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In 1979, we had Caroline, a beautiful 8-pound girl. Patrick was born two years later. He was 9 pounds! I was this big in the last few months.
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John had to help me get into bed…Every night, I read a story to the kids. I’m certainly not the only one to do that, but it was one of our favourite times.
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And stories in French, that goes without saying! It was important for me that my kids learn French because I wanted them to understand my culture.
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Speaking two languages, having two different cultures, it’s a gift! And do I have to add that books in French in Faro were as rare as a platypus on an ice rink!
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But making up your own stories… you can do that anywhere. And when the kids started talking, they helped me make up stories...
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... like the one with the bear and the racoon playing marbles in the forest.
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They quickly caught on that maman and daddy spoke different languages. One time, Patrick was about two years old, and I was folding clothes.
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Black socks were mine and John’s were white. Patrick said, pointing to the socks: “Les bas de maman. Daddy’s socks”
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At that time, I hadn’t realized what was involved in raising kids in both languages. It’s an everyday challenge. A HUGE challenge.
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I wanted the kids to understand, but I also wanted John to understand too when I spoke to them. I also remember well that infamous family gathering...
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... where I understood what was going on. Caroline was three years old and spoke French and English really well. We spent a week with the in-laws at a rented cottage.
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It was the first time that John and I had spent time alone since Caroline was born. My mother-in-law was really considerate with my little baby. That’s for sure!
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She was her first grand-child. She looked after her while we went for walks or ate at a restaurant, just the two of us.
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I don’t really remember when Caroline started answering me in English when she had always answered in French.
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I figured it was because she was surrounded by a lot of English, that it was maybe just normal.
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The last evening before we left, other family members came to spend the evening with us.
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When it was time for Caroline to go to sleep, I told her to go and say “Bonne nuit” to everyone. She looked at me and told me in English:
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“Maman, on dit “Good Night”. Mamie m’a dit de parler en anglais seulement parce que le français, ce n’est pas une langue importante.”
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Then she went up to bed.
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I felt a knot in my throat! I must have looked upset because John came over, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said: “T’en fais pas. Je vais en parler à ma mère”.
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He never did.
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Today Aujourd’hui
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“ Hello. I’m not sure I have the right number, the message isn’t the same and it’s in English. If I have the right number, this message is for Geneviève.
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... Just to let you know that I’m already at Gabrielle’s. No need to come and get me. I hope I have the right number!”
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- Ben, did you change the message on the machine?- Yes, I did. J’ai dû réenregistrer le message après la coupure d’électricité de ce matin.
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- Why is the message just in English?- I don’t know. Je n’y ai pas pensé. Désolé. Mais nous sommes à Whitehorse.
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… La plupart des gens sont anglophones.- Nous sommes ensemble depuis plus de deux ans, Ben, tu sais que j’ai de la famille et des amis…
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… qui ne parlent pas anglais. Why don’t you try harder to learn French?- I am trying!
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… Tu sais comme c’est difficile pour moi de toujours parler en français!- Toujours? Vraiment?
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À cause de toi, on ne peut pas aller vivre à l’Île de la Réunion!- Qu’est-ce que j’irais faire moi, à l’Île de la Réunion?
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… Tout est en français là-bas.-Tu vas faire comme moi et t’adapter. You would see what I’m talking about…
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- Calme-toi. Qu’est-ce qui se passe exactement?- Ne me dis pas de me calmer! I AM CALM! I have been living in English for the last two years!
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... It’s hard sometimes and you don’t seem to understand that. I have trouble expressing myself correctly, I’m always searching for the right words,
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... and people don’t always understand me. TU ne me comprends pas tout le temps.- Qu’est-ce que tu veux dire par JE ne comprends pas?
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- Ce n’est pas ce que je veux dire! I mean that I would love it if sometimes you understood what I am going through.
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... I sometimes feel like I am not myself. It’s not my style to think before I speak! I am less expressive, less spontaneous.
