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23 January

Ahoy-hoy......and welcome to issue 67, and to 2009 in general. It’s been a hell of a

month at Deep Villas with pretty much everyone involved in any way withthe magazine dropping like flies thanks to various bugs and ailments.Speaking just for myself, I’ve been laid out for most of December with, inorder of their arrival, never-ending industrial strength ‘flu, the vomity bugthing and a knackered back (which I wouldn’t have minded had it been dueto doing something fun, as opposed to just getting out of a chair when Ididn’t expect it). So yeah, I spent most of the festive period in bed (which Iwouldn’t have minded etc etc). At least all this time indoors meant I didn’tmiss much Xmas telly and had time to catch up with Star Stories, the Hoobsand my new favourite kids programme, ‘Sorry I’ve Got No Head’ which isjust genius - every nasty, sick little cloud has a silver vicks-smeared liningand in this case it’s BBC i-player - wahey! for that (boo to 4OD whichdoesn’t work with macs, for some elaborate reason).

Anyhoo, the upshot of all of this is that we’re aware that some of youdidn’t get a chance to see December’s issue, for which we can onlyapologise. But never fear if you were one of the unlucky ones who missedtheir fix of Croydon’s best, and indeed only, FREE monthly entertainmentguide as what we’ve done is reproduced a couple of the articles from lastmonth alongside our new ones for this month, so you aint missed much,and anything you did miss can be found on the facebook deep-london fanpage. So there. Job done. And barring more virulent unpleasantry normalservice is now resumed.

But enough of that, because it’s all sooo last year, and this is now a newshiny one which no-one’s managed to break or lose down the back of thesofa yet. Happy New Year and all that, I hope you all had a good one andare poised, cat-like, for the year ahead. Interestingly, or not, 2009 isInternational Year of Astronomy (The Mystic One got a bit over-excited atthis until we carefully explained the difference between astronomy andastrology, at which point he went back to sleep). It’s also, apparently,National Science Year, Year of Creativity and Innovation (no, we don’t knoweither) and, in bonny Scotland, the 250th anniversary of Robert Burns’ birth.2008, incidentally, was the Year of Reading, which kind of passed us by, butthen if you’re reading this then paradoxically, erm, good - well done you!

Anyway, onto this issue and the world seems to be a rather dark place atthe moment - maybe it’s the ‘credit crunch’, or maybe it’s just us being allwintry and depressing as last month we had ghost stories, terrifying tales,jack the ripper, death squads, you know, festive stuff for a jolly Christmas,and this month we’ve got demons and zombies and a bit more on jack theripper. Oh, and yes, if you’ve looked at the cover and are wondering wherethe kittens are; we lied about the kittens - we just wanted to cheer ourselvesup a bit...

Righto, that’s about it from me, I’m off to watch Doctor Who with ourmate David - while I still can and as a reward for typing the whole magstanding up thanks to the knackered back - as although I did see it on

Christmas day, it was a bit hard to concentratewith not only a five year old running about butalso - mainly - many many glasses of (purelymedicinal of course) champagne working theirfizzy magic on my synapses. Marvellous stuff,champagne, especially Perrier Jouet (massivehint to makers of Perrier Jouet...). Ta ta for now, have a safe start to the new yearand we’ll see you in February, the month oflurve, to which we say, mwah, allons-y! Angela xx Your Bonsai Editor

Contact Us:editor: angela ferrara tel: 07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558e: angela@deep-london.co.uk

staff & contributors: mystic mike, auntie may, lazy-boy, nick booth,geoff lyons, amanda cook,

advertising sales:call angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail angela@deep-london.co.uk

printed by: Positive Image

publishing & graphic design: deep-london

web design: neil williams, info@nojwilliams.net

web hosting: europahost, 94 southbridgeroad, south croydon, CR0 1AF, tel: 0845 644 1484. www.europahost.net

thanks to: jean, tony, marie, jamie; the bishopsNYE massive; david, charlie, bill, paul, ed, jack,cosmo.

happy birthday: chloe, dan, ben, codey, stef,jane, nick, danny, sarah, rich, matt, sally, carla,creepy, dan, rob, duncan.

r.i.p: oliver postgate, bettie page, eartha kitt,harold pinter, helen suzman, vincent ford, ronasheton

Jan 2009Issue Sixty Sevendeep online at: www.deep-london.co.uk • www.issuu.com •

facebook • www.myspace.com/wiredmag • http://sk.im

LISTINGS:

THIS MONTHSFEATURES:

What’s On Guide 21

Pubs, Clubs, Bars 38

Restaurants 41

Cabs / Hotels 43

Music 43

Cinema / Theatre 43

Adult 43

Demons 4

Zombies 8

Hangovers 12

News Hound 16

Croydopoly! Board 30

Dear Diary 44

The Agony 46

World of Pub 48

Lazy Boy 50

Ripped Up 50

Free-Dom 52

A Cautionary Tale 54

Wrong Way Round 56

Stars 58

JANUARY 2009

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Described by the Guardian as‘Merlin meets Buffy’, ITVattempts to wrest back some

control of the Saturday night family-viewing slot next year in the shape of‘Demons’, a six part modern dayreworking of the Dracula / Van Helsinglegend set in and above London’ssewers. The story revolves around Luke(Christian Cook), an ostensibly ordinaryteenager who, as the last descendent ofthe Van Helsing line, is thrown into aworld of demons and monsters (or ‘half-life’ entities as they’re called) in order tosmite the hell out of them.

It all sounds a bit mad, so Deepdecided to catch up with some of themain players to ask ‘the what now..?’starting with Philip Glenister, best knownas none-more-curmudgeonly copperGene Hunt in Life and Mars and Ashesto Ashes, who plays Rupert Galvin,Luke’s Godfather and a man with atragic past, a zero-tolerance policy toghouls and, oddly, an Americanacccent...

“I was quite nervous about theAmerican accent at first,” admitsGlenister. “I came straight off the backof Ashes to Ashes but thought from theoff that Galvin would be a nice removalfrom playing Gene.

“I did have a voice coach. A very nicelady called Judith who was veryexpressive with her language. She wason set for the first week and after that Iwas OK. I’ve swapped ‘Huntisms’ forAmericanisms. Actually accents seem tobe one of the few things I was born witha head for. I enjoy doing them as well.I’ve done so many; northern, American,German, I don’t think I could play myown accent any more. I wouldn’t knowhow to play myself.”

Describing his character in the newsci-fi drama, Philip says: “Rupert Galvinwas the best friend of Luke’s deadfather. Something happened many yearsago while they were on a missiontogether in Transylvania, Luke’s fatherwas killed and Galvin saved baby Luke.As his godfather Galvin has kept adistant eye on Luke ever since and at thestart of the series decides to come backinto Luke’s life as the dark forces aregathering.

“Galvin attempts to act as Luke’smentor, to train him up as a smiter andto protect him as much as possible.”

Talking about his cohorts on Demons,Philip continues: “It’s a bit of a Scoobygang. Though of course they are allyoung, gifted and beautiful and thenthere is me…the dad character. MaybeGalvin is the sensible one in Scooby Doo– Fred. But much older!”

“We are making a family supernaturalthriller and it is dark in places but thereis also humour. Kids love to be scaredbut at the same they want to have somefun.”

“My girls are six and three and theyare obsessed with Doctor Who and theSarah Jane Adventures. They love beingscared when they know it is comic bookscary. I’ll never forget watching DoctorWho with my friend Paul when I was alad. We’d half hide behind the doorwhen the Daleks were on.”

So does Philip still have a vividimagination?

“Yes, to the point where I wouldn’tdo a parachute jump because I canimagine the bloody thing wouldn’topen!” he laughs. “When I was a kid Iused to love the Hammer Horror filmsand Christopher Lee’s Dracula but yougrow up and your influences change. Soin that respect this is not a genre I havefollowed in recent times; which is one ofthe reasons I thought this would be suchan interesting project to do.

“Sci-fi is something I’ve never doneand I wanted to see what it would belike. Whether I could act with a greenscreen, react to things that aren’t thereand cope with crazily dressed peoplewhile making it real.”

“The prosthetics are astoundinglygood, by the same team who did HarryPotter. Martin Hancock plays a charactercalled Redlip, I remember seeing him onmy first day and he freaked me out. Ohmy god, I didn’t want to leave my trailer

for a week.“As a kid I used to love Batman.

Spiderman never did it for me,Superman was OK but Adam West asBatman; how he made those lines workwas magnificent. I’ve learned a thing ortwo from him."

And Philip had to contend with a fewsuperhero style stunts as well.

"Christian (Cooke) has to do most ofthem, but then he is much younger andfitter than me so it's only fair. But I doget thrown over quite a few cars, I getburnt and I have to fight a demon whichinvolved me wearing a special harness soI could be yanked backwards verysharply, which was not a comfortableexperience.

"I also have this gun; a pulse gunwhich has to be the most uselessweapon in the world. I never seem to killanyone, I keep threatening people andthen I get hurled 25 feet across a carpark!

"There is one episode when Christianand I have to wear wetsuits for a scenewhere we are up to our necks, literally,in sewage water courtesy of KevinMcNally. That wasn't pleasant."

And of course the question everyoneis asking Philip; what car does Galvindrive?

"He drives a Mercedes. It's a goodold car, a 1972 SL in silver. I think it willfeature quite nicely in the show and yesI'll be firing up the Merc…"

On the other side of the mythologicalfence sits main baddie, the marvellouslynamed Gladiolus Thrip, played with gleeby Mackenzie Crook (The Office,obviously, Pirates of the Caribbean,naturally) who had a little help incoming up with the terrifying screechassociated with his cruel character inDemons. His five-year-old son helpedhim while playing in the woods.

"We were running around pretendingto be dinosaurs and just came up withthe noise," he explains. "He might onlybe five but Jude isn't freaked out byanything strange. He came on set toPirates of the Caribbean when he wasfour weeks old and has grown upwatching me getting into costume andhaving lunch with all the pirates. Heunderstands it is all make believe."

“Maybe Galvin is likethe sensible one inScooby Doo - Fred, butmuch older...”

Vampires, Van Helsing-mini, much smiting. It must be Saturday night...

6

Mackenzie admits the part is not thesort of role that he often gets offered;

"I have played some quirky charactersbefore but nothing evil and I've wantedto play someone really bad for a longtime. In my early career I got parts asdrug dealers or addicts; alwayssomething to do with narcotics. Thenafter The Office it was always nerdycharacters. So you do have to siftthrough the parts. Thrip was a greatopportunity to play a different type ofcharacter."

Describing his character Mackenziesays: "Thrip is out to get Luke andwants to destroy Mr Galvin along theway. He is a mischief maker who lovesstirring things up between them. He is aflamboyant character who enjoysmaking trouble but he is on a very shortfuse.

"He really looks after his appearance,wearing extravagant Teddy boy clothesand arranging his hair in a strange quiff– even though as a vampire he has noreflection so how he manages I don'tknow. And he has this weird scrimshawnose stuck on, although you neverdiscover what happened to his real nose– you just see the scarring."

"In a strange way Thrip is full of lifeeven though he only has half a one.There are elements of comedy in theway I play him but he does have to bescary. It doesn't take much for him tocompletely lose it and you see thevicious side of him come out. He can killpeople with his fingernail; it's spiteful,horrible stuff and there is nothinghonourable about him"

A fan of the sci-fi genre himself,

Mackenzie admits: "I am a true geek atheart. I've always been a fan of StarWars. Never Doctor Who or Star Trekbut always Star Wars. I could tell youanything about the most obscurecharacters. I do get quite obsessiveabout these shows."

Elsewhere in the pantheon of odditythat Demons seems to be, we find VictorMeldrew, aka Richard Wilson, lurkingabout as zombie priest Father Simeon;

“My first thought was, ‘I’ve neverplayed a zombie priest!’ laughs Richard.“And to be honest I never thought Iwould be offered the chance to play azombie priest either. I read the script andthought it was rather intriguing; how doyou approach playing someone who hasbeen alive for possibly a thousand years?You just look very old and bedraggled, itturns out.”

But Father Simeon isn’t the traditionalB-movie zombie: “He is a good guyreally, he sees that Luke is the lastsurviving Van Helsing and he wants tohelp him as much as he can. He hasbeen very close to the Van Helsingfamily in the past and Luke representsthat so he is quite happy to give himadvice etc. The only sticking point is thathe really doesn’t like Galvin.

“Simeon is pretty sinister really; henever leaves the ancient church wherehe has lived, surrounded by the dead,for hundreds of years. In fact the churchwhere we filmed, St Bartholomew theGreat, was a wonderful location; it is areally beautiful church hidden away bySmithfield’s market.”

Despite playing a zombie, Richard’scharacter did not end the series in the

happiest way: “My character has beenalive for a long time, and so heconstantly has a fly swat on him -because he is basically dead skin andflesh. There is a lot of swatting; in oneepisode I seem to spend most of mytime just swatting at bugs. FatherSimeon does end up with a rather nastydeath scene in which thousands ofspiders come out of my mouth as I liedead in the church. But, of course, beingone of the ‘undead’ he could always findways of coming back. I absolutely thinkSimeon would have means ofreinventing himself and coming back.”

Richard’s role in Demons isn’t his onlyforay into the fantasy or sci-fi genre, hehas also recently appeared in bothDoctor Who and Merlin. So is the actornow a fan of the genre?

“Well I am certainly becoming one.The genre is obviously quite prevalent atthe moment in film and on television,and it’s getting better and better. There’sa wonderful comic industry out there ofsci-fi stuff, and the illustrations arebrilliant. I have dabbled in buyingscience fiction books and there are alsosome science fiction comics I buyoccasionally.”

Who’d have thunk it? Mind you,when you look at how bizarre the wholeconcept seems to be, it all seems to fit.We’ve yet to see a preview so we’re asintrigued as anyone and we’ll be tuningin to see if ITV have finally got a decentfamily show going, how odd Demonsturns out to be and, just for fun, exactlyhow many people get smited. Nice.

Demons starts on ITV1 on 3rdJanuary at 7.20pm.

8

Yes, yes, we know Dead Set wason a couple of months back, butwe couldn’t fit this article in at

the time, it’s being repeated in January,it’s rather a good programme, CharlieBrooker is a god and we’ve discovered,what with Celebrity Big Brother back onour screens, it’s quite a lot of fun toimagine the contestants beingeviscerated are in fact this year’s crop ofdeperate career-revival-wannabe-z-listers. Fact.

The first rule of writing is “writeabout what you love”. For CharlieBrooker, writing about what he loves isnot always easy - he's a TV critic, which,by definition, means that sometimes hehas to write about things he does notlove - indeed, about things he absolutelyloathes. And, as readers of his hugelypopular Screen Burn column will testify,Charlie Brooker often loathes theprogrammes he reviews.

But now the poacher has turnedgamekeeper (or should that be the otherway around?) as the critic has written aTV series, Dead Set, which he describesas a zombie romp set in the Big Brotherhouse. And here, Brooker is definitelywriting about what he loves, because heis absolutely infatuated with zombies. Ifthere's a shambling member of theundead in it, he's seen it, probably hasthe box set, and may well know it byheart. Here, Brooker talks about whyzombies do it for him, how men inberets are welcome to watch the series,and the problems associated with havingbug-eyes.

Dead Set - can you sum it up?“I guess it's a fairly standard

nightmare scenario - Britain isoverwhelmed by a kind of zombieapocalypse which wipes out pretty mucheveryone in the country, from hot dogsellers through to the people who paythe wages of hot dog sellers. Just aboutthe only people who aren't aware of it,initially at least, are a bunch ofcontestants in a fictional series of BigBrother. It's inspired by Dawn of theDead, which is set in a shopping mall. Iguess you'd say it's a horror-thriller withsatirical, darkly comic undertones. Butmainly it's a horror-thriller.”

Are you a fan of the real Big Brother?“I'm ambivalent, really. I've written

about it a lot, and made hay slatingvarious contestants. I've got a slightly

odd relationship with all reality TV, inthat I watch a lot of it and get drawninto it, and yet at the same time you'reslightly appalled. It's a similar thing toplaying video games - you get drawn inand enjoy yourself, and then when it'sover, you feel like you've wasted a lot oftime. You get people who definethemselves by how much they hateshows like Big Brother. They'll practicallytune in and then sit with their backturned to the set just to underline howmuch they hate it. I'm not one of those,and nor am I one of the people whoturn up waving a placard on evictionnight. I'm somewhere in the middle. Isuppose most TV is a distraction fromsomething or another. That's kind of atheme in the show, we're kind ofdistracted by a lot of entertainment in

this day and age, and obviously invaguely making that point, what I'vereally done is create a zombie-romp thatwill further distract people fromwhatever might be more important intheir lives. I've basically made theproblem worse.”

In choosing the Big Brother setting,are you satirising reality TV, or is it justabout the fact that it's quite a goodsetting for a horror series?

“It's kind of in-between. In theoriginal Dawn of the Dead, which wassort of a model for this, the setting hasobviously got satirical undertones. Iwould say the same about this. Butwhile you could spend your timewatching it thinking ”Mmmmm, yes, asatirical point”, most of the time you'regoing to be thinking ”Help! Here comethe zombies!“ It's kind of a scary romp,first and foremost. It's not a chin-stroking exercise.”

So it's not just to be watched by menin berets?

“No, although they're more thanwelcome to tune in, provided they taketheir fucking berets off. In a way, on onelevel, the fact that it's set in the BigBrother House is kind of irrelevant,although it also sort of isn't. I can't reallybe clearer than that! It's about

unrelenting peril, so hopefully peoplewill be too involved to sit there andstroke their chins.”

What did you do in the name ofresearch for this? Did you watch a lot ofBig Brother, or go behind the scenes, orto eviction nights?

“I watched a lot of zombie films. Iwatch a lot of zombie films anyway,which is where the original idea camefrom. I wanted to make a zombie TVseries before the Big Brother angle camealong. I'd decided I wanted to do aseries that was a bit like 24, but setduring a zombie apocalypse. Then, alittle while after having that thought, Iwas watching Big Brother when itoccurred to me that that was the perfectsetting.”

Were you concerned with making it a

realistic version of Big Brother?“Yes. And we wanted the backstage

stuff to be as accurate as possible insome respects. So we went along to aneviction a long while ago now - thisshows how long ago the idea began. Iwent along to George Galloway'seviction. I snuck along, and got to gobehind the scenes. I went in the camerarun, which was very instructive. It's verycreepy there - like being in an aquarium.It's a very quiet, dark environment, andyou're looking through the glass at thesecreatures that aren't really aware of yourexistence. And sometimes these peoplewould stare directly at you, and a littlefrisson would go through you, and thenyou'd realise that they were looking attheir own reflection in the mirror - whichobviously, being celebrities, they did alot. I realised that the camera run was areally creepy place, so you start to thinkhow scary it would be if there wassomething in the camera run, and youdidn't know it was there. It could seeyou, but you couldn't see it.”

You've talked of your love of zombiefilms. The Living Dead films, and morerecently 28 Days Later and I Am Legend,have all been hits. What is it aboutzombie films that capture theimagination?

“It’s a fairly standard scenario - Britain isoverwhelmed by a zombie apocalypse which

wipes out pretty much everyone in the country...”

10

“I really don't know. I've thoughtabout this, because I'll watch anythingwith a zombie in it. But I just don'tknow. What I like about zombies is thatthey are thick. I don't like watchinghorror films about, say, a serial killer,where the villain is a brilliant intellectualand could also double as the controllerof Radio 3. The serial killer is always onestep ahead of the police, and tauntingthem. Whereas most serial killers, inreality, are so mentally deranged thatthey wouldn't be like that. And I don'treally relate to vampires or ghosts. Idon't find them particularly frightening.”

But zombies are different?“Yeah. In the original Romero movies,

zombies were this big dumb mass ofstupidity. The protagonists always getcomplacent, because these things areshambling around quite slowly and can'tkeep up with them. And then by sheerweight of numbers they getoverwhelmed. So if you live in a city,

you're surrounded by people constantly.If you imagine something suddenlyafflicted them all, and they were allcoming after you, then you're in bigtrouble. It's a fear of an anonymousmass coming after you. Except, ofcourse, modern day zombies haveevolved. They learnt to run in about2002. Which is probably good, it givesthe genre a new lease of life. Weconsidered having your old-fashioned,stumbling zombies in this, but it feltmore in-keeping with a fast-paced TVthing to have running zombies. There'ssomething visceral about having a bunchof zombies running at you. And it meansyou don't need a huge mass of zombiesfor effect to start with, and then whenyou do see a huge mass of them, it'sparticularly horrifying.”

Horror in general is such a bigmarket, now more than ever. Why dopeople like being scared?

“I don't know. There's the thoughtthat, in days gone by, when we were allliving in caves and chasing wild boaracross the plains or whatever the hell wedid when we were cavemen, you weregenerally in fear for your life once onany given day. So I guess it tickles that,it's an adrenaline rush. It's a way ofbeing scared in a fun, safe environment.It's the equivalent of a rollercoaster, itgives you an adrenaline shot. Either thator we're just all sick.”

