deep questions to ponder
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Deep questions to PonderTRANSCRIPT
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
DeepQuestionsTo Ponder
DeepQuestionsTo Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a man sayssomething in thewoods & there are nowomen there, is hestill wrong?
If a man sayssomething in thewoods & there are nowomen there, is hestill wrong?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Isn't is a bit unnervingthat doctors call whatthey do "practice"?
Isn't is a bit unnervingthat doctors call whatthey do "practice"?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
When sign makers go onstrike, is anythingwritten on their signs?
When sign makers go onstrike, is anythingwritten on their signs?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
When you open a bagof cotton balls, is thetop one meant to bethrown away?
When you open a bagof cotton balls, is thetop one meant to bethrown away?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Why isn't there mouseflavored cat food?Why isn't there mouseflavored cat food?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Why do they reportpower outages on TV?Why do they reportpower outages on TV?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What do you do whenyou see an endangeredanimal that is eating anendangered plant?
What do you do whenyou see an endangeredanimal that is eating anendangered plant?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What's another wordfor thesaurus?What's another wordfor thesaurus?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a parsley farmeris sued, can theygarnish his wages?
If a parsley farmeris sued, can theygarnish his wages?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Would a fly withoutwings be called a walk?Would a fly withoutwings be called a walk?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Why do people whoknow the least knowit the loudest?
Why do people whoknow the least knowit the loudest?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If the funeralprocession is at night,do folks drive withtheir headlights off?
If the funeralprocession is at night,do folks drive withtheir headlights off?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a stealth bombercrashes in a forest,will it make a sound?
If a stealth bombercrashes in a forest,will it make a sound?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a turtle doesn'thave a shell, is hehomeless or naked?
If a turtle doesn'thave a shell, is hehomeless or naked?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
When it rains, whydon't sheep shrink?When it rains, whydon't sheep shrink?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Should vegetarianseat animal crackers?Should vegetarianseat animal crackers?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If the cops arrest amime, do they tellhim he has the rightto remain silent?
If the cops arrest amime, do they tellhim he has the rightto remain silent?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Why is the wordabbreviation so long?Why is the wordabbreviation so long?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
When companies shipstyrofoam, what dothey pack it in?
When companies shipstyrofoam, what dothey pack it in?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you're cross-eyedand have dyslexia, canyou read all right?
If you're cross-eyedand have dyslexia, canyou read all right?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a mute swears,does his mother washhis hands with soap?
If a mute swears,does his mother washhis hands with soap?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If someone with multiplepersonalities threatensto kill themself, is itconsidered a hostagesituation?
If someone with multiplepersonalities threatensto kill themself, is itconsidered a hostagesituation?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Does a dyxlexicSatan worshipperend up committinghis life to Santa?
Does a dyxlexicSatan worshipperend up committinghis life to Santa?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
When the chipsare down, is thebuffalo is empty?
When the chipsare down, is thebuffalo is empty?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Do you sometimesfeel like you’rediagonally parkedin a paralleluniverse?
Do you sometimesfeel like you’rediagonally parkedin a paralleluniverse?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Do you ever wonderhow much deeperthe ocean would bewithout sponges?
Do you ever wonderhow much deeperthe ocean would bewithout sponges?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you have everything,where would you put it?If you have everything,where would you put it?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Do dyslexics havemore fnu?Do dyslexics havemore fnu?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If it's true that weare here to help others,then what exactly arethe OTHERS here for?
