1
DEADMOUSE – THE MUSICAL
(NOT FEATURING THE MUSIC OF deadmau5)
Book and Lyrics by Rafe Malach
Music by Rafe Malach
How Do I Get Through To You: Adam Jesin
Love at First Click – Co-written by Cody Malach
Names of Mice: AJ Goldberg
Rafe Malach
10 Walmer Road Apt 1007
(647) 801-3914
2
List of Songs
ACT 1
1) “12 Keys” p4 JOEL, DAVID
2) “How Do I Get Through To You” p9 MOM, JOEL
3) “Joel Zimmermouse” p9 MOM
4) “Naïve” p12 JOEL
5) “Good Enough” p15 JOEL, CAT
6) “Big Enough to Know” p23 JOEL
7) “Love at First Click” p26 DAVID, JOEL, CAT
8) “Intimate Encounters” p30 DAVID
9) “All of the Love We Had” p36 CAT
ACT 2
10) “My First Broken Heart” p49 CAT, DAVID
11) “Girls are Stupid” p53 JOEL, CAT
12) “Mashup Song” p62 JOEL, CAT
13) “House Battle” p70 JOEL, CAT, AVICHEESE
14) “Finale” p79 COMPANY
CAST OF CHARACTERS
JOEL ZIMMERMOUSE/DEADMOUSE, A 20 something mouse who wants to be
a DJ.
CAT VON D, Joel’s girlfriend, she is a tattoo artist.
DAVID GOUDA, Joel’s 20 something friend and fellow DJ.
AVICHEESE, Joel’s Nemesis, Swedish DJ.
EXECUTIVE, A Record Label Exec
SECRETARY, His Secretary
ST. PETER, St. Peter
MOM, Joel’s Mom
3
SCENE 1
ANNOUNCER
Ladies and Gentleman, Introducing
World famous, purely greatest, DJ spinning House!
He’s faster than a hatter,
Dropping beats with his feet
And writing synth parts with his heart.
Put your hands in the air for Living Human!
JOEL
Hello Toronto!
ANNOUNCER
The amazing thing is after all these years headlining clubs
around the world, no one has ever seen Living Human’s face!
Until tonight that is! Tonight for the first time we will see
who really is!
JOEL
(Takes off the Deadmouse Helmet and reveals his face. He is
wearing mouse ears showing he is an actual mouse. His tail is
also revealed.)
CROWD
Boo!
ANNOUNCER
Is it possible? Living Human is an actual mouse? How horrifying!
Truly a mockery of house music.
CROWD
Boo! You suck! Get off the stage!
JOEL
No please! I’m still the same guy! I’m still Living Human! I’m
still Joel!
ANNOUNCER
No one will ever respect your music now that everyone knows
you`re a mouse! Wake up Joel. Wake up! Joel. Wake up. Joel! Wake
up!
(Reveals to be a dream. Joel is lying down
over his studio equipment.)
4
DAVID
Wake up Joel! Wake up! You were having a nightmare or something.
JOEL
What? What? (Wakes up from a dream.)
DAVID
Why are you sleeping dude? It’s 11.
JOEL
I was up til 6 working on a new song.
DAVID
I was up pretty late last night working on a track also. What’s
yours called?
JOEL
Levels.
DAVID
Cool. Is it any good?
JOEL
I think I might have found the one.
DAVID
The one? Your search is finally over?
JOEL
We’ll find out soon.
JOEL (12 KEYS)
I'M LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HIDE
I'M NOT SCARED I'M TERRIFIED
OF MESSING UP MY CHANCE AT GOLD
DAVID
I GOT THE FEELING HALF DIVINE
I WATCH THE NOTES AS THEY ALIGN
OH GOD JUST LET ME LET IT OUT
BOTH
LET IT OUT, JUST LET ME LET IT OUT
LET IT OUT, JUST LET ME LET IT OUT
5
JOEL
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY BRAIN,
ENOUGH TO DRIVE A MAN INSANE,
MAYBE IT WILL BEFORE TOO LONG
DAVID
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY SOUL
CAN ALMOST TASTE MY FINAL GOAL
JUST LET ME WRITE THAT PERFECT SONG
JOEL
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY HEART,
WELL I GUESS THAT'S SOMEWHERE TO START
AND I HOPE THAT I'M STARTING STRONG
DAVID
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY LOVE
ENOUGH TO RAISE ME UP ABOVE,
BOTH
AND I'LL BE THERE BEFORE TOO LONG,
THERE BEFORE TOO LONG
THERE BEFORE TOO LONG
WHEN I WRITE THAT PERFECT SONG.
JOEL
BLACK WHITE EACH NOTE OF ITS OWN KIND
HOLDING MAGIC I CAN FIND
I KNOW THAT I WILL IF I TRY
DAVID
I’LL UNLOCK HIDDEN DOORS WITH EASE
I GUESS THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM KEYS
THE KEYS TO HELP ME LET IT OUT
BOTH
LET IT OUT, JUST LET ME LET IT OUT
LET IT OUT, JUST LET ME LET IT OUT
JOEL
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY BRAIN,
ENOUGH TO DRIVE A MAN INSANE,
MAYBE IT WILL BEFORE TOO LONG
6
DAVID
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY SOUL
CAN ALMOST TASTE MY FINAL GOAL,
JUST LET ME WRITE THAT PERFECT SONG
JOEL
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY HEART,
WELL I GUESS THAT'S SOMEWHERE TO START
AND I HOPE THAT I'M STARTING STRONG
DAVID
12 KEYS, 10 FINGERS AND MY LOVE
ENOUGH TO RAISE ME UP ABOVE,
BOTH
AND I'LL BE THERE BEFORE TOO LONG
THERE BEFORE TOO LONG
THERE BEFORE TOO LONG
WHEN I WRITE THAT PERFECT SONG.
BOTH
OUTRO
LIKE A SILVER BEAUTY QUEEN
THAT'S STUMBLING ALONG
SOMEONE HELP ME WRITE THAT PERFECT SONG X4
DAVID
It`s gonna work out. I know we can do it.
JOEL
I hope so.
DAVID
Trust me Joel. Our names will be in lights. Soon you won’t be
able to flip on the radio without hearing about Joel Zimmermouse
or David Goudda.
JOEL
Ha, David Goudda? You’re keeping your real name? You’re not
gonna come up with a cool DJ moniker?
DAVID
I don’t think so. I like David Goudda. It rolls off the
tongue.
7
JOEL
Ya, Joel Zimmermouse rolls off the tongue also.
DAVID
Whatever you say buddy.
JOEL
Hmm, maybe you’re right. I’ve been thinking of using the name
“Living Human.” That way maybe people won’t realize I’m a mouse
and will actually give me a shot.
DAVID
No way. It’s gotta be something short and punchy and dark.
JOEL
Hmm, maybe. How was your date? That was today right?
DAVID
Blech, horrible. She didn’t look anything like her profile
picture on plenty of mice.
JOEL
That happens.
DAVID
I’m thinking of trying something new.
JOEL
What?
DAVID
Offline dating.
JOEL
Sounds terrifying.
DAVID
So let’s hear this new song.
JOEL
(Starts playing the song Levels by AVICII but is
cut off after a few bars.)
MOM
Joel!
8
JOEL
Mom, I’m in the middle of something!
MOM
Joel, it’s gonna get cold.
JOEL
Mom, I have a new song! If I don’t work on it now I might never
finish it!
MOM
Joel Zimmermouse, you get your little tail down here right now
or it’s no Guv for a month.
JOEL
Oh for cheese sakes!
(Joel runs down to the Kitchen. It is a
typical mouse kitchen with more or less
mouse related gags depending on budget.)
JOEL
Mom, I was working on my next song.
MOM
You call that a song? It’s all drums and bass, you never play
your guitar your uncle Frank bought you anymore.
JOEL
The guitar only seven inches long, it sounds ridiculous!
MOM
Oh so now you’re too good for mouse guitars, are you Joel!?
JOEL
I hate mouse guitar. I only like House Music!
MOM
Mouse music?
JOEL
No, I said House Music! And one day I’ll be a famous mouse
house music DJ. You’ll see!
9
MOM
Oh ya? And how many of these House DJs are mice? Huh Joel?
Answer me that!
JOEL
Well none, but…
MOM
But nothing! That’s the thing about you Joel, your heads in the
clouds! You should be gathering cheese and running from cats
but all you ever talk about is that damned house music!
JOEL
You have no idea what you’re talking about!
MOM
Will you just listen for one second Joel?
TELL ME, HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO YOU?
HOW DO I CONVEY THIS?
BENEFIT FROM MY EXPERIENCE
I JUST DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY IT
WELL YOU’RE STUCK INSIDE YOUR PRISON
INDECISION HAS A STRANGLEHOLD ON YOU
AND YOU’RE STUBBORN AND DEFIANT,
SELF-RELIANCE DON’T APPEAL THAT MUCH TO YOU
YOU DEMAND RESPECT THAT YOU HAVE YET TO EARN
JOEL
WITH ALL YOUR INTELLECT YOU’VE STILL GOT MUCH TO LEARN
MOM
YOU THINK THE LIFE YOU LEAD IS NONE OF MY CONCERN
BUT PLEASE JUST HEED MY WORDS
TELL ME HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO YOU?
TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO CHANGE YOUR VIEWS?
IT’S YOUR LIFE AND IT’S YOUR DECISION, IT’S YOURS TO LOSE,
HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO YOU
JOEL
TELL ME HOW TO MAKE YOU LISTEN
TELL ME HOW TO PHRASE IT
10
JOEL (CONTINUED)
DON’T WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK THE WAY I THINK
BUT I NEED TO EXPLAIN IT
WELL I MUST ADDRESS THIS CRAZINESS AND ARROGANCE
THEY’RE NOT ENDEARING YOU TO ANYONE I KNOW
WHEN DID YOU BECOME SO TYPICAL, SO CYNICAL?
YOU’RE NOT THE MOM I KNEW
MOM
AND YOU DEMAND RESPECT THAT YOU HAVE YET TO EARN
JOEL
WITH ALL YOUR INTELLECT YOU’VE STILL GOT MUCH TO LEARN
MOM
YOU THINK THE LIFE YOU LEAD IS NONE OF MY CONCERN
JOEL
BUT PLEASE JUST HEED MY WORDS
HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO YOU?
TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO CHANGE YOUR VIEWS
MOM
HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO YOU?
TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO CHANGE YOUR VIEWS
BOTH
HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO YOU?
TELL ME WHAT TO SAY TO CHANGE YOUR VIEWS
IT’S YOUR LIFE AND IT’S YOUR DECISION,
JOEL
I’M YOURS TO LOSE, HOW DO I GET THROUGH TO YOU?
JOEL
You’ll never understand me! House music is the only thing I’ll
ever care about!
MOM
Such insolence from such a little mouse! From this day forward
there will be no House Music in this… uhh… house!
11
JOEL
Mom!
MOM
Your friend from school, your friend Samson? He’s a doctor now.
He’s engaged. He’s started his life! What have you ever done!
JOEL
Mom, you don’t understand me! You’ll never understand me!
(Runs out).
MOM
JOEL ZIMMERMOUSE, TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE, SEARCHING FOR
JOEL ZIMMERMOUSE, TELL ME WHAT YOUR LIFE IS FOR
I MISSED THE BOY, I USED TO KNOW
PLEASE TELL ME, WHERE DID THAT BOY GO
I MISSED THE THINGS YOU USED TO SAY
I HOPE ONE DAY YOU’LL FIND YOUR WAY
12
SCENE 3
(Joel is walking along outside. Again,
Mouse gags as the budget provides.)
JOEL
God, I can`t stand my mom sometimes. She just doesn`t
understand.
JOEL
THERE IS A MOUSE, MY AGE
HE IS A DOCTOR WITH A DOCTOR’S WAGE
HE HAS STARTED HIS LIFE
AND MY MOM THINKS THAT IT’D BE
NICE IF I’D FIND A WAY
TO THROW ALL MY DREAMS AWAY
BUT I’M NAÏVE,
ENOUGH TO MAKE A SCENE
ENOUGH TO CHASE MY DREAMS,
I’M LIKE A SMALL JAMES DEAN
AND IF I’M HALF THE MOUSE THAT I HAVE PLANNED
I’LL FIND MY WAY TO NEVERLAND
I’LL BE THE ONE I WANT TO BE
OR MAYBE I’M A LITTLE TOO NAÏVE
CAT
Hey Joel, what are you up to?
JOEL
Hi Cat. Not much. It`s just that my mom doesn’t…
CAT
I love your mom!
JOEL
I mean I’m working on a new song!
CAT
Cool, what’s it called!
JOEL
It’s called Levels!
13
CAT
Oooh, I love all your cute little house songs. Can’t wait to
hear it!
JOEL
It’s not cute. It’s bad ass!
CAT
Well if you made it, it has to be cute!
(Joel comes out to the audience. CAT can`t
hear this part. Song continues)
JOEL
THERE IS A GIRL I KNOW
AND SHE LIKES ME EVEN THOUGH
SOMETIMES I DON’T GIVE BACK
SOMETIMES I’M A HYPOCHONDRIAC
WHEN I’M WEAK I KNOW SHE’S STRONG
WHEN SHE SPEAKS IT’S LIKE A SONG
WHEN SHE SINGS I SING ALONG
BUT IS IT LOVE?
OR A GREAT DISGUISE
DOES SHE SEE IT IN MY EYES
THAT I’M NAÏVE,
ENOUGH TO MAKE A SCENE
ENOUGH TO CHASE MY DREAMS,
I’M LIKE A SMALL JAMES DEAN
AND IF I’M HALF THE MOUSE THAT I HAVE PLANNED
I’LL FIND MY WAY TO NEVERLAND
I’LL BE THE ONE I WANT TO BE
OR MAYBE I’M A LITTLE TOO NAÏVE
14
SCENE 4
CAT
So cutie, did you miss me last week?
JOEL
You know I did. How was the first week at that new tattoo
parlour? 305 Ink?
CAT
Exciting!
JOEL
Really? How come?
CAT
Ya! So many cute mice flexing their muscles for me all day…
JOEL
Ohhh (disappointed.)
CAT
Haha, silly boy! You know I’m just teasing! How about you?
JOEL
I had a big show last week!
CAT
Oh ya, how did it go!
JOEL
Great! There were 30 people and 400 mice there! It was my
biggest gig yet!
CAT
Great!
JOEL
Oh ya, Lindsay mouse says hi.
CAT
Grr… What was she wearing?
JOEL
Oh, I don’t know, how am I supposed to remember?
15
CAT
Joel!
JOEL
A pink bra and jean shorts.
CAT
She’s such a slut!
JOEL
You shouldn’t say that! It’s sexist!
CAT
C’mon Joel! She was Playmouse playmate of the month. She shows
her tail for money!
JOEL
She’s just using it as a springboard for her acting career.
CAT
What has she ever acted in?
JOEL
She does burlesque.
CAT
I don’t remember Burlesque involving lap dances!
JOEL
She’s just like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge!
CAT
No she’s not! She’s like Julia Roberts in pretty woman!
JOEL
No she’s not! She’s like Demi Moore in Striptease!
CAT
Yes! She’s exactly like Demi Moore in Striptease!
JOEL
Don’t get your tail in a knot!
16
CAT
I’m sorry. It’s just that, with all the attention you get from
your DJing, and me doing boring old tattoo art, I just don’t
know if I’m exciting enough for you.
JOEL
Are you kidding? You’re an artistic genius! Not to mention
gorgeous. Look at me! I’m only 3 and a half inches tall! Your
last boyfriend was 4 inches! How am I supposed to compete with
that?
JOEL
I KNOW THIS GIRL
SHE LEAVES ME SPEECHLESS
SHE MEANS THE WORLD
TO EVERYONE SHE MEETS
SHE’S GOT THIS SMILE AND
SHE’S GOT THIS CAR
SHE’S GOT THIS JOB AND
SHE’S GOING FAR
SHE’S GOT THIS LOOK AND
IT MAKES ME HAPPY
JOEL
WELL I DON’T THINK THAT I’M HOT ENOUGH
CAT
AND I DON’T THINK THAT I’M COOL ENOUGH
JOEL
NO I DON’T THINK THAT I’M GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
CAT
AND THEN HE TELLS ME I’M SO LOVELY
JOEL
AND THEN SHE TELLS ME I’M SO CUTE
CAT
AND THEN HE TELLS ME HE’S SO LUCKY
JOEL
AND SUDDENLY I`M HOT ENOUGH
17
CAT
AND SUDDENLY I`M COOL ENOUGH
JOEL
AND SUDDENLY I`M GOOD ENOUGH
JOEL
FOR HER
BOTH
AND THAT`S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
CAT
I KNOW THIS BOY AND
HE LEAVES ME SPEECHLESS
AND HE BRINGS JOY
TO EVERYONE HE MEETS
HIS LIFE’S A THRILL
LIKE FLASHING LIGHTS
THE WAY HE PLAYS
THE SONGS HE WRITES
AND WHEN HE SMILES
IT MAKES ME HAPPY
JOEL
WELL I DON`T THINK THAT I`M HOT ENOUGH
CAT
NO I DON`T THINK THAT I`M COOL ENOUGH
JOEL
WELL I DON`T THINK THAT I`M GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
JOEL
BUT THEN SHE TELLS ME I LOOK DASHING
CAT
AND THE HE TELLS ME I`M SO CUTE
JOEL
AND THEN SHE TELLS ME SHE`S SO LUCKY
18
CAT
AND SUDDENLY I`M HOT ENOUGH
JOEL
AND SUDDENLY I`M COOL ENOUGH
BOTH
AND SUDDENLY I`M GOOD ENOUGH
JOEL
FOR HER
BOTH
AND THAT`S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
CAT
I KNOW THIS BOY
JOEL
I KNOW THIS GIRL
CAT
HE HAS MY HEART
JOEL
SHE IS MY WORLD
SHE’S GOT THIS LOOK
CAT
THE SONGS HE WRITES
JOEL
SHE IS MY MUSE
CAT
LIKE FLASHING LIGHTS
BOTH
AND WHEN YOU SMILE
IT MAKES ME HAPPY
JOEL
WELL I DON`T THINK THAT I`M HOT ENOUGH
19
CAT
NO I DON`T THINK THAT I`M COOL ENOUGH
JOEL
WELL I DON`T THINK THAT I`M GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
JOEL
AND THEN SHE TELLS ME I LOOK DASHING
CAT
AND THE HE TELLS ME I`M SO CUTE.
