debate on women

7/24/2019 Debate on Women

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There is always a big question as who's lifestyle is easier: stay-at-home moms or working

moms? It is for sure that both types of mothers work very hard, but what is better for a

woman, to stay at home with kids, or to work is very hard to determine. o let's dig a little

deeper and find out all the pluses and minuses for staying at home or working while being a

mom.

!nyone who has "hildren, espe"ially infants and toddlers, will know and agree that this is

not an easy task at all. #eeping up with "hildren is very tiresome and is equal to working a

full time $ob. There is a "onstant attention that kids require, no matter whether they need to

read a book, wat"h T%, eat, play or go for a walk. In addition, women have do the work

around the house "leaning, "ooking and doing laundry.

ome e&perts in early "hildhood development believe that parental "are "annot be

substituted by anything, in"luding day"are, babysitter or nanny "are, or even a relative "arefor a "hild. There were two studies published in ((), one "ondu"ted by the *ational

Institute of +hild ealth and uman evelopment and the other by the Institute of +hild

evelopment of the niversity of /innesota, that found that "hildren who spent all day long

in day"are "enter were likely to be e&posed to more stress and more aggression than kids

"ared for at home.

tay-at-home moms have the opportunity to dire"tly supervise the "hild's "are, making sure

it is in a familiar, "omfortable, rela&ed, and nurturing environment. They have the

opportunity to be in tou"h with their "hild on a regular basis, and are able to witness the

"hild's emotional and physi"al "hanges. They are given a better "han"e to be the first to see

anything new that happens in a "hild's life. ome mothers "onsider staying at home with

kids as 0the most rewarding "areer0 that one "an ever imagine to have.

1or some families, it is, in fa"t, less e&pensive for one parent to stay home rather than to

pay for a day"are or to hire a babysitter. They also benefit, in their words, by avoiding the

stress from unsatisfa"tory $ob. taying home gives women more time to spend with "hildren

and a spouse, and at the same time to maintain the home. 1or many families it is a better

way to keep the family life running smoothly.

2ut the life at home is not always that perfe"t for many women, and the ma$or reason for

that is loneliness. 1or those used to work and being surrounded by other "o-workers,

"olleagues and friends at work, the "hange of pa"e "an lead to stress, and sometimes to a

deep depression. 1or those who were happy with their work and tried to build a "areer, it

might even "ause the feeling that they are losing their identity. The self-esteem suffers if

they do not feel the appre"iation of their boss or "olleagues. /any women also prefer


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"rowded busy offi"es to diaper "hanging and laundry, whi"h they "onsider as boring and

upsetting.

!s to working moms, unfortunately, they may not have the opportunity to spend as mu"h

time with their "hildren and spouses as they would like to. It is very stressful for many

women who do not have any other "hoi"e and have to work in order to keep both ends

meet. 3n the other hand, they have their own in"ome and bring home a regular pay "he"k

whi"h means more independen"e, freedom and a little e&tra money to spend. They "an

make their own de"isions about money and pur"hases, and they know how the money is

being spent.

It is better for many working moms to use their potential, knowledge and abilities at work

rather than to stay at home. 1or them, intelle"tual stimulation, problem solving, and "oping

with "hallenges in"rease feelings of self-esteem and self-"onfiden"e. If mom is happy and

"hallenged in her own life, she has a better "han"e to provide a happy and "hallenging life

for her "hildren. 4hen women are fulfilled in themselves, they have mu"h more to give to

their kids. /odern women were raised to fulfill themselves intelle"tually, finan"ially, and

so"ially, and very few might feel "omplete and satisfied if they give all that up to stay home

with small "hildren.

To be a working mother is surely a hard task. !fter spending the whole day at work they

have to "ome home and "lean, "ook, do laundry, and everything else. nless they have a

housekeeper or some other kind of helping hand, they have to do all the work by

themselves. 4orking moms deserve a big respe"t for their strength and energy to be able toperform their $obs everyday.

1a"tors su"h as finan"ial stability, work availability, spousal support, passion for work, kid's

age and health play a big role in the de"ision to be a working or stay-at-home mother. 2eing

a mom, in general, "an be tough enough sometimes, let alone having daily "hores and

responsibilities. The "on"lusion is, no matter what they have de"ided in their lives, all good

mothers deserve a big applause and respe"t $ust as mu"h as anyone else.


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Are Stay-At-Home Moms Better?

+an we really have it all5 a "areer, the good life and parenthood?+an parents afford to raise a "hild on one in"ome?ow "an new parents de"ide whether to work or stay home with the kids.

#ristie Tamsevi"ius, author of I 6ove /y 6ife: ! /om7s 8uide to 4orking from ome saysthat the answer has never been "learer. in"e eptember 99, ((9, people are going ba"kto basi"s. 1ueled by frustration with their "urrent work environments, people long to spendmore time at home with their families. This desire has led millions of parents to saygoodbye; to "orporate !meri"a and hello; to a work at home "areer.

3ne of the toughest de"isions you fa"e is whether you will stay at home with the "hildren orgo ba"k to work. 1inan"ially, it "an be diffi"ult to make the swit"h to living on one in"ome.!dditionally, women often wonder if they are sa"rifi"ing their "areer by "hoosing to stay athome.

*ew parents are overwhelmed with the onslaught of "hild relating e&penses in"luding babygear, "lothing, diapers, and medi"al bills. In fa"t, a""ording to the .. epartment of!gri"ulture, raising a "hild from birth to age "osts


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mothers "an develop a lasting bond with their "hildren. This bond "reates a stronger senseof se"urity and well being within the "hild.

#ids en$oy other benefits too. /oms "an provide a more varied diet and better nutrition.!nd "hildren re"eive more mental stimulation when one on one sharing time with mom.

ow "an moms learn to live on less and stay at home with the kids?hopping smart saves money. Thrifty minded moms "ut "oupons, look for sales, and buy inbulk to "ut "osts. /any families are learning that a simple life beats the pressures of tryingto keep up. 2y setting a lower standard of living, you "an learn to en$oy the simple things.ou tea"h your "hildren that wealth lies not in material possessions, but in the $oy of living.

