don't suck at verbal self-defense

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Don’t Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

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Have you ever been verbally attacked but didn’t quite know how to respond? It can be quite a frustrating experience! Perhaps you tried to argue using facts, ... ...only to see the doubt remains on other people’s faces. Or the verbal attack completely stunned you, ... It can be quite a frustrating experience! Disproving a preposterous accusation doesn’t accomplish a thing. So what should you do? First, understand that you were attacked... ... by the oldest trick in the book. Basically, the pattern is always the same: 1. A preposterous accusation is made against you. 2. You are shocked or completely stunned. 3. Disproving the accusation has no effect on the observers. This sounds familiar, right? Ridiculous accusation is the key. It is a hook! Hook needs to be shocking: To distract you, ... ... to get you out of balance, ... ...to make you fight the wrong enemy,... And to let the hidden implication stand! Every minute you spend fighting the hook... ...actually gives more and more weight to the implication. So ignore the bait! Don’t let the implication stand: 1. Identify the real attack. 2. Reveal it to everyone. 3. Let the attacker try to explain himself / herself. It simply works, because: Were you to start defending yourself, ... ...you would appear guilty whatever you say. While, by turning the tables (with a smile),... ... you have put the attacker in a difficult position. For example: - “If you really wanted us to get this project, you wouldn’t be CHATTING with the client all day long!” Wrong: (Gasp) - “I was actually explaining to him why we are perfect for the job!!! Blah blah!” Correct: (Calm) - “When did you start thinking I DON’T care for this project?” A word of caution though: “Why do you...” leads to a confrontation, ... ...while “When did you...” is much more neutral. You can also choose to retreat, ... ... But dismiss the implication first: “Of course I care about the project.” – then change the subject. It’s not always easy to do. But it’s definitely doable... ...and you can start right away. Whatever you do: Ignore the hook, and deal with the real attack. (Your choices: neutral, confrontation, retreat.) Before you leave: This information could help other people you know. Share it! http://www.OnSoftwareProjects.com ### Image sources: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:G_Blaize_Kokiu_Nague_2.JPG http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fish-hook.JPG http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ignoring_on_a_beach.jpg http://ionicons.com ### For more actionable advice, visit: http://www.OnSoftwareProjects.com

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Don’t Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Page 2: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Have you ever been verbally attacked but didn’t quite know

how to respond?

Page 3: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It can be quite a frustrating experience!

Page 4: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It can be quite a frustrating experience!

Perhaps you tried to argue using facts, ...

Page 5: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It can be quite a frustrating experience!

Perhaps you tried to argue using facts, ... ...only to see the doubt remains on other people’s faces.

Page 6: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It can be quite a frustrating experience!

Perhaps you tried to argue using facts, ... ...only to see the doubt remains on other people’s faces.

Or the verbal attack completely stunned you, ...

Page 7: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It can be quite a frustrating experience!

Perhaps you tried to argue using facts, ... ...only to see the doubt remains on other people’s faces.

Or the verbal attack completely stunned you, ...

...but the longer you waited, the harder it became to do someting.

Page 8: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Disproving a preposterous accusation doesn’t accomplish a thing.

Page 9: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Disproving a preposterous accusation doesn’t accomplish a thing.

So what should you do?

Page 10: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

First, understand that you were attacked...

Page 11: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

First, understand that you were attacked...

... by the oldest trick in the book.

Page 12: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Basically, the pattern is always the same:

Page 13: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Basically, the pattern is always the same:

1.  A preposterous accusation is made against you.

Page 14: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Basically, the pattern is always the same:

1.  A preposterous accusation is made against you.

2.  You are shocked or completely stunned.

Page 15: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Basically, the pattern is always the same:

1.  A preposterous accusation is made against you.

2.  You are shocked or completely stunned. 3.  Disproving the accusation has no effect on

the observers.

Page 16: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Basically, the pattern is always the same:

1.  A preposterous accusation is made against you.

2.  You are shocked or completely stunned. 3.  Disproving the accusation has no effect on

the observers.

This sounds familiar, right?

Page 17: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Ridiculous accusation is the key.

