DECEMBER 2015

nuçi’s space396 Oconee StreetAthens, GA 30601706.227.1515space@nuci.orgwww.nuci.orgwww.facebook.com/nucisspace

Design & Layout

Larry Tenner

“This is how I tell it, oh, but it’s long…”— Jeff Tweedy

Sometimes a story takes a while to tell, espe-cially when it comes to the inevitable twists and turns of

a life’s journey. In compiling the following real life accounts of how Nuçi’s Space has helped people, there was a temptation to edit for brevity because, let’s face it—who has the time, let alone the atten-tion span, to read 1000 word sto-ries these days!

The thing is, though, when we take the time to listen and really get to know someone on a deeper level, we have the chance to connect in ways that just aren’t possible without investing a little time. With that said, the follow-ing accounts are being left almost entirely unedited. We wanted to give these stories a chance to be heard in the person’s own words and style in the hopes that, through the details that take a little longer to explain, maybe you’ll get a clearer picture of the many different ways Nuçi’s Space impacts people.

So please, do us (and yourself!) a favor dur-ing this busy holiday season and keep this email at the top of your inbox. These uplifting tales of hope, redemption, and victory over very real

struggles might just end up being five to ten of the most inspiring moments of your day.

Dave Chamberlin

the newsletter for nuçi’s space, a nonprofit musicians’ support/resource center

“Nuçi’s Space Hope” drawing by local artist Brianna Wells

And use it when you shop at Amazon, you will be supporting us every time you shop.

When you shop at AmazonSmile,Amazon donates 0.5% of the purchase priceto Nuçi Phillips Memorial Foundation Inc.

All you have to do is bookmark this link:smile.amazon.com/ch/58-2409414

Nuçi PhillipsMemorial Foundation

Board of Directors

President: Helen Herring

Vice President: Lisa Allen

Secretary: Amy Coenen

Treasurer: temporarily vacant

David BarbeBarrie BuckTodd EmilyDrs. Jon & Nadine Forché

Jack JonesEllie MacKnightDr. Bill OrrDr. Charles MixsonLinda PhillipsMelissa & Keyes Williamson

Anna & Ken Zankel

Founding Family

Linda PhillipsDr. Pierre PhillipsKP Devlin

Legal Counsel

Jim Warnes

Executive Director

Bob Sleppy

Nuçi’s Space Staff

Chris ByronLesley CobbsDebbie WatsonKristie GreeneDave ChamberlinGlenn ReeceJoe LinehanMikey HeptinstallBobby Gray

Recent DonoRs

August 24, 2015–November 23, 2015

Akridge, Ben & JoiAthfest, Inc.Baston, JamesChalmers, GaylaCreamer, MeaghanDBT Recording, Inc.Emily, ToddFrye, SpencerHanna, DustinKitchens, JamesKrohn, Vonda Dree ChurchLewis, JenniferLewis, SharonLichtman, Dr. & Mrs. JeffreyLowery, David & Velena VegoLuken, ChrisMassey, JoshuaMcCoy, DavidOrdonez, Dr. & Mrs. CarlosPattavina, DeniseRanck, Brian & AlysonRoth, Ira & JulieSeskin, Stephanie

Smith, Steve & KellySommer, MarcSpalding, MargieSpitzer Family FoundationStortz, Jeff & BrookeStreahla, Jimmy & LauraTeam ClermontThomas, KeciaThompson, JodiTomlinson, WilliamWales, MichelleZeiler, Marlene & Mike

In Honor of Finley SleppySleppy, Janet

In Memory of A. Nuci PhillipsZhepova, Fildes & Drita

In Memory of Carl LindbergFlat Edge PressGraduate HotelHale, DavidJorgensen, ErikWright, Trey

In Memory of Corrina Louise Lowe

Nash, Mark & Cindy

In Memory of David BraunBraun, Josh

In Memory of Devin WilesDibona, FrankWatford, Rachel

In Memory of Elissa HadleyHadley, Cecilia

In Memory of Garrie VereenBandstra, JoshDearwent, SteveForche, Jon & Nadine

In Memory of Jamie ToulanJoiner, Mr. & Mrs. Hank

In Memory of Mark PierceKing, Harold W.