JOEL
AND THEN SHE TELLS ME (BIG NOTE) THAT SHE LOVES ME
CAT
AND SUDDENLY I`M HOT ENOUGH
JOEL
AND SUDDENLY I`M COOL ENOUGH
BOTH
AND SUDDENLY I`M GOOD ENOUGH
JOEL
FOR HER
BOTH
(Really big.)
AND THAT`S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME
CAT
Bye cutie, we have big date this week?
JOEL
You know it!
(CAT Leaves)
JOEL
(Singing) Whoooa, sometimes, I get a good feeling. I get a
feeling like… That’s it! It’s perfect!
(Runs offstage)
20
SCENE 5
EXECUTIVE
Ok, we’re going to get Swiss House Mafia playing labour of love,
and Armin Van Buren playing after.
SECRETARY
Can’t do it, you know Swiss House Mafia hates Armin.
EXECUTIVE
Right right, hard to keep all of this straight. Get Armin
playing California that weekend.
SECRETARY
Ok will do. By the way, you have a Joel waiting in the lobby to
meet with you.
EXECUTIVE
Who’s that?
SECRETARY
He’s an aspiring house DJ. He sent you that track Levels. You
asked me to book a meeting.
EXECUTIVE
Oh right, loved that track. Send him in.
SECRETARY
Ok (Secretary leaves and Joel comes in. Exec is turned the
other way and listening to the song. The Exec this whole time
is assuming he’s a human.)
JOEL
Hello.
EXECUTIVE
Joel, I listened to this track levels you sent me, and I gotta
say. I think it’s just the bees knees.
JOEL
Thanks!
EXECUTIVE
Ya, I think that those kids, with their alcohol and their MDMA,
they’re just gonna eat something like this up.
21
JOEL
Oh, thanks!
EXECUTIVE
Ya, we want to get you signed and maybe opening for
(Turns around and notices for the first that
Joel is a mouse.)
Ohhh.
JOEL
That’d be great!
EXECUTIVE
Oh, you didn’t tell me…
JOEL
Didn’t tell you what?
EXECUTIVE
You didn’t tell me you were a mouse.
JOEL
So?
EXECUTIVE
You have to understand. House Music is a human game. The
audience won’t accept you.
JOEL
Why?
EXECUTIVE
Well, everyone knows mice are great at hip hop but terrible at
House Music.
JOEL
That’s racist!
EXECUTIVE
Speciesist? Look I know, I don’t like it any more than you do,
but there’s really nothing we can do about it.
JOEL
What do you mean?
22
EXECUTIVE
Well, if we sign you, we’ll get letters, people will boycott the
label, no one will come to your shows anyway. It’s not really
beneficial for anyone.
JOEL
But, but I love house music.
EXECUTIVE
I feel you kid, and maybe one day the world will be ready for a
mouse house music DJ. It’s just not today.
(Joel Leaves the EXECUTIVE`S office and
DAVID and CAT are walking together going the
opposite direction.)
JOEL
David! Cat!
DAVID
Ahh! Where’s the Cat?
CAT
He was talking about me.
DAVID
Oh. God Cat, that is the most ridiculous mouse name ever.
JOEL
Hey guys. (Obviously sad)
CAT
What’s wrong cutie?
DAVID
Ya, how was the big meeting?
JOEL
Bad.
CAT
Why bad?
JOEL
She said… She said she can’t sign me because I’m a mouse!
23
CAT
Of all the racist speciesist bull shit that I’ve ever heard. I
oughtta go in there and…
JOEL
No, don’t. Please don’t.
CAT
Why, I’ll go kick her butt! I bet she’s not so big. We’re not
that small!
DAVID
You’re three inches tall Cat. She’d squish you like a mouse!
JOEL
It’s not that. It’s not that we’re too small.
CAT
We can fight this. We can change this!
JOEL
You always think that Cat, but it’s not so simple
JOEL
C’MON BABY TAKE YOUR CHANCE
YOU STAND THERE IN YOUR MOUSE TAIL PANTS
AND TALK ABOUT A CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN.
I READ EVERY BLOG YOU EVER SENT
WE’RE GONNA MARCH ON PARLIAMENT
TO A SONG THAT I DON’T KNOW THE WORDS TO
GO AHEAD AND TAKE YOUR STAND
I’LL BE SITTING OVER HERE
CAUSE I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW
THAT I’M TOO SMALL TO CHANGE THE WORLD
I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW
THAT I’M TOO SMALL TO CHANGE THE WORLD
WELL I’M BIG ENOUGH AND I’M STRONG ENOUGH
WELL I’M WISE ENOUGH AND I’M KIND ENOUGH
AND I KNOW
24
JOEL (CONTINUED)
THE ONLY THING WORTH CHANGING
IS
SO TELL ME ‘BOUT THAT BOOK YOU READ
BY THE AUTHOR THAT’S ALREADY DEAD
WHO TALKS ABOUT HOW WE CAN LIVE FOREVER.
I USED TO THINK I WOULD BE KING
OF LIFE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING
BUT I DON’T THINK I WANT THE JOB
NOT ANYMORE
GO AHEAD AND TAKE YOUR STAND
I’LL BE SITTING OVER THERE
CAUSE I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW
THAT I’M TOO SMALL TO CHANGE THE WORLD
I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW
THAT I’M TOO SMALL TO CHANGE THE WORLD
WELL I’M BIG ENOUGH AND I’M STRONG ENOUGH
WELL I’M WISE ENOUGH AND I’M KIND ENOUGH
AND I KNOW
THE ONLY THING WORTH CHANGING
IS YOU
I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW, OH OH OH OH OH OH
I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW, OH OH OH OH OH
I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW
I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW
THE ONLY THING WORTH CHANGING IS
YOUR FROWN IN A SMILE
YOUR DARK HAIR FOR A WHILE
YOUR NAILS FROM BLACK TO WHITE AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS ALLRIGHT.
CAT
You’re wrong Joel. We can change the world. We can!
DAVID
(Looking at his phone.)
Oh my god!
JOEL
What?
25
DAVID
It’s her!
CAT
Who?
DAVID
The girl of my dreams.
CAT
(Looking around.)
Where?
DAVID
I’m… I’m in love.
CAT
In love with who goddamnit?
DAVID
(Shows CAT his phone.)
Her.
CAT
This girl on your phone? HotTail24601?
DAVID
Siiigh.
CAT
You idiot. Can`t you see Joel has just had a traumatic
experience?
DAVID
Dude! It says that her sex drive is way higher than average.
JOEL
(Comes to look.)
She talks about her sex drive on her profile?
DAVID
Not on her profile, but Plenty of Mice asks all these questions
that you can search by!
26
JOEL
What? Seriously?
(CAT is noticing JOEL is being
distracted from his trauma so she’s ok
with it.)
DAVID
Ya they have it on OkCupid also. These are all real questions
on Plenty of Mice and OkCupid.
JOEL
That’s crazy.
DAVID
Oh my god. This girl is. She’s… She’s…
NOT TOO FAT AND NOT TOO SKINNY
BODY LIKE THAT WITH A FACE LIKE MINNIE
SMART AS A WHIP AND WILLING TO USE ONE
I’M LOSING MY GRIP AND
IT SAYS SHE LIKES TO BE TIED UP
SHE SLEEPS TOGETHER ON THE THIRD OR FIFTH DATE
SHE LIKES BUTTERFLIES AND PONIES
SHE THINKS THAT GIVING ORAL SEX IS GREAT
JOEL
ORAL SEX IS GREAT!
(CAT gives him a look.)
What? It is great.
DAVID
I FEEL GREAT TODAY
DON`T NEED TO MASTURBATE TODAY
DON`T NEED TO LIE AWAKE TODAY
TONIGHT I MEAN
THAT`S RIGHT I MEAN
MY HEART IS BEATING WAY TOO FAST
I THINK I MIGHT BE SICK
THIS IS PERMANENT
IT`S LOVE AT FIRST CLICK
CAT AND JOEL
LOVE, LOVE.
27
DAVID
LOVE AT FIRST CLICK.
CAT AND JOEL
LOVE, LOVE.
DAVID
LOVE AT FIRST CLICK
JOEL
WHAT ELSE DOES HER PROFILE SAY?
DAVID
IT SAYS WE’D SLEEP TOGETHER EVERY OTHER DAY
AND ON THE OTHER DAYS WE’D FIND ANOTHER WAY
TO LOVE EACHOTHER, TO LOVE EACHOTHER
AND HOLY SHIT
JOEL
WHAT IS IT?
DAVID
I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT I MISSED IT
JOEL
WHAT?
DAVID
IT SAYS THAT SHE’S A BISEXUAL
JOEL
IT SAYS THAT SHE’S A BISEXUAL?
BOTH
IT SAYS THAT SHE’S A BISEXUAL
DAVID
AND SO
SHE MIGHT BE DOWN TO HAVE A THREESOME
JOEL
A THREESOME? WOW THAT’D BE GREAT!
