BEST WISHES...A STEVE
FALCONE FAIRYTALE
ACT I SCENE 1
(A young lass in Medieval garb broods in her chamber before her vanity --- a male actor
done up as a mirror.)
CLARA
I‟m Clara, the practical one. Eldest, alas. (sings and dances) Never has any fun (dances)
Always gets the chores done. Toiling into the sun. Got the sheep on the run. (stops, picks up
broom) Baah. Enough of this silliness. This is no festival. This is a work day. (sweeps)
Every day‟s a work day in Cob. That‟s our fair city, Cob. Can you believe it?
GLASS
You bet.
CLARA
Pay Glass no mind. (she primps) Nobody does.
GLASS
Not a bit.
CLARA
It‟s the next best thing to being alone.
GLASS
Next best?
CLARA
A diary that glints and shimmers.
GLASS
I am shiny.
CLARA
A dull reflection of oneself.
WISHES/ 2
GLASS
Takes one to show one.
CLARA
A soft spot to pour every heartache and longing…those simpering urges silly girls get… so
I‟m told.
GLASS
Goofy geese.
CLARA
What have such soppy notions to do with a practical girl (sings) a tactical girl (dances) with
wool on the loom, dirt for her broom, little time to brood in her room, in her dungeon of
gloom, crying over milk not yet spilt in her pail? Alone in her own weepy jail?
GLASS
Who ran off with her tart?
CLARA
In this heart-to-heart, I do the moaning, mister.
GLASS
You always do, dear.
CLARA
And there‟s no more to hear, nothing to fear with an answer so clear before me. (picks up
broom sweeps, sings) Work, work, work! Never, ever do we shirk. There‟s nowhere to go
and nothing to say, we just DO day-by-day. (sweeps GLASS around the room) That‟s the
only way, sweep those doldrums away, yay, hey hey! (sweeps herself to exhaustion on a
stool, lowers head, weeps)
GLASS
Yay, hey, hey.
WISHES / 3
CLARA
That all you got to say?
GLASS
Pretty much. (freezes)
CLARA
How weepy can one evening get? Sobbing into a mirror just gets a girl wet. Hopeless tears
splashed back on oneself. And I‟m still on the shelf. (tosses herself on the bed) By myself. In
my room. All alone. One more night to myself to simper and cry. To sigh and ask why?
Why? Why? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why? Always the same. No reply to the pain.
No one answers, alas. Not a peep from the GLASS. Oh, how I wish…
(A puff of smoke reveals a little man in a long robe sitting on a stool.)
FARNEY
Whatta ya want?
CLARA
Oh, dear.
FARNEY
Let‟s get it straight, toots. I ain‟t no honey, no bunny, no pal, no pet. This is business.
CLARA
I don‟t…
FARNEY
Sure ya do. Ya made a wish. I deliver.
CLARA
But I don‟t...
WISHES / 4
FARNEY
Yeah, ya do. (pause) They all do.
CLARA
(sings) I do, I do, I do I do I do. (sighs) But I don‟t know what.
FARNEY
(to GLASS) See what I gotta deal with?
CLARA
Are you speaking to my mirror?
FARNEY
Sorta. (pause) Y‟know, guy stuff. Banter? Mano a mano. (punches GLASS on arm, GLASS
rubs it) Though we might be short a mano here.
GLASS
Hey!
FARNEY
He‟s gay, right?
GLASS
Am not.
FARNEY
Right.
CLARA
Who are you?
FARNEY
Name‟s Farney, Elf First Class, Union label all the way. (shows tag in robe)
WISHES / 5
CLARA
And you‟re here to see me?
FARNEY
Don‟t take this personal -- but this ain‟t personal -- if ya take my meaning.
CLARA
I wish I did.
FARNEY
Bingo.
GLASS
Shouldn‟t we see some ID?
(FARNEY fakes a punch & GLASS scampers away.)
CLARA
You‟ll make all my dreams come true!
FARNEY
More or less.
CLARA
Grant my every wish!
FARNEY
Just the one, toots.
CLARA
Don‟t you mean three?
FARNEY
Uno.
WISHES / 6
CLARA
Everybody gets three -- it‟s traditional.
FARNEY
Usta be.
CLARA
So?
FARNEY
We got us a situation here.
CLARA
Where?
FARNEY
There‟s three of youse, right? Ya got two sisters…
CLARA
Malicia…
GLASS
(dreamily) and Rose White.
CLARA
What have they got to do with this?
FARNEY
They made wishes, also.
CLARA
And?
WISHES / 7
FARNEY
Family Package, each sis gets a wish. It‟s our seasonal special.
CLARA
That‟s crazy!
FARNEY
Tell me about it. Hey, it‟s cheaper this way, a cost-cutter. Go figure.
CLARA
Can they do that?
GLASS
You‟ve some proof, I suppose.
FARNEY
Got the packing order right here; Kingdom of Cob, Practical Sister: one wish.
(FARNEY pulls a paper from his robe & GLASS looks it over.)
GLASS
Seems legit.
CLARA
One wish, one wish (sings) One wish to fill the dish, to make my life delish. A boy… a
ball…a fish? I don‟t know what to wish -- have you got a catalogue?
FARNEY
She always like this?
GLASS
Pretty much.
WISHES / 8
CLARA
(sits on bed) I simply must concentrate, clear my mind of fluff and focus. That‟s what Papa
always tells me. Course, Mama‟s much more useful at times like this. I get my practical
nature from her. She…
FARNEY
Much as I‟d love to chat, toots, (taps wristwatch) they got me on a tight schedule here. I got
other stops, if ya take my meaning.
CLARA
Malicia.
GLASS
(dreamily) Rose White.
FARNEY
Which kinda puts a time limit on your wish.
CLARA
What kind of time limit?
FARNEY
(checks watch) Five minutes.
CLARA
I wish I knew my own mind…that doesn‟t count, does it?
FARNEY
I can‟t make the wish for you.
CLARA
This isn‟t fair! I‟m the eldest sister, the practical one, unfit for lavish living, unused to
getting my way.
WISHES / 9
FARNEY
Yer a princess, ain‟t ya?
CLARA
I suppose so.
FARNEY
Yer old man the king?
CLARA
The dotty old dear does his best.
FARNEY
Yea or nay?
CLARA
Technically.
FARNEY
So yer royalty?
CLARA
After a fashion.
FARNEY
Bingo.
CLARA
You‟re trying to tell me something.
FARNEY
Just spitballin here.
WISHES/10
CLARA
(to GLASS) You speak his lingo?
GLASS & FARNEY
Hardly.
FARNEY
As a member of a royal household, yer entitled to a crown, am I right?
CLARA
By virtue…
FARNEY
Leave us not go there.
GLASS
Ouch!
FARNEY
(checks watch) Time‟s bout up.
CLARA
I‟ve never actually worn a crown. Ever.
FARNEY
There ya go.
GLASS
(begins to chant softly) Tiara, tiara, tiara.
CLARA
Would it have diamonds?
FARNEY
Bling‟s the thing these days.
WISHES / 11
GLASS
(chants) Tiara, tiara, tiara.
CLARA
Use my wish of a lifetime for jewelry?
FARNEY
Hey, it‟s all about the crown.
CLARA
Why not?
FARNEY
Deal. To make it official, repeat after me. (dull voice) I, Clara, the Practical One, daughter of
King Rupert and Queen Millicent of Cob, do hereby use my one and only wish to obtain a
stately crown.
GLASS
(chants) Tiara, tiara, tiara.
CLARA
It‟ll be a tiara, won‟t it?
FARNEY
If migraine machine over here pipes down.
(CLARA shoots GLASS a look. He stops chanting.)
CLARA
(sings & dances) I, Clara, the Practical One…
FARNEY
Close enough. (pulls crown from his robe) Knock yerself out.
WISHES / 12
(A puff of smoke & FARNEY‟S gone.)
CLARA
Was it a dream?
GLASS
Bout a thirty carat one.
CLARA
(puts on tiara, sings) A theme, a scheme, to make the whole world beam, a sparkling sight to
catch the light and wrap it in a dream.
(GLASS joins CLARA. They sing and dance.)
CLARA & GLASS
A theme to scheme and let the whole world beam, a sparkling sight to catch the light
and wrap it in a dream.
CLARA
(stops) Where?
GLASS
(stops) Where what?
CLARA
Where will I wear my „sparkling sight to catch the light‟? Here?
GLASS
„Here‟ here? What light might you catch in Drabsville?
CLARA
We don‟t even own a chandelier.
GLASS
Not here.
WISHES / 13
CLARA
Nowhere near.
GLASS
Oh, dear.
CLARA
I‟m all dressed up…
GLASS
...with no place to glow.
CLARA
No!
GLASS
No? No what? What no?
CLARA
No way I get a tiara and not a ball.
GLASS
Spoken like a princess.
CLARA
I need a scene to be seen.
GLASS
Somewhere fine to shine.
CLARA
Baby needs her glitter.
WISHES / 14
GLASS
Perfection‟s in the reflection.