If it's true that weare here to help others,then what exactly arethe OTHERS here for?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What happens ifWhat happens ifyou get scared halfyou get scared halfto death twice?to death twice?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If the EnergizerIf the EnergizerBunny was arrested,Bunny was arrested,would he be chargedwould he be chargedwith battery?with battery?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
How do you tellHow do you tellwhen you run outwhen you run outof invisible ink?of invisible ink?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Why do psychicsWhy do psychicshave to ask youhave to ask youfor your name?for your name?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Is there anotherword for synonym?Is there anotherword for synonym?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Hard work neverHard work neverkilled anyone butkilled anyone butwhy chance it?why chance it?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Two wrongs to notTwo wrongs to notmake a right, butmake a right, butthree lefts do.three lefts do.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Can you be a closetCan you be a closetclaustrophobic?claustrophobic?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Before they inventedBefore they inventeddrawing boards, what diddrawing boards, what didthey go back to?they go back to?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
How do I set my laserHow do I set my laserprinter to stun?printer to stun?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If one synchronizedIf one synchronizedswimmer drowns, do theswimmer drowns, do therest have to drown too?rest have to drown too?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you are born again,If you are born again,do you have two bellydo you have two bellybuttons?buttons?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you try to fail, andIf you try to fail, andsucceed, which have yousucceed, which have youdone?done?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Why is the alphabet inWhy is the alphabet inthat order? Is itthat order? Is itbecause of that song?because of that song?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What happens when noneWhat happens when noneof your bees wax?of your bees wax?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If most car accidentsIf most car accidentsoccur within five milesoccur within five milesof home, why doesn'tof home, why doesn'teveryone just move 10everyone just move 10miles away?miles away?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a book about failuresIf a book about failuresdoesn't sell, is it adoesn't sell, is it asuccess?success?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Is it possible to beIs it possible to betotally partial?totally partial?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
How do you know whenHow do you know whenit's time to tune yourit's time to tune yourbag pipes?bag pipes?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Is it true that cannibalsIs it true that cannibalsdon't eat clowns becausedon't eat clowns becausethey taste funny?they taste funny?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Do they have reservedDo they have reservedparking for non-handicappedparking for non-handicappedpeople at the Specialpeople at the SpecialOlympics?Olympics?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you shoot a mime,If you shoot a mime,should you use ashould you use asilencer?silencer?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What was the best thingWhat was the best thingbefore sliced bread?before sliced bread?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What is the speed ofWhat is the speed ofdark?dark?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What is a "free" gift?What is a "free" gift?Aren't all gifts free?Aren't all gifts free?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
How come you neverHow come you neverhear abouthear about gruntled gruntledemployees?employees?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
When blondesWhen blondeshave more fun,have more fun,do they know it?do they know it?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What happens ifWhat happens ifyou get scared halfyou get scared halfto death twice?to death twice?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
24 hours in a day ...24 hours in a day ...24 beers in a case…24 beers in a case…coincidence?coincidence?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Is a laughing stockIs a laughing stockcattle with a sensecattle with a senseof humor?of humor?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Should women putShould women putpictures of missingpictures of missinghusbands on beerhusbands on beercans?cans?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Who is GeneralWho is GeneralFailure and why is heFailure and why is hereading my hard disk?reading my hard disk?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Where do forest rangersgo to "get away from itall?"
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Why do they put Brailleon the drive-throughbank machines?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
How do they get thedeer to cross at thatyellow road sign?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
What was the best thingbefore sliced bread?
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Before they inventeddrawing boards, whatdid they go back to?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Do infants enjoy infancyas much as adults enjoyadultery?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If all the world is astage, where is theaudience sitting?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If one synchronizedswimmer drowns, do therest have to drown too?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If the #2 pencil is themost popular, why is itstill #2?
DeepThoughtsto Ponder
DeepDeepThoughtsThoughtsto Ponderto Ponder
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Never underestimate thepower of stupid people inlarge groups
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The older you get, thebetter you realize youwere
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Age is a very high priceto pay for maturity
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Procrastination is theart of keeping up withyesterday
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Women like silent men,they think they'relistening
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Men are from Earth,women are from Earth.Deal with it.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The journey of a thousandThe journey of a thousandmiles begins with a brokenmiles begins with a brokenfan belt and a leaky tirefan belt and a leaky tire
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
It's always darkest beforeIt's always darkest beforedawn. So if you're goingdawn. So if you're goingto steal your neighbor'sto steal your neighbor'snewspaper, that's the timenewspaper, that's the timeto do itto do it
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Sex is like air. It's notSex is like air. It's notimportant unless you aren'timportant unless you aren'tgetting anygetting any
