diary of an awesome friendly kid: rowley jefferson's journal of an...2 the reason i called my...
TRANSCRIPT
HardLuck
TheLongHaul
OldSchool
DoubleDown
TheGetaway
TheMeltdown
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THEDIARYOFAWIMPYKIDSERIES
DiaryofaWimpyKid
RodrickRules
TheLastStraw
DogDays
TheUglyTruth
CabinFever
TheThirdWheel
AMULETBOOKS
NewYork
byJeffKinney
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MyFirstEntry
HiI'mRowleyJeffersonandthisismy
diary.Ihopeyoulikeitsofar.
Idecidedtostartajournalbecausemy
bestfriendGregHeffleyhasoneandwe
usuallydothesamestuff.OhyeahIshould
mentionthatmeandGregare
I'msureyou'reprobablylike"Welltellme
moreaboutthisGregguy."Butmybook
isn'taboutHIM,it'saboutME.
2
Thereason IcalledmybookDiaryofan
AwesomeFriendlyKidisbecausethat's
whatmydad isalwayssayingaboutme.
LikeImentionedalready,Gregismybest
friendwhichmakesmydadmySECOND
bestfriend.ButIdon'ttellhimthat
becauseIdon'twanttohurthisfeelings.
3
NowthatIbroughtupmydadIshould
mentionhedoesn'tseemtolikeGreg
allthatmuch.AndthereasonIget
thatfeelingisbecausemydadisalways
sayingit.
Butthat'sonlybecausemydaddoesn't
reallygetGreg'ssenseofhumor.
4
Rightnowyou'reprobablythinking"Hey
RowleyIthoughtthisbookwassupposed
tobeaboutYOU."Wellyou'rerightso
fromnowonIpromisethere'sgonnabea
lotmoreRowleyinhere.
Thefirstthingyouneedtoknowabout
meisthatIlivewithmymomanddad
inahouseatthetopofSurreyStreet,
whichisthesamestreetmybestfriend
Gregliveson.
Ialreadytalkedaboutmydadbutmy
momisprettygreattoobecauseshe
feedsmehealthyfoodandhelpsmekeep
mybodyclean.
5
EverymorningIwalktoschoolwithmy
friendGreg.Weusuallyhaveatotalblast
whenwe'retogetherbutsometimesIdo
thingsthatannoyhim.
ButwhatREALLYgetsonGreg's
nervesiswhenIcopyhim.SoI'm
probablynotgonnalethimknowabout
thisjournalbecauseit'sjustgonnamake
himmad.
Anywaywritinginthisbookisalot
ofworksothat'sallI'mgonnadofor
today.ButtomorrowI'llputalittle
moreGreginherebecauselikeIsaid
we'rebestfriends.
6
MySecondEntry
OKsobadnews:Gregfoundoutabout
mydiary.
IguessIfeltkindofproudthatIhadmy
ownjournalandIwantedtoshowhim.
ButjustlikeIpredicteditmadehimMAD.
GregsaidItotallyrippedhimoffand
thathewasgonnasuemeforstealing
hisidea.IsaidwellgoaheadandTRY
becauseyou'renottheFIRSTpersonto
writeinadiary.
7
ThenGregsaidit'saJOURNALnota
diaryandthenhewhappedmewithmy
ownbook.
ItoldGregifhewasgonnabeajerk
thenIwouldn'tsaynicethingsabouthim
inmyjournal.ThenIshowedhimwhatI
wrotesofar.
AtfirstheseemedannoyedbecauseI
alwaysforgettodrawnosesonpeople.
Butthenhesaidmybookgavehiman
IDEA.
Gregsaidonedayhe'sgonnaberichand
famousandeveryonewillwanttoknow
hiswholelife'sstory.AndhesaidIcould
betheonetoWRITEit.
8
IsaidIthoughtthat'swhatyour
JOURNALisforandhesaidthat'shis
AUTObiographybutmybookcouldbe
hisBIOGRAPHY.
GregsaidtherearegonnabeaLOTof
biographiesabouthimonedaybuthe'd
givemethechancetowritethefirstone.
Ithoughtthatsoundedlikeagoodidea
becauseI'mGreg'sbestfriendandnoone
knowshimbetterthanME.
SoI'mgonnastartthisbookoverwitha
newtitleandnowthemaincharacteris
gonnabeGreginsteadofme.Butdon't
worryI'mstillgonnabeinitalottoo.
EARLYLIFE
Mostbiographiesaboutpresidentsand
famouspeoplestartwithachaptercalled
"EarlyLife."WelltheproblemisthatI
didn'tmeetGreguntilthefourthgradeso
Idon'tknowalotaboutwhathappened
tohimbeforethen.
I'veseenafewphotoshangingonthe
wallsinGreg'shouseandfromwhatIcan
tellhewasaregularbaby.Andifhedid
anythingimportantwhenhewaslittleyou
can'treallytellfromthepictures.
11
Anywayfast-forwardtorightbeforethestartoffourthgradeandnowthis
biographyisgonnagetalotmoredetailed.
Weusedtoliveinawholedifferentstate
butthenmydadgotajobandwehadto
move.Myfamilyboughtanewhouseat
thetopofSurreyStreetandwemoved
inoverthesummer.
ThefirstfewdaysIdidn'tleavethe
housebecauseIwasscaredaboutbeingin
anewplace.
Iknowyouareprobablywondering"Well
whenishegoingtomeetGreg?"butjust
waitbecauseIamgettingtothatpart.
12
MymomsaidmaybeIshouldtrytomake
somefriendsandsheevenboughtmea
bookcalled"HowtoMakeFriendsinNew
Places"tohelpmedoit.
Thebookhadallkindsofthingslike
knock-knockjokestohelpakidlikememeetnewpeople.Butthetricksinthe
bookdidn'treallyworkonGreg.
LuckilymeandGregbecamefriends
anyway.
13
ItoldGregIlivedinthenewhouseatthe
topofthehillandhesaidthatwaskind
ofbadnewsformebecausewhenour
lotwasemptyheplantedaflagthereso
nowheownedmyhousepluseverything
init.
Butlateronmydadtoldmethatwasn't
trueandthenhewenttoGreg'shouseto
getmybikeback.
14
I'mprettysurethat'sthefirsttimemy
dadtoldmewhathethoughtaboutGreg.
ButIlikeGregaLOT.Heisalwaysdoing
hilariousthingslikemakingmelaughright
afterItakeabiggulpofmilk.
PlusGregisalwaysplayingwackypranks
onmeandtheyusuallymakemelaugh
prettyhardtoo.
15
SoI'llbetyoucantellwhymeandGreg
havebeenbestfriendssincefourth
grade.Ievengotusalockettomakeit
officialbutGregsaysthosethingsare
forgirlsandthat'swhyhewon'twear
hishalf.
WellIcouldprobablyfillupawholebook
withallthezanythingsmeandGregdo
butsincethisishisbiographyIshould
probablywritesomestuffabouthis
family.
16
GreghasamomanddadjustlikeIdo
buttheyareprettyregularparentssoI
don'thavealottosayaboutthem.
ButGregisn'tanonlychildlikeme.He'sgot
anolderbrothernamedRodrickwhohasa
rockbandcalledLodedDiper.
Someoftheirsongshaveswearsinthem
somymomanddadwon'tletmebeatthe
Heffleys'housewhenRodrickhaspractice.
17
GregalsohasalittlebrothernamedManny
whoisonlythree.Anddon'taskmewhy
butthefirsttimeIwenttoGreg'sfora
playdateMannyrandomlypulleddownhis
pantsandshowedmehisheinie.
NoweverytimeIseeMannyheactslike
wehavethisbigsecretorsomething
whichmakesmefeeluncomfortable.
AnywayIguessthatwrapsupthe
firstchapterofGreg'sbiography.And
ifyou'rethinking"Rowleywhenarewe
gonnagettotheexcitingparts?"then
justWAIT.
18
THETIMEIHADMYFIRST
SLEEPOVERATGREG'S
AftermeandGregmetwehadafew
playdatesatMYhouseandafewplaydates
atHIShouse.OhyeahIforgot,Greg
doesn'tlikeitwhenIcallthem"playdates"so
Iwillhavetochangethatinthenextdraft
orelseI'mgonnagetwhappedagain.
AnywaymeandGreg"hungout"alotat
eachother'shousesbutthenonedayhe
invitedmetohishouseforaSLEEPOVER.
IwasprettyworriedbecauseI'dnever
sleptawayfromhomebefore.InfactI
wasn'tevensleepinginmyOWNbedyet
becauseIwasscared.
ItoldmymomIwastoonervoustostay
atGreg'sbutIgotalittleLESSnervous
whenshesaidIcouldtakeCarrotswithme.
WhenIgottoGreg'sweplayedinhis
roomforawhilebutat9:00Mrs.Heffley
saiditwastimetogotobed.Andshesaid
wehadtosleepintheBASEMENT.Well
nowIwasSUPERnervousbecauseIthink
basementsarereallycreepy.
20
AssoonasMrs.Heffleyturnedthe
lightsoff,Gregsaidheneededtotellme
somethingimportant.Hetoldmethere'sa
halfman,halfgoatthatlivesinthewoods
inourneighborhoodsoIprobablyshouldn't
gooutsidealoneatnight.
WellIwasNOThappytohearthatnews
andIreallywishedsomeonetoldmy
parentsaboutthisgoatguybeforewe
movedintotheneighborhood.
AnywaythegoatthinggotmeTOTALLY
spookedsoIhidunderthecovers.But
IthinkGreggotprettyspookedtoo
becausehecrawledunderthemWITHme.
21
Thenallofasuddentherewasthiscrazy
noiserightoutsidethewindowandit
soundedexactlyhowahalfman,halfgoat
wouldsound.
MeandGregdidn'twannageteatenby
thisgoatguysowegotoutofthereas
fastaswecould.
22
Butwealmostdiedanywaybecausewe
trampledeachotherrunningupthestairs.
Welockedourselvesinthelaundryroom
sothegoatmancouldn'tgetus.But
that'swhenwefoundoutitwasn'tthe
goatguyatALL,itwasjustGreg's
brotherRodrickplayingatrickonus.
23
OKthisnextpartisembarrassingbut
sinceit'sabiographyI'vegottatellthe
wholetruth.Iwetmypantswhenwe
wereinthebasementandheardthose
noisesoutside.
Mrs.Heffleygavemeanextrapairof
Greg'sunderwearbuttheyweretoo
small.Somydadhadtocomegetmeand
bringmehomeinthemiddleofthenight.
ItwasalongtimebeforeIwasallowed
togotoGreg'sforanothersleepover,
butthat'saMUCHlongerstoryandI'm
notevensurethere'sroomforthatone
inthisbook.
24
THETIMEISAVEDGREGFROM
TEVINLARKIN'SBIRTHDAYPARTY
ThereisakidnamedTevinLarkinwho
livesoveronSpeenStreetandlast
summerhismominvitedmeandGregto
Tevin'sbirthdayparty.Wedidn'twanna
gobecauseTevinishyperbutbothofour
momssaidweHADto.