CLARA
(sings) I shall go the source, the mouth of the horse.
GLASS
Of course, of course…who?
CLARA
Who loves me true, all the way, through and through? (points in mirror) Not you.
GLASS
Who me?
CLARA
Who you? Who me! (points at herself in mirror)
GLASS
I‟m a little bemused.
CLARA
Who loves me better than me?
GLASS
Confused.
CLARA
Better even than he or she?
GLASS
(sits) Okay, now I‟m woozy.
WISHES / 15
CLARA
Better than life?
GLASS
A husband? A wife?
CLARA
Close. The clue is in you.
GLASS
(head in hands) I may pass out.
CLARA
(grabs his hand) That is exactly what you‟re going to do.
GLASS
(pulls away) I‟ve never left the room.
CLARA
I‟ve never worn a crown. First time for everything.
GLASS
Tonight?
CLARA
A couple of dullards in search of the light. Mother and Father will make it right.
-- SCENE --
(Interlude music as CLARA and GLASS exit & move to royal chamber.)
WISHES / 16
ACT I SCENE 2
(Hand in hand, CLARA & GLASS enter the chamber of KING RUPERT & QUEEN
MILLICENT. The room is much like CLARA‟S, except there is a king-sized royal bed on
one side of the room, a throne on the other side. The QUEEN is on the throne knitting. The
king is in bed, snoozing.)
CLARA
(dragging GLASS) Mama! Mama! I‟ve wonderful news!
QUEEN MILLICENT
That‟s nice, dear.
CLARA
Where‟s father?
(On cue, a wondrous snore erupts from the royal person.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
Snoozing, of course, it‟s past his bedtime.
CLARA
(whispers) Beg pardon, Mama, I didn‟t realize.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Nonsense, my child, the hour is early. The nightingale‟s not yet sung. (looks sternly
offstage) I say, the nightingale‟s not yet sung.
(Sweet birdsong is heard offstage.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
And there‟s little need to whisper. Trumpets could not wake the man.
WISHES / 17
GLASS
Royal duties must be exhausting.
QUEEN MILLICENT
I dare say…have you brought your vanity, dear?
CLARA
A girl must always look her best.
QUEEN MILLICENT
I quite agree, child, we are pleased to see you taking care with your toilette.
GLASS
Did she call me a potty?
QUEEN MILLICENT
That tiara is new.
CLARA
It‟s my lifelong wish come true.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Don‟t believe I‟ve seen it before.
CLARA
Oh, mother, a little man -- well, elf, actually -- came to me in a puff of smoke and granted
me one wish (twirls) and here it is. Isn‟t it simply blinding?
QUEEN MILLICENT
Stunning, dear. Be sure to hide the bill from your father.
CLARA
Mu-ther! You‟re not listening.
WISHES / 18
QUEEN MILLICENT
Mother‟s always listening, love. Something about a little man…
CLARA
…an elf.
QUEEN MILLICENT
…in a plumed cloak…
CLARA
…a puff of smoke.
QUEEN MILLICENT
…granting your every wish.
CLARA
…just the one.
QUEEN MILLICENT
How lovely for you. There. (stands, holds up knitting) Come try this on, child.
CLARA
I want to have a ball, mother.
QUEEN MILLICENT
You don‟t know how it warms my heart to hear you speak that way. My practical one wants
to have fun. At last. What a simply charming idea! Slip into this frock and see what you
think.
(The dress is drab, a servant‟s garment, unfit for any ball. Reluctantly, CLARA styles it in
the mirror.)
GLASS
I won‟t be a party to this.
WISHES / 19
CLARA
Mu-ther, it just won‟t do.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Not as is, child, that much we knew. You don‟t have a figure that clothes simply drape upon.
Not like (CLARA & GLASS mouth it with her) Rose White. Yours is a…sturdy frame, a
hardy…
CLARA
One more word and I‟m back in my room.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Dearest, I‟ve never known you to be so sensitive.
CLARA
Oh yes. Let‟s send the practical one got back to her chores, while you and Rose White have
your ball. (flips tiara to GLASS)
QUEEN MILLICENT
(grabs tiara, puts it on CLARA‟S head) I am here for you in all ways, my child. If you do not
deem this frock suitable…
CLARA
It sucks.
QUEEN MILLICENT
I shall take that as a nay.
(GLASS turns thumbs down and gives raspberries.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
Clean your glass, dear, it‟s dripping. (CLARA does so) That‟s an end of the matter.
(QUEEN lowers her voice) You must have a new frock made for the ball. Simple as that.
WISHES / 20
(KING erupts in a ferocious snort and stirs.)
GLASS
You said trumpets couldn‟t wake him.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Money‟s another matter.
CLARA
There was no mention of money.
QUEEN MILLICENT
One sniff is all he needs. His spending sense is acute.
(RUPERT erupts again.)
GLASS
I take your word.
(KING RUPERT rises from his bed.)
KING RUPERT
Morning, love.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Tis evening, dear.
KING RUPERT
Are you sure?
(The nightingale is heard offstage.)
KING RUPERT
Right, as ever, love.
WISHES / 21
QUEEN MILLICENT
Did you sleep well?
KING RUPERT
I had a dream.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Oh dear.
KING RUPERT
A wonderful dream: I was hunting.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Now, dear.
KING RUPERT
Well, I was. A great goose came across the sky.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Goose is too fatty, you know that quite well.
KING RUPERT
Bow raised, I took aim in a state of great agitation. My hand shook, as did my quiver.
GLASS
Your quiver was aquiver, sire?
QUEEN MILLICENT
No more mead before bed, I‟m afraid.
KING RUPERT
I let fly…with a miss.
(Nightingale sound.)
WISHES / 22
GLASS
Bummer.
KING RUPERT
I lowered my bow in disappointment. Most disturbing.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Honestly, when will you learn? Warm goat‟s milk wards off such fancies.
KING RUPERT
A man likes to hunt, if only in his dreams.
CLARA
I‟m sorry to see you upset, father.
KING RUPERT
Clara, you look so…sparkly. (sniffs) Is something new?
CLARA
It‟s my tiara…
QUEEN MILLICENT
A gift! From an elf. Isn‟t it splendid?
KING RUPERT
Quite regal.
CLARA
Far too fancy for this old frock.
KING RUPERT
Lovely frock. (sniffs) Perfectly fine. (sniffs) What‟s wrong with it?
WISHES / 23
CLARA
Be serious, father, it‟s a rag -- not that mother doesn‟t do her best.
KING RUPERT
Indeed she does. (sniffs) Damned proud of mother‟s needlework.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Rupert!
KING RUPERT
Well, I am. She knit this nightshirt for me. (flashes his royal jammies with „KR‟ on the
chest)
GLASS
Jammin‟ jammies, majesty.
CLARA
They‟re, uh, lovely, father.
KING RUPERT
Course they are.
CLARA
But this (twirls) will never do for a ball.
KING RUPERT
(sniffs) Did she say a ball?
CLARA
(sings) A ball. A ball. A ball for one, and all. A big bouncy, swishy flouncy beautiful ball.
Which I‟ll be the belle of, having one helluva time in the hall.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Clara.
WISHES / 24
CLARA
Well, I will -- won‟t I, father?
KING RUPERT
(sniffing furiously) Now, dear, it‟s a lovely idea, I just don‟t know…
GLASS
His majesty dislikes balls?
QUEEN MILLICENT
Nonsense. A ball is a splendid idea. Just what the girls need to fetch some charming suitors
to the castle. High time, I‟d say.
KING RUPERT
For what?
QUEEN MILLICENT
To pull that sleepy head from the sand, my love. Your daughters are no longer little girls.
KING RUPERT
Course they are. (chucks CLARA‟S chin) Always be my clucky ducks.
CLARA
Daddy, your duckies are grown. (twirls, flaps arms) Ready to feather nests of their own. To
hatch a batch…
QUEEN MILLICENT
…that‟s enough bird droppings…for want of a better term.
(The nightingale chirps.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
Quite enough.
WISHES / 25
(The bird stops.)
CLARA
The ball isn‟t just for me, father.
QUEEN MILLICENT
It‟s for all of your daughters, dear.
KING RUPERT
All? (sniff)
CLARA
We each get a wish, a dream come true, one special something or other.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Courtesy of the elf, elves -- is it one elf or several, Clara?
CLARA
He said he was with the union.
KING RUPERT
Don‟t like the sound of that.
QUEEN MILLICENT
And each sister gets a splendid present…absolutely free!
KING RUPERT
Like the sound of that. The other girls gotten theirs yet?
QUEEN MILLICENT
I‟m sure I don‟t know, dear, but wouldn‟t they be here if they had?
CLARA
Parading in front of my mirror, showing off, as they do.
WISHES / 26
QUEEN MILLICENT
Clara, for shame, to speak of your sisters so.
CLARA
You know it‟s true, mother.
QUEEN MILLICENT
I know you‟re of royal blood and meant to behave as such.