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Don't be irreplaceable. IfDon't be irreplaceable. Ifyou can't be replaced, youyou can't be replaced, youcan't be promotedcan't be promoted
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
No one is listening until youNo one is listening until youhave gashave gas
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Never test the depth ofNever test the depth ofthe water with both feetthe water with both feet
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
It may be that your soleIt may be that your solepurpose in life is simply topurpose in life is simply toserve as a warning toserve as a warning toothersothers
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
It is far more impressiveIt is far more impressivewhen others discover yourwhen others discover yourgood qualities without yourgood qualities without yourhelphelp
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you think nobody caresIf you think nobody caresif you're alive, try missingif you're alive, try missinga couple of car paymentsa couple of car payments
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Before you criticizeBefore you criticizesomeone, you should walk asomeone, you should walk amile in their shoes. Thatmile in their shoes. Thatway, when you criticizeway, when you criticizethem, you're a mile awaythem, you're a mile awayand you have their shoesand you have their shoes
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If at first you don'tIf at first you don'tsucceed, skydiving is notsucceed, skydiving is notfor youfor you
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Give a man a fish and heGive a man a fish and hewill eat for a day. Teachwill eat for a day. Teachhim how to fish, and he willhim how to fish, and he willsit in a boat & drink beersit in a boat & drink beerall dayall day
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you lend someone $20,If you lend someone $20,and never see that personand never see that personagain, it was probably worthagain, it was probably worthitit
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Don't squat with yourDon't squat with yourspurs onspurs on
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you tell the truth, youIf you tell the truth, youdon't have to rememberdon't have to rememberanythinganything
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you drink, don't park;If you drink, don't park;accidents cause people.accidents cause people.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Some days you’re the bug,Some days you’re the bug,some days you’re thesome days you’re thewindshieldwindshield
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Don't worry, it only seemsDon't worry, it only seemskinky the first timekinky the first time
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Good judgment comes fromGood judgment comes frombad experience, and a lotbad experience, and a lotof that comes from badof that comes from badjudgmentjudgment
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The quickest way to doubleThe quickest way to doubleyour money is to fold it inyour money is to fold it inhalf and put it back in yourhalf and put it back in yourpocketpocket
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Timing has an awful lot toTiming has an awful lot todo with the outcome of ado with the outcome of arain dancerain dance
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A closed mouth gathers noA closed mouth gathers nofootfoot
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Duct tape is like the Force.Duct tape is like the Force.It has a light side & a darkIt has a light side & a darkside, and it holds theside, and it holds theuniverse togetheruniverse together
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
There are two theories toThere are two theories toarguing with women.arguing with women.Neither one works.Neither one works.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Generally speaking, youGenerally speaking, youaren't learning much whenaren't learning much whenyour mouth is movingyour mouth is moving
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Experience is something youExperience is something youdon't get until just afterdon't get until just afteryou need ityou need it
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Never miss a good chanceNever miss a good chanceto shut upto shut up
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Eagles may soar,Eagles may soar,but weasels don'tbut weasels don'tget sucked intoget sucked intojet enginesjet engines
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I almost had aI almost had apsychic girlfriendpsychic girlfriendbut she left mebut she left mebefore we metbefore we met
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I drive way tooI drive way toofast to worryfast to worryabout cholesterolabout cholesterol
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I love defenselessI love defenselessanimals, especiallyanimals, especiallyin a good gravyin a good gravy
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If Barbie is soIf Barbie is sopopular, why dopopular, why doyou have to buyyou have to buyher friends?her friends?
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I have a mindI have a mindlike a steel trap -like a steel trap -it’s rusty & illegalit’s rusty & illegalin 37 statesin 37 states
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Support bacteria -Support bacteria -they're the onlythey're the onlyculture someculture somepeople havepeople have
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Televangelists:Televangelists:
The Pro WrestlersThe Pro Wrestlersof religionof religion
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The only substituteThe only substitutefor good mannersfor good mannersis fast reflexesis fast reflexes
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
When everything'sWhen everything'scoming your way,coming your way,you're probablyyou're probablyin the wrong lanein the wrong lane
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Ambition is a poorAmbition is a poorexcuse for notexcuse for nothaving enoughhaving enoughsense to be lazysense to be lazy
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If everything seemsIf everything seemsto be going well,to be going well,you’ve obviouslyyou’ve obviouslyoverlooked somethingoverlooked something
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Everyone has aEveryone has aphotographicphotographicmemory. Some justmemory. Some justdon't have filmdon't have film
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
He’s a veterinarianHe’s a veterinarian& a taxidermist -& a taxidermist -either way, youeither way, youget your dog backget your dog back
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I poured SpotI poured Spotremover on my dog.remover on my dog.Now he's gone.Now he's gone.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I used to have anI used to have anopen mind but myopen mind but mybrains kept fallingbrains kept fallingout.out.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I couldn't repair yourI couldn't repair yourbrakes, so I madebrakes, so I madeyour horn louderyour horn louder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Wear short sleeves!Wear short sleeves!Support your rightSupport your rightto bare arms!to bare arms!