ItturnedoutthatmeandGregwerethe
ONLYkidsinvitedtoTevin'spartybut
wedidn'tknowthatuntilwegotthere.
AfterwegaveTevinhispresentshismom
saiditwastimeforpartyactivities.
25
Thefirstactivitywastowatchthismovie
aboutaguywhocouldturnintoabearand
aneagleandabunchofotheranimals.
WhenthemoviewasoverTevinwanted
towatchitAGAIN.ButmeandGregtold
Tevin'smomwedidn'twannawatchthe
movieasecondtimesoshesaidwecould
moveontotheotheractivitieslikepin
thetailonthedonkey.
WellthatjustmadeTevinMAD.
26
Hegotallwoundupandstartedacting
liketheguyinthemoviewhocouldturn
intoanimals.
IguessTevin'smomwasusedtothissort
ofthingbutmeandGregdidn'tknow
whatweweresupposedtodo.Weasked
Mrs.Larkinifshecouldtakeushomebut
shesaidtherewerestilltwohourstogo
intheparty.
Sowewentoutthebackdoorand
waitedintheyardforTevintocalm
down.
27
ButeventuallyTevinfoundusandnowhe
wasactingTOTALLYnuts.
Itookafewstepsbacktogetoutof
Tevin'swaybutthat'swhenIfellintoa
giantditch.Luckilytheditchwasn'tTOO
deeporIprobablywould'vebrokesome
bones.ButwhenIgottomyfeetIheard
thisbuzzingnoiseallaroundme.
ItturnedouttherewasaHORNET'S
NESTatthebottomoftheditchand
theywereallstirredup.
28
Igotstungtwelvetimesandtwoofthe
stingswereinsidemyMOUTH.
Mrs.Larkindrovemehomeearlyand
Greghitchedaridetoo.
AnywayGregisalwayssayinghe"owes
me"forgettinghimoutofthatparty
andIputitinthisbookincaseIeverneed
toremindhim.
29
GREG'SACCOMPLISHMENTS
EverybiographyI'veeverreadforschool
hasachaptercalled"Accomplishments"so
IfigureIbetteraddthatinherebeforeI
forget.
TheproblemisthatGregisonlyakid
andmostofhisaccomplishmentshaven't
happenedyet.SoI'llleavesomeblank
spacehereandIcanfillitinlateron.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
30
THETIMEMEANDGREGDISTURBED
ANANCIENTBURIALGROUND
Ifyouwerespookedoutbythatgoat
manstoryfrombeforethenyoumight
wanttoskipthisone.OKifyouarestill
reading,rememberIwarnedyou.
OnetimemeandGregwereplayingvikings
andninjasinthewoodsandthensome
teenagerscamebyandruinedourfun.
BUTTHAT'SNOTEVENTHESCARY
PARTYETsokeepreading.
31
MeandGregwentfartherbackinthe
woodstogetawayfromthoseteens.
Gregsaidweshouldbuildafortso
iftheycamelookingforuswecould
protectourselves.
Sowespenttherestoftheafternoon
makingafortoutofsticksandlogs.
Gregsaidweshouldputsomerocksinour
fortincasethingsgotREALLYbad,but
itwasstartingtogetdarkandthere
weren'talotofrockslyingaroundinthe
woodsanyway.
32
ButthenItrippedoversomethingand
guesswhat?ItwasabigROCK.
ItoldGregIthoughtIsprainedmyankle
buthewasalotmoreworriedaboutthat
rockthanmyinjury.
Gregsaiditwasn'tarock,itwasa
GRAVESTONEandwejustdisturbedan
ANCIENTBURIALGROUND.
33
Iguessyoualreadyknewthatwascoming
becauseitwasinthetitleofthischapter.
I'llprobablychangeitlateronsoIdon't
givethesurpriseaway.
AnywaymeandGregwereTOTALLY
spookedoutbythisancientburialground
thingandbynowitwasREALLYdark
outsowewereextrascared.ButGreg
must'vetotallyforgotaboutmyankle
becausehetookoffandIcouldn'tkeepup.
IkeptwaitingforGregtocomebackbut
heneverdid.
34
LuckilymyparentscalledGreg'shouse
toaskwhereIwasandthathelpedhim
rememberIwasstilloutthere.
Andjusttoshowyouwhatagreatpal
Gregis,heletmyparentsborrowhis
flashlightandpointedthemintheright
direction.
35
ANEVENMORESCARYSTORY
OKwhileI'monthetopicofscarystuff
Iwanttoshareastoryaboutsomething
thathappenedacoupleyearsago.
OnetimeIwasatmygrandpa'slog
cabinwithmydadfortheweekendand
wetookahikeandIgotkindofdirty.
Welltechnicallyit'smyDAD'Scabinnow
becausemygrandpadiedtheyearbefore.
Icalledmygrandpa"Bampy,"andthe
reasonIcalledhimthatisbecausewhenI
wastwoIcouldn'tsay"Grampa."
36
ButwhenIgotolderandICOULDsay
"Grampa,"nobodywouldletmechangeit.
Andwhenmygrandpagotolderit'sthe
onlywordhereallysaid.
Soanywaybacktothestory.AfterIgot
dirtyfromthathikemydadsaidIhadto
takeashower.
ButBampy'scabinisreallyoldandit
doesn'tHAVEashower,itjusthasone
ofthosecreepyold-fashionedtubs.
37
AfterIfilledupthetubwithwaterand
gotin,here'swhathappenedNEXT.
Iheardfootstepscomingdownthehall
andIthoughtitwasmydadbringingmea
towelorsomething.
38
Thenthedooropenedrealslow,but
guesswhat?NOONEWASEVENTHERE.
Ijumpedoutofthetubandranaround
thehouselookingeverywhereformydad.
Andifyou'rethinking"OhRowleythe
doorthingwasyourdadplayingatrick
onyou,"wellguesswhat?ItWASN'T.
Mydadwasgettingsomemilkatthe
storeandhedidn'tcomebackuntillikea
halfhourlater.
39
Itoldmydadwhathappenedwiththedoor
andhesaiditwasprobablyjustthe"wind."
ButIknowwhatitwas:theGHOSTOF
BAMPY.
40
THETIMEGREGPLAYEDA
HILARIOUSPRANKONME
OKIknowthelastchapterdidn'thavea
lotofGreginitbutIwantedtomention
thatstoryrealquickbecausetheBampy
thingtotallyFREAKEDMEOUT.
Ifyoulikescarystuffthenyou'reinluck
becausethisoneisprettyscarytoo.
OnedaymeandGregwerehangingout
atmyhouseandGregtoldmehesawon
thenewsthattherewasaburglargoing
aroundbreakingintopeople'shomes.
41
Thenhesaidhehadtogohomefordinner,
andoncehele ftIstartedgettingscared
becausemyparentsweren'taround.
Buthere'sthething:Ifoundoutlater
thatGregjustPRETENDEDtoleave.
Heshutthefrontdoorbutthenstayed
insidemyhouse.
Hetookoffhisshoesandwalkedupthe
stairssuperquietsoIcouldn'thearhim.
Thenhestartedstompingaroundreal
loudupstairs.AtfirstIthoughtitwasthe
ghostofBampyalloveragain.
42
ThenIrealizeditwasprobablythat
BURGLARGregtoldmeaboutandI
almostpeedmypantsforthesecond
timeinthisbiography.
Iheardfootstepscomingdownthe
stairsandIranintothegaragetohide
fromtheburglar.
43
ItwasPITCHBLACKinthegaragebut
Ididn'twanttomakeamoveuntilIwas
surethatguywasgone.
Thenallofasuddenthedoortothe
garageopenedrealslowandIknewthe
burglarwasgonnagetmeifIdidn'tdo
something.SoIwhackedhimintheface
withmydad'stennisracketandmadea
runforit.
ThenIranoutthefrontdoorandwent
toMrs.Monroe'shousenextdoortotell
hertocalltheCOPS.
44
ButthenGregcameoutofmyhouseand
that'swhenIfoundoutthewholething
wasjustoneofhishilariouspranks.
Gregwasmadatmefortwowhole
weeksandhesaidIshould'veknownfrom
thewaythefootstepssoundedthatit
wasHIMandnotaburglar.
Iguesshe'sgotaprettygoodpoint
aboutthatsinceheisalwaysplaying
wackypranksonme.SoIfeelkindofbad
aboutwhackinghimwithatennisracket.
butnotreally
45
ANOTHERTIMEGREG
GOTMADATME
OKthatlaststorymademeremember
anothertimeGreggotmadatme.
MeandGregwerewalkinghomefrom
schoolafewmonthsagoandtherewere
slugseverywherebecauseitjustrained
thenightbefore.Andwheneverthere
areslugslyingaround,Gregchasesme
withone.
Iguessit'sprettyfunnyifyouthink
aboutitbutit'sneverthatfunnywhen
it'shappening.
46
LuckilyIamreallyfastwhensomeone
ischasingmewithaslugsoIgotaway
fromGregbyclimbinguponthebigrock
inMr.Yee'sfrontyard.
GregtriedtogetmetoclimbdownbutI
stayedrightwhereIwas.
Gregtriedtoflingtheslugatmebuthe
losthisbalanceandalmostfellinagiant
puddleinfrontoftherock.Hewasstuck
andIfeltbadforhimbecauseheismy
bestfriendafterall.
47
Igotdownfromtherockandtriedtohelp
Greg.Hetoldmetopullhimbackuponhis
feetbutIguessIheardhimwrong.
IgrabbedhimBYhisfeetandthatturned
outtobeaprettydumbmove.
48
Ididn'tknowWHATGregwasgonnado
oncehegotoutofthatpuddlebutIdidn't
wannastickaroundtofindout.SoIran
tomyhouseandlockedmyselfinmyroom
anddidn'tcomeoutuntilGreggotcalled
homefordinner.
ThenextdayGregsaidhewasgonna
getmebackwhenI"leastexpectit."I
justhopeGregforgetsbecausewhen
itcomestopaybackshe'sgotagood
imagination.
49
THETIMEWHENGREGCREATED
ASPECIALAWARDJUSTFORME
OKthelasttwochapterswereabout
timesGreggotmadatmebutthis
chapteristhetotalOPPOSITE.
Thisone'saboutthetimewhenIdid
somethingGregthoughtwasreally
awesomesothenhedidsomethingreally
awesomeforME.
AnywaythisoneSaturdaylastfallmeand
Gregweresupposedtohangoutatmy
housebuthesaidhecouldn'tbecausehe
hadtocleanhisgarage.ThenhesaidifI
cameandhelpedhimwe'dbedoneTWICE
asquick.ButIsaidnothanksI'llwait.
50
ThenGregsaidifIhelpedhimhe'dgiveme
HALFofhisHalloweencandy.
Wellthatwasareallybigdealtome
becausemyparentswentthroughallmy
candyonHalloweennightandtheybarely
letmekeepANYTHING.
