a

young and growing mind, the type of


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mind that is most receptive to

information.

Upon hearing these rules from the

great authority figure, an

impressionable child accepts the

information as valid, and so all the

thou shalts and thou shalt nots

take root.

The young person who does

something that violates a rule feels as

though he or she has done something

wrong has, in fact, sinned.Then there is guilt. Nature has

installed within the human framework

a great many fail-safe systems, such

as intelligence, self-awareness, and

guilt.When we feel that we have missed

the mark, that we have done

something wrong (sinned), then we

experience what has been placed

there by nature, a compulsion to


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repeat the act, but this time correctly.

It is not possible, however, to repeatmost sinful acts, which range from

the benign sin of eating something

that you were not supposed to eat or

failing to be nice to your mothers

brother when you do not particularly

care for him, to a host of complicated

shalts and shalt nots that have

been set by outside agencies.

These guilts or compulsions to repeat

begin to build and are ultimatelyreleased in a punishing action.

Unfortunately, the punishment does

not necessarily fit the crime, nor

does it absolve the individual.

Punishment is simply natures littlereminder, her way of saying, Say,

you didnt do that correctly. How

strong is the punishment? That

depends on the degree the individual

feels he or she has missed the mark; it


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is totally relative to the individual.

On the physical plane (and were notrelating this now to spiritual sin

and guilt), a person killing a butterfly

may feel more remorseful and carry a

heavier burden of guilt than the same

person would killing a human being.

For that individual the killing of the

butterfly is the greater sin, if he or she

believes it to be a greater sin.

For most of us, the reverse would be

true, but in any event the degree ofpunishment sought is relative to an

individuals own perspective of guilt.

Guilt Follows Sin, PunishmentFollows Guilt

Just as surely as night follows day,

guilt follows sin and punishment

follows guilt.

When the guilt has not been released,


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then the reminder, punishment, enters

the scene, usually in the form of

limitations. Individuals with guilt

piled upon burdensome guilt tend to

limit themselves in life, feeling I

only deserve X. I only deserve so

much money. I only deserve so much

good health. I only deserve so muchin the way of a home, of a spouse, of

friends, of clothing, and so on.

These are self-imposed limitations

that the individual is scarcely aware

of, all stemming from unresolvedproblems.

Sin and guilt are imaginary in that

they reside in the imagination.

Theyre mental. Punishment is mentalas well, the difficulty being that while

sin and guilt are mental aspects,

punishment manifests on the physical

plane.

How can you neutralize guilt? You


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switch your viewpoint. In this case

were neutralizing the negative

effects of guilt. The negative effect of

guilt

is a condemnation of ones self. The

opposite of self-condemnation would

be self-forgiveness. Therein lies the

key to overcoming guilt.

How easy.

How difficult.

To Forgive is To Let Go Of The

Idea Of Punishment

Its easy to say Forgive yourself.

But before forgiveness must come

understanding.

Know that whenever you dosomething, whatever it is, you are

doing your best at that time. We

always do our best.

At no time do you ever go out and say

Im going to do the worst I can.


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Even when you want to do something

badly, you still do your best to do it

badly.

Say that somebody you respect asks

you to do something. You agree, but

dont do the thing you promised to

do, and then you feel guilty about it

later.

At the time you didnt do it there

were reasons you didnt. They may

have been subconscious, or they may

have been conscious, but whateverthey were you can bet that reasons did

exist.

Given the same emotional state, given

the same circumstances, the same

mood, the same you, given the sameopportunity, you would have done (or

not done) exactly what you did (or

did not do) the first time around.

The very fact that in the present you

might feel you had done something


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wrong in the past is a measure of your

maturity. You have grown, you have

evolved, you are more aware, you are

more mature.

Of course, the new mature you

looking back at some past error, some

past missing of the mark, can say,

That was dumb, why did I do that? I

wouldnt do that today.

Of course you wouldnt do it today.

Youre not the same person you were

then.With your greater awareness and

maturity as resources, you recognize

the

thing now as an error you will not

commit again.Know this: whatever you do, you do

your best. Whatever you did in

the past, given your resources of that

time, could have been done in no

other way. Theres nothing to feel


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remorseful about. Theres nothing to

feel

guilty about.

The fact that you do feel guilt is an

indication that you have grown to the

individual you are now. You may

forgive yourself for all of your past

error, for you are a different person

today.

Forgive yourself, for you could have

done it in no other way. Forgive

yourself, for you will not do thatagain; you are more mature.

If twenty thousand angels with twenty

thousand Bibles in their hands were

to attest to the new you and forgive

you for all your past misdeeds, yetyou remained unforgiving of yourself,

then you would not feel forgiven.

On the other hand, should the whole

world condemn you and you forgive

yourself, then you would feel


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forgiven.

The key lies within your ownimagination, for this is where sin,

guilt, and punishment reside, in that

image-making capacity of your mind.

Imagine that you have forgiven

yourself and you will be forgiven.

Forgiveness is simply giving up the

desire to punish.

The Diminishment TechniqueIf a particular incident is hampering

your growth, go to your center and

review the event.

Go over it thoroughly just as you

remember it happening. Put a framearound the thought and compress the

frame until the scene is diminished.

When the frame compresses to the

size of a bean, imagine it


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disappearing in a poof!

Bring the event to mind once again.This time imagine how you would act

with your present resources.

Picture the incident with the actions

of a new, more mature you. Focus on

the scene. You can forgive yourselfbecause you have grown to a new

awareness (proof of that is the guilt

you felt about the incident in the first

place), and with awareness comes the

realization that you wouldnt handlethe event in the same way again.

You are your actions. You now have

new actions and are a new you.

While at alpha say, I forgive myself

for all my past actions. I no longerhave

a need to punish myself.

From this moment forward, I will be

the best me that I know how to be.


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When you come out of level, live

your life the best way you know how.

Be the best you that you can be.

dealing with guilt

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