Chapter 3: Breaking Up Long Sentences
By: Premala Nair Krishnakutty
Summary from ENGLISH FOR WRITING RESEARCH PAPERS by
3.0 Why this chapter is important?
Short sentences earns more readersYour journal will be immediately catch the
referees eyes and the chances to be published will be more
In this chapter, we will learn how to make short sentences
3.1 Think above all about the reader
All readers prefer sentences that they:Only need to read onceThey don’t have to read it slowly has it does not
require intense concentrationCan understand writers logic by reading or process,
word by word rather than understanding it at the end of the sentences
The average length of the sentences becoming shorter and shorter over the centuriesDuring Shakespeare’s 45 words150 years ago 29 wordsToday’s experts 15 and 18 words
3.2 The longer your sentence, the greater the chance it will be misunderstood
Below shows example of a sentence where the referee has rejected and asked the author to write something sensible:-
“Even if the occurrence of this particular form of pulmonary tumor occurs on a rare basis, since the behavior of these tumors is extremely difficult to predict and the histological features resembling a discrete cell tumor may lead to misdiagnose a C2 tumor as a C1 tumor, it would be of interest to characterize those lesions and to take them into account in the differential diagnosis of hereditary or congenital tumors.”
3.2 The longer your sentence, the greater the chance it will be misunderstood
From the referee’s point of view, this sentence make no sense as for them usually, they do not have enough time to interpret the authors trying to explain thus they need simplified version of the content
The author then rewrote the sentence as shown below:-
“This particular form of pulmonary tumor appears to be extremely rare. Its behavior is extremely difficult to predict. Moreover, the histological features, which resemble a discrete cell tumor, may mean that a C2 tumor is misdiagnosed as a C1 tumor. It would thus be interesting to characterize these lesions and to take them into account in the differential diagnosis of hereditary or congenital tumors.”
3.2 The longer your sentence, the greater the chance it will be misunderstood
The authors view is more clear when the sentences has been break down to 11, 7, 22 and 24 words, making a total of 64 words as the original version was 71 words
There are few more example in the book, you may refer the diagram, showing the original and revised version
3.3 Short sentences are not a sign of inelegance and superficiality Some non-native researchers feels that they couldn’t express themselves
as they would by using their own language Humanity and social sciences author usually expresses opinions rather
than hard facts A survey has been done by author to PhD students before the writing
course, particular students expresses view as below: Question: What for you is the most difficult aspect of writing in
English? In Art History, long sentences used to descriptions, attributions and
reasons Hard to translate an article into English because of difficulty in
choosing the right words Sometimes the student feels she lose some shades of meaning
long sentences are NOT ‘absolutely necessary’ E.g. : the Viennese art historian, Ernst Gombrich wrote many of his
books in English rather than in his native German most widely accessible art history books ever published, because
it is written in a clear, simple, unpretentious style After 4 years, the author contacted the student to check whether he could
use her quote about art history in this book. Since the writing course she managed to write 7 books in English She now writes directly in English using simpler way to get her work
published
3.4 Why and how long sentences are created
Long sentences contain one or more of the following: a link word/phrase (e.g. and, moreover, in fact, etc) a list of items, most of which are qualified (e.g. specifying a
characteristics) one or more semicolon or colon
also caused by adding too many parts to the main clause S1: We did several surveys, which all gave the same result.
(Easy to read) S2: We did several surveys aimed at investigating whether stress increases in
proportion to the number of children a couple has and each survey led to the same result, i.e. that there is no correlation, thus confirming the hypothesis that stress in the family is generally connected to factors other than size.
(Possible to understand on a first reading but reader might want to divide it Into 3 parts to get better understanding)
S3: We did several surveys aimed at investigating whether stress increases in proportion to the number of children a couple has. Each survey led to the same result, i.e. that there is no correlation. This confirmed the hypothesis that stress in the family is generally connected to factors other than size.
(Reader can understand easily because it is written in 3 blocks clearly)
3.5 And
And is used in 2 different ways to join two verbs (speak and write) and two nouns (English and Italian) to add additional information (and that this is true .. and to this end)
Eg1: Using “AND” creating long sentences
In this comparison the RV replaces first and with full stop to reduce the length
The second and cannot be simply replaced with full stop instead it is replaced with also
3.6 as well as
Used to add some additional info Used as alternative for and If use as well as, it will make longer sentences so it is better to
break the sentences However, cannot start a sentence using as well as instead we need
to repeat some part
3.7 Other link words that introduce additional information: moreover, in addition, furthermore
these words have similar meaning as “and”
3.8 Link words that compare and contrast: whereas, on the other hand; although, however take note that not all link words can be used at the beginning of a
sentence
this example shows the usage of although and however
some link words such as because, since, as are used in the middle of sentences, when you split the sentences, it cannot be used to begin the sentence
3.9 Link words that give explanations: because, since, as, in fact
Words like since and although are usually used in a subordinate clause at the beginning of the sentences
When use since at the beginning of a sentence, we should have some idea on how it relates to the main clause