CAT
SHE LIKES WATCHING FUTURAMA
28
CAT (CONTINUED)
SHE WANTS SOMEONE WHO CAN COMMUNICATE
DAVID
ORAL SEX IS GREAT
AND I FEEL GREAT TODAY
DON’T NEED TO MASTURBATE TODAY
DON’T NEED TO LIE AWAKE TODAY
TONIGHT I MEAN
THAT`S RIGHT I MEAN
MY HEART IS BEATING WAY TOO FAST
I THINK I MIGHT BE SICK
THIS IS PERMANENT
LOVE AT FIRST CLICK
TELL ME THAT I’M HOT ENOUGH
JOEL
YOU’RE HOT ENOUGH
DAVID
TELL ME THAT I’M COOL ENOUGH
CAT
I guess you’re cool enough.
DAVID
TELL ME THAT I’M GOOD ENOUGH
JOEL
YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH
DAVID
FOR A GIRL
WHO LIKES TO BE TIED UP
WHO’LL SLEEP TOGETHER ON THE THIRD OR FIFTH DATE
CAT
THERE’S MORE TO HER THAN WHAT YOU’RE SAYING.
I SEE THAT YOU HAVE YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.
DAVID
Cat! It’s the best line of the song and you’re ruining it!
CAT
No I’m not! I SEE THAT YOU HAVE YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT!
29
DAVID
That’s not the line.
CAT
SHE WANTS SOMEONE WHO CAN COMMUNICATE.
DAVID
That’s not it either!
CAT
(Sighs. Under her breath)
She thinks that giving oral sex is great…
DAVID
What?
CAT
(Louder)
She thinks that giving oral sex is great!
DAVID
ORAL SEX IS GREAT!
AND I FEEL GREAT TODAY
DON’T NEED TO MASTURBATE TODAY
DON’T NEED TO LIE AWAKE TODAY
TONIGHT I MEAN
THAT’S RIGHT I MEAN
MY HEART IS BEATING WAY TOO FAST
I THINK I MIGHT BE SICK
THIS IS PERMANENT
CAT AND JOEL
LAAAAA
DAVID
THIS IS PERMANENT
CAT AND JOEL
LAAAA
DAVID
THIS IS PERMANENT
CAT AND JOEL
LAAAAAA
30
DAVID
THIS IS
CAT, JOEL AND DAVID
LOOOOOOOOVE.
DAVID
LOVE AT FIRST CLICK
CAT AND JOEL
LOVE, LOVE.
DAVID
LOVE AT FIRST CLICK.
CAT AND JOEL
LOVE, LOVE.
DAVID
LOVE AT FIRST CLICK.
CAT AND JOEL
LOVE, LOVE.
DAVID
LOVE AT FIRST CLICK.
JOEL
So what are you waiting for? Send her a message!
DAVID
I’ve been trying! My message didn`t go through! Why won`t my
message go through?
CAT
It says she doesn`t accept messages from people seeking intimate
encounters.
DAVID
Ahh! Oh no! What can we do!
CAT
Hmm, I’ll try editing your profile.
31
DAVID
Please work, please work.
CAT
Hmm, no it says it doesn’t accept messages from someone who’s
ever sent a message seeking an intimate encounter.
DAVID
WHY DID I DO IT?
WHY DID I SEND?
SO MANY MESSAGES
SEEKING ENCOUNTERS
I WAS WEAK
I COULDN’T HELP IT
SO MANY MESSAGES SEEKING INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS
SHE COULD’VE BEEN MY WIFE
BUT NOW IT HAS RUINED MY LIFE
NOW IT HAS RUINED MY LIFE
JOEL
I think you’re being a bit overdramatic. I’m sure there are
other ways for you to find her.
CAT
How do you know you’ll even like her when you meet her?
DAVID
(Aside to the audience.)
A FEELING FAR BEYOND DESCRIPTION
EMOTION SENT FROM UP ABOVE
HOW TO EXPLAIN TO THIS SIMPLETON?
SHE COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND TRUE LOVE
SHE COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND TRUE LOVE
CAT
Hey! What do you mean I could never understand true love? Fine
see if I try and help you with girls again.
DAVID
Wait!
IT SEEMS THAT MY PATH IS FINALLY CLEAR
IT SAYS ON MY PHONE SHE’S WITHIN 500 FEET FROM HERE!
32
CAT
You can see that on Plenty of Mice?
DAVID
YES I CAN, MY DARLING CREATURE.
ON PLENTY OF MICE, THIS IS A NEW FEATURE.
CAT
That is beyond creepy.
DAVID
THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE
I MUST MAKE USE OF THE SUN
WHERE ARE YOU MY LOVE
HOTTAIL24601
JOEL
Umm, ok!
DAVID
Ok! So I’m going to see if I can find this girl.
JOEL
Ok.
DAVID
Oh Joel did you see that YouTube video I sent you of the cat
that is so grumpy?
JOEL
Oh ya! Pretty funny.
DAVID
Ya, really funny! He’s so grumpy! I thought you’d like it. It
was funny, wasn’t it?
JOEL
Ya it was.
DAVID
Ok I’ll see you guys soon.
JOEL
See ya.
33
DAVID
HOTTAIL24601.
Ok bye.
JOEL
Ok.
DAVID
(Walks off looking at his phone.)
CAT
Sometimes I don’t get how your friends with him.
(Smiling.)
JOEL
Ha, you’re the one who introduced us remember?
CAT
Don’t remind me. He does seem to cheer you up though.
JOEL
(Looking around.)
Hmm, ya. 500 Metres, huh. Do you see David anywhere? Or the
girl? Oh my god…
CAT
What?
JOEL
It’s…
CAT
Slut tail 69?
JOEL
No… It`s Avicheese.
CAT
Who’s Avicheese?
JOEL
Who’s Avicheese? Who’s Avicheese? He’s only the most famous
house DJ in the world?
34
CAT
Oh that’s the guy you’re always talking about?
JOEL
Ya! That’s him! I’m going to go talk to him.
CAT
Didn’t you say he hates mice?
JOEL
This is my only chance.
(JOEL runs down Avicheese)
35
SCENE 5
JOEL
Avicheese!
AVICHEESE
Get out of here (with malice) mouse.
JOEL
I have to talk to you! Please let me play you this song!
AVICHEESE
Why would I ever work with a mouse like you? Everyone knows I’m
the greatest DJ in the world! Everyone knows that only humans
can be house DJs!
JOEL
Avicheese, I would never try to compete with you! But I think
if you would listen to the song for a few seconds, I just know
you would love it! You could say that we wrote it together, and
you could play it on tour.
AVICHEESE
Fine mouse, if it’ll get you to stop annoying me I’ll listen to
your stupid song.
JOEL
(JOEL plays the song levels. It plays
for about 30 seconds, and Avicheese
starts dancing along. Song comes
down.)
So you like it?
AVICHEESE
Like it? It’s fantastic! This is going to be the biggest hit
of 2012!
JOEL
Really! That’s so amazing! I’m so happy that you like it!
Soon we’ll be on tour together and travelling the world!
AVICHEESE
You’d think I’d share my glory with a dirty little mouse?
JOEL
What?
36
AVICHEESE
Roooar!
(Avicheese foot comes down and squashes poor
little Joel. Avicheese takes the CD and
laughs manically. DAVID and CAT come
running in and sees Joel lying on the
ground.)
Why don’t you fade into darkness? That’s it! The perfect song.
DAVID
Joel! Joel what happened to you?
JOEL
Ahhh… ahhh… took the cd… Levels… Levels!
DAVID
Oh my god! Somebody, call the mousebulance. Joel, you`re gonna
be ok!
JOEL
Avicheese… Took the CD…
DAVID
Joel! Calm down, you need to save your strength.
JOEL
Tell my mom…
DAVID
You can tell her yourself!
JOEL
Tell my mom… I… love… house… music!
(Joel passes out, and paramedics arrive
on the scene to try to revive him)
CAT
YOU LEFT A SIMPLE TOKEN
SOFTLY SPOKEN
WHISPER HERE
THAT INDICATES
YOU CONTEMPLATING
37
CAT (CONTINUED)
LOVING ME FOREVER
WITHOUT A SOUND
YOU HIT THE GROUND
HARDLY BREATHING, FINGERS CHILLED
LYING FLAT
PLEASE TELL ME THAT
HE’S INJURED BUT NOT KILLED
PARAMEDIC
I’m sorry miss, he’s gone
CAT
HE WANTED TO LIVE UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT
FIND A HOME WHERE THE WHOLE WORLD COULD SEE
I HAD MY HEART SET UPON HIM
AND HE HAD A FUTURE WITH ME
ALL OF THE LOVE WE HAD
ALL THAT WE COULD CONVEY
ALL OF OUR DREAMS TURNED BAD
AND THEN GOT TAKEN AWAY
BY A MAN IN BLACK
I WATCHED HIS HEART DECAY
WISH WE COULD MAKE MORE LOVE
SO WE COULD GIVE IT AWAY
DAVID
HE WAS A FIREWORK
EVERYTHING A FRIEND COULD’VE WANTED
I CAN’T BELIEVE THE TIME AND PLACE WE’RE IN
CAT
I’D WALK INTO HIS HOME, HE’D JUMP MY BONES, AND PULL INTO BED
HE WAS A PIECE OF ME, NOW I’VE LOST HIM
38
DAVID
HE WANTED TO LIVE UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT
FIND A HOME WHERE THE WHOLE WORLD COULD SEE
CAT
I HAD MY HEART SET UPON HIM
AND HE HAD A FUTURE WITH ME
ALL OF THE LOVE WE HAD
ALL THAT WE COULD CONVEY
ALL OF OUR DREAMS TURNED BAD
AND THEN GOT TAKEN AWAY
BY A MAN IN BLACK
I WATCHED HIS HEART DECAY
WISH WE COULD MAKE MORE LOVE
SO WE COULD GIVE IT AWAY
CAT
Joel…
PARAMEDIC
I’m so sorry. There was nothing we could do.
