DIVORCE AND SEPARATION

Divorce is one of the most

stressful events that a

person can experience.

Some classify it as a

trauma second only to the

death of one's spouse or

child.

Sometimes, we the lawyers

are part of the problem,

rather than part of the

solution.

ELLEN S.

ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach

WHAT IS COACHING?

The International Coach Federation defines coaching as

“partnering with another person in a thought-provoking

and creative process that inspires them to maximize their

personal and professional potential.”

Divorce coaching adds

another layer to that

process. The coach

provides a thinking partner

for getting through the

business of divorce.

ELLEN S. ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach

IS COACHING

COUNSELING?

Coaching can help people to see where they

came from, and to figure out where they want

to be, and how they want to get there.

Coaching is goal-oriented, a process

intended to reach a solution.

It is not therapy. Although it is about positive

growth and change, it is not about diagnosis

or treatment.

ELLEN S. ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach

Is coaching like the

attorney-client relationship?

The coach can help the client to reach

his or her own

decision,

not only about

desired outcomes,

but also about the desired process.

The divorce coach has no pre-set commitment to the use of the

court system, or obtaining a written agreement, to resolve the

client’s situation.

The client may still be living with the spouse, or may be picking

up the pieces after the legal proceedings are already over.

The coach has a much more diverse toolbox than the attorney.

ELLEN S. ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach

Is coaching like mediation?

Although coaching has some features in common with

mediation (especially “transformative mediation”),

coaching is not mediation. In individual coaching, there

is one coach and one client. The coach is not

a neutral third party like a mediator.

What does coaching have

in common with mediation,

especially transformative

mediation? In coaching,

the coach does not decide

what the outcome should

be. As in mediation, the

coach is about the process,

and is not invested in

producing a specific result.

ELLEN S. ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach

Is divorce coaching like

collaborative law?

Collaborative law involves two lawyers, each representing

a client, but working toward a settlement outside the court

system. All four sit down together in a series of meetings.

The goal is to empower the clients to achieve a settlement

of their own creation, which meets their needs, without

requiring court intervention.

In the coaching

relationship, one client

meets with one coach.

This can occur before,

during, or after any legal

proceedings, including the

collaborative process.

ELLEN S. ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach

Coaches try not to push for

a particular solution. This

is one way the role differs

from that of an attorney,

who may advise, "XYZ is

the best solution for you."

The coach will turn back to

the client and say, "How do

you think this will work out

for you?"

The coach guides the

process towards an end

that is as comfortable and

as low-pain as possible,

with the understanding that

all decisions are up to the

client.

ELLEN S. ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach

DIVORCE COACHING

RESOURCES

www.certifieddivorcecoach

.com

“Divorce: Overcome the

Overwhelm”

Pegotty Cooper &

Randall R. Cooper

ELLEN S. ROSS

Attorney in New

York State

and

Divorce Coach