diwali deleted chapter 6

8/14/2019 Diwali Deleted Chapter 6

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Then there s nothing more for me to say. I smoothed the stack of poems and left them

in a neat pile on his desk. His eyes burned holes in my back as I quietly left the room.

Downstairs, I let Kishan pick the movie and he chose a James Bond film. I d seen it

several times before and, even as he put his arms around me and held me close, I thought of Ren

upstairs. I wanted to explain everything to him. I wanted him to understand my choice.

He was the person I d always confessed everything to, he was my friend, and he also

knew me well enough to see I was holding back. He knew there was something more to my

choice and, like a tenacious hound with a juicy bone, he was not going to let it go. I sighed,

snuggled closer to Kishan, and lay my head on his chest.

**

The next morning, I headed downstairs to breakfast to find Nilima busily stringing red

garlands all around the kitchen and the tables were covered with small clay lanterns.

What s going on? I asked .

She looked down at me from her ladder. Ah! You re awake. Get dressed, Miss

Kelsey. We re going shopping.

Shopping? For what?

For Diwali, of course.

What s Diwali?

I will explain it to you on the way.

Chapter 6 Diwali-Festival of Lights


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After I got dressed, Nilima hustled me into the McLaren and we headed to town. Now

will you tell me what s going on? I asked.

Next week is Diwali and I ll need your help to get ready.

What is Diwali?

It s a festival of lights where we celebrate life, show gra titude for our blessings, and

give gifts to those we love and cherish.

Huh. Sounds like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Valentine s Day all rolled into one.

Diwali is a five day celebration with gifts, decorations, fireworks, and many other

traditions. We will use the Fruit to make most of the food and the Scarf for clothing but we will

need to purchase gifts for everyone.

Okay. I ll follow your lead.

When she dragged me into the market, my mouth dropped open. It really was like

Christmas. Everything was decorated with red and gold. Boxy lanterns hung from wires over

the shops. She hauled me from store to store picking out dozens of items and had them wrapped,

bagged, and sent to the house. She purchased literally hundreds of tiny clay lamps that looked

like small bowls but with spouts for the flame and said I would be helping her set them up.

She perused bottles of colored chalk powders she said was for a rangoli design. When I

showed frustration at her inability to take the time to explain, she pointed to a corner of the shop

while she bartered for a good price. The corner of the store had several chalk paintings displayed

on the floor. The beautiful designs were randomly patterned and some featured the small clay

lanterns that she d already b ought.

Finished at that store, we headed to a large jeweler who specialized in expensive hard-to-

find jewels and exquisite handcrafts. She said we needed something gold and something silver.


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Pick out whatever you like but remember that your gift shoul d be personal and symbolize the

love you feel for that person. It must be wrapped with sentiment and emotion. If you pick

something useful try to also make it lovely. When the person opens it, it should infuse them with

warm feelings, Nilima coached .

So a paper weight would be a bad choice then. She frowned at me. Sheesh, Nilima.

I m teasing. I ll do my best.

After shopping was over she put all of us to work in the house. The only one not

involved with all the preparations was Mr. Kadam. He remained in his room and only allowed

us to visit with him briefly before he once again insisted he needed time to himself. This didn t

bother Ren and Kishan as much as it did me and one day I knocked on his door and insisted he

speak with me. He allowed me to enter and I sat in his leather recliner as he pulled a chair out

from his desk.

What is it, Miss Kelsey?

I knotted my fingers together. Why do you close yourself off from us? You never used

to do that. I miss you.

Ido not mean to offend. I m merely busy.

But you ve always been busy and you never isolated yourself from us before. I could

help. I could listen to whatever is bothering you.

Nothing is bothering me.

I looked up at him and noticed he wouldn t make eye contact. Yes, ther e is something

bothering you. Don t you trust me?

He sighed deeply. Miss Kelsey, of course I do. He continued softly, Itit s myself, I

don t trust.

What do you mean? Please talk to me.


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There are some things in this world that a person must face on their own. He tilted his

head and considered me. If you had a child that was learning to walk, would you pick him up

and carry him each time he fell or would you encourage him to keep trying?

To keep trying, of course. Unless he was going to seriously injure himself.

Yes. And if you saw sharp corners or broken glass in his path, would you not clear the

way for him?

Yes.