CAT
(Cries on DAVID’s shoulder.)
END OF ACT 1
39
ACT 2
SCENE 6
(JOEL is now in heaven with ST PETER.)
JOEL
Oh no! Where am I? Avicheese no!
ST. PETER
Calm down Joel, you’re safe now.
JOEL
Safe! What happened to Avicheese? He was trying to hurt me… I
think he was trying to kill me!
ST. PETER
You don’t have to worry about Avicheese anymore.
JOEL
Don’t have to worry? He could be still coming after me!
ST. PETER
He’s not.
JOEL
He’s not? He is I’m sure he is!
ST. PETER
He’s not, because, you’re dead…
JOEL
I’m dead?
ST. PETER
You’re dead.
JOEL
I’m dead?
ST. PETER
You’re
(Ominous Music)
Dead Mouse!
JOEL
Then, where am I? Who are you?
40
ST. PETER
You’re at the gates of Heaven. I’m St. Peter!
JOEL
You’re St. Peter?
ST. PETER
I sure am!
JOEL
But… you’re a mouse!
ST. PETER
You’re perceptive.
JOEL
Sorry, I just always thought St. Peter… um… you were a human.
ST. PETER
Why did you think that?
JOEL
I don’t know. Cause of the bible?
ST. PETER
Where in the bible does it ever say that I’m not a mouse?
JOEL
Umm, nowhere I guess.
ST. PETER
Anyways we need to take your fingerprints and get you ready for
processing.
JOEL
No! You can’t! I need to go back!
ST. PETER
Sorry, that`s not the deal.
JOEL
Please!
ST. PETER
You know how many people come here asking to be sent back?
Eight Billion and twelve! Why should I send you back?
41
JOEL
Because, because I’m in love!
ST. PETER
Ya, like I haven’t heard that one before.
JOEL
Because I am going to be the world’s greatest mouse house music
DJ and Avicheese killed me and stole my song and he’s going to
say that…
ST. PETER
Wait, wait. Did you say house DJ?
JOEL
Ya!
ST. PETER
Oh my god, I love house music! I’m obsessed.
JOEL
Really?
ST. PETER
Do you have any MDMA I could buy?
JOEL
Umm, no.
ST. PETER
God, you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get that stuff up
here.
JOEL
Umm…
ST. PETER
Ok, let’s hear this song.
(Joel plays Levels, St. Peter starts
dancing, more and more aggressive.)
ST. PETER
Ahh, man that’s catchy.
42
JOEL
Thanks!
ST. PETER
And you’re saying that Avicheese stole this song from you?
JOEL
Ya! I finally did it. I finally wrote a song that I was really
proud of and that jerk stole it!
ST. PETER
Why did he kill you anyway?
JOEL
Because he didn’t want to share the glory with a mouse!
ST PETER
Wow, that little Swedish bastard!
JOEL
I know!
ST PETER
Ok, against my better judgment, I’m going to send you back.
JOEL
Amazing!
ST PETER
But you can’t tell God.
JOEL
Huh?
ST PETER
You can’t tell God about this.
JOEL
Oh, ok.
ST PETER
Seriously, if God finds out about this he will bend me over the
table and have his way with me.
JOEL
Really?
43
ST PETER
Seriously, if God finds out about this he’ll grind my testicles
into a meat grinder and feed them to me.
JOEL
Ummm.
ST PETER
Ya, and that’s not like a metaphor for him being angry. He will
literally take my balls, put them into a meat grinder and make
me eat them. This is something he can do and has done before.
JOEL
Wow, sounds like a bit of a jerk.
ST PETER
God, no he’s amazing. Everything he does is good by definition
so if he wants to put my testicles in a meat grinder and then
force me to eat them, that is by definition good, because he is
the source of all good and evil.
JOEL
I feel like this is getting deeper than it needs to get.
ST PETER
Ok, you’re right. I’m sending you back!
JOEL
Thanks so much! I really appreciate it! Oh just one more
thing.
ST. PETER
Ya?
JOEL
Is there any chance you could send me back as a human?
ST PETER
Sure, that’s actually much less paperwork anyway.
JOEL
Thanks!
ST. PETER
Just don’t tell god!
44
JOEL
Ok I won’t.
45
SCENE 7
(ST PETER exists and JOEL is brought
back to earth.)
JOEL
Holy crap! I can’t believe it, I’m back! Can’t wait to tell my
friends!
(Walks around to signify he’s going to
his own hood. CAT and DAVID are
standing together)
JOEL
David! Cat!
DAVID
Ahhh! Where’s the Cat?
JOEL
Cat, you’re so small! It actually worked! He actually did it!
DAVID
Oh, Cat the name, not the animal. God damn, what were your
parents thinking?
CAT
Who the hell are you! And how do you know my name?
DAVID
Look small ears, we’ve just been through some really bad stuff.
JOEL
Cat, it’s me!
CAT
Who’s me?
JOEL
It’s me, Joel! Joel Zimmermouse.
CAT
I’ll kill you!
(David holds her back)
46
DAVID
How can you bring up that name to her? You’re sick! Who are
you?
JOEL
It’s me! Joel… I swear!
CAT
Joel is dead! (crying)
JOEL
I died, but I got sent back!
CAT
That’s impossible. We buried him! You’re sick to fuck with me
like this!
JOEL
Cat…
CAT
Don’t talk to me!
DAVID
If you’re really Joel, tell me something only Joel would know.
JOEL
When we were one, you had a crush on a rat named Melissa!
CAT
Tons of people know that. Say something else that only Joel
would know!
JOEL
Cat, your safe word is Newt Gingrich (or any other joke, this
could change based on the night)!
CAT
J… Joel? Could it really be you?
DAVID
Wait… You have a safe word?
JOEL
Cat, it is me!
47
CAT
Joel, what happened?
DAVID (not sure which joke is best)
I wish I had a safe word/
I guess everyone’s reading 50 shades of grey these days/
I never picked Joel as a Christian Grey/
I never picked you as an Anastasia Steele
JOEL
Well I died, and I convinced St. Peter of my love of house
music, and he was so impressed by my passion that he sent me
back!
CAT
(At the edge of tears.)
Why did he send you back as a human?
JOEL
I asked him to, because now I can be a house DJ without having
to worry!
CAT
Are you kidding me Joel? You wished for this! Don’t you see
how terrible this is?
JOEL
Why? Now I can be a DJ!
CAT
How tall am I?
JOEL
3 inches.
CAT
And how tall is your…
JOEL
My what?
CAT
Your…
48
JOEL
Oh Cat, you’re gross!
CAT
And you’re ignorant to the basic laws of physics! Didn’t you
want to ever have sex with me?
JOEL
Of course! I mean we could still… ummm… I mean I guess we
could… wait no that won’t work. Let me think for a sec.
CAT
You’re ridiculous Joel!
JOEL
Cat, I love you!
CAT
You love someone else more.
JOEL
I don’t Cat! You’re the only one! You’ve always been the only
one!
CAT
(Quietly)Your one true love is, and has always been, House
Music. You chose House Music over me. You chose being a human
and house music over being a mouse and being with me. I hope
you’re happy.
(Starts running out)
JOEL
Cat, wait!
(CAT runs out.)
DAVID
Cat! Are you alright?
CAT
I`m a mess.
DAVID
I`m really sorry.
CAT
He was my world…
49
DAVID
I… don`t know what to say. I`m no good with this sort of thing.
CAT
I`ve… never loved anyone else.
DAVID
I remember the feeling.
CAT
What feeling?
DAVID
The first time I ever lost someone I loved.
CAT
(With a bit of malice.)
When have you ever been in love?
DAVID
(Looks offended.)
CAT
I’m… I’m sorry. I’m not myself.
DAVID
I’ve been in love three times now. Three times, all gone. You
get used to it kind of. But I remember the first time. With
Rachel. Before you knew me.
DAVID
I BELIEVED THAT WE
WERE MEANT TO BE
I BELIEVED IN US
CAT
I BELIEVED THAT I LOST YOU
THEN I FOUND YOU BUT IT COST YOU
WHO YOU WERE
NOW YOU’RE GONE
YOU WERE THE ONLY MOUSE I EVER LOVED
PLEASE FORGIVE MY TEARY EYES
MY UNKEMPT HAIR MY MUFFLED CRIES
50
DAVID
FORGIVE MY FINGERS IF THEY SHAKE
FORGIVE MY SMILE IF IT’S FAKE
CAT
COULDN’T YOU FORSEE
JUST WHAT THIS WOULD DO TO ME
I HAVEN’T PERFECTED THE ART
THIS IS MY FIRST BROKEN HEART
DAVID
THIS IS YOUR FIRST BROKEN HEART
I REMEMBER MY FIRST BROKEN HEART
I BELIEVED IN LOVE
I BELIEVED IN SOMEONE WATCHING UP ABOVE
CAT
AND NOW, HE’S GONE
Joel…
HE WAS THE ONLY MOUSE I’LL EVER LOVE
DAVID
I FORGIVE YOUR TEARY EYES
YOUR UNKEMPT HAIR YOUR MUFFLED CRIES
CAT
FORGIVE MY FINGERS IF THEY SHAKE
FORGIVE MY SMILE IF IT’S FAKE
DAVID
COULDN’T HE FORESEE
CAT
JUST WHAT THIS WOULD DO TO ME
I HAVEN’T PERFECTED THE ART
DAVID
THIS IS YOUR FIRST BROKEN HEART
CAT
THIS IS MY FIRST BROKEN HEART
THIS IS MY FIRST BROKEN HEART.