CLARA
But…
QUEEN MILLICENT
Regal in every way.
CLARA
Yes, mother.
KING RUPERT
Heed your mother‟s counsel, child. Be ruled by her gentle wisdom. (sniffs) Now, the
question of a ball…
QUEEN MILLICENT
…is settled. Ten days hence, on the Feast of Saint Hedwig, before winter begins to blow.
Word shall be sent throughout the land bidding our best and brightest…
CLARA
(twirls)…and dreamiest.
QUEEN MILLICENT
…and dreamiest lords and ladies to partake of our warmth within.
KING RUPERT
Glad that‟s settled. If there‟s no further business…
WISHES / 27
QUEEN MILLICENT
Get some rest, dear. Shall I warm the goat‟s milk?
KING RUPERT
NO…no. Not necessary. (yawns) I‟m halfway to dreamland already. (lies down)
GLASS
Happy hunting, sire.
QUEEN MILLICENT
To business. We shall have the royal seamstress in to fit Clara for a brand new ball gown.
CLARA
(sings & dances) A gown all my own will be sown for the eve of all eves, the night of my
life, when -- who knows? -- I may meet the knight of my life to take me to wife.
GLASS
That‟s some gown.
CLARA
(sings) Crushed royal velvet in a lush fold to the ground, with a sash of -- gold, I think --
circling me round, as I waltz cross the hall, with a flash of my crown…
GLASS
She means tiara, but it doesn‟t rhyme.
QUEEN MILLICENT
You‟ll be a regal vision, all my daughters will, parading in their best plumage.
CLARA
So long as my feathers are brightest.
WISHES / 28
QUEEN MILLICENT
Now, Clara.
CLARA
I mean it, mother. You know Malicia. Her frock must always be finest, far back as our cradle
days. Why, her dolls would only wear silk!
GLASS
Oh, it‟s true, it‟s true. She‟d sit in front of me by the hour with those precious little
princesses…you were so jealous. (CLARA gives GLASS a glare) You were.
QUEEN MILLICENT
(chuckles) She was always particular.
CLARA
She‟s a clothes horse!
(GLASS preens around the chamber, neighing.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
I don‟t care for that term.
CLARA
(sings) I don‟t care what I wear…so long as its glare captivates the room, pierces the party
gloom -- possibly the groom? My gown must be brightest, shimmering through this night of
all nightests.
GLASS
Now she‟s just reaching.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Your gown will be radiant, dear…now what for Rose White to wear?
WISHES / 29
GLASS
Any old thing will do.
(CLARA glares at GLASS)
GLASS
Well, it‟s true.
CLARA
(sings, dances) She‟s so pretty…it‟s so shitty… (glare from MILLICENT)…her porcelain
skin is clearly a sin the way that it stays so pure. So wholesome and more…the shiny…
QUEEN MILLICENT
Unblemished.
GLASS
Resplendent, really.
(CLARA glares)
QUEEN MILLICENT & GLASS
Well, it is.
CLARA
Have you heard of these new pocket mirrors, mother, a girl simply carries about with her?
QUEEN MILLICENT
Really?
CLARA
No longer a need for these clumsy upright glasses always in one‟s way.
WISHES / 30
QUEEN MILLICENT
Sounds amazing.
CLARA
And so handy, I would imagine. (mimes putting mirror in pocket) PLOP. In it goes. No
muss, no fuss -- and NO back talk.
QUEEN MILLICENT
What will they think of next?
GLASS
Peasants uprising against royalty? (both glare at GLASS) What‟s that, Malicia, you‟ve need
of me? Duty calls, and your faithful servant answers. Ta.
CLARA
You‟ve never been in Malicia‟s room.
GLASS
Her glass shattered last eve. (GLASS shivers) Overuse.
CLARA
Poor dear.
GLASS
(sighs) I‟ll most likely be fine.
CLARA
I was thinking of the broken glass.
GLASS
As was I. (bows) Farewell, Majesty. (EXITS)
-- SCENE --
(Interlude music as GLASS stumbles to MALICIA‟S chamber.)
WISHES / 31
ACT II
SCENE 1
(MALICIA‟S chamber, a room remarkably like CLARA‟S but for the clothes: frocks here,
ribbons there, hats and scarves and shoes, shoes, shoes…everywhere! MALICIA stands
before a shattered mirror holding a dress up and sighing.)
GLASS
Bad luck.
MALICIA
Oh, I hope not! Is my coloring wrong?
GLASS
YOU seem to be fine. Your glass, alas…
MALICIA
A tragedy, is it not?
(GLASS touches a shard and sighs audibly.)
GLASS
Nothing less, m‟lady.
MALICIA
Now where shall I see myself? (moves around trying to see her dress in the shattered mirror,
happens upon her reflection in GLASS) Yes, yes. That‟s good. (spins) That‟s very good. I
like this image. (sings) So full of myself. Like a shelf I‟ve been put on and taken down from.
Same face, same name, same little girl game, (spins) a dolly all dressed for party time. For
cheese and wine. (looks at dress in mirror, tosses it aside) Not quite.
WISHES / 32
GLASS
The royal seamstress hastens this way to stitch you into heavenly splendor.
MALICIA
Says who? Whom?
GLASS
One of those two.
MALICIA
(in the mirror‟s face) Where‟d you get your info, slick?
GLASS
I have eyes.
MALICIA
And a nose -- (she takes hold of it) but not for long if I don‟t find the source of your sniffing
this instant.
GLASS
The Queen commands.
(MALCIA releases GLASS‟ nose. He whimpers and rubs it.)
MALICIA
So she does. (sings) Mommy will make it right. I shall have my heart‟s delight, a gown that
is new, and so fair that it matches my hair and shoes, shimmering gold, flashing blue,
declaring a princess through and through…doesn‟t that sound delightful?
GLASS
(curtsies) Yes, m‟lady.
MALICIA
I think so, too.
WISHES / 33
GLASS
(aside) It‟s the shoes.
MALICIA
Say again?
GLASS
A tickle, m‟lady. (coughs) Caught in the throat.
MALICIA
(catches him by the throat) Like this?
GLASS
Remarkably.
MALICIA
(sings) In this place, we speak face to face, loud and clear, for all to hear. Man to man, my
dear. (GLASS starts to respond, MALICIA shakes him) But only when spoken to.
You‟ve got that, haven‟t you? (GLASS nods) Now. Say again your remark about my attire. I
grant thee leave to speak. (shakes him again) NOW, you geek!
(The puff of smoke clears to a little man in a stylish purple robe, a conical hat,
large black horn rim glasses, and an enormous pair of scissors.)
MR. SNIPS
He said it‟s zee shoes.
MALICIA
(releases GLASS) Who the devil are you?
MR. SNIPS
Be nice. (snips scissors at her) Sugar and spice…what has mama taught you?
WISHES / 34
MALICIA
To be a princess…
GLASS
…through and through. (coughs)
MR. SNIPS
(adjusts glasses) I see, I see.
MALICIA
(in his face) Do you?
MR. SNIPS
(snip) Is she always zis disagreeable?
(GLASS coughs, doesn‟t speak.)
MALICIA
You must be her assistant.
MR. SNIPS
Pardon?
MALICIA
The Royal Seamstress, you must be her cutter.
MR. SNIPS
YOU must be high. Zat bag of rags couldn‟t carry my scissors. Not now, not ever.
MALICIA
Where is she?
MR. SNIPS
Detained by zee fashion police?
WISHES / 35
(GLASS smothers his laugh in a cough.)
MR. SNIPS
Him I like.
MALICIA
Who, I repeat, are you?
MR. SNIPS
(courtly bow) Monsieur Ciseaux…Mister, how you say, Scissors in your tongue.
(MALICIA & GLASS gasp.)
MALICIA
Mister…
GLASS
…Snips.
MR. SNIPS
(snip) C‟est moi.
MALICIA
No way.
MR. SNIPS
Mais oui…way.
GLASS
You‟re a legend, a whisper across the salon, a hint of color, a dash of fabric, a click of your
scissors…and beauty is born!
MR.SNIPS
You are too kind.
WISHES / 36
MALICIA
Mr. Snips is a myth.
MR. SNIPS
Sharp tongues have wagged zat way before. Never more than once, you may be sure. (snips
at the sash of her gown) Before you‟re reduced to rags - and I may already be too late - we
have beezness to attend.
MALICIA
I don‟t…
MR. SNIPS
And wouldn‟t, were it within my power. I have a contract, alas -- and you a weesh to make.
C‟est la vie. (snip)
MALICIA
A wish?
MR. SNIPS
Oui.
MALICIA
My every heart‟s desire?
MR. SNIPS
Oui oui.
MALICIA
All the joys and toys my hope chest can hold?
MR. SNIPS
Non.
MALICIA
Non?
WISHES / 37
MR. SNIPS
Joy, you may have in endless measure. Toys, one to a customer. Je regret. Company policy.
MALICIA
This have something to do with my sisters?
MR. SNIPS
Oui.
