domestic violence presenter: vanessa jenkins no guarantee you may face abuse even though you...
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No Guarantee You may face Abuse Even though you didn’t grow up with it Abusers often grow up with AbuseTRANSCRIPT
Domestic Violence
Presenter:Vanessa Jenkins
No Guarantee
You may face AbuseEven though you didn’t grow up with it
Abusers often grow up with Abuse
Background:
Grew up without Abuse in Family Fighting w/Siblings resulted in CHORES In Military, returned home to Beale … call friends --> met dates Dated for a Year…. Got to know him
Respectful, Well thought of He Proposed…. Married
He had 2 kids
Background: Adjustment Period after wedding
One sided,,, watch kids, jobs, marriage Needed help managing kids & house
He called Vanessa a Lousy Mom when she asked for Help.
Lies Of Omission: Left out critical info. 3 Months: Verbal Abuse Started 6 Months: Physical Abuse Started
Yelling….
6 Months: Physical Abuse Started:
Grabbed Vanessa by Nape of Neck and Seat Pants .. ….threw her headfirst onto floor
Vanessa was in Shock, Disbelief Blame Shifting: Next day Vanessa tried to talk about
it…. “If you hadn’t make me mad I wouldn’t have had to hurt you
“Control you” 3rd Day - He cried, apologized, ….. Best thing ever
happened to me, Promise it will never happen again…
Honeymoon Period:
Lasted 3 more Months till next Blow up. Build up: Verbal, Emotional… Ends in Physical Abuse
Background:
9, 12, 15,… Months: More Physical Abuse Fingers broken - Pearl Necklace Ribs - Matching Bracelett Rt. Foot - Earrings
Deal with Situation by:
Left… Came back for the Kids Can’t take the Kids because he had Custody… Try to get Counseling… He wouldn’t go.. Cannot Fix the Other Person
Fix the Problem:
Would having a baby help? Become trapped by responsibilities A BABY is not a Band-Aid for a BAD Relationship Taking the Baby and Leaving is KIDNAPPING
Getting Out: Contact Grandparents - take guardianship Fill out paperwork with District Attorney Can’t leave in good conscious with kids still in house. Sent Kids to Grandparents…& all their stuff. Getting ready to Leave… getting things out He was losing control, no kids to hold Vanessa,,,
Vanessa’s mind set changed,,, so HE tried to grab control…
Getting Out: Daughter called her to see if she was going thru with
Leaving him. Vanessa told Him… she was leaving He pushed her, she ran Dragged her by hair, she escaped to bedroom. He threw her onto bed, Jammed gun against her temple… All sudden he walked away to watching TV Vanessa left
Residual Control: Contacted her parents, siblings, friends, work Stayed with a Friend Contacted her at work Abusive People try to still exert Control by
sending texts, letters,…. Insert their ideas into your head. Manipulate you
Were there Warning Signs during dating?
Never talked about Mom, FatherBrother, Sister
Never mentioned MedicationHis parents problems…
Women Abusers:
Mental - constant put downs… “stupid”Verbal
Emotional - cry to get way…Manipulative - do this if you love me…
Physical: Often use objects…
Male Abusers:
Mental - constant put downs… “stupid”
Verbal
Manipulative - do this if you love me…
Physical:
Kids Involved:
Laws involving custody of KidsStepmom taking kids = Kidnapper!
Baby is not a Band-aide for a Bad Relationship.
Kids Involved:
Baby is not a Band-aide for a Bad Relationship.
Babies = 18 year involvement with Abusive Spouse
He said / She said (no witnesses)
Domestic Violence Relationships:Parents Relatives Boy/Girl-friend Friends
Warning Signs for Vanessa: Present:TalkGet to Know FamilyHow they Treat
Parents
Past:On MedicationAbusive ParentsAlcoholic ParentsBipolar, etcDad left
Screening Future Mate: Present:TalkGet to Know FamilyHow they Treat Parents
Stages of Stress
Verbal Abuse: Name calling, Foul Lang.
Blowup - Physical Abuse
Honeymoon - Makeup
How to Get Help:Yuba-Sutter Mental Health
24 hr. Emergency/Crisis Line(530) 673-82551-888-923-3800
Casa deEsperanza 651.772.1611www.casadeesperanza.org
How to Get Help:Teacher, Counselor
How to Get Help:911Yuba-Sutter Mental Health
24 hr. Emergency/Crisis Line(530) 673-82551-888-923-3800
National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Resources:
Oprah Winnfreyhttp://www.oprah.com/dated/oprahshow/oprahshow-20090312-dating-violence
Love is Not Abusehttp://www.loveisnotabuse.com/index.html
Conclusion:
Dif. Communication Styles male/femaleEx: Is that what your wearing?(how is it meant?)