ButIknewGregstillhadaTONofcandy
becausehisparentsdon'tmakehimthrow
outANYTHING.SoItoldhimOKI'llbe
rightover.
CleaningGreg'sgaragewashardworkand
ittooklikethreehours.
51
AfterweweredoneGregsaidOKnow
let'sgohangoutatyourplace.
IsaidheywhataboutthatCANDYand
GregsaidohyeahIforgot.ButIknew
thatwasgonnahappenbecausewhenever
Gregowesmestuffheforgets.
WewentuptoGreg'sroomandhegothis
bagofcandyoutofthecloset.
52
Butwhenheemptiedoutthebagitwas
almostallWRAPPERS.
TheonlythingsLEFTwerethree
jawbreakersandalittleboxofraisins.
ItoldGreghepromisedmeaTONof
candyandhesaidheonlypromisedHALF.
Thenhesaidadeal'sadealandhegaveme
ajawbreakerandtheboxofraisins.
53
ItoldGregIwasgonnatellhisMOM.And
thenGreggotrealworriedbecausehe
saidhismomwouldbemadathimifshe
foundoutheateallhisHalloweencandy
already.
Gregsaidhewasgonnagivemesomething
WAYbetterthancandy,andhegotout
apieceofpaperandapencilandstarted
drawingathisdesk.
54
WhenGregwasdonehehandedmethe
pieceofpaperandhere'swhatwasonit.
GregsaidGoodBoyawardsareSUPER
rareandyouhavetodosomethingreally
AWESOMEtogetone.
HesaidIwasEXTRAluckybecausethis
wasthefirsteverGoodBoyawardhe'd
evergivenoutanditwasgonnabeworth
alotofmoney.
55
WellIknewGregwasjusttryingtoget
outofgivingmethecandyheowedmeso
ItriedtoactlikeIthoughtthisGoodBoy
awardthingwasdumb.ButsomehowGreg
couldtellIthoughtitwaskindofCOOL.
WellthatwasonlytheFIRSTGoodBoy
awardbutIgotalotMORE.Forthenext
fewweeksGregmademeoneeverytime
Ididsomethingawesomeforhim.
56
AfterawhileIhadaTONofGoodBoy
awards.AndIkepttheminabinderin
clearplasticsheetssotheywouldn'tget
messedup.
ButthenIstartedtofeellikemaybe
myGoodBoyawardsweren'tthatrare
anymoresinceIhadsoMANYofthem.
PlusGregwasmakingthenewonesalot
quickerthanhemadethatfirstoneand
theydidn'tseemallthatspecial.
57
SoonetimewhenGregcalledandasked
metocomedownandhelphimrakehis
yardItoldhimIcouldn'tbecauseIhad
homework.
AndGregsaidthat'stoobadbecausehe
cameupwithatotallynewkindofGood
BoyawardandhewassadIwasn'tgonna
gettoseeit.
IwaslikewellatleastTELLmeaboutit,
andGregsaidheCOULDN'Tbecauseit
wastopsecretandhedidn'twannaruin
thesurprise.
ThenhesaidhewasgonnacallScotty
DouglasandseeifHEwantedtohelprake
theyardandIsaidOKI'llberightover.
58
WellIwishIknewwehadtorakethe
frontyardANDthebackbecauseitwasa
lotofwork.PlusIhadtodoitMYSELF
becauseGregwasbusymakingthatnew
award.
WhenIwasfinallydoneGreggavememy
awardandI'vegottasayitwasevenmore
awesomethanITHOUGHTitwouldbe.
59
ThisnewonewascalledaSUPERGood
Boyaward.GregsaidoneSuperGoodBoy
awardwasworthFIFTYregularGood
BoyawardsandIcouldtotallyseeWHY.
InthenextfewweeksIearnedaBUNCH
ofSuperGoodBoyawardsbutaftera
whileevenTHOSEdidn'tseemallthat
special.
BesidesIwasspendingalotoftimedoing
stuffforGregandIwasn'tgettingmy
OWNchoresdone.
60
ButeverytimeItoldGregIdidn'tneed
anymoreGoodBoyawardshe'dcomeup
withsomethingNEWandthenI'dhaveto
haveTHAT.
AfterawhileIhadsomanyawardsthat
mybinderwasSTUFFEDandIcouldn'tfit
newonesin.SoItoldGregIwasn'tgonna
trytoearnanymorenomatterWHAT.
61
ButGregsaidthat'sOKbecausehemade
upawholeNEWsystemandIshould
probablyjustrecyclemyoldawards.
IwasprettymadbecauseIworkedHARD
forthoseawardsandnowGregsaidthey
weretotallyWORTHLESS.
ButIwasstillcuriousaboutthisnew
systemsoIaskedhimaboutit.Gregsaid
thenewideawascalled"Li'lGoodies"and
itwasaPOINTsystemandtherewasn't
anypaperinvolved.
GregsaidthateverytimeIdidsomething
NICEforhimI'dgetaLi'lGoodiepoint.
AndonceIgotfiftyLi'lGoodiesI'dgeta
FantasticPrize.
62
IwaslikeOKwhat'stheprize?AndGreg
saidhecouldn'ttellmebutitwasundera
sheetinhisbedroom.
WellIcouldn'tfigureoutwhatwasunder
thatsheetbutIcouldGUESS.AndaLOT
ofmyguesseswerethingsIreallywanted.
63
SoIspentaboutamonthdoinglotsof
thingsforGregandhegavemeaLi'l
Goodiepointeachtime,likehepromised.
EventuallyIgottofiftyLi'lGoodies.And
ItoldGregIwasreadytoturnthemin
forthatFantasticPrize.
ButGregtoldmethatsinceitwasthe
firstdayofthemonthmyLi'lGoodie
totalgotresetbacktoZERO.AndIsaid
wellyounevertoldmeaboutthatruleand
hesaidwellyouneverASKED.
IwasreallyMADandIyankedthesheet
offtheFantasticPrizesoIcouldsee
whatitwas.
64
Butguesswhat?ItwasaLAUNDRY
BASKETfilledwithdirtyclothes.
ItoldGreghewasacrummyfriendfor
makingmedoallthatworkforaphony
prize.Buthesaidthelaundrythingwas
justaTESTtoseeifI'dpeekandthat
Ifailedthetest.
ThenhesaidtheREALprizewaslockedin
thebasementandthatnowIwasgonna
havetoearnaHUNDREDLi'lGoodiesto
getit.
AllIcansayisI'mnotaFOOL.I'm
gonnatakemyTIMEearningthoseLi'l
Goodies,soifGregthinksI'minarushto
getthatFantasticPrizehe'sgonnabe
disappointed.
65
THETIMEIFOUNDOUTGREGIS
ALOUSYSTUDYPARTNER
OKIknowthisisGreg'sofficialbiography
andIdon'twanttoputanynegative
stuffabouthiminhere.ButGregifyou
arereadingthisIjustneedtosayyou
areaTERRIBLEstudypartner.Ihope
thatdoesn'thurtyourfeelingsbut
somebodyhastotellyouthetruth.
MostofthetimeIdon'treallyneedto
studyfortestsbecauseIpayattention
inclassandIdomyhomework.PlusMom
alwayssaysit'simportanttogetagood
night'ssleepsoonschoolnightsIgoto
bedextraearly.
66
Butthisonetimewehadareallyhard
chapterinmathandIhadtroublepaying
attentioninclassthatweek.That's
mostlybecauseGregmovedtotheseat
rightbehindme.
ThenightbeforethetestIknewIwas
gonnahavetogooverthechapterand
dosomepracticeproblemsathome.But
whenItoldGregmyplanhesaidweshould
studyTOGETHER.
Iwasn'tsurethatwassuchagoodidea
becausewhenitcomestoschoolstuff
sometimesit'shardforGregtofocus.
67
ButGregsaidwe'rebestfriendsandbest
friendsshouldstudytogethersoIguess
thatmadesensetome.
WelltheFIRSTthingwehadtodo
wasfindaplacetostudy.Gregsaid
wecouldn'tbeatHIShousebecausehis
brotherRodrickwashavingbandpractice.
AndGregwasbannedfromMYhouse
becauseheplayedapracticaljokewhere
heputplasticwrapoverourtoiletbowl
andhegotmydadprettygood.
68
GregsaidweshouldgototheLIBRARY
becauseitwasquietthereandnobody
wouldbugus.SoMrs.Heffleygaveusa
ridetothelibraryafterdinnerandwe
foundatablewherewecoulddoourwork.
WegotoutourbooksandIsaidmaybewe
shoulddopracticeproblemstoseewhat
weneededtoworkon.ButGregsaidhe
hadn'tevenREADthechapteryetsowe
neededtostartfromtheBEGINNING.
Wellthatwaskindofawasteoftime
formesoItoldGreghecouldreadthe
chapteronhisOWNtocatchup.But
GregsaidIwasbeingabadstudypartner
andthatweweresupposedtodo
everythingTOGETHER.
69
IsaidOKfinelet'sstartfromthe
beginningofthechapterandgothrough
thewholething.ButGregsaidbeforewe
gotstartedweneededtoplanourstudy
breakssowedidn'tgettoostressedout.
ThenhesaidweshouldSTARTwitha
breaksowe'dgetoffontherightfoot.
Andthat'swhatwedideventhoughit
seemedlikeabadideatome.
AfterliketenminutesIsaidweneedto
gettoworkbecauseit'salongchapter
andwehavealottogothrough.
70
Welldon'taskmewhybutGregpinched
hisnosewithhisfingersandsaidthe
sameexactthingIsaidbutwithareally
annoyingvoice.
ItoldGregtostopcopyingmebutthat
justmadehimcopymeevenMORE.
71
FinallyIgotsmartandstartedreading
thechapteroutloud.
AfterawhileGregfiguredoutwhatIwas
doingandhestoppedcopyingme.
Itoldhimmaybeitwouldbebetterifwe
bothjustreadthechapterquietly,but
Gregsaidthatwasn'this"learningstyle"
andheneededtomakethingsFUNso
theywouldstick.
Isaidwhatdoyoumean?AndGregsaidhe
knewawaytomakelearningmathintoa
GAME.
72
Firstheballedupapieceofnotebook
paper.Hesaidweshouldtaketurns
readingafewwordsfromthechapter
andtossthepaperballbackandforth
eachtime.Sowetrieditanditworked
foralittlewhile,Iguess.
ButwheneversomeoneDROPPEDthe
paperballGregsaidwehadtostartthe
wholepageOVER.
73
AndsometimesIthinkGregwastryingto
makemedroptheballonPURPOSE.
ItoldGregwewerewastingtoomuch
timeandweneededtodothisanother
way.AndGregsaidhedidn'tcareHOWwe
studiedaslongasitwasFUN.
SoItoldGregatrickmydadtaught
ME.HesaidthatwheneverIhadtrouble
rememberingsomethingIshouldmakeupa
SONGtomakeiteasier.