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
All those who believeAll those who believeinin psychokinesis psychokinesis raise raisemy handmy hand
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
He tried sniffingHe tried sniffingCoke once, butCoke once, butthe ice cubes gotthe ice cubes gotstuck in his nosestuck in his nose
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I’m not a completeI’m not a completeidiot, some partsidiot, some partsare missing.are missing.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A flashlight is aA flashlight is acase for holdingcase for holdingdead batteries.dead batteries.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Lottery: a tax onLottery: a tax onpeople with poorpeople with poormath skills.math skills.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
ArtificialArtificialIntelligence beatsIntelligence beatsreal stupidity.real stupidity.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Hard work has aHard work has afuture payoff.future payoff.Laziness pays offLaziness pays offright now.right now.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I used to have aI used to have ahandle on life,handle on life,then it broke.then it broke.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I don’t suffer fromI don’t suffer frominsanity. I enjoyinsanity. I enjoyevery minute of it.every minute of it.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
All generalizationsAll generalizationsare false, includingare false, includingthis one.this one.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
One good thingOne good thingabout Alzheimer’sabout Alzheimer’sis you get to meetis you get to meetnew people everynew people everyday.day.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Schizophrenia beatsSchizophrenia beatsbeing alone.being alone.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If at first youIf at first youdon’t succeed,don’t succeed,redefine success.redefine success.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A thing not worthA thing not worthdoing isn’t worthdoing isn’t worthdoing well.doing well.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Heck is whereHeck is wherepeople go who don’tpeople go who don’tbelieve in gosh.believe in gosh.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I don’t have aI don’t have asolution but I dosolution but I doadmire the problem.admire the problem.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Strip mining preventsStrip mining preventsforest fires.forest fires.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I think sex is betterI think sex is betterthan logic, but I can’tthan logic, but I can’tprove it.prove it.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A picture is worthA picture is wortha thousand words,a thousand words,but it uses up abut it uses up athousand times thethousand times thememory.memory.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The meek shallThe meek shallinherit the earth,inherit the earth,after weafter we’’re throughre throughwith it.with it.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a thing is worthIf a thing is worthdoing, it would havedoing, it would havealready been done.already been done.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Two can live asTwo can live ascheaply as one,cheaply as one,for half as long.for half as long.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Ham & EggsHam & EggsA day’s work for aA day’s work for achicken;chicken; a a lifetime lifetimecommitment for a pig.commitment for a pig.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Lord, if I can’t beLord, if I can’t beskinny, please atskinny, please atleast let all myleast let all myfriends be fat.friends be fat.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Good health isGood health ismerely the slowestmerely the slowestpossible rate atpossible rate atwhich one can die.which one can die.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The buck doesn’tThe buck doesn’teven slow down hereeven slow down hereso keep going.so keep going.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Confession is goodConfession is goodfor the soul but badfor the soul but badfor your career.for your career.
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Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
It’s hard to make aIt’s hard to make acomeback when youcomeback when youhaven’t beenhaven’t beenanywhere.anywhere.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Welcome to Utah,Welcome to Utah,set your clock toset your clock tolocal time, 1955.local time, 1955.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Money isn’tMoney isn’teverything, buteverything, butit sure keeps theit sure keeps thekids in touch.kids in touch.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Two wrongs to notTwo wrongs to notmake a right, butmake a right, butthree lefts do.three lefts do.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
My wild oats haveMy wild oats haveturned intoturned intoShreadedShreaded Wheat. Wheat.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Seen it all. DoneSeen it all. Doneit all. Can’tit all. Can’tremember most ofremember most ofit.it.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Five out of of fourFive out of of fourpeople have troublepeople have troublewith fractions.with fractions.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If quitters neverIf quitters neverwin, and winnerswin, and winnersnever quit, whatnever quit, whatfool came up withfool came up with“Quit while you“Quit while you’’rereahead.”ahead.”
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Stressed spelledStressed spelledbackwards isbackwards isdesserts.desserts.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Clones are people two.Clones are people two.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Go ahead & take risks.Just be sure thateverything will turnout okay.
Go ahead & take risks.Just be sure thateverything will turnout okay.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you can't be kind, atleast have the decencyto be vague.
