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“The Chocolate Shoe”

Two Kinds of EditsEditorial Guidance– Characterization or plot problems– Prompts to add description

Corrections– Grammar and punctuation errors– Corrections to sentence structure or dialogue

Two Kinds of EditsEditorial Guidance– Characterization or plot problems– Prompts to add description

Corrections– Grammar and punctuation errors– Corrections to sentence structure or dialogue

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop

offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve

from the colorless sky. I am always surprised to see other

people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. I step into

the Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street

like I always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. A

woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop

offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from

the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown

Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only

strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see

other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A

woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop

offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from

the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown

Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only

strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see

other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A

woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop

offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from

the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown

Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only

strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see

other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A

woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. The tiny shop

offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from

the colorless sky. I step into the Chocolat Bar in downtown

Boise, checking the street like I always do. I see only

strangers, like I always do. I am always surprised to see

other people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A

woman stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. I step into the

Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street like I

always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. The tiny

shop offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve

from the colorless sky. I am always surprised to see other

people here, as if this place belongs to me alone. A woman

stands talking with the clerk behind the counter.

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. I step into the

Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street like I

always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. The tiny shop

offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from the

colorless sky. A woman stands talking with the clerk behind the

counter. I am always surprised to see other people here, as if this

place belongs to me alone.

I fancy a caramel with Hawaiian sea salt. I step into the

Chocolat Bar in downtown Boise, checking the street like I

always do. I see only strangers, like I always do. The tiny shop

offers a refuge from the cold, the golden air a reprieve from the

colorless sky. A woman stands talking with the clerk behind the

counter. I am always surprised to see other people here, as if this

place belongs to me alone.

Organization

• Paragraph level• Scenes/chapters• Structure of the entire book– Plot structure– Pacing

“These scenes are too fast (or too slow).”“This character’s actions are not believable.”

More Guidance…

I haven’t been in for a few months, but my

routine is the same. I try some of their samples. I

enjoy their delicious taste.

DETAILS!

I haven’t been in for a few months, but my

routine is the same. I wander along the display

case and glance at the sample plate as if I’d

stumbled across it on accident and may as well

try a piece since I’m here. I’m not so bold as to

go straight for it without pretension. I test the

white chocolate Fall bark with bits of pistachios

and cranberries. Delicious.

I enjoy their delicious taste.

Boring.

I test the white chocolate Fall bark with bits of pistachios and cranberries. Delicious.

Why does this work better?

At first I feel self-conscious trying all

the different samples. One sample is

unusual, but I’m too shy to ask the clerk

what kind of candy it is.

Show don’t tell. Be specific.

I hesitate for a moment before I take another

sample, a dark chocolate shard laced with cinnamon.

Brazenly, I try the last offering, another dark chocolate

sample with a flavor I can’t identify. I’m curious about

it, but not curious enough to interrupt the clerk’s

conversation with her customer. It doesn’t matter. The

customer finishes up while I pretend to ponder

purchasing something I’ve just sampled.

Even with an editor, you are still the writer.

• There are things only you can bring to the table.

• Your editor will offer guidance.• Your editor should honor your style and voice.• Caveat: – Don’t excuse problems by saying “it’s my style.” – It only works if it works.

Corrections!

Slabs of fudge are cut on a thick sheet of marble by a woman in a white smock.

A woman in a white smock cuts slabs of fudge on a thick sheet of marble.

Slabs of fudge are cut on a thick sheet of marble by a woman in a white smock.

A woman in a white smock cuts slabs of fudge on a thick sheet of marble.

I stroll to the last display case, zeroing in on my predetermined purchase. There they are: chocolate-covered soft caramels sprinkled with pink Hawaiian sea salt. I order a square and my piece is wrapped in parchment paper.

I stroll to the last display case, zeroing in on my predetermined purchase. There they are: chocolate-covered soft caramels sprinkled with pink Hawaiian sea salt. I order a square and my piece is wrapped in parchment paper.

I order a square of caramel and see a gloved hand wrap my piece in parchment paper.

NOT GOOD:

The audience is bored by the presentation.

BETTER:

The presentation bores the audience.

EVEN BETTER?

Details! You try!

I glance from my screen to the audience. An old woman stares through the window at the bare parking lot. A man in a tan polo shirt is preoccupied with his smart phone. Ditto for the woman in a fluffy pink sweater. Her artificial nails assault the screen: tap, tap, tap.

The few faces pointed in my direction wear the distant expressions of those whose thoughts lie elsewhere.

Minor Corrections

Don’t Panic

are they

are they

are they

are they

are they

are they

are they

are they

Now that you’ve survived the editing process…

Aaaaand… Now its you’re turn!

I mean, “Now it’s your turn.”