Is it true you appear as a zombie in

Dead Set?“Yeah, I have a little cameo. What

was frustrating was that I couldn't be afeatured zombie, I had to be a B-listzombie. I was supposed to be a featuredzombie, but my eyes are too weird andbug-like. They couldn't put the contactlenses on me - they tried shoving themin for about 15 minutes, and every timeI blinked they came out. My eyelids aretoo thin or something.”

Thin eyelids and bug-eyes? You'resort of reptilian, aren't you?

“Yeah, I am. Which you'd think mightbe a plus in having some sort of undeadcameo. You might spot me. People canplay a version of Where's Wally?. Blink-and-you'll miss it. But I'm there, and it'snot in a crowd scene. It's in episodetwo.”

There are quite a few cameos fromformer Big Brother housemates, aren'tthere?

“Yeah. They've not been cast in huge

roles, where we expect them to act frombeginning to end. There's a logicalreason for them to be there. We havethem all down at Elstree for a specialedition of BBLB, and it's on evictionnight, which just happens to be whenthe zombie apocalypse thing really startsto happen.

“We wanted people from variousdifferent series of Big Brother. We had aload of old housemates, and they wereall exceptionally pleasant, even the onesI've been really rude about in print. Infact, I think the rule is, the ruder you'vebeen about someone in print, the nicerthey turn out to be, and the bigger anarsehole you feel for having beenunpleasant about them. Anyway, we'vegot a real mix of people from variousyears. Those bits are almostdocumentary style - we just put them allin a room together and got them to chatwhile we walked around with ourcameras. Then we did some nasty stuffto surprise them, and recorded theirreaction.”

So do we get to see any of thembeing eaten alive?

“You might do…”Davina McCall is in it as well. Did

she get stuck in with her usual gusto?“Yes, she did. You couldn't have

something set at a Big Brother evictionnight without Davina. She's in it quite abit and she's brilliant. She hurled herselfinto it.”

You filmed scenes with the crowdoutside the Big Brother House. Was thata real eviction crowd?

“Yeah, we filmed outside the houseon an eviction night and before theycame out, we 'evicted' a member of ourcast. We'd previously shot a post-eviction interview with our evictee andDavina. The whole thing was improvisedand authentic. Davina was just brilliant.She charmed everybody. And wouldn'tyou know, I've been rude about Davinabefore - that's a classic example ofsomeone turning up who's so incrediblypleasant that you just feel 'Who is thearsehole in this scenario? It's definitelyme!'”

You clearly had the backing andsupport of everyone involved in BigBrother. Was that difficult to secure?

“No, it wasn't. I would've thoughtthat they'd be much more defensive,and get all sorts of assurances. Therewas none of that, absolutely none. Wehad carte blanche to do what we liked.It was almost disappointing. A lot of ourcharacters aren't contestants, but playproduction staff, and they weren't evenworried about that. Jaime Winstoneplays Kelly, a production runner on theshow. And we have Andy Nymanplaying Patrick, a Big Brother producer,who I hasten to add is in no way basedon any real producer. He's a realcaricature - I like to think he's like theSherriff of Nottingham in Prince ofThieves. The sort of bastard you canreally relish. He's a massive wanker, butthey didn't seem to mind that at all.Everyone was really helpful - the peopleat E4 as well. We kept wanting to havea really good argument, but everyonewas too helpful.”

As a TV critic yourself, is it nerve-wracking making forays into TV? Doyou feel that people might be gunningfor you, or willing you to fail?

“No, not really. Mainly because Idon't care about anyone on the planetapart from myself, so fuck what theythink! I was working in TV before Istarted writing about TV, so I'm not toocowed by it. We got some fairly harshreviews for Nathan Barley, but I neverfelt that people were gunning for me. Ijust felt that people didn't really get theshow, and then it really picked up onDVD and everyone realised that WEWERE RIGHT! THEY WERE WRONG! Ithink this show will stand and fall on itsown merits. If people are genuinely justpointing out things that could be donebetter, then that's got to be helpful, forfuture things. The bastards.”

Dead Set - 6th January C4Charlie Brrookers Screen-Wipe - 4th

January - BBC4, midnight

“We got some harsh reviews for Nathan Barley,then it really picked up on DVD and everyonerealised WE WERE RIGHT! THEY WERE WRONG!”

12

“I’ve got itchy ‘arris,” says Wayne‘Bully’ Bulled, drummer withemerging Croydon rock and roll

legends The Hangovers, Croydon face oftwo decades standing and a dead ringerfor Ron Wood crossed with Sid Vicious.“Itchy, itchy, itchy. Bin drivin’ me madfor weeks. Dunno what to do about it,really.”

He is looking mildly vexed, because –notwithstanding his itchy bum trouble,to which we will return – James ‘Elmo’Elmy, 19-year-old singer and guitaristhas just dribbled on his arm as I take aphoto of them.

“Wur,” says Bully pushing the youngman away, “behave yourself, sort it out,you’ve got the manners of a TeddyBoy.” But when Bully sees the picture heis pleased as punch and hugs James.“Well done for doing that!” he coos and

he embraces the boy singer. Bass playerRay ‘The Ox’ Jenkins looks on, smilingsweetly.

“What you have to remember aboutus,” says Ray, “is that we’re a family.That’s how we operate.”

It’s a frozen November evening inPurley, and we’re in the Wetherspoonsnursing lagers. Hardly the ne plus ultraof rock and roll bacchanalia. However,The Hangovers bring an infectious joirede vivre to even the most measly publichouse collocations. Just getting a drinkinvolves jokes. Ray gives me the band’shistory: “I was in bands in the 70s and80s. Always played. Loved it. Wayneand I drank in the Tudor Rose up in OldCoulsdon. We got nattering, realised weboth liked the same things musically anddecided to have a jam. I knew Jamesand brought him down. Them two hit itoff straight away. Next thing we wereplaying the Enterprise in Camden.”

“Bottom of the bill,” says James, “buttop o’ the night.”

That was only in April. Since then

they’ve played a lot of gigs on the circuitin their pedal-to-the-metal incendiarystyle, had a lot of hangovers and evencaused a miniature moral panic.

“We was in the local papers a whileback,” James explains, “when we was inthe Ship’s Battle of the Bands (good pubthe Ship is, Dean’s great). Anyhow, nextthing we heard that Croydon Counciland some newspapers had hadcomplaints and letters that we wereglorifying binge drinking.”

And are you, I asked.“No way,” says James. But before he

can give a fuller defence of the band,Bully has leant forward. “Absoluterubbish!” he sneers in mellifluouscockney, part Ronnie Kray, part RolandRat. “If anything the name of this bandadvertises that for every piss up there’s aprice. People wanna be worrying about

children stabbing each other to deathnot three blokes trying to have a goodtime and put on a show.”

This is the key to the Hangovers.Their creed is one of revelry and goodhonest fun. Time and again wheninterviewing them, you get this feelingwhich is quite unlike most other bandsnow, mired as they are either in toxiclevels of irony and sarcasm or justderanged with diseases of the ego. NotThe Hangovers. Bully: ‘Yeah, I like thatgood old ‘here for the beer attitude’, likeThe Faces having a couple of bottles ofBlue Nun before show time and thenkicking footballs into the crowd. Worsething that ever happened to Rock andRoll was when poncy, pseudo-intellectual middle class bastards gotinvolved in it – that’s how fuckingRadiohead and other sorry-I’m-a-depressing-little-c***-who-wears-black-nail-varnish-and-strums-A minor-in-my-bedroom-all-day abysmal bands of thatnature came about. Tossers and sillybollocks in other words. I don’t take rock

and roll seriously like that. I rememberwhen I got booted out of art college. Istuck my earplugs in and heard RocksOff by the Rolling Stones and you knowwhat, that’s complete joy to me.”

James Elmy (middle name Isley inhonour of the Isley Brothers) is, as onewould expect from a talented 19-year-old, brimful of ambition. “We could bebigger than the Beatles,” he yellsplayfully, now well in his cups. Bullyswiftly slaps him down – it’s a mother’sjob to keep their children’s outbursts inorder. “Don’t be ridiculous; keep yourfeet on the ground, boy.” Bully shakeshis head slowly at the staggeringnonsense of the statement. “You’lllearn,” he says. “First band I was in, TheHonkys, a band led by a vaingloriouspiss artist and which only played onegig, whenever I said anything about thebig time I got whacked round the headwith a shove ha’penny board and had tospend Saturday night locked in anoutside toilet reading Gill’s ImperialHistory of England and pickin’ me nose.It was an hard school. Feet on theground, boy.”

Watching them together I amirresistibly reminded of Long John Silverand Jim Hawkins from Treasure Island.

James is on one now. The next thinghe says is in the polite, pleading tone ofa small boy asking Mum for an icecream: “Wayne, when we play battle ofthe bands next can I smash my guitarthrough your bass drum?”

A look of indignation and alarmspreads across Bully’s semi-sozzledcountenance. “You WHAT, BOY?” hesays, now looking and sounding like across between Sid Vicious and Faginfrom Oliver Twist. “No you AIN’T, I toldyer that already. How many moretimes?”

“But I’ll buy you a new one forChristmas, promise.”

“Yeah?” says Mother Bully, lefteyebrow arched, eyes swiveling, stickingyet another fag in his cakehole andpreparing himself for an arctic cigarettebreak, “well, just you mind that you do,yeah?”

James is pacified now. The kid that

A writer called Johnny Argument and a load of punks called The Hangovers on the beers

in a Wetherspoons in Purley, what could possibly go wrong....

“I like that good old ‘here for the beer’ attitude,like The Faces having a couple of bottles of BlueNun before show time...”

14

got the lolly.It’s the slap-happy banter of a proper

little family; the sort of family that mighthave a copper knock on the door fromtime to time but basically know that aclip round the ear is worth three socialworkers, and I couldn’t but help feelingrather cosy with them. I was almostexpecting Tiny Tim to hobble in on hiscrutch and say: God bless us, every one!

With Bully away, I asked James abouthis songs. “We’ve got an album done.It’s called Not All of These Songs areAbout You. If anyone wants a free copy,mail me at james_elmo@hotmail.com

“I like stories, storytellers. I’ve got alot of things going on inside me, but itonly comes out on stage really. I bring

across my anger and emotions.“Musically, we’re influenced primarily

by Nirvana. When we play, I like to thinkthat we tear the place a new a*rsehole.”

“MIND YOUR LANGUAGE, BOY!”Hold up, Bully’s back and the dear old

boy buys yet another round. OK, I admitI’m biased – Bully’s been my drinkingcrony for many years (I am thatvainglorious piss artist who ran his firstband and many were the nights wesavoured gin and tonics and the creamof Rock and Roll) – but you’ll nevermeet a finer fella to knock back abumper with. I’m into my third large ginand tonic, all on The Hangovers’ tab. Infact, it’s time to talk hangovers.

“My worst one was after a bottle ofJack when I was 17 and art college,”says Bully. “I was blind drunk. I wascarried round the estate by all me mates,was left at the bus stop, poo-ed meselfin Croydon McDonalds, sick all over me

brother’s new trousers what I’dborrowed. Everything. Had to be carriedupstairs and put to bed. Next morning,me mum, calm and collected, just said:‘You better get yourself ready, you’vegot college this morning.”

“We’re seeking sponsorship from JackDaniels,” interjects James. “We don’twant much, just a case a month.”

“My worst one was when my doctortold me to pack up lager and drinkwine,” recollects Ray. “I went straightdown the Tudor Rose and had fourbottles of red. I was off it. Off. My. Face.All over the place. Had to be escortedhome by the bar staff. Next morning itwas like someone had stuck a drill bitthrough my head. I was in bed for four

days.”James’ worst hangover was the on

the day they first jammed together. “Iwas just lying all over the floor. That wasJack Daniels as well.”

They claim to be a democratic co-opof a band and I ask them aboutmanagement.

“We haven’t got a deal yet,” saysJames; “we’ve had offers but we’relooking for the right kind of thing really.We’ve got a manager though.”

“Yeah, Skinhead Andy Franks,”explains Bully. “He’s lovely. Oldest skinin Purley he is. He was 65 the otherweek, bless him. We bought him a newpair o’ Doc Martens 14 eye-hole boots.Oxblood. When he first heard one ofour demos he said: ‘That’s the mostexciting number I’ve heard since RockAround the Clock came out!’ Meant itan’ all.”

I ask what input he has on the band.

“Dunno, really,” says Wayne. “Ain’tseen him for weeks. Lost his pensionbook down the back of the settee Iheard. I dare say he’ll turn up againsoon.”

We’re all juiced up now and someonerealises it’s quarter to midnight. Jameshas gone to sleep next to Ray. Stretchedout on the seat. It’s a long day for ayoung ‘un.

“Where can I get a kebab?” asksBully. “I ain’t had a kebab for a long oldwhile. And my ‘arris still itches. Whatcan I do about an itchy arse?”

I told him it was likely his diet ofsausage sandwiches and lager that wascausing hemorrhoidal discomfort. I’dheard inserting a raw potato helps.“Gertcha,” says Bully – he is a greatadmirer of the works of Chas and Dave.

James is awake again and wants tohave a final picture taken – in the toiletupstairs. Bully, one eye shut (thisalleviates double vision) says: “Well, webetter get on and do it. I got work in themorning and I want a doner from downthe road. I got a wife at home and a kidon the way. You haven’t. You keep on,you’ll see the back o’ my hand, boy!”

James just shrieks with laughter andruns off. Bully sighs and smiles. Kids tireyou out.

I remember Ray’s comment aboutthem being a family. And there’s nodoubt about it. The only question isabout roles. Is Ray Daddy or Mummy?Considering the mild yet firm restrainingeffect Bully has on James and his abilityto impose martial order on this outfit atthe drop of a hat, I’m inclined to thinkThe Hangovers are a single parent family– Bully as indefatigable matriarchbringing up two boys; one a youngshaver and the other a sensible, olderboy (“I’m the quiet, gay one,” offers 36-year-old Ray in a spirit of jest – he’s ahappily married man.) who plays bassand mediates between Mother andyoungest. James announces: “We’re aunit; nobody worms their way in – andnobody worms their way out, neither!”

He is an absolutist. Here he is on theirlatest song: “Armageddon is about howwhen Armageddon happens, the safestplace to be is in the pub!”

As we leave, The Hangovers all saygoodnight to each other very cheerily.It’s all a bit like a cross between The Filthand the Fury and The Waltons. As Iwalked away into the cold darkness Ireflected what a nice bunch of rockersthey are. A splendid advert for theFamily as unit of civil society, in fact –and good honest punk rock.

The Hangovers play the Ship onWednesday 28th January

“We’re seeking sponsorship from Jack Daniels. Wedon’t want much, just a case a month...”

16

News-houndSeeing as though it’s a new year,

we thought this month we’d do arun-down / catch-up of what

some of our previous illustrious cover-incumbents and interviewees are up toin 2009, and there’s quite a lot of it,although not much from the music sideas all the musicians seem to be takingJanuary off and haven’t sent us anythingabout what they’re all doing next year,which is annoying. Oddly comediansand actors seem to be the mostorganised, so it’s mostly them, but we’llstart with the most recent news anywayand then go all over the shop fromthere....

Firstly, we hear on the grapevine thatCroydon’s own Natasha has got thegreen light to publish her ParentalAdvisory Manual, which we told you allabout in November and which is greatnews. Read more and contribute atwww.parentaladvisorymanual.co.uk

The saga of the American WerewolfIn London documentary, the brainchildof, again, Croydon’s own, Paul Davis isheading for a dramatic climax this year,as he explains;

‘Well, we returned to LA in Novemberto oversee the final edit. The 98-minutedocumentary will be the main bonusfeature on a brand new DVD/Blu-Rayrelease of An American Werewolf InLondon in October 09. It was scheduledto come out as early as March but with

the unfortunate delay of The Wolf Man(pushed back from April 3rd toNovember 6th) we have had to go backa bit with it. In the meantime we hopeto see the documentary submitted tovarious film festivals around the world(including Frightfest in London - August09) and I'm also in the midst of takingon two book projects - enough to keepme busy until the release’. We wait withinterest to see if the premier will be heldin sunny Croydon as originally mooted.

Charley Boorman returns to acting in2009 in the thriller Travellers. Writtenand directed by Kris McManus the film isdescribed as ‘a modern plunge back intothe worlds created by movies such as‘Deliverance’ and ‘Southern Comfort’with a gritty British Twang’. Find outmore at www.travellersmovie.co.uk.

Still at the cinema, Faintheart, thebattle re-enactment comedy we told youabout ages ago starring Jessica Hynes(along with Ewen Bremner, Kevin Eldon,Tim Healy, Paul Nicholls and more)which has been garnering great reviewsfrom various previews, has been given arelease date of Valentines Day, 14th Feb2009. Watch the trailer and get moreinfo atwww.myspace.com/faintheartthemovie.

And while we’re here, let’s not forgetHynes’ erstwhile writing partner, SimonPegg, who also returns to the flicks inthe Star Trek prequel thingummy(released 8th May) as ‘It cannae go anyfaster’ Scotty. Geek ahoy!www.startrek.com

Meanwhile, on the telly, one of our

favourite people in the world at themoment, Kevin Bishop, fresh from somepissed-yet-inspired heckling at the BritishComedy Awards and currently doing histhing in the always brilliant Star Storieson Channel 4, has a go at helping ITV,or rather ITV2, make a decent sitcom inthe form of ‘FM’. Also starring ChrisO’Dowd (the IT Crowd) and NinaSosanya (Love Actually, Casanova), FMfollows neurotic indie DJ Lindsay Caroland his co-workers at XFM-a-like SkinFM as they deal with pushy managers,divas and the “perils of skinny jeans".

More telly comedy from Peep Showwriters Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrongand their new sitcom, Old Guys, a sortof OAPeep Show starring Roger LloydPack (Only Fools’ Trigger), Clive Swift(Keeping Up Appearances) and JaneAsher (everything wholesome), comingto BBC1 sometime later in the year - nodates available yet.

Finally, let joy be unconfined as QIreturns for a new series (F) on BBC1 onJanuary 9th at 9pm. I know we haven’tmanaged to get Stephen Fry on thecover yet, but we’re working on it, ohyes, we’re working on it...

In non-comedy telly news DavidMorrissey and an ensemble castincluding Sean Bean, Paddy Considine,Lesley Sharp and more join together inRed Riding, a trilogy of interlinking filmsfrom Channel 4 adapted from DavidPeace’s cult noir novels set in Yorkshirein the 70’s and 80’s which are semi-fictional retellings of the Yorkshire Ripperand Stefan Kiszko cases. The Red Ridingfilms are due to be aired in March 2009.

If it’s a news article, it must be timefor Bill Bailey news! The bonsai

Happy news year. Oh dear...

17

meatloaf is as busy as ever, and hasbeen the subject of another facebookcampaign (and indeed a petition) to getthe BBC to make him the next DoctorWho, which sadly came to naught (astoo, incidentally, did our mate NickReeves contender status - bad luckNick!) when Skeletor, I mean MattSmith, got the gig. We still maintain thatSean ‘did I mention my Dad was DrWho. And also Wurzel Gummidge’Pertwee would’ve been a winner.Anyway, have a squizz at both thepetition and the facebook group via Bill’swebsite news section (address below),they’ll be filled with righteousindignation by now probably. In the realworld, Bill has extended his west end runof Tinselworm at The Gielgud Theatreinto the new year, or January 24th, to beprecise. Tickets are on sale now pricedfrom £29 upwards and can be bookedvia his website www.billbailey.co.uk orby calling 0844 482 5130.

Talking of the Doctor, as we were,David Tennant may have done his backin (I know how he feels) but his nextWho special is scheduled for release thiscoming Easter - huzzah - and news fromthe RSC indicates he’s now back for theend of the run of Hamlet, to be

reassessed on a night-by-night basis asit’s such an energetic, fling yourselfabout performance - good lad! Try invain for tickets at www.rsc.org.ukMeanwhile, Edward Bennett (i/v nextmonth with any luck ahead ofMidsummer Night’s Dream at theNovello), who was the chap I got pissedwith in Stratford goes back to beingLaertes from standing in as Hamlet andremains a bloody nice bloke to boot.

Back to the funny and in comedy tournews, Al Murray, Pub Landlord,continues his Beautiful British SpringTour landing everywhere there’s a properboozer and culminating in a gig at theO2 on 9th May. Book now by calling0844 856 0202 or visit his website atwww.thepublandlord.com.

Dylan Moran continues his ‘What ItIs’ tour into the new year, which mightbe worth a visit for anyone who went tothe Croydon show where the soundquality was appaling (which we believewas the venue’s fault rather thanMoran’s crew’s, by the way). Dates andplaces etc from www.chortle.co.uk.

Still in Croydon, Ross Noble comes totown on 9th April with his new ‘Things’tour. Tickets are priced from £18-£20

and are on sale now from the Fairfieldbox office on 020 8688 9291 or onlineat www.fairfield.co.uk. For more datesetc see www.rossnoble.co.uk. For detailson Jimmy Carr, Paul, Paul Merton, KevinBloody Wilson and erm, Ken Dodd, alsoat the Fairfield this year, again see theFairfield website www.fairfield.co.uk.