And what if your child was trapped in a house of burning flame? What would you do

then?

Without hesitation, I answered , I would run in and save him.

Yes. You would. In spite of the danger to yourself, you would endeavor to protect your

precious ones. He smiled. That is precisely what I needed to hear. You have given me great

comfort, Miss Kelsey.

But I haven t done anything.

You have done more than you know. You have a heart pure and loving. It is a priceless

gift that you have offered to all of us.

You re my family.

Yes. We are. Don t worry so over me. I promise that I will be with you all to celebrate

during Diwali but for now I must remain vigilant, for I have much to accomplish in a very short

time.

Alright. Impulsively, I wrapped my arms around him. He gently enfolded me in a

warm embrace and pressed his cheek against my forehead. He patted my back and I felt a

teardrop land on my nose.


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the king leaned over to whisper in his son s ear. He d say, She s too thin, That one s too

heavy. She looks like a hawk -nosed bird. Her hair is looks like straw.

The son learned from his father to become very finicky where young ladies were

concerned and soon the king didn t need to whisper in his son s ear for the young prince would

find a reason to reject the girl as soon as she appeared.

Years passed and the king, feeling confident, left the prince alone to care for the

business of the kingdom while he attended to other duties. One morning, after the prince sat

upon his throne and prepared himself to hear the cases of the day, there was a commotion at the

door. Despite the guards attempt to stop her, a young woman dressed in the clothes of a

commoner stormed up to stand in front of him. She glared at the prince with fire in her eyes and

accused him of wrongly imprisoning her father.

She gestured wildly at the soldiers who seemed cowed in her presence and said that a

farmer who was jealous of her father s herds claimed he stole them. Her father had been arrested

without the opportunity to have his case heard and the other farmer had taken possession of the

unfortunate neighbor s property. A line of witnesses stood beyond the door waiting to

corroborate the girl s testimony .

When she finished speaking, the prince sat shocked. No woman had ever spoken to him

in that manner before. As was his habit, he began to categorize her faults. She had a smudge on

her cheek. One eye was perhaps a bit bluer than the other one. Her hair wasn t cut in the current

fashion.

But soon those thoughts fell away and as she ver bally accused him of being a half-wit,

and an incompetent boy who knew nothing about running the kingdom, he couldn t help but

notice the curve of her figure, and how her eyes gleamed. He saw the shine of her black hair and

imagined wrapping it around his hands. He suddenly longed to feel a woman such as her in his

arms.

He called the witnesses and found her claim to be true. Her father was released and

when she returned to offer her thanks, he smiled at her rebellious expression as she sunk into a


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stiff, proud curtsey. Surprising himself as much as the court, he stood and took her hand.

Please, rise, he said. Then to the astonishment of all, asked her if he may have permission to

call upon her. She said no, which only caused the prince to become more delighted with her.

His persistence won out in the end and she came to love him as fiercely as she d once

reviled him. Though the king tried his best to list the girl s faults, the prince would only nod his

head, agree, and laugh with happiness. Reluctantly, the king agreed to the match after seeing the

passion with which they loved one another. He rationalized that his son, though his life be cut

short, would at least have known love.

The two were married and in desperation, the king confessed a ll to the new bride as he

danced with her at the wedding. The new bride patted the king s arm and told him that no snake

would take her husband from her the first week of her marriage. So determined was she, the

king felt some comfort.

On the fourth nig ht of their marriage, the new bride set out every piece of gold, silver,

and jewelry that had been bestowed on them as wedding gifts. She did not allow her husband to

sleep that night, and they both kept constant vigil as they watched carefully for the serpent. She

lit lamps, placing them in every available place on the floor and kept them going all night long.

To keep her husband awake, she told him stories and sang to him.

Late that night the god of death, Yama, arrived in the guise of a cobra, but hi s eyes were

dazzled by the lights and the wealth heaped on the floor. He swayed to the lilting songs of the

new princess and at dawn, unable to fulfill the prophecy, he left.

On this night, we keep the lanterns lit and we rise in the morning showing grat itude for

the blessings of a life renewed. Death has been turned away and it is time to celebrate life and

love and family and friendship.

Kishan held my hand and as I put my head on his shoulder, Mr. Kadam began another

story. Ren captured my other hand and twined his fingers in mine as we all listened.