MALICIA
Those nasty bit…
GLASS
…bits of bitterness shatter more sharply than shards of glass. (looks at himself in mirror)
Where‟d that come from?
MALICIA
Such depths from one so shallow.
MR. SNIPS
Tres interessant.
MALICIA
If it‟s not about me…(stares hard at GLASS)…it‟s not interesting.
GLASS
So they say.
MALICIA
Who?
GLASS
They. Them. The others…does it really matter?
WISHES / 38
MR. SNIPS
Not in the slightest to moi. (snips at MALICIA‟s gown) To beezness. Time is fabric. There‟s
little to spare. (snips again)
MALICIA
And less and less dress to wear. (spins away from MR. SNIPS‟ clips) Would you leave me
in rags, four-eyes?
MR. SNIPS
A fate I would spare you, ma chere. (snips)
GLASS
(hands over eyes, fingers open) I can‟t look.
MALICIA
(clutching frock) This better be good.
MR. SNIPS
Your life ees a rag-bag, girl. Have you ever worn a dress zat made you happy? I mean
ecstatic? A frock in which you felt beautiful? Radiant? Glorious? Prettier than your sister?
MALICIA
Which one?
MR. SNIPS
Oh, I think we know which one.
GLASS & MALICIA & MR. SNIPS
Rose Red.
MALICIA
(spins & sings as MR. SNIPS spins after) A shade that has haunted me, hounded my youth.
That shadow so bright, shining at night, her skin with its glow so rosy and flush. She‟s
perpetual blush. The eternal blot on my complexion. Ruby red lips I‟d like to…
WISHES / 39
GLASS
Kiss?
MALICIA
(smacks her fist & sings) Smack on her apple pie smile, (smack) pop in her pearly white
choppers, (tug) tug at her raven tresses til all of the messes she‟s ever made can‟t compare.
(jab combo) Teeth, lips, and hair tumbling down from that tower of loveliness (hands over
head like prize fighter) to a puddle of pug ugly all over the common ground.
GLASS
(counts „her‟ out, holds up MALICIA‟S hand) Rose Red is dead! All hail the new beauty,
Princess Malicia!
MR. SNIPS
Not yet, my pet. (snips) But soon.
MALICIA
How soon?
MR. SNIPS
As soon as you make zee weesh.
MALICIA
For a frock?
MR. SNIPS
I accept your cry for help, mais, where oh where, to begin?
(MALICIA goes to closet and starts tossing frocks on the bed.)
MR. SNIPS
Oh, zees is just sad. Rags! Rags! Rags! (sighs) Not a moment to lose.
WISHES / 40
MALICIA
How do we choose?
MR. SNIPS
From zis sad lot? Don‟t make me laugh.
(MR. SNIPS laughs, stops. GLASS laughs, stops.)
MR. SNIPS
Zis toilette belongs in zee toilet.
MALICIA
We get the point already, Snips. So, where do we go from here?
MR. SNIPS
You needn‟t fear. My vision is clear.
MALICIA
(in his face) Listen to me, you little q...
(MR. SNIPS snips off the rest of her sash.)
MR. SNIPS
From zees rubble of rags. (snips) zis mountain of fluff, (snips) we shall fashion a garment to
blind zee eyes,(snips) dumb the tongue, (snips) and stop zee heart.
GLASS
Is that good?
MR. SNIPS
(attacks the frocks on the bed) C‟est magnifique!
WISHES / 41
[AUTHOR‟S NOTE: „The Dance of the Fabric‟ -- a mad pas de trois about the stage
with fabric thrown everywhere, scissors snipping, GLASS whirling, midst a sea of color -- is
suggested here.]
MALICIA
(dancing & fleeing) This is how you create?
GLASS
Never question genius.
MALICIA
Not with sharp objects. Running with scissors -- is that professional?
GLASS
Is it safe?
MR. SNIPS
Eet‟s fun! (snips a piece of MALICIA‟S frock)
MALICIA
It‟s mad!
GLASS
She meant…whimsical.
(MALICIA dashes behind the Japanese screen.)
MALICIA
I meant crazed and dangerous like this four-eyed, under-sized loon!
GLASS
No need to stoop…
MR. SNIPS
Was zat a height crack?
WISHES / 42
GLASS
Was that a glass crack?
MALICIA
Call in the guards!
GLASS
They never come. You shout all the time. They don‟t listen to you.
(MALICIA peeks out, gives him a look.)
GLASS
It‟s true.
MR. SNIPS
Ze world eez awash in drama queens. You have a weesh and I a contract. Come now and
embrace a dream.
(MALICIA appears in a radiant gown that dazzles and catches the lights.)
MALICIA
I feel…
GLASS
Adorable.
MR. SNIPS
Chic.
GLASS
Pretty.
MR. SNIPS
Charmant.
WISHES / 43
MALICIA
(sings) …FREE! This is me. Cut loose from the noose of fashion. Not longer the one
running after a little more dash…shoes that don‟t match…a shade that won‟t clash…
All my time spent assembling a look I‟m too spent to face when party time comes. I‟m left
numb.
MR. SNIPS
C‟est vrai.
GLASS
Too true.
MR. SNIPS
A very sad story.
GLASS
Dumb one, too.
(MALICIA shots GLASS a glare.)
MALICIA
(sings) That ain‟t me no more.
MR. SNIPS
Quelle grammar.
GLASS
(whispers) I think she‟s dead.
MALICIA
I‟ve opened the door to absolute fun. Just me in the lights (spins) passing golden nights with
no care for foolish accessories…or even the bare necessities.
WISHES / 44
MR. SNIPS
Did that rhyme?
GLASS
At one time.
MALICIA
Waltzing the magical night away in the arms of my prince (hugs herself and sways) in this
skin I live in. Everafter.
MR. SNIPS
Zee belle of zee ball.
GLASS
Fairest of all.
MR. SNIPS
C‟est fini for me, mes enfants. Au revoir.
(A snip of scissors, a puff of smoke, and SNIPS is history.)
GLASS
(bats at the smoke) Second-hand smoke, anyone?
MALICIA
How can I see me if you don‟t stop squirming?
GLASS
That a rhetorical question?
MALICIA
I need shoes, and gloves, and of course a bag…I lied about the accessories.
WISHES / 45
GLASS
I know.
MALICIA
These stitches will knock those other bitches (jab) right down to ugly town. POW!
GLASS
(sighs) Our little girl is growing up.
MALICIA
Mother, look at my pretty dress!
(Interlude music as MALICIA dashes off, GLASS trailing, to the royal chamber.)
WISHES / 46
ACT II SCENE 2
(MALICIA dashes to the royal chamber to present herself - and finds her mother admiring
CLARA‟S crown, as KING RUPERT royally snoozes. GLASS trails behind, clutching a
handful of glass.)
MALICIA
(spins) What say thee, m‟lady?
QUEEN MILLICENT
Glass, where have you been? No matter. You‟re here. Come give Clara a better look…are
those shards? You‟ve not shattered yourself?
(GLASS empties his hand with a tinkle.)
GLASS
Alas, m‟lady, tis another.
QUEEN MILLICENT
That‟s a relief. Last thing we need is a prickly floor, what with dancing lessons this
afternoon.
GLASS
Then might we grind him from dust (sprinkle, tinkle) to dust.
CLARA
Do stop being morbid and catch my glimmer.
MALICIA
(spins) Watching me sparkle‟s a better reflection - wouldn‟t you say so, mother?
QUEEN MILLICENT
How‟s that, Mal? My mind‟s…
WISHES / 47
MALICIA
(stamps foot) LOOK AT ME WHEN I‟M PREENING!
QUEEN MILLICENT
Has a princess missed her nap?
(RUPERT snorts and stirs.)
CLARA
She‟s gone and awakened father.
QUEEN MILLICENT
That was an early salvo.
CLARA
He hasn‟t started sniffing.
MALICIA
Wait‟ll he gets a whiff of this. (fans her skirt and spins)
QUEEN MILLICENT
(knits) That‟s a lovely gown, child - you haven‟t changed frocks just for dancing class, have
you?
MALICIA
Mr. Snips made it for me.
QUEEN MILLICENT
That‟s a fashion myth, dear.
MALICIA
He was sitting right here!
WISHES / 48
GLASS
It was pretty clear.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Where is he, then?
MALICIA
Gone in a puff of smoke.
CLARA
A wee man?
MALICIA
In a long cloak?
CLARA
Wearing no hat?
MALICIA
A wizard‟s cap and big black glasses?
CLARA
Don‟t remember that.
MALICIA
Spoke a lot of French.
CLARA
He was Greek to me.
MALICIA & CLARA
Not the same guy.
WISHES / 49
GLASS
Perhaps the same union?
(Sisters begin to circle each other like wrestlers.)
MALICIA
Beautiful crown.
CLARA
Incredible dress.
MALICIA
It suits my eyes.
CLARA
It favors me best.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Ladies.
MALICIA
I need a tiara!
CLARA
I must have a gown!