Page 18: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It is a hook!

Page 19: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Hook needs to be shocking:

Page 20: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Hook needs to be shocking:

To distract you, ...

Page 21: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Hook needs to be shocking:

To distract you, ... ... to get you out of balance, ...

Page 22: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Hook needs to be shocking:

To distract you, ... ... to get you out of balance, ... ...to make you fight the wrong enemy,...

Page 23: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Hook needs to be shocking:

To distract you, ... ... to get you out of balance, ... ...to make you fight the wrong enemy,...

And to let the hidden implication stand!

Page 24: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Every minute you spend fighting the hook...

Page 25: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Every minute you spend fighting the hook...

...actually gives more and more weight to the implication.

Page 26: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

So ignore the bait!

Page 27: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Don’t let the implication stand:

Page 28: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Don’t let the implication stand:

1.  Identify the real attack.

Page 29: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Don’t let the implication stand:

1.  Identify the real attack. 2.  Reveal it to everyone.

Page 30: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Don’t let the implication stand:

1.  Identify the real attack. 2.  Reveal it to everyone. 3.  Let the attacker try to explain himself /

herself.

Page 31: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It simply works, because:

Page 32: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It simply works, because:

Were you to start defending yourself, ...

Page 33: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It simply works, because:

Were you to start defending yourself, ... ...you would appear guilty whatever you say.

Page 34: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It simply works, because:

Were you to start defending yourself, ... ...you would appear guilty whatever you say.

While, by turning the tables (with a smile),...

Page 35: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It simply works, because:

Were you to start defending yourself, ... ...you would appear guilty whatever you say.

While, by turning the tables (with a smile),...

... you have put the attacker in a difficult position.

Page 36: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

For example: - “If you really wanted us to get this project, you wouldn’t be CHATTING with the client all day long!”

Page 37: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

For example: - “If you really wanted us to get this project, you wouldn’t be CHATTING with the client all day long!” (Gasp) - “I was actually explaining to him why we are

perfect for the job!!! Blah blah!”

Page 38: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

For example: - “If you really wanted us to get this project, you wouldn’t be CHATTING with the client all day long!” (Gasp) - “I was actually explaining to him why we are

perfect for the job!!! Blah blah!”

WRONG

Page 39: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

For example: - “If you really wanted us to get this project, you wouldn’t be CHATTING with the client all day long!” (Gasp) - “I was actually explaining to him why we are

perfect for the job!!! Blah blah!”

(Calm) - “When did you start thinking I DON’T care for this project?”

WRONG

Page 40: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

A word of caution though:

Page 41: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

A word of caution though:

“Why do you...” leads to a confrontation, ...

Page 42: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

A word of caution though:

“Why do you...” leads to a confrontation, ...

...while “When did you...” is much more neutral.

Page 43: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

You can also choose to retreat, ...

Page 44: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

You can also choose to retreat, ...

... But dismiss the implication first:

Page 45: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

You can also choose to retreat, ...

... But dismiss the implication first:

“Of course I care about the project.” – then change the subject.

Page 46: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

It’s not always easy to do.

Page 47: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

But it’s definitely doable...

It’s not always easy to do.

Page 48: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

But it’s definitely doable...

...and you can start right away.

It’s not always easy to do.

Page 49: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Whatever you do:

Page 50: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Whatever you do:

Ignore the hook, and deal with the real attack.

Page 51: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Whatever you do:

Ignore the hook, and deal with the real attack.

(Your choices: neutral, confrontation, retreat.)

Page 52: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Before you leave:

Page 53: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

This information could help other people you know.

Before you leave:

Page 54: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

This information could help other people you know.

Share it!

Before you leave:

Page 55: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

This information could help other people you know.

Share it!

www.OnSoftwareProjects.com

Before you leave:

Page 56: Don't Suck at Verbal Self-Defense

Don’t Suck at Verbal Self-Defense, from www.OnSoftwareProjects.com

Image sources: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:G_Blaize_Kokiu_Nague_2.JPG

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fish-hook.JPG http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ignoring_on_a_beach.jpghttp://ionicons.com

www.OnSoftwareProjects.com