In Memory of Peter E. LauxLaux, Joyce A.

In Memory of Robert “Newt” Carter, Jr.

Hadley, CeciliaHill, JanettePowell, Mr. & Mrs. Fred

Wilfong, Thomas

In Memory of Ted HaferGreene, Jessica L.

In Memory of Ted Hafer & Vic Chestnut

Sugiuchi, Chris & Deirdre

In Memory of Vic ChesnuttHersch, Kristen

In Kind DonationsAllen, TrentBailey, ScottBell, JohnByron, JoelCleary, BrendaElliott, AnneGuitar CenterHolcombe, BenHolcombe, SonnyHowe, GageKitchens, JimMolloy, BridgetMulchrone, KathyOwens, AllenRudow, LarsWells, Brianna

An Inside Perspective from The Space

I came to America anticipating I would be immigrated in 6 months and working in 6 months and one day. After those 6 months passed it became apparent it was going to take consider-ably longer and throughout that time I could not legally work. It eventually took a total of 4 years!

I started going stir crazy when that 6th month hit, and so started looking for somewhere to volunteer. Music or museums were my first choice. I quite fancied myself archiving beautiful pieces of art or antiquities locked away in dusty vaults never seeing another person for weeks on end. I quickly found that Athens doesn’t have those so turned to music and Nuçi’s Space stood out like a beacon. I enjoyed vol-unteering at Nuçi’s Space for those 4 years.

I have lived with dysthymia (depression) since childhood and it has brought about many side effects from agoraphobia to severe pain, from anxiety to the more usual being sad and moody. At times it is easy, other times not so much. I used Nuçi’s Space services, desperate and terri-fied at the prospect of going to see another doctor who would give me another incorrect diagnosis

and incorrect meds to go with it. But I had been volunteering at Nuçi’s Space for so long I couldn’t see how they would work with anyone not trustworthy.

Dr. Orr was a joy, the sessions were about me for my benefit and his care at balancing my meds and ensuring all was well was something I have never seen before. I went to see a counselor too and worked on my problems as best as I could. When I finished I knew that if ever I needed it again I had a safety net. I was so glad I was able

to get the help I needed when I needed it. I have had a couple of destabilizing

moments since, especially when my youngest daughter Corrina took her own life, but Nuçi’s Space has my back and I attend many of our SOS (Survivors of Suicide) meetings.

I really appreciate going through the Nuçi’s system not only to be well

again but now I can assure our clients that our partners in the community are

second to none and from my own experience I know that they are going to receive the best care available.

I have been at Nuçi’s Space now for 8 years or so and love the fact that I get up and think, yay I’m going to work today!

Lesley CobbsCounseling Advocate

David Barbe Remembers Nuçi Phillips

Nuçi Phillips was a great guy.Visitors to the Space see his picture

on the wall and know the basics of his story, but that’s about it.

He was a sensitive guy; funny as hell, full of self-deprecating humor. The thing that made that part of his personality so endearing was the para-doxical nature of it. With many people, self-deprecation is a mechanism for disguising flaws. In Nuçi’s case, he was a smart, talented, handsome guy who was genuinely loved by everyone I encountered who knew him.

He was a blazing gui-tarist. His rig was a PRS guitar and a Mesa combo amp that was way too loud for its own good, but Nuçi liked it loud enough that he could immerse himself in a wash of sound. The notes he played would be more audible today if there was less distortion, but that never seemed the point to me. He wanted to lose himself in the music. The thing about super distorted amp tones is that lots of people use them as a mask to hide the shortcom-ings in their playing, as blurred images are more forgiving than crystal clear ones. In the case of Nuçi, it was as if he was hiding his greatness behind it.