4orking from home "an help parents to have the best of both worlds:pre"ious family time and e&tra in"ome.

tatisti"s show that today7s working people are eager to say goodbye;to "orporate life and say hello; to the $oys of working from home.4orking from home offers a variety of benefits in"luding being your own boss, fle&ibility, theultimate offi"e spa"e, no "ommute, in"reased "ontrol, time with family, and the sheer $oy of

designing your own business and life.

@ntrepreneurship offers thrills, stimulation, "hallenge, and a new powerful "hoi"e-drivenreality. It provides an option for single parents and families struggling with family and"areer "on"erns. It7s allowing dads to quit the A-to-B grind and stay at home with the kids.It7s providing a new "han"e for people who have been laid off or ki"ked out of the "orporatesystem. It7s providing a new in"ome-earning opportunity for people who "an7t live on theirretirement funds alone.!t-home "areers offer an in"ome for people with disabilities who have trouble finding $obs inthe traditional workpla"e.

o realiCe that as a parent, now you don7t have to de"ide to work or stay at home, you "an

have both: a "areer and time with your kids.

Kristie Tamsevicius, is the author of "I Love My Life: A Mom's Guide to Working fromome"! Thousands of asiring entrereneurs have used her ste#$y#ste home $usiness

system to earn money %orking from home& Get a free ecourse ome usiness (uccess(ecrets at %%%&We$mom)&com

Cuepacs chiefs sexist remarkBy IZATUN SHARI

PETALIN !A"A#Wanita MCA and Wanita Gerakan are appalled by the gender-biased statement

by Cuepacs secretary-general Ahmad Shah Mohd Zin, who complained about the upward trend of

female employees in the ciil serice, as well as his alleged complete misreading of goernment

policy on the issue!
http://www.webmomz.com/http://www.webmomz.com/


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Wanita MCA chairman "atin #aduka Chew Mei $un said Ahmad Shah%s condescending and

chauinistic statement demonstrated sheer disregard and disrespect for women and their

contribution to nation-building!

She said it also reflected an utter lack of understanding of the actual state of female representation

in decision-making positions and the implications of gender dynamics!

&'t is shocking for a leader of an organisation which represents ciil serants to e(press such a

blatant gender-biased position,) she said in a statement *uesday!

Chew was responding to reports about remarks by !hmad hahe(pressing concern oer the

increasing female profile in the ciil serice, saying it would hae long-term implications on the

progress and growth of the nation!

+e was also uoted as saying that women ciil serants tended to be infle(ible and rigid, and thus

were unable to proide effectie and friendly serice, besides their need to go on long leae aftergiing birth!

Chew said Ahmad Shah%s inaccurate statement showed sheer disrespect for the Goernment%s

intention of increasing women%s participation in decision-making in Goernment institutions and

public administration bodies!

&*he Goernment%s efforts in achieing at least ./ of women in decision-making 0positions1 would

be futile if such gender-biased mindsets continue to permeate society,) she said!

Chew said that Ahmad Shah did not fully comprehend the national policy!

*he Cuepacs secretary-general had said that almost three uarters of new posts in the

administratie and diplomatic serice were being filled by women, claiming that this was &contrary to

the present goernment policy to resere only ./ of decision-making posts for women!)

*he actual goernment policy is to hae women in at least./ of decision-making posts!

Chew said Ahmad Shah%s inaccurate statement was tantamount to &sheer disrespect towards the

Goernment !!! and its international pledge to the 2334 5ei6ing #latform for Action to ensure women%s

eual access to and full participation in decision-making in goernment bodies and public

administration entities!)

She noted that according to Gender Gap 'nde( 7..3, Malaysia%s oerall rank had dropped to 2.2

last year from 38 in 7..9!

:choing Chew%s sentiment, Wanita Gerakan deputy chief ;g Siew


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&We should not worry too much about the current dominance of female employees in the ciil

serice! *his is the nature of progress of society! +oweer, we must also take measures to

encourage males to become ciil serants,) ;g said!

#ublished= Monday $ebruary 77, 7.2. M>* =.3=.. #M

?pdated= *uesday $ebruary 7, 7.2. M>* 9=43=.9 #M

Cuepacs c$%cer%e& a'$ut (fema)e

&$mi%a%ce( *Up&ate& +ith reacti$%s,

-UALA LU.PUR#Cuepacs is concerned about the &increasing dominance) of female employees in

the ciil serice, saying it would hae &long-term implications on the progress and growth of the

country!)

'ts secretary-general Ahmad Shah Mohd Zin said on Monday that the trend now was that more

women officers were being appointed to important decision-making posts!

$or e(ample, almost three uarters of the new posts in the administratie and diplomatic serice

0#*"1 were being filled by women, he said, adding that this was contrary to the present goernment

policy to &resere only ./ of decision-making posts for women!)

0*he actual goernment policy is to hae women in at least./ of decision-making posts! -- ED1

*he teaching profession was also dominated by women, he added!

According to +uman @esources Minister "atuk "r S! Subramaniam, the ratio of male and female

teachers was .=.!

Ahmad Shah said that while Cuepacs appreciated the Goernment%s gender euality policy, it

neertheless wanted it to be implemented with great care so as not to &upset the balance between

male and female employees!)

+e said both males and females had their own strengths and weaknesses and they should balance

each other for the good of the serice!

+oweer, the ;ational ?nion of the *eaching #rofession 0;?*#1 secretary-general im #hengsaid that although there were more women teachers, the decision-making process in the education

serice was dominated by men!

She said women teachers were performing ery well and proiding uality education to children!


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She suggested that the ministry recruit more male teachers in certain areas like sports, physical

education, and co-curricular actiities, saying that the ideal would be a 4.-4. ratio for male and

female teachers!

'n PUTRA!A"A, #uteri ?mno e(pressed regret at the statement, saying that Cuepacs% concern was

unfounded and &showed the shallow thinking of its leaders!)

#uteri ?mno chief "atuk @osnah Abdul @ashid Shirlin said the moement belieed that the

appointment of more women to the #*" was supported by their ability and would not hae a long-

term impact on the deelopment of the country as claimed!