74
ThenIsangthesongImadeuptohelpme
rememberhowtogettheareaofacircle.
75
Gregsaidthatwasthedumbestthinghe
everheardandIsaidwellifit'ssodumb
thenwhydoIhavea95inmathandyou
onlyhavea72?
IguessGregdidn'thaveagoodanswerto
thatandhesaiditwastimeforanother
break.Soweplayedvideogamesonthe
librarycomputeruntilsomegrown-upreportedustothelibrarianformaking
toomuchnoise.
76
WhenwegotbacktothetableGregsaid
weweren'tstudyingtherightwayand
thathehadanideaofhowwecoulddo
itBETTER.Hesaidhe'dreadtheFIRST
halfofthechapterandI'dreadthe
LASThalfandthenwecouldteamup
duringthetest.
Isaidwellyou'renotallowedtoTALK
duringthetestsoIdidn'tseehowthat
wasgonnawork.ThenGregtoldme
aboutthesemonkswhocantransmit
theirthoughtsthroughtheairifthey
concentraterealhard.
77
SowetrieddoingitbutIguessIcouldn't
concentrategoodenoughtomakeitwork.
Gregsaidweneededtofigureouta
DIFFERENTwaytocommunicateduring
thetest.
Isaidifwejuststudiedthechapter
wewouldn'tNEEDtocommunicate,but
onceGreggetssomethinginhisheadhe
doesn'tletitgo.
Hemadeupthiswholesystemofsneezes
andcoughsandstuffsowecouldtalkto
eachotherduringthetestwithoutour
teacherMs.Becknoticing.Buttherewas
alottoremembersoIwroteitalldown.
78
Isaidwellwhatifoneofusneedstoask
theotherguyaQUESTIONandGreg
saidyoujustputaquestionmarkatthe
end.AndIsaidwellwedon'thaveasignal
foraquestionmarkandGregsaiditcould
beafart.
79
ItoldGregIdidn'tthinkIcouldfartifI
didn'treallyNEEDtoandGregtoldmeto
tryanywayandIdidbutnothingcameout.
SoGregtoldmesomedifferentfoodsI
couldeatforbreakfastthatwouldmake
iteasiertodoaquestionmark.
80
Butthatideamademenervousbecause
thelasttimeIwenttoGreg'swedrank
abunchofsodaandtriedtoburpthe
alphabet,andIgotsickontheletter"B"
andhadtogohomeearly.
GregsaidOKifIcouldn'tfartforREAL
thenitwouldbeOKtomakeafakefart
noiseundermyarm.
81
That'swhenItoldGregIthoughtthis
wasabadideaanditwasCHEATINGto
sendeachothersignalsduringthetest.
GregsaidIwasbeingagoody-two-shoesandthattheonlyreasonIwantedto
getagoodgradeinmathwasbecause
Iwasateacher'spetandIwasinlove
withMs.Beck.
IsaidIwasNOTinlovewithMs.Beckbut
thatIjustlikeherpersonalityandthe
wayshesmells.
SoGregsaidthatPROVESI'minlove
withMs.Beckandthenhesangthatsong
abouttwopeoplesittinginatree.
82
IknewGregwastryingtomakememad
butforsomereasonthesongdidn'treally
bothermethatmuch.
IguessGreggotmadthathewasn't
makingMEmadsohestartedsinging
evenMORE.
83
Itriedtotunehimoutbuthejustgot
louderandlouder.
ThenIwentintothebathroomandtried
tostudyinTHEREbutGregfollowedme.
84
ButIguesssomebodyelsecomplained
becausethelibrariancameinandtoldus
webothhadtogetoutofthere.
Thenshesaidifwemadeanymorenoise
shewasgonnahavetocallourparentsand
havethemcomegetus.Wellthatsounded
greattoMEbutIdon'tthinkGregwas
readytogohomesohepromisedwe'd
quietdown.
Ireallydidn'twannasitatthesametable
asGreganymoresoImovedtooneof
thosedeskswithdividersbetweenthem.
ButGregsatrightacrossfromme.
85
Iwasstartingtogetsomeworkdonebut
thenGregslidanoteunderthedivider.
HehadamathquestionsoIansweredhim
andpassedthenoteback.
AndthenGregaskedmeANOTHER
question.ButIdidn'treallymindbecause
thiswasaMILLIONtimesbetterthan
thewayweweredoingthingsbefore.
86
ButthenGregslidthenotebackandit
hadanotherquestiononitthatdidn't
haveanythingtodowithmathatALL.
WellIcheckedtheNOboxbecauseI
DIDN'Twetthebed.Islidthenoteto
Gregbutthenhewrotesomethingonit
andsliditBACK.
87
Thatmademekindofmadbecausethat's
notwhatIMEANT.ButIdidn'twanna
spendalotoftimeexplainingmyself
becauseIreallyneededtogetbackto
studying.
SoGregwroteANOTHERnoteandslidit
underthedivider.
Ididn'twannatakeadarefromGreg
soIpickedTRUTH.ButIdidn'tlikethe
questionGregcameupwith.
88
ThenGregdaredmetogethimasoda
fromthevendingmachine.Ididn'tknow
thatwasthewaytruthordareWORKED
butIwasjustgladGregdidn'tmakeme
answerthatquestion.
AfterIgotGreghissodaIdidalittlemore
studyingbutthenhestartedupwiththe
notesagain.
89
WellIdidn'tlikeTHATsoIsentbacka
drawingofmyOWN.
AndthenGregdrewanotherpictureof
MEandIdrewanotheroneofHIM.
Afterawhilewefilleduptwowhole
PAGESwithdrawings.
92
GregtriedtostartaNEWpageof
drawingsbutIjustignoredhim.AndI
guesshedidn'tlikethatbecausehekept
tryingtogetmyattention.
Idecidedtomovetoanewspotthat
wasn'tsoclosetoGreg.IwasgladIcould
finallygetsomepeaceandquietbut
THATdidn'tlastlong.
93
Ifyou'rewonderingwhatthat"bang"was
allabout,wellhere'swhathappened.When
Igotupandmovedtoanotherdesksome
grown-uptookmyspot.AndIguessGregthoughtitwasstillMEandhetiedthe
guy'sshoestogether.
Thenwhentheguystooduphefell
backward.
94
AfterthathappenedGreggotoutof
thereasfastashecould.IfiguredI'd
bettergetoutofthereTOObecauseI
didn'twantthatguytothinkIwasthe
onewhotiedhisshoestogether.
IfollowedGregintothechildren'ssection
wheretherewasanemptytable.Heput
hisstuffatoneendandIsatdownat
theothersoIdidn'thavetobetooclose
tohim.
Gregsaidweshouldtakeanotherstudy
breakbutIsaidIwasgonnakeepworking.
ThenGregballedupapieceofpaperand
triedtothrowitinthetrashcanacross
theroom.
95
Hemissedbuthekeptshootingballed-uppiecesofpaperwhichmadeithardforme
toconcentrate.
ThenGregfinallymadeabasketandhe
saidhebetIcouldn'tmakethesameshot
ashim.ButwhenItoldhimIreallyneeded
tostudyhesaidIwastooscaredtotry
andthenhestartedactinglikeaCHICKEN.
96
Itriedtoignorehimbutitwasn'tsoeasy,
ESPECIALLYwhenhegotuponthetable.
ThenallofasuddenGregsatdownonthe
tableandstartedmakinggruntingnoises.
AtfirstIthoughthemightbehavinga
bathroomemergency.Butwhenhegotup
therewasanEGG.
97
WellIdidn'twantGregtolayanotheregg
soIballedupapieceofpaperandtossed
itatthetrashcan.AndIwasn'tlooking
toseeifitwentinbutIguessitDID.
GregsaidmyshotwastotalLUCKand
therewasnoWAYIcouldmakeitagain
evenifItriedathousandtimes.ButI
decidedIwasn'tGONNAtryagain.
98
GregsaidICOULDN'TretirebutIsaid
yeahICOULD.Anditwashisownfault
forgivingmetheideaanyway.
OnetimeIhadmybirthdaypartyatthe
bowlingalleyandGreghitastrikewithhis
firstball.Thenheretiredanditruinedthe
gameforeveryoneelse.
WhenGregcouldn'tgetmetoUN -retirehetriedmakingabackwardshotHIMSELF.
Buthewentthroughlikeamillionpieces
ofnotebookpaperandhecouldn'teven
comeCLOSE.Iwasjustgladhewas
leavingmealonebecauseIwasgettinga
lotofworkdone.
99
IfinishedthepracticetestandthenIwas
gonnagoovermynotesfromclass.But
that'swhenIfoundoutGregwasgetting
allhispaperfromMYNOTEBOOK.
Wellthatmademereallymadbecause
Ms.Becksaidwewereallowedtolookat
ournotesduringtheTEST.
100
SoIgotdownonthefloorandstarted
pickingupalltheballed -uppiecesofpaper.IfiguredmaybeIcouldsmooththepages
outwhenIgothomeandthentapethem
backintomynotebook.
ButGregjustkeptSHOOTINGandhe
finallygotoneinbybouncingitoffmy
HEAD.
WellthatmademereallymadandIstarted
chasingGregwiththategghelaid.
ButIguessweweremakingtoomuch
noiseandthatgotusintroublewiththe
librarianagain.
101
Shemademecallmyparentstocomeget
usandthatwasfinewithME.
Ihadtostayuptwomorehours
uncrinklingmynotesandtapingthem
intomynotebookandwasupANOTHER
halfhourresearchingstuffonmydad's
computer.
102
THETIMEIMADETHEBIGGEST
MISTAKEOFMYLIFE
OKthisisjustparttwoofthatlast
chapterbutIgotsomadwritingitIkind
ofhadtotakeabreak.ButI'vegottatake
somedeepbreathsbecausethischapteris
gonnabeevenHARDERtowrite.
ThenextdayduringthemathtestItried
tousemynotestohelpbuttheywereall
outoforder.
Plusitwashardtoconcentratebecause
Gregkepttryingtoaskmequestions.
103
SomeoftheOTHERkidsweregetting
stressedoutaboutthetesttoobecause
TimothyLautnergotdizzyandMs.Beck
hadtotakehimtothenurse'soffice.
WellassoonasMs.Becklefttheroom
Gregscootedhischairrealclosetomine
andlookedovermyshoulder.
IwhisperedtoGregtogoawaybecause
hewastryingtoCHEAT.ButGregsaid
it'snotcheatingsincewewerestudy
partnersandwebothhadtheexactsame
informationinourbrains.
IguesshehadapointbutIstilldidn'tfeel
GOODaboutit.
104
ThenGregsaidhealreadyFINISHEDhis
testandwasonlytryingtomakesure
Igottherightanswers.Andthatmade
mefeelkindofnervousbecauseIwasn't
positiveaboutafewofthem.
SoIletGregcheckovermytest,and
believemeifIcoulddoeverythingover
againIwouldn'thaveLEThim.