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Day 2 Narak Chaturdasi

An overly perky Nilima knocked softly on my door at four in the morning. I mumbledsomething I was sure was incomprehensible and rolled over. She bustled in anyway and clapped

her hands loudly. It s time to get up, Miss Kelsey.

I leaned up on an elbow with my eyes closed and my hair in my face. What terrible

thing did I do that caused you to bother me at this hour?

It s time for the traditional bath.

I yawned. You wa nt me to take a bath? Now?

Yes. Come, I ll get it ready for you.

She disappeared into my bathroom and I heard the jet of water as the tub began to fill.

Keeping my eyes tightly closed, I ignored her and buried my head under the covers. The scent of

roses stirred me and, reluctantly, I shoved aside the covers and shuffled into the bathroom. For

the record, you all are crazy. We don t take any midnight baths on Christmas or even during

Thanksgiving.

No more whining. The boys are already up and yo u ll miss breakfast. She tested the

water to make sure it was hot and sprinkled in hundreds of rose petals.

I snickered. Did the boys have to bathe in roses too?

No. I got different oils for them. Now I ll leave you alone. When you get in your bath,

you are supposed to soak and think about the upcoming year. As you rise from the water, leavethe old Kelsey behind and then the girl we meet at breakfast will be a shiny and new Kelsey.

Your bath should leave you feeling refreshed, invigorated, and ready to face whatever lies

ahead.

Did you already do this?


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Yes. I ve already finished my bath. I m a brand new Nilima.

I m not sure I m very fond of the perky, new you.

Be that as it may, you will bathe.

What if I fall asleep?

Don t. You should finish your bath before the sun rises. New clothes will be waiting on

your bed.

With that, she left me alone, staring at a full bath. I mumbled, When in Rome, and

began unbuttoning my pajama top.

Despite my protests, the hot rose oil bath was wonderful. My muscles relaxed in the

steamy water and I thought about how much my life had changed since meeting Ren. I tried to

channel all the bad things, like Lokesh and sharks and Kappa, and imagined them washing away

down the drain. As I slowly sponged the silky water over my arms, I wondered if the new me

would be able to figure out my love life.

I focused on what I wanted to have with Kishan. As I lay back in the tub, I planned out

our lives. Assuming wed survive searching for the fourth gift, wed offer it to Durga and then

the boys would be men full time. Id finish college and Kishan wouldwhat would Kishan do?

Maybe hed take over the company or partner with Ren. Perhaps hed want to stay in India. I

bit my lip.

I hadn t thought of remaining in India. I loved the house but I also wanted to live in

Oregon. Maybe Id really get a job working for Mr. Kadam. Im sure I could be helpful

somehow. Would we get married? Live in my room here? No. Ren would be here. Wed haveto move away. I couldnt be married to his brother and still see him. What if he didnt want to

get married? No. I was pretty sure he wanted marriage and a family. What if he didnt want to

move? How would I face Ren day after day?


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That evening Nilima and Mr. Kadam planned an elaborate fireworks show. We set up

lawn chairs outside and watched as they shot off some very expensive mortars. When the light

faded, we started a bonfire and Mr. Kadam shared another story.

A demon named Narakasura stole away with s ixteen thousand women but, try as they

might, no man could defeat him, so a woman was sent to defeat the demon. Her name was

Satyabhama, and as she entered the battlefield she pretended to swoon in front of Narakasura.

He lowered his sword and approached her and that is when she rose up and cut off his head. The

credit for this deed was not given to her however, it was given to Krishna for it was he who

allowed her to enter the battle field and gave her the use of his chariot. As a sign of gratitude,

the freed women bathed Krishna, massaged scented oil into his body, and then married him.

This is one of the reasons it has become a tradition to rise early on this day to bathe.

I folded my arms. I m not sure I like that story. The women do all the work, pamper

the guy, and then become one wife among thousands.

Kishan stretched out his long legs and crossed them at the ankles. What s wrong with

that? I don t think we followed the tradition properly. Kelsey should have slayed a demon first

then give me a bath, followed by a massage with scented oil, and at the end of day she could join

my harem if I deemed her worthy enough.

I snorted. In your dreams, maybe.

He sighed dramatically. I guess I ll have to live with just the dreams for now.

Ren smacked the back of his head and Kishan sprang up and attacked him. The two

changed to tigers and began rolling around in the trees. Nilima rolled her eyes. Men.