She told 5ernama that Cuepacs should instead look into factors which led to fewer males in

decision-making posts, especially from the aspect that women outnumbered men in institutions of

higher learning!

She also said that the ./ decision-making posts resered for women only inoled high-rankingposts in the administration, which had yet to be reached, and did not apply to other posts, including

new #*" posts!

She said Ahmad Shah should rethink his statement which did not take into consideration the

contributions of women to nation-building simply because he could not accept the fact that there

were now more capable women than men!

uteri ?mno beliees that the inolement of women in whateer field is based on merit and should

be balanced with that of men,) she added! B 5ernama

(D!ug

(E

n air= Should women stay at home after allD

2yhelenmaguire9BF +omments

+ategories: 1irst thing

Tom is our presenter today, and has written this:

up, it7s a man who is writing this. 2ut before you say, hah typi"al, read this.

! study by +ambridge niversity has found that in"reasing numbers of men and women

believe working /ums are having a negative impa"t on family life. The suggestion is "areer
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and family "an7t "o-e&ist. #ids suffer. 4hat do opinions like that mean for women7s rights 5

was gender equality $ust a flash in the pan?

Glenty of strong opinions on the 22+7s ave our aysite.

3r why turn the question on its head: Isn7t it about time men started staying at home? !nd

doing their fair share around the house 5 in Italy men spend on average an hour a day on

household "hores, a woman in full-time employment spends D hours a day doing

housework.

6ook at "andinavia. 4omen there seem to manage both "areer and "hildren. on7t they?

!""ording to this arti"le, it7s not the generous welfare handouts, but gender equality that

makes this possible. 4omen "an "ombine $obs and kids, be"ause the men are pit"hing in.

Tom

9. 4e "annot ignore innate differen"es between the genders. 4omen are born the with mindset

of mother while fathers are not. owever depending on the so"ioe"onomi" "ir"umstan"es in whi"h

the woman finds herself, she may "hoose to stay at home or not.

Gersonally, I always like to see women be independent and I would never date, mu"h less marry a

woman who is not. 4omen are human beings $ust like men and are therefore entitled to the same

priviliges and rights but also to the same H@G3*+I2I6ITI@.

9. Arnaud Ntirenganya Emmanuel

!ugust D, ((E at 9=:==

ello Tom,

I want to believe that this pra"ti"ed about A( in !fri"a where women even those who are employed

"lose from work with their head in the air $ust heading at home to res"ue the situation while men head

at drinking pla"es.

Heply

. Melanie Chassen

http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?forumID=5203&edition=2&ttl=20080806135040http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/29/magazine/29Birth-t.html?_r=1&partner=rssuserland&pagewanted=all&oref=sloginhttp://worldhaveyoursay.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/should-women-stay-at-home-after-all/#comment-56712http://worldhaveyoursay.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/should-women-stay-at-home-after-all/?replytocom=56712#respondhttp://worldhaveyoursay.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/should-women-stay-at-home-after-all/#comment-56713http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?forumID=5203&edition=2&ttl=20080806135040http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/29/magazine/29Birth-t.html?_r=1&partner=rssuserland&pagewanted=all&oref=sloginhttp://worldhaveyoursay.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/should-women-stay-at-home-after-all/#comment-56712http://worldhaveyoursay.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/should-women-stay-at-home-after-all/?replytocom=56712#respondhttp://worldhaveyoursay.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/should-women-stay-at-home-after-all/#comment-56713


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This will definitely be a tou"hy sub$e"t. 4hether a woman Jor a man for that matterK stays at home

with their "hildren instead of pursuing a "areer is simply a parenting "hoi"e. I think we are all probably

a little biased based on our own upbringings. /y /om stayed at home L not be"ause she wasn7t

interested in a "areer Jshe was part of a su""essful advertising "ompanyK but be"ause there were

several fa"tors in our household so it $ust made more sense. !nd my /om was happy to do it. The

question is, did I benefit from my /om being at home? ure I did. 2ut I don7t think this argument

should be about "hoosing one side or the other. There is a middle ground. I envision having "hildren of

my own one day. !nd I would like to a"hieve a balan"e between raising my kids and my work. /aybe

it means working part time or from home until they7re old enough to go to s"hool. 3r maybe the man

I marry will be the one to work out of the house while I "ontinue to work full time. In this situation,

you "an have it both ways.

Heply

). Michael Chung in Hong Kong


4ell, I don7t think there is a bad effe"t on a "hild if the mum works. Take my "ase, without my mum

around me =MF, I feel myself more independent and more responsible than my s"hoolmatesNN

Heply

=. Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9=:B

I think women should have a "hoi"e whether to work or stay at home. ome women have to work and

others do not. 4omen that stay at home are usually sa"rifi"ing finan"ially to stay at home. 4hile

women that work are sa"rifi"ing time with their kids to work. There are women that work and are able

to still raise their "hildren and some men are staying at home, while their wife works. I personally

would rather stay at home while my kids are young. I realiCe that I would suffer professionally but

that is a risk I would gladly take.

!dditionally, women must realiCe that there may be differen"es in pay if you work and have kids. !

man may make more money and should if he "an performs a better $ob than the women and is

available more than the women is able to be avaialable.
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Heply

B. immy !i"son in Mu#ress"oro$ ennessee

!ugust D, ((E at 9=:BB

I think it is time for men to stop thinking that this is a so"iety in whi"h women have to be submissive

to the men. If a woman wants to work, then she should be allowed to do so.

Heply

D. ste%e

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:((

!s teve /artin said in Garenthood, women have "hoi"es, men have responsibilities.; *ot suggesting

that staying home and raising kids isn7t a responsibility, but in all honestly, how many men have the

option of not working? I know if I don7t work, I7m homeless. *obody is going to provide for me.

Heply

F. Arnaud Ntirenganya Emmanuel

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:(9

ello Tom,

4omen who e&er"ise liberty out of their home are seen as harlots, while to see men who stay at home

and help their wives JfamiliesK here in !fri"a it7s very hard e&"ept those with western ideology Jlived

thereK.