QUEEN MIILICENT
The Royal Seamstress…
CLARA
That cow couldn‟t sew troll‟s eyes.
QUEEN MILLICENT
(stops knitting) There, now I‟ve dropped a stitch.
WISHES / 50
CLARA
She might make you a first-rate crown.
MALICIA
Already got my eye on one.
(They move toward each other.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
ENOUGH!
(With a snort, RUPERT‟S up.)
KING RUPERT
Evening, my dears.
MALICIA
Try again, father, tis afternoon when the meadowlark sings. (pause) I said TIS
AFTERNOON… (hands on hips, stares)…WHEN THE MEADOWLARK
SINGS.
(Nothing. MILLICENT looks up from her knitting and the LARK is heard twittering.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
It takes time, child.
KING RUPERT
Have I had a nap then?
QUEEN MILLICENT
Very nearly, dear.
KING RUPERT
(stretches) Still groggy from the hunt, I expect. (ladies all groan) This was big game and
very taxing.
WISHES / 51
MALICIA
Your subjects will be thrilled.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Don‟t tease your father when he‟s dreaming.
MALICIA
When is he not?
KING RUPERT
True for you, my child. Tis endless business this search for the perfect bird. (sighs)
Wearying to the noblest hunter.
GLASS
Was it a big bird, sire?
QUEEN MILLICENT
A partridge?
MALICIA
A pheasant?
CLARA
A peacock?
(KING RUPERT stretches his hand and CLARA walks over to get her chin chucked.)
KING RUPERT
Duckie, Papa would never shoot such a pretty bird -- though his one had beauty, fierce as it
was.
MALICIA
Were you scared?
WISHES / 52
KING RUPERT
Its wings beat above me like clouds across the sun, a dark shadow of itself, I pursued even as
it plunged, talons bared at my throat, deep screeches sounding through me, the beak looming
larger and larger…
(GLASS leaps behind KING‟S bed.)
GLASS
Mommy, I‟m scared!
KING RUPERT
Bit daunting, to be sure - but I plucked myself up and returned to the fray. Drawing a breath
with my bow, I let fly a brave arrow, straight and true.
MALICIA
Brought him down, did it?
KING RUPERT
Ate it up, feathers and all. Swallowed it in a gulp and kept coming.
CLARA
Oh, oh.
KING RUPERT
I sensed the grimness before me. Shaft after shaft I loosed…to no avail. It kept coming.
Closer and closer. Larger and larger. Twas upon me (grabs his own throat), as I seized its
gullet and we grappled and tumbled, round and round, (tumbles on bed), not knowing the
hunter from the prey, the dancer from the dance.
MILLICENT & CLARA & MALICIA
What happened?
KING RUPERT
I awoke with a dry tickling in my mouth.
WISHES / 53
(GLASS appears from behind the bed with a pillow of bursting feathers.)
GLASS
Behold the foul creature.
QUEEN MILLICENT
RUPERT! Not again.
MALICIA
I‟d say he put up a fierce fight.
(GLASS brings the pillow to MILLICENT.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
I imagine it might be rewoven. (sighs & sews)
KING RUPERT
(sniffs) That‟s a bright frock your mother has made you.
QUEEN MILLICENT
A fabulous gift from Malicia‟s elf.
KING RUPERT
(sniffs) Same fella that hands out crowns?
MALICIA
Mr. Snips himself has fashioned this creation.
KING RUPERT
Makes dresses and crowns, does he then? (sniffs) Some kind of tiny tinker?
MALICIA
I DO NOT SHARE AN ELF WITH MY SISTER!
WISHES / 54
QUEEN MILLICENT
Have we taught these children nothing?
KING RUPERT
How many of these elves are there? And what the deuce are they up to?
QUEEN MILLICENT
They grant wishes and bestow lovely gifts on deserving princesses.
KING RUPERT
(sniffs) What kind of commerce is that? No trade? No barter? No tit for tat. (sniffs) You
should pardon the expression. (sniffs) Goods must be paid for, one way or another. We are
not living in some fairytale. What do these people want in return, I wonder.
MALICIA & CLARA
Just to see us happy.
KING RUPERT
(sniffs) That doesn‟t make any sense.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Beg pardon?
KING RUPERT
(sniffs) It‟s just not a workable system. No profit for labor? No wage for the earner? (sniffs
furiously) Smells a lot like…
(MILLICENT tosses the sewn pillow at RUPERT.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
…goat‟s milk, your majesty?
KING RUPERT
(falls back on it) Eyelids are soooo heavy. (snores)
WISHES / 55
(GLASS picks a feather from RUPERT‟S nose.)
GLASS
The king is plucked clean, majesty.
(RUPERT snorts.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
Chose your words wisely, Glass.
CLARA
Is my tiara still shiny?
MALICIA
I can‟t see myself!
CLARA & MALICIA
We NEED a clear reflection!
GLASS
Don‟t look at me. (the girls drag him by the arms center stage, they preen)
QUEEN MILLICENT
My daughters are radiant, if I do say so. What prince would not swoon at such beauty. All
we lack for a ball is…
GLASS & MALICIA & CLARA
Rose White.
MALICIA
Do we really, mother?
CLARA
She needn‟t know.
WISHES / 56
MALICIA
I‟d never tell her.
CLARA
Some things are best unsaid.
QUEEN MILLICENT
I quite agree.
CLARA
(sings) I just need you.
MALICIA
(sings) You just need me…I mean, I need you, too.
MALICIA & CLARA
(sings) But two is all we need. Agreed? (shake)
CLARA
(sings) Your frock has got to be a hit. Can‟t miss on such a dainty miss.
MALICIA
(sings) Your crown will clearly knock them down. You wear it with such pride.
CLARA
(sings, strides, princess-fashion) The trick is that you glide.
MALICIA
(sings) And take it all in stride.
MALICIA & CLARA
(sing) Without a thing to hide. Side by side by side.
MALICIA
That may be one side too many.
WISHES / 57
QUEEN MILLICENT
All of my daughters at a ball. One and ALL. A mother‟s fondest wish. Won‟t that be
wonderful?
MALICIA & CLARA & GLASS
Yes, mother.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Scurry now, Glass. Rose White has need of thee. Her glass has shattered, as well. What can
be the cause of such breakage?
(MALICIA & CLARA preen before GLASS)
MALICIA & CLARA
I‟m sure I don‟t know, mama.
QUEEN MILLICENT
Craftsmanship, it‟s not what it was.
(MALICIA & CLARA elbowing each other aside.)
MALICIA & CLARA
Too true, mama, too true.
(KING RUPERT snores and sniffs.)
QUEEN MILLICENT
Away, fond reflection, to our youngest one. Bath her in softest light.
MALICIA & CLARA & GLASS
Like she needs it.
(Interlude music as GLASS enters ROSE WHITE‟S chamber.)
WISHES / 58
ACT III
SCENE 1
(GLASS enters ROSE WHITE‟S chamber, a match for her sisters‟, minus any sign of
female fashion: no dresses, scarves, sashes, or bows…no shoes! Her garment is simple as
she peers down at her shattered reflection.)
ROSE
Poor glass to be shattered so. (sings) It should have been me. You were but a reflection of
vanity. (grabs GLASS and dances, sings) Me, me, me…is that all we can see? So lost in
ourselves there‟s no other?
GLASS
(huffing) Is this rhetorical?
ROSE
(poking GLASS‟S midsection) Is there no room for family: my sisters, my father, my
mother?
GLASS
That tickles.
ROSE
It pains me to see myself standing and staring my whole life at no other. When did I get so
selfish?
(GLASS quits dancing, flops on bed.)
GLASS
Wait, it gets better.
WISHES / 59
ROSE
At times, you can be so opaque.
GLASS
Thank you.
ROSE
Won‟t you please speak to me?
(GLASS turns away)
GLASS
I‟m just a reflection.
ROSE
Dear Glass…
GLASS
Shards of oneself.
ROSE
Glass…
GLASS (turns, sighs)
Damn those blue eyes, softly beseeching. What element could resist?
ROSE
Speak.
GLASS (rote)
Three wishes are granted, one to each sister, the bounty displayed at a
royal ball come St. Hedwig‟s Day by decree of the queen. Clara claims a tiara,
Malicia a gown, your turn…
WISHES / 60
(A puff and FARNEY‟S back.)
FARNEY
Is next. (to GLASS) Not bad, kid. Yer getting pithier.
GLASS
Not touching that one.
FARNEY
Like I said.
ROSE
Beg pardon?
FARNEY
Same deal.
ROSE
Beg…
FARNEY
Beg all ya want, sister, the deal is the same. One wish to a sister. Union rules.
GLASS
Xnay on the oonionay. He sniffs it in his sleep.
FARNEY
Fer a minute there, you wuz making sense. (looks at his watch) Anyhoo…
GLASS
We know, we know. Five minute time limit.
ROSE
Any wish I wish?
WISHES / 61
FARNEY
Geez…
GLASS
(jumps around) You said, you said! I heard you say it twice!
FARNEY
He on somethin?