3.9 Link words that give explanations: because, since, as, in fact
words like since and as also require a dependent clause, look below example
3.10 Link words that express consequences: owing to, due to, as a result of, consequently, thus etc.
These words are used to explain or describe something, example show as below
Split into 3 to get clearer picture
Split into 3 to get clearer picture
3.11 Which and relative clauses
used to add information
3.11 Which and relative clauses When the sentences are long, it will be difficult to understand, example as below
Original Version (ov) English is now the world’s international language and is studied by more than a billion people in various parts of the world thus giving rise to an industry of English language textbooks and teachers, which explains why in so many schools and universities in countries where English is not the mother tongue it is taught as the first foreign language in preference to, for example, Spanish or Chinese, which are two languages that have more native speakers than English.
Revised Version (rv) English is now the world’s international language and is studied by more than a billion people in various parts of the world thus giving rise to an industry of English language textbooks and teachers. This explains why in so many schools and universities in countries where English is not the mother tongue it is taught as the first foreign language. For example, English is taught in preference to Spanish or Chinese, which are two languages that have more native speakers than English.
Using THIS either standalone or with a noun it help to reduce the length of the sentence
3.11 Which and relative clausesMore example using which
3.12 - ing form
Used to link phrases which will make the sentences longer
Another word can be used to form a new sentence
original version (ov) Using automatic translation software (e.g. Google Translate, Babelfish, and Systran) can considerably ease the work of researchers when they need to translate documents thus saving them money (for example the fee they might have otherwise had to pay to a professional translator) and increasing the amount of time they have to spend in the laboratory rather than at the PC.
revised version (rv) Using automatic translation software (e.g. Google Translate, Babelfish, and Systran) can considerably ease the work of researchers when they need to translate documents. Such software saves them money, for example the fee they might have otherwise had to pay to a professional translator. It also increases the amount of time they have to spend in the laboratory rather than at the PC.
3.13 in order to
Used to express rationale of a procedure or lineIf rationale is more than 15 words, need to split it
to a new sentences
3.13 in order toTwo technique used in RV- either say what you did and then why you did it-or give your rationale and then say what you did
3.14 Excessive numbers of commas
Commas used to lists (OK)
Commas used in sentence, make the sentence longer, as shown below
original version (ov) As a preliminary study, in an attempt to establish a relationship between document length and level of bureaucracy, we analyzed the length of 50 European Union documents, written in seven of the official languages of the EU, to confirm whether documents, such as reports regarding legislative and administrative issues, vary substantially in length from one language to another, and whether this could be related, in some way, to the length of time typically needed to carry out daily administrative tasks in those countries (e.g. withdrawing money from a bank account, setting up bill payments with utility providers, understanding the clauses of an insurance contract). The results showed that …
revised version (rv) Our aim was to see if there is a direct relationship between the length of documents produced in a country, and the length it takes to do simple bureaucratic tasks in that country. Our hypothesis was: the longer document, the greater the level of bureaucracy. In our preliminary study we analyzed translations from English into seven of the official languages of the European Union. We chose 50 documents, mostly regarding legislative and administrative issues. We then looked at the length of time typically needed to carry out daily administrative tasks in those countries. The tasks we selected were withdrawing money from a bank account, setting up bill payments with utility providers, and understanding the clauses of an insurance contract. The results showed that ...
Lazy writing
Logical order and separate sentences
1.Rationale
2. Investigation
3. Connection
More words, easier to follow
3.15 Semicolons
Not commonly usedInstead replace it with full stopSemicolon also do make the sentence long
3.16 Semicolons in lists
Only use when dividing lists where the lists relates to each other
S1: *The partners in the various projects are A, B and C, P and Q, X and Y and Z.
S2: The partners in the various projects are A, B and C; P and Q; X; and Y and Z.
3.17 Phrases in parentheses
Do not use it unless to list It also make the sentences longerShould be avoided to give explanations or examples
3.18 Summary Doesn’t matter if your sentence is short the information will still be
the same The slides above teaches you on how to make reader understand on
the first reading To increase readability
don’t separate the subject from its verb using more than 8–10 words avoid adding extra information to the end of the main clause, if the
main clause is already about 15–20 words long check to make sure that a sentence has a maximum of 30 words, and
don’t use more than three or four 30-word sentences in the whole paper
consider beginning a new sentence if the original sentence is long and contains one or more of the following (or equivalents): and, which, a link word, the -ing form, in order to
maximize the use of periods (.). Use the minimum number of commas (,), avoid semicolons (;) and parentheses
don’t worry about repeating key words. If dividing up a long sentence into shorter sentences means that you have to repeat key words, this is not a problem.