Heply

E. &arth guragain

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:()

here in *epal men e&pe"t women to stay at home.women are treated as slaves in rural area of

*epal.if the so"iety is to progress rapidly women should look beyond their four walls of house.

Heply

A. Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:(D
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!ssuming that parenting is a partnership and that the parents are sharing finan"es with ea"h other

Jwhi"h they would probably doK the man has $ust as mu"h of an option as the women of not working.

There7s nothing wrong with the woman being the primary breadwinner in a family and the man staying

home to raise the "hildren. It7s no different than if the woman stayed at home L it7s simply $ust not

what so"iety is used to.

Heply

9(. nelsoni

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:9E

trike a balan"e, motherhood and "areer will go hand in hand without "onfli"t of interest.

Heply

99. 'o"ert

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:9A

I don7t believewomen should stay at home but I do believe that a parent should be at home until the

"hild is s"hool aged at least, and perhaps even 9(. 4hether that7s the ad or the /other or both

alternating depends on the family situation.

Heply

9. Brett

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:)

I7m not a fan of both parents working and pawning the "hild off on day"are providers, friends or

relatives. !t the same token, I wouldn7t e&pe"t my wife Jif I were to get marriedK to be the one to stay

home. 4e "ould weigh the pros and "ons, who makes more money to provide for the family, and if she

"an provide better than I, I would be happy to stay at home with my "hild M "hildren.

Heply

9). Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:D

O 2rett,

4ell put. /y sentiments e&a"tly.
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12/96

Heply

9=. Nic( in )SA

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:A

4hat a hornet7s nest of a title that is. I think the real question is: oes one parent need to stay home

with the "hildren, in order to raise them properly? To this, I would answer, yes. !s /elanie noted,

marriage is a partnership. oes it really need to be mum who stays home? 4hy not dad? If mum has

a better "areer, then it should be dad.

Heply

9B. 'o"ert E%ans


Hob I agree with you that the "hildren should have someone looking after them. !lthough I think if the

mother is in a an important $ob then it should be her husband who looks after the "hildren. !lthough

nowerdays both parents have to work be"ause they both have important $obs. This means that the

grandparents of the "hildren if in good physi"al and mental health. This situation happened when I

was younger be"ause both of my parents had $obs.

Heply

9D. gary


*o doubt about it, "hildren fare better in the "are of someone who has vested interest in their future

happiness. 4hile it doesn7t need to be a loving mom or dad, good results o""ur if it is, and better if

this responsibility is equally shared. 2est results happen if the so"iety understands its intersts are

served by meeting the needs and fa"ilitating the a""omplishments of every "itiCen, in"luding those

who wear nappies.

g

Heply

9F. Asad*Ba"yl

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:)D
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13/96

I thought all of you de"ided not to have any more kids be"ause the sky is getting polluted and is in

grave danger of falling?

Heply

9E. troo&

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:=(

/y wife is the main bread winner. I work and have a tiny pension. 4e have an 99 year old son. oes

very well in s"hool. Is a loving and good boy, happy as a lark.

The important thing is we always en$oyed him. e knows he is loved and valued above all else. e is

very affe"tionate.

4e also live in a great area by the sea. There are no bad peer influen"es upon our son, su"h as gangs,

and or $ust aggressive people.

4orse is welfare state, where mothers get pregnant out of wedlo"k, and have men stop by for their

share of welfare money, and the single mother has multiple "hildren by different fathers. /other is

stay at home, but there is no solid "hara"ter instilling going on, usually in slum areas or pro$e"t

housing set up for the poor.

#ids really do need two parents, male and female to raise with good intent, love and observe their

folks being, honest, fair, helpful and generally good.

troop on 3regon "oast

Heply

9A. +ulie ,

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:=

This is a de"ision that is made by two people in a "ommitted marriage, if either partner de"ides to stay

and take "are of the "hild or "hildren, then that is their de"ision, along with if parents de"ide to work

our of the home. In either "ase both parents are still responsible from welfare of the "hild or "hildren

regardless of the de"ision.

Heply
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14/96

(. Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:=B

I have met several men that would not marry a women if she didn7t work, even if they had "hildren.

They thought that a woman that stayed home was selfish. It used to be normal for a woman to stay at

home while the man worked. I wonder why people think that philosophy should or "an no longer

apply.

Heply

9. Dight in Cle%eland

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:=B

The trouble is that this question is pro&imal, but not related to the problem at hand. in"e 44II we

have went from a""epting women in the work pla"e, to e&pe"ting them. Today in the you have to

have in"omes to get by. This "reates a situation where "hildren are being raised by various

unreliable sour"es. That in turn leads to unreliable adults. 1or the best results to the benefit of the

"ommunity, a "hild needs one parent at home. The only matter of whi"h gender is whi"h one is best

suited for it. owever, to do that would mean a drasti" e"onomi"al stru"ture "hange where one in"ome

would be enough.

To be honest, the father not being home is only e&isted as a "ommon family stru"ture for less then

9( years.

Heply

. Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:=A

O !sad

o we really want to open that "an of worms again? haha5

Heply

). A"delilah Bou(ili

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:B(
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15/96

It7s an ideal that women should stay at home to take "are of their "hildren, but this "an7t be possible

without a pri"e as they are going to be denied the opportunities they "an get through work. Today it is

be"oming in"reasing rare for a woman in a developed "ountry to be finan"ially dependent on her

husband. In developing "ountries, many male workers and "ivil servants who have a low in"ome prefer

to marry a working woman to "over finan"ial needs.

The other "hanges "on"erning women is that a lot of them are now single mothers. It will be

impossible for many of them to stay at home, as they need a $ob to take "are of their "hildren.

It7s up to women to "hoose whi"h is best for them, to be full-time mothers or part-time workers to

"ome to terms with the finan"ial needs to raise a family.

Heply

=. Nic( in )SA

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:B9

O Garth

Gut frankly, that is quite appalling. Gerhaps the situation will "hange now that *epal is a republi".

