Death and Dying

Introduction

FEAR!

Fear of the UNKNOWN Fear of the unknown toilet seat!

Fear of the UnknownFear of the Unknown

1.1. Fear creates greater anxietyFear creates greater anxiety

2.2. Not facing reality will only make it worse Not facing reality will only make it worse in the long run.in the long run.

3.3. Fear is of the unknownFear is of the unknown

4.4. Unknown Unknown KNOWN = eliminate anxiety KNOWN = eliminate anxiety

Examples:Examples:– Fear of the darkFear of the dark– Fear of the “unknown toilet seat”Fear of the “unknown toilet seat”

Fears associated with deathFears associated with death::

1. Loss of life1. Loss of life Leaving loved onesLeaving loved ones Unfinished businessUnfinished business Giving up our Giving up our

possessionspossessions

2. Process of dying2. Process of dying Losing controlLosing control IndignityIndignity Pain or DiscomfortPain or Discomfort

3. Death itself -- 3. Death itself -- AfterlifeAfterlife

UnknownUnknown Possible punishmentPossible punishment Possible annihilationPossible annihilation

4. The Dead4. The Dead GhostsGhosts Evil spiritsEvil spirits

What can dealing with death and dying teach us?

1. To make sense out of life – How would life be different without death?

2. Prepare (wills, burial plots, etc.) REMEMBER: Preparing won’t make it happen!

3. Help us deal with “little deaths” that occur throughout life. If we can face death we can face anything. (“I’ll get through this.”)

4. Help us to live life to the fullest!

Why North Americans can more Why North Americans can more easily deny death:easily deny death:

1.1. No war on our own soil.No war on our own soil.

2.2. No public executions.No public executions.

3.3. Longer life-span. (makes us further Longer life-span. (makes us further removed from death).removed from death).

4.4. Removed from mainstream living Removed from mainstream living (nursing homes, hospitals, etc.)(nursing homes, hospitals, etc.)

5.5. Society glorifies youthSociety glorifies youth

Denying death:Denying death:

1.1. The use of The use of EuphemismsEuphemismsEuphemism = substitution of a mild or Euphemism = substitution of a mild or

roundabout word or expression for another roundabout word or expression for another felt to be too blunt, distasteful, or painful.felt to be too blunt, distasteful, or painful.

2.2. Cryonics MovementCryonics Movement – One of the – One of the greatest examples of the denial of death greatest examples of the denial of death in our modern societyin our modern society

Grief Grief is the intense emotion that

floods life when a person’s inner security system is shattered by an acute loss, usually associated with the death of someone important in their life.”

Grollman

““Grief Work”Grief Work”

Grief Work is necessary because part of Grief Work is necessary because part of us has been invested in another – and us has been invested in another – and we must retrieve that part of us that was we must retrieve that part of us that was lost.lost.

Grief Work involves:Grief Work involves:1.1. FacingFacing2.2. BreakingBreaking3.3. ReplacingReplacing

You are not replacing the PERSON, just the activities You are not replacing the PERSON, just the activities and the human (earthly) interaction.and the human (earthly) interaction.

Preparing for Grief

1. Education (Example: this course!)

2. Philosophy of Life Must be broad enough to include a

“philosophy of death.”

3. Build sound community practice\ Wakes, funerals, etc.

Emotions Associated with Grief1. Fear – of being alone2. Guilt

a. Neurotic Guilt - Guilt feelings out of proportion to the cause

b. Existential Guilt – Sense of human inadequacy in the face of death (can lead to self-pity)

3. Angera. Directed Outward (anger at others)b. Directed Inward (depression – angry at self)c. At Godd. At the person

4. Emptiness5. Frustration & Helplessness

WHO DO WE GRIEVE FOR? OURSELVES!

“Abnormal Grief”

• Experiencing these mood changes and emotions (anger, fear, guilt, etc.) after approximately one month.– Widows and widowers may take longer

Discussion Questions

1. If you knew that you were terminally ill, what would be the greatest fears you would experience (physical and emotional) and WHY?

2. Make a list of the things you would do if you knew you had a limited time to live. Give reasons for your answers.

3. Which fear from the list of “fears associated with death” frighten you the most? Why?

4. How well does your family deal with death?

Baby Shower for Problem Pregnancy

Diapers Bottles Clothing Etc.

Also: TEST Thursday or Friday

If you found out your time on this earth was limited:

1. List the things you would do.

2. List the things you would stop doing.

3. What would concern (frighten) you the most?

4. Describe your vision of the afterlife.