ROSE
(whispers) Had a shattering experience.
FARNEY
Might wanta dial back his dosage.
GLASS
There is only one wish (prancing) but it‟s any wish you wish!
ROSE
Oh my.
GLASS
It‟s all you. Make it come true.
ROSE
I just don‟t know. Can it be so?
GLASS
Oh, it be so and so. (glares at FARNEY) Show us the packing order.
FARNEY
(sighs) Look…
WISHES / 62
GLASS
We‟d very much like to. The receipt, if you please.
FARNEY
Listen…
GLASS
Toss in a „Stop‟, and we got the cautions covered. The packing order, if you please.
(FARNEY pulls out packing order, hands it to GLASS.)
GLASS
(reads) Kingdom of Cob, Beautiful Sister: one wish. Right there, pen and parchment,
clear as day.
ROSE
Anything? (sings) However large (spins) or small?
FARNEY
Here we go.
GLASS
(spins) You can have it all!
FARNEY
Why not order up yer own castle?
GLASS
We can do that?
FARNEY
Got the whole room to yourself.
WISHES / 63
ROSE
(stops) All alone?
GLASS
On a throne?
FARNEY
The hell with them other schmucks!
GLASS
No one to bow down?
ROSE
Not a soul around?
FARNEY
Fairest of them all, guaranteed.
GLASS
If Clare won‟t be there, guess you get the crown.
FARNEY
Least he stopped saying tiara.
GLASS
And the gown (spins) will flow about you in soft radiance.
FARNEY
Lotsa room to dance.
GLASS
(in full flight) Without Malicia, you might get the chance.
ROSE
What‟s a ball without a prince?
WISHES / 64
FARNEY
See yerself from every angle. (points to GLASS) No shadows in the way.
GLASS
We try to avoid the glare.
FARNEY
There ya go.
ROSE
Dancing in an empty hall?
FARNEY
Now yer getting the picture.
ROSE
(spins, sings) All alone at the ball?
GLASS
(spins with her) I‟m with you every step of the way!
FARNEY
Don‟t get no better.
ROSE
(stops) It better.
GLASS
(stops, curtsies) M‟lady.
ROSE
Up!
WISHES / 65
(GLASS looks up.)
ROSE
Rise!
(GLASS stands.)
ROSE
Enough!
FARNEY
No such thing.
ROSE
Beg…what do you mean?
FARNEY
Enough is never enough fer you people.
ROSE
We people? Which people would that be?
FARNEY
Royals.
GLASS
(bows) The regal ‟we‟.
ROSE
There is no „we” in all alone.
FARNEY
Nobody to „nudge‟ off the throne.
WISHES / 66
(GLASS gives hip bump)
ROSE
I just want to have a ball.
FARNEY
Don‟t we all?
ROSE
(sings) A bright, shiny room full of love.
FARNEY
I don‟t follow.
(ROSE circles FARNEY as she sings.)
ROSE
A call from the heart. A place where we warm to each other.
FARNEY
Ya want a giant hearth?
ROSE
If we look to each other (dances up to GLASS) instead of ourselves for a change, perhaps we can
change, not just see strangers in the glass.(dances away)
FARNEY
(to GLASS) You gettin this?
GLASS
Not a bit. (dances joyfully)
WISHES / 67
ROSE
I want to hold hands and dance with my sisters!
FARNEY
She one a your tribe?
ROSE
Perhaps a prince or two.
FARNEY
And a buckle for your shiny shoe?
ROSE
No shoes, no hose…no more talk of clothes!
FARNEY
Ya got something else in mind?
ROSE
A room full of melodious tones as we dance hand in hand (grabs GLASS by the hands) round and
round til the sound overwhelms us with joy!
FARNEY
Ya want a big band.
ROSE
Lovely tunes, to be sure, (dances) but good spirits to move us across the floor!
FARNEY
I don‟t dispense spirits, nor stimulants of any kind. Union rules.
ROSE
(stops) Are you obtuse…or just thick?
WISHES / 68
GLASS
Could be a trick.
FARNEY
(shakes head) Ya lost me.
ROSE
I require no material gift, no manifestation of power or wealth. (sings) No crowns or gowns, no
bows or hose, no shiny outfit of any kind. I just want my sisters and I to love one another. I wish, I
wish, you don‟t know how much, for us all to be perfect princesses, thoughtful in all of our deeds.
Caring for each sister‟s needs. Loving in every way for the rest of our days!
FARNEY
You don‟t want much.
ROSE
Tis my fondest wish.
FARNEY
You wish.
ROSE
(spins) I do, I do I do!
GLASS
Catchy phrase.
FARNEY
Can‟t do it.
ROSE
(stops) Why not?
WISHES / 69
FARNEY
What you want I ain‟t got.
GLASS
Oh no!
ROSE
How so?
FARNEY
Lissen, sister, I think yer terrific, I truly do. (stops) I‟m talkin like you.
ROSE
I‟m listening.
FARNEY
Yer wish can‟t be made in no factory.
GLASS
I disagree. (both look at him) Keeping time with the rhyme.
ROSE
You said any wish that I wish.
FARNEY
Wish I could fulfill yer wish. (sighs) Never said that before.
(GLASS pulls out packing order.)
FARNEY
Ya kin stuff that right back where it was.
GLASS
This is a broken contract.
WISHES / 70
FARNEY
Sue me. (smiles) Said that before. Ask for a castle, a kingdom, a dragon, you got it! We pride
ourselves on our versatility. You want something we can‟t give. Nobody else can. (touches chest)
Comes from within. You already got what you wish for: love of yer fellow man and woman.
(glance at GLASS) OR anything in between.
ROSE
I got my wish?
FARNEY
Had it all along.
GLASS
(skips) We got it, we got it, we…had it? Wait a shyster second. (pulls out packing order)
ROSE
I see what he means. (sings) With love in my heart, this world is a most welcome place. A smile
upon every face that I face. Truly a beautiful realm.
GLASS
(pouts) Thought we were gonna make an entrance.
ROSE
(sings) The most radiant you‟ve ever seen. (spins around GLASS) All those frowns turned upside
down. Think of the sheen!
GLASS
Still say he owes us a wish.
ROSE
TISH.
WISHES / 71
GLASS
A term I‟m unfamiliar with.
ROSE
I‟ve gotten the greatest gift of all, a sense of who I am, and what to do. Tis I owe you.
FARNEY
Nah.
ROSE
I truly do. Because of you, I‟m bursting with love and ready to spread it all over the ball!
GLASS
Sounds messy.
FARNEY
Sister, yer one of a kind. Yer kind. Been a pleasure meetin you. (sticks hand out) Fact is, I‟d like to
shake yer hand…(pulls back)…but I can‟t.
GLASS & ROSE
Union rules.
FARNEY
But Elf First Class Farney‟ll always be at yer service.
(ROSE rushes to him, kisses his cheek)
FARNEY
At‟ll cost me back at the factory. (smiles) What the hell.
(A puff of smoke and FARNEY‟S gone.)
WISHES / 72
GLASS
I thought he‟d never leave.
(Trumpets sound.)
ROSE
Can the ball have already begun?
GLASS
Without us? They won‟t have fun.
ROSE
They‟ll rip each other to shiny shreds…(grabs GLASS‟S hand)…run, lazybones, run!
(Interlude music as ROSE & GLASS dash toward the royal chamber.)
WISHES / 73
ACT III
SCENE 2
(A waltz swells in the dark for a few strains, then lights up to CLARA and MALICIA dancing
with each other in the grand ballroom. They have the floor to themselves. Lights glint everywhere
and MILLICENT and RUPERT bestride their thrones, as the king nods and emits half-snorts.)
(MILLCENT coughs and RUPERT starts.)
MILLICENT
Really, Rupert, you might try giving your daughters a bit of attention.
RUPERT
Fully alert, my dear, wouldn‟t miss a moment of the festivities. Precious memories. (he nods)
(CLARA & MALICIA, radiant in tiara and gown, dance toward king and queen and
stop, as does the music.)
MALICIA
Where have all the princes gone?
CLARA
Gone? There‟s been no hint of a prince in our hall all eve.
MILLICENT
You needn‟t fret. The hour is early. The nightingale has yet to chirp her evensong.
(NIGHTINGALE begins to chirp…strangling sound…LARK twitters.)
WISHES/ 74
MALICIA
The hour may be early, but the men are all late.
(RUPERT snorts.)
CLARA
Save for Papa who‟s already come and gone.
MILLICENT
The less he sees, the better. So much finery upsets his system.
MALICIA
What about my system, mu-ther? Parading round plumed like a hen‟s not half the fun without a
cock to admire me.
(NIGHTINGALE starts…strangled sound.)
CLARA
To say nothing of waltzing one‟s sister round the great hall.
MALICIA
Both of us trying to lead.
CLARA
Not a pretty sight at all.
MALICIA
Somebody has to take charge.
CLARA
Who else could that be but you?
WISHES/ 75
MALICIA
I see we agree.