AfteraminuteIstartedthinkingmaybe
Gregwasn'tjustlookingovermytest
tocheckmyanswersbutthathewas
COPYINGme.
105
AnditwastoolatetoSTOPhimsoI
triedtopretenditwasn'thappening.
Gregpushedhischairbacktoitsnormal
spotrightbeforeMs.Beckcameback.
Andwhenthebellrangfortheendof
classshewentaroundandcollectedallof
ourpapers.
106
ThenextdayMs.Beckgaveusour
testsbackandIgotan89.Iwaskindof
disappointedinmyselfbecauseIusually
doalotbetter.ButGreggotan89too
whichwasareallygoodgradeforHIM.
Butifyouthinkthischapterhasahappy
ending,wellguesswhat?ItDOESN'T.
Whenclassendedeveryonegotupto
leavebutMs.BecktoldmeandGregto
stayinourseats.
AftereveryoneleftMs.Becktoldusshe
wantedtotalktousaboutourtests.She
saidshenoticedwegotthesamegrade
andwegotthesameanswersright.
107
ButGregsaidthatmadeSENSEbecause
wewerestudypartnersandweknewall
thesamestuff.
IfeltprettygladGregwasmyfriend
becausehe'srealgoodatexplainingstuff
likethattogrown-ups.
IthoughtMs.Beckwasgonnaletus
leavebutsheDIDN'T.Shesaiditseemed
alittlesuspiciousthatourtestswere
IDENTICALandsheputthemsidebyside
toshowuswhatshemeant.
Wellthat'swhenIfoundoutGregcopied
EVERYTHINGonmytest,evenmy
NAME.
108
109
Ms.BecksaiditwasobviousthatGreg
copiedmypapersohewasgonnahaveto
servethreedaysofdetentionPLUShe
hadtotakethetestover.
IthoughtMs.Beckwasgonnagiveme
detentiontoobutsheDIDN'T.Butwhat
shesaidwasWORSEthandetention.
Ms.Becksaidshewantedustolearna
lessonfromthisandwebothsworeit
wouldneverhappenagain.Ms.Becksaid
wellthat'sgoodbecauseoncepeople
knowyou'reaCHEATERitfollowsyou
whereveryougo.
110
ThenMs.Becksaidwewerefreetogo.
GreggotupandleftbutIgaveMs.Beck
ahugtoshowherIwassorry.ButIthink
maybeIhuggedherfortoolong.
OnthewayhomefromschoolallIkept
thinkingaboutwaswhatMs.Becksaid
aboutbeingacheater.
111
WellIlearnedMYlessonbutI'mnotso
sureaboutGreg.
ThenextdayMs.BeckmadeGregsitin
thebackoftheclassandretakethetest.
ButGregwasaskingmequestionspretty
muchthewholetimeandIhadtopretend
Icouldn'thearhim.
Andifyou'relike"Rowleywhyareyoustill
friendswithGreg?"wellmyansweristhat
Greg'sstillagoodFRIEND,he'sjustabad
studypartner.
Plushe'stheonlypersonIknowwhocan
layanegg.
112
THETIMEGREGTOTALLY
HADMYBACK
OKGregifyou'restillreadingthisthen
sorryifImadeyoulookbadinthelast
twochapters.Butdon'tworrybecause
inthisoneyou'regonnacomeoutlooking
prettygood.
Solastyearourscienceteacherwas
Mrs.Modi,butwhenshehadababythe
schoolgotthisguynamedMr.Hardyto
fillinforher.
IthinkMr.Hardyusedtoteachatthe
schoolalongtimeagoandnowthey
bringhimbackwhenevertheyneeda
long-termsub.
113
IthoughtMr.Hardywasjustgoingtodo
thingsthesamewayasMrs.ModibutI
wasWRONG.AllMr.Hardydideveryday
waswriteourassignmentontheboardand
thenreadathisdeskfortherestofclass.
Afterlikethethirdday,kidsstarted
goofingoffduringclass.AndMr.Hardy
didn'tevenCARE.
114
Onetimeacoupleofkidstriedtokillabug
bydroppingtheirtextbooksonit.Luckily
thebuggotawaybutevenwithallthe
noiseMr.HardyneverlookedUP.
WellmaybeMr.Hardywasn'tbotheredbut
Icouldn'tconcentrateonmyassignments
withallthatcrazinessgoingoneveryday.
115
GregtoldmeIwaswastingmytimedoing
thedailyassignmentsbecauseMr.Hardy
wasnevergonnaevenLOOKatthem.
GregsaidIshouldjustliveitupwith
everyoneELSEuntilMrs.Modireturned
andthingswentbacktonormal.
Wellguesswhat?Mrs.ModiDIDN'Tcome
back.Shedecidedshewantedtobeafull-timemomandthatmeantMr.Hardywas
ourteacherfortherestoftheYEAR.
NowthatMr.Hardywasourofficial
scienceteacherIthoughtthingswould
getbetter.ButtheygotWORSE.
116
ThenonthelastdayofschoolMr.Hardy
announcedhewasgonnagiveeveryone
theirGRADES.Wellthatfreakedoutmost
ofthekidsinmyclassbecausejustabout
everyoneintheredeservedan"F."
Mr.Hardystartedgoingdownthe
aislesandwhisperingeachkid'sgradein
theirear.ButMr.Hardydoesn'thavea
whisperingvoicesoeverybodyelsecould
hearwhathewassaying.
ThefirstkidtogethisgradewasDennis
Diterlizziandhegota"C."ButMr.Hardy
talksrealslowsoitsoundedmorelikethis:
117
Thenextkidgota"C"tooandsodid
everykidafterthat.EvenGreggota"C"
andhedidn'tturninasingleassignment.
Andhewasrealhappyaboutitbecause
hedidn'twannagotosummerschool.
SothenitwasMYturnandIwaskind
ofcrossingmyfingershopingI'dgeta
GOODgrade.ButIgotthesamegradeas
everyoneELSE.
118
SoIguessGregwasrightthatMr.Hardy
neverlookedatthoseassignments.
Mr.Hardymovedontothenextkidbut
allofasuddenGregstoodupandargued
withMr.Hardy.GregtoldhimIwasthe
onlykidwhodidanyworkandthathe'sa
terribleteacherandthatsomeoneshould
reporthimtothePRINCIPAL.
IwasprettyshockedbecauseGregnever
stoodupformelikethatbefore.Fora
secondIthoughtMr.Hardywasgonna
sendGREGtotheprincipal.
ButafteraminuteMr.Hardywhispered
theNEWgradeinmyear.
119
OnthewalkhomeItoldGreghewasa
greatpalfordoingthatforme.AndIsaid
nowwewereevenforthattimeIsaved
himfromTevinLarkin'sbirthdayparty.
ButGregsaidwhathedidformewas
WAYbetterthangettinghimoutof
Tevin'sparty.Hesaidbygettingme
that"B"heprobablyjustsavedmefrom
gettingsomecrummyjoblateroninlife.
120
SoIsaidOKhowmuchmoredoIhaveto
dountilwe'reEVEN?Andthenhedrewa
charttoshowme.
IguessthatmeansI'vegotalongwayto
go.Butthat'sOKbecausemeandGreg
aregonnabefriendsforalongtimeand
I'llgetalotofchancestopayhimback.
121
THETIMEIREALIZEDMAYBEGREG
DOESN'TALWAYSTELLTHETRUTH
SoafterthattimemeandGregwere
studypartnersIaskedhimhowtheheck
helaidthateggandhetoldmehecanlay
anykindofeggheWANTS.
AndIsaidOKthenlayanOSTRICHegg,
andhesaidforthathe'dneedtoeat
alotofpotatochipsandthenhetook
someofmine.
ButafewdayslaterwhenIstoppedby
Greg'shousetopickhimupforschool
hismomgavehimaneggforhislunch.
AndthenIrememberedGregALWAYS
hasahard-boiledeggforlunchandsohemust'vehadoneinhiscoatpocketthe
nightwestudiedtogether.
122
Wellthatmademestarttowonderif
someOTHERstuffIknowaboutGreg
isn'ttrue.We'vebeenfriendsalongtime
andhe'stoldmeaBUNCHofthingsthat
seemedalittleshakysonowI'mkindof
thinkingnoteverythinghe'stoldmeisa
hundredpercentaccurate.
HereareafewthingsI'mstartingto
wonderabout.
1.Gregsaysheisdatingasupermodelbut
theyhavetokeepitasecretsinceher
careerwouldgetruinedifpeoplefound
outshewasdatingamiddleschoolkid.
123
GregsaidwhenevershegoesonTVshe
sendshimsecretmessagesbyblinking.
2.Gregsaysthatonetimehethrewa
Frisbeeandthewindtookitsofarthat
itwentallthewayaroundtheworldand
hithiminthebackoftheheadsothat's
whyhewon'tplaysportsanymore.
124
3.Gregsaysthatthe"star"onthedial
padofaphoneisreallyaSNOWFLAKE
andit'sadirectlinetotheNorthPole.So
wheneverIdosomethingGregdoesn'tlike
hetellsmehe'sgonnareportmetoSanta.
4.Gregsaysthatwhenhewasababyhis
mombroughthimtoamodelingagency
andtheytooksomepicturesfordiaper
creamads.
GregsaidtheadsneverranintheUnited
StatesbutthatifhewenttoChinahe'd
gettotallyMOBBED.
5.Gregsaysthathecameupwiththe
"DE-FENSE"chantatbasketballgamesandeverytimeacrowdsaysithegets
onehundreddollarssenttohisbank
account.
126
6.Gregsayshe's500yearsoldbuthe
doesn'tageandhehastomoveeveryfew
yearssonoonewillfigureitout.Hesays
heknewAbrahamLincolninmiddleschool
andhewaskindofajerk.
7.Gregsaysthere'saformyoucanfillout
attownhalltolegallyadoptanykidyou
want,andthatheadoptedmesonowI
havetodowhateverhetellsme.
127
8.Gregsaysthathecanturnintoany
formofwaterwheneverhewants,but
whenIaskedhimtoturnintoaglassof
waterhesaidtheLASTtimehedidthat
Rodrickdrankhimandittooktwodays
togetbacktohumanform.
9.Gregsaysheonlyusesfivepercentof
hisbrain,andifheWANTEDtohecould
levitateabuildingwithhismind.Isaid
maybeIcouldlevitateabuildingtoobuthe
saidprobablynotbecauseI'malreadyusing
onehundredpercentofmybrain.
128
10.SpeakingofBRAINS,Gregsayshe's
gotESPandhealwaysknowswhatI'm
gonnadobeforeIdoit.
Thatonemightactuallybetruebecause
I'veseenhimdoitabunchoftimes.
AnywayI'mguessingatleastHALFthis
stuffismadeupbutI'mjustwritingit
downhereincaseitISN'T.
AndfortherecordGreg'sbeeneating
aLOTofmypotatochipsoverthe
lastthreeweeksandthere'sstillno
ostrichegg.