Exactly, I agreed .

Day 3 Lakshmi Puja


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When I rose the next morning, I found a gift on my bed. A small wishing tree pillow

with hundreds of colorful embroidered ribbons made to look like papers. One of the papers was

twisted open and I could just make out the wish in black thread. It said, I want her to trust me.

The third day of Diwali was spent eating and gambling. I agreed to play but insisted that

no kisses were to be added to the pot as prizes and that that included all physical forms of

affection. Kishan teased me mercilessly about this and even Ren disagreed with me this time but

I was adamant and wouldn t participate until they agreed to follow my rule.

Nilima was an exceptionally good card player. Rummy was the game of the day and

we d bet little prizes like Ren writing a poem for the winner or Kishan agreeing to he lp prepare

Nilima s flower beds. I got into the spirit of the day and enjoyed playing and keeping score.

When we finally agreed to stop the games, I ended up with a stack of IOU s including a

back massage from Ren as well as an hour of him playing and singing for me on the guitar, a

hour s lesson in throwing the chakram from Kishan, two books from Mr. Kadam, and one of

Nilima s favorite necklaces. But I had to give up a brand new journal I just bought to Nilima, I

had to prepare and serve Kishan s favorite meal to him, and I had to be Ren s slave for a day .

I laughed when Kishan purposefully lost a hand so he wouldn t win a poem from Ren but

as he gathered the cards Ren teased Kishan by making up silly lines for him anyway. He started

with, Once there was a very black cat, and we all ended up contributing rhyming lines until

Kishan growled and left the table in a huff to refill his drink.

Day 4 Govardhan Pooja

On the fourth day, when I emerged from the bathroom, I found my bed had been made

and a large bouquet of lilacs rested on my pillow. As I was pouring a glass of papaya juice at

breakfast, I felt arms slip around my waist. I knew it wasn t Kishan even before he spoke my

heart told me. I set down the pitcher of juice and leaned back against him.


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He sighed and ducked his head to murmur quietly, I miss you.

You see me every day.

You ve put up a barrier between us. Can t you feel how right it is when we retogether? Just touching you is electric. You feel this too, don t you?

Yes. But it s not meant to be.

I don t believe that. Besides I don t want to argue with you. Today is the day of Diwali

when we celebrate romantic love. Husbands and wives especially show their affection and

gratitude for each other. I would be remiss if I didn t find a way to express my feelings for you

today. Did you get your flowers?

The lilacs? He nodded and turned me around to face him. Yes, I answered. They

were pretty hard to miss.

What s your answer?

I stared at a spot on his shoulder and repeated quietly, When a man gives a woman a

lilac he s asking her a question.

You remember.

I touched my palm to his cheek. Did you think I would forget?

He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. Slowly, he opened his beautiful blue eyes

and said, I love you, Kelsey. What I feel for you is more than gratitude, more than attraction,

more than affection. I never wrote a poem with exclamation points until I met you. Yo u re the

air in my lungs, the blood in my veins, and the courage in my heart. I m an empty shell withoutyou.

He cupped my face with his palms. You illuminate my soul with the warm glow of your

love and devotion. Even now, I can feel it and it sustains me. You can deny what you feel with

your words but your heart is still mine, iadala. He stroked my cheekbones, leaned towards me,


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and hesitated, letting me know I could pull away if I wanted to. But I didn t and he closed the

gap between us. He kissed me sweetly and tenderly and seductively and my mind went into

thought lockdown.

The kiss was over before I wanted it to be. He smiled, said, I thought so, and left the

room whistling while twining a hair ribbon around his fingers. Suspiciously, I touched my hair.

It was all mussed and tumbling down my back. I sat down at the table to eat and Kishan strolled

in freshly showered after his morning workout.

Good morning, bilauta.

Good morning, I mumbled guiltily .

He filled a plate and set it down next to mine, then brushed my hair aside and kissed my

neck. I like your hair down.

I groaned and stood up, mumbling, You and everyone else. I played with it for a

minute and realized if I left it down, I d be thinking of him all day. I turned to Kishan. I m

going upstairs to braid it. Be down later.