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Comment veux-tu être expressive quand tu cherches tes mots avant de les dire?
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Je crois que tu es assez expressive!- Que veux-tu dire par « Assez expressive »!
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.... You see, you don’t even understand when I speak to you. I am not mad. I just want to explain something super simple to you.
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Je vais te donner un example :
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The other day, I had a crappy day and I so wanted to tell you about it. Remember the guy who bumped into my car at the red light?
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I know it was only a fender-bender and it was his fault! But I was so stressed. It’s the first time someone rear-ended my car. I was still on edge when I got home
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and when I wanted to talk to you about it, I had to choose every one of my god-damn words. If I could have told you in French...
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I would have told you that an irresponsible young prick ran a red light and snapped my bumper during rush hour.
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If I could, I would have ripped his head off. He tried to blame me, can you believe it? But all I said when I got home was:
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Oh! en passant, un jeune a frappé ma voiture aujourd’hui. J’ai déjà téléphoné à la compagnie d’assurance. Tout va bien.
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- Les assurances vont payer. Ne t’en fais pas avec ça, chérie.- Ce n’est pas ce dont je parle!
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Je dis simplement que je suis fatiguée de parler anglais tout le temps. Je voudrais que tu fasses un effort. Je voudrais que tu comprennes vraiment ce que je suis!
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- J’pense que je te comprends plus que tu penses. Même si je comprends pas tous tes mots… allez. Calme-toi!
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- C’est plus compliqué que ça, Ben. What is it going to be when we have kids? Je veux que tu comprennes ce que je dis quand je vais leur parler.
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Tu te souviens quand Gabrielle racontait que sa nièce ne parlait pas français parce que son propre frère avait oublié la langue? Je ne veux pas que ça m’arrive!
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- Kids? You want kids?- Of course I want kids Ben, it’s not the first time we’ve talked about it.
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...We’ve been talking about it for more than a year.- J’avais l’impression qu’on faisait juste en parler, pas que tu en voulais vraiment.
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- Je veux des enfants, et peut-être même avec toi… si tu deviens bilingue! And only if you understand the expression: “to blow a fuse.”
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- If you want to have kids, we’ll need to get married first… - Tu dois également comprendre l’expression : You’re kidding!
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- Celle-là, je la comprends! Gabrielle la dit tout le temps, j’ai fini par comprendre.- Parlant de Gabrielle, on devrait partir, we’ll be late.
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- Je suis prêt depuis dix minutes! J’attends après toi…
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- Tu veux sincèrement m’épouser?- Depuis la première fois que je t’ai vu.
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- Damn English…Getting married… Tu sais que tu dois parler seulement en français chez la mère de Gabrielle?
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- I know, It’s important for Gabrielle’s mom.
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Slowly, without realizing it, more and more of my conversations and interactions with the children were in English. It was just easier that way.
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My in-laws only speak English. It seems like when someone only knows one language,
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it’s harder for them to understand why we fight to keep our language and culture alive. They weren’t mean, maybe just a bit unaware.
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And when they were there, out of respect, I only spoke English to the kids. John didn’t complain when I spoke French, but he didn’t help me keep French alive either.
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I think what really sealed it, was when Caroline started school at Van Gorder. After a few months, her teacher thought she had a language disorder.
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Nothing major, she was just a bit below average. According to her teacher, this was due to the fact that we spoke two languages at home.
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We were strongly advised to only speak one language to Caroline because that’s why she was confused and that’s why she was behind. According to the teacher.
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That’s when we started speaking only in English at home.
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Looking back, I know the advice we received was wrong.
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Looking back, I know that using two languages at home had nothing to do with her delay.
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Looking back, I know that I should have never stopped speaking to the children in French!
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I think what I would have hoped for was support from John. That he would have said: “Listen honey, who gives a darn what everyone thinks : school, family, friends.
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We’ll keep talking to them in French.”I even think I would have liked him to say:
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“I will learn to speak French. It’s important for me to know how to communicate in your language.”
