Chapter 10
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Intimacy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgxxAwue7Fs
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What do we mean by intimacy?
Why Is Intimacy an Adolescent Issue?
Not necessarily sexualNot necessarily sexual true intimacy is characterized by openness, true intimacy is characterized by openness,
honesty, self-disclosure, and trusthonesty, self-disclosure, and trust
Intimacy becomes an Intimacy becomes an adolescent concern because of adolescent concern because of normative biological, cognitive, normative biological, cognitive, and social changesand social changes
Intimate relationships first Intimate relationships first emerge in adolescenceemerge in adolescence
Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs:need for contact and for tenderness
need for adult participation
need for peers and peer acceptance Need for intimacyNeed for sexual contact and intimacy with partnerNeed for integration into adult society
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Theoretical Perspectives
Companionship appears before adolescence
Intimacy emerges later Early adolescence
Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship
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Changes in the nature of friendship
Conflicts that adolescents have with friendsOlder adolescents typically have conflicts over
private mattersYounger adolescents typically have conflicts over
public disrespect
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Changes in the nature of friendship
Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends
Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling
Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy
Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion
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Changes in the Display of Intimacy
Sex Differences in Intimacy
Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators Girls disclose more to their
friends Girls are more sensitive and
empathic to friends Girls are more concerned about
trust and loyalty
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Yes, BUT…carries some liabilities (e.g., co-rumination)
both sexes have equivalent degrees of intimate knowledge about their best friends
when boys are with their friends, they are just as likely to share each other’s emotional stateSex differences in helpfulness are very smallBoys and girls express intimacy in different ways
Sex Differences in Intimacy
Boysconflicts persist for shorter periods of time typically over issues of power and controlmore likely to escalate into physical aggressionusually resolved without any explicit effort
Girlsconflicts persist for longer periods of time typically about betrayal in the relationshiponly resolved when one of the friends apologizes
Sex Differences in Friendship Conflicts
Changes in the targets of intimacy
Sullivan hypothesized that intimacy with peers replaces
intimacy with parents Intimacy with peers of the
opposite sex replaces intimacy with same-sex friends
Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones
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Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers
Parent-adolescent relationships Imbalance of power, teens receive advice conflicts usually result with a “winner” and “loser”
Adolescent peer relationships Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges conflicts more likely to end in compromise
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Different Roles of Parents and Peers
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Dating and Romantic Relationships
How old were you? How did you approach the boy/girl you liked? Where did you go? Alone or in a group? How did it go?
Recall your first date…
High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection
Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months 25% of 12-years-olds reported
having one 50% of 15-year-olds 70% of 18-year-olds
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Dating and Romantic Relationships
Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy Establishing emotional and
behavioral autonomy from parents Furthering development of gender
identity Learning about oneself as a romantic
partner Establishing/maintaining status and
popularity in peer group
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Dating and Romantic Relationships
(1) Discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners; relationships last a few weeks (between 11 and 13)
(2) Move toward more meaningful dyadic relationships; relationships last about 6 months (from about 14 to 16)
(3) Begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of romantic relationships; average relationship is over a year (around 17 or 18)
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3 Phases of Teen Romance
Early and intensive dating before age 15 Stunting effect on psychosocial development
Late Bloomers Retarded social development, excessive dependency on
parents, feelings of insecurity
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Impact of Dating on Adolescent Development
During adolescence, friends: serve as sounding boards for future plans provide advice on a range of identity-related matters contribute to adolescents’ self-esteem
Individuals with satisfying close friendships do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood
Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able to make and maintain close relationships with others
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The bottom line…
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Have a Great Break!