Confused, he murmured, Okay, then speared some fruit and watched me as I made myway upstairs. After I braided my hair, I pulled out a book I d taken from the library on festivals

celebrated in India and studied the Diwali festival. I wanted to do something special for

everyone and for Kishan especially. I had the Scarf make me a beautiful green lehenga and

asked Nilima for help. She agreed to my idea though she told me it was not normally done but

said that they would all appreciate my gesture in the spirit in which it was given.

I dressed carefully that afternoon and she came to my room to decorate my hands and feet

with a henna design. It took several hours but when she was done, I felt the time had been wellspent. My feet were beautiful. She left the hand with Phet s drawing alone but did an elaborate

design on my other hand. Kishan admired my clothes and my bare feet with great enthusiasm

and kept trying to guess at what I was planning , but I wouldn t share .


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That evening when we gathered together to light the lamps and tell stories, I asked if I

could do something special to help celebrate the day. Everyone agreed with great curiosity.

Nilima brought out a tray with flower garlands and a vermillion paste she had prepared for me. I

started with Nilima first since she already knew what I was going to do. She stood in front of me

and I picked up a garland made with fragrant gardenias.

I placed it around her neck and took her hands. You have been more than a sister to me,

more than a friend. You have prayed for me. You have gone without food so that I might

benefit from your sacrifice. Quietly, you work behind the scenes to make sure we are all

comfortable and cared for. You often provide what we need before we realize we need it.

I believe, as Durga does, that such loyalty and devotion should be rewarded, and I pray

that such a deserving woman will attain her heart s desire. Nilima, I honor you tonight. I

picked up a jeweled bindi, peeled the paper from the back and pressed it gently in the center of

her forehead. She hugged me and sat down. I asked Mr. Kadam to rise.

When he stood before me, I gave him a garland as well. After I d settled it to my liking

over his shoulder s, I said, Anik Kadam, you are my friend, my mentor, and my father. You ve

gently guided me over rocky paths where I could have easily fallen. Yours has always been a

voice of wisdom, a voice of calmness, a voice of faith. Durga said that your name will beremembered.

I would like to make a promise to you tonight that my children will call you grandfather,

that the lessons you ve taught me as well as those you ve taught to Ren and Kishan will be

passed to them, and that I will speak of and remember you fondly all the days of my life. I

glanced towards Ren and Kishan who were sitting on the couch. Ren nodded soberly and Kishan

smiled.

I smiled back and briefly thought of the future; including the possibility that Kishan and I

might live in the United States. Though I hope we are never to part, know that wherever you

are in the world, I will be thinking of you and wishing for your health and happiness. If there is

anything I could do, any wish I might grant you, I will do all in my power to see it

accomplished. Anik Kadam, tonight I honor you.


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I dipped my finger in the red paste and made a little circle in the middle of his forehead.

His eyes filled with tears and he hugged me tightly as they ran down his cheeks. Thank you,

Miss Kelsey.

I nodded against his shoulder and Kishan stood up next and clapped his hands. My

turn. I smiled at his exuberance and picked up his garland. When I set it about his shoulders,

he captured my hand and pressed a kiss on the palm. I took both his hands in mine and began.

Sohan Kishan Rajaram, when I first met you, I told you that I knew who and what you

were. That was not true, for you are much more to me now than your name, and much more than

a black tiger. You are brave, and strong, and loyal. You ve been more patient with me than I

had the right to ask. You ve been a constant, steady presence at my side and that support means

more to me than you know.

I wouldn t have survived Shangri -la or the Seven Pagodas without you. You carried me

tirelessly through the snowy mountains and saved my life time and time again. The Ocean

Teacher said that a strong man is like a rock that others can cling to for he will not bend though

the winds may howl. That s what you are to me. You re my rock, my raft in the ocean. When

the sun burns me, I find solace in your shade. When the waves crash, you hold them back.

When the arrows fly, you place your body in the path as my shield.

I pray to be worthy of you. I pray for you to have the full life of love and happiness that

you dreamed of and wished for in Shangri-la. I hope that I will be able to shower upon you all

the affection you deserve, wipe from your mind all the years of loneliness and heartache, and

make your life s path a journey full of adventure, laughter, and love. Kishan, tonight, I honor

you.

Kishan smiled, squeezed my hands, and leaned forward to kiss me tenderly. When we

broke apart, I dipped my finger in the red paste and swirled a circle on his forehead.