51
CAT
(Goes to kiss DAVID. DAVID turns his
face away.)
I’m, I’m…
DAVID
Joel’s my best friend, and you’re an emotional wreck right now.
CAT
I’ve never felt like this before.
DAVID
I know Cat, I know. Don`t worry about it.
CAT
You know you seem like a douche usually, but every so often you
go and surprise me.
DAVID
I`m going to take that as a compliment. I`ve gotta get going
but text me if you need anything.
CAT
I will.
WELL I REALLY CARE A LOT ABOUT YOU
AND I MISS THE TIMES WE SPENT TOGETHER
DAVID
(Walks in on JOEL, coming from his
conversation with CAT.)
I was just talking to Cat.
JOEL
And? How is she?
DAVID
She’s pretty upset, to say the least.
JOEL
God, I don’t know what she’s so upset about.
DAVID
Maybe she’s upset that you and her will never be able to be
sexually intimate again?
52
JOEL
That’s crazy! We can make it work.
DAVID
How?
JOEL
This kind of thing happens all the time.
DAVID
When does it ever happen?
JOEL
How about the Ninja Turtles and April O’Neil?
DAVID
What?
JOEL
You know, the Ninja Turtles dating April O’Neil?
DAVID
Are we actually having this conversation?
(JOEL looks at DAVID but says nothing.)
Well, the Ninja Turtles and April O’Neil are at least the same
size. You’re 50 times bigger than her!
JOEL
Fine, then how about King Kong and that blond girl?
DAVID
King Kong dies in that!
JOEL
What about Bee movie?
DAVID
What?
JOEL
Bee movie! With Jerry Seinfeld as a Bee. In that movie the Bee
ends up dating the human girl. If Seinfeld can do it I can do
it!
DAVID
Joel, are you crazy! Those are movies! This is real life!
53
JOEL
No it isn’t! It’s a play. Look, there’s an audience.
DAVID
I hate when you do that.
JOEL
Do what?
DAVID
Break the fourth wall like that!
JOEL
Why?
DAVID
It’s cheesy.
JOEL
It’s not cheesy.
DAVID
It’s cheesy Joel! It’s cheesy and it’s annoying!
JOEL
Shakespeare does it.
DAVID
You’re not Shakespeare. You’re my best friend. You know I’ll
always have your back. I just hate to see Cat like this.
Anyways, I’ve gotta run. I’ll see you later
JOEL
See ya.
(David leaves.)
God, how can he take her side? Doesn’t David see how stupid
Cat’s being? This kind of thing always happens with girls!
JOEL
YOU USED TO GLOW LIKE A SHIMMERING PEARL
FIRST FRIEND I HAD WHO WAS ALSO A GIRL
YOU ALWAYS HAD BOTH FEET ON THE GROUND
HAD FUN JUST HANGING AROUND
54
YOU GAVE ME TIPS ON USING MY LIPS
AND YOU CONFESSED YOU SOMETIMES GET DEPRESSED
I SHOWED YOU SOMETHING I GUESS YOU NEVER WANTED TO SEE
INSTEAD OF FIGHTING YOU JUST STOPPED TALKING TO ME
USED TO THINK GETTING MAD WAS BELOW ME
SEE ME AT A SHOW YOU PRETEND YOU DON’T KNOW ME
GIRLS ARE STUPID
GIRLS ARE STUPID IT MAKES NO SENSE
JOEL (CONTINUED)
COULDN’T WE HAVE FOUGHT ABOUT IT
MADE OUT AND THEN FELT WEIRD ABOUT IT
INSTEAD YOUR STUPID FINGERS JUST TURNED OFF YOUR STUPID PHONE
INSTEAD YOUR STUPID FEELINGS GOT ME FEELING SO ALONE
INSTEAD I’M JUST A STUPID KID, AND YOU GREW UP WITHOUT ME
AND YOU GREW UP WITHOUT ME
I FEEL LIKE YOUR JACKIE PAPER
AND I AM THAT RASCAL PUFF
YOU’RE SICK OF STRING AND CEILING WAX
AND OTHER FANCY STUFF
GUESS YOU THINK THAT I’M A MONSTER
LOOKING DOWN FROM UP ABOVE
WHAT USE IS THERE FOR CEILING WAX
WHEN THERE’S A FUTURE TO THINK OF
PARDON ME BUT YOU ARE CRAZY
JOEL (CONTINUED)
SORRY BUT THAT MAKES NO SENSE
I AM YOUNG AND FULL OF PASSION
I WHISPER OUT IN MY DEFENSE
I WAS WRONG FOR GETTING ANGRY
THIS WHOLE THING IS OVERBLOWN
I AM SORRY I AM SORRY
PLEASE PICK UP YOUR PHONE
USED TO THINK GETTING MAD WAS BELOW ME
SEE ME AT A SHOW YOU PRETEND YOU DON’T KNOW ME
55
CAT
IF YOU COME BACK THEN I WILL FORGIVE
YOU FOR THE LIFE YOU’VE CHOSEN TO LIVE
IN THE END YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE
IF YOU COME BACK, THEN I’LL FORGIVE YOU
JOEL
IF YOU COME BACK, THEN I WILL FORGIVE YOU
BOTH
BUT YOU WON’T COME BACK
JOEL
CAUSE GIRLS ARE STUPID
CAT
I KNOW YOU REALLY DON’T BELIEVE THAT
JOEL
GIRLS ARE STUPID
CAT
BUT THE WORDS YOU SAY THEY MAKE ME SO MAD
BOYS ARE STUPID
JOEL
LIKE AN OYSTER SPITTING OUT ITS PEARL
CAT
BOYS ARE STUPID,
JOEL
YOU’VE GOT TO BE THE WORLD’S DUMBEST GIRL
CAT
BOYS ARE STUPID
JOEL
YOU’VE GOT TO BE THE WORLDS DUMBEST
CAT
BOYS ARE STUPID
JOEL
BUT I REALLY CARE A LOT ABOUT YOU
AND I MISS THE TIMES WE SPENT TOGETHER
56
SCENE 8
(Record Label Exec Office)
SECRETARY
Sir, we have someone in to see you.
EXECUTIVE
Well who is it?
SECRETARY
It’s a house DJ.
EXECUTIVE
Another one?
SECRETARY
Ya, sorry.
EXECUTIVE
Get rid of him.
SECRETARY
Well he played this song and…
EXECUTIVE
And what?
SECRETARY
And it’s pretty good. You might want to listen to it.
EXECUTIVE
Sigh, send him in.
JOEL
(Walks in as a human. He`s putting on
a fake cocky voice so the exec doesn`t
recognize him.)
Hello there.
EXECUTIVE
Alright, let’s hear it.
JOEL
(Plays Ghosts and Stuff).
57
EXECUTIVE
Wow, that’s great!
JOEL
I know.
EXECUTIVE
Have we met before?
JOEL
(Nervous, voice gets faker)
No we haven’t, not that I know of.
EXECUTIVE
You really remind me of someone. What’s your name?
JOEL
Ah, Joel. Joel Zimmer-mo…
(corrects himself)
I mean Joel Zimmerman.
EXECUTIVE
Wow, what a human sounding name.
JOEL
Thanks, I always tell people how human sounding my name is.
EXECUTIVE
A bit too Jewish though. Do you have a DJ moniker?
JOEL
Ya it’s Living Huuu… I mean. No that’s not what it is. It is.
Umm…
(Thinking of it at the time)
Dead… Mouse. Ya Deadmouse.
EXECUTIVE
I love it!
JOEL
Ya, it’s spelled D-E-A-D-M-A-U-5
EXECUTIVE
That’s idiotic.
58
JOEL
Is it?
EXECUTIVE
Ya, just spell it the regular way.
JOEL
Oh, ok.
EXECUTIVE
You kids these days with your ridiculous spelling and fancy DJ
fonts.
JOEL
Sorry (Sheepishly)
I guess it was a bit silly.
EXECUTIVE
Alright, I got a great plan we’re going to get you opening for
Avicheese at Labour of Love.
JOEL
Avicheese?
EXECUTIVE
Ya.
JOEL
Does it have to be him?
EXECUTIVE
Ya, why not? He’s the hottest DJ right now. His new song
Levels is exploding on the charts! Ohhhh, sometimes. I get a
good feeling!
JOEL
It is? (To the audience) My perfect song! (To executive) That
bastard!
EXECUTIVE
He’s a bit of a jerk, but it’ll be great for your career!
JOEL
I guess you’re right.