The guitar playing was secondary to the songwriting. His musical ideas were unique, passionate, thoughtful, and reflective of his real personality. Underneath the layers of distortion, you can get to know him. The songs are a view into someone who was thoughtful, reflective, melancholy, and searching for something more.

He was a great friend. Everybody that knew him was truly fond of him, as it was pretty hard not to be. In fact, I

can’t ever remember anyone ever being less than complimentary of Nuçi at all. He was the kind of guy I felt like I could ask for help with anything and he would do it without thinking twice.

All of these great qualities made his decision to take his own life that much harder for me to accept at the time. When his mom called me a couple of months later and told me her idea, that she wanted to do something to help others like Nuçi—musicians in need, and those struggling with depres-sion—I was all in. I was aware that suicide is the kind of thing that can destroy families, but here was Linda Phillips taking her own family’s tragic loss and turning it into something positive for others. How could I not be

involved with that? How could I not be a believer in the mission? To me, that’s where the rubber meets the road when it comes to Nuçi’s Space. We are beyond fortunate to have such a resource here. We are beyond fortunate to have an opportunity to get involved.

Nuçi’s Was On My Mind

From the beginning of my life, I did not feel worth much. My first stepfa-ther was abusive. When I was 3 years old, I saw him reach for a knife to stab my mother in the stomach. I blacked out. He stabbed her multiple times, but she survived and soon left him. The

thoughts of not wanting to live plagued me early in life. The first thoughts of suicide took place when I was only 7.

We went to church when I was 7 years old and they said that if I was saved, I would go to heaven when I died. At that point in my life, I was already ready to die. Life was too pain-ful already. At 7 years old all I could get my hands on was a knife and could never muster the strength to drive it through my chest. I just wanted to die and go to heaven. Life was painful and miserable even after my mother remar-ried and from the outside it looked like I should be ok.

I was committing small crimes and smoking weed, drinking and popping pills by the age of 12. I only made it

to 13 years of age before I had a shotgun in my mouth ready to do the job again. That same year (when I was 13) my mother left to go to rehab again and I was at my lowest bottom. I had my 13th birthday earlier that year in a rehab. I used when I got out. Then I quit smoking cigarettes and pot on my own again and I was absti-nent and miserable. My two older sisters moved out at 14 and 15 years old, my mom was gone, abstinence didn’t

work and I was stuck with a man and two brothers that were not my blood family. I was alone.

I became a convicted felon at 15 as well. That same year (when I was 15), I was pointed in the direction of 12-step recovery after another two trips to rehab. I finally stayed clean from 15 on, but I have fought depression and thoughts of suicide coupled with unsuccessful relationships and unsuc-cessful careers and bands ever since.

When I was 26 years old, my girl-friend at the time and I, moved to Athens to join a band. We were a dys-functional couple with an age gap and her damaged childhood was probably worse than my damaged childhood and I think that that made matters

If you are looking for unique Christmas gifts we still have“Reconstruction of the steeple” bricks for sale!

ContACt KrIstIe Greene for more InformAtIon At kristie@nuci.org

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even worse for us. We could not make it in a band and we could not make it with each other.

We were not happy and rarely went long without misery. I was kicked out of the band before any shows or tour-ing, after only six practices because my girlfriend and I could not get along.

Shortly after that, my girlfriend left me and took everything in the house that was hers’ with her, including the car.

I wound up sitting in a closet of the house under a strong bar built for clothes hangers with a belt around my neck ready to do the job yet again. I could not do it. I could not kill myself at any age that I tried and really wanted to. I could not do it at 7, 13, or 26 years old. I could not do it! I took the belt off of my neck, stood up, left the house and walked. My girlfriend who left that day had our only car and I walked. I walked from East Athens all the way to Nuçi’s Space.

I had been to Nuçi’s Space before and that was all that was on my mind that day after I decided not to hang myself. I remember going there one day weeks before with my girlfriend and finding out what they were all about and I must have felt that they could help me because that is where I walked to the day of my very last attempt at suicide.