As he sat, I turned to Ren who was leaning forward staring intently at his hands. He

glanced up at me then turned his gaze away. When he finally stood, I got the impression that he


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wanted to escape but I smiled at him and beckoned him closer. He sighed and approached me.

You don t have to do this, Kelsey.

I picked up the garland. Yes, I do. If you ll let me.

You know I can refuse you nothing.

Good. Now bend your head.

I placed the garland over his head and took his hands. I felt the warm electric connection

I always felt when we touched and as I looked into his eyes, I forgot what I d wanted to say. He

squeezed my hands gently and I started. Quietly, I spoke. Alagan Dh iren Rajaram, I

I lost myself in his blue eyes and emotions and words that were inappropriate for me to

express flowed through my mind, lapping against my consciousness like soft ripples. My eyes

filled with tears and I trembled. Several times I opened my mouth to continue but couldn t find

my voice.

He lifted his hand, wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb, and said gently, I

already know, priya. I nodded and wiped my eyes. Will you still honor me with a tilaka? he

asked.

Finding my voice at last, I picked up the dish. Of course. My finger trembled as I

made the mark on his forehead. Ren. Tonight, I honor you.

He took the dish from me. And, I you. He smiled as he swirled the paste on my skin,

then kissed my hair. This was a wonderful thing for you to have done. I nodded weakly and

after setting down the dish, he took my hand and led me back to the couch where I sat between

him and Kishan.


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He smiled. No, it s not. Though, I would have enjoyed making such a purchase.

I m sure you would have.

Yes. His smile faded as he became lost in his thoughts and once again I worried overthe changes I saw in him since he d returned. He straightened and said, I ve asked the boys for

permission to give this to you as technically, everything I own belongs to them. They readily

agreed. Miss Kelsey, I ve decided to give you...my library.

Your library? What do you mean?

I mean that all the books that I own now belong to you.

II m overwhelmed. I sat up and said, I guess I don t really understand the gift

giving of Diwali. Why would you want to give me all your books? I can always borrow them if

I need them. I wouldn t want to move them from where they are. I m probably missing the

point, aren t I?

No, you are correct. Gifting a library of books is not a normal Diwali gift. In this case,

I wanted to present you with something that will have the most meaning for you. Your parents

once owned such a library, did they not?

They d id. Most of their books were sold off after they died. I only kept a few.

Then this library will be the beginning of your own collection. Whether you leave them

here or take them with you when you marry, they are yours.

Would it be alright with you if I left them where they are for the time being?

Of course.

He stood and I got up to hug him. Thank you for your generosity. It s a priceless gift

you ve given me.

It is nothing.


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There are many costly books in your collection. It s not nothing.

The gift you have given me is of even higher value.

I don t think the spice box balances out your library.

I was not thinking of the spice box, I was thinking of the gift of honor you gave me last

night. I will treasure your words forever. Thank you, he paused, daughter.

Thank you, father.

He hugged me again and left me to prepare for the day.

Kishan swept me up in his arms the moment I entered the kitchen and, though I protested

that I was starving, he said, Too bad, and carried me down the steps to the dojo. His gift had

been small enough for me to stick in my jeans pocket so I was ready in case he cornered me.

He set me down on the springy floor and spun me around. He d set up a small table for

two and had prepared a brunch using the Golden Fruit. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he

leaned close to my ear. Our last romantic dinner was interrupted so I thought we could try

again.

I put a hand over his and said, That s a great idea.

He dipped me back for a quick kiss, and then bustled me to my chair. He d made a buffet

on a side table that included my favorite breakfast foods as well as his and he took the liberty of

filling my plate and spread the cloth napkin across my lap. Just as we finished eating he clicked

a button on a remote and soft music began to play.

He stood and asked, May I have this dance?

Yes. I grinned and took his hand. He spun me around until I was laughing too hard to

stand on my own, then he pulled me close and pressed my hand against his chest.

Happy Diwali, Kishan.


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Happy Diwali, Kells. After a moment, he said, Think we ll get interrupted if I try to

kiss you?

I don t know. Anything s possible.

That s why I locked the door. I didn t want to take any chances this time. He pulled

me close and dipped his head. When his lips met mine, I kept my hands on his chest and kissed

him back. When I started to break away, he made a sound of protest and pulled me closer. He

angled his head and the kiss deepened. Running his hands down my back, he squeezed my waist

gently. I pressed against his hard chest and he reluctantly let me go. What is it? he asked .