129
THETIMEMEANDGREGCAMEUP
WITHOUROWNSUPERHERO
OKthisisprobablygonnabethebest
chapterinthisbookbecauseit'stheonly
onethat'sgotsuperheroesinit.AndI
hopeIdidn'tspoilthesurprisebutevenif
Idid,trustmeit'sstillgonnabeapretty
goodchapter.
Thisonedayitwasrainingsomeand
Gregcouldn'tgooutside.AndGregwasn't
allowedtoplayvideogamesbecausehe
losthistemperplayingTwistedWizard.
130
Mrs.Heffleysaidkidsouragespendtoo
muchtimeinfrontofscreensanyway
anditwasgoodforustotakeabreak.
Thenshegaveussomemarkersanda
sketchbookandtoldusweshoulduseour
imaginationsandmakeupourowncomics
likeweUSEDto.
WelltheLASTtimemeandGregmade
somecomicstogetheritdidn'tturnout
sogoodforme.Andifyoudon'tknow
thewholestorythenI'llgiveyouthe
shortversion.
Inourfirstyearofmiddleschoolmeand
Gregworkedonacomictogethercalled
"Zoo-WeeMama."
131
ButthenGreggotboredofitandsaidI
shoulddoitbyMYSELF.
Andthenmycomicgotintheschoolpaper
andGregwasmadatmeeventhoughhe's
theonewhoTOLDmeIshoulddoit.
Thenwegotinabigfightinfrontofthe
wholeschoolandsometeenagerscameout
ofNOWHEREandtheycaughtmeandGreg.
Thentheymademeeatapieceof
______ thatwasontheblacktop.
132
Istillcan'teatpizzaormozzarellasticks
oranythingelsewith______in
itbutGregsaysIneedto"getoverit"
becausethathappenedalongtimeago.
SoanywaywhenIopenedthatsketchbook
Mrs.Heffleygaveus,therewereabunch
ofZoo -WeeMamasintherethatweneverturnedintotheschoolpaper.
GregsaidIshouldputtheminhere
becausetheyweregonnabeworthalot
ofmoneywhenhegetsfamous.
141
ItoldGregmaybeweshouldwritesome
MOREZoo-WeeMamasbuthesaidthatjokeisstaleandweneedtocomeupwith
somethingNEW.
AndthenGreghadanAWESOME
idea.Hesaidweshouldcreateourown
SUPERHERO.WellIlikedthatideaalot
becauseitsoundedFUN.ButGregsaid
thathedidn'tcareabouthavingfun,he
justcaredabouttheMONEY.
Gregsaidthatifyoucomeupwitha
superherothenyoucansellthemovie
rightsandsitbackandwaitforthe
moneytorollin.
142
Thenwestartedtalkingaboutwhatwe'd
dowithallthemoneyweweregonna
makefromoursuperheroidea.IsaidI'd
gotothetoyaisleatthestoreandI'dfill
upashoppingcartwithasmanytoysasI
couldfit.
ButGregsaidIwasn'tthinkingBIG
enough.Hesaidhe'dbuythewholeSTORE
andwearadifferentpairofsneakers
everydayandhe'dliveinthesnacksaisle.
143
ThenIsaidI'dbuyafancysportscarand
I'dgiveMs.Beckaridetoschoolevery
morning.
Gregsaidweweregonnabesorichwe
couldbuythewholeSCHOOLandfireall
theteachersandhaveepicpaintballfights
inthehallways.
144
Isaidmaybeweshouldn'tfireALLofthe
teachersbecauseMs.Beckisreallynice
andshe'sgoodatteachingmath.
Gregsaidwe'dbesorichwewouldn't
NEEDtolearnmathanymorebutwe
couldkeepMs.Beckaroundbecausewe'd
needsomeonetocountourmoneyfor
us.AndIguessthatmademefeelalittle
better.
GregsaidwehadPLENTYoftimeto
figureoutwhatweweregonnadowith
allourmoneylaterONbutrightnow
itwastimetogetseriousaboutthis
superheroidea.
GregsaidtheFIRSTthingweneededto
dowasfigureoutwhatkindofPOWERS
oursuperheroshouldhave.
145
Isaidmaybehecouldflyorhave
superstrengthbutGregsaidbothof
thoseideasweredumbbecausethey've
beendoneamilliontimesbefore.
ThenIsaidmaybeoursuperherocould
havex-rayvisionbutGregsaidthatwasn'tagoodsuperpowerbecauseonce
heaccidentallysawhisgrandpanakedand
hewishesheHADN'T.
Gregsaidweneededtodosomething
ORIGINALsowestartedcomingupwith
ideasthatnooneeverTHOUGHTof
before.Andtheideaswecameupwith
wereOKbutnotgreat.
148
Theonewelikedthebestwasthisguy
calledtheChucksterwhocouldthrowhis
ownHEADlikeafootball.
ButGregsaidtheChucksterwouldn't
workasanactionfigurebecausethehead
wouldbeachokinghazardforlittlekids.
149
Thenwetriedtocomeupwithsome
charactersthatWOULDbeOKifakid
accidentallyswallowedthembutmostof
ourideasweren'tthatgood.
150
Gregsaidmomsareusuallytheoneswho
buytheirkidstoyssoweshouldcome
upwithsomethingTHEY'Dlike.Butwe
weren'thappywiththatideaeither.
Gregsaidmaybethereasonweweren't
comingupwithanythinggoodwasthat
weweren'taverygoodTEAM.Hesaidwe
shouldeachtryworkingonourOWNand
seewhocouldcomeupwithabetteridea.
Webothdidourownthingandthenwe
showedeachotherourwork.
151
Greg'ssuperherowasaguyfromspace
whohadadifferentkindofpowerin
everyfingertipwhichwasactuallya
prettyawesomeidea.
152
ItoldGreghisideawascoolandweshould
gowithTHAT.
ThenGregsaidwellwhat'sYOURidea?
ButIdidn'twannatellhimbecauseI
knewhe'dlaugh.Andthenhepromised
heWOULDN'TlaughsoIshowedhimmy
character.
153
GregaskedwhatAmazingGuy'ssuperpower
wasandIsaiditwasKINDNESS.Andthat
madeGregbreakhispromiseaboutnot
laughing.
GregsaidasuperheroshouldbeEDGYand
itwouldbecoolifAmazingGuyhadknives
comingoutofhisknucklesandworea
blackleatherjacketandsaidswearswhen
hefightsthebadguys.
ButIsaidIwantedAmazingGuytobe
arolemodelforchildren,andthatmade
Gregbreakhispromiseasecondtime.
154
ItoldGregifhedidn'tlikemycharacter
thatwasfinebutIwasn'tgivinghimany
moneyifIsoldtheMOVIErights.Andall
ofasuddenGreggotrealinterestedin
AmazingGuyandsaidifIgetrichIowe
himhalfthemoneybecauseIusedhis
markersandpaper.
Isaidthatwasn'ttrueandGregsaid
he'dcallhislawyertofindout.Then
GregdialedanumberonthephoneandI
listenedinonhishalfoftheconversation.
ThenGreghungupthephone.Itoldhim
tocallhislawyerBACKbecauseIwanted
toaskhimafewquestions.
ButGregsaidIcouldn'tAFFORDhis
lawyerandIhadtogetmyown.
Gregsaidsinceweweregonnasplitthings
50-50thenwewereequalpartnersandweneededtoworkTOGETHER.Isaid
finebutIstilldon'twantAmazingGuy
tosayswearsandGregsaidOKwe'lltalk
aboutthatlater.
GregsaidtheFIRSTthingweneededto
dowasgiveAmazingGuyan"originstory"
toshowhowhegothispowers.Thenhe
toldmehowOTHERsuperheroesgot
theirpowers.
156
IsaidAmazingGuyjusthadgoodparents
whoraisedhimtobeanicepersonand
that'swhyhedecidedwhenhegrewup
he'dfightforpeoplewhoneededhishelp.
ButGregsaidthat'saTERRIBLEorigin
story.HesaidsomethingEXCITING
neededtohappen,likeAmazingGuygets
hitbyameteororgetsbittenbya
radioactivebugorsomethinglikethat.
AndIsaidOKfinethenAmazingGuygets
hitbyadoublerainbowandTHAT'Show
hegetshispowers.
157
Gregsaidthatdidn'tmakeSENSEbut
hedidn'tfeellikegettingintoadumb
argumentaboutrainbowssowe'dcome
backtotheoriginstorylaterontoo.
Gregsaideverygoodsuperherohasa
secretidentitysoweneededtocomeup
withoneforAmazingGuy.
Isaidhecouldbeanurseatanurgent
careclinicandwhenhegetsoffworkat
6:00p.m.hebecomesAmazingGuyand
thenhelpspeopleuntilhisbedtime.
158
Andnooneknowshissecretidentity,not
evenNurseBeckwhoworkswithhimat
theurgentcareplace.
GregsaidIgotthatnamefromMs.Beck
ourmathteacherbutIsaidnopeit'sjust
acoincidence.
Gregsaidwewerewastingtoomuchtime
talkingaboutstupidstuffandweneeded
todesignAmazingGuy'sSUIT.
IsaidIlikedthesuitIcameupwithjust
FINEbutGregsaiditwasstupidbecause
everyonecouldtellwhohewasifthey
sawhimwalkingaroundinregularlife.
159
GregsaidAmazingGuyneededamask,so
hedrewonethatlookedprettyawesome.
Andheaddedacapetoo.
ThenGregsaidifAmazingGuydoesn't
haveanyrealpowersthenmaybehis
SUITcouldhavepowers.ButIsaid
AmazingGuyhasthepowerofKINDNESS
andhisglovesarepaddedsohedoesn't
hurtthebadguystoomuch.
IsaidIwantedtodoallthedrawings
andGregsaidthat'sfinebuthe'ddothe
WRITING.SoIdrewthisawesomescene
whereAmazingGuyhastoleavework
earlytogofightsomebadguysandIleft
spaceforGregtofillinthewords.
164
ItoldGreghetotallymessedupmycomic
andthatfromnowonI'ddothedrawing
ANDthewriting.ThenGregsaidhewas
gonnacallhislawyeragainandIsaidgo
rightAHEAD.Andevenwhenhesaidhe
wasgonnacallSANTAIwouldn'tbudge.
Gregsaidhedidn'twanttowritefor
mystupidcomicanywaybecausemy
superherowasterribleandhesaidhewas
justgonnawriteIntergalacticMancomics
andIsaidfinebecausemycharacterwas
BETTER.
ThenGregsaidifIntergalacticMangot
inafightwithAmazingGuyhe'dwipehim
outinlikefiveseconds.AndIsaidohyeah
let'sseeaboutTHAT.Sothenwedrew
thisbattleandhedrewHISsuperhero
andIdrewMINE.
166
IguessIgotalittlecarriedawaywith
thatlastdrawingbecauseafterIdrew
itGregsaiditwasprobablytimeforme
togohome.
MaybenexttimeIwon'thaveAmazing
GuyusehisFULLpowersonhisenemies.
