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September 2013 FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

TIPS >>> PONDER THIS

HELP KIDS OVERCOME FEARS

As young people head back to the classroom, some pretty significant fears

are accompanying them. According to ad agency JWT, 78% of U.S. teenag-

ers say they’re worried whether there will be good jobs after graduation, 69%

are worried about doing well in school, and 67% are worried about which

college will accept them. Combined with other top adolescent fears (see “The

View”), that amounts to a lot of baggage to lug around.

To help relieve academic stress, experts recommend that parents take the fol-

lowing steps: Discuss your expectations; assure kids you’re proud of them

when they try their best, no matter the outcome; stay involved, showing in-

terest in their classes and activities; be available to help and talk when need-

ed; and watch for sudden declines in academic performance, which may indi-

cate a learning disorder or emotional distress.

Beyond the classroom, help teens conquer fears by offering these reminders:

FEAR can stand for False Evidence Appearing Real. Don’t let the devil

conjure up “what ifs” that won’t come close to reality.

When you’re paralyzed by fear, you won’t be able to live up to your God-

given potential.

Rely on God’s Word, which has the power to break through our fears and

will show us how to handle them with wisdom and strength.

THE VIEW Here are more stats about U.S. teen-

agers’ top fears:

The condition of the planet left

to their generation (64%)

How their parents are doing fi-

nancially (63%)

Real-world bullying (57%)

How attractive they are to oth-

ers (52%)

Doing well in sports and extra-

curricular activities (50%)

How popular they are at school

(46%)

Online bullying (43%)

How many friends they have

(39%)

Keeping up with other kids their

age (36%)

—JTW

What would you say are

your teenagers’ top fears,

and why? What attempts at

offering reassurance seem

effective or ineffective?

What causes you the most

anxiety, and how do you

tend to cope with stress?

How can you remember to

turn your fears over to God?

Although God tells us to

“fear” (or respect) him, he doesn’t

want us to be consumed by a spir-

it of fear. Here are some ways to

get a grip on our fears:

Distinguish between healthy and

unhealthy fear. Take time to get to

the bottom of whether your fear is

flowing from a positive or negative

source.

Decide to surrender unhealthy fear

through trusting Jesus more. Many

damaging fears that linger in our lives

are the result of a lack of faith. We

hold on to them because we subcon-

sciously think Jesus won’t be able to

take care of them properly.

Do a few things that will cause you

to confront your fears. Talking with

a trusted friend or mentor, taking risks in those areas of fear, and laying fears

down at Jesus’ feet can bring freedom

from negative thoughts.

Write down or memorize some

Scriptures. Verses such as He-

brews 13:5-6 and 1 Peter 5:7 will help you trust God’s promises when

fears and anxieties creep into your

mind.

Make wise statements and decisions

to help you avoid fears. The book of

Proverbs advises Christians to use

wisdom, sound judgment, and dis-cernment. Repeat these statements to

overcome fears:

“I am not alone.”

“I don’t have to live in fear.”

“I can make wise choices.”

BIBLE FOCUS “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strength-en you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. … For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”

Isaiah 41:10, 13

DELICIOUSLY SCARED Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers

By Steve Merritt

RESOURCE

Ever been deliciously scared? Think of late-night campfire stories that

make the hairs on the back of your

neck stand on end. When we’re on

high alert, we feel strangely alive—especially when we’re scaring our-

selves.

Manufactured fears actually help us

feel in control in our fear-permeated

world. Because we’re petrified of genuine fear, we tend to create it,

personally and as a culture. Scaring

ourselves helps us stay one step

ahead of potential monsters in the dark. Fear and control are indelibly

linked.

First John 4:18 (NIV) says, “There is

no fear in love. But perfect love

drives out fear.” Some writers say that in the New Testament, the opposite of

love isn’t hate but fear. When we relate

out of fear, it’s hard to love because

fear likes control but love doesn’t. When we parent out of fear, we try to

control kids. During adolescence, fear

takes root as teenagers understand more, see more, feel more, and want

more. This is fertile soil for fear and

battles over control.