Elsewhere in, erm, comedy nut news,Harry’s Nuts, fairtrade peanuts endorsedby Harry Hill and produced inconjunction with liberation nuts, will bestocked in Sainsbury’s and Waitrose fromearly 2009. Strange but true. For moredetails visit www.chooseliberation.com /www.fairtrade.org.uk / www.harryhill.tv.

Finally in magazine news, I’ve decidedI probably need some advertising salesstaff because I hate doing it so. Thereason this is here is that if you’ve readdown this far you must like themagazine, and that always helps.Anyone with relevant experience pleasefeel free to get in contact with me viathe usual means at the front of the mag.

That is the end of the news, pleasereturn to what you were doing.

Got news? e-mail: hello@deep-london.co.uk

18

CENTRALCROYDON:• All Bar One• Bar Red Square• Bar Se7en• Beanos Records• Bedford Tavern • Black Sheep Bar • Brief • Bull’s Head• Clocktower

(Tourist Info) • Dog & Bull• Eagle • Fairfield Halls• Goose on the

Market• Gun Tavern• Green Dragon • Half and Half

Lounge Bar• Loop Pool Bar• Milan Bar • Mojama• Natterjacks

(St George’s Walk)

• Royal Standard • Ship • Spreadeagle• Steelpoint Tattoo• Strictly UK

(Tramms)• Surrey Cricketers• Tiger Tiger• Timebomb

Clothing• Walkabout • Yates’s Wine

Lodge

EASTCROYDON:• Builders Arms • Glamorgan • Orchard • Oval • Porter & Sorter • Tramlink Info

Centre• Warehouse

Theatre

ADDISCOMBE:• Alma Tavern • Claret Free Hse• Cricketers

WESTCROYDON:• Bird in Hand • Bodyworks

Whitehorse Rd• Davys Wine Bar • Forbidden Planet• Fox and Hounds• Windmill

SOUTH END &SOUTHCROYDON:• Bodega• Croham Arms • Crown & Pepper • Crown & Sceptre • Earl of Eldon• Edge • Folly • Jalalis • Kays Off Licence• LA Fitness

(Royal Oak)• La Spezia Deli

(Old Pharmacy - Swan &

Sugarloaf)• Laithwaite’s

Wines (opp. Windsor Castle)

• Peking Tasty • Purley Arms • Rail View• Red Deer • Rupali• Ruskin House • Sackville Gallery • Scream Studios• Stag & Hounds• Sth Croydon BR • Swan &

Sugarloaf • Txt Bar• Treehouse• Unwins (Swan &

Sugarloaf)• Wheelwrights

Arms • Windsor Castle• Woodman • Zizzi

PURLEY:• Baan Thai• Brass Monkey• Coffee Bay

(by Purley BR)• Elliott’s• Jolly Farmers

• Las Fuentes • Rectory• Purley BR• Purley Pool• Purley Oaks BR• Station Cars

(Purley BR)

PURLEY WAY:• Gipsy Moth• Premier Travel

Inn Hotel• Green’s Gym

SANDERST’D:• Sanderstead BR• Stones Hair

Salon• Wine Cellar

SHIRLEY:• Cricketers• Crown• Sandrock • Shirley Inn • Surprise Inn

FORESTDALE:• Forestdale Arms• McDermott’s

Fish Restaurant

SELHURST:• Clifton Arms• Pepperton UK• Selhurst Arms• Two Brewers

THORNTONHEATH:• The Lord Napier

WOODSIDEGREEN:• Beehive

SOUTHNORWOOD:• Portmanor

KENLEY:• Kenley Arms

WHYTELEAFE:• Whyteleafe

Tavern

Deep-London AdvertisingRate Card:

eighth page: £50quarter page: £100half page: £175full page: £300- cover prices on request -

all prices are per month, full colourdiscounts available for block booking etc

FREE advert design service

To advertise please call Angela the Editor on:07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

Got something going on?We’re not psychic, people - let usknow! What’s on listings are FREE!

Call Angela on 07910 506197 or 020 8680 3558 or e-mail:angela@deep-london.co.uk

What’s on? 21full weekly and daily guide

Pubs, Clubs, Bars 38

Restaurants 41

Cabs / Hotels / Music 43

Cinema / Theatre 43

Adult 43

All our information was correct at the time ofgoing to press, but as the only certainty inlife is change, we suggest you check beforeheading out. The opinions and reviews whichfollow are those of the Editor and staff - ifyou have an issue to raise about them, pleasering us, rather than the venue.

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20

21

Book Now For:• Comedy: Totally LoopedTOTALLY LOOPED is a hilarious film-themed show featuring Britain's topcomedians. After taking Hollywood bystorm, TOTALLY LOOPED comes to theUK for the first time. Sparked byaudience suggestion, our comedians dubimprovised dialogue over ever-changingfilm clips, as well as playing a range offilm-themed comedy games. So join thecream of Britain's improv talent for anight at the movies. Only, not quite asyou remember them! ‘The only thingmore fun than performing in TotallyLooped is watching Totally Looped andlaughing myself silly!'--Dan Castellaneta (The Voice of HomerSimpson)Looping in the UK will be:Phill Jupitus, Marcus Brigstock, SanjeevBhaskar, Hattie Hayridge, Joe Liss,Toby Hadoke, Pippa Evans, The PennyDreadfuls, Natalie Haverstock, TomWateracre. The show will run 2 Feb - 15March at 22 top-flight venuesthroughout the UK. For dates and placesvisit www.totallylooped.co.uk• Theatre: FrankensteinEXIT THEATRE CO-OP Proudly presentsFRANKENSTEIN 1930. Adapted fromMary Shelley’s book by Fred Carmichaelat the Charles Cryer Studio Theatre39 High Street, Carshalton SM5 3BBThurs.12th, Fri.13th & Sat.14th February2009 7.45pm + Matinee Sat.14th at2pm. BOX OFFICE TEL: 020 8770 6990Tickets £9.50/£7 concs.

Every Day:• Theatre: Yound Dick BartonUntil Sunday 22nd February - NOTMONDAYS.This new episode takes Dick back to hisearly days travelling from stiff upper lip1930s Britain to Australia via Arabiatrying to unravel the decipher and foilanother evil plot. A legendary tweed suitpromises its wearer ultimate power.Dick must scour the globe to reunite thepieces of the mysterious suit, to stop itfalling into the wrong hands - and towin the girl of his dreams. With non-stop action The Devil Wears Tweedfeatures new songs, brings backfavourite characters and introducesfamiliar faces from the past - fromHollywood's Irving Berlin to cricket heroDon Bradman. "An energetic and

talented cast tell this tale of derring-dowith great aplomb.As well as delivering virtuoso comicperformances, they also sing withvigour,and even double up as the band for themusical numbers - such dashed goodfun!' The Times on a previous episode.Various times and prices. Please call 020 8680 4060or visit the websitewww.warehousetheatre.co.ukThe Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon• Event: Ice SkatingThe glorious Somerset House Ice Rinkstays open until January 25th.“Open all day and into the night sevendays a week until the end of January,Somerset House Ice Rink is a treat forevery Londoner. Friends can celebratethe festive season at moonlitLate Skate sessions, or skate to London'ssharpest DJs at DJ Nights in January.Everyone can hone their skills atJanuary's Skate School.The Skate Café and Bar is open frombreakfast to late evening daily with atempting selection of quality comfortfood and hot drinks. Spectators arealways welcome to come along andwatch, so bring friends and relax in thecafe after your skate or round off thenight with a glass of bubbly. Ticketsfrom £10.50 - £15. Family ticketsavailable.Somerset House, Strand, LondonWC2R 1LABooking: 0844 847 1520 (booking withTicketmaster)www.somersethouse.org.uk• Exhibition: Statue PhiliaUntil 25 January 2009The British Museum has one of theworld’s most celebrated and diversecollections of sculpture, dating fromprehistory to the present day. Since itsfoundation in 1753, the Museum hasconsistently engaged with thecontemporary world, both in itscollecting and its displays. These twothemes are brought together inStatuephilia, for which five of Britain’sleading artists have contributed asculpture responding to these world-famous collections. Renowned Britishsculptor Henry Moore spoke of ‘thedelight, the excitement, the inspiration’he received from his visits to the BritishMuseum, and this remains true for thesculptors of today. Antony Gormley and

Ron Mueck are represented here bymonumental sculptures, Marc Quinnpremieres a dazzling gold statue of KateMoss, while Damien Hirst and Nobleand Webster have created provocativenew works inspired by the Museum’scollections. These five installations showhow our understanding of modern artcan be deepened by placing it in anhistoric, global context and reveal justhow relevant the art of the past is totoday. Statuephilia encourages us tolook afresh at both modern and ancientart, to explore the similarities as well asdifferences between eras and cultures,and to remind ourselves of the perennialpower of sculpture.FREE ADMISSIONThe Museum is open daily, 10.00–17.30The British Museum, Great RussellStreet, London WC1B 3DGwww.britishmuseum.org

Every Monday:• Market: Surrey StreetLondon’s oldest continuously runningmarket since 1276, with fruit and veg,bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food,all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydonwww.surreystreetmarket.com• Music: Free Your VoiceWorld a capella singing drop-in.Beginners 6.30pm, intermediate 7.45pm.Workshop rooms at The Clocktower,Katharine Street. For more details phoneCate on 020 8683 4737 or e-mailcatherine@naturalvoice.net.• Music: Folk and Blues ClubFrom 8pm. Prices vary depending onartist. Call Brian on 0208 698 5322 forfurther info. Licensed bar. RuskinHouse,Coombe Road, CRO. • Music: Big Beer BandThe 8 million Big Beer Band musiciansdo their big-band thang at the Brief.From 9pm ishTheBrief, George Street, Croydon• Games: Free PoolEvery Monday at The Alma.The Alma Tavern129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842• Lifestyle: Croydon Life ClubEvery Monday 7.30-9.00pm £15.00 perworkshop (Concessions given)Croydon Life Club, St Mildred’s Centre Bingham Road, Addiscombe, CR0 7EBMore info visit: www.lifeclubs.co.uk

what’s on Something to do every night of the week, Yay!

22

• Dance: Ballroom & LatinAmericanBallroom and latin American classes withstars from BB1 show “Strictly ComeDancing” Fairfield Halls Croydon onMonday evenings for all abilities. 8 week course. Booking essential.Telephone 07944 931130,www.karenhardystudios.com

Every Tuesday:• Market: Surrey StreetLondon’s oldest continuously runningmarket since 1276, with fruit and veg,bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food,all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydonwww.surreystreetmarket.com• Fitness: Yoga ClassesEvery Tuesday from 7.30pm-9pm. £5 aclass for 6 sessions. Beginners welcome. 140 Brighton Road, Purley.0208 763 2629• Dance: Belly DancingCome and join the fun every Tuesday.Classes are for women only andsuitable for all ages, sizes and levels ofability. Make sure you wearcomfortable clothing and bring a scarfto tie around your hips to really getyou in the mood!Open level - suitable for all 6pm-7.15pmIn depth class - suitable forexperienced dancers only: 7.30pm-8.45pm. £7 per class. Call Charlotte Desorgheron 01342 850423The Green Room, Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG.Box Office: 020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk• Dance: CerocLearn to Ceroc every Tuesday in theArnhem Gallery. Ceroc is an excitingand stylish modern partner dancewhich can be performed to all types ofmusic. It’s very easy to pick up, nospecial clothes are required and youdon’t need to bring a partner as wemake sure everyone mixes together. Beginners: 8pm; Intermediate: 9pmFreestyle: 9.30pm-11pmMembership £2, Admission £6For further info tel: 020 8466 5030or visit: www.cerockent.comFairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR91DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk

• Quiz: The Builders ArmsGeneral knowledge quiz, always wellsupported, from 9pm.The Builders Arms• Quiz: The SandrockMusic/general knowledge quiz from8.30pm every Tuesday.The Sandrock, Upper Shirley Rd, Shirley,CR0. 020 8662 1931.• Quiz: The CrownFrom 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley,020 8662 7801• Quiz: Dog and Bullfrom 9ish. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon• Club: Beautiful PeopleBeautiful people is on every Tuesdaynight. This long running alternative nightcontinues to leap ahead having beenahead of the pack in the past playingnu-metal and screamo we are nowmoving into playing a majority of emo.Our recent celebrity visitors haveincluded My Chemical Romance (wewere first UK club to play them) andAlkaline trio alongside them wechampioned FalloutBoy and Panic at the Disco. Resident DJZoe Urchin also blends in ska (MadCaddies to Specials to Desmond Dekker)and punk ( Undertones to Afi to Greenday to Minor Threat) some new schoolrock (Trivium to Queens of stone age)and a pinch of hip hop and dance(Pendulum to Kano). Drinks deals are anunbeatable £2 for Jack daniels and coke,£1.50 for house spirits and two bottledbeers for £311pm-3am. £3 flyer/conc beforemidnight £5 after or otherwise all nighttheres a full listing, downlaodable flyer,photo gallery , Djs picks and links to ourmy space page www.wolfshead.co.ukMetro, Basement 19 Oxford StreetLondon W1, www.wolfshead.co.uk• Club: Common People The best indie night in your life! EVER!£1 entry before 10pm, £2 after, £1drinks till 11pm!Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Every Wednesday:• Market: Surrey StreetLondon’s oldest continuously runningmarket since 1276, with fruit and veg,bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food,all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydonwww.surreystreetmarket.com• Event: Pool Competition NEW!The weekly pool competition returns tothe Oval, from 7pm. £2 in, cash prizes.The Oval Tavern, Oval Road, EastCroydon.

• Gay: Club Camp GAY night at the sheep with cabaret at11pm + electro, sleeze and cheese tilllate from Linton. Doors at 8pm, £5 after9pmwww.blacksheepbar.com/clubcamp.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Gay: Camp Bingo - NEWhosted by Miss Isla Blige. Starts 8pmwith various prizes. Happy Hour Drinkswhen you buy your books until the firstnumber is called.The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net

Every Thursday:• Market: Surrey StreetLondon’s oldest continuously runningmarket since 1276, with fruit and veg,bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food,all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydonwww.surreystreetmarket.com• Music: Live JazzEvery Thursday lunchtime from12.30pm. FREE! Cafe Opera, CroydonClocktower, Katharine Street, CR0. 0208253 1030.www.croydon.gov.uk/clocktower• Music: The New Delta Big BandFrom Ellington to Herman, big band jazzat its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE!Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of themonth.The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286• Music: The Brian HetheringtonJazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms ofNew Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE!Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the

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month.The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286• Music: Open Micat The Good Companions, HamseyGreen, South Croydon, every Thursday8.30 p.m. Musicians ( Guitarists orothers with any ‘reasonable’ instrument), Duo’s, Trios, Singers, welcome Tel:0208 6576655.wwwthegoodcompanions.com The Good Companions, Hamsey Green,South Croydon• Club: XplosiveThe Wolfshead alternative mafia try anew night at this poular South Londonbar known up until now for its danceevents just around the corner fromBrixton tube. Into its plush surroundingswill come DJ Zoe Urchin and guestscunningly blendingly together an eclecticromp through the alternative genrefeaturing indie (Arctics to White Stripes),emo, (My Chemical Romance to Panicat the Dsico), alternative rock ( Systemof a Down to Green Day), punk (Misfitsto Blink 182) ,ska ( Specials to Less thanjake)and alternative dance (Pendulum toKanye). Drinks deals are Jack daniels andcoke £2.50, house spirits and mixer£2.00 and 2 selected beers for £3.10pm- 3am£3 before midnight, £5 after less forstudents/flyers/members. flyer todownload at websitewww.wolfshead.co.ukTongue and Groove, 50 Atlantic RoadBrixton• Gay: DiscotekMidweek gay music club with worldclass music. Two rooms of music everyThursday with 'The Phunked Up Disco'in the lounge and pumping house vibesin the main room. Resident DJs Femi B,Jeffrey Hinton, Luke Hope, GuyWilliams, Paul Heron, Tom McMillan,plus international and UK guests.Weekly pre-party @ The Edge andCandy Bar (from 2100) The End, 18West Central St London WC1A 1JJ. 0207419 9199 www.endclub.com• Club: Rock NightSouth London’s biggest and best rocknight. Live music every Thursday from8-9.30. FREE before 10pm and mostdrinks are at happy hour prices till9pm...what more do you want?! Bandsare followed by DJ Tony X.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233.

www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Dance: Salsa De Cubawith Leo & Co. Classes from 8pmfollowed by club salsa until 1am.The Norbury Complex, 1300 LondonRoad, Croydon. 020 8679 0632.• Dance: Simply SalsaLearn to dance salsa every Thursday.Beginners welcome. No partner required.Classes from 7.30pm, club til midnight.Admission £7.00 class and club, £3.00club only. It’s fun and friendly, monthlySunday’s also!! For further info.simplysalsa@ukonline.co.uk 07957 431216 or 07759 584591The Treehouse, South End, Croydon• Dance: Clog DancingFree taster sessions for newcomers to tryout some lively N.W. English clog teamdances - wear trainers or similarfootwear. Musicians with portableacoustic instruments always welcometoo. PLEASE CALL BEFORE HEADINGOUT, as some Thursdays this night is noton. 8.30 pm. FREE! Call 020 86545211/020 8657 4056 (eves.) for detailsUnited Reformed Church Hall, cornerEnmore/Cobden Road, S. Norwood• Dance: Morris DancingNorth Wood Morris Men are teachingMen's Morris to complete beginners onThursday evenings at the Scout Hut inPurley Park Road at 8.15 pm andnewcomers are welcome(first call 020 8668 1830) seewww.northwoodmorris.org.uk• Dance: Soca / CalypsoBeginners welcome and rum punchserved! The Newton Arms, 175 QueensRoad, Croydon, 020 8684 7654• Dance: The South East LondonLindy Hop Club Come and learn to dance Lindy Hop(Jitterbug) like they did in the 1940's.No partner required and Caron andSteve specialise in helping those withtwo left feet get together with thosewith two right.Doors open 7.30pmBeginners Class 7.45pmIntermediate Class 8.30pmFreestyle (practice) 9.15pmThe Royston Club, 85 Royston RoadPenge, London, SE20 7QWwww.52ndstreetjump.co.uk• Karaoke: Arkwrights WheelAll together now... Arkwrights Wheel,151 North End, CR0. 020 8649 8638.

• Karaoke: Selhurst ArmsThursday night would appear to bekaraoke night bleedin’ everywhere...From 8pm. Selhurst Arms, Selhurst Rd, SE25.• Quiz: Purley ArmsQuiz-a-rama, every Thursday from8.30pm, £1 in for cash prizes + othergoodies. Purley Arms, 345 BrightonRoad, South Croydon, 020 8686 3792• Quiz: CricketersGeneral knowlegde quiz with £50 prize.The Cricketers, 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER020 8655 3507• Music: BoulevardLive music while you eat. Boulevard, 7-8Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Road, SouthCroydon. 020 8649 9990.• Music: Open MicQuiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. ww.thegoodcompanions.comLimpsfield Road, South Croydon0208 657 6655• Quiz: The ValleyFrom 9.00pm Mike K’s generalknowledge quizThe Valley, 76 Croydon Road, Caterham

Every Friday:• Market: Surrey StreetLondon’s oldest continuously runningmarket since 1276, with fruit and veg,bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food,all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydonwww.surreystreetmarket.com• Photography: Camera ClubCamera Club meeting in West Croydonevery Friday night welcomes visitors andnew members. Full programme ofevents including print/slide talks, portraitevenings, competitions, etc.Ample parking.Contact Colin on 020 8665 1678. Visitwww.thorntonheathcameraclub.co.uk• Club: DJ Night Every Friday.Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon• Club: UpstairsDJ's including Louis from Choice FM.Drink promotion from 9pm - 11pm withall house spirits £2. The only club inCroydon licensed until 3am. Entry £3before 11pm and £5 after. Free entry todiners of the restaurant. Guest list andvenue hire available, please contact 0208688 9837 for details.www.treehousepeople.comUpstairs, above Treehouse restaurant

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78 South End, CR0020 8688 9837• Music: DJ Party NightThe Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road,Croydon, 020 8684 7654• Karaoke: Karaoke MadnessSingalong fun with Jerry Baker & Co inthe bar from 9pm.The Norbury, The Norbury Complex,1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632.• Club: Club Zonefollowing on from Karaoke Madness isClub Zone @ The Edge Nightclubplaying club & party classics with guestDJs, open til 3am. The Edge Nightclub,The Norbury Complex, 1300 LondonRoad, Croydon. 020 8679 0632.• Club: Dj Steve Mapp in themain room Dj Mark B in SurfersAll Drinks £1.50 5pm to 9pmDress code: Smart casual.Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon• Karaoke: Forestdale ArmsFeatherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260.• Karaoke: Swan & SugarloafSwan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd,CR0. 020 8686 2562• Karaoke: The NorburyFrom 9pm. The Norbury Complex, 1300London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632.• Music: Alma TavernLive music. Alma Tavern, 129 LwrAddiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8654 5842.• Music: Jolly FarmersLive music every FridayJolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (onPurley Cross) 020 8660 2076• Singles: Swan & SugarloafOver 30 single’s night in the functionroom. Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 BrightonRd, CR0. 020 8686 2562• Music: Mama K’s Blues BarMama K's blues bar, run by localblues/rock musicians, open jam from 8pm, full backline provided. Main band10pm. Licensed bar. £2 entry. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. 020 8661 0183

Every Saturday:• Market: Surrey StreetLondon’s oldest continuously runningmarket since 1276, with fruit and veg,bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food,all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydonwww.surreystreetmarket.com

• Dance: Bollywood Groove &BhangraFunky and energetic dance class.Beginners and improvers welcome.Come along and bring your friends.From 12.30pm – 1.30pm. £5 a class.Free parking available. Ground Floor, Dance & Drama StudioArchbishop Lanfranc, Croydon,Surrey, CR9 3AS.Tel: 020 8776 1717 or 07932 530 370• Games: Pool CompetitionFrom 3pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CR0. 020 8688 5674.