BecauseIwouldn'twanthisparentsor
NurseBecktobedisappointedinhim.
THETIMEMEANDGREGHADA
TWO-NIGHTSLEEPOVER
OKyoualreadyknowthisfromthetitle
ofthechapter,butthisonetimemeand
GreghadaTWO-NIGHTSLEEPOVER.AndIbetyouthinkwehadatotalblast
andyouwanttoreadaboutallthewacky
stuffwedid,butguesswhat?Itwasnot
thatfunatALL.
Thereasonthissleepoverhappenedwas
becausemyNanagotsickandmeandmy
parentsweregonnagovisitherbutthen
Mrs.Heffleysaid:
168
WhenmymomsaidOKtothatidea,me
andGregwereHYPEDbecausewenever
hadatwo-nightsleepoverbefore.ButIguessweshould'vewaiteduntillaterto
celebratebecauseofthewholeNanathing.
OnFridaymymompackedmybagfor
theweekendandsheputinanextrapair
ofunderwear"justincase."
Plusshepackedapictureofherandmy
dadsoIcouldlookatitifImissedthem
toomuchwhiletheyweregone.
169
LikeIsaidbefore,thesleepoverwasn'ta
lotoffunbutitstartedoffprettygood.
WeplayedvideogamesinGreg'sbasement
andatesnacks.Thenweprank-calledScottyDouglasandheblewthewhistlehe
keepsrightbyhisphoneforwhenwedo
that.
170
ButthenMrs.DouglascalledMrs.Heffley
totellonusforprank-callingScotty.ThenMrs.Heffleytolduswewere
"bullying"andthatmademefeelashamed.
At9:00Mrs.Heffleysaiditwastimefor
bedandshewentbackupstairs.
IwasprettytiredbutGregsaidhehadan
idea.Thereisthiskidonourstreetnamed
JosephO'Rourkewhohasatrampoline
butheneverletsanyoneuseit.Gregsaid
weshouldsneakoutandjumponthe
trampolinewhileJoewasasleep.
WellIwasn'tsocrazyaboutthis
sneaking-outideabutGregsaidifIwasgoingtobeababyIshouldgoupto
Manny'sroomandsleepinTHERE.
171
IsaidIwasn'tababyandhesaid"Yuh-huh"andIsaid"Nuh-uh."Thenhesaid"Yuh-huhtimesINFINITY"butIwasready
forthatandIsaid"Nuh-uhtimesinfinitySQUARED."AndIthoughtIhadGregbeat
withthatone,buthegotmeanyway
whenhesaid"Yuh-huhtimesinfinitysquaredplusONE."
SowesnuckoutthebackdoorandI
followedGreguptoJoe's.Itwasreally
coldoutsideandallIhadonweremy
jammies,butIdidn'twannacomplain
becausethenGregmightcallmeababy
again.
172
SureenoughallthelightsattheO'Rourkes'
housewereoffsothiswasourbigchance
touseJoe'strampoline.Gregsaidwe
couldn'tmakeanynoiseandthenhe
climbedupanddidabunchofjumpsbuthe
wasrealquiet.
ThenitwasMYturn.Thiswasmyfirst
timeonatrampolineanditwasREALLY
fun,andIguessthat'swhyIforgotwe
werebeingsneaky.
173
ThelightscameoninsidetheO'Rourkes'
houseandtheirdogstartedbarkingand
Gregtookoffwithoutme.Iwantedto
runTOObutit'snotsoeasytostop
bouncingwhenyou'reonatrampoline.
OnceIfinallystoppedIrantothe
Heffleys'houseandwentaroundbackto
thebasementdoor.
174
ButIguessGregwantedtoteachmea
lessonformakingtoomuchnoiseatthe
O'Rourkes'becausehewouldn'tletmein.
ItriedtoshowGregthatIwasfreezing
butIdon'tthinkhereallygotwhatIwas
tryingtotellhim.
Ithoughthewasgonnamakemestayout
thereallNIGHTsoIranaroundthehouse
toseeifthefrontdoorwasunlocked.
175
ButitWASN'TandIkindoffreakedout
alittle.
Thegoodnewsisthatsomeonecameto
thedoorprettyquickbutthebadnewsis
thatitwasMr.Heffley.
176
Mr.Heffleytoldustogetourstufffrom
thebasementbecauseweweregonna
havetostayinGreg'sroomsohecould
keepaneyeonus.
ThenMrs.HeffleycameintoGreg's
roomandsaidshewasdisappointedinus
forsneakingoutandthatmademefeel
ashamedalloveragain.ButIthinkGreg
getsintroubleaLOTbecausehedidn't
seemthatashamed.
177
AssoonasMrs.Heffleywenttobed,Greg
saidIwasdumbformakingallthatnoise
attheO'Rourkes'andEXTRAdumbfor
ringingthedoorbell.IsaidIwassorryfor
saying"wheeee"onthetrampolinebutthe
doorbellthingwasallhisfault.
ThenGregwhappedmewithhispillowand
IwhappedhimBACKbutIguesswemade
toomuchnoiseandthat'swhyIhadto
seeMr.Heffleyinhisunderwearforthe
secondtimeinonenight.
178
Mr.HeffleytoldGreghehadtosleepin
Manny'sroomandallIcouldthinkwas,
who'sthebabyNOW?
ThenextdayMrs.Heffleywokemeup
andsaidbreakfastwasreadydownstairs.
Gregwasinthebathroombrushinghis
teethandhesaidhehopedIbroughtmy
owntoothpastebecauseifIwantedto
usehisIwasgonnahavetopayforit
sinceitwashishouse.
ItoldhimIDIDhavemyowntoothpaste
andthenhesaidIwasgonnahavetopay
forthewaterIusedtobrushmyteeth.
179
IsaidIwasn'tgonnapayforthewater
becauseIwastheguestandguestsare
supposedtogettreatedSPECIAL.
SohesaidifIwasn'tgonnapaywhat
IowedIcouldn'teatbreakfastorany
othermealseither.
IwaslikeyeahRIGHTandthenhesaidI
wasusinghiselectricityandheshutthe
lightoffonme.
WhenIgotdownstairsItoldMrs.Heffley
aboutallthestuffGregsaidupstairsand
shesaidIwasRIGHTaboutguestsbeing
special.
180
ThensheletmepickwhichpancakesI
wantedbeforeGreggottopick.
AfterbreakfastMrs.Heffleysaidwehad
toomuchscreentimethedaybeforeand
thatwehadtofigureoutsomethingto
dountillunch.
GregwasinagrumpymoodsoIdecided
tocheerhimupwithaknock-knockjoke.Buthewouldn'tdothe"who'sthere"part
nomatterhowmanytimesItried.
181
ItoldGregIwasgonnagoupstairsand
tellhismomhewasn'tsaying"who'sthere."
Andthatfinallymadehimdoit.
Isaidwhatdoelephantsdoatnight?But
Gregsaidyou'renotsupposedtoaska
questioninthatpartofaknock-knockjokeandIsaidyesyouare.
ThenhetoldmeIwasdumbandIsaidI
wasgonnatellonhimforTHAT.AndGreg
saidgorightaheadandsoIDID.
182
SoMrs.Heffleycamedownandtold
Greghewasn'tallowedtocallmedumbor
stupidoranyotherbadnameseither.
Butthenwhensheleft,Gregsaidhehada
newnicknameforme.AtfirstIthoughtit
soundedcoolbutthenIfiguredoutwhat
heMEANT.
183
ItoldGregIwasgonnatellonhimAGAIN
butthenGregsaidthatitwasOpposite
Dayandeverythingmeanttheopposite
ofwhatitwassupposedto.
WellIknewwhatheMEANTsoIwentand
toldMrs.Heffley.Butatfirstshedidn't
getmadbecauseshedidn'tknowitwas
OppositeDay.
184
IexplainedittoMrs.Heffleyandshemade
Gregapologize.ButIthinkhemight've
beenbeingopposite.
Mrs.Heffleytoldusthatsometimes
friendsgetoneachother'snervesbutwe
neededtofigurethingsoutsincewehada
wholedaytogoonoursleepover.
185
Shesaidmaybeweshouldspendsome
timeapartandIthoughtthatsounded
likeaGREATidea.SoIhungoutwith
Mannyinhisroomforawhile.
EventhoughIwashavingfunwithManny,
ImissedmymomanddadandIlookedat
theirpicturewheneverIgotthechance.
186
ThenexttimeIsawGregwaswhen
wehadlunch.Mrs.Heffleymadepeanut
butterandjellysandwichesandsheeven
rememberedtocutthecrustsoffmine.
Afterwefinishedoursandwichesshegave
uschocolatechipcookiesfordessert.
ShegaveGregonebutshegavemeTWO
becauseshesaidIwastheguestand
guestsareSPECIAL.
IateoneofmycookiesbutImadeashield
aroundtheothercookiewithmyarmsso
Gregcouldn'tgetit.SometimesifIhave
somethingGregwantshewilllickitsoI
won'twantitanymore.
187
That'swhathedidlastHalloweenwhenI
gotmorecandythanhedid.
ButGregsaidhewasfullanddidn'teven
WANTmycookie.HesaidthatwhileIwas
playingwithMannyhewasreadingabook
aboutmagicandhewantedtoshowmea
trick.IreallylikemagicsoIsaidOK.
FirstGregtoldmetoputmyfingerson
theedgeofthetablesotheywereclose
togetherlikethis:
188
ThenGregtookmyglassofmilkandput
itontopofmyfingers.
Iaskedhimwhenthemagicpartwas
gonnahappenandhesaiditwasALREADY
happeningbecauseIcouldn'tmove.Wellhe
wasrightbecauseifIdid,theglassofmilk
wouldtipoverandspill.AndMr.Heffley
getsmadwhenIspillstuffinhishouse.
ButthenGregsaidhere'stheREALmagic
partandhetookmycookieandateitup.
189
Afterthat,GregwentupstairsbutIwas
stuckatthekitchentable.AndIwasstill
thereahalfhourlaterwhenMrs.Heffley
camebacktothekitchen.
ItoldherwhatGregdidandboywasshe
madbutitwasn'tbecauseofthemagic
trick.ShewasmadthatGregtook
somethingthatbelongedtomewithout
asking.
190
WewentuptoGreg'sroomandthen
Mrs.HeffleytoldmeIcouldpickoutone
ofGreg'sthingstotakehomewithmeso
we'dbeeven.
WellGreghadaBUNCHofcooltoysthat
heneverletmeplaywithsoitwasreally
hardtopick.ButeverytimeIgotclose
tooneofhisfavoriteshekindofletme
knowIshouldn'tpickthatone.
191
Ipickedanactionfigurethatwasaknight
withamissingarmandGregseemedOK
withthat.
ButassoonasMrs.Heffleylefttheroom
GregsaidIcouldplaywithmylameaction
figurebecausehewasgonnaplaywithall
hiscoolstuffbyhimself.