It s me. II don t deserve you.

What are you talking about?

It s justI feel guilty. Do you remember when I told you that I had a talk with Ren

about us and that I was sticking with you?

Yes.

Well, what I didn t tell you is that he s not taking it very well. He s not backing off.

I would have expected that. That shouldn t make you feel guilty.

Right, but that s not all. Since he got his memory back, we ve kissed. Several times.

How many times is several?

Less than a dozen, more than two.

And did you initiate any of these kisses?

No. But I didn t exactly put up much of a fight either.

He wouldn t have let you anyway.


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He wouldn t have forced me if that s what you mean.

No, but he s persistent enough. We re a lot alike in that area, it seems. I did the same

thing to you in Shangri-la, if you recall.

Yes, I replied glumly. But this is different.

He rubbed his jaw. Not technically. You were his girlfriend then when I kissed you,

even if he wasn t there. Does he know about that?

Yes. He knows.

Then I guess I had it coming. There s something else bothering you though. He

studied my expression briefly. I see. You don t want to hurt him.

No.

Why not try what you did with me? Ask him not to kiss you again.

I don t think he ll agree.

If he doesn t, I ll intervene.

I don t want any fighting.

I won t fight him. I ll just explain calmly that you have chosen me and that he needs to

respect your wishes.

I ve tried. It doesn t work.

He pulled out a chair and had me sit, then he sat across from me. Do you love him,

Kells?

Yes.

Do you love me?


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Yes.

You re sure you want to choose me?

Yes.

He smiled. Good. I promise I ll do my best to make you happy. He put his arm

around me.

I sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder. Kishanwe ll have to leave him. I can t

be with you the way I should be with him around. It s too painful for all of us.

He kissed my forehead. Then we ll leave. After we find the fourth object we ll go.

You d leave India for me?

In a heartbeat. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers.

You re not an gry with me?

No. I could strangle him for tearing your heart in two this way, but I m not mad at you.

I got up, sat in his lap, and put my arms around his neck. See? I still don t deserve

you.

You re right. You have a lot of catching up to do. Give your boyfriend a proper kiss,

woman, and then I want to open my present.

With my heart lightened, I gave him a sweet kiss and then pulled his present from my

pocket. He tore into it like a little boy. He loved the Tibetan ring with the engraving that

translated meant, You are the jeweled lotus of my heart. Immediately, he put it on his finger.

I opened mine and was delighted to get a silver framed picture of him. He made me

promise to put it next to my bed and then he wished up a giant chocolate fudge cake since our


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original one had been lost at sea. We laughed and shared the decadent dessert as we spoke of a

future beyond India.

**

Later that afternoon, with Nilima s present in hand, I cornered her in her room and had

her open her gift. She l oved the pink sapphire and diamond jewelry set and confessed she d been

eyeing those particular pieces at the merchant s shop. She rushed to the mirror to try them on

and we perused her closet to figure out the best outfits for her to wear them with.

Half an hour later, she apologized for completely forgetting to tell me about my present.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me into my room. With a flourish, she opened my closet and

marched me over to the back wall. My mouth dropped. The entire wall meant for shoes which

normally housed my two pairs of sneakers and a pair of well worn hiking boots, was full of shoes

in a variety of colors and styles.

Nilima! What did youdo?

Though Ren is constantly adding clothing to your closet, I ve often scolded him for

ignoring appropriate footwear. He insists that you like to be comfortable in your sneakers. I told

him that shoes are something women will tolerate despite a loss of comfort. Still, I tried to pickshoes that would be easy on your feet. Many of them are slippers made by the Scarf.

I picked up a pair and felt the cushioned soles. They re wonderful! I hugged her.

And exactly what I needed. Thank you!

It was no trouble. Besides, I can now sneak into your closet to borrow them. She

laughed.

Feel free to purloin my shoes whenever you wish.

We matched up shoes to various clothes and by the time we were done, it was early

evening. At dinner we enjoyed a final feast of varied foods and when the meal was over, Ren

excused himself and stood behind my chair. May I give you my gift now, Kelsey?


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Kishan squeezed my knee under the table and I set down my napkin and placed my hand

in Ren s. Alright.