59
EXECUTIVE
It’ll be amazing. Alright kid I got a meeting with Eddie
Cheddar but speak to Michelle on the way out and she’ll get you
all set up.
JOEL
Great.
60
SCENE 9
JOEL
David, you ready to help with the midi transfer simulation?
DAVID
Ya, can you handle the synthetic beat tubes?
JOEL
Sure.
DAVID
Ok and we can go back and forth on the electric wind induction
device.
JOEL
Wow. Being a DJ is really tough!
DAVID
Ya, we definitely do a lot more than press play and pretend to
adjust the levels on this mixing board that isn’t even plugged
into anything so people who don’t know any better think we’re
actually making the music on the fly.
JOEL
Ya, definitely! Being a DJ is hard! You ready for this David
Goudda?
DAVID
You know it… Deadmouse.
(Joel puts on his Deadmouse Helmet.)
JOEL
Ok, stay down. We don’t want Avicheese to see you!
(House Music Starts Playing. CAT is in
the audience.)
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
Wow, Deadmouse is amazing!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
I just followed him on Twitter and posted him to my Soundcloud!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
I just posted his song on my Tumblr!
61
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
His Youtube video got over 500,000 views in the last hour!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
I’ve never been outside.
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
Me neither.
CAT
(To herself)
Wow Joel, they really love you. You finally did it. You
finally found what you were looking for.
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
(Comes and tries to grind up on Cat)
CAT
Stop that!
JOEL
(Scene cuts back to Joel and David)
Is that Cat?
DAVID
Ya! It looks like she came!
JOEL
She looks beautiful. And… really sad.
DAVID
Ya, she hasn’t been the same since you came back with that human
penis of yours.
JOEL
Oh Cat…
DAVID
Dude!
JOEL
What happened? Is everything ok?
DAVID
It’s her! It’s HotTail24601. She’s within 500 metres! I gotta
go find her! Can you cover it here?
62
JOEL
Ya I can.
(David leaves. Joel gazes out at CAT.)
JOEL
THERE IS A GIRL I KNOW
AND SHE LIKES ME EVEN THOUGH
I’M A FOOL
I’M A FOOL
CAT
WELL I GUESS I WASN’T HOT ENOUGH
JOEL
I’M NAÏVE
CAT
I GUESS I WASN’T COOL ENOUGH
JOEL
I CRUSHED THIS DREAM
CAT
I GUESS I WASN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM
JOEL
FORGIVE ME
BECAUSE BOYS ARE STUPID
CAT
PLEASE FORGIVE THESE TEARY EYES
JOEL
BOYS ARE STUPID
CAT
UNKEMPT HAIR AND MUFFLED CRIES
JOEL
BOYS ARE STUPID
63
CAT
MY FINGER’S IF THEY SHAKE
JOEL
BOYS ARE STUPID
CAT
MY SMILE IF IT’S FAKE
JOEL
WHY COULDN’T I FORESEE
CAT
JUST WHAT THIS WOULD DO TO ME
JOEL
I HAVEN’T PERFECTED THE ART.
CAT
THIS IS MY FIRST BROKEN HEART
JOEL
I KNOW A GIRL
SHE MAKES ME HAPPY
SHE MADE ME HAPPY
I’M NOT HAPPY ANYMORE
BUT I DON’T THINK THAT I’M GOOD ENOUGH
CAT
I`M NAÏVE
JOEL
HOW COULD SHE EVER TAKE ME BACK?
CAT
HOW COULD I NOT HAVE SEEN
JOEL
I DON’T THINK THAT I’M GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER
64
CAT
I’M NAÏVE
JOEL
BUT I’M BIG ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT THE FINAL DANCE
AND MAYBE IF I TRY THEN I CAN GET A SECOND CHANCE
WELL I’M BIG ENOUGH AND I’M STRONG ENOUGH
WELL I’M WISE ENOUGH AND I’M KIND ENOUGH
AND I KNOW
THAT THIS IS TRUE AND YOU CAN QUOTE
CAUSE YOU’RE THE PERFECT SONG I WROTE
AND MAYBE I’LL BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.
JOEL
St. Peter! St. Peter!
ST PETER
(Pops up from right beside Joel. It
seems like he was there the whole
time.)
What?
(Throughout this whole encounter St.
Peter is dancing and seems generally
high.)
JOEL
What are you doing here?
ST PETER
Oh, I never miss labour of love. I actually scored some MDMA.
Do you want some?
JOEL
Um, no I’m ok with the drugs.
ST PETER
(Disappointed)
Ok, so what’s up?
65
JOEL
Please Saint Peter. Please you need to make me a human again!
ST PETER
What? You are a human!
JOEL
Oh shoot, I meant to say mouse. You need to make me a mouse
again!
ST PETER
Oh, that makes more sense.
JOEL
Ya.
ST PETER
You really had me confused with that human thing!
JOEL
Ya, sorry slip of the tongue.
ST PETER
Ya, I thought I was just tripping on this MDMA!
JOEL
Oh, ya, sorry.
ST PETER
Do you want some? It’s great stuff!
JOEL
Um, no thanks. You actually mentioned that already.
ST PETER
Seriously, I’ll give you a deal!
JOEL
No I’m fine thanks.
ST PETER
Ok, so what were you saying?
JOEL
Can you just change me back into a mouse?
66
ST PETER
Wait, so you’re saying after all I did for you, sticking my neck
out for you, turning you human, sending you back, now you’re
slapping me in the face with asking me to turn you back into a
mouse?
JOEL
Um, yes?
ST PETER
(Starts laughing uncontrollably)
Hahaha, that’s fricking hilarious!
JOEL
Haha, ya.
ST PETER
The old be careful what you wish for! Am I right?
(Laughs aggressively)
JOEL
Haha, ya you’re right!
ST PETER
Alright, anything for my favourite new house DJ!
JOEL
Thanks!
ST PETER
But once I do this there are no backsies. I’m really doing you
a huge favour as it is!
JOEL
(Looks out at CAT longingly.)
Ok.
ST PETER
No backsies no erasies?
JOEL
None, I won’t ask you for anything else.
ST PETER
Ok, are you ready?
67
JOEL
I’m ready.
ST PETER
And you won’t tell God?
JOEL
I won’t.
ST PETER
Because otherwise.
JOEL
Testicles in a meat grinder, I know.
ST PETER
You catch on fast kid.
(And in a poof of smoke, JOEL
disappears, leaving only the Deadmouse
helmet sitting on the DJ Table.)
CAT
(Shrieks)
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
He’s gone!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
He totally disappeared!
CAT
Oh my God!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
This is crazy!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
Wait, did that helmet just move?
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
The helmet just moved!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
A mouse is getting out from under the Deadmouse helmet!
68
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
An actual Mouse! And he’s continuing the set!
CAT
Joel!
(Runs towards the stage, but actually
runs off stage)
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
An actual mouse doing house music! Can you believe it?
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 1
Ya, I thought they only were good at hip hop!
HOUSE MUSIC FAN 2
Wow he’s actually amazing!
(They continue to dance. Scene cuts
back to JOEL and DAVID)
CAT
(Running in from the side.)
Joel!
(Kisses JOEL.)
JOEL
Cat!
CAT
Where? Oh right, that’s me.
JOEL
I’m, I’m so sorry! I made a huge mistake!
CAT
Joel, don’t worry! You’re back! I can’t believe it! Praise
God!
ST. PETER
Shhhh, can you keep it down with that God stuff!
JOEL
Sorry, Sorry.
CAT
I can’t believe it. You’re back.
69
JOEL
Cat, we’ve been dating for a long time now. Three months! And
there’s something I have to do.
(Goes down on one knee, and takes out
his cell phone. Starts typing
something. Cat’s phone makes a tweet
sound.)
Looks like you have a new tweet.
CAT
Oh, who cares about twitter at a time like this!
JOEL
Check who tweeted.
CAT
(Pulls out her phone.)
A tweet from you!
JOEL
What does it say?
CAT
It says “I can’t wait for Christmas so… Cat Von D, will you
marry me.” Oh Joel! Of course! Of course!
(They kiss)
JOEL
Umm…
CAT
What? What’s wrong?
JOEL
Can you just at reply me on twitter so people know you didn’t
shut me down?
CAT
Oh sure! (Write’s on phone.)
JOEL
What did you write?
70
CAT
I wrote “Holy Fucking Shit, I’m engaged and stuff.” Does that
work for you?
JOEL
It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. Now time to
finish…
AVICHEESE
I told them no brown M&Ms in my dressing room. And what do they
put? (Sees Joel). A mouse! What the hell’s mouse doing here?
JOEL
I’m not just a mouse, I’m Joel Zimmermouse. And you stole my
song!
AVICHEESE
You! But I killed you!
JOEL
Well we don’t all fade into darkness that easily (nudging St.
Peter like it’s a joke.)
ST. PETER
That’s not funny.
AVICHEESE
If I can’t kill you by squishing you, and I surely can’t try
that same method of killing you a second time, I will kill you
in the more traditional sense.
JOEL
The only real way to kill someone.
AVICHEESE
A DJ battle.
JOEL
Rules?
AVICHEESE
No rules. To the death.
JOEL
To the death it is then.
71
JOEL
IT’S BEEN SO FAR, I’VE BEEN WALKING THE LINE ON MY OWN.