That day a very helpful, open, invit-ing and trustworthy staff member quickly took me and all my problems into a conference room and let me talk. They let me cry, they did not let me die. They sat with me for 2 hours. They spoke only positive encouraging words. They did not let me die that day and set me up with an appointment for counseling immediately. They kept me on the line, called me back when they said they would and connected me with a counselor.

We soon learned in counseling that I needed to see a psychiatrist as well and that was a turning point. At some point I needed a break from all the depression, the stress, the unhealed

child abuse, and fight or flight default mechanisms that I lived on for so many years, many of which ended in outbursts of yelling, throwing things or verbal abuse and of course, suicidal thoughts. Counseling, along with psy-chiatry and continued 12 step work in a 12 step fellowship, provided that turning point.

Years, later, and after staying clean from 15 years old on, I may not be alive without the help I received from Nuçi’s.

I have never left 12 step recovery and it is by far the most effective tool against addiction and alcoholism on the planet, but I needed outside help. That outside help that I needed came from Nuçi’s Space. They saved my life.

I am now 33 years old with 18 years clean and happier than I have ever been. I continue to work the steps, attend meetings, and I answer one of the 12 step recovery addiction hotlines for the city of Austin, Texas on Sundays. I have peace in my mind and peace in my soul from the abuse and pain, both the pain and abuse that others have caused me and the pain and abuse that I have caused my self. Freedom from the pain and guilt of being alive has left me. I am supposed to be here! And you are too!

The Reconstruction of Charlie

I moved to Athens over a year ago after years of substance abuse and dete-riorating mental health. I was terrified, lonely and unemployable. In my mind I was soul-broken and useless. I needed a place where I could feel safe and my sister told me to get involved with Nuçi’s space. I went and told Lesley Cobbs about what I was struggling with, that I was trying to find some sta-bility in my mental health, clinging to the lowest rungs of sobriety and asked how I could get involved.

I thought all I was good for was sweeping or cleaning windows, but she told me I could work at the front desk answering the phone, booking practice rooms and making coffee. I felt valued. Then, even after hearing about my recent past, she took twenty dollars out of the cash register and asked me to go buy milk for the coffee bar. I don’t think she thought twice about it, but it blew me away. I felt trusted.

I started volunteering one day a week, then two days a week and I had found a place where I felt not only safe, but valued and trusted. Just as I was

watching construc-tion workers flit in and out of the space, reconstructing the legendary steeple next door, I watched

as my life was reconstructed around me, stronger and more beautiful than ever. The safe feeling I had in Nuçi’s space leaked into the rest of my life. I no longer fear the world, and for this I owe a lot of thanks to Nuçi’s Space and all involved.

Charlie

Camp Amped In Action

Nuçi’s Space, to me, is a home with open doors. The first time I came to Nuçi’s Space was for the Camp Amped program in 2013. I started camp less than two weeks after I moved to Athens from my home of 14 years in Missouri. I was lonely, lost, sad, and honestly—close to giving up. Camp welcomed in me, in all of my awkward adolescent glory.

During my first session that year, I was terrified. I refused to play guitar or any other instruments and was so quiet singing that I was rarely heard. About halfway through my time there, some older campers had a talk with me and told me it was okay to mess up, okay to be myself, and okay to try new things. Next thing I knew, I was thrashing around the stage singing punk rock

Click here to see a video by Mamie and Charlie

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songs. I had found friends and a fam-ily; more than anything, I had found a reason to keep on keepin’ on.

I am now a senior in high school and in the process of getting together my second album. I work at a record-ing studio/school of music and play shows on a pretty regular basis around Athens. My time as an active Camp Amped student is over, but the con-nections and lessons I learned are something I reference every day. I would still be a shy, juvenile musician playing acoustic guitar alone in my room if it weren’t for Camp.