Heply

B. Dra(e Weideman!ugust D, ((E at 9B:B9

I think an important point is, that like everything in life, the more time, energy, effort and attention

invested in something Jin this "ase, "hildrenK, the better the end result. 1or a so"iety to be stong and

prosper long term, its "hildren should be very "arefully nourished P "ared for5treasured, as they are

the future.

I believe that ea"h "hild deserves a lot of time invested and for that to happen, someone should be at

home with the "hild5whether it is the mother or the father should be up to the individual family

situation JI don7t believe in Qone siCe fits all7 solutionsK.

I believe that many "hildren brought up in homes with working parents are very su""essful, but I also

think that the odds for their su""ess greatly in"rease with a "aring, attentive parent present.
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16/96

If, due to money or life "ir"umstan"es, a parent will not be able to stay at home with a "hild, then a

63T of thought should go into whether that family should have a "hild.

Heply

D. +ulie ,

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:B)

O!ngela,

4omen have been holding down paying $obs outside of the home for a very long time. I have

do"umentation going three generations ba"k of this on my mother7s side of the family. In fa"t, my

mother7s mother was the breadwinner in the family.

Heply

F. che"uret/00/

!ugust D, ((E at 9B:BF

*owadays, there is little attention given to "hildren by parents be"ause the parents are busy Qworking7.

3n one hand, a wife "an stay home and take "are of the home and "hildren. 3n the other, the "ost of

living is so high that the man being the sole bread-winner is a daunting task.

o, for me, this an issue that should be handled at the domesti" level by the spouses. They "an sort it

out through "onsensus.

/y wife has a full time $ob like me. I appre"iate her "ontribution, parti"ularly when things are tough.

Heply

E. Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:(

O!sad

That was hilarious, but true

Heply

A. Melanie Chassen

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17/96

O $"heburet((

I would $ust like to point out that your "omment that nowadays, there is little attention given to

"hildren by parents be"ause the parents are busy working; is Jin my opinionK a misunderstood

generaliCation. It I possible to be a working parent and still be able to be attentive to your "hildren.

It7s unfortunate that the generaliCation given to working parents is that their "hildren automati"ally

suffer. That is not always the "ase. There is a middle ground here JI mentioned in an earlier post the

possibility of a parent working from homeMpart time until the "hild is old enough to be in s"hool during

the dayK.

Heply

)(. +ohn in Salem


The heart of the question is about "hoi"es and "onsequen"es. Things like gender equality and equal

rights are great "on"epts but they are *3T free.

If you "hoose to have "hildren then T@ are the top priority in your life, and if you have made that

"hoi"e without thinking it through or using only the logi" of, it7s my right;, or, everyone else manages

to do it;, then it7s your "hildren who will pay the pri"e.

es, men need to a""ept more responsibility for maintaining the home, and yes, it7s near impossible to

raise a family on one in"ome, but those are not simply realities that have to be a""epted L they are

fa"tors that have to be "onsidered when making the "hoi"e to have a family.

!nd if you "an7t imagine what your answer might be in 9( years when someone asks you, 4hat were

you thinking?;, then you7re not ready to make that "hoi"e.

Heply

)9. Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:(D

O>ulie G

I realiCe that some women did work. ! ma$ority of women did not work in the early 9A((7s. The

women in my family worked also but they worked be"ause they had to work. !lthough I think my

grandmother $ust wanted her own money be"ause my grandfather was "heap. /ost of my relatives


18/96

think I am stupid for wanting to stay at home when I have kids, if I am able to. I am truthful to myself

and to the people I date. /ost of the people I have dated would never want to stay at home but they

would perfer their wife to stay at home when they had kids.

Heply

). 1iay Srao

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:(F

Isn7t that why there is maternity leave?

The more generous the maternity leave and the better the "hild "are provision is the more "ivilsed a

"ountry is ,look at the "andanavian "ountries.

es men and women should be able to have it all ,have a fulfilling $ob and en$oy time with their

families.

Heply

)). amily2

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:9=

Otroop,

4owN too many stereotypi"al "omments to address.

I would and have stayed home nourturing my "hildren.

I saw it as my responsibility.

!nd, I gladly sa"rifi"ed for it.

+hildren need to be raised by family and not "hild "are workers.

It is important that if the woman works, Jas so many have pointed out for e"onomi" reasonsK that she

make time to bond with her "hildren.

es, this is also true for the father.

2ut, I felt that it was paternally optional, but maternally ne"essary.

>ust be"ause I have the right to do something does not mean that it is good for me andMor my family.

4hy would we be setting ourselves ba"k a "entury Jor soK if women stayed at home?

taying at home, "aring for "hildren, does not equal work that should be less valued.In fa"t, the idea

that women would be turning the "lo"k ba"k by staying home is a bit offensive and I feel quite


19/96

ba"kward.

it suggests that "hild rearing is unpleasant and undesired by most women and it puts more value on

out of home work.;

The well being of the "hildren should "ome before any "areer de"ision and should be dis"ussed way

before "hildren are "on"eived.

Heply

)=. Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:9D

O >ohn in alem

%ery well put. If people make the "hoi"e to have "hildren, they should a""ept the responsibility of

raising them. nfortunately, people don7t all have the same viewpoints about how "hildren should be

raised. 2ut that is a whole other argument5.

Heply

)B. Nic( in )SA

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:9F

as the "ost of living really "hanged that mu"h, sin"e the times when a man "ould be the sole bread

winner? 4hy has it "hanged? I agree, it is nearly impossible for the average E year old man to earn

an adequate in"ome to "over the "osts of his wife and "hildren. I had enough trouble "overing the

"osts of my wife and myself. The bloated housing market "ertainly doesn7t help the situation either.

!re we $ust living beyond our means and e&pe"ting too mu"h, or is simple survival a"tually more

diffi"ult now?

O !sad

id anyone "laim the sky was falling?

Heply

)D. Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:9A

O>ulie G
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20/96

I $ust wanted to say that I agree with your earlier post. The de"ision to stay at home or not resides

with the "ouple but they are both responsible for the welfare of the "hild.

/y un"les and father were the bread winners. They took some responsibility with the "hildren but it

was ultimately the woman7s responsibility.