• Games: Pool / DominoTournamentsin the afternoon - call for more details.The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road,Croydon, 020 8684 7654• Music: DJ Party NightThe Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road,Croydon, 020 8684 7654• Music: Jolly FarmersLive music every SaturdayJolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (onPurley Cross) 020 8660 2076• Club: Saturday Night WithLinton and Friends A plethora of musical carnage from thebeast of butch and his followers…Dance floor fillers, cheese and sleaze.Open til stupid-o’clock in the morning.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Club: The Big DoubleClassic hits in the bar from 9pmfollowed by guest acts and DJs at TheEdge, open til 3am. The Norbury & TheEdge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 LondonRoad, Croydon. 020 8679 0632• Club: Dj Andy B in the mainroom & Dj Randy T in surfersAll drinks £1.50 7pm to 9pmDress code: Smart casual.Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon• Club: UpstairsSee ‘Every Friday’ for full details.Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant78 South End, CR0, 020 8688 9837• Music: Live Music - NEWEvery Saturday.Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon

Every Sunday:• Music: Open MicAcoustic ‘ Open Mike’ night at The JollyFarmers, Purley, every Sunday 8.45 p.m.Tel: 0208 6602076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk The Jolly Farmers, on ‘Purley Cross’,Purley• Quiz: Good CompanionsQuiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m.www.thegoodcompanions.comLimpsfield Road, South Croydon0208 657 6655• Music: Open MicAll welcome! The Newton Arms, 175Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654• Karaoke: Karaoke MadnessWith Jacko and Co + DJ in the bar til1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632• Club: Disco GoldUntil 1am. FREE! before 10pm.The Edge Nightclub. The NorburyComplex, 1300 London Road, Croydon.020 8679 0632• Club: Croydon BackgammonClubSundays from 8PM.Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon• Quiz: Forestdale ArmsWeekly music quiz. Forestdale Arms,Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260• Quiz: The CrownFrom 8.30pm The Crown, 28 WickhamRoad, Shirley, 020 8662 7801• Quiz: The Rail View Every Sunday from 8.30pm.The Rail View188 Selsdon Rd, CR2020 8688 2315• Quiz: The Kenley HotelFrom 9.00pm Mike K’s generalknowledge quizThe Kenley Hotel, 68, Godstone Road,Kenley CR8 5AA• Music: Live New Orleans JazzEvery Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at TheLord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dancefloor, raffle, great atmosphere at one ofthe longest running Jazz Pubs in GreatBritainThe Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Got something going on? Let us know -

e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

what’s on

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Thu 01 January2009HAPPY NEW YEAR!• Event: National Hangover DayIt’s National Hangover Day at TheDragon! Come down for Fry-Ups,Water, maybe even Hair Of The Dog.And if you've got your head together bythe evening, join Wendy's Pub Quiz...Open from midday - 10.30pmThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metalnight with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, freebefore 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursdayBlack Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: The New Delta Big BandFrom Ellington to Herman, big band jazzat its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE!Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of themonth.The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Quiz: JF Big QuizFrom 8pm.The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, PurleySurrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Crown and SceptreFun general knowledge quiz. EveryThursday from 9pm.Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road,South Croydon, 020 8688 8037• Club: Keep It MovingDetails tbcLoop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Fri 02• Poetry: Poets AnonymousNew Year’s Resolution - Friday Poetry atthe Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,

Croydon, Surrey. Floor spots. From8pm. £2 waged, £1 unwaged. ContactPeter for further details;peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956• Karaoke: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8.30pm every Friday night.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the bestIndie, Pop and Alternative all night long.guitar party night playing a wide rangeof music crossing genres and time lines :from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT,Vampire Weekend via indie superstarsStone Roses, Primal Scream throughelectro like Justice, Does It Offend YouYeah and Pendulum to more well knownretro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks,Specials, Beatles and alternative rocktunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters andFallout boy.Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website fortimes and prices.Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon,020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk• Music: DJsThe regular Oval faves plus guestskeeping the Oval funky on FridaysThe Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023

www.myspace.com/ovaltavern

Sat 03• Club: DJ Rob Deltaplaying a gargantuan mix of 60s + 70ssoul, blues, rock, funk, jazz, latin,psychedelia, reggae & ska every 1stSaturday of the month. 8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beat-seeking missiles. Never outgunnedThe biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTONBecause it's war on the dancefloor.Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pmBlack Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.

020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: Drum ‘n’ Bass NightDnB DJs.The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayThe Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayPortmanor, Portland Road, SouthNorwood, SE25 4UF• Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website fortimes and prices.Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon,020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk

Sun 04• Music: Live New Orleans JazzEvery Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at TheLord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dancefloor, raffle, great atmosphere at one ofthe longest running Jazz Pubs in GreatBritain The Lord Napier, 111 BeulahRoad, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286• Music: Live JazzLunchtime Jazz - act tbc, 1pm start.FREE! www.jazznet.co.ukThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Club: Noise Details tbc, check the website...Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Music: Open Mic SundaysLive music every SundayThe Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon

what’s on Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on

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• Music: Live AcousticLive Acoustic Music every Sunday from5.30pm - 7.00pm. for more info visitwww.halfandhalf.uk.comHalf and Half Lounge Bar,282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG020 8726 0080 • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website fortimes and prices.Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon,020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk• Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road,Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Music: Open MicJam evening, acoustic open mic. Allwelcome..The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon• Event: Malden Mud Race Go and watch a load of nutters try torace across a sea of mud. 11.30am.Entry £1. Promenade Park, Maldon, Essexwww.maldonmudrace.com

Mon 05• Music: The Big Beer BandLive big-band music. Every Mondayfrom 9ish. FREE!The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Music: Croydon Jazz BandBig band jazz - 1st Monday of everymonth Botley Hill Farmhouse,Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey,CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154email: enquiries@botleyhill-farmhouse.co.uk• Music: Croydon Folk and BluesClub Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com,www.croydonfolksongclub.org.ukTickets from:- www.wegottickets.com• Gay: The Big Fun Gay QuizNightThe Big Fun Gay Quiz Night – fun andgeneral knowledge quiz. Questionsfrom all categories, games that everyonecan enjoy. Start the week off with abang! Starts 8pm.The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,

Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net• Club: Blue MondaysFree Pool all day or all night if you worklocally in Croydon* Every Monday all ofour members who work in Croydon, canenjoy the pleasure of free pool all day &night, so long as you buy a minimum oftwo drinks from the bar. It's as simple asthat! So if you feel the itch to play aframe, but not to feel it in your pocket,get down to Loop on Mondays!* How to claim your free pool onMondays - Free pool if you work inCroydon and buy 2 drinks. If you workin Croydon and are a member of LoopLounge, bring down a payslip or similarproof of where you work. Then buy aminimum of two drinks from the barand you can play pool for all day or allevening at Loop Lounge. If you are nota member you can join up at receptionfree of charge if you bring some IDalong. More about free membership..Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website fortimes and prices.Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon,020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk

Tue 06• Event: Anna’s Cocktail NightThe Oval does kitsch! Great housecocktail menu complete with twiglets onthe bar. Watch out for Djs and guest livemusic slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: The Dog and BullFrom 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of playyour cards right and a sing-song.Mental. 50p in including sarnies.See article, April issue.The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon• Games: Poker NightEvery TuesdayWalkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown HillChurch street, Surrey, CR0 1RZTel: 0208 680 5559www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydonwww.walkabout.eu.com• Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indieand dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's.

what’s on Please mention Deep-London when visiting venues...

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Doors 7pm, £1 entry.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Club: Cocktail TuesdaysEvery Tuesday night Loop gives ourmembers and guests a opportunity tosample our new range of cocktails. If thecocktails get their seal of approval wegladly introduce them onto our existingcocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only£6, with this fabulous offer. Come ondown every Tuesday and go cocktailcrazy!.Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Pool: Pool Competitiondownstairs. 8pm startThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 07• Event: Pool CompetitionFrom 7pm - balls and banter, a textbooknight in the pub. £2 to enter - cashprizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Dance: DancerciseKeep fit and meet new people at thisfun and friendly beginners dance class.Come and join the fun everyWednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50.Central Court, Croydon Clocktower,Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk• Quiz: The EdgeWeekly quiz: gen knowledge / music /sport / missing link / mystery year. £50bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entryThe Edge, 1 South End, Croydon• Club: 2 Hours Free PoolMembers-only offer. If you are amember of Loop Lounge and spendmore than £8 on drinks at the bar youwill receive two hours of pool for free.If you are not already a member,membership is free but must be appliedfor in advance. Admission Midday untilmidnight Free admissionLoop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Gay: Camp Bingohosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks atHappy Hour Prices from when you buy

your books until the first number iscalled.The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net• Dance: Salsa LessonsEvery Wednesday from 8pm. £3.The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 08• Music: The Brian HetheringtonJazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms ofNew Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE!Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of themonth.The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Quiz: JF Big Quiz

From 8pm.The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, PurleySurrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Crown and SceptreFun general knowledge quiz. EveryThursday from 9pm.Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road,South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Fri 09• Music: DJsThe regular Oval faves plus guestskeeping the Oval funky on FridaysThe Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the bestIndie, Pop and Alternative all night long.guitar party night playing a wide rangeof music crossing genres and time lines :from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT,Vampire Weekend via indie superstarsStone Roses, Primal Scream throughelectro like Justice, Does It Offend YouYeah and Pendulum to more well knownretro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks,Specials, Beatles and alternative rocktunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and

what’s on Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

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what’s on Fallout boy.Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Karaoke: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8.30pm every Friday night.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Club: DJ BennyManyHatsFREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Comedy: Croydon Comedy ClubLive stand-up at the Fairfield, everyfortnight. 8.30pm - £9.Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon,020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk

Sat 10• Poetry: Poets AnonymousSaturday Poetry in the Primary Room,United Reformed Church, AddiscombeGrove, Croydon, Surrey. 2.30-4.00pm.£1.50. Bring your poetry to read andshare. Contact Peter for further details;

peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956• Club: DJ Samplaying a plethora of aural delights.FREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beat-seeking missiles. Never outgunned. Thebiggest dancefloor monsters from DJLINTON. Because it's war on thedancefloor. Doors 7pm..Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: Ten Foot Nun / ArcaneRoots / Eureka MachineA Frantic Promos night of live music.From 8pm. A 16+ event - bring ID.The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayThe Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayPortmanor, Portland Road, SouthNorwood, SE25 4UF

• Music: Size Nine9pm-2am. Email sizenineband@hotmail.co.uk for£6 concessionsSize Nine on stage at 11pmishWater Rats, 328 Grays Inn Road,London WC1X 8BZ• Music: Debbie FreerRnB & pop. 9.25pm. FREE!Jolly Farmers, Purleywww.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Sun 11• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Music: Live JazzLunchtime Jazz. Act tbc. 1pm start.FREE! www.jazznet.co.ukThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Music: Open Mic SundaysLive music every SundayThe Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Music: Live New Orleans JazzEvery Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at TheLord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dancefloor, raffle, great atmosphere at one ofthe longest running Jazz Pubs in GreatBritainThe Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286www.fairfield.co.uk• Music: Open Mic FREE!The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road,Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8pm.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Music: Open MicJam evening, acoustic open mic. Allwelcome..The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

29

• Club: Bangers The live hip-hop jam. Featuring: Kingpin- E.O.W HOST, The Krate Krusaders -MPC PRODUCTION SHOWCASEDEFT - Croydon connection show - thelatest compilation from the CronxMarvin Hagglar - SMOOTH OGRHYMES. Hosted by Olliver SuddenDJ's: Blue Movies + Al Mighty + Markolive artwork from TJ + guests.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Theatre: Circus Of HorrorsApocalypse In The Asylum - brand newshow. 8pm. £12.50 - 21.50Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon,020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk

Mon 12• Music: The Big Beer BandLive big-band music. Every Mondayfrom 9ish. FREE!The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Music: Croydon Folk and BluesClub Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com,www.croydonfolksongclub.org.ukTickets from:- www.wegottickets.com• Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with musicfrom The Katie and Alex Show. Doors7pm, free before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Club: Blue MondaysFree Pool all day or all night if you worklocally in Croydon* Every Monday all ofour members who work in Croydon, canenjoy the pleasure of free pool all day &night, so long as you buy a minimum oftwo drinks from the bar. It's as simple asthat! So if you feel the itch to play aframe, but not to feel it in your pocket,get down to Loop on Mondays!* How to claim your free pool onMondays - Free pool if you work inCroydon and buy 2 drinks. If you workin Croydon and are a member of LoopLounge, bring down a payslip or similar

proof of where you work. Then buy aminimum of two drinks from the barand you can play pool for all day or allevening at Loop Lounge. If you are nota member you can join up at receptionfree of charge if you bring some IDalong. More about free membership..Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Gay: The Big Fun Gay QuizNightfun and general knowledge quiz.Questions from all categories, games

that everyone can enjoy. Start the weekoff with a bang! Starts 8pmThe Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net

what’s on Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Card ofReason

Eat some food!

Buy bar snacks for all of

your group...1

Smoking Bonus

You must drink your drink in the

beer garden, if thepub has one,

regardless of the weather or if you smoke2

GET OUT OFJAIL FREE!

You are exemptfrom the in-jail

round. Re-throwfrom the pubyou’re in...3

Super Lottery

Play a £1 game onthe next quiz/fruitmachine you see...

4

Card of Horror

Buy everyone inyour group a dangerously

colourful drink inthe next pub you

arrive at...5

Forfeit

Lead your group ina sing-along or

conga. Attempt toinvolve as many

people as possible...6

ForfeitYou’ve won 2ndprize in a beauty

contest. Attempt toexplain this to amember of the

opposite sex, not inyour group...1

Dividend

The person sitting directly

to your left owes you a

drink...2

Spirit Card

Roll the die. Evens= order

everyone in yourgroup a single spirit

of their choice, Odds= order a

double3

Card ofReason

Eat some food!Buy bar snacks forall of your group...

4

Super Tax

Stay in the pubyou are in foranother drink.

It’s your round...5

Be Nice Bonus

Buy whoever isserving you a drink of

their choice

6

How To Play:Get some people together to form a team, some cash anda die. If you play the basic game there is no ‘winner’, it’sthe taking part that counts... Start at Go. Throw the dieand proceed to the pub that corresponds to the numberthrown. You can move either way around the board. Havea drink in the pub landed on. Repeat... Minimum number of pubs possible in one round: 4.Maximum number: 20Variations:Race Game: Get at least 2 teams of 4, each with a boardand die. Decide on a start /finish point/pub. Meet up, splitup, play the basic game and see who gets back to thestart/finish point first. Suicidal Game: Abandon the dice and visit every pub inturn, again in either direction.

Corner Squares:If you land on any of the corner squares, stay where youare and have another drink. The game then resumes by re-throwing from the pub you are in. Go To Jail:Land here and it’s your round in whichever pub you arecurrently in. The player who lands here then re-throws,starting from the pub you’re still in. If they get an oddnumber, they buy the next round too. Throw an evennumber and you’re free!

Chance:If you land on either a red or blue chance square, staywhere you are and re-throw the die. Obey thecorresponding chance card of that number and colour. Re-throw again to move on.

BONUS PUBS:You are at the mercy of the bar staff, proffer your copy ofCroydopoly! at them and see what happens, could benothing, could be something - who knows...

Legal Stuff: All pubs reserve the right to refuse admission.Please drink responsibly and know your limits. Deepcannot be held responsible for any loss / damage etc.www.drinkaware.co.uk

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what’s on

Tue 13• Music: Open Mic NightSimon’s blues and acoustic open micnight - we let you entertain us! From8.30pm The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: The Dog and BullFrom 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of playyour cards right and a sing-song.Mental. 50p in including sarnies.See article, April issue.The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon• Games: Poker NightEvery TuesdayWalkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown HillChurch street, Surrey, CR0 1RZTel: 0208 680 5559www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydonwww.walkabout.eu.com• Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indieand dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's.Doors 7pm, £1 entry.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Club: Cocktail TuesdaysEvery Tuesday night Loop gives ourmembers and guests a opportunity tosample our new range of cocktails. If thecocktails get their seal of approval wegladly introduce them onto our existingcocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only£6, with this fabulous offer. Come ondown every Tuesday and go cocktailcrazy!.Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Pool: Pool Competitiondownstairs. 8pm startThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Music: Freedom Of Expressionwith Michael Berk, General Paulus, SteveMayne, Mississippi MacDonald. 8pm.FREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Comedy: Free Fringe BenefitSean Lock, Robin Ince and others (to beannounced) headline this show ofstandup to benefit the Free Fringe for2009 and the future. “The Free Fringehas become a major part of the

Edinburgh Fringe. Performers don't payto play; the public doesn't pay to watch.Founded and directed by Peter BuckleyHill, we started from a single show in1996, and in 2008 grew to 1973performances of 115 shows. We'rehoping to grow further and carry onbringing free shows to Edinburgh inAugust as long as there's an Edinburghand an August.”Tickets £20 (£15 conc)Bloomsbuty Theatre, 15 Gordon StreetLondon, WC1H 0AHwww.thebloomsbury.comfreefringe.org.uk

Wed 14• Event: Pool CompetitionFrom 7pm - balls and banter, a textbooknight in the pub. £2 to enter - cashprizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Dance: DancerciseKeep fit and meet new people at thisfun and friendly beginners dance class.Come and join the fun everyWednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50.Central Court, Croydon Clocktower,Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk• Quiz: The EdgeWeekly quiz: gen knowledge / music /sport / missing link / mystery year. £50bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entryThe Edge, 1 South End, Croydon• Club: 2 Hours Free PoolMembers-only offer. If you are amember of Loop Lounge and spendmore than £8 on drinks at the bar youwill receive two hours of pool for free.If you are not already a member,membership is free but must be appliedfor in advance. Admission Midday untilmidnight Free admissionLoop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Gay: Camp Bingohosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks atHappy Hour Prices from when you buyyour books until the first number iscalled.The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net• Dance: Salsa LessonsEvery Wednesday from 8pm. £3.

The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 15• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metalnight with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, freebefore 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursdayBlack Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: The New Delta Big BandFrom Ellington to Herman, big band jazzat its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE!Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of themonth.The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Quiz: JF Big QuizFrom 8pm.The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, PurleySurrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Crown and SceptreFun general knowledge quiz. EveryThursday from 9pm.Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road,South Croydon, 020 8688 8037• Theatre: A Midsummer Night’sDreamRoyal Shakespeare Company. From 15thJan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.ukThe Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Fri 16• Music: DJsThe regular Oval faves plus guestskeeping the Oval funky on FridaysThe Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the bestIndie, Pop and Alternative all night long.