Outside of camp, Nuçis Space has helped every member of my family through the rough times we’ve faced in the past few years. Nuçis Space cre-ated, more than anything, a home that provided resources that saved the life of my best friend— my brother. That is something I can never repay them for.

Thank you.Mamie

The Journey of Music

Everyone has a reason to breathe. Amid every breath taken in and every breath released is a moment that takes us closer to what we are truly meant to do in life. Ever since I was young I have felt that I was meant to do some-thing bold and exceptional. It’s not that I felt that I would change the world like Martin Luther King Jr., but that whatever I chose to do in life would be different from the status quo. I simply did not fit in with the majority of my peers and the only thing that inspired me were stories, movies, and music.

But, like many dreamers, I was always told to think rationally and play by the rules, which led me to create a conflicting lifestyle. In my early adult years I had trouble staying employed; I jumped from college to college and never really knew what I wanted to do with my life. In attempts to find a solu-tion I started my own fitness business, attended Georgia Gwinnett College,

and eventually found the girl of my dreams. All seemed well at first but there was always a feeling of empti-ness. Life just seemed unfulfilling and muted as if I was a caged animal. And though I was in love, I could not shake what I felt inside.

Instead of following my true feelings I tried to stay the course and become a family man. One of the greatest fears I had at the time was experiencing a divorce and having a broken family. I felt that marriage would keep me grounded and help me grow up and now that I had the girl of my dreams there would be no reason to crave anything other than her and a family. However, when you avoid pursuing your true purpose, life has a way of re-directing you to your appropriate calling. I tried my very best to love her, provide for her and our children and she did her best to love me for who I was. I suppose things just weren’t meant to be, because apparently we both failed miserably. Something drastically changed in our relation-ship when I told her that I needed to be a musician. In less than a year, we became bitter enemies and before I knew it I lost her to alcoholism, adul-tery, and a ruthless legal system. Even after the adultery and alcoholism, I did my very best to save the marriage because that was my greatest fear. But a rehab center, a college degree, a new house, a new car and a well paying job were not enough to keep her. She left me and took the kids to another state.

I was heartbroken and lost because my greatest fears had been realized. She was gone and it was legal. We were, at the time, divorced and the court had ruled in her favor. Though she suffered from alcoholism, she had a support system that far outweighed mine. I was left living in a brand new house that reeked of family memories and all I could do was sit in sorrow knowing that I had failed to save my family. It was downhill from there and before I knew it the well-paying job I had acquired fired me because my employer noticed that my focus was elsewhere and not fully within the

company. I literally had nothing else to lose other than life itself. I was suffer-ing but something told me to do some-thing bold because this was the begin-ning of a new life whether I liked it or not. So I let all of my belongings go including the house and cars, moved whatever furniture she didn’t take into storage and relocated to the closest music town. I had made my decision that I was going to be in a band and make music my fulltime career.

While in Athens I suffered from alcoholism, depression, suicidal thoughts, promiscuity and a lack of job security but something insisted that I change. My brother had accompanied me in the journey of music but I knew he could not relate to the amount of suffering I was experiencing especially from not being able to see my children regularly. I was lost and was trying to find my groove but I found it to be rather difficult. What I knew about the music scene in Athens I had learned from walking the streets of downtown and at times the music scene appeared to be unwelcoming and cliquish. However someone told me about a place called Nuçi’s Space, which he called the holy mecca for musicians in Athens. It took about a month before I went to visit but when I walked in my life literally changed. There was some-thing tranquil about the staff working there, the donor records placed on the wall and the permeating rugged smell of used gear. I also learned of the detailed story of Nuçi and why his family created the facility and I became truly inspired.