Heply

)F. +ulie ,


O!ngla,

I will sppeak for myself, I "ome from a working andMor middle "lass ba"kground, women from those

ba"kgrounds have traditionally worked outside of the home. I believe that what is taking pla"e with

women working outside of the home is a "lass issue.

If you want to be a stay at home parent, and it is agreed to between you and your spouse, then that

is your de"ision. owever, I have had the same e&perien"e as you haveR the men I meet want a

woman who holds down a paying $ob outside of the home. /any have stated it is a waste of a

woman7s mind not to.

Heply

)E. 'o"ert

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:)

%i$ay

/aternity leave is less than a year. Gaternity leave is weeks. 4hat do the family do for the remaining

= 9M years before s"hool starts is the question? 4ould you suggest that "ompanies keep women on

paid leave for possible a de"ade to have a family Jsay three or four kidsK ? I "ould imagine last night

guest having a few "hoi"e words about that.

Heply

)A. amily2

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:=


21/96

O%i$ay,

*o, people "an7t always have it all.;

In every situation there are good and bad "onsequen"es.

a"rifi"e is part of parenthood and why not?

o we $ust want things so easy that we "an always do what we want all of the time and think that

things are fine?

4hen we have "hildren, someone will have to take a signifi"ant amount of time out of their days to

raise them S far past maternity leave.

The parents must de"ide if they want to raise their own "hildren or have someone else do it for them.

Then, they will need to take the "onsequen"es of their a"tions.

If I "hoose to stay at home with my "hildren, then I "an7t "omplain about my de"ision.

imilarly, if I "hoose to give my time and energy to my "areer instead of my "hildren, then, I "an7t

"omplain when my "hildren are more independent than I believe ne"essary or when they bond to

other individuals.

Heply

=(. Anthony

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:D

hould the woman stay home? 3f "ourse, how else are pies going to be made and dishes aren7t going

to "lean themselves. I mean, whats ne&t, they7ll start reading, then get opinionsN?N?N?

The truth is, the .. system is set up so that if you want to live "omfortably, a family will need a

se"ond form of in"ome. I envy the past when you "ould support your family off of a minimum wage

in"ome, but it7s all been "hanged.

-!nthony, 6!, +!

Heply

=9. sushil

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:D


22/96

that is the narrow "on"ept

but

widely pra"ti"al

sushil bhatta

nepal

Heply

=. ste%e

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:F

O !ngela

6ot of men don7t like dealing with golddiggers. It7s no fun to be a walking !T/ ma"hine. 4here I live,

there plenty of women driving around in 2/4s, that have no kids, that don7t work at all. These men

are funding those lifestyles and then will have a 8@ alimony payment when they ultimately get

divor"ed. 2y providing for a woman, you open yourself to finan"ial hell in divor"e.

Heply

=). Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:A

Owight

ou stated the father not being home is only e&isted as a "ommon family stru"ture for less then 9(

years.;

4hat e&a"tly do you mean by that? /en generally worked and women generally stayed at home with

the kids going ba"k hundreds of years.

Heply

==. Brett

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:)

* Asad

+id anyone caim the sky %as faing-
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23/96

+hi"ken 6ittle? /aybe he has that mi&ed up with 4? shrugs

6et him take things to the e&treme, its amusing

Heply

=B. sushil

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:)B

that is the narrow "on"ept

but

widely pra"ti"al < used

sushil bhatta

nepal

Heply

=D. Asad*Ba"yl

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:)A

*o one is adressing my very reasonable post way up top. I guess that7s be"ause we7re pretty mu"h on

the same page when it "omes to upholding women7s freedoms, but also lament frequent e"onomi" and

so"ial obsta"tles preventing them from spending more time with the kids.

Heply

=F. ste%e

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:)A

O !ngela

4hat e&a"tly do you mean by that? /en generally worked and women generally stayed at home with

the kids going ba"k hundreds of years.;

undreds of years ago, pretty mu"h the ma$ority of $obs were $ust produ"ing enough food so you

didn7t starve. They didn7t have offi"e $obs really ba"k then, so you didn7t have a "ommute or go very

far away. 2oys would normally help their dads out in the farmyards. 8irls would help too, as well as


24/96

learn domesti" duties. Hemember, it wasn7t really possible to travel that far from home ba"k in those

days be"ause the fastest method was by horse.

Heply

=E. amily2

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:=(

!gain,

omehow women staying at home is seen as ba"kward or not fulfilling her full potential.

4hy is that?

o I need to have a "areer to be validated as a woman?

o I need to a"t $ust as "areer-oriented men do, to be taken seriously?

I guarantee you that raising "hildren tea"hes you lots about people and a"tivity management.

!nd, a good mother is always using her brain to tea"h the "hildren and get everything done that is her

work.

4hy is raising "hildren looked down upon?

/y sister is a fulltime nurse and her husband stays at home with the "hildren.

They have done this for at least Fyears and she is quite su""essful. he pulls in the bu"ks.

Haising "hildren and housework bores her.

he is not very maternal.

o, it works for them.

o, how many of you see this position for a man worthy?

4ould you, as a man, find it immas"ulating?

Heply

=A. ste%e

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:==

O $amily

I think the point is you "an7t have both. ou "an7t both be a +@3 and be a mother if you want mentally

balan"ed and happy "hildren. ou have to pi"k one or the other. #ind of like how I "an7t pi"k to not


25/96

work or I will wind up on the streets. 6ife isn7t all fun and games and you "an7t have the dream life,

be"ause it7s only a dream.

Heply

B(. 3u"na

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:=A

i gang N 5 /en in general are not as good "hild "are providers as women are, espe"ially if the

"hildren were in the infan"y and the early "hildhood period5To me the most adorable and lovely noise

in this world is the noise of an infant "rying, while Jand I am talking from a personal e&perien"e

here K, many men "annot stand su"h a noise for a long period of time5 4ith my love5 ours forever,

6ubna5

Heply

B9. amily2

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:=A

Oteve,

2ut, that is pre"isely what I am saying to %i$ay.

et, it does seem that in some posts, here, that mothering is not seen as a real $ob,; whi"h requires

mu"h mental "apa"ity to do it.