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

34

what’s on guitar party night playing a wide rangeof music crossing genres and time lines :from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT,Vampire Weekend via indie superstarsStone Roses, Primal Scream throughelectro like Justice, Does It Offend YouYeah and Pendulum to more well knownretro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks,Specials, Beatles and alternative rocktunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters andFallout boy.Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Karaoke: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8.30pm every Friday night.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Music: Red HerringRock covers. 9.30pm. FREE!Jolly Farmers, Purleywww.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Club: DJ BennyManyHatsFREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Sat 17• Club: DJ Samplaying a plethora of aural delights.FREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beat-seeking missiles. Never outgunned. Thebiggest dancefloor monsters from DJLINTON. Because it's war on thedancefloor. Doors 7pm..Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayThe Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayPortmanor, Portland Road, SouthNorwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 18• Music: Open MicJam evening, acoustic open mic. Allwelcome. The Dog and Bull, SurreyStreet, Croydon• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Music: Live JazzLunchtime Jazz. Act tbc. 1pm start.FREE! www.jazznet.co.ukThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Music: Open Mic SundaysLive music every SundayThe Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Music: Live New Orleans JazzEvery Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at TheLord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dancefloor, raffle, great atmosphere at one ofthe longest running Jazz Pubs in GreatBritainThe Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286www.fairfield.co.uk• Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road,Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8pm.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Club: Trashville London's premier rockabilly/rock nroll/psychobilly mix! DJ's Bunny, JohnnySpazz, Flattop Dave from the InfamousFlattop Brothers and Major D Stroyerfrom the Rockin' Rollers...18th January isset to be another floor stampin' night!We'll also be showing B Movies andretro TV Shows throughout the night!Girls, get your skirts and dresses on,Boys, wear your best shirt and quiff yourhair and lets Rock the Joint!Free Entry B4 10pm, bar open til LATE!Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Mon 19• Music: The Big Beer BandLive big-band music. Every Mondayfrom 9ish. FREE!The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Gay: The Big Fun Gay QuizNightfun and general knowledge quiz.Questions from all categories, gamesthat everyone can enjoy. Start the weekoff with a bang! Starts 8pmThe Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net• Music: Croydon Folk and BluesClub Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com,www.croydonfolksongclub.org.ukTickets from:- www.wegottickets.com• Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with musicfrom The Katie and Alex Show. Doors7pm, free before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Club: Blue MondaysFree Pool all day or all night if you worklocally in Croydon* Every Monday all ofour members who work in Croydon, canenjoy the pleasure of free pool all day &night, so long as you buy a minimum oftwo drinks from the bar. It's as simple asthat! So if you feel the itch to play aframe, but not to feel it in your pocket,get down to Loop on Mondays!* How to claim your free pool onMondays - Free pool if you work inCroydon and buy 2 drinks. If you workin Croydon and are a member of LoopLounge, bring down a payslip or similarproof of where you work. Then buy aminimum of two drinks from the barand you can play pool for all day or allevening at Loop Lounge. If you are nota member you can join up at receptionfree of charge if you bring some IDalong. More about free membership..Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

35

what’s on

Tue 20• Event: Anna’s Cocktail NightThe Oval does kitsch! Great housecocktail menu complete with twiglets onthe bar. Watch out for Djs and guest livemusic slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: The Dog and BullFrom 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of playyour cards right and a sing-song.Mental. 50p in including sarnies.See article, April issue.The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon• Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indieand dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's.Doors 7pm, £1 entry.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: Freedom Of Expressionwith Steve Halliday and The Lucky Face+ opne mic. Upstairs. 8pm. FREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Club: Cocktail TuesdaysEvery Tuesday night Loop gives ourmembers and guests a opportunity tosample our new range of cocktails. If thecocktails get their seal of approval wegladly introduce them onto our existingcocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only£6, with this fabulous offer. Come ondown every Tuesday and go cocktailcrazy!.Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Pool: Pool Competitiondownstairs. 8pm startThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 21• Event: Pool CompetitionFrom 7pm - balls and banter, a textbooknight in the pub. £2 to enter - cashprizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Dance: DancerciseKeep fit and meet new people at thisfun and friendly beginners dance class.

Come and join the fun everyWednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50.Central Court, Croydon Clocktower,Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk• Quiz: The EdgeWeekly quiz: gen knowledge / music /sport / missing link / mystery year. £50bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entryThe Edge, 1 South End, Croydon• Club: 2 Hours Free PoolMembers-only offer. If you are amember of Loop Lounge and spendmore than £8 on drinks at the bar youwill receive two hours of pool for free.If you are not already a member,membership is free but must be appliedfor in advance. Admission Midday untilmidnight Free admissionLoop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Gay: Camp Bingohosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks atHappy Hour Prices from when you buyyour books until the first number iscalled.The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net• Dance: Salsa LessonsEvery Wednesday from 8pm. £3.The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/the_brief• Music: Hannah WhiteGuitarist / singer songwriter. 9pm. FREE!Jolly Farmers, Purleywww.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Thu 22• Music: The Brian HetheringtonJazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms ofNew Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE!Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of themonth.The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Quiz: JF Big Quiz

From 8pm.The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, PurleySurrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Crown and SceptreFun general knowledge quiz. EveryThursday from 9pm.Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road,South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Fri 23• Music: DJsThe regular Oval faves plus guestskeeping the Oval funky on FridaysThe Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the bestIndie, Pop and Alternative all night long.guitar party night playing a wide rangeof music crossing genres and time lines :from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT,Vampire Weekend via indie superstarsStone Roses, Primal Scream throughelectro like Justice, Does It Offend YouYeah and Pendulum to more well knownretro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks,Specials, Beatles and alternative rocktunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters andFallout boy.Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Karaoke: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8.30pm every Friday night.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Club: DJ BennyManyHatsFREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Comedy: Croydon Comedy ClubLive stand-up at the Fairfield, everyfortnight. 8.30pm - £9.Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon,020 8688 9291www.fairfield.co.uk• Music: Original BlueCovers. 9.30pm. FREE!Jolly Farmers, Purleywww.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

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what’s on

Sat 24• Club: DJ BennyManyHatsPlaying the way only Benny can!8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: DJ Samplaying a plethora of aural delights.FREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beat-seeking missiles. Never outgunned. Thebiggest dancefloor monsters from DJLINTON. Because it's war on thedancefloor. Doors 7pm..Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayThe Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayPortmanor, Portland Road, SouthNorwood, SE25 4UF• Music: Dazed and ConfusedCovers. 9.30pm. FREE!Jolly Farmers, Purleywww.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Sun 25• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Music: Live JazzLunchtime Jazz. Act tbc. 1pm start.FREE! www.jazznet.co.ukThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Music: Open Mic SundaysLive music every SundayThe Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Music: Live New Orleans JazzEvery Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at TheLord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance

floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one ofthe longest running Jazz Pubs in GreatBritainThe Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road,Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286www.fairfield.co.uk• Music: Open Mic FREE!The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road,Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8pm.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Music: Open MicJam evening, acoustic open mic. Allwelcome..The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon• Club: Extreme Metal with Rosewest, Surrounded by Disgust,Inner Rage, Teddy Bear’s Picnic.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Mon 26• Event: Chinese New YearGoodbye to the year of the rat, hello tothe year of the ox. Moo!• Music: The Big Beer BandLive big-band music. Every Mondayfrom 9ish. FREE!The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon• Gay: The Big Fun Gay QuizNightfun and general knowledge quiz.Questions from all categories, gamesthat everyone can enjoy. Start the weekoff with a bang! Starts 8pmThe Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net• Music: Croydon Folk and BluesClub Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com,www.croydonfolksongclub.org.ukTickets from:- www.wegottickets.com• Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with musicfrom The Katie and Alex Show. Doors

7pm, free before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Club: Blue MondaysFree Pool all day or all night if you worklocally in Croydon* Every Monday all ofour members who work in Croydon, canenjoy the pleasure of free pool all day &night, so long as you buy a minimum oftwo drinks from the bar. It's as simple asthat! So if you feel the itch to play aframe, but not to feel it in your pocket,get down to Loop on Mondays!* How to claim your free pool onMondays - Free pool if you work inCroydon and buy 2 drinks. If you workin Croydon and are a member of LoopLounge, bring down a payslip or similarproof of where you work. Then buy aminimum of two drinks from the barand you can play pool for all day or allevening at Loop Lounge. If you are nota member you can join up at receptionfree of charge if you bring some IDalong. More about free membership..Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 27• Music: Open Mic NightSimon’s blues and acoustic open micnight - we let you entertain us! From8.30pm The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: The Dog and BullFrom 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of playyour cards right and a sing-song.Mental. 50p in including sarnies.See article, April issue.The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,Croydon• Games: Poker NightEvery TuesdayWalkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown HillChurch street, Surrey, CR0 1RZTel: 0208 680 5559www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydonwww.walkabout.eu.com• Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indieand dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's.Doors 7pm, £1 entry.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

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what’s on • Music: Freedom Of Expressionwith Eddie’s Brother, Tom Janssen,Superman Revenge Squad, TrpmbonePoetry. Upstairs. 8pm. FREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Club: Cocktail TuesdaysEvery Tuesday night Loop gives ourmembers and guests a opportunity tosample our new range of cocktails. If thecocktails get their seal of approval wegladly introduce them onto our existingcocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only£6, with this fabulous offer. Come ondown every Tuesday and go cocktailcrazy!.Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Pool: Pool Competitiondownstairs. 8pm startThe Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 28• Event: Pool CompetitionFrom 7pm - balls and banter, a textbooknight in the pub. £2 to enter - cashprizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Dance: DancerciseKeep fit and meet new people at thisfun and friendly beginners dance class.Come and join the fun everyWednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50.Central Court, Croydon Clocktower,Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk• Quiz: The EdgeWeekly quiz: gen knowledge / music /sport / missing link / mystery year. £50bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entryThe Edge, 1 South End, Croydon• Club: 2 Hours Free PoolMembers-only offer. If you are amember of Loop Lounge and spendmore than £8 on drinks at the bar youwill receive two hours of pool for free.If you are not already a member,membership is free but must be appliedfor in advance. Admission Midday untilmidnight Free admissionLoop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com• Gay: Camp Bingohosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at

Happy Hour Prices from when you buyyour books until the first number iscalled.The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net• Dance: Salsa LessonsEvery Wednesday from 8pm. £3.The Brief, George Street, Croydonwww.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 29• Music: Live BluesBands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE!The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Quiz: Two BrewersFun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm.Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road,Croydon, 020 8684 3544• Quiz: JF Big QuizFrom 8pm.The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, PurleySurrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk• Quiz: Crown and SceptreFun general knowledge quiz. EveryThursday from 9pm.Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road,South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Fri 30• Music: DJsThe regular Oval faves plus guestskeeping the Oval funky on FridaysThe Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, EastCroydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023www.myspace.com/ovaltavern• Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the bestIndie, Pop and Alternative all night long.guitar party night playing a wide rangeof music crossing genres and time lines :from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT,Vampire Weekend via indie superstarsStone Roses, Primal Scream throughelectro like Justice, Does It Offend YouYeah and Pendulum to more well knownretro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks,Specials, Beatles and alternative rocktunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters andFallout boy.Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm.Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.com

www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Karaoke: Wheelwright’s ArmsFrom 8.30pm every Friday night.Wheelwright’s Arms,126 Southbridge Road,Croydon, CR0 1AF• Club: DJ BennyManyHatsFREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Sat 31• CHARITY: MND Gig31st JanuaryWith Jennie Saunders, The Broadcasts,Stac, The Fireburn Music Collective,David Goo. All in aid of Motor NeuroneDisease. 6pm - 1am. £8.The Brief, George Street, Croydon• Club: DJ Samplaying a plethora of aural delights.FREE!The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NAwww.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beat-seeking missiles. Never outgunned. Thebiggest dancefloor monsters from DJLINTON. Because it's war on thedancefloor. Doors 7pm..Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.020 8680 2233.www.blacksheepbar.comwww.myspace.com/blacksheepbar• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayThe Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon• Music: Live Rock BandsEvery SaturdayPortmanor, Portland Road, SouthNorwood, SE25 4UF• Event: Chinese New YearChinatown celebrations include liondancing in Gerrard Street, Lisle Street,Newport Place, Wardour Street andMacclesfield Street from 1pm until 6pmwith stalls throughout Chinatown.

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• Addington Village InnBeer garden, parking, bigscreen, food: 12-8pm.36 Addington Village Rd,Addington, CR0 01689 842057• All Bar One2 floors. Decent food all day.Fiendish German beers. Dresscode Fri/Sat: smart casual.10 Park Lane, CR0. 020 8686 1033• Alma Tavern - DSBeer garden at rear, patio outfront, parking, 4 tvs & bigscreen, kids welcome til 8pm,live music at weekends - see‘what’s on’, pool table (FREEpool on Mondays), darts and acashpoint. Food: 12-3pm Mon-Fri. 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd,CR0, 020 8654 5842. • Arkwrights Wheel - DSDecent sized boozer, pooltable, screen for sports, food12-8pm. Karaoke everyThursday. 151 North End, CR0 020 8649 8638• Bar Red Square - DSStylish, light & friendly bar withoutside seating. Happy hour3pm-12am Monday-Saturday:Buy One Get One Free onSmirnoff, Kronenbourg andWine. DJs at weekends. Dresscode: Smart casual - smarttrainers ok. 63-65 High St, CR0020 8688 1020• Bedford Tavern - DSLarge patio garden out front,pool table, bar billiards, tvinside, regular bbqs on thepatio.16 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EF. 020 8688 2584• Beehive - DSLarge boozer with massive beergarden, right on the green.47 Woodside Green, SouthNorwood, SE25 5HQ.020 8662 1941• Bird in Hand - DSCroydon’s longest serving Gaybar with pool table, FREE AirHockey, FREE Giant Jenga,FREE Giant Connect 4, BigScreen TV, Beer Garden,covered and heated smokingarea. Back Bar Available forprivate hire and functions.291 Sydenham Road, Croydon,London CR0 2ELTel: 020 8683 3104www.birdinhand.uk.net We are also on Facebook!

• Bishops Wine BarOnly sell wine. Homemadefood served between 12pmand 2.30pm. Opening timessubject to change. 1129Whitgift Centre, CR0. 0208681 7340Mon-Sat: 11.30am-4.45pmClosed Sunday.• Black Sheep Bar - DSPossibly Croydon’s mostprogressive venue. See what’son for night details.68 High St, CR0 1NA. 020 8680 2233www.blacksheepbar.com• Bricklayers Arms - DS237 High Street Beckenham• Bodega - DSNew tapas restaurant / bar.Civilised atmosphere. Wideselection of meat, seafood andveggie tapas. Spanish beers,exclusive Spanish wines. Buy abottle of our exclusive selectedspirits (complimentary mixers)and gain access to our intimateVIP area. Disabled access.Covered heated smoking area.Sky and Setanta sports.Private parties and corporatemeeting catered for. Over 21s only. Dress code: Nohoodies, tracksuits, caps orfootball shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu12-12 Friday-SaturdayFood served 12-3 and 5-10pmevery day.14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728• Brief - DSDecent boozer with screensshowing music videos/freeview,Dress code at weekends -smart casual, no headwear.Door charge at weekends. 48George St, CR0. 020 8686 6878• Builders Arms - DSFriendly Fullers pub withconservatory restaurant area, 2bars, one with 2 tvs. Boardgames available. Generalknowledge quiz night everyTuesday from 9pm. Live musiclast Friday of every month.Large, grassy, pleasant beergarden out back with niceseating, giant Connect 4, giantJenga and giant skittles, Over18s only. 65 Leslie Park Rd,CR0 6TP. 020 8654 1803

• Bulls Head - DSSmall friendly local. Recentlyrefurbed and under newmanagement. All sports &Setanta sports shown. Real alesBar food mon-fri: 12-4pm. 39 Laud St, CR0020 8760 0150• Claret Free House - DSIntimate real ale pub.5a Bingham Corner, LowerAddiscombe Rd, CR0 7AA020 8656 7452• Coombe LodgeLarge pub/restaurant withenormous beer garden,conservatory and outdoordining as well as posh diningroom. Food served all day. Alsoa Travel Inn with rooms around£60. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0020 8686 2030• Crescent Arms323 Whitehorse Road, CR0.020 8684 2310• Cricketers - DSGood food, screens for sports,huge garden, pool table.47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER020 8655 3507• CricketersPub grub served weekdays 12-3.30 and Sunday Roast servedSundays 12 ‘til they run out!107 Addiscombe Rd,CR0. 020 8662 1921• Croham Arms - DSCroham Rd, CR2020 8688 7356. • Crown Inn - DSMassive pub with beer garden,parking etc. Good food andweekly quiz nights.28 Wickham Rd, Shirley, CR0 020 8654 8235• Crown and Anchor - DS19 Park Road, Bromley• Crown & Pepper - DSFriendly staff and punters, largepub, nice beer garden / patioat the back heated and litsmoking area, conservatorydining area, car park, sofas,wide range of bottled beers,shots and good food. Dinnertable reservations available.242 High St, CR0 1NF. 0208688 7507• Crown and Sceptre - DSSmall friendly local with outsideseating, parking, screen forsports and top food servedMon-Thu 12-9pm,

Fri-Sun + bank Hols: 12-6pm32 Junction Road, CR2.020 8688 8037• Davy’s Wine Vaults - DSIntimate underground wine bar,tucked away in North End. Bigscreen, comfy sofas andbooths. Excellent selection ofwines. Quiz night first Weds ofevery month at 7.30pm, Salsaclasses and intermediate everySat. Quality food servedeveryday 11am-10pm.122 North End, CR0, 020 8680 2419• Dog and Bull - DSThe Dog comes into its own asthe sun arrives - the best beergarden in Croydon, with al-fresco bar and bbq. Brilliant. 24 Surrey St, CR0. 020 8688 3664• Drum and Monkey7 Gloucester Rd, CR0• Duke of CambridgeSmall pub, popular with footiefans on matchdays.7 Holmesdale Rd, CR0 2LR020 8665 6440• Duke of Gloucester258 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EB. 020 8684 3971• Eagle - DSUnder new management.52 Tamworth Road (ReevesCorner), 020 8686 7474• Earl of Eldon - DSAll sports shown, big screen,beer garden, occasional livemusic. Food served every day.63 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8688 1473• Edge - DSBeer garden, Wednesday quiznight. Weekday food 12-3pm.Live music from rock riotpromotionswww.myspace.com/rockriotpromo1 South End, CR0. 020 8774 9933• Elliott’s - DSFood served Mon-Fri 12-2.30pm. Function room, 42”plasma screen for sports.Occasional Karaoke. Weds: FunBlackjack (£1 entry) and Salsaclasses from 8pm.5 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8668 3361• Fairfield Tavern - DSOnly open to theatre-goers.Fairfield Halls, CR0

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• First BaseCity Limits, The Colonnades,Purley Way• Fishermans Arms78 Windmill Rd, CR0 2XP020 8689 7887• Folly - DSLarge and airy split level pubwith pool table, outside patio,big screen, comfy seats. Foodserved 12-6pm every day.Happy hour 4-8pm every day.DJs from 8pm every Sunday.13-15 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 0208688 3920• Forestdale ArmsNew food menu, massivesmoking tent, karaoke Fridays,quiz on Saturday lunch times.Cricket/ football net. Featherbed Lane, CR0 020 8651 1260• FountainheadLarge pub with large grassybeer garden, kiddie’s slide and,as far as we’re aware, it stillhas a ‘swingball’ out there too.114 Parchmore Rd, ThorntonHeath. 020 8653 4025• FoxPub and restaurant withenormous beer garden setpretty much in the countryside.Nice food last time we visited.Coulsdon Common, Coulsdon,CR3 01883 330401• Foxley Hatch8-9 Russell Hill Rd, Purley,CR8. 020 8763 9307• Freelands Tavern - DS31 Freelands Road, Bromley• George - DSWetherspoons pub with cheapbeer offers running constantly,large restaurant at rear with nosmoking area and disabledaccess. 17-21 George St, CR0020 8649 2944• GeorgeOutside courtyard, insidescreens for sport, live music,quizzes and karaokeoccasionally. Bar food availableall day. 132 Canterbury Rd,CR0 020 8689 7911• Gipsy Moth - DSMassive boozer - kiddies playarea, car park, screens etc.Unit 7, The Colonnades,619 Purley Way, CR0 4RJ020 8686 8923• Glamorgan - DSTop quality food in friendlygastro-pub surroundings. beergarden, pool table, big screens

for sport (not football). SouthAfrican ‘Bunny Chow’ aspeciality.81 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 6333• Golden Lion144 Stanley Rd, CR0 3QB020 8684 1395• Good CompanionFamily friendly pub on thesouthern edge of SouthCroydon, on the LimpsfieldRoad. Main Bar: large screenTV and additional screensshowing all major sports, pooltable/darts. Live music and DJnights (Includes established‘Open Mic’ night onThursdays, but see the web sitefor details of all events). Nonsmoking Lounge Bar and largeRestaurant. Home preparedfoods inc. kids options availablefrom 12 daily. Special menu onSundays includes a choice ofroasts and other meal options(booking is recommended onSundays). Very large familygardens. Car Parking for 60cars. Private weddings,functions and parties cateredfor. ( no room hire charges ).Open until 11.30p.m.weekdays and Midnight onFridays and Saturdays Limpsfield Road, SouthCroydon. Tel: 0208 657 6655.www.thegoodcompanions.com • Goose on the Market -DSHuge boozer with an eclecticage range of punters and eye-wateringly low prices. 1 Surrey St, CR0 1RG020 8688 4798• Granaries6 Overtons Yard, 020 8667 1000• GrangeBeer garden, screens for sport,pool table. Bar food availableevery day, occasional livemusic, quiz, karaoke. 21 Norbury Rd, ThorntonHeath, CR7. 020 8653 3783• Green Dragon - DS2 pool tables, sports screens,hire-able upstairs bar. Livemusic Mondays, Tuesdays,Wednesdays and Sundays; Djsat the weekend. Quality Alesand Proper Food (big SundayRoast and lots for veggies);table service. Thursday Quiz,Sunday Pub Games night, a

BookSwap scheme and localartist's work for sale.Food served 12-9 daily.Mon-Thurs 12-12Fri -Sat 12-1Sun -12-10.30 58-60 High St,CR0 1NA 020 8667 0684Mon-Thu: 12pm-12 midnightFri/Sat: 12pm-1amSun: 12pm-10.30pm• Gun Tavern - DSLive music venue as well as afriendly boozer. Pool tables,Sky on big screen TV. Church St, CR0 1RN. 020 8667 1472• Gypsy TavernWine bar. 12 Station Rd, CR0020 8688 6750• Half and HalfThe perfect place to chill- out,with cosy sofas, eclectic tunes,basement area for businessmeetings, private parties, meetup with work colleagues orfriends very friendly andrelaxed. Visitwww.halfandhalf.uk.com formore info and discounts!282 High St, CR0 1NG020 8726 0080www.halfandhalf.uk.com• Hare and Hounds325 Purley Way, CR0020 8688 0420• Harvest Home27 Beddington Lane, CR0 020 8688 0813• HorseshoeBeer garden, pool table andscreens for sport. Livemusic/quiz/karaokeoccasionally on Fri-Sun. Kidswelcome until 6pm. Foodderved 12-2pm and 5-8pm.745 London Rd, ThorntonHeath, CR7, 020 8665 6305• HubNew club 80-88 High St, CR0020 8680 5500• Hustler ClubCroydon’s newest (and only)table dancing club. 8pm-3am12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon,020 8633 1621 www.hustlerclubuk.com• Jack and JillLonglands Ave, Coulsdon, CR5• Jolly Farmers - DSGood beers and ales, andcoffees, with home cookedfoods served at lunchtimes. (NoTV screens inside) Seating areas

to the front and side, with carparking to the rear. Live musicon Fridays (rock/blues bandnight), Saturdays (mixed bandsand singers) and Sundays(great ‘open Mic’ nights withdifferent hosts every week)See the Web site for detailswww.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk7 High Street Purley, Tel 0208660 2076• Lion InnSmoking patio, pool table,darts, screens for sport.Occasional live music and DJs.Main and evening menu, barsnacks all day.182 Padsons Rd, CR0020 8684 2978• Lord NapierRenowned Thornton Heathboozer noted for its quality livejazz music. 111 Beulah Rd,Thornton Heath, CR7. 0208653 2286• Loop - DS“Loop is a members-only,award winning (Best New LateNight Venue - Theme), stylishlydesigned club with, impressivecocktail bar, american pooltables and some of Londonstop DJs.” Dress Code varies,check each listing in what’s on.DJs from 9pm.General Enquiries: 020 8760 7000 www.looppoolbar.com12 Crown Hill, CR0• Man on the Moon112 Headley Drive, NewAddington, CR0 0QF01689 847550• Milan Bar / Lloyds - DSHugely popular bar over twofloors. Relatively cheap booze.Food served throughout theday until 30mins beforeclosing. Screens showing musicvideos, 70’s 80’s 90’s nightevery Thursday from 8pm. DJ’sat weekends Dress code: Smartcasual - no hats or trainers. 14-32 High St, CR0, 020 8603 0870• New Inn148 Mitcham Rd, CR0020 8665 1440• Newton Arms175 Queens Rd, CR0 020 8684 1654• Norbury - DSIncorporating The Edge

pubs, clubs & barsDS indicates DEEP Stockist!