If you can't be kind, atleast have the decencyto be vague.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I’m not a completeI’m not a completeidiot, some parts areidiot, some parts aremissing.missing.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A flashlight is a caseA flashlight is a casefor holding deadfor holding deadbatteries.batteries.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Lottery: a tax onLottery: a tax onpeople with poorpeople with poormath skills.math skills.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
ArtificialArtificialIntelligence beatsIntelligence beatsreal stupidity.real stupidity.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Hard work has aHard work has afuture payoff.future payoff.Laziness pays offLaziness pays offright now.right now.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I used to have aI used to have ahandle on life, thenhandle on life, thenit broke.it broke.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I don’t suffer fromI don’t suffer frominsanity. I enjoyinsanity. I enjoyevery minute of it.every minute of it.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
All generalizationsAll generalizationsare false, includingare false, includingthis one.this one.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
One good thingOne good thingabout Alzheimer’s isabout Alzheimer’s isyou get to meetyou get to meetnew people everynew people everyday.day.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Schizophrenia beatsSchizophrenia beatsbeing alone.being alone.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If at first youIf at first youdon’t succeed,don’t succeed,redefine success.redefine success.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A thing not worthA thing not worthdoing isn’t worthdoing isn’t worthdoing well.doing well.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Heck is whereHeck is wherepeople go whopeople go whodon’t believe indon’t believe ingosh.gosh.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I don’t have aI don’t have asolution but I dosolution but I doadmire the problem.admire the problem.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Strip miningStrip miningprevents forestprevents forestfires.fires.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I think sex is betterI think sex is betterthan logic, but I can’tthan logic, but I can’tprove it.prove it.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A picture is worthA picture is wortha thousand words,a thousand words,but it uses up abut it uses up athousand times thethousand times thememory.memory.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The meek shallThe meek shallinherit the earth,inherit the earth,after we’re throughafter we’re throughwith it.with it.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If a thing is worthIf a thing is worthdoing, it would havedoing, it would havealready been done.already been done.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Two can live asTwo can live ascheaply as one, forcheaply as one, forhalf as long.half as long.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Ham & EggsHam & EggsA day’s work for aA day’s work for achicken; a lifetimechicken; a lifetimecommitment for acommitment for apig.pig.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Lord, if I can’t beLord, if I can’t beskinny, please atskinny, please atleast let all myleast let all myfriends be fat.friends be fat.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Good health isGood health ismerely the slowestmerely the slowestpossible rate atpossible rate atwhich one can die.which one can die.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The buck doesn’tThe buck doesn’teven slow down hereeven slow down hereso keep going.so keep going.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Confession is goodConfession is goodfor the soul but badfor the soul but badfor your career.for your career.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
It’s hard to make aIt’s hard to make acomeback when youcomeback when youhaven’t beenhaven’t beenanywhere.anywhere.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Money isn’tMoney isn’teverything, buteverything, butit sure keeps theit sure keeps thekids in touch.kids in touch.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
My wild oats haveMy wild oats haveturned intoturned intoShreadedShreaded Wheat. Wheat.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Seen it all.Seen it all.Done it all.Done it all.Can’t rememberCan’t remembermost of it.most of it.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Five out of of fourFive out of of fourpeople have troublepeople have troublewith fractions.with fractions.
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If quitters neverIf quitters neverwin, and winners neverwin, and winners neverquit, what fool camequit, what fool cameup with “Quit whileup with “Quit whileyou’re ahead.”you’re ahead.”
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Stressed spelledStressed spelledbackwards isbackwards isdesserts.desserts.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Clones are peopleClones are peopletwo.two.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
On the other hand,you have differentfingers
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I just got lost inthought – it wasunfamiliar territory
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Those who live bythe sword get shotby those who don’t
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
You have the right toremain silent –anything you say willbe misquoted and thenused against you
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Honk if you lovepeace and quiet
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Nothing is foolproofto a sufficientlytalented fool
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Just remember, anytime you have a 50-50chance of gettingsomething right, there’sa 90% probability you’llget it wrong
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
If you lined up all thecars in the world endto end, someone wouldtry to pass them
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
The things that cometo those who waitmay be the thingsleft behind by thosewho got there first
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Deep Thoughts to Ponder
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
A fine is a tax fordoing wrong. A tax isa fine for doing well.
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
I started out withnothing and stillhave most of it
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Light travels fasterthan sound, which iswhy some peopleappear bright untilyou hear them speak
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Computers let you makemore mistakes fasterthan any other inventionin human history, withthe possible exceptionof handguns and tequila
Deep Thoughts to PonderDeep Thoughts to Ponder
Energizer Bunny arrested- charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood typeis always b-negative.
Practice safe eating -always use condiments.