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I probably should have told him that that’s what I wanted to hear, but I didn’t. I can tell you that my English improved even more at that time.
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Everything was now in English: with John, the school, the in-laws, friends, grocery shopping… even with the kids. I even started dreaming in English. That was the end.
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I probably hadn’t realized how angry I was back then, but I started talking to John about moving to Whitehorse. I knew there were Francophones there ...
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and I needed to speak my language. I bugged him so much with this that we finally moved. In 1985, right before Patrick started school, we arrived in Whitehorse.
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But it was too late for the kids. They had forgotten.Come on John! What are you doing? Was I saying that he was never late?
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He came out of the garage, but darn it, now he’s gone in the shower! Surely he could have taken his shower before! I don’t even know where we’re going.
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And so, when we had our youngest in 1988, I didn’t let things go that time.
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- He told you what?- He said it was not that important to record the message in both languages.
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- Il a dit que ce n’était pas si important d’enregistrer le message dans les deux langues.
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- Ce n’est pas le genre de Ben de dire quelque chose comme ça.- What did she say?
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- She said it’s not like Ben to say something like that.- That’s true! That’s not like him. - Well… He didn’t really put it that way.
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... He just said he didn’t think about it. - Il a dit qu’il n’y avait pas pensé.- And then, what did you say?
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- I got mad. I told him that it was important for me that he understands me when I speak in my own language.
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- Elle lui a dit que c’est important pour elle d’être comprise dans sa langue.- Mais Genevivi parle bien anglais.
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… Je ne comprends pas son point de vue.- Quoi? Je pense que c’est évident! Ce n’est pas la même chose de s’exprimer en français qu’en anglais!
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- She says she doesn’t see what the problem is…Keila, tu as de la chance. C’est facile pour nous deux de communiquer…
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… parce que je m’exprime bien dans les deux langues.- De toute façon, je veux connaître la suite de l’histoire.- She wants to know what happened next…
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- I told him that I want him to understand when I will speak to our kids. - Elle a dit qu’elle voulait des enfants.
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- What? That’s not what I said. - Elle dit que ce n’est pas ce qu’elle a dit.- She says that’s not what she said…
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-Quoi? -What? - I’m all mixed up! Gen, just finish your story.
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- Well that’s it! There’s nothing more! He told me that before we have kids, we have to get married! - Get married? You?
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- Ew! You want to have kids… and to have them, that means you have to make them! - Yes… getting married… making babies.
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... Has your Mom explained to you where babies come from? - Come on Auntie, I’m twelve years old.
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... I’ve known that for a long time.- She seems to have a pretty good idea. Who let her in on the nasty secret? Was it you Geneviève?
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- Come on… - Ok girls, let’s calm down!
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- Il y a de beaux garçons à F.-H. Collins. Tu vas en trouver un à ton goût là-bas.
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- Emma, aren’t you going to Académie Parhélie next year? I thought that’s where you were going.
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- I haven’t decided yet…- Emma has the choice between two schools next year for grade eight.
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- It’s nice to have a choice, eh? Which one are you going to pick?- Tu devrais aller à l’École Émilie-Tremblay …
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… Sinon tu vas te retrouver avec une blonde qui t’achale pour apprendre le français.- J’ai dit que je sais pas!
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- And what does your Mom think?- My Mom always has too much to say… That’s what I think.
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- Qu’est-ce que ta mère en pense?
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- That must be my brother! I haven’t seen him in ages!- We finally get to meet him!
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They’re funny, always talking about French. French here, French there. Enough already! My Mom has been harping on at me about it since I was little.
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“In French, Emma. Say it in French, Emma. What’s the word in French, Emma?”Je ne sais pas, maman, google-le!
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She’s always complaining that I watch too much TV in English, that my music is English. What can I say? That’s what I like to listen to.
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I had to watch the whole Passe-Partout series and the DVDs with Annie Brocoli when I was younger. Can I choose my own shows and music now?