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nightclub. Sports bar with 3 bigscreens and pool tables.Outside seating area.1300 London Road, Norbury.SW16 4DG.020 8679 0632• Old Derby - DSScreens for sport, pool table,darts, benches outside at front.Quiz every 3/4 weeks, livebands and karaoke every twoweeks. DJ Twinkletoes everyFrdiay and Sunday. Lunchmenu served 11am-2.30pmand a diferent meal every nightfor £1.50. 44 Pitlake, CR0 020 8688 5674• Old Fox and HoundsThai food served Mon-Sat: 12-3pm. Beer garden, pool table,big screen sport, house doublesat £2, function room available.1 London Rd, CR0• Orchard - DSLarge pub with pool table,darts, big screen, beer gardenwith kids play-area. 112 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0020 8688 3682• Oval - DSOne of our favourite pubs.Brilliantly friendly. Pool table,great beer garden. Real Ales.Food served between 12-3pmevery day and 6-9pm Fridays -new menu and bar menu(nachos, calamari, potato skinsetc). Sunday Roast (2 choices +vege) 12.30-3.30pm. BBQs insummer (available to hire - callfor details). Pool competitionevery Thurs, DJs Fri/Sat,monthly quiz night and liveblues (see what’s on fordetails). 131 Oval Rd, CR0020 8686 6023• Parchmore Tavern 82 Parchmore Rd, ThorntonHeath, CR7. 020 8771 3816• Padson’s ArmsBeer garden, screens for sportand kids welcome until 7pm.69 Padsons Rd, CR0 2QA020 8684 2378• Pitlake Arms73a Waddon New Rd, CR0 1XD020 8688 0428• Pistols - DS208-210 Brighton Road,Coulsdon, CR5 2NF• Plough and Harrow 774 London Rd, ThorntonHeath, CR7. 020 8665 7151• Plough Inn

Croydon Rd, The Broadway,CR0 4QR. 020 8647 1122• Porter and Sorter - DSThe Editor’s local, friendly andlively. Table service, good food- new menu including sarniesand wraps as well as mainmeals. Dining area at rear, 7different real ales, drinks offers,no smoking area, outsideseating, 3 screens. A topboozer! 1 Billinton Hill (formerlyStation Rd), CR0, 020 8688 4296• Portmanor Live bands every Saturday, DJon Fridays - new rock venue inSouth London Portland Road, South NorwoodSE25 4UF• Prince George 2 High St, Thornton Heath,CR7. 020 8239 0029• Purley Arms - DSOutside patio, big screen,cashpoint inside. Food servedMon-Fri: 12pm-7pmSaturday: 12-5pmSunday: 1pm-5pm.345 Brighton Rd, CR2020 8686 3792Mon-Wed: 12pm-11pmThu-Sat: 12pm-12amSun: 12pm-10.30pm• Railview - DSUnder New Management. BeerGarden, Darts, Sky Sports,Parking. Sunday Lunch 1-5pm.11am-11pm Sun-Thu,11am-12am Sat/Sun188 Selsdon Rd, CR2020 8688 2315• Railway Telegraph 19 Brigstock Rd, ThorntonHeath• Randall Tavern Fieldway, New Addington, CR0 9DX, 01869 841476• Rectory - DSHuge barracuda pub in Purley.Loads of seating, booths,wooden floors etc. Pay car parkat rear. Food served 12-10pm.908-912 Brighton Rd, Purley, CR8 2LN. 020 8660 6396• Red Deer - DSUnder New Management.Massive pub in South Croydonwith 2 bars, pool table, 2 bigscreens + 6 smaller ones forsport. Car park. Large functionroom available for hire - call fordetails. Reasonably priceddrinks. DJs every Friday and

Saturday night from 8-midnight playing dance / RnB /Garage etc. 279 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 5599Mon-Thu: 12-11pmFri-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12-10.30pm• Reform Tavern 69 Osbourne Rd, ThorntonHeath, CR7 020 8653 9991• Rileys CroydonPool / Snooker club.1st Floor, 63 Frith Road,Croydon, Surrey, CR0 1TB.Telephone: 020 86497788• Rileys Purley WayPool / Snooker club.31 Imperial Way, Purley Way,CR0 4RR. Telephone 020 8688 3479. • Royal Standard - DSSmall, friendly Fullers pub withbeer garden over the road.Food served Mon-Fri: 12-2.30pm.Dart board. No music. Rugbypub! 1 Sheldon St, CR0 1SS020 8688 9749• Saints and SinnersPleasant little pub with smallbeer patio. 482 London Rd,CR0. 020 8689 3713• Sandrock Hotel - DSRestaurant/pub - patio out theback, parking, good qualitymarket-fresh food served 12noon to 10pm every day.Music/gen knowledge quiz,every Thursday from 9pm.Monthly live music (phone fordate/details). 152 Upper Shirley RoadCroydon, CR0 5HA020 8654 3829• Selhurst Arms Large Palace pub with 2 bars,big screen, pool table, beergarden /patio, car park.Selhurst Rd, SE25• Ship - DSInstitutional alternative pub. Food Mon-Sat: 12-7pm, Sun: 12.30-3pm.47 High St, CR0. 020 8688 2810www.theship.org• Ship of FoolsWetherspoons outfit.9-11 London Rd, CR0 020 8681 2835• Shirley Inn - DSCompact pub with beer

garden, parking, pool table,darts, 4 screens inc big one.Steak-out menu available Mon-Sat 12-6.30pm and Sun 12-2.30pm. Karaoke on someThursdays, and Entertainmenton Saturdays (phone for datesand details).158 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8654 1362 • Sir Julian Huxley152-154 Addington Rd,Selsdon, CR2. 020 8657 9457• SkylarkLarge pub spread over twofloors. 34 South End, CR0 1DP. 020 8649 9909• Smugglers Inn320 Chipstead Valley Rd,Coulsdon. 020 8657 9457• Spread Eagle - DSExtensive traditional pub menuserved 12-9pm Mon-Sat and12-5pm Sunday. Real Ales,Cask Conditioned ales. Outsideseating. Sky big screendownstairs, plasma screenupstairs. Function room for hirewith buffets available.39 High St, CR0 1QD020 8781 1134• Stag234-236 Addington Rd,Selsdon, 020 8657 6265• Stag and Hounds - DSLocal pub with beer garden.Friendly atmos. Home cookedfood every Friday 11am-3pm.26 Selsdon Rd, CR2020 8688 1908• Star101 Southbridge Rd, CR0.020 8688 2638• Surprise Inn - DSKaraoke every Sunday eveningfrom 5.30 until closing.107 Upper Shirley Rd, CR0.020 8656 6820• Surrey Cricketers - DSFriendly, triangular shaped pub,seats outside, pool table,screens, darts. 23 West St, CR0 020 8288 1781• Swan and Sugarloaf - DSLarge pub with parking, screenfor sports, pool table and darts.Function room for hire. B&B(room only £20pppn). 1 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8686 2562020 8688 7888• Thomas Farley61 High St, Thornton Heath,

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CR7. 020 8665 7975• Tiger Tiger - DS6 bars, a restaurant: modernclassic food and a club spreadover 2 floors. Happy hour 5-7.30pm. Dress Code: Smartcasual, collared shirts, notrainers.16 Grant’s Building, High St,CR0. 020 8662 4949. www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk• Tudor RoseCoulsdon Rd, Coulsdon, CR501737 553368• Two Brewers - DSPleasant little Shepherd Neamepub with tables outside front,beer garden out back. screensfor sport, darts. Gets busy withfootie fans as it’s on the way toSelhurst Park, but still managesto stay friendly and welcoming. 221 Gloucester Rd, CR0. 020 8684 3544• Txt Bar - DSNew upmarket bar. Cocktails aspeciality. 73 South End, CR0020 8667 1308• UpstairsGorgeous, grown-up, intimateclub.Thursday - Simply Salsa.Friday & SaturdayClub nights with DJ's includingLouis from Choice FM. Guestlist and venue hire available,please contact 020 8688 9837for details.www.treehousepeople.com78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 • Victoria Cross228 Bensham Lane, ThorntonHeath, CR7. 020 8684 3022• Vintage34 Surrey Street, Croydon CR0 1RJ020 8686 5600www.vintage-bar.com• Walkabout - DSLarge and lively Aussie boozer.Club attached, (open Fri/Sat).Live bands and DJs through theweek. Large portions of food(inc. crocodile & kangaroo)served until 1 hour beforeclosing. 2 big screens for sport,loads of seating and comfysofas. Dress code: smart casual- no trainers.12 Crown Hill, CR0 1RZ. 020 8680 5559mail:croydon@walkabout.eu.comfor birthdays special occasions

and guest list.• Welcome Inn300 Parchmore Rd, ThorntonHeath, CR7• WheatsheafLarge and allegedly hauntedboozer on Thornton HeathPond. 759 London Rd,Thornton Heath, CR7. 0208665 7161• Wheelwrights Arms - DS Friendly community local withgood food, karaoke everyFriday night from 8.30pm,Quiz every Sunday from 8pm,occasional live music andcharity nights.126 Southbridge Rd, CR0. • Windmill - DSFriendly local with large grassybeer garden and big screen.Food served Mon-Sat 12pm-2.30pm and Sunday 1pm-5pm.Quiz night at the end of everymonth - phone for details. 224St James Rd, CR0 2BW. 0208684 2272. Mon-Sat: 11am-11pm. Sun: 12pm-10.30pm• Windsor Castle - DS(Toby Carvery and InnkeepersLodge) Pub, restaurant, hotel.Car park. Garden & patio. Foodserved 12pm-9.30pm, setmenu and carvery. 415Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 86804559• Woodman - DSSmall and friendly pub withbeer garden at back, outsideseating at front and screen forsports. Unusual and interestingceiling decor. 36 Upland Rd,CR2 020 8688 4725• Yates’s Wine Lodge - DSNew and vastly improved,friendly, relaxed and with poolhall upstairs. 3-11 High St, CR0020 8681 8219• Ye Olde Clock Tower35 Whitehorse Road, CR0020 8684 0288

AMERICAN• Frankie and Benny’sPizza, pasta & burgers.Valley Leisure Park, PurleyWay, CR0. 020 8760 5021• T.G.I Fridays702-704 Purley Way, CR0.020 8681 1313

ENGLISH• Cockney’s Pie and MashPies, mash, liquor, vinegar inhuge bottles, 82 Church St,CR0 - 020 8680 4512• Coombe Lodge104 Coombe Rd, CR0020 8686 2030• Tree House - DS78 South End, CR0020 8688 9837• Sandrock Hotel - DSGood quality market-fresh foodserved 12 noon to 10pm everyday.152 Upper Shirley RoadCroydon, CR0 5HA020 8654 3829

FISH• McDermott’s FishRestaurantQuality Fish and Chipsrestaurant and takeaway.5/7 Featherbed Lane,Addington 020 8651 1440Tues-Sat 12-2pm & 5-9.30pm((pm on Saturday)

FRENCH• AubergeFrench cuisine.Unit 2153 (third floor) WhitgiftCentre, CR0. 020 8680 8337Sun-Wed: 10am-6pmThu-Sat: 10am-10pm• Boulevard - DSRestaurant, bar, cafe.7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Rd,South Croy. CR2. 020 8649 9990• Chateau NapoleanUpmarket French cuisineCoombe Wood Hs, CoombeLane, 020 8686 1244, 0208680 6027• Little BayFrench/Italian/English. Smallintimate restaurant. 32 SelsdonRd, CR2. 020 8649 9544• Rayon D’OrFrench/Italian/English.Face painting for kids onSunday, dinner and dancing onSaturday. Airport House, PurleyWay, CR0. 020 8781 1933• Savana222 London Rd, CR0020 8680 7452

GREEK• L’UnicoGreek cuisine.265 High St, CR0, 020 8688 7998

INDIAN• 1860Indian / South African cuisine. 28 South End, CR0020 8688 3839• Anika’sContemporary Indian &Bangladeshi cuisine.4 Selsdon Parade, AddingtonRd, Selsdon, CR2, 020 8651 6602020 8651 6603• Banana LeafAward winning South Indiancuisine. 7 Lower AddiscombeRd, CR0. 020 8688 0297020 8688 9922• Bharat Bhavan10 Lower Addiscombe Rd,CR0.020 8688 6239020 8680 5553• Bombay Blue - DSFine Indian cuisine. 23 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8645 0022• CatamaranSouth Indian Kerala cuisine.Veggie and non-veggie.Takeaways available. 62 South End, Croydon CR0 1DP, 020 8688 6996020 8688 7002www.mcdosa.com• Chat House14 Brighton Rd, CR2020 8688 6327• Depa Indiana5 Derby Rd, CR0020 8688 9695020 8686 4902• Go East212 London Rd, CR0020 8667 1700• India Palace79 High St, CR0020 8686 6730• Kerala BhavanSouth Indian. 16 London Rd,CR0. 020 8688 6216• Mensab39 Stafford Rd, CR0020 8667 9090• Mohini Balti202 Croydon Rd, Beddington,CR0. 020 8686 8700020 8688 5265 • Panahar

pubs, clubs & bars / restaurants DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

restaurants

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316 Limpsfield Rd, CR2020 8651 9662• RoseIndian/Chinese/Sri Lankan305 London Rd, CR0020 8684 1198020 8684 1536• Royal Asia Tandoori91 Lower Addiscombe Rd,CR0. 020 8656 7818• Sanderstead Tandoori5 Station Parade, SandersteadRd, CR2. 020 8651 6489• SangriNew indian - fantastic food!265 High Street, CroydonCR0 1QH• Taste Of Bengal1 Station Parade, SandersteadRd, CR2. 020 8651 5445• Tikka Masala227-229 High St, CR0020 8686 8800• Zafran349 Lower Addiscombe Rd,CR0. 020 8655 0055• Zara’s KitchenQuality Indian, bring your ownalcohol. 60 South End, CR0020 8688 4277020 8688 0782

ITALIAN• Bagatti’s56-58 South End, CR0020 8680 1336• Bella ItaliaLive Opera as you eat.18 George St, CR0, 020 8688 5787• Ciao Bella 38a South End, CR0, 020 8688 8524• Dario248 Brighton Rd, CR2020 8686 2680• Elio17 Limpsfield Rd, CR2020 8657 2953• Il Cavallino89 Lower Addiscombe Rd,CR0. 020 8656 9679• Il PonteGreat food, but a bit crowded.91-101 High St, CR0020 8686 1112• Il TeatroWood oven baked pizza64-66 London Rd, CR0020 8667 1788• La PergolaStreatham Italian withinstitutionally hilarious Elvisshow. 66 Streatham High St,SW16. 020 8764 2646 / 020

8769 2601• Pizza Express3-7 South End, CR0020 8680 0123• Zizzi - DSPasta and Pizza in modernsurroundings with a wood ovenfor pizza. French doors allalong the front, which theyopen up in summer. 57-59South End, CR0. 020 86498403MEXICAN• ChiquitoUnit 3, Valley Park LeisureDevelopment, Purley Way,CR0. 020 8686 8341• Conchitas27/29 South End, Croydon -Tel: 020 8255 8028• Tequila Rock Cafe281 High St, CR0020 8686 8030020 8686 3223

ORIENTAL• Anna’sThai. 1078 Whitgift Centre,CR0. 020 8681 6601• Beijing CottageSuperior Cantonese. 49 South End, CR0020 8688 2046020 8688 1092• Blossom HouseChinese. 340 Limpsfield Rd,CR2. 020 8651 4723• ExcelsiorChinese. 264 Wickham Rd,CR0. 020 8656 1666• KelongAll you can eat Malay/Chinesebuffet. 1b Selsdon Rd, CR0020 8688 0726• Longquan Noodle Bar97 South End, CR0020 8667 9588• Mae PingThai. 16-18 South End, CR0020 8760 0278• Malay House Malaysian BYO alcohol.60 Lower Addiscombe Rd,CR0. 020 8666 0266• MisoNoodle Bar.Geeorge Street, Croydonwww.misonoodlebar.co.uk• New China King6 Beddington terrace, MitchamRd, CR0020 8689 8222• Oriental ExpressGood value functional chinesefood served super-fast. Ideal

for filling up before a night onthe town. 56 George St, CR0020 8681 6598• OsushiCroydon’s first sushi restaurant- sushi, tempura & ramen incontemporary surroundings 47 South End, CR0 1BF020 8681 1166• PaisaanThai. Delivery of food andwines & beers available!13-17 Station Rd, CR0020 8686 6254• Royal GardenUpmarket Chinese. Takeawayavailable. Shirley Hills Rd, CR0020 8654 6491 / 020 86540170• Spicy Penang Chinese / Malaysian cuisine.Restaurant / takeaway / freedelivery (over £15 (afterdiscount) within 3 mile radius.10% discount on all takeawaycollections and deliveries. 49b-49c South End, Croydon, CR0 1BF. 020 8680 2010Lunch Mon-Fri: 12-2.30pmDinner Mon-Thu: 6-11.30pmFri/Sat: 6pm-midnightSun: 12 noon - 11pm.• Tai TungChinese. 550 Purley Way, CR0020 8688 3668 / 0117• Udon Noodle Bar74 London Rd, CR0 020 8686 0602• Welcome FriendsChinese. 4 Bingham Corner,Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9981.