4e are sa"rifi"ing one "areer for another.

omehow parenting JmotheringK has been portrayed as an easy; and mindless; profession whi"h is

devalued.

If my husband was the bread winner and I stayed at home, I would want both of us to see it as an

equitable partnership.

Heply

B. 1iay Srao

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:B(

3n !ugust Dth 9A=B in iroshima when the @nola 8ay dropped 6ittle 2oy,did it make a differen"e

whether women were at work or at home with their kids?

OHobert O$amilyB
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26/96

6ast nights female guest was a bit of a wit"h.

There are "ountries whi"h provide pre-natal, post natal ,nurseryM#8 "are for their "itiCens .It all

depends how you want to spend your ta& dollars where does you so"iety put its emphasis.!meri"ans

pay federal ,state and lo"al ta&es and do not get mu"h for their money and their priorities are

squewed.

O

Heply

B). Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:B(

O teve

4hen you say that you "an7t have both Jbe a +@3 and a parentK are you referring to single parent

families? I think it is very possible to have an e&tremely su""essful "areer and be a great parent, but

you need the support from your spouseMpartner to fill in the gaps for ea"h other. In single parent

families a"hieving both these things would be mu"h more diffi"ult.

Heply

B=. 4560a

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:B

hello everyone

Uuite a "ontroversal topi".

i think human beings are built a""ording their requrements.Therefore there are some works whi"h

women are not "apable to doJheavy worksK be"ause they are not built with the substan"e provided to

that parti"ular work.but yes there should be equality between both the se&es espe"ially when the work

"an be done by both.the problem with equal pay between men and women is an e&isting problem in

the mordern world.

thankyou

Heply

BB. ste%e
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27/96

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:B=

O /elanie

4ell, if you were wealthy, you "ould $ust hire a nanny, and both parents "ould work. 2ut then you7ll

have distant "hildren, it7s not in their best interest, and given that the vast vast ma$ority of men work

and are e&pe"ted to work and not be stay at home fathers, a woman "an7t both be a +@3 and raise

kids at the same time. she would need someone else to do it like a nanny, and that7s not really good

for kids, unless you want your kids to be strangers and never feel very "lose to you. o again, you

either "an be a parent or a +@3, but not both. Gassing your kids off to a nanny isn7t parenting;. It7s

delegating the $ob to someone else.

Heply

BD. +ens

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:BB

is this a seriouse question?

of "ourse women should stay at home prefereably "hained to the stove and out of the rea"h of the

remote "ontrol, so that they "annot wat"hMlisten any T%Mradio or read newspapers giving them ideas

of developing their own thoughts and a"tions.

is this a seriouse question?

Heply

BF. +ens

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:BF

%i$ay,

look how little ameri"ans pay in ta& "ompared to other "ountries with better so"ail networks, like

norway, sweden and even switCerland.

as usual you get what you pay for, e&"ept for the # where pay for what you have voted for, a bun"h

of buero"rats that line their and their mates po"kets.

Heply
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28/96

BE. Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:BF

Oteve

Geople have to be very "areful with the people they marry. /ost of my friends would want to work

when they have kids be"ause they don7t want to be a typi"al stay at home mom. I would love to stay

home if I have kids but I would never dream of being married and not working, with no kids.

ou always dis"uss these golddiggers but the men get with these women. ou do not seem like the

type of individual that would ever deal with a woman like that, so you don7t have to worry about it. I

know several men that are with real golddiggers but they get into the situation and love it while things

are going well. 4hen the relationship turns sour, they be"ome digusted with the women. I know this

guy who is dating this girl and when she met him she said that she only dated athletes or people

involved in illi"it a"tivities. he is about to have a kid by this man, who plays professional football. he

is a true gold digger but he doesn7t "are or "an7t see it. I don7t know whether to feel sorry for him or

not be"ause she is definitely going to take him to the bank and she has said it to people around him.

owever when people tell him these things, he thinks they are lying. In a situation like that the man is

responsible for what he gets. I do not think you resemble this person.

Heply

BA. Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:BE

O teve,

True, ! mother or father "an7t be a +@3 and raise their "hildren at the same time. 2ut a G!H@*T "an

Jassuming here that there is a partnershipK. If the parents "over for ea"h other, there is no need for a

nanny, and the parents "an still have very su""essful "areers.

Heply

D(. Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9D:BA

O >ens,
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29/96

I agree5 I think the question would have been more effe"tive if phrased does a parent need to stay

at home in order for "hildren to be properly raised?; This does not apply to women alone.

Heply

D9. Dictatore !enerale Ma7 Ma7imilian Ma7imus 8

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:(D

U: hould women stay at home after all?

,re#era"ly yes9If one looks at *ature it is the female whi"h does the mothering or most of the

mothering. In some spe"ies both the male P the female share the responsibility of feeding P

prote"ting the offspring.

1or humans and in our "urrent state of thinking and being the "on"ept of a Qhouse husband7 is okay

tooN

The KE:point is: Is the welfare of the kidJsK paramount in the minds of the parentJsK? ;'is the

lifestyle, QparentJsK right7 to pursue a "areer, et". more important?

2ased on my personal observation homes whi"h have a stay at home mother have


30/96

ituation also varies from "ountry to "ountry in terms of the population. 1or e&ample, ingapore has a

total population of about ) million plus Jnot "ounting the foreigners working hereK. !s su"h I see that

many or most households have a working mother and father. If this wasn7t happening there wouldn7t

be enough ingaporeans to fill in the available $obs. The unemployment rate in ingapore is very very

lowN

!s usual and like most issues it is a very "omple& issue with elements of feminism, rights, and needs

of the so"ietyMthe "ountry, ideal environment for the kids and so on.

Heply

D. ste%e

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:(D

O !ngela

ure, in some "ases, if it7s painfully "lear she7s a golddigger, then yes, he sort of deserves what he

gets. 2ut I know plenty of guys who got married to women with su""essful, good paying $obs, and

soon after marriage, they de"ide to quit or work part time, meaning he7s supporting her Jeven with no

kidsK and ifMwhen she divor"es him, the "ourts take the lifestyle he provided into a""ount in the

alimony, despite her ability to work and make her own money. If you elevate a woman7s standard of

living, the "ourts will punish you for it.