AVICHEESE
OHHH, SOMETIMES,
JOEL
LIFT ME UP TO THE STARS, WE ARE COMING HOME
AVICHEESE
OH SOMETIMES
CAT
I JUST WANNA PLAY IT RIGHT
AVICHEESE
GET A FEELING LIKE I NEVER NEVER NEVER HAD BEFORE
CAT
WE’RE GONNA GET THERE TONIGHT.
AVICHEESE
LIKE I NEVER NEVER NEVER HAD BEFORE.
LIKE I NEVER NEVER NEVER HAD BEFORE.
JOEL
HAPPY LIFE WITH THE MACHINES
SCATTERED AROUND THE ROOM.
LOOK WHAT THEY MADE
THEY MADE IT FOR ME
HAPPY TECHNOLOGY.
HERE
AVICHEESE
WHY DON’T YOU FADE INTO DARKNESS
JOEL
IN THE WORLD THAT THE CHILDREN MADE, HERE
AVICHEESE
WHY DON’T YOU FADE INTO DARKNESS
JOEL
IN THE WORLD THAT THE CHILDREN MADE.
72
AVICHEESE
WHY DON’T YOU FADE INTO DARKNESS
FADE INTO DARKNESS
AVICHEESE (CONTINUED)
I’VE ALREADY KILLED YOU ONCE BEFORE
WHY DON’T YOU FADE INTO DARKNESS
FADE INTO DARKNESS
JOEL
RIPPING MY HEART OUT WAS SO EASY
AVICHEESE
WE COME A LONG WAY SINCE THAT DAY.
JOEL
LAUNCH YOUR ASSAULT NOW, TAKE IT EASY
AVICHEESE
AND WE WILL NEVER LOOK BACK, THE FADED SILHOUETTE
JOEL
RAISE YOUR WEAPON
AVICHEESE
WHY DON’T YOU FADE INTO DARKNESS
JOEL
RAISE YOUR WEAPON
AVICHEESE
WHY DON’T YOU FADE INTO DARKNESS
JOEL
RAISE YOUR WEAPON
AVICHEESE
WHY DON’T YOU FADE INTO DARKNESS
JOEL
RAISE YOUR WEAPON
AVICHEESE
(LOSING STEAM) FADE… DARKNESS
JOEL
RAISE YOUR WEAPON, (AVICHEESE IS INJURED)
73
RAISE YOUR WEAPON (FURTHER INJURED)
RAISE YOUR WEAPON (AVICHEESE FALLS OVER AND DIES)
AND IT’S OVER
JOEL (CONTINUED)
AND IT’S OVER
AND IT’S OVER
It’s over
74
SCENE 10
ST PETER
He`s dead!
MOM
So it`s, finally over?
ST PETER
Yes, it’s over
JOEL
We did it you guys, we did it!
ALL
Hurray!
CAT
We sure did!
ALL
Hurray!
JOEL
We murdered Avicheese in cold blood!
(Awkward Pause)
ALL
Hurray!
EXECUTIVE
Joel! They love you out there.
JOEL
Can you believe it?
EXECUTIVE
Also it appears you`ve become a mouse.
JOEL
Oh, right.
EXECUTIVE
You`re not Joel Zimmerman. You`re Joel Zimmermouse!
JOEL
You caught me.
75
EXECUTIVE
Guess I was wrong. It looks like a mouse really can be a house
DJ. My phone has been ringing off the hook with offers from
festivals!
JOEL
Amazing!
EXECUTIVE
I`m so happy this all worked out! You know, I always had a
thing for mouse culture. And those big beautiful ears. A girl
could just….
DAVID
75 metres… 50 metres… 25 metres…
EXECUTIVE
(Notices DAVID.)
It`s you!
JOEL
It`s who?
DAVID
HotTail24601!
JOEL
HotTail24601?
EXECUTIVE
WhereThemGirlsAt69!
JOEL
WhereThemGirlsAt69?
EXECUTIVE
My love! It is you! I’ve been searching!
DAVID
I’ve been searching too!
EXECUTIVE
I’ve loved you since you showed up in my recently viewed tabs on
Plenty of Mice.
76
DAVID
I’ve loved you since I first saw you on my eligible girls within
500m tab!
EXECUTIVE
Oh WhereThemGirlsAt69.
DAVID
Why didn’t you message me?
EXECUTIVE
You don’t accept messages from people of my age or height. Why
didn’t you message me?
DAVID
Um, no reason!
CAT
Wait you’re the woman from Plenty of Mice?
EXECUTIVE
Ya.
CAT
Oh… We`ve heard so much about you.
EXECUTIVE
Good things I hope.
CAT
Heard you were smart as a whip!
EXECUTIVE
Thanks… I think.
DAVID
Wait you lied!
EXECUTIVE
Never!
DAVID
You said in your profile you were a mouse!
77
EXECUTIVE
You said in your profile you had a six pack!
DAVID
I was planning on having one!
JOEL
You guys can’t be together! It goes against one of the main
premises of the musical!
EXECUTIVE
He’s right you know.
JOEL
Damn straight.
EXECUTIVE
We shouldn’t violate the main premise.
DAVID
That would be bad.
EXECUTIVE
So bad.
DAVID
Dirty.
EXECUTIVE
Filthy.
DAVID
It wouldn’t...
EXECUTIVE
Make
DAVID
Any
EXECUTIVE
Sense.
(They kiss, with a total disregard for
the size difference. Because after
all, they’re actually both human
actors.)
78
JOEL
Oh Goddamnit you guys. You’re ruining my musical!
DAVID
Looks like someone’s gonna have a new stepfather!
EXECUTIVE
What are you talking about?
DAVID
You’re Joel’s Mom aren’t you?
EXECUTIVE
What? No. I’m the executive. I haven’t been Joel’s Mom since
the second scene!
DAVID
Oh that makes sense. (To Joel) I was wondering why you were
being so cool about it.
JOEL
Well, it looks like everything worked out in the end.
CAT
Except for your relationship with your mom.
EXECUTIVE
Ahh, screw that old bitch.
(Everyone laughs.)
DAVID
(Under his breath.)
Stupid old bitch.
ST PETER
So Joel, you reunited with your true love and you’re the hottest
DJ on the planet. What are you going to do now?
DAVID
You should travel the world! See the sites
JOEL
There’s only one place I ever wanted to be.
79
JOEL
I’VE TRAVELLED ROUND THE WORLD
ABOUT A MILLION TIMES BEFORE.
BEEN FROM THE PYRAMIDS OF GIZA
TO THE DEPTHS OF MORDOR
JOEL (CONTINUED)
BEEN FROM BUCKINGHAM PALACE
TO NIAGRA FALLS
BUT I GET THIS ITCH UNDER MY SKIN
THAT I CAN’T SCRATCH AT ALL
TRAVELLING THE WORLD IS FUN
BUT IT’S JUST NOT FOR ME.
I GOT NO LOVE FOR THE OCEAN
I CAN’T STAND THE SUN
I DON’T LIKE THE WAVES EVEN THE LITTLE ONES
AND I DON’T WANT TO WALK ON THE BEACH IN THE MOONLIGHT
GIVE ME A BASSLINE SLOW
AND A BEAT REAL FAST
DAVID
SOMETHING TO MAKE A GIRL COME
CAT
AND SHAKE HER ASS
JOEL
GIVE ME A BASS, A BEAT AND A MICROPHONE
AND I’M HOME
I GUESS I’M HOME
DAVID
I NEED THE BEAT
I NEED THE CROWD
JOEL
I NEED THE SMOKE
I NEED THE LOUD
80
JOEL
I NEED THE CHEERS OF THE FANS
WHO KNOW MY NEW NAME
I NEED THE LOVE OF A GIRL
TO KEEP ME SANE
CAT
I NEED THE LOVE OF MY BOY
TO BRING ME JOY
DAVID
I NEED THE HAND OF A FRIEND
TO HELP ME IN THE END
AVICHEESE
I THINK THAT I MIGHT STILL BE ALIVE
CAT
(Stomps his face many times to the
rhythm of the song.)
DAVID
Did you just curb stomp Avicheese?
JOEL
I GOT NO LOVE FOR THE OCEAN
I CAN’T STAND THE SUN
I DON’T LIKE THE WAVES EVEN THE LITTLE ONES
AND I DON’T WANT TO WALK ON THE BEACH IN THE MOONLIGHT
GIVE ME A BASSLINE SLOW
AND A SYNTH REAL FAST
DAVID
SOMETHING TO MAKE A GIRL COME
(CAT gives him a look)
AND SHAKE HER ASS
JOEL
GIVE ME A BASS, A BEAT AND A MICROPHONE
AND I’M HOME
I GUESS I’M HOME
81
JOEL
I NEED THE BEAT
I NEED THE CROWD
I NEED THE SMOKE
I NEED THE LOUD
HALF THE CAST
JOEL ZIMMERMOUSE (OVER AND OVER)
OTHER HALF THE CAST
DEADMOUSE, FOUND WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR!
JOEL
(BY THE END) BASS A BEAT AND A MICROPHONE!
AND BY THE VERY END EVERYONE’S SINGING
DEADMOUSE, DEADMOUSE, DEADMOUSE.
JOEL
Deadmouse, a musical not based on the music of Deadmau5.
ALL
DEADMOUSE!
THE END