NEPALESE• Gurkha Spice Nepalese cuisine343 Brighton Road, SouthCroydon, CR2 6EQ020 8686 8606020 8667 0711

OTHER• Croydon Steak HouseT-bone steaks from 500g to1500g. 31 South End, CR0020 8688 8422. Closed Sun.• La BrasaArgentinian cuisine - 108a HighSt, CR0. 020 8760 9610• Nando’sPortugese chicken restaurant.26 High St, CR0 020 86813505, 0800 975 8181

• Tiger Tiger - DSClassic cuisine with acontemporary twist, along with6 bars, 2 dance-floors andhappy hour 5pm-7.30pm. 16 Grant’s Building, High St,CR0. 020 8662 4949www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk• Tree House - DSLarge contemporary restaurantwith bar and garden offeringmodern European cuisine. Mainmeals from £8.95. 78 SouthEnd, CR0. 020 8688 9837

SPANISH• Bodega - DSNew tapas bar / restaurant. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies,tracksuits, caps or footballshirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu12-12 Friday-SaturdayFood served 12-3 and 5-10pmevery day.14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728• GaliciaTapas Bar and restaurant.269-275 High St, CR0020 8686 0043• La TascaTapas bar and restaurant.38-40 High Street, Croydon,CR0 1YB, 0208 680 3388• Las FuentesTapas bar and restaurant.36-40 High St Purley SurreyCR8 2AA, 020 8763 1983• PicassoTapas Bar and restaurant.910 London Rd, ThorntonHeath, CR7 7PE, 020 86840049

VEGETARIAN • Pepperton UK - DSRelaxed and friendly licensedvegetarian restaurant and artgallery. Open Tue - Thu:5.00pm - 10.00pmFri - Sat: 12noon - 10.00pmSun & Mon: Closed(other than for party/groupbookingsof 10 or more). Pepperton UK25 Selhurst Road, SE25020 8683 4462

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• A1 Minicabs307 London Road, CR0, 020 8683 3535 or 020 8684 5050• Circuit Cars12 South End, CR0020 8680 4321• Croydon Carriage Co 270 Wickham Road, CR0020 8656 1313• Croydon Central Cars 35 South End, CR0020 8686 4444020 8686 4499• Derby Minicabs1 Derby Road, CR0020 8680 5566020 8680 7799• Kendall Cars11, Epsom Road, CR0 and20 Station Road, CR0. 0208681 3535• Roadrunners174 North End, CR00800 147369020 8681 8700• Station Cars Purley10 Station Approach, Purley,CR8, 020 8660 6000020 8668 8848• Station CarsSandersteadSanderstead BR020 8657 5550020 8657 1110020 8657 5588

• Aerodrome Hotel 3 star. £60-£120Purley Way, CRO020 8680 1999• Coombe Lodge Around £55.104 Coombe Rd, CR0,020 8686 2030• Coulsdon Manor Hotel4 star. £108-£130Coulsdon Court Rd,Coulsdon, 020 8668 0414• Croydon Park Hotel4 star. £125 - £140.Gym and pool. And a baropen to non-residents.7 Altyre Road, CRO020 8680 9200• Express Holiday Inn -WS

Priddy’s Yard, off Frith Road,(behind Debenhams)Croydon• Fairfield Hotel2 star. £60ish.1 Lansdowne Rd, CRO020 8681 3381• Hilton Croydon4 star. £110.Waddon Way (off PurleyWay), CRO. 020 8680 3000• Innkeepers Lodge(Windsor Castle) - WS£70. 415 Brighton Rd, SouthCroydon, CR20870 243 0500• Jury’s Inn3 star. From £69.Wellesley Rd, CR0,0870 907 2222• Kirkdale Hotel£45-£80. 22 St Peters Rd,CRO. 020 8688 5898• Premier Travel Inn£55ish. The ColonnadesLeisure Park, 619 Purley Way,CR0. 0870 990 6554• Selsdon Park Hotel4 star. £100-£175.126 Addington Rd, CR2020 8657 8811• South Park Hotel 2 star. £55-£753-5 South Park Rd, CR2020 8688 5644

• Beanos - WSThe UKs largest 2nd handrecord shop. 3 floors of vinylheaven. Star House, 7 MiddleSt (near Jim Thompsons /Surrey Street market) 0208680 1202• Jonathan Myall MusicEurope’s leading woodwind &brass centre. New & second-hand. Sales, rental, repairs.46 South End, CR0020 8662 8400www.justflutes.com• Livewire RecordingStudios Streatham Ice Arena386 Streatham high roadLondon. SW16 6HT020 8835 9913• Martin Phelps MusicGuitars, amps, digital pianos,keyboards. On site guitarworkshop. Buy and sellinstruments. 9 South End,CR0, 020 8680 9747

• Memory Lane RecordsOld tunes. 55 Frith Road,CR0020 8649 7220• Online Studios2 state of the artsoundproofed, air-conditionedrecording studios with vocalroom. Studio hire, musicproduction, training coursesand DJ recording. Freeparking.Unit 18-19 Croydon House, 1 Peall Road, Croydon, CR0 3EX. Tel: 020 8287 8585.www.onlinestudios.co.ukinfo@onlinestudios.co.uk• Rockbottom - WSSouthern England’s largestmusic shop - keyboards,electronica, guitars & amps,drums & percussion (drumlessons available), woodwind& brass instruments. Buy andsell, downstairs rehearsalstudios. 68/70 London Road, CR0. 020 8680 1042• Scream Studios - WSOpen 24 hours. 1000w rigwith on board digital effects.Piezo mic recording system,air conditioning. Full backlineavailable. Parking available.Daytime sessions from £18,evening sessions from £25.20c South End, Croydon, CR01DN(next to E-Bar). 020 8686 5788www.screamstudios.co.uk• Swag Records - WSDance music specialists.42 Station Road, West Croydon.020 8681 7735www.swagrecords.com• Vinyl Resting Place -WSNow online only at:www.thevinylrestingplace.co.uk• World DominationMusicCroydon’s newestindependent music publisher.Looking forsingers/songwriters. Alldemos listened to.52 Upper Selsdon Road,South Croydon,CR2 8DE020 8657 5565

• 101 Records2nd hand music.11 Keeley Rd, CR0.020 8681 8282

.• Fairfield Halls - WSTheatre and cinema.Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DGbox office: 020 8688 9291admin: 020 8681 3381www.fairfield.co.uk• Warehouse Theatre - WSTheatre and bar.Dingwall Road, Croydon CR0,020 8680 4060www.warehousetheatre.co.uk• Vue Grants10 screen cinema complex.14 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1GT. bookings and info:08702 406020enquiries: 020 8688 0606www.warnervillage.co.uk• Vue Purley Way8 screen cinema complex.Valley Park Leisure Complex,Hasterman Way, Croydon, CR04YA. bookings, info andenquiries: 08702 406020www.warnervillage.co.uk• David Lean Cinema - WS80 seater cinema & bar -mostly art-house andalternative films.Croydon Clocktower, KatherineStreet, Croydon, CR9 1ET. 020 8253 1030

• Hustler ClubCroydon’s newest (and only)table dancing club. 8pm-3amwww.hustlerclubuk.com 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon,020 8633 1621 • PrivateDVDs, videos, ‘marital aids’toys etc in a discreetenvironment. Selsdon Road, South Croydon(opposite The Folly pub)

cabs / cinema / music / adult

cabs

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cinema /theatre

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Dear Diary...A round-up of events yet to come in 2009

Blimey, no sooner have youfinished digesting that last mincepie and banished the last of the

festive hangovers than it’s all go again toensure you get the tickets you want forthe events in 2009. I’m terrible formissing deadlines where this kind ofthing is concerned, so we thought we’ddo a bit of a round up of all the stuffyou’re going to miss unless you get yourfinger out and book tickets now, withparticular emphasis on the never-endinground of festivals, some domestic, somea tad further afield, and some crackingsporting events occurring in 09...

FESTIVALS:• Bloc Festival 2009Butlins Resort, Minehead, SomersetMarch 13 – 15www.blocweekend.com• Winter Music Conference /Ultra Music Festival 2009Miami, FloridaMarch 24 – 28www.ultramusicfestival.com• Snowbombing Festival 2009Mayrhofen, AustriaMarch 29 – April 4www.snowbombing.com• Hinterland Festival 2009Glasgow, ScotlandApril 30 - May 1www.hinterlandfestival.com• All Tomorrow's Parties 2009The Fans Strike BackButlins Holiday Center, U.K.May 08 – 10. www.atpfestival.com• All Tomorrow's Parties 2009Curated by the BreedersCamber Sands Holiday Center, U.K.May 15 – 17. www.atpfestival.com• Primavera Sound Festival 2008Barcelona, SpainMay 29 – 30www.primaverasound.com (in spanish)• Isle Of Wight Music Festival 2009Newport, U.K.June 12 – 15www.isleofwightfestival.com• Meltdown Festival 2009London, UKJune 14 – 22www.southbankcentre.co.uk/all-events/meltdown• Sonar Festival 2009

Barcelona, SpainJune 18 – 20www.sonar.es• Glastonbury Festival 2009Glastonbury, EnglandJune 26 – 28www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk• Roskilde Festival 2009Roskilde, DenmarkJuly 2 – 5www.roskilde-festival.dk/2009/frontpage• T in the Park 2009Balado, ScotlandJuly 9 - 12www.tinthepark.com• Camp Bestival 2009Lulworth Castle, DorsetJuly 24 – 26www.campbestival.co.uk• Internacional de Benicassim 2009(FIB), Benicassim, SpainJuly 16 – 19http://fiberfib.com/• Fuji Rock Festival 2008JR Echigo Yuzawa Station, JapanJuly 30 – August 1www.fujirockfestival.com• Big Chill 2009Eastnor Park, HerefordshireAugust 7 - 9www.bigchill.net• Green Man Festival 2009Wales, U.K.August 21 - 23www.thegreenmanfestival.co.uk• V Festival 2009Chelmsford and Staffordshire, EnglandAugust 22 – 23www.vfestival.com• Reading Festival 2009Reading, EnglandAugust 28 – 30www.readingfestival.com• Leeds Festival 2009Leeds, EnglandAugust 28 – 30www.leedsfestival.com• Creamfields Festival 2009Daresbury, Halton, CheshireAugust 29 - 30www.creamfields.com• Bestival 2009September 11 - 13Isle of Wight, U.K.www.bestival.net

• Iceland Airwaves 2008September 17 - 21Reykjavík, Icelandwww.icelandairwaves.com• All Tomorrow's Parties NightmareBefore Christmas 2009Camber Sands Holiday CenterDecember 5 - 7 www.atpfestival.com

SPORT:• Rugby - 6 NationsEngland, Ireland, Scotland, Wales,France, ItalyFeb 7 - Mar 21www.rbs6nations.com• Racing - The Grand NationalAintree, Liverpool4th Aprilwww.aintree.co.uk• Snooker - World ChamionshipCrucible, Sheffield19th April - 5th Maywww.worldsnooker.com• Racing - The DerbyEpsom6th Junewww.epsomderby.co.uk• Formula One - The British Grand PrixSilverstoneJune 21www.britishgp.co.uk• Cricket - The AshesCardiff, Lord's, Edgbaston, Headingley,The Brit OvalJuly 8th onwardswww.ecb.co.uk• Golf - The OpenTurnberry, Scotland16th - 19th Julywww.opengolf.com• Football - World Cup QualifiersVarious venues and dates depending onwho you’re supporting...www.fifa.com/worldcup

As you’ll appreciate, this isn’t acomprehensive list by any means, butwe hope it’s enough of a heads up thatyou don’t miss out on stuff. As for us,we’re boycotting all festivals over thesummer in order to sit outdoors with atelly watching the cricket. Happy daysahead!

46

Hello again folks, well, after lastmonth’s rather music-free report,this month’s been a lot better in

that respect. I started off in The Briefwhere I gatecrashed Pure Rawk Nix’sbirthday bash in the vain hope ofpersuading Disarm’s Brad to come andlive in the cupboard under my stairs (notsuccessful) and to get Kitty Hudson torecord an impromptu “Happy Birthday”video on my phone (also not successful

– it was duly recorded but subsequentlymangled by my phone despite severallocal technology wizards’ efforts torescue it). I’m glad to say that Nix’sefforts to enjoy herself were rather moresuccessful and she dutifully reported arather sore head in the morning.

The next weekend I arranged to meetEdith in Brighton to see the ratherwonderful Montrose Avenue singing,amongst others, the classic “Put YerTongue In”. Edith had sustained a nastygrill injury whilst celebrating her Grade 8bassoon exam success and was ratherlate in arriving so I was rather surprisedwhen she arrived dressed as FreddieMercury in the “I Want to Break Free”video complete with pink dress andmoustache. She’d even accessorised withher old upright but security made herleave it outside. Turns out she’dmisheard my instruction to “meetinside” and thought I’d said “meet indisguise”. Feeling rather like a suicidebomber, I’d sneaked in and got the MCto secretly pass on a gift of my patentedFlapjackdaniels to the band as a bribe toget them to sing Edith her own song andshe was delighted that they managed tocrowbar her name into almost everysong in the set – even the Doors’ “BreakOn Through” and their own “Crows inmy Hair”.

I’m always up for a bit of live musicmid-week so I was ecstatic when FranticPromotions put on Namaste, Kitty Lippsand Canvas Wall (pictured below) at TheBrief. Canvas Wall are one of my

favourite bands at the moment and I’vealmost worn out the EP they sent me.Jonny Carnage was desperate to seethem so I smuggled him in dressed as ahouse elf and he dutifully handed roundpizza and collected plates while thebands sound-checked.

I hope you didn’t miss The Ship’sBattle of the Bands which ranthroughout the first three weeks ofDecember. Having ascertained that to be

a judge you needed to be called Dave, Iresigned myself to the fact that I willnever aspire to the heady heights ofjudgedom unless the name Mayqueendramatically improves in popularity. Thequality of the entrants was amazing andI was particularly impressed withShattered Alliance’s cover of “Messagein a Bottle” and the Hangovers’alternative “Sweet Home Alabama”.However, a well-deserved victory waswon by Pistols at Dawn – I’m sure we’llbe hearing a lot more of them in thefuture.

One of the highlights this month wasmy favourite shop, Time*Bomb’s 5thBirthday Party at The Ship. Dr.Smutglove started the evening off withtheir own inimitable brand of musictherapy and NurseFanny evenmanaged to keepher wig onthroughout thewhole performance.I turned up sportinga spectacular pairof FMB’s and spentthe evening press-ganging all andsundry into buyingraffle tickets forpossibly Alzheimer’sbut I forget now.The bar bell wasresurrected, muchto the bar staffs’annoyance and I

impressed myself by declining aninvitation to carry on partying in theBlack Sheep Bar, mainly due to the factthat I didn’t get to bed until 5am thenight before.

Christmas just isn’t Christmas withouta pantomime dame and a few chorusesof “He’s behind you!” and this year wasno exception. I went along to CoulsdonTheatre Workshop’s home-grownproduction of “Sinbadaladdin”, writtenby the hugely talented Richard Lloyd. Asit said on the box (or the programme),this was a medley of two pantomimessellotaped together and shipped off tothe Orient, involving two principal boys,lots of thigh slapping and someingenious re-wording of popular songs,my favourite being Scouting for Girls’“She’s So Rubbery”.

And to finish off, I’ve just beenreliably informed that because stoats thisyear are whiter than usual, we’re in for acold (and possibly snowy) winter. Sowhen you’re trudging around in yourwellies, getting snowballed in the ear bythe local riff-raff, don’t say I didn’t warnyou. And don’t tread on anycamouflaged stoats either.

I’m off now for another tankard ofmulled wine, and I’ll see you at the baror, in the meantime, atwww.myspace.com/auntiemay99

Septuagenarian agony aunt cum rock mutton AuntieMay gets all festive...

“Edith had misheard my instructions to ‘meetinside’ and thought I’d said ‘meet in disguise’,hence the Freddie Mercury outfit...”

48

Croydopoly. A word which strikesfear into the heart of thelightweight, but glee into ours.

Last month, for anyone who saw thebloody thing, we printed a new, updatedversion of the greatest pub-related-Croydon-based-game ever invented,EVER! on our centre pages, and waitedto arrange a date to basically go out ona massive monopoly-themed bender.

Unfortunately, illness prevented usfrom having a go at even the basicgame, or from having a Christmas party,and lo we were right pissed off. So,what we’ve decided to do is re-print theboard this month and have a mass,everyone invited, probably suicide gameof Croydopoly as a kind of post-Christmas-Christmas-party, if you will.

For anyone new to the magazine orto the Croydopoly phenomena, a briefhistory of ridiculous boozing can befound online in our December issue, andregularly every two years before that,usually around Christmas - we’ve triedto come up with different games butreally, Croydopoly was brushed withsuch genius that we’ve struggled eversince to top it for sheer bloody FUN!

So, given all that, we’ll be sorting outthis mass venture over the next coupleof weeks via the Croydopoly Facebookfan page to occur near the end of themonth, with any luck, so join up, sign upand come along to our Christmas-post-Christmas-January-is-dull party. Hurrah!

As you know, we here at DeepVillas are big fans of history -indeed we’ve bored you, er,

educated you on many an historical fact,from our chavvy Croydon dinosaur andplague pits in Lloyd Park to SamuelColeridge-Taylor and all points inbetween. You may also have picked upin the last five and a half years thatwe’re big fans of pubs and drinking too(see above for a prime example), sowhen our mate Nick had a genius ideaabout old Croydon boozers and thehistory therein it presented theopportunity to combine the two andthus we were well on board straight

away.A short time later this idea had

germinated, as such ideas do, into theformation of a facebook group for thepurpose of garnering more pictures,more anecdotes and generally more stuffon Croydon boozers wot are no more.As we go to print, 220-odd like-mindedindividuals have joined up posting over70 photos of fondly and not so fondlyremembered pubs, bad haircuts andgeneral tomfoolery.

So what have we learnt? Well,amongst other wondrous things: thatQueen and The Clash played in Purley;Jimi Hendrix amongst others gigged atthe Star in West Croydon; that thereused to be a pub called, marvellously,The Robinson Crusoe in Surrey Street as

well as a spectacularly dubiously namedone round the corner; that they don’tbuild shopping centres with pubs smackbang in the middle of them any more;not to let your sister loose with a load ofold pictures of you and a scanner; thatthe 70’s and 80’s really were the decadesthat fashion forgot; that I’ve been, atsome point, drinking in close proximityto everyone I know now, even if I didn’tknow them then; that seemingly everybuilding in Croydon used to be a boozerof some description and that everyonehas a photo of themselves wearingridiculous attire in one of them that nolonger exists.

However! Our job is not done, not bya long chalk. For example, there seem tobe no pictures of ‘TheCroydon’ when it wasstill called that, beforeit was the Rat andParrot, or of the insideof the Forum. This issomewhatunsurprising given thatit wasn’t really a feastfor the eyes, but still,someone must haveone, somewhere,surely?

So, the purpose ofthis little article is toask you, loyal Deep

readers and therefore probablydrunkards, who grew up in or drank inthis area to join the group and have awander down memory lane, then postyour pictures of when you had hair andthere were still ashtrays on tables, relayyour anecdotes, remind us of anywherewe’ve missed etc etc. You’ll probablyend up finding people on there youhaven’t seen for years, and be remindedof that time you fell down the stairs inAlley cats or got twatted on breezers atPo-Na-Nas - good times...

In case you’re still unsure of whatwe’re talking about, the name of thegroup says it all really ‘Old CroydonBoozers and Clubs now Demolished orClosed’, or if you need more details, thetag is ‘To recollect (and hopefully supplypics of hideous interiors, exteriors andhaircuts) of Croydon pubs or clubs. Withan especial amusement value in TheCroydon, The Tavern in the Town, AlleyCats, Goodies (King's Cellars), TheSwamp, The Office, HollywoodBoulevard, The Rose and Crown,Watertown, The Horse and Jockey, CafeMoonshine, The Horn and Trumpet,Easy Streets, The Mailcoach, TheGloucester, The Underground, The Dogand Duck - Purley, the Half Moon, theBlack Horse, The Mitre, Pals, The Forum,The Blue Beyond, the Blue Anchor, thatfunny looking place that was demolishedfor Brannigans to be built, that sort ofthing.’ Bet there were a couple in thatlist alone that you’d forgotten about,which is kind of the point, so what onearth are you waiting for? Join us, joinus, join us...

Send your pictures to museum-of-croydonpubs@inbox.com

It’s January, it’s boring, what else are you going to do..?

What history have we learnt? How about JimiHendrix gigging at West Croydon’s Star Hotel?

50

As reported last month, friend ofthe mag and semi-regularcontributor John ‘Creepy’

Chambers launched his new venture -Jack The Ripper tours - in December,what with him being a bit of an experton the whole grisly business andtherefore amply qualified. The Deepmassive, i.e the Bonsai Ed, Auntie Mayand Ferg our erstwhile one-line-record-reviewer went along to join him and therest of the tourists and see what it’s allabout.

And thus on a cold evening inDecember, and I mean really COLD, weduly met up at the designated point, theinfamous Blind Beggar pub inWhitechapel, ready to set off on avoyage of discovery concerning one ofthe most enduring murder mysteriesever.

Being somewhat unfamiliar with theWhitechapel area, I have to say Creepy -resplendent in top hat, great coat andthe whole bit - did a marvellous job ofguiding us around the streets, and it’sjust a shame that so much of was whatthere has now gone to make way fordual carriageways and the like, whichmeans you have to use your imaginationa lot, but given what the tour is about,and how the guide paints the vividpicture of the dark, squalid, narrowLondon alleys where the Ripper plied histrade and the life of the prostitutes hepreyed upon maybe it’s not such a badthing that we now have such electrictrickery as streetlights and the like.

The tour takes in all the Ripper sites,and meanders along Brick Lane, intoMitre Square, past Spitalfields market -all over the place in fact, and is deliveredin an informal yet informative style,lively and obviously scrupulouslyresearched, with a bit of audienceparticipation and drama thrown in, ahalf-way stop off (much needed in thecold) at another pub right next to one ofthe murder sites and a particularly grislyhand-around of some truly appalingphotos of the victims.