I feel very bad for this one friend of mine who married a foreign woman. e doesn7t make mu"h

money, has a government $ob, but his wife is pestering him to get a higher paying $ob. he was a

lawyer, but quit to be a tea"her Jhen"e the gender pay gap mythK, she works only a little bit. /y friend

is going to wind up getting a $ob he hates, having a kid, and getting divor"ed and having to pay

alimony to a woman who "omes from a wealthy family.. he pressures him very mu"h to work in fields

he won7t like $ust to get a bigger pay"he"k. 4hen he married her, @ was a lawyer.

Heply

D). Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:(F

O/elanie


31/96

I realiCe that some woman "an have a good "areer and be a good mother. /any times the $ob or the

"areer will suffer. I do not think you "an have a hugely su""essful "areer and spend the quality time

you need to spend with your "hildren, in most $obs. /y auntie worked part time while her "hildren

were young and then started working full time when they were in high s"hool. he has had a very

su""essful "areer but she had her kids young and my un"le was the bread winner and still is.

Heply

D=. Elias

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:(E

2efore 4orld whi"h started in 9A)A it was an a""epted fa"t that women stayed at home and men

went to work. /en generally were employed in nearly all industries wether it was T%, radio, fa"tories,

managing offi"es and the like. The war took men away from their work pla"es and women were

needed to fill their pla"es, espe"ially in armanents fa"tories and other instituitions. !""ordingly more

women went to work and from then on it was an a""epted fa"t that both men and women worked so

that the in"ome be"ame two fold, hen"e they "ould more afford to meet household e&pen"es, as a

result families moved into better houses and afforded a better standard of life. That was all very well,

as a "onsequen"e women were more independant met other men and the opposite is true, from then

on more and more devor"es resulted with "hildren living with one parent. owever a su""essful

marriage is when a man is working and meeting all e&pen"es whilst his wife is "ontent in staying home

with the "hildren whi"h is not often today. 3n the other hand if a man is not working and his wife is,

so that she alone meets all e&pen"es, the marriage is doomed to failure and heads for devor"e.

4ether you agree or not this is generally a fa"t in life.

To make another point in "andinavian "ountries where a woman stays at home doing the usual

"hores and men work, for some reason or other, men usually tend to be too affe"ionate with their

"hildren and in many ways mother their "hildren so that his wife gets psy"ologi"ally depressed and

feels not needed, "andinavian men are pit"hing in mu"h to mu"h without knowing it.

4here as before the 4orld 4ar, few devor"es resulted. 4e "alled this QGH38H@7.

Heply

DB. amily2

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:(A
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32/96

Omelanie,

The problem is that in most "ases, a parent "an7t always be home.

1or most "areers to blossom, people usually have to put more than the Ehour day in.

a mother and a father "an7t both be +@3s of a "ompany and raise their "hildren.

There is $ust not enough time.

!nd, there will be times when "areer "lashes with "hild responsibilities.

If you "hoose "areer, then you are putting it first and distan"ing your "hildren.

If you "hoose "hildren, then, you are, in effe"t not putting the effort needed into "limbing the ladder.

Garenting is a $ob, in itself.

There are going to be sa"rifi"es: it is $ust a matter of who; will be making them.

Heply

DD. Shaun in Hali#a7

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:99

If the question is 36 women stay at home;, then my answer is no. It is a +3I+@ to be made

and "onsidered by ea"h family.

If the mother feels she7d rather stay home and raise her "hild, then more power to her. If there are

nearby grandparents or immediate family that don7t mind looking after the "hild for a bit beforeMafter

s"hool so the mother "an work a little, that7s fine too. owever we shouldn7t for"e a woman to stay

home. That7s $ust plain silly.

!nd on the topi"s of stay-at-home dads. It7s not "alled Glaying /ommy; or /ister *anny; it7s "alled

2eing a 1ather.;

Heply

DF. amily2

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:9=

Osteve P !ngela,

ounds like your friends would have benefitted from a prenup.

!nd, it does not have to be as harsh as people make it out to be.


33/96

Heply

DE. +ens

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:9F

@lias,

4here do you get the idea that in s"andinavian "ountries woman stay at home???????? thes "ountries

are some of the most eman"ipated ones in the world, where equality is mu"h more advan"ed than say

the usa or uk.

both men and women get time off after the birth of a "hild.

you must be talking of a different s"andinavia than i know

Heply

DA. Melanie Chassen

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:9F

O !ngela,

I agree. I think it7s important for us all to remember that if one "hooses to stay at home or not

advan"e as far in their "areer be"ause they are raising a family, this should not be viewed as a

sa"rifi"es Jwhi"h has a negative "onnotationK. 6et7s be general for a minute: I7ll assume that people

who have "hildren, made the "ons"ious de"ision to have them and are happy with that "hoi"e. If I

were to go without a "ertain amount of su""ess in my "areer be"ause I was "reating a balan"ed

environment for my kids, I wouldn7t see this as a sa"rifi"e be"ause it7s something I would want.

Heply

F(. +ens

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:(

tve et al,

the dis"ussion of +@3 of a "omany and beeing a mother is futile. how many "eo7s are out there?

dis"ussion simpple $obs from working in a supermarket to working as an a"ademi" or tea"her of

"raftswoman makes sense.


34/96

i am very well edu"ated and a fa"ulty, but the position of +@3 is way out of my rea"h. let7s say real

here.

women "an have e&"ellent "han"es in having a "hild and a "areer. i see it in my enviroment. it7s $ust a

matter of how mu"h @%@H3*@ is willing to parti"ipate, and yes parti"ipation also requires a sa"rifi"e.

Heply

F9. Angela in Washington D.C.

!ugust D, ((E at 9F:9

Oteve

i remember you referred to this situation before. I think it is bad when you go into a relationship

getting things out in the ope

debate on women

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