CLARA
Would you truly could see, sister mine…
(MILLICENT claps hands.)
MILLICENT
Girls, girls, girls. May I remind you that you are hosting a royal ball?
MALICIA
Well may you remind us…(looks around)…with few other signs of life to be found.
CLARA
(preens) Not even a faithful GLASS wherein we might admire ourselves (spins) and keep our
spirits aloft.
MALICIA
Where is our GLASS, come to that?
MALICIA & CLARA
Filling himself with ROSE WHITE‟S reflection?
MALICIA
(sings)While the princes all drool and flirt?
CLARA
(sings) Yapping like lap dogs around the girl‟s skirt.
MALICIA
(sings & dances) Yap, yap yap!
WISHES / 76
CLARA
Yip, yip, yip!
(MALICIA & CLARA circle.)
CLARA
Yip!
MALICIA
Yap!
CLARA
Yap!
MALICIA
Yip!
MALICIA & CLARA
Yippity, yappity, yip!
RUPERT
(snorts awake) Did I hear yapping while I was napping?
MILLICENT
Your daughters were playing, sire.
RUPERT
My little duckies acting like puppies?
CLARA
As a lark, father, to keep ourselves amused.
MALICIA
With little to charm or cheer us.
WISHES / 77
RUPERT
Dashing princes not yet arrived?
CLARA
Nary a one has dashed.
MALICIA
Let alone set foot in our hall.
CLARA
When the orchestra stops, one can hear the wind blow. A mournful wail like pain…
(Wind blows, RUPERT shivers.)
CLARA
…or death.
(A trumpet sounds, as does the ROYAL CRIER from offstage.)
ROYAL CRIER
From the warm west, Prince Lucas of Burk.
(A handsome young man in bright tights strides into the hall, flinging his
ermine robe over his shoulder as he comes.)
PRINCE LUCAS
Am I fashionably early? Or late? I seldom know the difference.
MILLICENT
Most timely, majesty. And most warmly welcome!
WISHES / 78
(The princesses curtsy.)
LUCAS
The warmth is in question. My majesty‟s yet to be determined. An older sibling stands the path.
Male, of course, a warrior to his roots. Laying siege to rich lands, as we speak. An errant arrow
could settle the question of lineage in a shot. Twould be a tragedy, of course. The price the brave
man so often pays. Alas, that has not been my curse. (laughs, eyes CLARA) Softer pursuits have
always stirred me.
RUPERT
And how is your father, good King…
MILLICENT
Lorenzo.
RUPERT
Every inch a king in might and manner. Age never seems to touch him.
LUCAS
He lies at death‟s door.
MILLICENT
(gasps) Your poor mother.
RUPERT
Queen…
MILLICENT
Connie.
RUPERT
Can that be right?
WISHES / 79
MILLICENT
She must be devastated! How‟s the poor dear bearing up?
LUCAS
Thrown herself into redoing the castle. Flutes and minarets everywhere. Reminds me of a sojourn
to Turkey…
(A nodding RUPERT revives.)
RUPERT
Turkey?
MILLICENT
The country, dear, not the bird.
RUPERT
Ah.
LUCAS
She‟s taking dance lessons. Seems rather besotted with the whole business.
MILLICENT
Marvelous! One is never too old to start.
LUCAS
A matter of opinion, majesty.
RUPERT
Indeed.
(MILLICENT glares at RUPERT who nods and snorts.)
WISHES / 80
LUCAS
She‟s got the whole kingdom gyrating to the…is it the La La? The Na Na?
(orchestra breaks into a Cha Cha.)
CLARA
(dances) Cha Cha, your highness. Tis all the rage…(hip grind)…in some parts.
LUCAS
Some sort of Latin thrusting and bumping.
MALICIA
(dances) Easily learned…(thrust and bump)…and thoroughly enjoyed, cha cha cha!
(music stops.)
LUCAS
Most unseemly, it seems, for regal affairs…speaking of which…
MILLICENT
Prince Lucas!
LUCAS
I only meant to imply that much of mother‟s „joy of dance‟ stems from Enrique, her teacher. Saucy
fellow, if you ask me.
MILLICENT
We didn‟t, actually, dear.
LUCAS
Quite, though one can tell at a glance this kingdom is in the hands of progressive rule. Nothing
stuffy or old-fashioned here.
WISHES / 81
RUPERT
Glance again.
LUCAS
Pardon?
RUPERT
Well may you ask. Not so quickly bestowed.
LUCAS
Not sure I follow.
RUPERT
Might try it a while - while you learn how to lead.
MILLICENT
Boys, boys!
RUPERT
Man and a boy, I‟d say, my dear. Think we know which is which.
MILLICENT
A most handsome and charming young man, I‟d say, who has come to dance with our daughters!
(MILLICENT claps hands and Cha Cha begins again as both princesses swirl about.)
LUCAS
How does a man dance to that?
MALICIA
(dances by) In the arms of an enchantress?
WISHES / 82
CLARA
(dances by) A charmer?
MALICIA
A siren?
CLARA
A goddess?
LUCAS
Take all of that and more to entice me into such back-breaking spasms.
MILLICENT
Perhaps if we had more suitable music.
LUCAS
Or partners.
(MILLICENT claps and the orchestra changes to the waltz, as ROSE WHITE enters,
dancing with GLASS.)
LUCAS
And who…or whom...might this creature be?
ROSE
The last princess arrived to the ball.
LUCAS
NOW I‟m enchanted.
(ROSE curtsies and LUCAS sweeps her into the waltz.)
WISHES / 83
MILLICENT
(frostily) This is our youngest, Rose White.
LUCAS
Saved the best for last, I should say.
(MALICIA claps and the orchestra switches back to the Cha Cha. LUCAS & ROSE stumble to
keep up, as MALICIA sweeps LUCAS away.)
MALICIA
Mere child‟s play.
LUCAS
(tripping) Quite.
MALICIA
The dance teaches itself.
LUCAS
Might explain why neither of us can lead.
MILLICENT
Really, child, the prince knows his own mind.
RUPERT
Would the rest of us did.
(MILLICENT claps and the orchestra reverts to the waltz, as LUCAS slips MALICIA and snatches
ROSE.)
MILLICENT
There‟s a man after my own heart.
WISHES / 84
MALICIA
I don‟t think so, mother.
MILLICENT
Old-fashioned and not ashamed of it.
LUCAS
Your parents are charming in their way.
ROSE
Which way would that be?
LUCAS
You know what I mean.
ROSE
Indeed I do not.
LUCAS
Come, come, pretty princess, tis all very well to play the maiden. Tis expected, becoming, but you
and I know both know better. This is the sticks, the backwoods, the boonies, where yokels rise and
fall with the chickens, a life circumscribed by a poultry alarm.
(ROOSTER crow starts, MILLICENT murderous glare, cock strangled.)
ROSE
An honest life, for all that.
LUCAS
Honestly, you don‟t yearn for something more?
ROSE
I once did…(spins away)…but no more.
WISHES / 85
LUCAS
(sings) The woman I take to wife shall know a much fuller life…bright lights, dazzling sights,
highest heights…a cosmopolitan kingdom!
ROSE
Sounds glitzy.
LUCAS
(grabbing her back) I knew you‟d be thrilled.
ROSE
(pulls away) Not the word I‟d have chosen.
LUCAS
(grabs her back) Never a fear in the future, dear. As Queen of Burk you need only smile and nod as
your sire does the talking.
ROSE
(pulls away) The only sire who speaks for me sits there nodding away, a finer man than you‟ve
ever dreamt of being.
LUCAS
Dreaming being the operative word. We set a slightly faster pace out west.
(CLARA cues the orchestra to Cha Cha and swings into LUCAS‟ arms.)
CLARA
I adore a fast pace, handsome prince, cha cha cha!
LUCAS
Which one are you?
CLARA
The girl of your dreams?
WISHES / 86
(MALICIA pushes CLARA aside and sweeps into LUCAS‟ arms.)
MALICIA
Dream on.
(CLARA recaptures the prince.)
CLARA
And on and on. Nothing stands in the way of our love.
(MALICIA takes the prince.)
MALICIA
I do.
(CLARA reclaims LUCAS)
CLARA
Guess we know what that makes you.
(CLARA & MALICIA get into a tug-of-prince to an ever more furious Cha Cha.)
MALICIA
He‟s mine!
CLARA
Mine!
MALICIA
Mine, mine!
WISHES / 87
CLARA
Mine, mine!
MALICIA
MINE, MINE, MINE, MINE!
(QUEEN CONNIE ENTERS to a Cha-Cha beat, swinging ENRIQUE before her, the ROYAL
CRIER huffing to keep up.)
CONNIE
Mine, alas, ladies. Though clearly not fully grown.
LUCAS
Mu-ther!
CONNIE
Nice to know I‟m remembered, the way you‟ve ignored my messages.
LUCAS
Been so busy. Haven‟t had a moment.
CONNIE
So it would seem.