In fact, so interesting was one of thestopping-place talks that we managed topick up a couple of Australians whohappened to be passing, heard whatCreeps was talking about andimmediately joined the tour for theduration. The duration, by the way, is avalue for money feast of gore andmystery of over two hours, and whenwe went, substantially longer, but itnever got boring - I wouldsuggest wearing sensible shoesthough, as there is a fair bit oftrekking about from site to site.

Particularly enjoyable is anexcursion to an alley which ispretty much unchanged fromhow it was in the 1880s, whichreally brings it all home.

At the end of the tourthere’s an opportunity for afew drinks in the Ten Bells pubwhere I took the opportunityto ask fellow tourists what theythought, a question met

universally with praise for the tour, forthe detail and the research that hadobviously gone into it and for Creepyhimself who manages to bring a very oldand well trodden chapter of history tolife with revelations for those who don;tknow the story in as much detail as hedoes and an enthusiasm for his subjectthat you don’t often get on these sort ofthings. Everyone I spoke to said they’drecommend the tour, and we at Deephave no problem whatsoever doing thesame. Creepy’s Jack The Ripper Tour -Spooky, a bit nippy, Approved!

Next Jack The Ripper Tours are onJanuary 18th, January 29th and

February 1st. For information on Jackthe Ripper visit www.casebook.org. For

more details or to join Creepy onWhitechapel’s Trail of Terror - Jack the

Ripper tour email him atred_baron_1888@hotmail.co.uk

51

52

As Jasmine and Prudith wouldsay, as well as the bon motabove, “nothing’s free these

days, is it?” (“except for those freestraws in the fast food restaurants, I’vegot 600,000 of those, I’m building alife sized model of Jamie Oliver. So Ican burn it...“). Credit crunch,recession, catastrophic world financialimplosion, call it what you will, theupshot of the work of a load of bankersis that we’re all skint at the moment, sowe here at deep thought we’d point youin the direction of a few things you cando that actually are free.

1Go out. There are 156 parks andopen spaces in Croydon to enjoyand walk through, from playing

fields to woods and all points inbetween. Three of our favourites areWaddon Ponds (access from WaddonCourt Road, Mill Lane and TheRidgeway) which is the only place inCroydon where you can still see theRiver Wandle, Coombe Woods with itsornamental gardens, pond andwaterfall (junction of Coombe Laneand Conduit Lane) and SouthNorwood Lake, set in attractiveparkland and the only large expanse ofopen water in Croydon (entrance is inAuckland Road, Woodvale Avenue andSylvan Road). Or you go and visit theplague pits in Lloyd Park, you know, ifyou want to...

2Go learn. For the price of atravelcard the world is yourlobster with the majority of

London’s museums and galleries lettingyobs like us in for free all year round.The fools. Some of the best are: TheBritish Museum (Great Russell Street,www.britishmuseum.org): Back from asubstantial refit and better than ever,the best museum in the world where4000 year old Pharoahs enjoy a busierafterlife than they planned for andwhere Karl Marx meets Buddha. TheAfrican collection, newly re-opened, isthe world's largest (and the best interms of range and quality).

The Natural History Museum (SouthKensington, www.nhm.co.uk) is abeautiful building in itself and hasanimatronic dinosaurs. Cool.

The Science Museum (SouthKensington,www.sciencemuseum.org.uk) doeswhat it says on the tin with loads ofinteractive fun sciencey stuff.

The National Gallery on TrafalgarSquare (www.nationalgallery.org.uk)houses one of the greatest collectionsof Western European painting in theworld, and is currently the place to seeTitian’s ‘Diana and Acteon’ - possiblyyour last chance to see it, in factbefore it potentially falls into the handsof a private collector in a dusty housesomewhere.

Both Tate Museums, Britain(Millbank) and Modern (Bankside), arefree to get into except for the specialexhibitions, and those are free if you’rea member (www.tate.org.uk). Otherfree cultural spots are The Museum ofCroydon (Katharine Street,www.museumofcroydon.com), theVictoria and Albert Museum in SouthKensington (www.vam.ac.uk), theImperial War Museum(www.iwm.org.uk), the Museum ofLondon (London Wall,www.museumoflondon.org.uk), theNational Maritime Museum inGreenwich and a host of others. Somuch culture, so nil cash to see it.Brilliant.

3Go see. TV and radio shows relyon an audience, so why not bagyourself some free tickets to go

and be at a recording or in a liveaudience. A great way to see some topnames for absolutely nish money.Result! To get tickets have a look atthese websites.www.applausestore.com,www.sroaudiences.com,www.tvrecordings.com,www.bbc.co.uk/tickets

4Go hear. Over a ton for a festivalticket? Balls to that - volunteersand stewards get in for nowt to

festivals and gigs as well as exhibitionsand the like. As you’d expect there issome work involved and places getsnapped up double quick, butopportunities do exist, starting now.There are no central recruiting points,you just have to scour the world wideinterweb, butwww.oxfam.org.uk/get_involved/stewarding/index.html seems to be a goodplace to start. Or be a litter picker -around 3000 tonnes of rubbish are leftbehind at Glasto and if that doesn'tsound appealing consider this:anything that can be identified, like awallet, is handed in to lost propertywhile rolls of cash are finders keepers.One litter picker found £8000, anotherdiscovered a kilo of hash in a hedge.

5Go get. Freecycle is a not forprofit organisation whose missionis “to build a worldwide gifting

movement that reduces waste, savesprecious resources & eases the burdenon our landfills while enabling ourmembers to benefit from the strengthof a larger community.” In otherwords, you post up details of stuff youdon’t want no more, other memberswho do want it come and get it fromyou, or you see something you wantthat someone else has posted and yougo get it from them - all for free. Ourmate Mark Morriss got a piano fromfreecycle. Nice one. The Croydonfreecycle group has 7,331 activemembers and all sorts of stuff beingoffered. To join the group visitwww.freecycle.org and type inCroydon.

There you go then, 5 ideas for ahealthy balanced social life for nilpence. Who says you don’t getsomething for nothing, rather like thismagazine really. Good day to you, butnot that good...

“A thousand pounds, it’s too many pounds a thousand pounds...”

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54

Here’s a fun game for you all youmotor vehicle drivers to playthis new year: have a quick

think about how many times a weekyou actually use your car - driving towork, nipping to the shops, thegeneral humdrum of everyday life youdon’t even consciously consider. I’vebeen playing this game since beforeChristmas and have so far counted anaverage of around three outings a dayin the motor to perform everydaytasks.

So far so what, you may bethinking, but consider this; you’vebumped into someone or been outafter work, you’ve had a couple ofdrinks, you think you’ll be fine to drive.As the tv adverts on the telly will tellyou, it’s a very silly thing to do, but wedon’t really take any notice of those,do we? We think we’re fine, don’t we?Hmm.

In my case it was even less sinisterand utterly more asinine than that. Iwasn’t trying to drive home, I had hada ‘bright idea’ that seemed to makeperfect sense at the time in that Ithought I’d save myself a few quid onovernight parking by moving the carfrom the car park into a bay fromwhere I could retrieve it in themorning. Never in the history ofhumankind has a ‘plan’, such as it was,backfired so spectacularly as fromsaving myself like, a tenner, I foundmyself pulled over by the fuzz,breathalysed and promptly arrested fordrink-driving. I’m now facing thepossibility of a large fine, typicallyaround £5000. Not only that, butwhere driving bans used to bediscretionary, they are apparently nowmandatory - let me repeat that -MANDATORY - for drink-drivingconvictions. Now think again abouthow many times you use your car forhumdrum everyday things.

Hiring a lawyer won’t necessarilyhelp, but it’ll cost you upwards of agrand up front to find out if it could,and then more if they represent youetc, so financially you’re pretty muchknackered either way. All pretty bad

then, but it doesn’t stop there - let’snot even mention the criminal record(meaning you can’t go to America,apparently, so your holiday’s buggeredtoo), possible loss of job, communityservice - prison, even - and the massivehike in insurance costs, shall we? Nolet’s not. Let’s not mention either thatjob on Top Gear going right down theshitter...

Now you may, at this point, bethinking ‘you fucking idiot’ and you’dbe exactly right, you can’t make mefeel any worse about it than I doalready, believe me, but I am,essentially, a very sensible individual - I

have a good job, a mortgage, parentswho love me (or at least who do untilthey find out about this), I’ve never setfoot in a police station before, let alonebeen arrested, sat in the back of thecop car, been fingerprinted, DNAswabbed and everything else - it isNOT a pleasant or dignifiedexperience. All of which is why I’vewritten this piece, as a cautionary tale,and one that’s especially relevant aswe enter a new year and attempt tosurvive it intact.

Statistics show that last year therewere over 90,000 people convicted ofdrink-driving, so it follows that not allof them were those boozed-up nuttersyou see on ‘Police-Stop! A significantproportion must have been justnormal, ordinary human beings, likeyou out there reading this - or like me,in fact - which just goes to show howeasy this kind of idiocy can be. According to a survey of 1,000 driversby Brake, the road safety charity, halfof drivers admit to drink-driving (afterdrinking any amount of alcohol at leastonce in the last twelve months), andone in four drivers admit to drivingafter drinking an amount of alcoholthey know is affecting their driving.

So half of us have done it to someextent or another, and yet we all thinkthe horrifying consequences can’thappen to us. Yes, they can, and whenthey do, you may be surprised thatyou’re over the limit at all, or at justhow far over you may have been - it’sextremely difficult to tell - variousfactors influence that particular can ofworms, and the penalties increaseexponentially depending on thereadings that come back from thestation breath tests.

The worst thing is that you just feelso utterly ashamed of yourself. I’vespoken to someone else who also

inexplicably became a fuckwit onenight and they agreed. In fact they saidthey felt like the biggest arsehole in theworld, which pretty much sums it up.And all that was for driving a fewhundred, incident-free yards - imaginehow you’d feel if you’d injured orkilled some poor bugger who wasminding their own business, imaginehow you’d feel if you’d killed a youngkiddie? Imagine if you’d managed tokill yourself - a big empty space at thedinner table. It really doesn’t bearthinking about.

So, we’re not saying don’t have agood time this year, far from it, we’resaying have an absolutely fabuloustime - I know I’m going to try to, butunfortunately I’ve got all the possibleconsequences of one moment of uttermadness hanging over my head untilmy court date on Valentine’s Day -nice - and it’s been hanging over theresince before Xmas, which put a bit of adampener on the festive season, to saythe least.

No, all we’re saying is - if you aregoing out for a few drinks, please staysafe and leave the car well alone. It’sreally, REALLY not worth it - seriously,trust me on this...

A survey by Brake, the road safety charity,shows that half of drivers admit to

driving after drinking alcohol

...Or, someone else does fuckwit so you don’t have to...

55

56

G'day to ya, mates and readersof Deep, from Port Headlandon the coast of North-West

Australia, where we've literally justblown into town after a four day roadtrip from Perth.

We - that's me, ole Noodle-bonceand my mate Giles, are headed toBroome for Christmas, and should bethere in time for a beer or twenty in apub on Christmas Eve afternoon.

Earlier this month, I was in Goa,India, heading for Mumbai, where Inarrowly missed the terrorist attack atthe Main Station, and nearing the endof the 2nd leg of a round-the-worldtrip... (many thanks, by the way, tothose who either texted or Facebookedme to ask if I was okay - it was muchappreciated at a pretty nervy time).

From there it was back to Delhi, allvia long long train journey's. The greatbit about that was the variety ofpeople I met. Swapping the non-stophassle and squalor of India for thesuper-chilled, clean and healthy sparkle

of Western Australia was a mind-bender.

Last time I was in Oz I had a monthin Melbourne, then did a loopclockwise via Ayres Rock and down theGold Coast to Sydney. After a goodfew weeks of trying to avoid pissed-upPoms in Billabong clothes, and grouchyAussies who, quite understandably,didn't like 'em, Oz wasn't what Iwanted or had hoped for at all.

The idea had been to end with theclassic Bondai Beach Christmas, butfrankly it was way too expensive andcommercial to bother, and an internalflight to Perth was by far the rightmove. That was 1998, and so now I

find myself back here, 10 years later...I based myself in 'Freo' (Fremantle),

near Perth, for a fortnight and had thattime to myself before a mate wasflying in from the UK to double thenumbers for a month, and making tripsto Rottnest Island ( blissfully car-free soI cycled 'round it with a bloke fromBelfast), The WACA (pronounced'WAKKA') Ground - home of WAcricket, and Lillee, Thomson andGilchrist if your into the game like Iam, were bloody brilliant. Soaking upFreo's arty music scene was also fab. Abus ride south to Albany was cool too,in both senses of the word.

Then I shot back to Perth and metmy mate Giles at the airport, we hireda small van, and here we are.

Every good road trip needs a kick-arse soundtrack, right? Well theamount and variety of choons we haveat our disposal is the dingos tackle,from rock 'n' indie thru world music to

reggae, etc, but AC/DC isunsurprisingly hitting top spot at themo.

We've followed The Great NorthHighway up and across, staying incamp sites barbecuing Roo Steaks andKanga Bangers and drinking EmuExport. I love it, being the outdoorsytype who prefers to stay in a tentinstead of a Holiday Inn when I go to afestival. Well, I thought that was theidea... Hands up all those who agree !

We've passed through towns withnames like Meekatharra, and nearby toplaces like Jingalong, and yeah, beenvery close to The Rabbit-Proof Fence.

My memory so far is mainly of the

colours - the earth and sand arepaprika-red. The tarmac granite grey.The sky is a vivid, vivid blue and thecyclone off the nearby coast to thenorth coupled with the mini-twisters or'willie willies', spin and stretch the fewclouds up there to candy floss.

And there's a ton of roadkill. Thecarcasses of dead 'roos, over-sizedlizards, cattle and sheep dot the sidesof the two-lane black and grey top.

Seen quite a few Aborigines too. Aweird and wonderful looking race ofpeople with, it seems, no real future atthe moment, apart from booze anddrugs. The littlies (kids) chatter andgiggle non-stop.

Well. I gotta go and grab a coldone. It's 35-plus out there and I needto re-hydrate. Hope I didn't ramble ontooooo much and bore the hide off ya.

Have an awesome and fantastic2009, folks.

Hugs, Geoff. xx

The latest dispatches from the other side of the world courtesy ofDeep’s very own globe-trotting correspondant Geoff Lyons...

Monday 22nd December: After 19 days technically standing upside down, had I put hard-rock mousse in myhair, I'd now look like that fella off the 7-Up can... for this is indeed The Land Of Oz, and we're a long wayfrom Kansas, Toto (and Croydon, for that matter...)

“A trip to the WACA, home of WesternAustralian cricket, if you’re into the game

like I am, was bloody brilliant”

58

Mystic Mike returns - there seems to be no way tostop him - with your stars for the year ahead...

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20WORK: I can’t remember what I wasdoing the other day but I remember itturned out alright in the end. I have afeeling it was to do with gherkins and asmall bowl of cribbage.

LOVE: Cobwebs.

FRIENDS: Quite a successful year friendswise for you as some crawl out of thewoodwork. Admittedly calling woodliceyour friends isn’t great but you have tostart somewhere.

MONEY: Sam and the gang are back withbrand new exciting adventures heroicallyhelping the residents of Pontypandy. Samis joined by a host of fun and engagingnew characters, including a newMountain Rescue Station manned by therugged Tom Thomas and a stray buttalented dog, Dusty.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22WORK: Did you know that Guam and theMariana Islands (just off junction 23,North of Kettering) have the highest ratesof spam consumption? Somewhere in theregion of 16 tins a year I believe, sopopular that it’s on the menus in the bigfast food franchises as well.

LOVE: Did you know that Nepal is theonly country in the world whose flag isnot square or rectangular?

FRIENDS: I didn’t realise that PablePicasso's full name was "Pablo Diego JoséFrancisco de Paula Juan NepomucenoMaría de los Remedios Cipriano de laSantísima Trinidad Martyr Patricio ClitoRuiz y Picasso."

MONEY: Apparently the woodpeckerstongue is so long that it actually curlsaround its skull.

continued on page 60

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22WORK: I would have to say, if you askedme, that personally I think Safety Last! Isbetter than The Freshman, but then Ithink some of the others were better –Feet First, I do or Hot Water for example.His estate was called Greenacres, which ison the way to the nursery actually, weird.

LOVE: You have to love yourself beforeyou can love anyone else. That’s what theimpotence clinic told a friend of a friendanyway.

FRIENDS: Few and far between.

MONEY: Copper jar.

Gemini May 21-Jun 21WORK: You take a job as a fall guy in thenew year. Another year older, anotheryear none the wiser eh Gemini?

LOVE: Believe it or not you actually havequite a good year love wise. Your currentpartner (if you have one) doesn’t cheat onyou (again) and if you don’t have apartner you will get one (that doesn’tcheat on you, other than with the personwho had the current partner, who’spartner cheated on them, with your newpartner). Ok?

FRIENDS: There is a growing school ofthought that the validity of friendship isexaggerated by the media. In otherwords, having friends is sooooo lastseason, acquaintances are the wayforward. You should be fine.

MONEY: I had some money once, but Igave it away in exchange for a bag ofpotatoes. Now you might think that wasan odd transaction, but those potatoesbecame mash, which became a major TVhit. Yes, it is I, Bodger, from Bodger andBadger fame (and riches).

Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20

Taurus Apr 21-May 20WORK: You take a job as a pencilsharpener in March and are promoted inOctober, well done. You finish the year asfirst reserve Pritt Stick.

LOVE: Now you’re not allowed to putcards in phone boxes your “love” life hasentered something of a slump. Still, betterthan being entered by a stump.

FRIENDS: I once ran out of ketchup anddecided to use my own blood instead.

MONEY: You get mugged in July, justoutside the Whitgift Centre. On the brightside, at least it means you don’t actuallyhave to enter the godforsaken pit thatencapsulates Croydon at its worst.

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19WORK: Does your colleagues lockingyou in the filing cabinet count asworking? It does? Ok, well in that case aproductive year work-wise.

LOVE: It’s never simple is it, love? Imean, I love Leona Lewis and yet when Iask the Editor to arrange to meet her shereminds me of my wife and child. Love iscruel.

FRIENDS: I thought of a good idea for atelevision programme. Basically a lot ofpeople are struggling to get on thehousing market so you get some couplesto guess how many bricks it takes tobuild a house. They get to see the plansof course and various parts of the buildare completed by celebrities, as well asthe contestants, then the winner gets thehouse. I’m full of good ideas. And ribena.

MONEY: $

60

Leo Jul 23-Aug 22WORK: I think it was Bertrand Russellwho said that one of the symptoms of anapproaching nervous breakdown was thebelief that ones work is terribly important.Quote that next time you’re getting agoing over from the boss. By the time youcount to 10, the problem will have“disappeared.”

LOVE: I think it was The Walker Brotherswho said that breaking up was so veryhard to do. I guess you’d know, what withbeing an egg.

FRIENDS: Five of them, all the same size.

MONEY: Depends if free range, but Iwould say about £1.52 a box?

Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21WORK: I see a man in glasses.

LOVE: I see a woman in glasses.

FRIENDS: I see people in glasses.

MONEY: I see glasses.

Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21WORK: Tumble outta bed, I stumble tothe kitchen, pour myself a cup ofambition, yawnin’, stretchin’, tryin’ tocome to life.

LOVE: They say that when you getmarried, it’ll be too a millionaire, but theydon’t realise where you came from and Iwonder if they really care or give a damn.

FRIENDS: It’s really laughable ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho.

MONEY: All I really want is money in mypocket, cash in my hand, yo skrilla in mywallet.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20WORK: Whilst in these testing times anyjob or career should be valued andprotected, just claiming that you work in“this and that” doesn’t count. Nobodyreally believes you when you say it’s anew retail outlet.

LOVE: Your penchant for cross-dressingdoesn’t bode well but you do meetsomeone next year who at leastunderstands. Unfortunately it’s JeremyKyle and he’s lying.

FRIENDS: Take-away delivery driver, bankclerk, bus conductor or mad preacherwoman near the station; none of thesewant to speak to you at any length,they’re working, please accept it.

MONEY: The one positive side of life in2009 Aries fans. Your Granny dies andleaves enough poundage for you to seeout your abysmal existence for a further12 months by which time maybe I’ll havebetter news for you?

Libra Sep 23-Oct 22WORK: Bentley’s gonna sort you out.

LOVE: A lady once said to me that I didn’tknow the meaning of the word love.Naturally I quoted it verbatim from theconcise and yet she said something aboutthat not being the true meaning at whichpoint I just thought to myself: “I’m acelebrity astrologer and you’re a groupie,what do you know?”

FRIENDS: Probably the cruellest of blowsis landed early in the year as a number ofyour “friends” are taken away from youin one fell swoop. Still, you must be ableto move your box from outsideWoolworths of an evening to somewhereelse, no?

MONEY: A not very famous person oncesaid that if you pay peanuts, you getmonkeys. In case you were wondering,this is not true. I tried to pay peanuts,oddly enough for a bag of peanuts, and Igot nothing. Not even a small baboon. Ilost a monkey in Japan once.