In counseling, one form of manufac-

tured fear is “awfulizing.” That’s when

thoughts gravitate to the worst-case scenario. Like the young person with a

sprained ankle who asks, “Doc, when

do you have to amputate?” we jump to what we fear most so as not to be

caught off-guard.

That sounds foolish, but we all get caught up in some form of awfulizing at times.

Manufactured fear and awfulizing almost

always take us toward control. And control takes us away from love. Confronting our

fears is the first step back toward love—

and toward the loving God who tells us to “fear not.”

Discuss these questions with your kids: How does our culture (both secular and

Christian) scare itself?

What are some ways you see people

awfulizing? How do you do it? In what ways is fear the opposite of

love? How are fear and control con-

nected, and what’s the result?

In the downloadable resource No Fear Living (Simply Youth Ministry),

veteran youth leader Doug Fields offers four Bible-based messages about how to break free from fears. Topics include fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of commitment, and fear of the future.

MEDIA SPOTLIGHT

MAINSTREAM MUSIC

ROBIN THICKE

Background: This 36-year-old R&B singer got his start writing hits for

singers such as Brandy and Christina

Aguilera. But he’s come into his own, especially with the popularity of

the Blurred Lines album and song.

The video, of which there’s a version filled with nearly naked women, has

received criticism for being misogyn-

istic. One critic called it “kind of

rapey.” Thicke’s songs are chock-full of sex. Interestingly, he met his wife

when he was 16, and they’ve been

married since 2005.

Albums: Blurred L ines (2013), Sex

Therapy (2009), The Evolution of

Robin Thicke (2006)

What Thicke Says: “For me, nudi-ty is the least offensive thing in the

whole world. Guns, violence, war?

That’s offensive. … We’re not ogling and degrading [women]; we’re laugh-

ing and being silly with them.”

Explore: The censored version of “Blurred Lines” is available online

at: www.youtube.com/watch?

v=yyDUC1LUXSU. You can also

watch Thicke, Jimmy Fallon, and The Roots do a version here:

www.youtube.com/watch?

v=YOZjaqHioro

CHRISTIAN MUSIC

NEWSBOYS

Background: The Newsboys have been around since the mid-

’80s, but no original members

remain. They’ve stayed popular amid all the changes, including

the addition of former dc Talk

member Michael Tait as lead

singer. In the ’90s, when the Newsboys collaborated with Ste-

ve Taylor, their songs were full

of sarcasm and humor to get at the truth. The lyrics are straight-

forward now.

Albums: Restar t (2013), God’s Not Dead (2010), Adoration

(2003)

What the Newsboys Say: Lead

singer Tait says, “People will be

excited about this album because we’ve pushed the music and tak-

en it further than we’ve ever tak-

en it before. I haven’t felt this

way about anything I’ve been involved in musically since Jesus

Freak.”

Explore: You can watch the

story of “Live With Abandon”

here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=6E_DeBNh46U.

MOVIES

Movie: R iddick

Genre: Action, Sci-Fi

Rating: R

Synopsis: This new film in

the unexpectedly popular series finds antihero Riddick

(Vin Diesel) stranded on a

planet, fighting for his life.

Our Take: The R r ating

should be reason enough to

keep kids away. Based on the other films in the fran-

chise, this one will contain

lots of violence and lan-

guage.

Movie: Battle of the Year

Genre: Drama, Musical

Rating: Not yet rated

Synopsis: A team of danc-

ers must work together to

win back an international title for the U.S.

Our Take: Feel-good, over-

coming-obstacles movies offer temporary warm fuzz-

ies—and dance musicals

seem to be especially popu-lar. Our Take really relies

on what this is rated.

VIDEO GAMES

Diablo III—This action-RPG is making its way from the PC (where it’s been out for more than a year) to

the console. Your hero fights through randomly generated levels—facing hordes of evil creatures—until

squaring off against Diablo himself. (Rated: M; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

Grand Theft Auto V—This open-world sandbox game was one of the first of its kind. The games are well

-made, interesting, and push the limits of storytelling. They’re also full of sex, violence, and horrible

things that you’re doing as the “hero.” (Rated: M; Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

SEPTEMBER 2013 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thurs Fri Sat

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