ROYLA CRIER
Her Royal Majesty, Queen of…
CONNIE
Yes, yes. We all see that I‟m here. And everyone knows who I am. Surely.
ROYAL CRIER
(huffing) I tried…she blew...(tries to blow trumpet, hits flat note.)
WISHES / 88
(MILLICENT waves CRIER off, goes to CONNIE, hugs and kisses her warmly.)
MILLICENT
Of course we know you, dear. Ever in our thoughts and hearts. And looking radiant, may I say,
under the circumstances. How do you manage so wonderfully?
CONNIE
Renzo‟s dead.
(Group gasp!)
CONNIE
A matter of time. That time has come.
MILLICENT
Oh, my darling, what can I say?
CONNIE
Little to nothing is best in such circumstances. He was a good man. He is no more. Life‟s for the
living. We must go on.
(Cha Cha beat starts up, ENRIQUE begins to wriggle. CONNIE silences all with a wave.)
RUPERT
(rises) A better friend and truer ally had I never, nor do I think ever lived.
CONNIE
He felt the same about you, Rupee.
(General tittering among the young.)
MILLICENT
The girls never heard their Papa‟s nickname.
RUPERT
How did the good man go?
WISHES / 89
CONNIE
With a smile on his face. Freshly wakened from a pleasant dream.
RUPERT
(shaky) A dream?
CONNIE
Of hunting.
RUPERT
(even shakier) Of…hunting?
CONNIE
Renzo finally felled that dark bird of prey haunting his dreams. Died beaming in his jammies!
RUPERT
(major gulp!) That‟s…wonderful.
MILLICENT
So it is, to die with a smile on one‟s face.
CONNIE
And, so, to business.
RUPERT
May we offer our chapel for the ceremony?
MILLICENT
(sighs) Lest a burial on your soil be too heavy a burden.
CONNIE
Renzo will be laid to rest under the spreading chestnut where he so often napped, after riding to
hunt -- or instead of it. Many thanks, true friends, for the offer.
WISHES / 90
RUPERT
I look forward to it.
MILLICENT
He means we shall be there, of course.
(ENRIQUIE snaps his fingers, the Cha Cha begins, as he wriggles.)
ENRIQUE
And now, majesty, we dance!
(He spins toward her, as CONNIE holds up a hand. He stops.)
CONNIE
No, Rique.
ENRIQUE
No?
CONNIE
The ball is over and we must get to the daunting task of (grabs LUCAS by the ear) training this pup
to the throne. Heaven help us!
LUCAS
(writhing) What about Stefan?
CONNIE
(tugging harder) Your older brother is dead, as if you didn‟t know.
LUCAS
(pulling away) How would I know?
WISHES / 91
CONNIE
Much like his father, he, too, met with the end he so often sought, taken down in battle.
MILLICENT
(sniffles) Oh, Connie, how awful!
RUPERT
Was he hit from behind?
CONNIE
Crossbow arrow flush through the heart, as he charged outrageous odds. (to LUCAS) And you said
he had no heart!
LUCAS
You said that!
CONNIE
I knew one of us did. In any event, the line of succession is clear to you, an unsettling thought, if
ever there was one.
LUCAS
Mu-ther!
CONNIE
Must work on vocabulary. That much is clear.
LUCAS
I am perfectly capable of expressing myself.
CONNIE
Yes yes, we see how your words charm the birds from the trees.
(NIGHTINGGALE sings. CONNIE points. Bird is silent.)
WISHES / 92
ENRIQUE
Majesty, eef you like, I would be „appy to asseest to making an hombre of thees nino.
LUCAS
Steady there, Pancho. Don‟t get your silk drawers in a rumble.
ENRIQUE
So, You theenk you are a man? (double-clicks his heels) Perhaps you would care to test your
manhood in the dance.(double-click) Last man standing is El Hombre!
(Cha Cha beat begins, as RENRIGUE flies about -- until CONNIE grabs his ear, then LUCAS‟.
Music stops.)
CONNIE
Clearly I‟ve got my hands full here, surrounded by overgrown boys as I am. (sighs) Would that I
could leave them in Rupert‟s capable tutelage.
(RUPERT shakily rises, as MILLICENT bolts up.)
MILLICENT
Oh, Connie…I mean, if you…
CONNIE
Relax, Milly. (again, the girls chuckle) Just yankin the old goat‟s chain. Not that he ain‟t more man
than I ever hope to get outta this pair.
ENRIQUE
Senora…
CONNIE
Silencio!
LUCAS
Really, mu-ther…
WISHES / 93
CONNIE
(the hand) Same goes for you, nino.
LUCAS
I am king -- and shall speak as I please. You may kiss my hand.
CONNIE
You may kiss my…
MILLICENT
Lucas, that‟s still your mother you‟re talking to.
RUPERT
Queen Mother, to be exact.
CONNIE
Still in charge of the royal coffers, by royal decree. (pulls a parchment from her bosom)
LUCAS
Surely, with father‟s death…
(CONNIE snaps. ROYAL CRIER scurries on. CONNIE hands him the parchment.)
ROYAL CRIER
(softly, shakily) Hear ye…
CONNIE
Louder, if we‟re to hear ye!
ROYAL CRIER
(louder): “Hear ye, hear ye! By proclamation of His Majesty, Lorenzo the Magnificent…”
WISHES / 94
CONNIE
He was (sigh) at times.
(ROYAL CRIER looks to queen, she waves him on.)
ROYAL CRIER
“Ruler of all beyond the Clouded Mountains, I hereby attest that, upon occasion of my death, all
lands, chattel, and royal treasury holdings shall transfer to the safe keeping of my queen, and
eternal love…”
(CONNIE snorts. ROYAL CRIER stops. CONNIE waves. He goes on.)
ROYAL CRIER
“Until such time as Queen Constance shall deem my male successor, whomsoever he be, of proper
sense and might to rule justly, the queen shall hold the throne until she says nay. I do deem it so, on
my oath and seal.”
(ROYAL CRIER holds up parchment to show the seal. RUPERT stirs, as CONNIE waves the
CRIER away.)
MILLICENT
A wonderful idea!
RUPERT
Yes, yes. Quite sensible of Renzo, as ever.
CONNIE
(eyes LUCAS, sulking) Come, come. This is no way to win mother‟s favor. Quit slouching, for
heaven sake. Assume a regal bearing.
(RUPERT unconsciously straightens up.)
CONNIE
(tousles his hair) Cheer up. You still get that handsome expense packet your father lavished upon
you. (tugs hair) Only now you shall earn it! (sees ENRIQUE sulking) And we shall continue
(winks) lessons, (spins) ole!
WISHES / 95
ENRIQUE
Muchas gracias, senora. (begins kissing her hand)
CONNIE
Senorita! (pulls hand away) Time now to take our leave. (snaps. Nothing. Louder.) I said time now
to take our leave.
ROYAL CRIER
(flat trumpet note) Hear ye, Hear ye, Queen Mother Constance and King…
CONNIE
King-in-Waiting.
ROYAL CRIER
King-in-Waiting Lucas take now their leave to the airs of our Royal Band!
CONNIE
No band.
ROYAL CRIER
No band.
(Following the men out, CONNIE stops at the princesses.)
CONNIE
Perhaps I‟ll have a suitable suitor for these pretty faces, next time I see them.
MALICIA
You think Enrique‟s young enough for us? (all laugh)
CONNIE
(pinching her cheek) This one I like.
MILLICENT
Girls, show our gentlemen out, whilst I share a parting word with the Queen Mother.
WISHES / 96
(The party EXITS to sounds of good humor.)
CONNIE
„Queen Mother‟. Makes me sounds a thousand years old.
MILLICENT
You don‟t look it.
CONNIE
Thanks. What was that word you wished to have with me?
MILLICENT
True?
CONNIE
Or?
MILLICENT
False?
CONNIE
Isn‟t this a game we used to play, Milly?
MILLICENT
I‟d say we‟re still playing it.
CONNIE
So we are.
MILLICENT
So? (CONNIE looks to RUPERT) Off hunting.
CONNIE
You‟ll keep that proclamation in a safe place for me, like a dear?
WISHES / 97
MILLICENT
(nudges her) You rascal. I knew it!
CONNIE
(sticks out her tongue) Takes one to know one!
MILLICENT
(hugs her) It does indeed. It does indeed.
CONNIE
Well, it‟s what „Renzo would have done, if he‟d thought of it. Course, when do these men ever
think?
MILLICENT
There you have got me, lady.
CONNIE
I‟m kinda serious here, Milly. That parchment could cost me my head.
MILLICENT
I‟ll not have a hair of that pretty pate harmed. (kisses her head) I know places no one else has
dreamed of.
CONNIE
You always knew how to stash stuff. Best hidey-holer in the group.
MILLICENT
We all have our talents.
CONNIE
Might think about a proclamation for yourself.
MILLICENT
Connie!
WISHES / 97
CONNIE
Men don‟t live forever…though we might, you and I.
MILLICENT
Let‟s plan on it! (hugging)
-- END OF PLAY --