192
ItkindofbuggedmeandIwantedtobug
GregBACK.SoIpretendedIwashavinga
totalblastwithmytoy.
WellitWORKEDandGregsaidIhadto
handoverhistoy.Isaidnowayandhe
saidhewasjustgonnawaitformetofall
asleepandhe'dtakeitbackHIMSELF.
ItoldhimIwasgonnaputtheaction
figuredownmyunderwearsohecouldn't
getitandhedidn'tlikethatidea.
193
ThenGregsaidhe'dTRADEmeforthe
actionfigureandIaskedhimwhathe'd
givemeforit.Gregsaidhe'dgiveme
ninety-ninecentsfortheknightandIsaidOKtothat.
ButthenGregtookadirtysockoutof
hishamperandtriedtogetmetosmellit.
AndIwaslikewhatwasthatfor?And
Gregsaidthatwasmyfirst"scent."
194
IsaidIwantedninety-nineCENTSnotninety-nineSCENTS.ButGregsaidadeal'sadealandthenhetriedtogetme
tosmellanothersockasmysecondscent.
WhenItoldGregIwasgonnagotellon
himagain,hesaidhe'dtrademehisLego
dragonformyknightandIsaidYES
becausethatdragoniswaybetterthana
knightwithnoarm.
195
ButthenwhenIgaveGregmyknighthe
wouldn'tgivemethedragonbecausehe
saidIshould'veremembereditwasstill
OppositeDay.
WellthatwasthelaststrawformeandI
triedtograbthedragonfromGreg.But
itkindofslippedoutofmyhandsandhit
thefloorandbrokeapart.
196
Iguessweweremakingalotofnoise
becausethenextthingweknewGreg's
momwasbackintheroom.Shesaidshe
wasgonnahavetoseparateusforthe
restofthenightwhichwasfinewithME.
Mrs.Heffleysaidthatweeachhadone
halfofthebedroomandthatwehadto
stayonourownside.Sosheaskedme
whichsideIwantedandIpickedtheside
withtheBEDwhichmadeGregmad.
WhenMrs.Heffleywentbacktoher
room,Gregsaidhewasturningonan
invisibleforcefieldbetweenourtwosides.
197
Thenhesaidifsomeonecrossedover
they'dgetzapped.
Gregsaidhewasfinewithmehaving
thebedbecausehecouldsleeponanair
mattressandplusallthefunstuffwason
HISsideoftheroom.AndwhenIreached
overtoGreg'ssideformyactionfigure,
sureenoughIgotzapped.
198
Iopenedthedrawerinthetablenextto
Greg'sbedtoseeifhehadanycomicsI
couldread.Wellthereweren'tanycomics
butoneofGreg'soldhandheldvideogames
wasinthere.
SoIplayeditandGregcouldn'tdo
anythingbecauseoftheforcefield.
ButGregsaidIcouldplayvideogamesby
myselflikeanerdbecausehewashaving
awildpartyonHISsideoftheroomand
Iwasn'tinvited.AndIgotkindofjealous
becausehispartylookedprettyfun.
199
IsaidwellI'mhavingapartyonMY
sideanditwasevenmorewildthanHIS
partyandIhadreallygoodmusic.Greg
saidIcouldn'tevencomeupwithan
originalideabutIstillthinkhewasjealous
ofmyparty.
200
ThenGregsaidtheplugtomyparty
speakerswasonHISsideoftheroomso
hepulleditouttoshutoffmymusic.
GreggotbacktohispartyandItriedto
tellhimtoplugmyspeakersbackinbut
Gregcouldn'thearmebecausethemusic
athispartywastooloud.
201
ButthistimeMR.Heffleycameintothe
roomandGregdidn'tnoticehimstanding
inthedoorway.
Mr.Heffleysaidhedidn'twantonemore
peepoutofusandthenhelefttheroom.
Wewerebothquietforalongtimebut
thenGregtriedtogetmetolaughandI
almostdid.
202
Iwaskindofgladwehadtobequiet
becauseIwasgettingprettysleepy
anywayandIwantedtogotobed.
ItoldGregIneededtobrushmyteeth
andhesaidtoobadbecausetheforce
fieldwasstillonandIwastrappedinmy
halfoftheroomforthewholenight.
SoIaskedifhecouldjustturnoffthe
forcefieldforalittlewhilesoIcouldbrush
myteethbuthesaidoncetheforcefield
isturnedonitstaysonuntilthemorning.
AndthenGregwenttothebathroomto
brushHISteethandcamebacktothe
roomafterhewasdone.
203
That'swhenIrememberedIneedtouse
thebathroombeforeIgotobedevery
nightsoIdon'thaveanyaccidents.
ButGregsaidIwasjustgonnahaveto
holdituntilthemorning.IsaidIcouldn't
MAKEitallthewaytomorningandGreg
saidthatwasn'thisproblem.
IsaidifGregdidn'tshutofftheforce
fieldIwasgonnahavetopeeinthe
Chewbaccamugonthetablenextto
Greg'sbed.Thenhetoldmehehada
specialinvisibleknifethatcouldcut
throughtheforcefield.
204
Gregshowedmehowtheknifeworkedby
cuttingasquareintheforcefieldright
nexttothetablewherethemugwas.
Thenhereachedthroughtheholeand
grabbedthemug.
IaskedGregtocutaRowley-sizedholeintheforcefieldsoIcouldgetthroughitto
usethebathroom.
205
ButGregsaidthekniferanoninvisible
batteriesandtheygotusedupwhenhe
madeHISholesoIwasoutofluck.
ThenGregstartedtalkingaboutallsorts
ofthingsthatmademefeellikeIreally
neededtousethebathroom.
FinallyGreggottiredandhefellasleep.I
thoughtabouttryingtosneakpasthim
butIwasworriedhewasjustfakingit
andIwasgonnagetzapped.
206
AfterawhileIfellasleeptoo.ButIwoke
uparoundsixinthemorningfeelinglikeI
wasgonnaBURST.
Ididn'tcareabouttheforcefieldanymore
butIwasworriedthatifIusedthe
bathroomImightwakeupMr.Heffley.
ButIshould'vejustusedthebathroom
anywaybecauseMr.Heffleywasalready
upfortheday.
207
LuckilyMr.Heffleydidn'tlookupintimeto
seemeinthewindowandwhenhegotto
Greg'sroomIwasalreadybackinbed.
Ifellbackasleepafterawhileandgotup
whenMrs.Heffleysaiditwastimefor
breakfast.
Afterweate,Iwenttogetmyknight
actionfigurefromGreg'sroombutI
couldn'tfindthetoyANYWHERE.
Gregsaidhedidn'tknowwhathappened
toit,butMrs.Heffleysaidhehadtohelp
melookforit.
208
SothetwoofussearchedGreg'sroom
buttobehonesthewasn'tallthathelpful.
IguessMrs.HeffleythoughtGregwas
hidingtheactionfigurefrommebecause
shesaidifhedidn'thanditoverintwo
minutesthenhewasgonnabeinbig
trouble.
Gregsaidheneededtousethebathroom
buthe'dkeeplookingformyactionfigure
afterhewasdone.ButInoticedhehad
somethinginhishandwhenhewentin
there.
209
Greglockedthebathroomdoorand
Mrs.Heffleytoldhimtocomeoutright
thisinstant.Butthenthetoiletflushed
andwhenGregopenedthedoorthere
wasn'tanythinginhishandanymore.
Mrs.HeffleymadeGreggivemeTHREE
toysandthistimeIpickedoutonesthat
WEREN'Tbroken.
Mymomanddadcameandgotmejust
beforelunchandboywasIgladtosee
them.AndP.S.ifyouwantedtoknow
theanswertothatknock-knockjoke,it's"Elephantswatchelevision."
210
THEADVENTURESOF
GREGANDROWLEY
I'mprettymuchuptodateonGreg's
lifesotodayIshowedGregwhatI
wrotesofar.Ithoughthewouldlikeit
buthewasMAD.
Gregsaidthisbookwassupposedtobe
aboutHIMandnotaboutME.Itoldhim
itwashardtowriteaboutjustHIM
becausemostofthetimewedostuff
TOGETHER.
HesaidIneedtogobackthroughthebook
andtakeoutallthestuffwithmeinit.I
toldhimthatwouldbedumbbecausethen
thebookwouldonlybelikeonepagelong.
211
Isaidmaybeweshouldchangethetitle
to"THEADVENTURESOFGREGAND
ROWLEY"anditcouldbeOURbiography.
ThenIsaidsincethere'salotofscary
stuffinthisbookwecouldmakeitintoa
spookyserieswherethesetwopalssolve
mysteries.Wecouldmakealotofmoney
andwe'dBOTHberichandfamous.
Gregsaidthatwasthestupidestideahe
everheard.
HesaidthisbookisaboutHISlifeandif
hewantstohecanchangethenameof
Greg'sbestfriendto"Rupert"andthen
hewouldn'towemeANYTHING.Plushe
saidhe'dmakeRupertreallydumband
droolingallthetime.
212
ThenGregtoldmethebooksmelled
funnyanywayandwhenIbroughtitup
tomynosetosniffitheclosedthebook
onmyface.
213
SoIsaidheywhatwasTHATfor?and
Gregsaidthat'swhatIgotfordropping
himinthepuddle.
ThenhesaidhegotmebackwhenIleast
expecteditandIguesshewasright
aboutTHAT.
ButIwasprettymadandIwhappedhim
withhisownbiography.
WellIguessGregwasn'texpectingTHAT
becausehelosthisbalanceandfellina
bigpuddle.
214
AnywayIamupinmyroomnowandI
amhopingGreg'smomcal lsh imhome
forbedtimesoonbecausehealready
skippeddinner.
I'mgladallthatstuffhappenedtoday
becauseitgavemeawholenewchapterin
ourbiography.I'msurewe'llbepalsagain
tomorrowandwe'llhaveabunchofnew
adventuresthatIcanputinhere.
215
AndI'llbetifwegowithmyideaabout
thescarystuffit'llsellamillioncopies.
ButifGregchangesmynametoRupertI
justwanttosayfortherecordthathe
wethispantsatthatfirstsleepovertoo.
216
OKNowBacktoThisBeingAboutMe
WellifGreg'snothappywithhisbiography
thenIcangobacktousingthisjournalto
writeaboutMYSELF.
SonowI'mofficiallythemaincharacter
ofthisbookagain.Andfromnowonthis
thingisjustgonnabeaboutmeandmy
momandmydadandImightmention
Ms.Beckonemoretimeifthere'senough
room.
Speakingofmymomanddad,aftermy
lastfightwithGregtheycametomy
roomtotalkaboutit.
217
ButIdon'treallythinkIcanaddanynew
friendsbecauseGregtakesupsomuchof
mytime.
IknowmeandGregdon'talwaysget
alongbutlikeMrs.Heffleysaid,sometimes
friendsgetoneachother'snerves.
WellmeandGreggetoneachother's
nervesaLOTsoIguessthatjustproves
thatwe're
