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Effective Communication at Work:Achieving Results & Enhancing Relationships
With Dr. Janet Mills
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A good example of a bad example
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People have memories—and mouths
• People happy with you
• People unhappy with you
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Three stages of interaction
1. Greeting
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Three stages of interaction
2. Transaction
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Three stages of interaction
3. Parting
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4 Things people want from YOU
1. Attention
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4 Things people want from YOU
2. Acceptance
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4 Things people want from YOU
3. Assertion
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4 Things people want from YOU
4. Appreciation
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1. Attention
S = face person SQUARELY
O = Adopt an OPEN posture
L = LEAN forward slightly
E = Maintain EYE CONTACT
R = RELAX
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1. Attention
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Lousy listeners
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1. Attention
Verbal Following
Mary was a sensible and giddy young lady, wise and silly beyond compare. She was a slight and small creature, yet so large that everyone who knew her loved her. She felt rather lonely, because she lived in a Town with no other houses or people for miles around.
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1. Attention
Multi-channel Nonverbal Following
Percent of impact in face-to-face comm:• Verbal = 8%• Facial = 54%• Vocal = 38%
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1. AttentionMulti-channel Nonverbal Following
Posture, posture shifts Body movement Body orientation
Interpersonal distance Gestures Facial displays
Eye/looking behaviors Voice (vocalics) Dress
Physical appearance Touch (tactile) Object communication
Odor (olfactory) Breathing patterns BMIRS: behavioral manifestations of internal states
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1. AttentionBack-channeling
Vocalizations Head nodding Gestures
Facial expression Eye contact Questions
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2. Acceptance
Affirm the Nature of the Relationship
• Hierarchical indicators Who’s up? Down?
• Immediacy indicators How close or far?
• Basic respect “I see you”
• Earned respect High esteem
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2. Acceptance
Developing and Maintaining Rapport
• Posture echo
• Vocal echo
• Interaction synchrony
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2. Acceptance
Responding Verbally to Accept Messages
– Paraphrase ideas
– Paraphrase feelings
– Express empathy
– Prompt and probe
– Summarize
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DefensivenessThe NUMBER ONE PROBLEM in
communication at work Defensiveness arises when we feel: Threatened Attacked Punished Unjustly accused
When defensive we are likely to experience: Emotional agitation Estrangement Confusion Aggressive and/or passive impulses
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Defensiveness
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Focus on problems Not people
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Be congruent Not incongruent
Ver
Verbal comm
Nonverbal comm
Thoughts & feelings
Match these!
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Be descriptive Not evaluative
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Validate Don’t invalidate
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Be specific Not global
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Be conjunctive Not disjunctive
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Own your Don’t
►Deny what you’ve said
►Blame others for what you did
►Stuff your feelings
►Ignore what you want
►Forget your needs
►Statements
► Actions
► Feelings
► Wants
► Needs
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3. Assertive & supportive communication
Make it two-way Not one-way
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Assertive Skill 1: Clear Message Format
Use to:
• State a complaint or problem
• Request a change of behavior, policy or procedure
• Express hopes, wishes, desires
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Tool 1: Clear Message Format
Elements:
• Describe• Interpret• Express/Own• Consequences• Intentions
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Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET
Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is accurate and true
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Tool 2: Responding to feedback that is ON TARGET
Elements:• Listen actively
• Acknowledge your error or fault
• Seek more information
• Create plan for positive action
• Appreciate the other
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Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET
Use: To respond non-defensively to feedback that is inaccurate or untrue
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Tool 3: Responding to feedback that is OFF TARGET
Elements:
• Listen actively
• Fog the criticism
• Assert
• Appreciate
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4. Appreciation Forms of appreciation
Thank Praise Reward
Compliment
Commend
Approve
Recognize
Value Notice
Stick up for
Refer Recommend
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Dr. Janet Mills