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When they come over, it’s easier for us to speak English, even if they go to French immersion. That’s all! That’s how it is.
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“Come on, Emma, speak French,” my Mom always says. Maman, qui s’en soucie? By the way, il n’y a rien de mal avec l’anglais: Daddy speaks English!
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When I was younger, maybe around 5, we visited my Mom’s family in Quebec. My grandma came with us. It was fun. We spent at least a month there.
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Chicoutimi I think it’s called? My uncles were wondering why I always spoke English to them and French to my aunts.
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In my mind, all men spoke English and women spoke French.
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It’s sometimes confusing to speak two languages. But it’s also an advantage.
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Sometimes, if I ask my Mom something in French, she will say yes… just because I made an effort. I think it’s because Daddy didn’t understand what I said…
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Now, I have to choose between the Académie Parhélie or FH Collins. I have some friends who are going to Parhélie and others to FH.
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Of course, my Mom is insisting that I go to Parhélie. “You’ll lose your French like I did when I was younger if you don’t go.” Oh come on! I can’t lose my French.
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At FH Collins, there’s less French, I won’t be hassled about it. And besides, there’s more cute guys there! Well, according to my friends… I don’t care about that!
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And now, my family has to get involved! Now that I think about it, my cousin Natasha doesn’t speak a word of French.
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... If she ever goes to Quebec, she won’t have a clue what our aunties and uncles are saying.- Emma, what are you doing? We have to leave.
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... Your Mom is waiting in the car.- Gabrielle, did you ever have to choose between two schools?
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- No! My Mom didn’t give me any choice. It was Émilie-Tremblay or nothing. You’re lucky you have a choice…- Why lucky? What you would have chosen?
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When we had our youngest, I decided that she would be raised in both languages. That was it. Period. End of discussion!
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It was hard at first, especially since Caroline and Patrick didn’t speak French; John even less. In fact, I didn’t give her a choice.
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In the first few years, it went relatively well. John spoke to her in English and I spoke to her in French. I would play all the French tapes I could get my hands on
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... and she didn’t have a choice but to answer me in French. Things got a bit complicated when school started.
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Because everything was in French, John couldn’t follow. I was the one who went to parent-teacher meetings. All communication with the school...
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went through me. Everything was on my shoulders. I was exhausted. John wanted to do more, but he didn’t know how to help.
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There were ups and downs. We had a few fights about it. He even once told me: “If you sent her to an English school, I could help”.
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Well, I took none of that. I held my ground. We sat down to see how he could help me. He started helping with math homework...
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and driving her to extracurricular activities. He even started taking French lessons.
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Caroline, my oldest, studied in Ottawa and then came back to the Yukon.
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When she got pregnant, she realized that she really wanted to pass on her culture to her baby. Her boyfriend didn’t need convincing.
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He’s Italian and knows what it’s like to speak several languages at home. Caroline and him took night classes so that they could speak French...
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and teach it to their daughter. Now, we speak in French, English, and sometimes in Italian!
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Patrick and his wife live in Edmonton. I miss them. And it’s worse now that I have a grand-daughter there too. She’s so far away.
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Yes sir, I am a grandma twice over! She’ll be six soon and she starts school in September.
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They grow up so fast. We Skype every week. Of course I’m sad because when I speak to my grand-daughter, it’s only in English.
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I wonder if she even knows that her grandma speaks French… I’m proud that I stood my ground for the youngest one.
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And my baby even went to university in French! Ha kids… they left the house a long time ago and I still talk about them all the time!
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I’m as proud now as when they were small and showed me their drawing.
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John! I’m hungry! Your tools are put away, you’re clean, you smell good and you can always sort the mail later. Are you coming or not?
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- Hey, my baby! - Mom, stop calling me “my baby”, I hate it! - Yes, but you will always be my baby.
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- I know, you’re always telling me. But not in front of people okay?- Hi Keila! How are you?
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- Yes Nicole! - You brought the whole gang! John, come on. We have visitors!
