Discipline Methodsfor Parents and Grandparents

Prepared by Elaine Wilson, Parenting Specialist

Oklahoma State University

Discipline is one of the biggest problems everyparent faces. Learning to discipline your childreneffectively is hard work according to research find-ings at Oklahoma State University and other univer-sities. Positive discipline is much better than pun-ishment. It is the way parents help their childrenlearn self-control. These controls help the childknow what to do and when to do it even whenparents are not around to help them.

The purpose of discipline is to raise responsible,confident children who grow up to think for them-selves, care about others and live satisfying anduseful lives. The type of discipline a family usesstrongly influences the child’s self-esteem.

Change the Setting. If children misbehave inthe grocery store, do not take them to the grocerystore. If church lasts an hour, and children cannotsit still, take them to the church nursery. If yourchild runs through the living room, arrange thefurniture to block the path. Read about childdevelopment and talk with professionals like yourchild’s teacher or health care provider to learn whatto expect of your child.

Redirect, Distract, or Divert Attention. Whenyour child is about to do something wrong, redirectthe child’s attention to something desirable. Redi-rect a child who is sad about going to bed to comforta doll. A child who wants to play at Mother’scomputer needs redirection to her toys. A child whowants to hit needs redirection to hit a pillow or a ball.

Be Firm. Being firm does not mean yelling orcontrolling. It means deciding which rules are mostimportant. Think about your values. Carefully teachyour child correct behaviors. Show and teach themwhat to do. Be firm about the things that reallymatter. Be flexible about less important types ofmisbehavior. Your tone of voice, words and actionsshow that you mean what you say. Children usuallycomply when their parents are firm. Research find-ings indicate that children benefit from knowingthat their parents are in charge.

Ignore Misbehavior. Some children misbehavejust to get attention. Once you teach your child thecorrect behavior, it may be best to ignore attentiongetting behaviors like temper tantrums or foul lan-guage. The same is true of behaviors like silliness orexaggeration. These behaviors reflect the child’simmaturity. Your best discipline tool is your atten-tion. Give children massive amounts of attentionwhen they behave well. Try not to require that yourchild misbehave to get your attention.

Be Detached. Pretend this is not your child.Imagine that you are correcting a niece, nephew orneighbor. Most parents stay calm when they disci-pline someone else’s children.

Stay Alert. Deal with the situation before it getsout of hand. Correct the child before you becomefrustrated and upset. Watch difficult situationscarefully. There is no substitute for supervision.

Time-Out is not punishment. It is a special timeto calm oneself. It gives everybody a chance to calmdown to gain self-control. When children fight orseem to lose self-control, simply say, “You need atime-out.” Send them to separate rooms, chairs,anywhere to be alone for a while. There are many

Drawing personal attention from a caring adult.

ways to gain composure: walking, drawing, listeningto music, looking at a book. The type and length ofthe time-out will vary for each person and eachsituation. You might set the kitchen timer for a 5minute time-out. Eventually children will learn topace themselves and schedule their own time-outs.

Reverse Time-Out is for parents. Take a time-out yourself when you feel yourself getting out ofcontrol or angry. Tell the children you are taking atime-out to calm yourself. Your example will helpthem learn self-control.

Consequences is the name of a discipline methodthat says, “Experience is the best teacher.” It meansletting children have the dignity of dealing withresults of their behavior. It means not rescuingthem. It is not easy. There are many kinds ofconsequences, natural and logical. A natural con-sequence occurs naturally. “You did not eat yourdinner so you are hungry now. You can eat again at

Guiding Young Children Series

To assist parents, Oklahoma State University Coop-erative Extension Service offers a series of lessonson discipline. The information in the lessons comesfrom research studies of child development, guid-ance and early childhood education. The serieshelps parents recognize their own strengths and toselect positive discipline techniques. The series oflessons is especially useful for families at-risk forchild abuse.

Fact Sheet Fact Sheet Lesson TitleNumber

T2324 — A Look at DisciplineT2325 — Why Children MisbehaveT2326 — To Prevent MisbehaviorT2327 — Responses to MisbehaviorT2328 — Encouraging Self-ControlT2329 — Discipline Without Punishment

Order from your county OSU Extension office ordownload from the parenting web site:fcs.okstate.edu/parenting

Prepared by:Elaine WilsonParenting Specialist333 Human Environmental SciencesOklahoma State UniversityStillwater, OK 74078-6111(405) 744-7186Fax (405) 744-1461emwilso@okstate.edu

Oklahoma State University

snack time.” Logical consequences are rules andammends you and your child make together. “Youbroke the window so you will have to pay for it.” Yourcomment shows the child you care and understandthe child’s feelings “You broke the toy and wish itstill worked.” Do not buy a replacement toy. Socialconsequences teach conflict management. “Jamiedoes not want to play with you because you knockedover her block tower.” Some consequences arepositive. “You helped me with the dishes. Now wehave time for a game.”

Healthy foods, rest, sleep, exercise andwater to drink reduce discipline problems.