Week-by-week I would come to Nuçi’s and push myself out of depres-sion and alcoholism. I knew that all I needed was a safe place to be creative, rehearse, self-reflect and network and Nuçi’s Space was the perfect place for that. I found band mates and estab-lished a band called “Playground Hero” right in room number 8 and over time we wrote our entire first album, “On Broadstreet”. Within a year our single, “Don’t Be Judgin’ Me” was featured on the Athfest Compilation

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album and I acquired a career work-ing as the marketing coordinator and music supervisor for an entertainment company called Espeuté Productions. The company was kind enough to fund my band’s first music video, which has won 2 awards. And in the past 2 years of working for Espeuté Productions I have composed original music for 2 films, which has acquired close to a dozen awards nationally.

This is not an attempt to brag about my accomplishments. This is me rejoicing in the fact that I found my calling in the midst of los-ing what I held dearly. Nuçi’s Space allowed me the platform to re-invent myself and for that reason I am thankful. The staff never knew that I was suffering and they continued to smile and treat me like every other upcom-ing artist! I was not treated like a divorcee, a failed father, an unemployed black man or any-thing belittling. They treated me like a MUSICIAN and that is exactly what I needed in my life. And though I no longer reside in Athens I will continue to hold my band rehearsals at Nuçi’s Space. The reason is because no mat-ter what happens in my career I will always remember that it was Nuçi’s Space that helped me become the person I am today and for that I will remain a loyal supporter.

A Safe Space to Grow

There is only so much story that can be told in so few words. I will not attempt to tell it all, but I will speak of hope and hopelessness, love and hate, light and dark, male and female I was born into a body that was not my own.

I was born in a body of a little girl, put in pink dresses long before I could walk. No one heard me when I said I was a boy, not my family, not friends,

teachers, coaches. No one heard me. They thought I was a cute, young tom-boy who would eventually outgrow this phase, marry a nice young man and make babies. No one heard me. My first suicide attempt was at age 13, when puberty hit and the discomfort in my body became unbearable. I could not live in that body and I didn’t know yet that I had a choice. I thought death was the only way out.

I was young but I learned about punk rock. I played it. I breathed it. I felt comforted in a culture that allowed

me to shave my head and wear shit kicker boots. I learned about drink-ing, smoking and getting as loaded as possible. I learned how to pretend I didn’t care that no one heard me. I learned that if I wanted to live, I had to be numb and I had to fight, and that’s what I did for years. My late teens and all of my twenties were peppered with institutions, suicide attempts, treatment centers, jails and eventually prison for drug related crimes.

Once I learned that Transgender was an actual thing, and was an option, I began the long, slow process of get-ting my insides and outsides to align. I still didn’t have many people in my life who heard me and I eventually left

the Pacific Northwest. I left cities that knew me and family who thought they did. I changed my diet of heroin and hate that had raised me in Seattle and Portland, and I was hungry. I came to Athens on a hope and a prayer that I could live here, safely. Safe from myself…

I moved here with a new found comfort in my body but not a lot of clean time. The distance between the harmful ways I had been coping in my past life, and the fierce determination I had to create a new one, was short. I

was on shaky ground and I knew it. Shortly after learning about Nuçi’s Space I inquired about receiving counseling. In all of the ways I didn’t in my youth, I felt heard. I felt seen and respected and I was treated with dignity. In my past I was so often treated horribly when the agency, insti-tution, or counselor before me, learned that I was Transgender. With ease they put me with a counselor who was educated and professional. The counseling services I received proved to be invaluable at such a transitional time in my life. Nuçi’s Space also held space for us to hold a 12 step meeting. While in culture shock of moving to the South, I was unaccustomed to living in a town where most 12 step meetings were held in Southern Baptist

Churches. Being the honest misfits that we were, we were able to be in com-munity, play music if we chose, support each other and be sober all the while.

Nuçi’s was like a container that held space for me to learn how to grow up. I learned to take my anger out on a drum set and a six string with too much distortion. I learned how to stop hurting myself, and how to breathe sober breaths. I learned how to live true to myself, and not apologize for who I am. Today I’m a clean and sober (and if I may say so, rather handsome) young man. Although my 13 year old self couldn’t have imagined it, I have a life, and a body, I’m grateful to live in today. ❧

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