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- Steve, I heard you’re taking private lessons now!- Yes Ma’am. The private lessons are going well. - He has no choice! My contract ends in a month...
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... and Steve is coming with me to live in France. - Wow! I’m really happy for you two! France… I’ve been dreaming about it for years. We will miss you!
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... Will you come back from time to time?- Of course, my family is here. We will be sure to come and see you Nicole.
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- You better! - I don’t know if we ever get used to people leaving over the years.
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- Stop it. You’re the one talking about Reunion.- Reunion? What’s this about, Geneviève?- Geneviève would like us to go live in Reunion.
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- It’s just an idea I was tossing around… It’s a long story.- It might be a good one. We should discuss it soon.
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- We never really get used to people leaving. We can’t hold back people we love, but that doesn’t mean we stop loving and getting attached to them.
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... When we feel lonely, we phone or write. Anyway, people almost always find their way back here, for a visit or to stay. And if they don’t, we go visit them.
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- You should come and see us in France, Nicole!-Or us in Reunion!- France yes! Reunion...hmmm.
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You’ll have to tell me about it, Geneviève. I just hope my baby…- Mom!
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- Sorry, but if Gabrielle and Keila also left…- Not now Mom, that’s a promise. Keila signed her contract with the Yukon Arts Centre.
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- Congratulations Keila! We have to celebrate that! Come have dinner with us tomorrow night!- Yes Nicole!
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- But I’m afraid you’ve all come at a bad time, folks. John and I are going out for dinner to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary.
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- Are you sure that you are going to a restaurant, Mom? - You’re here too my sweetie!
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You didn’t come on your own. Where’s your mom? - She’s outside bringing gifts for you and granddad. Patrick is there too with his girlfriend and Natasha.
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- Natasha!? Patrick! They came from Edmonton and didn’t tell me! Ha John! Another one of your surprises?
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That’s why it took you so long to get ready, we couldn’t leave. Oh well, you surprised me again. Emma, could you go get toys for Natasha
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... in the garage please. You remember where we put them when you got too big to play with them? - Yes, I’m going.
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- Let’s go get the buffet and beer in the garage. - And the buffet is hidden in the garage! I can’t believe I didn’t suspect a thing!
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- What a nice evening it was! The party really got rocking! I was very pleased to have all of my family back together here. It had been a while!
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I couldn’t believe it. Good news were pouring. Keila got the job she wanted, Geneviève and Ben were talking about Reunion...
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...all because of a fight, according to Geneviève’s story. And my son Patrick. He kept the best for last: He told me that they were coming back to live in Whitehorse.
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I still can’t believe it… What an evening!And to see my granddaughters play together, that made me feel so good too.
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Poor Emma, she has a big decision to make.
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- Mamie… - Yes, love?
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- What do you think? Which school should I go to next year?- I think you already know my answer…
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- Yeah. You’re not helping me much. - And Caroline? What does she say about this?- I think you know what Mom’s opinion is on this…
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... Is it true that Mom forgot her French and when she was pregnant with me she went back to school to learn it again?
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- Yes, it was important for Caroline. You know, you have the final say. I will love and encourage you whatever you decide.
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- Thanks granny.
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- I also rocked my little Natasha. We had a good little chat. She described to me in detail her life as a six year old.
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...I told her that grandma was very happy that she was moving close to her. Of course, we spoke in English.
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- Grand-maman. Ne parle pas comme ça.
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… Je ne comprends pas quand tu parles.- C’est normal. Je parle français. C’est une autre langue.- C’est bizarre. Et tu comprends quand moi je parle?
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- Bien sûr! Nous avons des mots différents pour dire la même chose. Mais tu peux l’apprendre!- Et si j’apprends…
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…je pourrai aussi comprendre quand tu parles?- Bien sûr!- Je veux apprendre à parler comme toi!
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- Vraiment? Alors je vais commencer par te montrer les mots les plus importants de la langue française.- Quels sont-ils?
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- Je t’aime.
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The EndFin
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