After running to my room for his present, I followed him out the front door. He kept

walking and eventually made his way to our practice field behind the house only turning to me

when he thought the footing might be difficult. He d gathered wood for a fire and with a snap of

my fingers, it was lit. When the fire was crackling, I accepted his offered hand, and sat next to

him. I gave him his gift first.

I d intended to get a gold ring for Ren with Sanskrit carving around the outside but

decided a ring was a girlfriend gift. Instead, I got him a beautiful notebook with an embossed

Chinese dragon on the outside, thick paper, and a Chinese calligraphy set for his poetry.

When he saw the notebook and paper he seemed happy. He thanked me but the light in

his eyes dimmed a bit and I sensed he was slightly disappointed. I knew he d seen Kishan s ring

and had heard him brag about it loudly all day. It made me wonder if Ren had expected

something similar. The gift was supposed to reflect the depth of my emotions and I knew that

nothing on earth would have been adequate in this case. How could I have boxed up something

to represent my feelings for him? It would have been an impossible task.

He left me briefly and retrieved a gift he d hidden at the foot of a nearby tree. I opened

the box wrapped carefully in golden paper and inside found a wooden music box with a painted

white tiger on the top. I touched the polished reddish-brown wood and, on closer inspection, I

realized that the tiger was an exact likeness of Ren. The stripes were identical. It s you, I said

as I traced a stripe.

Yes. I sent the artist a picture. The wood is from the boswellia tree.

I lifted it to my nose and inhaled. I can smell the frankincense.

Open it, he said .

I opened the music box and it began to play my song the one Ren had written for me

when we were apart the one he struggled with when he lost his memory. I listened to the


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No. But it will always be a part of you. It s who you are. Even in college, people came

to you, asked your advice. You always put others before yourself. You ll always be a hero, a

prince, a champion, a king.

Is this about you not being a pr incess? Does this have something to do with the radish

thing again?

No. I know that you love me for me and I know that you don t care if I m royal or not.

Then, I don t understand why you re speaking of this. Why is being a hero a bad

thing?

It s not a bad thing. It s a very good thing, a noble thing. It s just that I

I opened my mouth and almost blurted out my mortal fear. Stubbornly, I grit my teeth

and said nothing.

He rubbed my back and said, Kelsey, I d move heaven and earth if that s what you

needed me to do. Trust me to be the man you need. I want to build a life with you. I want us to

be together, always. I know that being with someone requires compromise and putting the needs

of the other person before my own. If there s something you need me to change, something Ineed to work on, tell me about it. I know I m not perfect.

No, you pretty much are perfect.

He growled in frustration. Kells, I know you love me but I need you to trust me too. I

can t fix something when I don t know what s broken.

What s broken is me and it s not something you can fix.

What can I do?

I wiped at an escaped tear. Nothing. I don t want you to do anything. No. Wait. There

is something I want you to do.


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What? What is it?

I need to ask you not to kiss me anymore. He said nothing. I went on. I m trying to

be with Kishan and when you kiss me it s confusing. I feel guilty. It makes my heart hurt.

Your heart hurts because you re ignoring it.

Please, stop. I can t think anymore. I feel like I m being emotionally ripped in two.

Kelsey. He raised my hand to his mouth, inhaled deeply, and sighed. I don t want

you to hurt. I don t want you to feel guilty. If the price of being near you is that I must watch

you be with my brother then I will suffer through it. But don t ask me to leave your side. My

heart is in your hands and I cannot live without it.

I don t want you to hurt either. I know seeing me with him is hard.

It s more painful than being tortured by Lokesh. At least there, I healed, and there were

times when I was left alone.

Ren.

Shh, priyatama. Stop your tears. I can t bear to see you cry. I still believe there s a

happy ending for us, that the promise in the song will someday be realized. I ll just have to

practice patience until then.

He produced a handkerchief from his pocket and dried my eyes. I started to move but he

held me back and said he just wanted to sit with me alone for a while. He put his arm around me

and I relaxed against him and stared into the fire.

We sat companionably together for more than an hour. I played the song a few moretimes and thought about how very difficult it would be to say goodbye to him, to turn my back

on someone so precious to me. I thought about Mr. Kadam s story about his son. He d held that

bird so tightly, it had died.


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diwali deleted chapter 6

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